The Undecided of Earendil

By- Larien

Chapter 8

Oliverlover- Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I couldn't resist!

Kim-So do you want them to kiss?Lol.:) Thanks for the review!

Legolaslover77- Will they kiss? Lol, thanks for the review once again. I'm glad you enjoy it!

Lizbug98- Thank you so much for the review! No they were not all posted in one day, but I'm glad you're reading it!

RockFee- I have no idea how I ended it there, I think my fingers just stopped moving! Thanks for the review!

Luthien- Thank you for the review, I'm glad you like it. Is the elvish accurate? I try to make it as accurate as possible (it's one of the reasons for writing this story really). And I'm working with the romance to please everyone. Thanks again!

A/N- Thanks to all the reviews. I apologize to those who don't like romance. And I apologize to those who don't like cliffhangers. Hopefully the rest of the story makes up for it. Also, thanks again for all the messages, they make my day. So, I'll keep this short and please continue messaging! Le hannon!

The ride was long and weary, so much water everywhere she looked. On the distant horizon sat the home that she left; the home she was not allowed to call home, and the home that held those who bore her. For days and days they sailed. For how long, she could not guess. The entire time she was entertained by the wizard Gandalf who fed her, cleaned up after her, and somehow kept her from crying the entire journey. Which way were they sailing? East. At least that's what the other wizards said. They're discussions were very clear unlike the original trip. They were vivid. Like the time, the plans for once they arrived, and some talk of her. The five wizards were fond of her; at least they didn't seem to object to her coming. The grey was most keen on entertaining her, though the white and brown were friendly and had their share of time with her. They sang her songs and told her fascinating stories beyond her recollection. It was a pleasant ride.

Upon arriving on shore, they began to walk through lands of unknown territory. Across hill and valley, mountain and shore, they continued. Gandalf had volunteered to carry her, therefore her days went by with keen observations pointed out by him and lessons she was too young to care about at the time, but now found fascinating. But while the rest of the journey was disillusioned and flew by like a whirlwind of images, she eventually found her way to Rivendell where the wizard said his bitter goodbyes and left her to the care of her brother.

Caniel opened her eyes and stared at the softly lit ceiling draped with vines and sheer curtains. The dream felt like it had lasted months. In fact, she was readily sure she had just finished the journey that was so fresh in her mind. How was it that she should have such a vivid dream? And of something that had happened? In the dream, she had not been the child Caniel. Rather an outsider, the wind, just watching herself and the wizards. Listening to what they said, watching where they traveled, just reliving it outside of herself. Yes, that had indeed all happened, but how she had come to dream it and how she could prove it was beyond her. Rolling herself out of bed, she grabbed her robe on the chair and tied it around her white nightgown. (The gown itself was gorgeous- a silk elven material with a v-neck and draping sleeves, while the rest fit snug around her figure. The robe too was exquisite- purple velvet with a neckline to match that of her nightgown, and sleeves that draped with the gown. It tied down the front like a corset and let itself lay open in front once it reached the waist.)

Once it was tied she fetched herself a goblet of juice and walked onto her balcony taking a deep breath. The calming scent of the morning dew awoke her senses and suddenly made her mind keener to all that was going on. The sleepiness left entirely. Trying to gather her thoughts, she started to think back on the dream, towards the beginning of the night. The night! How could she forget the night walk with Legolas? No, it was definitely an unforgettable night. She smiled at the awkward situation they had been put it. In her mind she replayed over and over the events- when he had leaned in to kiss her, slowly and steadily. And he had gotten very close, so close Caniel swore she had actually tasted the kiss before it was ever delivered. Not that it was delivered. Not one second too soon, Gandalf had emerged down the corridor, causing Legolas to pull back and Caniel took the opportunity to take several steps backwards towards her door. Why she had suddenly lost all defenses and had become so terrified was a mystery. Granted, the situation was sudden and she was entirely taken by surprise. Not to mention she was not even remotely ready for something like that. In fact, she wasn't sure she would ever be. Whether she actually had any feelings for the elf wasn't clear yet to her. Sure he was handsome, kind, and overall very appealing, but she hardly knew him!

But she needed not fret over the situation, for Gandalf just so happened to be headed down their way and as he passed, he smiled warmly to Caniel, wishing her a good rest and nodded to Legolas who had regained much of his composure. After he had left, Legolas simply nodded politely to Caniel, the devilish grin replaced with a rather sweet yet sly smile, and mumbled a sweet good night in elvish. Yes, he knew how to make the girls weak, but that didn't mean he would make her weak. In fact, she rather resented the suddenness of it all, and hated being weak and scared in the eyes of others. She was stronger then that, and she didn't need someone to prove it otherwise. Promising herself to hold to the oath, she swore to stand strong, should it happen again, and tell him exactly what he needed to hear; she was not ready, nor did she need this kind of relationship. And he was not to force it upon her again. She would not have it.

Then again, Caniel thought, she couldn't deny the thought of the kiss was somewhat pleasant…or slightly more then pleasant. For some reason, she actually found it rather desirable. It was a feeling she had never experienced with anyone else before. Like it was something she needed, and not just wanted. Of course, coming from someone so attractive, why wouldn't it be feasible? No, it wasn't just because of his looks. When he had advanced, though she had been scared, she didn't entirely back away from it. In fact, she realized now she had wanted it and had invited it in the end.

She shuddered at the thought and took another sip of juice. That was one predicament she didn't want to get wrapped up in again…although, if it was Legolas she was to get wrapped up in…

She laughed wearily at her wild imagination and swallowed the rest of the juice in one swig. "You are crazy, Caniel. And your thoughts are going to get you in trouble."

Making her way inside, she set the goblet down and started to braid her long hair.

"He's just an elf." She sighed glancing to the mirror. "Another foolish little boy. You're better then that."

And with that, he left her mind for the rest of the morning.

Elrond sat quietly in his chair as the wizard paced in front of him. He had not seen Gandalf in such a state since he couldn't remember when. Gandalf smoked his pipe feverishly filling the room with the warming scent of pipe weed and causing the pillars to be etched in a brim of smoke as the sun tried to break through it all. His gray hair had been somewhat tied back and into his ruffled beard he mumbled in an undistinguishable tongue. Elrond watched silently where he sat, being summoned by the wizard who had mention inviting one other guest. Pacing in front of the elf, Gandalf's mind was a race of thoughts countless in number and conceivable reasoning for everything that had happened.

After a moment Elrond smoothed out the blue velvet robe he wore and stood to face the wizard. "Gandalf? What troubles you?"

Gandalf continued pacing for another moment gathering what remained of his scattered thoughts, before turning to Elrond with a weary look in his eyes. It was look of desperation; of longing to solve a great mystery that had sprung from the sands of the wizard's soul, long kept buried from the world abroad. It was a scared, almost confused look that Elrond had never seen cross the eye of a wizard before.

"Gandalf?" Elrond repeated, himself becoming troubled over the frantic look.

"I had a dream…a vision last night in my sleep." The wizard told him finally in a low controlled tone. "It began as a trip. My trip with the other Istari to Middle Earth from the West with the child."

"Caniel."

"Indeed." Gandalf nodded. "It was a very accurate, very detailed account of the trip. It had everything. The conversations and songs. The lessons and plans. The directions and foretellings."

"Dangerous stuff to be so openly thinking." Elrond noted.

Gandalf nodded more violently. "This I realize. But it continues. That dream dispersed, it ended. But what worries me is in a brief vision I saw Caniel, grown Caniel, striking down someone, an elf from what I could tell. I only saw the back. But it was enough. She was furious, more anger and hatred then I could've imagined possible. And her strikes were deadly, and accurate."

"I did not know she fought." Elrond mused.

"Of course she knows some combat skills. You cannot expect her not to pick up something when you leave her with a ranger." Gandalf laughed sarcastically. "But this was more then she could've learned from a ranger. Even one so skilled as Aragorn."

"With what weapon was she skilled? Sword?"
"Blades."

"A deadly weapon. Most often chosen by the more aggressive fighters."

"You see my concern then." Gandalf continued. "When I awoke, I felt drained. My mind was weary and stretched. As if all night long I had been connecting with another. I felt as though I had been locked into deep meditation, breaching another's mind. All night long."

"Are you sure?" Elrond asked sternly. "If what you say is true, you may have given valid information to someone in their sleep about the Valar!"

"I know. I know." Gandalf sighed. "The night's dealings are more troublesome then I could've imagined."

"We have one advantage." Elrond mused. "The person to whom you communicated this all to will not have remembered it unless they were to awake in the middle of it." He sighed. "Granted, there are many who do not sleep the whole night through therefore it may have been revealed."

"If information like that were to fall into the wrong hands…" Gandalf rubbed his forehead with his palm, closing his eyes wearily.

"And you have no idea who you sent it to?"

"None." Gandalf looked to the ground. "And though this is not guaranteed guess, I have a feeling it might have been Caniel. After all, the dream was focused around her."

"Then we should call her here immediately!"

"I have sent someone to summon her." Gandalf said. "But we must watch what we say, Elrond, as not to give away more information then what might have been revealed."

"I do not understand."

"If she remembers it, then she will not have seen the whole thing. Therefore, we should not speak of the dream directly until we know what she's seen." He sat in a chair out looking a tall window. "If she has not seen the fighting, then I will not tell her. Playing with the future is a tricky business, one I do not intend to get caught up in."

"Nor I." Elrond agreed. "But what if she saw a moment of it?"

"It was merely a dream. Nothing more." Gandalf answered. "But perhaps we should pry as to any anger building within her. For that, I fear, is what leads to the attack. Fear, anger, sadness, lost. Any extreme in those emotions will be a sign as to who she attacks and why."

"You are wise, Gandalf. And I trust your word." Elrond said after a moment. "Yet, I am still deeply troubled by the affairs."

"Me too, my friend. Me too."

Caniel approached the building quietly, after changing into a rather casual red dress, sensing within her the troubled minds of her brother and Gandalf. Why they would call for her so early remained a mystery and she started searching events that they would be concerned with. She had not done anything wrong, in the sense that she had avoided getting into mischief with her brothers and Aragorn as of late. Her studies had been completed days ago, and as far as she knew, she had not missed any important meetings. Perhaps they had heard of her vision and were going to inquire about it. The possibility was great for perhaps Legolas had told Arwen who had in turn told Elrond…but so quick and early?

"No happening is left unsaid." Caniel laughed, relaxing as she opened the door and found the wizard pacing and Elrond sitting sternly in a chair.

"Caniel." The wizard greeted her with a smile and warm embrace when she entered. Breathing in, her lungs filled with the scent of his pipe.

"Aur vaer" Caniel greeted the both of them. "May I inquire as to this early arrangement?" (Good morning)

"Indeed you may, but not before a few inquiries of our own." Elrond said, standing from his chair and indicating it to Caniel. As she sat, she found herself in a familiar situation with the two. It was as if the days past were replaying. She could only hope that should it be news from the Valar, it was slightly less depressing.

"First, how did you sleep last night?" Gandalf said, before Elrond could speak again.

Caniel smiled. "Fair enough. Although, I had the most peculiar dream Gandalf. About our travels from Valanor, do you remember? They were very detailed and very long. As if I were reliving it again. Only not in my child self. Rather as an observer. It was most obscure…yet enjoyable nonetheless."

"Did you? Did you indeed…" Gandalf looked to Elrond who raised his eyebrows, to which Caniel did not miss.

"The teachings you and the other wizards used to tell me, and the stories. I heard them again." Caniel continued, watching their reactions carefully. "I'm glad I did, for at least now I understand them. Although I feel like I've already been trained in the ways you described. Do you remember them Gandalf? The stories and teachings you shared to pass away time?"

"I do." Gandalf muttered. "As if I only told them yesterday…"

"Caniel what happened at the end of the dream?" Elrond asked.

"What actually happened, of course; I arrived here. There was a little more- obviously saying good bye and then. But it was then I awoke. Why?"

Gandalf only grumbled into his pipe as he leaned against the windowpane and stared into the distance. Elrond took hold of a glass jar and poured himself a glass of water that he sipped carefully, his eyes focused intensely on nothing in particular. Caniel sighed and watched the two of them with bemused interest. Apparently this had become a new hobby of theirs- to sit and look concerned and concentrated on something they would not speak to her of.

"If you don't mind me asking, I would very much like to know what is going on." Caniel said.

"There is nothing in particular going on." Elrond answered shortly.

"Well then, would you mind explaining why then you called me here? And if you dare tell me it's nothing, I might just have to strangle you brother. For the look on your face says otherwise. And I'm sick of being treated like a child." She stood and glared at her brother, her temper getting the better of her. "I deserve to know what's happening just as much as you do."

"Caniel…" Elrond sighed. "This is nothing that-"

"That I should be concerned with I know. It never is!" Caniel threw her hands in the air. "And when will it concern me Elrond? One might think that since I'm always involved in your little conversations, if not to help then to give information, that perhaps I'm just slightly concerned with the matter! Why is it that you do not trust your thoughts with me?"
"It's not that I don't trust you Caniel."

"Then what is it, older brother?" Caniel said, lowering her voice. "That I'm not decided? I'm just a freak who doesn't belong, is that it? I don't have the graces of the elves; therefore elven matters are not matters of my own? And being more human makes me weak, scattered, divided? I cannot allow this. I'm as concerned as you and if I'm not to be, then you receive no word from my mouth."

At this Gandalf turned to look at her, after keeping his quiet and his gaze out the window. His eyes were compassionate and soft, and weakened her anger immediately.

"Of course you're concerned Caniel, or I would not have called for you. It's just that the decisions we are faced with are decisions of our own." Gandalf said quietly. As he approached her she sat once again. "And so you do not feed into this anger, I will tell you what is on my mind. I had the same dream you had last night Caniel. The vision of our sailings and journey here. Very vivid they were. I haven't had one so vivid since I don't know when. My concern was however that they had been transferred to someone else. For when I awoke, I felt strained and stretched, as if I had spent a long period of time with someone else's mind. That mind Caniel, was yours. I did not know this at first, mind you. But after some deep thought, I could only guess that since the dream revolved around you, that perhaps you had received it as well. And alas! You did."

"I fail to understand, wise one." Caniel said. "Why is this such a concern?"

"The first concern of ours has been erased in that we were very fortunate to have you receive the dreams. You see my dear Caniel, had anyone else received them, they could have very well received information that could have been used for evil purposes. The dream, as you well know, was most accurate and vivid in every detail. Everything we said was distinguishable. The location of Valanor and information on the Valar was all revealed. As well as information on the Istari tasks. Thankfully, only you now know it. There still is concern however that the information could be obtained from you."

"You are thinking I would tell?" Caniel asked. "Gandalf you know-"

"I know you wouldn't on purpose nor deliberately." Gandalf cut her off. "But there is still a chance, Caniel. There is always a chance. It's important information that cannot escape into the wrong hands, you realize this?"

"Yes."

"Then you understand my concern. But I trust you Caniel. As does Elrond." Gandalf concluded resting his hand on Caniel's shoulder.

"You need to promise us, though, that any further visions are reported immediately." Elrond said at last. "We need to make sure this doesn't happen more then it already has."

Caniel nodded, thinking back to her vision with Sírdhem. That was a vision unlike the dream she had received, but it was a vision nonetheless. Contemplating telling the others, she thought of what their reaction would be. Perhaps they would just look more concerned then they already were, or lecture her with the dangers of visions. Or maybe for once they would say it's a common occurrence that she need not fret about.

That would never happen.

Gandalf studied the girl for a while, as she gazed intently at the floor. From the look on her face he could tell much was on her mind, more then what they had already discussed. Truly he felt pity for the girl. She led such an abnormal life, no matter how normal they tried to keep it. Why strange occurrences always seemed to penetrate around her was a mystery, but Gandalf felt pity either way. He just wished there was something to be done to give her the normal, carefree life she deserved. Perhaps it was partially his fault. After all, it was his teachings that she was brought up with since birth. Her skills were where they are because of his careful training. He never meant to make her exceptional; he just took her as his own, not even thinking twice about the fact that she was merely human with some elven blood. Yet she took to them and proved to be far more skilled then most full-blooded elves. Her knowledge was endless, though if she had spent as much time with her studies as she did with her drawings (to which she was very keen on always doing), Elrond would not still be tutoring her.

Gandalf smiled quietly despite himself. Yes, he had taught her well. The stories she knew were endless, and her thoughts, he figured, were as complex as any Istari. There in was the mistake. She had been raised as a wizard in a human girls body. Try as she may to reach the level of him, since that's what she had been taught to do, never would she feel complete simply because it wasn't possible. Her thoughts may be complex, but she may never actually solve them. Gandalf's smile disappeared as the full weight of her situation hit him. She would forever be greater then she could achieve and therefore never be content to settle for less. Greatness was and still is all she knew. And she was great, as far as a half blood goes. Even so far as an elf goes. But never enough. Her teachings were too much, and the guilt now piled itself on the wizard's shoulders.

Leaving a mental note to mediate on the situation later, Gandalf turned his attention to her now.

"Something troubles you." He said quietly, forcing her to look up at him. "You've had more visions."

She nodded slowly, deciding since he probably already knew there was no reason in hiding it. "Yesterday, during the evening hours, I was struck with a terrible vision. It was real, as if it were happening right in front of me. I felt weak, almost faint, as it happened. And it was quick, so fast that I felt I didn't catch everything in it. But it was strong anyway. And terrible."

"What did you see?" Elrond asked.

"I didn't see at first. I only heard screams. Horrible screams from a girl. I've never head screams like that before. They pierced blackness like a shrill note from a flute, only terrified and desperate for help. No, not a flute. A broken flute perhaps. There was nothing beautiful about it, nor soothing. Just ear piercing and blood curling. And then there was clawing from the girl. She was desperately trying to free herself from the grasps of a man, who had rather large etched hands. She fought hard, scratching, tearing, and always screaming…then it ended. At least, that's all I remember."

"Who were the people? You?" Elrond asked again.

"No. I do not know who the man was, for I could not make out his face. But the girl…eventually came clear as Sírdhem."

Gandalf shot a concerned look to Elrond, who had his hand to his lips. Both of them seemed stilled as if their very worse nightmares had been realized. The air seemed to seize and everything sat silent. Caniel actually shuddered at both the silence that followed and the recollection of the vision.

"Thank you Caniel." Gandalf said quietly standing.

As he walked past Elrond, he replaced his pipe and they locked eyes for a minute, both feeling the others concern swelling. This was something to be worried about, for not only were visions normally unclear and pleasant, but to have something so brutal and strange happen to Sírdhem was just baffling. Settling himself against the windowpane once again, Gandalf let himself drift into deep thought.

Elrond had just sat in his chair, rubbing his temples quietly and Caniel had just poured a glass of water to calm her nerves when a loud thumping shook the room. From outside, a great clatter of feet and shouts could be heard. A man's voice cursed as two other voices scolded away. More tumbling was heard as the struggle neared the doorway, and Gandalf quickly grabbed his staff and Elrond stood immediately to face the doorway. Caniel only inched back towards the sword hanging on the wall, her glass shaking in her hand. Another curse from the ruff voice of the first man when the door was thrown open.

Following the thud of the door, a man was shoved through, falling to the ground with yet another thunderous clap and laid groaning at the feet of Elrond...