Hurray! This was such a fun one! So, okay. I've been informed that it's okay to respond to you all, so I'm doing it! (sniffle) I missed you guys. You'll find them at the end of this chapter. So glad it'll be okay.
Oh, and this one will be a songfic chapter again, just because the song fit so perfectly, I had to use it. And I ((((HIGHLY)))) recommend this song before or after reading this chapter cause it really adds the right emotion to it. It's Fantasia o Realidad (again, hence, the title) by Alex Ubago. For those of you who don't know Spanish, well then I've managed to give you something educational to do during summer. Haha, go find out! Oh, but respond to the chapter first!
Passengers, prepare for fluffing. But all tray tables and chairs in their upright position, …
Chapter 22: Fantasy or Reality
She felt wretched.
Scraped… like a wound meant only to cause the hanyou grief. Though she knew full well that it wasn't her fault, it was the flowers that had caused him to nearly get himself killed. Flowers meant for her? Most likely. Lately, it had been a favorite act of kindness for Inuyasha. But never did she think he would go so far as this. Not in a million years, did she think he would do this for her, not when she knew wholeheartedly that his heart belonged to Kikyo.
Now shrodded in confusion, she had nothing to do but wait. In that first hour when he had returned, there had been nothing but panic. Through Kaede's knowledge about illnesses, they discerned that he had been poisoned, and with a great amount of it nonetheless. This was why he had turned human, because the poison would damage his youki before moving on to the rest of him. The rest of him, starting with his mind.
'You're… beautiful.'
Those words, no matter how soothing, were nothing but a plague now. Over and over again, she replayed the statement in her mind, trying to weed out its meaning. She knew he was delirious from the poison, they all knew. She told herself that it meant nothing. And perhaps that's why she wouldn't leave it alone. Because she wanted to believe that it was really him talking instead, that he would wake up to prove her wrong.
Her eyes barely left him, even while preparing the medications. She was fearful. From some unknown location, she could hear the foretelling call of the crow. So sharp like a clicking tongue, and more like a howl than a simple bird call. Because it was almost three hours till dawn, they littered the sky. In the damp air of the aftermath of the storm, they flew just past the window, threatening in another language to take his soul away. Were they encouraging him to die? She blocked out the noises, the horrid calls.
Another hour, and his youki began to returned, starting with the hair and then the ears. Seeing his ears twitch in his sleep brought great comfort to her. It meant that he was fighting back against the poison, restoring himself to his hanyou state. Thank God, it meant he would be okay… this time.
Her worry over him and the vulnerability she now felt due to his words would not hinder her from sitting him big time once he was better. It was nothing less than he deserved either, for leaving them behind to go fighting. And all for some flowers. Her expression changed from relief to anger as she rang out the juices from the herbs into her boiling pot.
As she worked on preparing the medicines, she eyed her outfit constantly. Her old school uniform had been soaked completely, so Kaede offered her other clothes. Namely, Kikyo's old clothes. It was more than enough to make her feel uncomfortable. Inuyasha already thought of Kikyo every time he looked at the reincarnation. She was sure she could do without the outfit to boot. A part of her wanted to put on her old clothes again, as though in doing so, she could have her identity back. 'Inuyasha… Baka! When you said those words, you probably thought I was Kikyo, didn't you? You said when we met that she was more beautiful, after all.'
Reincarnation. That's… all she would ever be, to him.
She wrinkled her nose and huffed, and put more herbs into the pot. A noise behind her caught her attention, and she turned around to see Inuyasha shivering on the futon. Not just shivering, but darting his head back and forth, panting hard, and gripping the mattress. His eyelids were squeezed shut, and even at her distance, she could see the sweat dripping from his forehead. She sighed. A nightmare.
Any anger she had had before instantly faded from her mind, to be replaced by the softness that was uniquely hers. This hanyou, so strong and yet so vulnerable. He got her thinking, what did it mean to be content? With her family back home, she was happy. With her friends and the excitement of Tokyo, she was happy. Basking in the luxury of modern times, it was something she had grown to appreciate through her constant time travel. And yet, contentment…
She smiled weakly, and went to him. Carefully, slowly, as though she would wake him and break the spell were she to move too abruptly. She stood hovering over him for but a moment, pondering if it was wise what she was considering. A part of her screamed for her to leave, to flee this place and never come back, but her steps just wouldn't come. Somehow, her steps belonged to Inuyasha and Inuyasha alone. Only he held sway to her movements.
The miko dropped to her knees next to him. Then, gingerly as was her way, she lifted his head, repositioning it on her lap. She remembered well what he had requested the last time he was poisoned. God willing, it would help him again. Why it affected him so, she had no idea, but it wasn't something she was about to protest. As his white hair lay against her, it splayed out over her lap, so that she was covered with nothing but Inuyasha.
Her hand lifted into the air, fidgeting with itself for but a moment, until finally resting on his head. His twitching body felt hot under her fingertips, which remained strained until she tangled her fingers into his hair to carress his scalp. His movements instantly paused, and he was still as water. The panting stopped, and for a moment it was as if he wasn't breathing anymore. But every few seconds, he took in a deep breath, then froze again as her fingers ran through his bangs. Finally, his head fell to one side, and his entire body relaxed.
Estoy buscando en vano una sola explicación.
Que de una vez por todas justifique tanta incomprensión.
Si la vida nos importa, y si no somos tan idiotas,
¿Porque nos dedicamos a cubrir el mundo de dolor?
From his now still hands to his silver hair, she felt the mists of her confusion start to disperse. Not because she had discovered the answer to the mystery that was Inuyasha. She doubted she ever would, but perhaps something was unlocking within herself. Some secret told through her love for him, something that told her what the fates had in store.
His sudden calmness shocked her slightly. It was like he knew she was there, like she cared. But how could he? He was so dense, he probably still had no idea what he did to her every time she was with him. How she had begged him to unlock the secret hidden in his eyes. How she wanted him to tell her the truth, just how he felt about her. Was he pleased with her? Did he require something of her? 'I would follow you to the ends of the earth, Inuyasha.'
She sighed heavily. It was more than she could ask for, to be with him. Not only to be under his protection, but to be one of his friends. She'd never truly understand how he could go unloved for so long, because when she looked at him, everything came to life. Dead things, inanimate things lit up with the fire of the Kaze no Kizu, in a beautiful brilliance of color and adrenaline that she couldn't yet fully understand. It was like flying, with the wind in her hair. It felt like she had finally achieved the ultimate freedom. Freedom to soar as high as she wanted, freedom to return to the man who called her back. Freedom, and a glorious imprisonment she didn't want to leave.
Es cierto lo que dicen sobre engaño y corrupción.
O que miles de niños se alimentan solo con arroz;
Y cuando miras al de al lado y lo ves tan necesitado,
¡que regalo tan preciado La Fortuna nos ha dado!
Over 500 years, she had traveled to be with him. Maybe the journey was not so hard, but the promise she had made certainly was. Giving up everything she ever held dear because of a duty. No, because she wanted it. Even without the shikon shards, her soul screamed that this was her purpose, to open up Inuyasha's soul and let him see the world that was beautiful. Through her, maybe, he could see that not everyone was prone to hate him. Through her, he would see that he would, could, should be loved.
What was contentment? Her family… her friends… the luxuries of her old life. Outside that small hut within the valleys of old Japan, the world was a dangerous place. The world of youkai sought to kill her for the shikon shards. This was no place for her. She did not belong. She belonged in the future with the things and people that had made her happy. And yet, as she sat there, holding a hanyou's head in her lap, soothing away his fears and healing his wounds, the answer was all too obvious. Right there, in the hut on top of the hill, with the hanyou she had grown to love so much, there was her contentment. There was her reason for leaving everything else behind.
And if she could look into his mind at that very moment, she wouldn't believe what she had seen.
Y ¿Para que medir el tiempo, si lo nuestro es esperar?
¿para que sentimos ciertos, si la vida nos da igual?
O ¿para que creernos todo lo que vemos, si al final,
No sabemos ni siquiera si es fantasía o realidad.
The air was misty, and illuminated in a soft sink and orange. Was it morning last time he had checked? But there was no sky to speak of, nor a ground to hold one's footing. There was no oxygen to breathe out in this new space. And yet, even such phenomena went unnoticed, for it was merely the magic that came bursting from the center. Down into the pull of gravity, the stars fell. One by one bursting through the barrier, and exploding upon impact. The clouds dispersed as they came closer, only to find in the center two figures. Merely a hanyou and a miko, unimportant, weak, and naïve to boot. They alone created this world of wonder, where their had been no gravity nor anything else that made sense at all.
Their arms encircled each other, in doing so, retaining the order of the world. Sharing their warmth and their touch, the energy caused everything they felt to spread out to the physical world and beyond. Their universe expanding, their life force running to the edge and back again, it was what lie in their now locking lips that held the secret to their existence.
This place was spinning in steady rhythm to their heartbeats, circling endlessly around them and giving them light wherever it could. White and black hair fluttered in what could be assumed to be a breeze, but they never shivered. Never faltered from their tight embrace. Inuyasha moved his hand to her cheek as his lips tasted more of her, pulling her in deeper to his affections. His thumb ran once over her eyes, begging that she not open them up and break the enchantment. In this world of dreams, he never wanted to wake up. As long as he could hold out, this would be his new reality. This would be his salvation for the rest of his life, if only in her kiss.
…O realidad …o realidad.
The boiling of the pot broke her from her playtime with his hair, and she reluctantly moved him off her lap to fetch the medicine. His nightmares had now died down completely, and the medicine was ready. She smoothed over her clothes as she stood and made her way over to the fireplace. She sat next to it and removed the pot to scoop the medicine into a bowl for Inuyasha to drink from.
Buscan soluciones con el racismo hay que acabar,
Y no saben todavía por donde van a empezar.
She didn't notice immediately as the hanyou's eyes opened. He had known she was there, calming him, only when she had moved to leave his side. It had awoken him, and he almost whimpered as she left. As he scanned the room once, his eyes were still blurry. The poison was not through yet. His brain still had a ways to go before it went back to normal. The only thing that seemed to stand out in the room was a young girl, her skin illuminated pink and orange by the fireplace, just like the colors in his dream. A smile tugged at his lips, and before he knew what he was doing, he was trying to get up, only to be stopped by a horrid pain in his stomach.
Y si todos los individuos fuéramos de un color distinto
Seguro seguiría viendo problemas de igualdad racial
She jumped a little when she saw that he was awake, and rose to stop him immediately. She took the pot over to where he was and placed it down at his feet. "Inuyasha, stop! You're wounds are too deep and you're still poisoned! You can't get up yet!"
He grimaced hard, until she lightly pushed him back down. He grunted with a smile, "Don't be stupid. I'll be fine. They're just-."
But the pain in him was too much for him to continue. She frowned, "Yeah, yeah, I know! They're just scratches, right? Well, know that, Inuyasha? They're far more than that! It's bad enough that you nearly got yourself killed, but now you won't even wait to be healed before you can go try it again!"
Alguien dijo un día una indudable verdad:
"olvidamos las pequeñas alegrías por lograr la gran felicidad."
Son detalles de la vida que dan otro punto de vista,
Quizá sea demasiado tarde cuando los quieras valorar.
The angry tone in her voice pierced his heart, and he looked up at her with confused eyes. However, she couldn't, wouldn't let it get to her. The tears were already threatening to fall, though she couldn't tell him it was because he was awake again, because she knew now that he would live through this. He spoke through clenched teeth as he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, "Damnit! Why do you have to be so ungrateful? I was fucking trying to help."
"Don't give me that, Inuyasha," Kagome yelled, and her voice cracked, "It was stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! This has nothing to do with being ungrateful! This has to do with you throwing your life away for some flowers!"
He shook his head dizzily, and his voice came in soft this time. An even more deadly element in her mind serving towards her demise. "Please… don't be mad at me."
The sweet presence in his voice implanted itself deep within her. It was like when he had unknowingly called her beautiful. But it didn't matter that he was probably still delirious. He was still a baka, and in his voice, she could hear that he was trying to back out of this punishment. It infuriated her, but caused the hot tears to finally spill onto her cheeks.
"Oh, then what? Should I be happy that you almost died? Didn't you think for a second about how terrified I would be with you gone?"
He wanted to say that he wanted her to have everything that she deserved, everything that would ever make her happy. But such words would take too much energy to say. He settled for, "I'd always come back. I always come after you, don't I?"
Y ¿Para que medir el tiempo, si lo nuestro es esperar?
¿para que sentimos ciertos, si la vida nos da igual?
"Don't you ever EVER think about leaving me like that again, baka! I don't know what I would have done if… if…"
The strain on her heart, the flood of tears drowning her face was already proving too much for her. Once again, she collapsed onto his chest, careful of the wound, but still abrupt enough to take the wind out of him. She buried her face into his neck, and allowed her fingers to grasp his rosary beads. More cries escaped her, and she didn't even bother to wipe her tears away. He deserved to know how much she would cry for him if he had died. How her life would quite literally fall apart at the seams.
But he was safe. He was alive, and talking to her. Right now, her tears were more for unimaginable joy that anything else. Just to know that she could hold onto him again, that she had protected him from his own stupidity, it was enough to rack her with sobs.
O ¿para que creernos todo lo que vemos, si al final,
No sabemos ni siquiera si es fantasía o realidad
Then, it happened again. The same as had occurred outside when she had found him. Something, no two things this time, warm and welcoming, landed soft as feathers on her shoulder and back. Over time, their strength increased on her, and even through the clothes, Kagome could feel the warmth of his hands, pushing her inhibitions over the edge.
She pulled away to look at him. What was he thinking? Did the medicine really take so long that he was still delirious? She gasped as she looked into his eyes. They seemed so… full. As though his soul was complete. And… they were asking her something. Soft whispers, coming not from the mouth, but through the eyes beckoned her to listen with her own senses. Her body was so cold, but when his fingers lightly brushed at her exposed collar bone, he shared his warmth with her. It was the promise that he had made so many times before, but with something extra to it. And all he asked for himself, he would not put into words. His eyes dropped from hers and seemed to scan her entire face.
His gaze fell all over her. Somehow he could find no flaws, even the redness in her cheeks from crying looking angelic to him. In his poisoned state, he didn't even think she would notice as his eyes came to rest on her pink lips. Slightly parted, he could hear her breathing timidly. She was afraid, of what? And what could he do to quell her fears? All he knew in those few moments was that he never wanted anything as desperately as he wanted to taste her mouth. He had before, twice, but it just never was enough. For reasons unimaginable, his kiss knew her better than any other part of him, just as her kiss knew the real him, the one hidden beneath the surface.
…O realidad …o realidad.
The thought struck her, and she recoiled instantly. She was afraid, it was true, but not of him. She was afraid… afraid of what it would mean, were she to kiss him. That look in his face… was he going to kiss her? If he did, it couldn't be because he wanted to. The poison still had a firm grip over his thoughts. She knew because of the softness in his voice and his eyes. Not to mention that his fingers played on her skin as delicately as glass, as though he thought she might break.
"I have to give you the medicine," she said rapidly, and turned towards the pot.
She filled the cup with some of the medicine before she turned back to Inuyasha. Using one hand, she tilted his head upwards. With the other, she brought the drink to his lips and tilted. The medicine ran more or less down his throat, and she used a napkin to erase the remnants from his chin and cheeks. The whole time, he was looking up at her, seeking out her gaze. But she refused to look at him. Already more tears were building up. 'He's in love with Kikyo, Kagome. Don't let yourself be fooled. He doesn't want to kiss you. He just thinks you look like Kikyo. It's her he wants to kiss.'
She went back again for the pot to fill it with more medicine, and Inuyasha was still watching her. Not that he expected anything new to happen… but something nagged him. He knew what he wanted. He had wanted it for quite some time now. And as she turned back to him with a fresh cup of that medicine, his memory flashed with thoughts of her. How she had taken care of him time and time again. How she had worried about him whenever they were fighting Naraku. How much he missed her when she left. Nothing, not Kikyo, nor a stupid well, nor Naraku could ever have what he felt for her. He knew it, and by God, the whole world had to know it. And as the poison caused his last ounce of control to leave him, she had to know it too.
Y ¿Para que medir el tiempo, si lo nuestro es esperar?
¿para que sentimos ciertos, si la vida nos da igual?
It was all so fast; she didn't have any time to react. The hanyou rose up, bringing his upper body off the futon. A millisecond later, he knocked the medicine cup out of Kagome's hand, which shattered on the ground afterwards. She gasped loudly though weakly as his arms suddenly clutched her to him, and her lips were suddenly silenced by his own. Crushing… pulsing… intense heat as he burrowed into her. Her eyes flew wide open, and she began to back away out of shock. However, as soon as their lips parted, he put one of his hands behind her head, forcing her lips back onto his. The red desperation in his kiss suddenly made the sounds of the world outside ten times louder. Like they boomed, quaked under the hanyou's power. She slowly but surely fell into it.
O ¿para que creernos todo lo que vemos, si al final,
No sabemos ni siquiera si es…
With the hand he had used to recapture her kiss, he cradled her cheek, and closed her eyes with his thumb just as he had done in the dream. She complied, as his kiss commanded her to. This time, she even wrapped her arms around his neck, making sure he would never leave her. If he did, she was sure she would cry out. It was far too beautiful to end so soon. The passion spread like wildfire. Everything it touched burst into flame. Consuming… burning… deadly. Further they ventured into the fire, choking on embers and smoke the whole way. As they were in that moment, they could die in the heat of their devotion. It was indeed the most glorious way to leave the world of the living, but it was also the life they clung to like the last rope. Their obsession, their passion, it was this that drove them both to endure the fires and come out fighting.
Fantasía o realidad.
But alas, the inevitable… the naïve… and the horrid conclusion finally emerged in her mind, the one that would break the rope. '… Kikyo…'
O realidad…
She pushed away from him. Recoiled, as though he might kill her if she touched him. She fell back, but he caught her and held on. His lips sought out her lips again, missing and instead reigning kisses on her chin and cheeks. She whimpered in the agony that scorched through her. Still more tears. 'He… he thinks I'm Kikyo, doesn't he.'
She sobbed out loud, not caring who heard her. As all the pieces of the puzzle fit together, she felt her heart shatter inside her ribs, the shards scattering like the shards of the jewel they had collected. They ricocheted off her insides and tore downwards, all the way to her toes. And oh God, why was he still tormenting her with kisses?
She brought her hands between them and pushed him away from her. Still, he stubbornly came back for her, and she could see his glazed eyes. Damn that poison. Damn that youkai. Damn this whole cruel ugly world for condemning her to this fate. She yelled, "Miroku-sama! Sango-chan! Help!"
In mere seconds, they both emerged into the hut. They paused only half a second as they saw how Inuyasha was clinging to Kagome, and how she was pushing him away. When they reached them, Kagome had managed to pull herself up to her feet and out of the hanyou's reach. He tried to move after her and shouted, "Wait!"
Miroku and Sango went to his side, holding him back down to the futon. He struggled against them, calling out to Kagome and Kagome alone, "Come back! You can't leave again!"
Miroku called, "Kaede-baba!"
The old miko emerged moments later, just as Kagome rushed past her into the outside world. Miroku held steadfast to the hanyou as Kaede prepared more medications, and he whispered sternly, "Calm down, Inuyasha. You must wait until you're well again!"
"No!" He shouted.
O realidad.
None of them saw the pain in his eyes. They were shut tight due to the pain of the movement. The poisoned burned his insides and made his head pound. But that wasn't why he was crying out. Kagome… where had she gone? In his current state, he didn't understand why she had suddenly disappeared. In his nightmare, he had seen her vanishing into thin air, and he had been running, running, and running after something unseen, calling out her name in desperation.
He panted hard and pushed against his friends and his horrific pain, but in the end, his tired mind couldn't take it. He passed out in their arms.
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Savage sobs shook her entire body. Her fingers tangled into her own hair, wanting nothing more than to rip it out. All she could think was… why? Why in God's name was she subjected to this? Why did that baka hanyou have to kiss her when she so desperately needed it to be for real?
And what was worse was that now, even after her heart had been ripped from her, all she wanted to do, more than anything in the world, was to go back in that room and be in his arms again.
To be continued…
I'm sure now you all want to kill me, but at least wait until next chapter before you sharpen your pitchforks. Here's a little spoiler: Kagome goes back in to see him and they're some big fluffy cuteness. No sadness. Hurray!
So how did I do? Did you cry, did you fall in love, or did it totally suck? Please please please let me know what you think! I'm absolutely dying to know what you think of this chapter especially.
Kawaii-CherryWolf: Any sadness I give you, I will definitely make up for. Glad you're enjoying it. (hugs)
Inuyasha-kagome-forever99: Come on now! You didn't really think I'd let him die, did you? No more adorable ears? No way I'd stand for that! (hugs)
Lacey Beans: I'm so glad you approve, cause Spanish, and language in general, is such a huge passion of mine, it just really brings the story together for me. Haha, no wonder I'm a linguistics major. I bet I sound obsessed. (hugs)
Kamira: ME LOVE FLUFF! You wait for more! Me bring back! (hugs)
Mentsl Mess: No, I sure hope it doesn't mean that. That would sure be weird of the creators to do that. No, this is most definitely Inuyasha. Haha, but that put an interesting thought in my head, for sure. (hugs)
NeuroticallyDignified: Ya, that's why I love the hanyou to pieces. I want one! And the flower thing is so cliché and mushy… so very me. Haha! (hugs)
Inubaby2: Well, if I do get kicked off, which I doubt very much now, I'll track you down and email them to you. Teehee. Cause I cherish you dedication. (hugs)
A100rinchhead: Thanks so much for clearing that up for me. I'm so glad I can do it without getting in trouble. Argh, why am I such a goodie-two-shoes. Hahaha, you know. (hugs)
Becky: If I don't, something has gone horribly wrong… That… or I'm on vacation. Haha! No worries, I won't leave you hanging. (hugs)
Kawaiibritt: I'm all about the sweetness. (sigh) And viva la fluff! (hugs)
InuyashaGal: Hey girl! Coolest yet, huh? Well at least now I've set up a reputation. Only can go up from here. Hehe. (hugs)
Nekoxlove: Tell me your questions and I'll be glad to answer them here, or if you want, just IM me so we can talk one on one. (hugs)
HelikaAkileh: Honestly, I think I could only get away with that fluff because he was delirious. So sad, but true. I wish he could be sweeter sometimes too, but then again, I suppose that would make the chase less fun. Haha! (hugs)
-Key of Minds-: Yeah, I'm trusting that I won't get screwed, cause I've been told by others the same thing. Let's just pray it works out. If not, I'll always find ways to bring the story to you. (hugs)
Srg1: I'm glad to be talking to you all again, cause I totally agree. And I sooo appreciate you guys taking the time to read this, cause I'm putting so much of myself into this writing. Really, it's the only fun thing happening during summer, since I have work, so it is to be considered my social life. Lol. (hugs)
Wolfen91: The story line continues evolving, and I pray I'll be able to keep you interested. Thank you for your time and appreciation, and addiction. Haha. (hugs)
Mooximxaxwhale: Of course he does. I love him far too much to let him die. It would kill me. (hugs)
Trekker4life: Glad I'm not getting rusty. I was worried for a while that I was running out of creative juice. I'm usually so tired after work, it's all I can do to get the chapters out right most of the time. (hugs)
Chiot Pelucheux: Whew, when I first saw the 'I hate you' I was like 'not another flame'. Thank goodness I was wrong. And tears? Oh my! I'll remedy that… eventually. (hugs)
Aaaaah, so many reviews! Happy…