Chapter Seven

Lupin

"Always sleeping……used to find him conked out in the library or on the common room floor…….James thought he was narcoleptic." From somewhere very far away I could hear Sirius talking. His voice rising and falling like a badly tuned radio. "……then found out about the werewolf thing……once fell asleep in his breakfast." There was laughter. Her laughter. Not mocking, just laughing for the sake of it. Even half asleep I could picture her clearly; how she'd raise one hand to her forehead, so that her face was almost covered and then giggle helplessly, as if completely overcome by life's silliness. "We used to put make up on him, or write things across his forehead. Even that didn't wake him. Sometimes he'd walk around for hours without realizing what we'd done." Sirius' voice was even now. I was beginning to come clear. It always takes me a good quarter hour to really wake up.

"I think he's surfacing," Tonks said, laughter threatening in her voice. She always seemed just on the edge of laughing or smiling.

I was beginning to be aware of other things now; a record was playing, though I couldn't quite place what band. It sounded familiar. A window was open. A soft breeze was blowing through, lifting the hair that had flopped over my forehead. I needed to cut it. I was getting as bad as Sirius, with all this hair flopping in my eyes.

"He'll be awake in another five minutes or so," said Sirius.

What was playing? The part of my brain that is still sixteen hoped very much that it was Simon and Garfunkel.. I don't have any real affinity with their music, but they were playing the night Tonks hugged me, and my inner idiot thought that if they were playing she might do it again.

Ah, now I had it. "Children of the Revolution". T-Rex. Sirius' theme song during seventh year. Once in seventh year James and Sirius wrote 'I Love Blokes' across my forehead in grease pen while I was asleep. Not very original, but I walked around with it on my face all morning and all through History of Magic, wondering why everyone kept looking at me and giggling, before Lily took pity and told me.

James and Sirius were digging chewing gum out of their noses for a week after that one.

Kreacher wandered into the room, muttering creakily "Half-breeds, blood traitors, oh my poor, poor mistress….." I heard Sirius rise and throw him from the room. As he walked past the couch on his way to his chair I tried to say 'You haven't written anything horrible on my head, have you?' but what came out was "Yuh swimdhig kimamummiduh?".

"Try that again, mate," said Sirus, trying very hard to contain himself and failing. I could hear him chuckling.

"Said y'haven't written an'thing 'orrible on myface?" I managed, trying to open my eyes. The room was blurry and too bright. I shut them again.

"Would've done, only Tonks wouldn't let me," he said sulkily.

"Thank you verymuch, T'nks," I croaked, sitting up but keeping my eyes closed. "Truly grateful." I shook my head a couple of times to clear it and finally managed to get my eyes to stay open. Sirius was sitting in an armchair with his feet propped up on the arm of the couch. Tonks was leaning against the windowsill. Her hair was blond and curly today.

"Hello," she said. "Glad you could join us."

"I haven' completely," I said, trying not to think about just how nice she looked. "What time is it anyway?"

"Nine," said Sirus. "At night, just in case you were wondering."

The sad thing was, I was wondering.

"You missed dinner," he said.

"Oh," I said, realizing that I was hungry, but unable to muster much emotion about it.

"Yes, looks like you won't be having anything 'till breakfast. Shame you're so lazy," Sirius beamed innocently at me.

"Oh stuff it, Sirius. Remus, Molly made you a sandwich," said Tonks, rolling her eyes. By 'sandwich' I knew she meant sandwiches. Molly only makes food in the plural.

"I could do with a sandwich," said Sirius.

"You just ate!" said Tonks, looking bewildered.

"I ate two hours ago," said Sirius, and marched off to the kitchen.

"My God, if he wasn't so skinny the man would be morbidly obese," Tonks slid off the windowsill and began to rove around the room. She wasn't wearing a bra under her t-shirt. 'My God', indeed.

"D'you know where Molly is?" I asked. "I want to tell her I'm sorry I missed dinner."

"Oh don't bother. You didn't miss much. Harry's trial's tomorrow and the poor kid's really worried. And Sirius wanted to go, but Dumbledor said no, so the whole thing was pretty tense."

I shook my head. "It's not fair on Sirius, being stuck here, feeling useless. I'd go mad."

"Yeah, but what can he do? Can't really stroll down the street can he?"

"He could've come with us to get Harry. We did it at night. No one would've noticed."

She smiled over her shoulder at me, "And they say you're the responsible one. Oi, what's this then?" She bent down, pulled a leather photo album from under Sirius' chair, and flipped it open. "Well fuck me!" She began to laugh in that bewildered way of hers.

"What?" I asked.

"It's you!" she rushed over and plonked down next to me, curling her legs under her and shoving the book half into my lap. "Look! It's a whole bunch of muggle photos of you, Sirius, and some other people. And you're like, really young!" I felt a slight pang, remembering the fourteen year age gap—which was less a gap really, and more a great, gaping hole—which was one of the many reasons why I could not allow myself to feel the way I was beginning to feel about Tonks.

"Where are you two, anyway?" she asked, and I looked down at the picture for the first time. It was Sirius, Marian, Kim, Jules, and me, smiling up at the camera from a long stone jetty with a rotten, wood lifeguard's chair at the end.

"Mineley," I said. "I got a job at a hotel there when I was eighteen. Sirius got one too, to keep me company. Those are some people who worked with us."

"Why are they muggle pictures?" she asked. She was leaning very close to me and I could smell her hair.

"They were muggles. It was a muggle hotel," I said, remembering.

"I'm sorry I called you old before," she suddenly blurted out, turning to face me. She looked terribly anxious, as if she'd committed a serious crime.

"It's alright," I said lightly. "I am old, you see."

"Not really," she said earnestly.

"Remus, you need to have a talk with Molly. She's convinced you're ill or something," Sirius strode into the room. "Told her you just sleep a lot, nothing to do with the moon or being sick, but she's convinced. What's that then?" he dropped a ham and cheese sandwich onto my arm as he passed. "Oh the pictures! Yeah I found them in the trunk of things the ministry sent to my mum after they locked me up. I was surprised she didn't have Kreacher burn it." He took a huge bight out of his sandwich and offered the last one to Tonks who took it absently and began leafing through the pictures.

"Who's she?" she asked, pointing to a picture of Marian and me on the beach. We were sitting by a bonfire, my arm around her, her head resting on my shoulder.

"That's Marian. Remus' old girlfriend," said Sirus.

"Oh," said Tonks, and squinted at the picture.

"Yeah weird, innit, someone fancying him?" said Sirius.

"Hmmm," said Tonks.

"Oi Tonks," Ginny poked her head round the door. "Fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"

"Alright, but only a short one. I've got to leave in half an hour," Tonks stood and handed her sandwich to Sirius. "You eat that. See you later, Remus."

"Where are you going in half an hour?" asked Ginny, her face the picture of innocent curiosity. You had to hand it to her, she was very determined.

"To None of Your Business Land."

"Tonks!"

" 'Night," she said again and disappeared after Ginny.

For a few minutes Sirius and I sat in silence, chewing. Then he scooted closer to me on the couch and threw his arm over my shoulders in a big-brotherly sort of way. The gesture said 'I'm going to give you some advice now, whether you want it or not.'

"So Remus, how long has it been, exactly, since you've shagged anyone?"

I nearly choked on my sandwich. "What?"

"Just a friendly question, mate."

"Well I'm not answering it."

"That long, eh?" he said smugly.

"Yes, well it's not as if you're winning any prizes for Most Shags Since Christmas," I snapped.

"True, true. But I've been in prison. Also everyone thinks I'm a mass murderer. What's your excuse?" he started in on Tonks' sandwich, still looking disgustingly smug.

"I've been busy," I said, cringing at how defensive I sounded. This was bringing back countless memories of school when he'd interrupt me while I was revising or writing an essay or, once, taking a shower, to tell me all about his latest sexual escapade and to ask me why I hadn't found a nice girl and joined in the fun.

"Clearly," he examined his nails, eyebrows raised.

"Look, what is it you're getting at?" I snapped.

"Well I was thinking, as you clearly haven't had any sex in quite some time, that you should get off your arse and try to have some with dear old Tonksie."

I gaped at him. "Are you joking?"

"Course not," he said. "Why would I joke about something like that? Why, don't you want to?"

"Yes but that's not really the point," I said. "There are other factors that come into this. For one, Tonks would have to be interested."

Sirius looked at me pityingly, "God, you really are thicker than a concussed troll aren't you? The girl is mad about you. She fancies you like nothing else!"

I shook my head, disbelieving. "She can't. Why would she?" I was trying very hard to fight off the happy feeling rising in my chest. He was probably taking the piss.

"Your problem is your self esteem is disgustingly low," said Sirius. "Let me tell you something—"

"Is it something I want to hear?"

"Not fussed, really. Listen. I have done many adventurous things." Yes, I thought. Threesomes and God only knows what else come to mind. "And they were fun. But I couldn't have done any of them without self esteem."

"Are you trying to make a point, Sirius?" I said.

"What I am trying to say," he stood and began to leaf through the records. "Is that you should go for it with Tonks. Take the plunge. Take a bloody risk for once."

There was a soft clunk and a hiss as he set a new record on the deck and it began to spin. Then "Sound of Silence" crackled out. It was too much.

"I'm going to find Molly. Keep her from having a nervous break down," I said, standing.

"Good idea. And think about what I said."

"Good night Sirius," I said firmly.

A/N: bleh. Sorry, I really don't like the ending. Please Review, please!