The undecided of Earendil

By-Larien

Chapter 19

Elvnchic9- Wait, wait! I know this one! C. All of the above! No, Aragorn is not at all like Thranduil, I think he was just a little astounded and not expecting a notion like that to arise, especially since Caniel has not shown a lot of interest in the matter while with/around him. And it depends where Caniel and Legolas stand- last chapter they were standing in her dwelling, and then at the council meeting, etc. Lol. You'll find out in this chapter!

madrone- I don't think anyone trusts Aradhel at this point. But maybe we're just all mistaken, who knows? And Caniel and Legolas will become a little less timid in this chapter, so just hold on! Thanks for the review!

Legolaslover77- I've actually played that game before, hence where the idea came from. And yes, I felt Thranduil had to be outspoken by someone, and when the opportunity arose to have it be a woman, well that was just too good to pass up. Thanks for the review!

Copperfang- I was wondering who this copperfang was that had added me to their favorites! Well, that clears up some confusion! Lol. Anyway- oh my goodness! I'm completely speechless and not to mention flattered! Thank you so much for those wonderful compliments; I'm just so glad you enjoy the story. It's difficult writing one that pleases people and it made my day reading that! I hope it continues to please you and thanks again for putting me on your favorites!

A/N- This chapter has a portion of a rather romantic scene. Granted it's not "M" material, so I'm sorry for those who want more action, but let's face it- elves wouldn't pull the crap that we see in "R" movies today. So there is some romance; probably the most we've seen so far. But it's not vial, sex related material. So there you are. Feedback is encouraged for this chapter especially, and thanks to all those who have been faithful reviewers. You guys are great!

After the meeting during which it was decided that Aragorn was to accompany Caniel to the North, Legolas made his way back to his dwelling with mixed emotions. The reason he was going there was to pack, which cruelly reminded him that it was indeed his last day in Rivendell. And he was pleased that Caniel finally had gotten her way, though he could tell it greatly irritated his father- perhaps that was also a reason it made it that much better. Yet part of him felt wary with the thought of her spending time with Aradhel. The fact that Aragorn was accompanying quenched the wrenching in his stomach somewhat, but he couldn't help but feel concerned.

Upon entering his dwelling and after changing into a simple tan shirt and black leggings, he began filling his bag with the clothes hung in the closet. Coming across his elven blades, he couldn't help but give them a twirl. As he moved around with the delicate blades, his movements fast and fluid with each twirl and duck, he found himself aching for another battle. For some reason, it was just a drive of his; to fight. He loved the rush and the excitement. Jumping on a chair and tipping off the back of it, Legolas was startled to turn around with his blades raised in Thranduil's un-amused face.

"Father!" Legolas yelped, stumbling in his fluid step.

"Legolas." Thranduil replied, stalking past him to his half empty bag. "I see you've packed."

"I was getting there, I just-"

"Always allowing for distractions aren't we?" Thranduil grumbled, refolding one of the tunics and replacing it in the bag.

"What do you mean?" Legolas moved to place his blades in their shaft before returning to his clothes alongside his father.

"I mean you must keep your attention more alert and your senses more keen if you expect to uphold your reputation as a key fighter." Thranduil smiled. "You didn't even hear me approach."

"I wasn't actually in a battle." Legolas shrugged. "I wasn't trying."

"Indeed." Thranduil started to pace the room, looking at the paintings and running his hands over the furniture. "What think you of the outcome of the meeting?"

"I thought it was a good decision." Legolas stated firmly.

"Do you?" Thranduil stopped momentarily to gaze at his son. "You think we should involve ourselves in this war of Aradhel's?"

"I don't trust Aradhel if that's what you're asking." Legolas said. "And I don't know yet if this war is indeed ours. If it is, then yes. I believe we should get involved."

"But how is one to know?" Thranduil sighed. "Do we trust the word of an unauthorized authority?"

"Yes." Legolas nodded. "I would trust the every word of Caniel."

"I see. And why is that?" Thranduil asked, coming across the bow of Legolas, which sat precariously atop the dresser.

"She is wise beyond any others. And her knowledge of the politics and rulings is unmatchable."

"Is that all?"

Legolas felt his stomach drop and he asked more hesitantly. "What do you mean?"

"I came by last night, to discuss the meeting with you. It was well into the night, for I figured by then you would have finished your socializing and would have returned home. I was wrong." Thranduil studied the bow carefully, a sly smile crossing his lined features. "You did not return and eventually, I grew tired of waiting. Where were you?"

"My socializing went well into the night." Legolas mumbled, busying himself with tying the bag shut once it was full of his clothes.

"You're socializing with Caniel?"

"Perhaps."

"You find favor with her?"

"She is a friend."

"I see."

There was a moment's pause while Thranduil studied his son, who kept his gaze on the bag below.

"You do realize it's pointless to get your feelings too involved, don't you?" Thranduil said at last. "I've already expressed my views on who I think you should be with."

"Too many times you have." Legolas grumbled.

"I'm just making sure you have your head in the right place."

Thranduil picked up the bow, running his fingers over the fine engravings.

"And where is that father? With some woman I don't even know or care for?" Legolas shot back, looking up from his bag finally. He bit his tongue to refrain from saying more, for the smirk on his father's face was evident that he had said enough already.

"It should be with your kingdom, and your father who is counting on you to be an applicable ruler once I'm gone."

"I will rule Mirkwood then, in sorrow and darkness, for what is a ruler who is not happy? You are happy because you have Mirkwood. I am happy because I have Caniel. If I take away your Mirkwood, if I refuse to return with you and am banished, you would not be happy. You rule under what you feel is a just and peaceful leadership. Should you then be unhappy, so too will your rule reflect that and therefore your just system will fall to hypocrisy and your peace will turn to darkness."

"Are you saying then, that you are not to return?"

Legolas shrugged, catching the worry in his father's eye. "I have half a mind."

"Caniel is no more then a friend, whom you have become enthralled with because of her wisdom and power. I offer you power Legolas, the same you see in her. And wisdom is to be gained, and what better way to gain it then to become king and educate yourself? If you desire what she has, feast on the knowledge that awaits you as king!" Thranduil replied.

"I do not desire what she has, father!" Legolas threw his hands in the air. "I desire her!"

Thranduil almost dropped the bow that he was replacing on the dresser. "You are not serious?"

"I am."

"But she is not elf. She is not of royal blood." Thranduil turned sharply on his son. "You cannot desire her."

Legolas glared. "Who are you to decide what I can and can't desire?"

"You are young and naïve. She could never provide for you! She could not be a queen! Yes you may be happy now but in the long run…" Thranduil seemed to plead. "You must find a girl who knows how to be a queen to a wise king! You must find a girl who will be content to bear you sons and to walk in your shadow!"

"I will not have anyone in my shadow!" Legolas huffed. "And I would have no other woman bear my children. You can force me to marry, father. But unless you want our line to end with me, I would watch whom you choose."

"Legolas you are being irrational!" Thranduil barked, pacing the room again. "You are asking to wed a girl you hardly know and who can not be queen! Are you then turning away from your place in Mirkwood? From your people who admire and adhere to you?"

Legolas looked to the ground, his mind full of debate. Thranduil watched in silence, wondering what he could say to change his sons mind.

"Legolas please." Thranduil said more gently, clasping his son by the shoulder. "Return to Mirkwood. Spend some time with the women who wait to be your queen. See what being king has to offer and discover your people. The people you have neglected to know for so long. And then make your decision. I promise things will work out before long."

"And if not?" Legolas looked sharply at his father.

"But they will-"

"If not, I'm allowed to do as I will." Legolas cut him off. "If I am still not content, you will let me resume my travel."

Thranduil's face twisted into a mixture of sadness, anger, and debate. Letting his son travel again would allow him to return to Caniel, which was the lat thing he wanted. But it was possibly the only way to get him to return to Mirkwood, and Thranduil couldn't stand the thought of banishing him, when there was no other predecessor. So after some thought, the king nodded.

"We leave early afternoon tomorrow then."

"Fine." Legolas said, walking briskly towards the door. "I'll see you then."

"Where are you headed?" Thranduil asked, following behind.

"To Caniel."

"Why?"

"There's much I need to say."

"Legolas, you aren't-"

"Father, don't you ever get tired of telling me things?"

"No." Thranduil looked utterly baffled.

Legolas smiled in his spot at the door. "I only just realized, I don't tell people enough. And I think tonight's a good time to start saying some things that are long overdue."

With this, he opened the door where soft rain greeted him and sprinted down the corridor, pulling a hooded tunic over his shirt.

"Legolas! Legolas!" Thranduil called, sticking his head into the rain, but his voice was drowned by the thunder that clapped overhead.

Legolas opened the door to Caniel's dwelling, taking a steadying breath as he did so. Tonight, he thought, was it. Tonight he spilled his thoughts, feelings, and emotions to the girl until they piled and squirmed on the floor like a can of worms. Tonight she would know everything.

At least, that was how he hoped it would work.

As he walked in, out of the rain, he shook the water off his brown hooded cloak and glanced about the room. It was alluring, candles were lit everywhere, and a pot of tea was steaming on the wood-stove. In the opposite room, where the sheer curtains of the archway lay heavy, he could faintly see that the bed had its canopy tied back and the large closet sat open and dark. The flowers decorating the place seemed wet, as though they had just been watered, and his nose filled with a strong scent of vanilla.

How ironic, his thoughts continued as he took a few more steps into the room, that the allure should be so perfect. No clatter could be heard from the two small birds in the cage next to the bedroom, as they perched asleep. Everything was calm, resting. As if it were the perfect atmosphere just to lay back and let rest all the worries of the world. But the one thing missing, the one vital piece to its calming nature was Caniel. Just to make sure he had not missed her, he moved aside the curtains and stepped into the room, where the chairs sat empty, save for her silk nightgown and gold embroidered robe hanging off the back of her couch. The tall mirror sat quietly in the corner, and to the left, the closet in which he could faintly see the shadow of her garments. But not her.

Turning once more he made his way into her living quarters. No one sat in the chairs, or lounged on the couch where a book lay open, marking a page. So she had been here not to long ago. Then he looked up to the door leading to her patio over looking the back, and his eyes bore the familiar silhouette of a girl. Her hair was pulled back with a simple pin to her head and a shawl was wrapped tight around the green dress she wore. Because of the rain, everything was clinging to her slim figure, causing Legolas to choke down yet another deep breath. As he approached, he realized the situation had just made itself that much more complicated. Though dripping with rain and still, he could not think of a more attractive sight. Why was it she was so perfect? In every detail he could not describe? Perhaps, he thought, tonight was not the night. He still had much to learn about this puzzle it seemed…

Caniel felt the doors open behind her, and immediately recognized the presence as Legolas. What was he doing this late visiting her when he was supposed to be packing? She felt her insides leap, but merely pushed the thought away, and opened her eyes from her meditation.

"Legolas, le suilon." She said softly as he approached her. (I greet you Legolas)

Legolas smiled despite himself. She had recognized his presence without seeing him. "Le suilon." He positioned himself at her side, folding his arms across his chest and gazing at the dark silhouettes of houses and trees that lay before them.

"Man le carel sí?" Caniel asked, watching him with her peripheral vision. (What are you doing here?)

"I come to visit. For it is bleak out and my company was lonely." Legolas remarked.

"I see. Aren't you supposed to be packing?" Caniel smiled, turning to him.

"I've already finished." He turned to face her also, smiling slyly, as he so often did. "What is that you are doing?"

"Meditating."

"While catching a cold?" Legolas laughed. "Wouldn't you be better suited inside?"

"I love the rain. It's calming to me." Caniel shrugged looking up. "Plus, a little water never killed anyone."

Legolas could only smile as he stared down at her. How this was perfect for him. He could just say everything right now; get it out. So why couldn't he bring himself to do it? There she was, just smiling at him through those gorgeous dark blue eyes…because she didn't feel the same way. She said it before- he was just like her brother. Nothing more. At this moment, he wished he could do anything to change that view, but it seemed unlikely that words would be of any help. Words would be laughed at, and would terribly disrupt the calming environment she had created. If only he could bring himself to even say "Hello" at this point! Instead, he was stuck staring into those mysterious eyes of Caniel…

Caniel watched him with unwavering confidence. For some reason, she was so overly relaxed, she didn't even begin to worry about the conflict she felt stirring with Legolas. The longing look in his eyes. The way he didn't move or speak for many minutes, only gazed passionately into her eyes…passionately? Caniel blinked suddenly, turning away and looking out over the fields again. That was a look unlike he had given before. It was not sly, nor smug, nor friendly. Just compassionate, loving, and affectionate…even lustful. She suddenly realized her mistake. Her calm was blocking her senses from everything else. Nothing triggered danger. Even that look which she now understood did not concern her. For he would not act upon it…would he?

When she turned away, Legolas only watched, still unable to move.

"Manen gen?" Caniel asked, trying to break the silence. (How are you?)

"Wet." Legolas laughed.

Caniel shared the laugh.

"Actually I'm rather tired." He admitted, stifling a yawn.

"So it appears! To be honest, so am I." She admitted.

Legolas searched her feelings again, for the hundredth time. This time though, he found her troubling over the dreams that had been haunting her sleep. From what he understood, they were the same dreams she had been receiving with Gandalf. So they did still pester her, though she did not say so.

"Anírach halph?" She asked him. (Do you care for a drink?)

"No thank you."

"Are you sure? There's some tea on the stove and…"

"I'm fine, truly." He said, cutting her off. "I'm perfectly content."

Yet another pause ensued as they gazed at one another. For some reason, Legolas knew what he had to do. His calm slowly began to regain itself as the rain pelted his hood steadily. He had broken her defense once. Now it was only a matter of time before he made her vulnerable again. Not in a bad way, just willing to open up to him, as he wanted to open up to her. Caniel on the other hand, was loosing her calm demeanor. The looks, the remarks, the eyes…everything told her something was on the mind of the elf. And what it was, she could only guess. But did she want him to go through with it?

It was an even argument in her mind, she realized. Part of her said let him have her. The other part told her to be strong. At this point, though, she didn't know if being strong was an option…

"Legolas, am man theled le sí?" She asked him quietly. (Legolas, why are you here?)

Legolas thought about this. Why was he here? Had it not been to tell her everything he was feeling? Or was it just to look into those eyes again, to feel her presence? Perhaps, it was merely to get his mind off the thought of leaving.

"I do not know. " He admitted. "I was troubled by many a thing, of which now I cannot remember. So I let my feet lead and I arrived at your door."

"Was it I that troubled you?" She asked at length.

Not thinking twice he said, "Yes."

Then Legolas took a step closer to her, and she backed away, almost comically.

"Legolas…we can't. I won't let us." Caniel stammered, unaware of what she was saying. Maybe he wasn't even talking about what she thought he was. But for some reason, inside she was sure this was about their feelings. Perhaps he would finally tell her where they stood. But now that it was happening, she didn't want to hear it.

He again moved closer, but she held out her hand.

"Daro! Don't come any closer!" (Stop!) She held out her hand to stop him.

"But why Caniel? Why will you not allow us? Allow yourself?" He asked in a stern voice.

"Because it's not right. It's just not right is all." She managed to say, but her voice shook.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He assured, taking her outstretched hand in his own. "Garo estel ned nin." (Have trust in me.)

"Don't you understand?" She finally said, more confidently then he thought she would. She took her hand from his. "We were, I mean, we are just friends!"

Legolas shook his head. "You know as well as I that we are more then just friends."

Caniel studied him.

"I will not fall weak to this want of yours, Legolas. I see the desire in your eyes. I can feel it stir within you."

"And I you."

Caniel blinked. Surely her feelings were not that evident! Had she been so distracted as to hide her emotions, to let her feelings become so readable?

"I do not want this." She stated firmly. More firmly then she felt.

"Then why have you kissed me?"

"I was caught off guard. I knew not what to do. I just…" He was watching her carefully, no doubt reading past the excuses she threw at him. "This will never work, Legolas. And you know it!"

"You are not different from me Caniel. We share the same wants and dreams. We both breathe and move. We feel and live. We are not different and neither are our worlds."
"But they are!" She corrected. "I'm not decided Legolas. According to the outside world, not to mention your father, I do not belong. Should I decide, I may still yet to belong. And what if I choose human? What then?"

"Earendil so loved his people, but for eternity spent his life with an elf." Legolas said quietly.

Caniel clenched her teeth. "And look what good it did! Look where they've left me!"

"Caniel, I wouldn't have you any different." Legolas breathed. "I want you for you. Your decision matters not to me. For I face my own, a different decision. But for now, while we still have time to enjoy what we have, what we desire, can we not share in it before we must make parting decisions?"
"So you will have me only until tomorrow? Until you are forced to leave and lust upon another woman? Or until I decide, and then we are left astray?"

"I may leave tomorrow," He said firmly. "But I will forever be with you for I am yours. And no matter where we go or what we choose, I choose you, Caniel. And no other."

As he looked her in the eyes, she found herself paralyzed. Searching his feelings she found that there was much he wanted to say. Yes he wanted this, but did she? How could she trust him, this elf who for so long named her mellon nín? This elf who would no longer be a part of her life as of tomorrow?

"Why are you so afraid?" Legolas asked, holding his hand to her. "Were we not content to practice archery in the fields? To horse back ride the roads and race when we were through? To spend hours conversing and reading to one another in our spare time to just enjoy the company? Why is it now, you become afraid? I have not lied to you thus far. You have trusted me before. Trust me again as you once did."

She studied his etched hand. "But why, Legolas? Why did you become so interested in me?"

"Because I saw in you something I always wanted. I saw strength beyond the physical being. I saw life and compassion. And a mystery just crying out to be solved. I saw within you the perfect companion. I wanted to learn every secret Caniel." He took another step forward, keeping her still with his gaze. "I wanted to share your dreams and longings. To hold you through your tears and carry you through your troubles. I wanted to become one with you and I can't explain why. Have you not felt it since we met? The bond we have?"

Caniel slowly took his hand, trembling as she spoke. "Yes. I have felt it."

He pulled her slowly towards him. "Then you know why it is I came here. And you know what I say is true. I have learned so much about you…and yet there is much to be learned. I want to spend every minute with you. I want to admire you and know everything. I want to be more then a friend…do not ask me to stop this desire for it is beyond my control."

"As is my desire." She said slowly. They were face to face now. "I do not know what it is I'm doing. And I hope I do not regret it. But I am yours. From this point on…I trust you Legolas." She swallowed hard, letting go of any last thoughts or hesitations. "And yes…I desire this."

This time it was not Legolas, rather Caniel who reached up to meet his lips with hers. The urge for his touch was excruciating and she could not help but feel the rush of the moment. Whether it would work, whether they would be exiled, would not matter. He wanted her as much as she desired him. It was as if everything else mattered less. She didn't need family, friends, or a home. He was all that and more. Letting herself fall victim to his thoughts and feelings again, which were strong and open to anyone attempting to read them, she found true love and compassion. A desire for her presence, not just her body. Upon feeling this, she held him closer, and he gladly accepted, wrapping his arms tighter around her body and tasting her lips, which slid on his smooth as silk.

Her hands caressed his neck, relaxing every bone in his body. She allowed him to pry all he wanted, teasing occasionally his tongue with her own. At some points, she'd slide her body up his, sending chills crawling up his back. Yes, she knew what he wanted and how she delivered it was not direct, but teasing. And she knew it.

Long minutes passed, the two of them wet and clinging to each other as they continued to explore the other. Legolas realized the control Caniel was exhibiting, but it only made it more challenging. He liked her stubbornness and found it to be a game of who could hold it together the longest. Though he knew he probably already lost, he decided it was his turn to play her. So he moved his hands lower on her back, letting his fingertips trail just a little behind. Then he lessened his kiss on her, where then she searched for more, wondering why he was lessening. But he felt her begging, searching his lips for more. So he merely let her beg, only kissing the brim of her lips while she tried to pry. After a moment, sensing her frustration, he laughed low in his throat and let his kisses trail to her cheek, tasting the smoothness of her skin. It was fresh and new, untouched by any others. The taste was sweet and his lips felt like they were being caressed by rose petals.

His hands continued to caress her lower back, while his kisses moved away from her cheeks and to her ear and neck. Time flew by then, Caniel loosing complete control of her actions; she had fallen victim to his smooth movements again. As he covered her entire neck with his kisses, he knew exactly where to go to pry a gasp from her lips, or make her squirm and arch. Eventually he moved back to her lips, hungry for her fresh taste again.

"Legolas…" She breathed after several more minutes of persistent kissing. They were both breathing hard, and the rain had since gotten harder and the sky darker.

"Yes?" He let her rest her head against his chest, trying to steady all that was going through his mind. His mouth was full of her taste and his insides were a tangled mess. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist to steady the trembling he had noticed.

She didn't speak again only stood with him, her arms wrapped around him. He acted as a shield; from what, she did not know. Perhaps the world itself. But for whatever reason, just standing there was right to her. This is what she needed, what she wanted. Everything else was nice, but having him there to protect her is what made her smile to herself. Caniel could hear the rapid beating of his heart and she could feel the slight trembling within him, for she too struggled to keep from shaking.

"Caniel? Nín goheno." Legolas said quietly after a moment. (Forgive me)

"For what?"

"I know you did not want this. I felt the conflict within you and I know the dangers you face and the struggles that lie ahead for you…I just-"

"Daro, avo bedo." She smiled, placing her fingers on his lips, where he then quieted. "This is what I wanted, Legolas." (Stop, do not speak.)

He searched her eyes as she smiled up at him, feeling so content with everything that had happened, that was happening. How he had lived without her now seemed impossible. She was his life, his everything. He knew not existence without her.

"Telo na nín." She whispered taking his hand and leading him inside. (Come with me.)

Once inside, she released his hand and closed the door behind them. The room was still as alluring as it had been when he had arrived though now with Caniel, it felt like home. Caniel unwrapped her shawl and placed it on a hanger in her closet while Legolas removed his and watched her through the sheer panels of the rather large archway that served as a door to her room. Her movements were steady and graceful once again. She had regained almost all of her composure. It was if everything was normal already. As if it was all a regular occurrence…how he wished it had been.

Making her way to the curtains, Caniel took his cloak from him hanging it next hers. Then she approached him, in his tan shirt, which lay loose around his muscular torso and his black leggings, which were already drying.

"You don't mind if I change? Unlike you, I managed to get wet."

"Not at all." He answered her quietly, smiling as he made his way to pour a cup of tea.

Legolas finished his tea after a while, listening to the soft pelting rain outside and the slow movements of Caniel. Everything was at peace and he never wanted it to end. He loved just sitting there, enjoying his warm tea inside the calming house while the harsh weather beat at the doors. But more so, he loved being relaxed and in love with the girl who stood in the other room just beyond his reach. Setting the cup down, he made his way to the curtains, lingering a second longer to view her hanging the wet dress to dry, before retrieving her robe from the chair. Slipping it on and pulling the pin from her hair, Caniel turned to Legolas who admired the fine figure that greeted him. Then he picked her up, locking eyes with her as he carried her to the bed.

There he set her down gently, lying on his side next to her where he propped his head up with one hand while wrapping the other around her waist. As she situated herself, he watched quietly, gazing at the girl he was falling more in love with, which he thought to be impossible. Caniel brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, then clasped his hand from around her waist in her own. Then she leaned over ever so slightly and met his lips with another kiss, bringing him down to her.

The kiss was gentle, neither feeling the need to go beyond what they had already achieved. Her fingertips ran delicately over his face, feeling the softness of his skin while he ran his fingers through her fine hair, massaging her scalp as he did so. His lips slid over hers tasting for anything they could, and his breath warmed her cheek. They enjoyed the moment, and the rain drummed along with their steady hearts as they parted, neither moving too far away from the other.

"Gavo bost hí." Caniel said finally breaking the silence. (Rest here.)

"Ae han aníral." He replied. (If you desire it.)

"Han aníron." (I desire it.)

Legolas looked at her compassionately. "Caniel le melin." (I love you Caniel.)

"Le melin." She whispered in his ear.

Legolas grabbed hold of a white blanket at the foot of the bed. Laying it over them, he settled next to her, holding her tight against him and letting her head fall to rest under his chin. With a final look to the girl who finally lay silent in his arms, for perhaps the last and only night in his life, he took a deep breath before closing his eyes for the best night of sleep he'd had in years.