The Diary of Harry Potter
Entry: 6
Hi again, Diary
I'm grounded to my closet again, and I don't even know how long it'll be for this time… but I don't care. It was worth it. Today was the best day of my life!
My day started out great. At the very beginning that is. Because I was dreaming. It was that one dream, Diary, the one I've told you about before. I can't ever remember much of it, but I do remember that there was a flying motorcycle in it. That dream always wakes me up with such a nice feeling, you know? Too bad the feeling isn't allowed to last…
As you know, Diary, today was Dudley's birthday. Aunt Petunia woke me with her usual rapping, I had to cook breakfast, as usual, and they actually let me have some of the bacon and eggs today, showing that they were in a particularly good mood. Usually, I'm allowed only dry toast and water. Of course, Uncle Vernon yelled out his usual morning greeting of "comb your hair!" as soon as I walked into the room, but I'm used to it.
Dudley got thirty-seven presents, Diary, THIRTY-SEVEN! And he STILL wasn't happy, the fat pig. So they had to get him another one later. Can't have their 'ickle Duddykins' unhappy, after all.
As you know, every year, on Dudley's birthday, they take him and at least one of his friends out to do fun stuff all day. And I get sent to Mrs. Figg's. Now, I'm not trying to be mean… Mrs. Figg is nice and all, thought a bit mad, but I hate it at her house. It smells like cabbage and the whole time I'm there she always makes me look at page after page of photographs of all the cats she's ever had, and trust me, Diary, she's had a LOT. However, poor old Mrs. Figg called to say she couldn't watch me this time. Seems she broke her leg, the poor lady.
The Dursleys panicked. They tried to think of what else to do with me, but there was no one they could think of to take me. And they wouldn't leave me at the house, like I suggested, because they thought I'd ruin the house. So it was decided that they had to take me, and they couldn't even leave me in the car, hehe.
Dudley started to throw one of his fake little tantrums about it, and might have gotten his way, but his friend, Piers, showed up just then and he stopped the tantrum right away. I swear, that guy, Piers, he looks like a rat.
Before we got into the car, Uncle Vernon took me aside to warn me not to do anything weird, or else he'd put me in here for a long time. Big surprise. I told him I wouldn't do anything, but he didn't believe me. No one ever does, Diary, it's not fair. You've heard about all my weird experiences before… they didn't believe me any of those times, either.
I was expecting everything to go right this time, though. I'm almost never anywhere that's not school, here, or Mrs. Figg's house. The times I've been elsewhere I can count on one hand, and that's pitiful, Diary.
On the way the zoo, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. You know how much he loves to do that…it doesn't even matter what it's about: Me, the council, me, the bank, me, people at work, me, modern music, me, how kids act nowadays (not counting his son or his son's friends, of course), and me are just a few of his favorite topics. This morning, though, it was motorcycles.
When a motorcycle passed us, and he was griping, it did something stupid. Remembering me dream, I told him about the flying motorcycle in it. I swear, when he slammed on the brake, nearly crashing, I would have flown through the windshield if I hadn't been belted in. Everyone probably would have liked it better if that HAD happened, in fact. He'd turned around, face looking like a great big beet with a mustache, just to yell at me: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!"
Of course Dudley and Piers found it funny. Idiots.
I told him that I knew that, but I wished I hadn't said anything in the first place. I know by now better than to ask questions, and I know that the only thing they hate worse than that is me even thinking about something acting in a way uncharacteristic to it. It's like they think it'll give me dangerous ideas or something, I swear. Still, I REALLY should have known better. I'm not dumb, after all.
The day was perfect. Bright and sunny, but not too hot. Perfect. The Dursleys stopped at an ice-cream vendor for some ice cream, and they actually got me something because the lady asked me what I wanted before they could get me away. The cheapest thing she sold is what they got me, a lemon ice pop. It was good, too. I ate it while we were looking at a gorilla that looked quite remarkably, hehe, like Dudley, minus the blond hair. In my opinion, the gorilla looked better. And friendlier.
At lunchtime, we ate at the zoo restaurant. Dudley ordered a knickerbockers glory, and the fat tub through a fit because it didn't have enough ice cream on top, like he needs more sweets. I was happy, though, because when Uncle Vernon bought Dudley another, Uncle Vernon let me finish the first. "No use letting good money go to waste", he'd said gruffly.
I knew it was too good to last.
After lunch, we went to the reptile house. Going into there from the outside, it seemed almost chilly, with how dark it was, except for the lit windows along the walls. There were a bunch of lizards and snakes slithering around in the windows, but Dudley didn't even glance at them. He found, right away, the biggest snake. It was an enormous boa constrictor.
All the poor snake wanted to do was sleep, but Dudley pressed up against the glass to stare at it. He started whining at Uncle Vernon to make it move, and Uncle Vernon wrapped on the glass, but the snake just ignored them. Smart snake.
When Dudley gave up on the snake and moved away, I stayed there, still watching it. I felt sorry for that snake, Diary. Imaging: no company except idiots drumming their fingers on the glass, trying to disturb you all day long. That's worse than how even I have it; at least I get to visit the rest of the house, and school, and sometimes Mrs. Figg's, as unpleasant and boring as it is.
Then something a little bit weird happened. The snake opened its eyes, rose its head to be level with mine, and then… It Winked At Me.
I'm not joking, Diary, that snake winked at me. It looked at the Dursleys, then rolled its eyes, giving me a look that told me it got this all the time.
Intrigued, I told him that I knew what it meant, that it had to be annoying. When it nodded, I asked it where it came from, and it pointed to its sign, which said it was from Burma. When I asked him if it was nice there, though, it pointed at the sign with it tail again to show me that it said it had been bred in captivity.
We might have 'talked' a bit longer, but right then Piers yelled out behind me for every to come look what the snake was doing, and Dudley came right over and punched me to get me out of the way.
What happened next was REALLY weird, so fast no one saw how it happened. One moment, Dudley and Piers were pressed up against the glass, staring at the snake, and in the next moment they leapt back, screaming.
The glass front of the snake's tank was gone, and it was coming out of its tank. Everyone was screaming, and running to escape the reptile house. When it went past me, I swear, Diary, I actually heard that snake speak to me. It said: "Thanksss, amigo." Before it left.
Piers and Dudley were panicked, and acted like the snake had been attacking them, when all it had really done was snap playfully at their heels as it passed. Still, once Piers had calmed down, he had to say it, he just HAD to say it: "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?"
I swear, he signed my death wish there. Uncle Vernon waited till Piers was gone, and when he looked at me he was so angry he could barely get the words out to send me here. I swear, I've never seen him that angry before.
And so, here I am. I don't know how long I'll have to stay in here… if what Uncle Vernon said was true, then I'll be in here until Christmas.
Oh, well, it was still the best day I've ever had.
I just hope that someday I have an even better one. It'll probably be the day I turn eighteen and move out.
Well, goodnight, Diary. Sleep time.