The Diary of Harry Potter
Entry: 10
Diary,
It didn't bloody work! When I went downstairs, I accidentally stepped on something in front of the door... it was Uncle Vernon! He must've guessed what I was going to do, 'cause he had camped out right in front of the door in wait for me. Once he was done yelling at me (I thought it'd never end) he sent me to make some tea. By the time I returned with the cup of tea for him, the mail had arrived and I could see no less than three identical letters in his lap, each and every on of them addressed to me.
I really think he enjoyed tearing them up in front of me. I mean, he waited 'til I returned to the room, right?
I want my bloody letter!
After that, Uncle Vernon stayed home from work and nailed up the mail slot, but I heard Aunt Petunia telling him that she didn't think it'd work. I don't know if she's right, but I sure hope it doesn't… I want my letter!