Disclaimer: Neither Firefly nor Serenity belong to me—they belongs to Joss Whedon, Monster Enemy, Fox, Universal, etc., etc.. The song lyrics at the beginning and end of this belong to Switchfoot, from the song 'Love is a Revolution' on their album 'Learning to Breathe.'
Spoilers: For Firefly the series and Serenity the movie.
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The stars are alive
They dance to the music of the deepest emotion
And all of the world is singing in time
As the heavens are caving in
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Serenity was dancing. Forward and around, twisting in the inky blackness of space. The stars twirled with the ship, or so it appeared, looking out the window at the pinpricks in the darkness. River closed her eyes and smiled, feeling the hum of the boat underneath her, the pieces working in harmony to keep it sailing, sometimes imperfect, but working nonetheless.
Opening her eyes, she fixed her gaze on a point of light ahead of her, then pulled Serenity upward, watching the star zoom downward in her view. Grinning, she changed directions and the star twisted to the side of her vision.
"Just what are you doin' to my boat? I step outta the room for three minutes and you start spinnin' her about in no sensible fashion—"
River wasn't surprised by Mal's sudden appearance. She was never surprised. She turned her eyes serenely toward him. "I'm dancing," she informed him.
"Really."
"Serenity likes to dance. It's soothing." River ran her hand lovingly over the console. "Dancing brings healing, Captain."
"That a fact? Never was much of a dancer myself. Bit left-footed, if you know what I mean." Mal sank into the pilot's chair. "How's about I take over the flying? You've been up here an awful long spell. Go get somethin' to eat before your brother jumps down my throat about me not feeding you."
River stood up, but turned a knowing smile on him as she headed for the door. "You know how to dance, Captain Reynolds. Your mother taught you when you were little. You like it, even though you pretend you don't sometimes." The thoughts and images of Mal dancing as a young boy were flooding through her brain, as so many pictures and words often did. An older Mal dancing, silly because he was drunk. Mal dancing with Inara at a fancy ball. The onslaught didn't bother her as much anymore. The darkness that had clouded her mind and drowned her thoughts so many times the past months was gone, released with the memory of Miranda. She still saw darkness in things, in people. She still had nightmares about the Academy, or other things that had been done to her, or things that she had seen in other people. But the taint was gone, the pressure of a giant, terrible secret, and she felt free. Free as a bird, or bits of paper on the wind. Or the kite that Simon had taken her to fly when she was little. The kite had danced, too, high up in the sky, a giant butterfly with gold and purple wings.
She closed her eyes in the hallway and raised her arms above her head, spinning around to the image in her mind's eye. "Fly it higher, Simon! Higher!"
She opened her eyes when her mind touched Inara's presence. Inara was watching her, and her aura was…happy. Content. She was standing at the end of the corridor, a small smile on her face. "Hello, River. I was just looking for Mal."
"He's flying," River said, rocking back on the balls of her feet. She started to walk past Inara. "He's happy you're back," she informed the other woman. "So is Serenity. They felt your loss."
Inara's eyes followed her. "I—thank you, River."
River glanced back over her shoulder. "And Mal likes to dance, so don't let him fool you." She twirled again, just because she could, and continued on to the kitchens, pictures of butterfly kites and spinning couples on the dance floor rushing together like her name, like a river, a beautiful river of color and clouds, matching the feeling of the ship flowing through space under her bare feet, knowing that no one else could see this as she was seeing it, that she saw things differently than other people, but Simon told her that different didn't mean bad. "People could stand to see things a bit differently sometimes, River."
She understood. Pieces of her brain had been stripped away, and it made her view things another way sometimes, but it was good now. Her mind had finally been cracked open, and she was free. The people who changed her had washed her mind blank so she couldn't remember, but she had taken it back, taken it away from them by giving the truth of Miranda, had taken back her choices, her self. She didn't scare the others on Serenity anymore. Well, she scared Jayne sometimes, but Jayne was different from the others in many ways. They knew what she was, or what the Alliance had tried to make her. A weapon. A killer. A psychic, conditioned to be an assassin. The Alliance had made her hurt. Made her kill. And sometimes she had killed on her own, once to save Kaylee. A lot to save Simon; she had killed darkness and madness to save Simon. But once she had hurt Jayne, cut him with a knife, made him red because the red was everywhere, in her mind, washing over her hands, voices and babbling and Jayne was supposed to be red, but he hadn't been. Her world had been dark, so dark, but it was light now and much of that seemed a long dream—a nightmare at times—but it was past and the world made sense again.
Simon and Kaylee were sitting at the table eating when she entered, and Jayne was nearby; she could sense him.
"River! Are you all right, mei-mei?" Simon was happy. He spilled his happiness all over, and River loved the feeling of it pouring over her, like water tickling her toes when she stood at the ocean. For the first time since he had been on Serenity, he felt as though he had found his place. He had accepted it, and become part of the dance instead of standing outside of it. He finally knew where to move his feet, and that made Kaylee happy, too. More than happy. Kaylee glowed.
"Fine. I'm fine, Simon."
And it was true. Even though sometimes she felt so weighed down by the thoughts and emotions, brilliant colors and shapes and whispers in her mind. Even though sometimes she knew she said things that didn't always make sense to the people around her, because things in her mind didn't always seem to quite connect her thoughts with her words. Quirky River with her silly rhymes and her nonsense. But I was rewired. Remade. They tried to take it away from me, take it all away, but I found it again. Not alone. Not alone, they kept me alone in the dark because they're afraid of togetherness and afraid of touch, they meddle and they lie and they wear pretend faces, they put a pretend face on me but I'm real now. I'm real now, because I'm me. Simon saved me. Serenity took care of me, and the people who love her did, too. They dance with each other and around each other and it's all part of it, all part of life here and it's mine, it's my life.
"Gorram it, girl, that was the last can of peaches, and I was fixin' on eatin' it!"
River looked from Jayne, who had entered the room, down to the can in her hand. She stuck her chopsticks into it and plucked out a peach half. "Finders keepers." She popped it in her mouth, much to Jayne's indignation.
Jayne muttered something under his breath that was meant to be nasty, but River didn't mind. Jayne followed his own dance, not like anyone else. He was 'left-footed,' as Mal had said, and he liked it that way. He was awkward and strong and strange, and it had taken a while for River to begin to understand his steps.
"Something goin' on in here?"
River had felt Zoe's presence only seconds before she appeared. Zoe was like that. She held her thoughts and feelings close to her, so close that River didn't always pick up on them from far away. Where Jayne and Kaylee had loud auras, Zoe's was quiet, almost deceptive in its calm. Much like Zoe herself. She was healing, holding together after losing Wash. Like Serenity. Serenity missed Wash; he had been special, and the dance he had created with the ship was burned into it, as visible to River as the bright colors of Kaylee's shirt. But that wasn't her dance to have. Her job was to create new steps with Serenity, and she wanted to tell Zoe that, that Wash's dance had been beautiful and remarkable, but she suspected that Zoe knew that already.
River listened to the banter that followed Zoe's question as she finished her can of peaches. "Where are you going, River?" Simon asked as she headed back out through the door.
She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled at the way his fingers were tangled with Kaylee's. "To the cockpit."
"You've been flying a lot. Are you sure you don't want to take more of a break?"
"I'm sure," River replied. "Mal says that love keeps a ship sailing," she continued. Zoe and Kaylee had fallen silent and were listening, but Jayne gave a tiny snort at her words. "He's right. But Serenity doesn't just want to fly. It wants to dance, and I can help with that. I have new steps to learn, Simon." Her eyes locked with his, and she knew that in some way, he understood what she was saying.
One corner of his mouth turned up. "All right. Have fun, mei-mei."
"I will." As she eased out the door, Simon's words to the others reached her ears, an echo of words he had said long ago, in another lifetime.
"She always did love to dance."
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Love is a movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don't have to slow back down