Blood… so much blood.
I had never seen the earth bathed in crimson before. I didn't want to proceed, a part of me afraid of what I'll see, of what I'll find out. Yet I moved on, because somehow I knew… I knew that something was bound to happen.
For the first time in my life, I loathed the fact that I was right.
I followed a trail of blood that had tinted the soil and the leaves in the core of the forest, not expecting … or wanting to see the image that is now before my eyes. There it was… the monster that was said to have damaged several lands and properties that belonged to the neighboring towns. It was looked like a wolf, only several times bigger, with sharper teeth and more dangerous claws. Great grandmother had mentioned it another day and said that townsfolk believed that it was possessed by some evil spirit and got blinded with fury. It was now lying, lifeless in a pool of blood. Its body mangled and torn, its teeth and claws tainted with blood. I would have pitied the monster for what had befallen him if only I hadn't turned around and saw him…
I didn't want to move but I heard his voice. I quickly turned around, seeking him, desperately wanting to touch him and there he was… lying there, bathed in his own blood … Mousse… he was writhing slightly, his head a mass of tangled hair and blood… it was so red… it … it was everywhere… his torn clothes… his face… his hands… his chest… soaked in his blood… life ebbing away… I want to hold him … but… he's in pain… Oh ancestors … I might hurt him more… he was barely breathing… his lips… blood on his lips…blood …the monster…
"You have not bled enough!" I tore at its flesh feeling a sharp pain in my heart with every stab, with every sound of torn flesh with every drop of blood that I have squeezed out of the animal… Give it back… this blood is not yours… give it back… give it back! He might die… he might die and it's all your fault…
It's all my fault.
I stood up, realizing that the monster was dead and Mousse wasn't. I crawled beside him, touched his face with shaky fingers…
"Xian Pu… wo… wo ai ni…" I heard it… barely audible but I heard it.
I saw raindrops falling down his cheeks then, and I realized that they were from my eyes… they were my tears… Mousse. No, don't leave me now… I won't let you…
"You can't leave me airen…" I locked him in a tight embrace, lifting him from the bloody ground, His head stooped and fell on my shoulder, his chest was against mine… yet I could only feel my own heartbeat… Mousse… no… no… you can't….
"I love you… I love you more than anything else in the world."
I won't let you die. You can't just give me my life and end yours. Call me selfish, call me heartless but I can't just let you go. I love you. I love you so much.
I ran, holding him tightly in my arms. I won't give up… I'll do anything, even if I had to offer my life to save his… I was sobbing hysterically that I didn't know what was happening anymore… Someone was taking Mousse away from my grasp… No… No! Don't take him, Stop! Stop pulling him away from me...
Then I heard it… they were calling my name… stop… Leave me alone! I need to save Mousse… go away…. No… Mousse… Save him… save him
I woke up with a slight pain in my neck. What… where…. How…?
"It's all right granddaughter, everything's fine," that voice. I looked up to see great grandma. "He's getting treated right now…"
The words she formed in her mouth started to make sense… Mousse is… I have to see him…I have to hold him…
"I have temporarily paralyzed you. You made quite a ruckus when you got here this morning." She stood up and got a small teacup. "You were screaming and crying with your husband in your arms. The women were trying to get him to bring him to the treatment chamber but you were clinging to him so tightly."
Now I feel my mind is not swirling as much as before.
"They have been there… for hours. The whole village is now distressed because of what happened. Our family is doing everything…" She placed the teacup in the bedside table as she glanced at my direction. I suppose she got to see the words in my eyes, the questions, the anxieties…
"Xian pu, do you promise not to act recklessly once I've released you?" great grandma was so serious I didn't know her forehead could be wrinkled any further.
I tried to nod, to tell her everything is under control, but no matter what I say, my heart would not rest until I see him.
She hit a pressure point in my back and within seconds I was able to move again. I sat down quietly, eyes focusing on the ground. Where do I start? Can I handle the truth?
"Great grandma…"
"Xian pu, he had been part of this family too, one way or another, and I understand that he had been your friend for the longest time,"
"No, you don't understand great grandma… Mousse… I … I love him. I truly do. I may not have loved him then but I do now. He's more than just family… he's my other half. I am his."
The revelation seemed to appall her as I saw her flinch a little.
"I don't care if it's right or wrong. I have been wrong all my life. Now I want to…"
"No child, there's nothing wrong. It's just that… I thought that… it would not be as painful if…" It's a sight to see her stuttering in front of me when she had been a strong voice of wisdom in the most critical situations.
"Please, just tell me."
"The doctor, everyone did all they could but…"
"But what?"
"He may not last the night."
The air seemed to vanish like there was nothing else left for me to breathe in… but as I placed my hand in my chest and felt my heartbeat, I knew…I knew that I was still alive, and that the air didn't cease to exist. This was not one of those horrible dreams… this was for real.
"I… I refuse to believe that!" I stood up rebelliously, as I felt my nails digging the skin in my fists. Yet as images of him appeared in my head once more… bloodied in the ground, barely breathing, barely alive… I couldn't fight back the tears, couldn't fight back the emptiness reality has shoved in my face.
No… he can't die… he can't…
Grandma hugged me, as I sobbed in her arms. The tears do not even seem to help lessen the anguish that had filled my heart. It finally came… the punishment that I have brought upon myself. My retribution was his final sacrifice… why? Why did things have to end this way?
Grandma brought me there, to the place where he lay, waiting for death to come. A lot of people were gathered there, my relatives, our friends, the doctor who explained to me his condition. I saw his mother, her eyes swollen with grief. She held me in an embrace similar to that of a mother to her daughter.
"He loved you… I beg of you, daughter. Give my son a reason to live. Or even just a reason to … leave in peace."
It was such an irony how I always wanted to get rid of him yet now I couldn't find the strength to let him go. I wiped away the tears in my eyes as I entered the room; only to have them flowing again once the sight of him hit me.
He was lying there, pale against the moonlight. His body was swathed in bandages, with the uncovered skin being either black or blue. Anyone who would have seen him would say that he's in death's door, and soon to be with our ancestors but…
I knelt down and held his hand, never turning my gaze away from his face. I watched as he took labored breath after breath for it was a sign that he was still with me and all was not lost. His hands were as cold as ice yet his face was warm with fever.
Mousse…I… I do not know where to start. I saw you there this morning and I… I felt my world crashing down on me. You've always been there, never leaving my side. I tried to move away, a lot of times. I tried to avoid you, tried to lose you but you always came back, you always found your way to me… and found your way to my heart.
I have done a lot of idiotic things in my life, I know. I have been foolish, uncaring, and my biggest regret was not telling you sooner… not realizing sooner ... that I was meant to love you all along. I refused to love for the longest time; I was driven by ambition, by selfishness… by stupidity.
And now … you're here… Mu Tsu, I want to take your pain away… I wish I were the one lying there wounded, in your place. I've done nothing but cause you pain. Now I want to change the past - move the stars. I wish… I wish that we had never met. I have given you misery since the first time we said hello. I had caused you nothing but pain. You have been scarred with my own hands; your feelings have been hurt with my own words. Your love for me almost destroyed you. You never would have gone through the pain… the suffering of chasing an idiot like me. You deserve so much more than what I could offer. I want to give you my life… my heart, my self, my future, my whole being but I know it wouldn't be enough.
This was harder than I thought.
I came here to beg… to stop you from leaving me. I love you Mousse. I could not find it in my heart to let you go. Without you in my life… my love, I will die. But now I've realized that you're better off without me. Oh gods… if my wish ever came true… If I were never given the chance to meet you, to be with you in this lifetime, I know… I am sure that I would die for my heart would always yearn for you; yet I would be consoled by the thought that you are living a peaceful life. But now we are faced in a situation wherein…
Mousse, I want to beg you to live… like how you asked me to live for you. But… seeing you in pain right now breaks my heart. They say… heaven is a place full of eternal happiness…
I can't go on …
I threw my arms around him, now sobbing like a child against his neck. They say that when you love someone, you have to let them go… yet this feeling exceeds the one I've felt when I let the people I loved go before… like my mother or… Ranma. What am I doing… telling him to never cross paths with me again…
Mousse, I just want you to be happy. I want to offer you a world devoid of grief yet the only way to do that is to let you go…forever… to let you live in another world, another lifetime without me in it. Go… leave this pain behind…
And I'll be waiting forever for that time when I can see you once more, and I will love you from afar.
Wo ai ni… wo ai ni… wo ai ni… Mu Tsu wo ai ni…
"…But… Xian pu… don't … you know that… I … would rather die a thousand deaths than to live… a… whole lifetime…. without you in it…?" his lips were shaking as he turned his head and kissed my forehead.
Surprised, I lifted my head to see him taking quicker breaths. "If you… would still… have me…. I want to … live in this world… to feel it all… the pain… the misery… your love…"
"Mu tsu…but I…"
"You … are … my happiness Xian pu… it doesn't matter… what had happened between us… I wouldn't want … to… change … a thing."
I couldn't seem to find the words to tell him how I feel, I was overwhelmed myself to say the least. I couldn't stop myself from crying back in his arms, but now I knew that they were tears of joy. We both had been fools in our journey in loving each other. And now I had to be a fool no more.
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Author's notes:
My brain's not working properly lately… I must admit I'm not satisfied with this chapter. I dunno if it's just me or… gyaaah.. it really sucks (but I guess anything you read at 3 am can potentially suck.) gyaah!! I'm sorry if it wasn't as angsty as you expected. I've been happy a lot this week… actually, more of neutral because I've been doing absolutely nothing.
Sorry, Actually, I was thinking that mousse should die. (but from this point, he can actually die, suffocation, after all the hugging and the sobbing Shampoo had been doing.) But it would be totally un-Ranma if he did. I mean, Ranma's a happy anime and all… well… sort of. So there. Maybe I can kill him off sometime.
Oh yeah, thanks for everyone that had reviewed. I hope I didn't let you guys down. I'm still working hard on improving my skills…
Waaah!! I'm so happy to see Gside! Thanks for the comment about the grammar. I need those… a lot. Hehehe. Thanks. About Sent Over The Edge --- I actually thought of hooking it to this fic (since it was Shampoo Pov and all…) but uh… that would be unfair. (I like shortcuts…hehehehe) Right now it's in my dead fics folder, but don't worry, I'll try to revive it… soon.
WHOOOSH! Sorry about that long author's note!! (I want more faaaame!!! More time to talk!!! Pleeeeaaaase!!!) So now I shall leave you so you can click on that review button thingy if you can… Thanks!! Bye!!!