Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or anything related to it.

A/N: Thoughts are in Italics so you don't get confused. And let me know what you think of this little twist I tossed in. It was a bit of a last minute brain storm, so I hope it all works out. Thanks to all who've read this. Please review.

I wish I could say that was how it happened. I wish I could say that it was as easy as that, but the fact of the matter is that everything is much more complicated. It's more complicated by the fact it was me and not Major Greene who activated the device. It was me who was inhabited by the Soul of Sha'ell and not Major Greene. She was here for it all, but Caldwell asked her to come back to the Daedalus after the incident, so she's gone now. We did find out that he was trying to gain some power on Atlantis through Major Greene, but she apparently didn't know anything of it. I figure that's why he wanted her reassignment on Atlantis terminated. Anyway, we're all happier with her gone. Not that she was a bad addition to the team, she just wasn't really part of the team, you know? Well, at least, according to Rodney that's why we're all happier with her gone.

Oh God, Rodney! He doesn't know I know. He thinks I forgot everything that happened, which is probably the only way he's able to stand to be near me now. But I never forgot any of it, and that makes everything that much worse. Carson knows I know, but I didn't completely jump him like I did with Rodney. Besides, he has Cadman. That still leaves Rodney. It kills me to think about it even though it's impossible not to when he's around. My feelings only make it worse.

Sheppard knows. He nearly ratted me out too. If I hadn't given him extra vacation days, all of Atlantis would know by now. And he never wastes an opportunity to remind me. Sheppard did tell Teyla, but she already knew. She says I need to tell Rodney. I can't do that to him though. Any chance I might have would disappear before I even had it. He might be awkward when it comes to women, but he's been burned enough not to let me close. I can't do that to him. He's my best friend. After Simon, Rodney was there for me when no one else was. He has no idea how much that meant to me or how much he means to me now.

I'm in love with my best friend and I can't tell him. Could this get any worse?

A persistent knock brought Elizabeth out of her reverie. It was then she realized she was crying. Wiping the tears from her eyes quickly, she called 'Come in!' She tried looking a little more upbeat than she felt, but the entrance of Rodney McKay nearly brought her to tears again.

McKay was nowhere near as oblivious as people thought he was when it came to others, especially Elizabeth Weir. He immediately knew something was wrong. 'Elizabeth, are you okay?'

If his entrance had not been enough to bring about fresh tears, his concern was. As much as she wanted to, she could not stop herself. Rodney pulled her into what he hoped was a comforting hug and she began to cry harder. Not knowing what to say that might help her, he just held her close. The memories of what happened between them when she was afflicted by the Soul of Sha'ell were still fresh in his mind, but for her sake he shoved them aside. That was a whole other can of worms, one best not opened at the moment.

Some time passed before Elizabeth's sobs abated. Rodney waited for her to pull back before he loosened his grip, even then he was reluctant to do so.

'Elizabeth?' he asked quietly.

Anyone who might have walked into the room just then would have instantly been aware of what was going unsaid between the two. It was doubtful that it was completely lost on them either. Their proximity and shared look suggested more than friendship, or at least the desire for more.

Elizabeth's arms were resting on Rodney's shoulders. His hands were on her hips. Neither made a move as they looked between each other for a moment, concern in his eyes, sadness in hers.

'Rodney, I'm sorry,' she responded as silently as his question.

He gently moved the lock of hair that had fallen into her eyes. 'Elizabeth, you have nothing to be sorry for.'

The desire to kiss him was stronger than ever. She wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on hers, savoring the taste of him. She could not, however, do it without clearing her conscience first. She had deceived him enough by playing along with the idea that she was unaware of what had transgressed between them. As afraid of telling him as she was, she knew she had to do it before things went any further.

Pulling away from him, she turned toward her desk to avoid the look of disappointment he was sure to have. 'Rodney, there's something I need to tell you.' She noted the confusion and curiosity in his eyes as she looked up. He did not respond. 'I know what happened when I was,' she searched for the right word, 'possessed.'

'I know. I told you what happened,' he said quickly.

She stopped him. 'No, Rodney. I remember it, all of it.' His face fell.

'How,' he gulped, 'how long?'

She sat down heavily, as if the weight of the situation forced her to it. 'The whole time. I never forgot, and I want to apologize for it as well as not having told you sooner. I'm sorry.'

Elizabeth had to look away. She knew how much it must hurt him. 'Um, well, I ,uh, I appreciate your telling me,' he barely managed to say. 'I'll just, I'll just let you get back to work. I'm sure it's important.' He made it as far as the door.

'Rodney,' Elizabeth called to him. He turned to her with a hurt look, eyes wide and frowning. 'Will we be okay?'

'We will be,' he replied almost inaudiblely as he left, closing the door behind him.

Why did I tell him? He looked so sad, so hurt, and I did it to him. I can't believe I did that. How could I have done it? Poor Rodney. He's never going to trust me now. But some part of me is relieved. At least he knows, right? I don't have to worry about him finding out, at least not from John, anyway. It doesn't make me feel much better though.

I didn't think it would hurt so much. If he didn't care so much, if I didn't care so much, this would be easier. But there's no point in wondering about 'what ifs.' What's done is done, and I can't go back and change it. I can try to make It better somehow. I hope I can make it better somehow. Rodney did say we'd be okay sometime. It's might not be soon. He has his pride and I have mine. Perhaps the one area we're best matched in. Well damn his pride! If I can forgo mine for this, he can do without his!

If only it were that easy. Stupid 'what ifs' are getting in the way again. I can make him understand, make him see that we're better together. Sure, I've made mistakes, but so has he. Somehow we always bounce back, but this time is different. We both want this, I know we do. I could see it. They say love is blind, but it's not. Rodney knows it too, which is why this is so hard. Love is why we're both yelling at our selves for what we've said and done. It's not that we regret it; it all needed to be said. We just don't know how to deal with it together just yet. In time this will come together. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

: P

I would try and get some work done, but it almost happened. I was thisclose to kissing her and having it mean something. How could I have been so stupid? If only I were better with women. Yeah, like that would have changed things anyway!

This is ridiculous. I love Elizabeth. Yes, that's right, I am completely, utterly, ridiculously, completely in love with Elizabeth Weir. All I had to do was say it, but I couldn't. Why? Because I am totally lacking in communication skills. That and she told me what I already knew, but she would not admit to before then. God, I'm such and idiot. If only I'd told her I forgive her. Damn my wounded pride. Damn my pride in general. Damn these 'what ifs!'

I'm sure there's a simply way to fix this. I could apologize, but I have nothing to apologize for and she already did. So I go to her and apologize anyway because I'm stupid when it comes to my feeling for her anyway. And when she doesn't feel the same, I can crawl back to my lab and be a hermit rather than face her again. What have I gotten myself into?

Right, so next time I see her, I tell her. It's not like it's not out there. Sheppard knows, and I only managed to keep him quiet by bribing him with my power bar stash. I think he only took them because he knew I was desperate. And I'm sure Teyla knows just because she's so perceptive. And she's been hinting I should tell Elizabeth. I can't begin to tell you how jealous I was of Carson and Sheppard when she was coming onto them. Sure, she was possessed, but it still hurt like hell. That's why I have to tell her. She has to know I feel something for her because for once I'm not totally blind and I know there's something there. We just need to get to it.

Rodney was unsure how long he had been pacing the lab, but he knew it was a long time. A knock startled him. He turned expecting Zelenka or Sheppard, but found Elizabeth.

'Can we talk?' she asked.

Trying to mask his surprise, but being rather unsuccessful, he said, 'Elizabeth, hi. Um, yes, come in.'

'Are you okay?' she asked with a furrowed brow.

'Yeah, I'm fine. You just surprised me is all.'

She heard the honesty in his voice. 'Good. I was worried you wouldn't want anything to do with me,' she replied a little hesitantly.

He smiled. 'I would never do that!' She cocked her head in a questioning manner. 'Okay, I would, but I, um, I'm glad you're here.'

'So are we going to be okay?'

'Elizabeth, we are okay. I should apologize for earlier. It was a bit unexpected and I was confused.'

'Are you confused now?'

'No. I'm not.'

They were moving closer together as if it were completely natural of them to do so.

'Rodney,' she said, pulling him closer, 'I have another confession to make.'

'You do?' he asked, wrapping his arms around her in a hug.

She pulled his head down and whispered in his ear. 'Rodney McKay, I'm in love with you.' He was smiling from ear to ear when she pulled back.

He leaned in to kiss her, but stopped short making her pout. Quietly, he replied, 'I'm in love with you too, Elizabeth Weir.' She tried pulling him in for a kiss, but he resisted and pulled back. 'Would you let me finish?'

Confused, she replied, 'There's more?'

He nodded and said, 'There's more.' He looked her in the eye. Smiling, he asked, 'Elizabeth, will you marry me?'

Shocked, she did not respond at first. He frowned, but she realized he wanted an answer. Mirroring the smile he had given her, she said, 'Of course I'll marry my best friend. Nothing would make me happier.'

Half of Atlantis was woken up by a very excited shout that night, and it did not come from Doctor Weir.

End