A/N aw dovasary, I love you! My only reviewer, this chapter, in fact the whole story is for you! Ok, so yeah I would try to be all coy, but to be honest I don't know what is going to happen myself, I only have a vague idea, so I don't know that may just happen! ------ ok I've just wrote this chapter and it's depressing, and well violent. So please read, but be warned.
Lindy's POV
"Lindy, he took the deal. Do you understand what that means? What it proves?"
i stared at my father, it couldn't be true, i knew that he must be suffering, but he wouldn't get charged. He could be so afraid he'd lie to get out of there. How could i have let him still be there, he must be terrified. Or he just doesn't love you, i shoved that thought to the back of my mind, it couldn't possibly be true, not after he'd come to save me.
"Lindy, he does not love you, he told me, he snapped up my offer, now do you see, Jake does love you, he just got caught up in the moment. The police have dropped charges on..." he paused before he said it, as if it disgusted him to say his name, "Jesse, and although he won't be able to work at the hotel, he can get other work, easily I'm sure. And Jake is truly sorry, the new house is ready. Please, just let Jake take care of you."
i looked up into my father's eyes, Grey they were, at one point i would have said light blue. But now all i could see was Grey. I knew my eyes would be watering with the tears i could feel, but i didn't let them out, i just looked at my father, letting him see the hurt, until he finally looked away. Then i calmly walked out of the room.
I searched the newspapers for weeks afterwards, but there was no mention of Jesse's trial, i even went to the police station, they said he'd been released. That meant that he had taken the deal. And considering it had been almost 3 months, and he still hadn't been in contact, I was pretty sure he hadn't been pretending to not love me.
Jake came to visit me almost every day, at first I wouldn't let him in. but after a while I simply got tired of fighting. I couldn't keep up my energies to keep him away. According to everyone I wasn't eating enough, but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything. When Jesse had left he had taken a part of me with him, the part that made up me. I was pestered on either side to move into the house with Jake, and because I couldn't feel... anything, I just said yes.
It was... fine for around a week, he stayed being nice, waiting on me, buying me little presents, we even slept together. But then he came home from work after a hard day, and I almost knew what was coming, I didn't try to fight, I didn't run away, I just sat on the sofa while he stormed in, swearing, calling me a slut and a whore.
Then he grabbed me, pulling me up, off the sofa and off the floor. At first I thought he would keep me dangling above his head, but his arm kept in the cycle until I found myself flying through the air. The wall came as a shock, I hadn't really expected it to hurt, I hadn't really felt anything in a long time. In a way the pain was good, I knew I was still alive. I was lying on the floor trying to think about this, and about whether or not I was crazy when he began to kick me, I was coughing blood when he had finished. Then he sat down next to me and stroked my hair,
"it's ok, it's ok," he whispered, as if I was simply ill or something. I must have blacked out, because the next thing I remember was waking up in bed. It was the next day and he'd just gone to work. I had bruises flowering all over my body, already. I couldn't even move off the bed. But I knew I was still here, that I was still visible. I would say I was still me, but I just didn't know who that was any more.
It stayed like that, while I was recovering he would be as sweet as pie, never mentioning what happened. Then there would be a week, where he would insist on things, like his dinner being on the table as soon as he came in. each time there would be new things to test me, as well as everything else. And if I failed to comply with any of his rules or demands, well that scene would be repeated, in all manner of ways. I never saw my family, in case they suspected anything. I never saw anyone. I would just stay inside, all day, watching my bruises develop or maybe, when I was well, cleaning. Once about 6 months after the wedding there was a break in the beatings, I'm not sure why, but Jake was in a good mood, and I felt myself slip away again, I didn't know what to do.
Then I dropped a plate while washing up and as I bent down to pick up the pieces one of them cut me. As the blood welled up I felt myself again, felt the pain. I began cutting my arm once every now and again, maybe more.
A year, nearly to the day, since our marriage I found out I was pregnant. Jake was thrilled. He stopped beating me. To protect his heir, he was sure it would be a boy. I didn't cut myself either, I felt good, better than i'd ever felt in the whole of my life. I felt like I could be a person again, because this person growing inside of me, would be mine, forever, and would love me, forever. Sometimes, when I was pottering around the house I found myself wishing it was Jesse's, but I had not heard from Jesse. He was no longer mine, maybe he never had been.
Then, almost 5 months into my pregnancy, something happened, I don't know what. He had trouble at work, he went to the pub more. Then one night, he came home, and I knew what was going to happen. But this time I couldn't let him touch me. I screamed, shouted at him to stop, begged him to, for our baby. But he couldn't, or wouldn't. I felt blood everywhere and knew that I would never have anyone to love me. He rushed me to hospital, said I'd been attacked, that I was pregnant, but I wasn't. He's killed my baby, my saviour. I got out of hospital with bandages everywhere, some leaflets about miscarriages, and some anti-depressants. The leaflets were of no use, they all said that miscarriages were an accident, that they were no-body's fault. Well this wasn't a miscarriage, this was murder.
Jake left me to go to work, with some water and my bottle of pills next to my bed. I stayed looking at the door for what seemed like a millennia. i got up and rooted in my wardrobe for my record player and an old record. the one that reminded me of the only time i'd ever truely believed someone loved me. Then I took my pills. And the next days pills. And the next, I just kept swallowing until they were all gone.
In the still of the night
I held you, Held you tight
'Cause I love, Love you so
Promise I'll never, Let you go
In the still of the night
In the still of the night
He leaned down and kissed me, gently then more persistently as I kissed him back,
I remember, That night in May
The stars were bright above
I'll hope and I'll pray
To keep your precious love
Well before the light
I unbuttoned his shirt, and felt his cool skin, he pulled off my top and whispered in my ear
"i love your pyjamas," I laughed against his lips as I realised I hadn't changed, his skin felt smooth and perfect next to mine. I kissed him hungrily.
Hold me again
With all of your might
In the still of the night
In the still of the night
So before the light
Hold me again, With all of your might
In the still of the night
In the still of the night
he picked me up and put me on the bed, lying on top of me.
"are you sure?" he asked me, eyes searching mine,
"I've never been so sure of anything."
As the last chords of the song faded I felt myself fading with it...
A/N Wow, pretty good if I do say so myself, yikes! Well what do you think review please, oh by the way this isn't the last one!