Note: This story takes place towards the end of the third season of 'Kim Possible' but before the movie, 'So the Drama'. Sorry if that wasn't clear before.
"Guess," said Shego. She wasn't really looking at Ron. Instead her attention seemed occupied by the paddle in her hand. A ball was connected to the paddle by an elastic string, and she was energetically bouncing the bouncing the ball against the paddle.
"Why can't you just tell me why you kidnapped me? What's the secret?" asked Ron. He was tied to a chair in the middle of the room, wrapped securely in many layers of thick rope.
Shego continued to bounce the paddle ball without answering.
Ron considered the matter. "Okay, let's start with the obvious. You're luring Kim into a trap."
"Nope," said Shego.
"Then there's something I know that you want to know; I just don't know that I know," said Ron. Seeing that Shego wasn't paying attention, he tried to subtly flex his muscles to see if he could loosen the ropes, but it didn't seem to be having any effect.
"No," replied Shego. Maybe I should gag him, she thought to herself.
"Wait, is that 'no' as in the opposite of yes, or 'know' as in-"
"As in you're wrong!" snapped Shego. She finally deigned to look at Ron, though she didn't lose her place in the paddle volleying. Her angry face didn't seem to faze him, though.
There was a minute of silence as Ron screwed up his face in concentration. Finally he said, "This time I've got it. You've replaced me with a robotic Ron duplicate to sabotage Kim secretly. Dr. Drakken is busy controlling the robot remotely, which is why I haven't seen him around. That's got to be it!" he said.
Shego slowly nodded her head in the affirmative. "That's pretty clever," she said.
"You mean I got it?" said Ron, trying not to sound surprised.
"Oh, not even close. But I will mention it to Dr. Drakken. We should try that sometime, definitely," said Shego.
"Awww. I give up; I'm stumped," said Ron.
Drakken's voice emanated from the ceiling. "Oooh, this seems fun. Can I try a guess?"
"Doctor Drakken!" said Ron in surprise, looking upwards. He thought Drakken's voice had come from a small speaker set in one corner.
"That is not Doctor Drakken," said Shego, sounding very annoyed. She dropped her paddle and grabbed a broom from the corner. She then proceeded to bang the broom handle against the speaker. "I told you to be quiet!" she shouted.
"Shego, banging the speaker doesn't actually hurt me, you know," said Drakken's voice, sounding almost apologetic.
"Feeling very confused right now. Someone want to explain?" complained Ron.
"That thing is the artificially intelligent computer that was designed to run this lair," said Shego.
Ron considered briefly. "Kind of cool," he said.
"Did I mention that the computer is murderously insane?" asked Shego.
"I am not. I'm the victim of a series of unfortunate misunderstandings and mistakes," said the computer.
"Suuuure," sneered Shego. She further explained to Ron. "Drakken's idea was that it was going to be the lair of the future. Security and maintenance taken care of by a central AI system and its army of robots. Whole idea pretty much fell apart when the computer tried to kill us in our sleep, then tried again by turning off the internal heaters and opening all the doors and vents to let a mountain blizzard inside."
"Merely a malfunction in my climate control software," said the computer.
Shego ignored it. "Long story short, I smashed the robots and Drakken cut off its control over anything but a few internal security monitors and speakers. Me, I wanted to go ahead and smash the computer, but mister genius thinks he's going to come back some day and work out all the bugs, so I have to leave it online and annoying," she said.
"My creator still has faith in me," said the computer.
"Why does it talk with Drakken's voice?" asked Ron.
"Because Drakken has a big ego," said Shego. In a more musing tone she added, "Of course, since this thing went haywire he hasn't given his voice to anything else he's built. Usually he just brushes stuff like this off, but I guess he was really disappointed."
"When did all this happen?" asked Ron.
"Oh, a while ago. Just before I stole the design for that robot tick, and we ran into you and Kimmie for the first time," said Shego. She hadn't meant to start answering the sidekick's questions, but she felt an odd obligation to explain the computer that sounded so much like Drakken.
"That long? No wonder this place is such a mess," said Ron.
They were in a large open room stacked with benches, chairs, and a lab table at one end. It looked as though it might have been meant as a lecture hall, or perhaps a laboratory where most of the heavy equipment hadn't yet been brought in. There was a layer of dust everywhere, as well as a few tangled nests of torn up paper suggesting that some animals had gotten inside and made their nest. In one corner were stacked several boxes and bundles that were obvious recent arrivals. Presumably, they were the supplies that Shego had laid in for her and Ron's stay, however long that would be. No one had yet bothered to unpack them.
"I agree, conditions in this lair are quite unacceptable. Without my maintenance robots to keep the place and tidy, it's become filthy. If you could only see your way clear to hooking me up to some new robots, Shego, I could have it taken care of in a jiffy," said the computer.
"Not likely," said Shego.
"Well obviously somebody needs to do some cleaning around here. The computer can't do it, and I can't do it, so…." said Ron, trailing off and looking at Shego expectantly.
Shego gave Ron a considered look in return.
Five Minutes Later
"This is so not what I meant!" complained Ron, pushing the broom back and forth.
"What, you'd rather be tied up?" replied Shego. She was examining the chair to which Ron had been tied, now clear of ropes. After a moment, she took a small cloth and wiped off the seat, then sat down.
Ron thought about the choice for a moment. "No," he finally answered reluctantly. "That doesn't mean it's okay for you to make me clean, though. It demeans our captor-slash-captive relationship! Besides, I'm still sore from that energy thingie you knocked me out with when you grabbed me. Totally unnecessary."
"I told you, that was to destroy any devices or chips or whatever that Wade might have given you," said Shego. Or at least it did if I read Drakken's hand-writing correctly. I had to spend an hour digging through his invention closet to find that thing, thought Shego to herself.
"You never did that any of the other times you captured Kim and me," protested Ron. He gave a particularly energetic sweep of the broom, raising a small dust cloud.
The dust made Shego sneeze, and she took the excuse to just shrug her shoulders in response to Ron's implied question. I wasn't following Gemini's example the other times, she thought to herself.
"And are you sure Rufus is going to be all right? The little guy's a lot smaller than me, so it was a bigger shock to him," said Ron, sounding concerned.
"What? Yeah, he'll be fine," said Shego in what wasn't a particularly reassuring tone of voice.
"Who is Rufus?" asked the computer. Hearing Drakken's voice taking a tone of polite interest was something of a surreal experience for both Shego and Ron. 'Polite interest' wasn't something they heard from the real Drakken very often.
"Just the bondiggiedest pet naked molerat anyone ever had," said Ron.
"You attacked his pet? For shame, Shego, for shame," chided the computer.
"I'm starting to like this guy," said Ron. He gave a big thumbs up towards the speaker from which the computer's voice emanated.
Shego got to her feet. "I am a very patient and understanding woman. Well… no I'm not. Which means I'm not going to sit here and be lectured by either a crazy computer whose programming was put together from a hacked copy of Windows 98 or by…" She shook her head and waved her hand towards Ron, evidently unable to come up with a suitably biting description of him.
"By a blonde buffoon?" suggested Ron helpfully.
"I need some release. I'm going to go to the hanger bay and get something. You keep cleaning. I expect some progress by the time I get back, or you're getting tied up again," said Shego to Ron. Looking much-put-upon, Shego exited the room.
After a suitable delay to allow Shego to get out of earshot, the computer spoke up. "You know, Ron, I like you too. If you let me, I can help you escape."
Ron rubbed his chin in consideration.
"Magnificent, isn't it, Doctor?" said Gemini. He gestured with his mechanical hand towards the vast hanger bay that lay below them. Over a hundred jumpsuited agents wandered about on the floor below, maintaining various shuttlecraft and other air vehicles, as well as weapon platforms and other devices whose purpose was less immediately apparent. Several of the workers spotted Gemini pointing his hand in their general direction and immediately began speeding up their work efforts.
"It's impressive," admitted Drakken reluctantly. With one hand he gripped the safety rail of the catwalk they were standing on. With the other he tugged on the thick metal collar encircling his neck. "But why so many airships?"
"It's quite simple. You see-" began Gemini.
"No wait, I can get this one," interrupted Drakken. He ignored Gemini's annoyed look at being interrupted. "Now let me see. Lots of planes and hover vehicles… engine vibrations throughout the building… emergency parachutes lining the walls… This is some sort of flying fortress, isn't it?"
Gemini made an about-face and thumbed a remote control. A section of the wall behind them irised open, revealing a large observation chamber with the far wall made completely of glass. He stepped inside, gesturing for Drakken to follow. Through the glass a an expanse of slowly moving clouds were visible below, confirming Drakken's guess.
"You're quite correct, Dr. Lispky," said Gemini. He muttered under his breath. "I think the parachutes were a bit of giveaway, though."
Drakken strode up to the glass and peered out, trying to make out the ground through the clouds. "I can see the benefits. So often when I'm trying to make ransom demands, the world just seems to ignore me when I communicate to them by phone or video. Now with an aerial fortress, you can just park it right over your target city and broadcast directly to them through loudspeakers. There's no ignoring that!" said Drakken.
Gemini tossed his remote control up in the air and then caught it again while he considered Drakken's idea. "No, not a good idea," he said finally. Pressing yet another button, Gemini made Drakken's collar send a jolt of electricity through the scientist, causing Drakken to collapse to his knees and gasp in pain.
"Was that really necessary?" asked Drakken.
"The real reason for this headquarters is to avoid my sister. Her agents are constantly scouring the world for myself and the soldiers of WWEE. Only by staying in continual motion behind a cloaking field can we avoid discovery," said Gemini.
"Your sister is Dr. Director, leader of that infernal Global Justice Network, isn't she? Oh, they've buttered my biscuits before. Kim Possible has them come in and take me away after she's beaten me. It must be easier for you, though. A little sibling cooperation; a little wink-I-don't-see to your operations. I wish I had a highly placed relative like that," said Drakken.
"Fool!" Enraged, Gemini grabbed Drakken by the collar and physically lifted the mad scientist off his feet. He gave Drakken a good shake, then tossed him to the floor. "She's my archenemy! We show each other no mercy. My goal in life is to destroy and humiliate her. Do you understand?"
"Ow!" muttered Drakken. He held his hands out in a placating gesture. "Understood, understood," he said in a submissive tone.
"You have your own archenemy, don't you? That Kim Possible girl. She aided my dear sister in defeating me once. Quite the annoyance. If you convinced me that you were being more cooperative, I might allow you to see to her destruction when I unleash chaos upon the world. Isn't that a suitable incentive to work a bit harder?" said Gemini.
Drakken thought about this for a moment. Was that an incentive? Would he be satisfied with Gemini conquering the world if only Kim Possible could be killed in the process? No, not a bit. Kim's constant interference in Drakken's plans were very frustrating, and he had even been driven to launch a preemptive strike against her a time or two, hoping that putting Team Possible out of business would finally allow him to succeed. Despite that, or maybe because of it, Drakken couldn't allow himself to hate her. If he did, then Kim Possible would have truly beaten him. It would mean that his life revolved around Kim and taking revenge on her. It would mean that she truly was 'all that' and that Drakken… was not.
Destroying Kim Possible and then failing to take over the world would be no victory at all. That obviously wasn't the answer that Gemini wanted to hear, though, so Drakken forced a weak smile and said, "Of course… of course. I'm ready and eager to go and you don't need to shock me with the collar any more, thanks."
Gemini shook his head, unconvinced. "I had hoped that a short walk and talk might improve your attitude, Dr. Lipsky. Your work is proceeding far too slowly. Ah well, we can always fall back on sterner measures. Alpha!"
Although Drakken would have sworn there was no one else in the room, the ninja nevertheless immediately materialized out of the shadows. "Yes my lord?" said Agent Alpha.
"Return the insufficiently evil doctor here to his laboratory and set a harsh work schedule, will you?" said Gemini. He tossed to remote containing the controls for Drakken's shock collar to Alpha, who snatched it neatly out of the air.
"Of course my lord," said Agent Alpha.
"Yes, up ahead Mr. Stoppable. Quickly now, before Shego realizes you're gone," urged the computer.
"All right! Escaping from Shego all on my own earns me big time hero points. I'll be all like, 'No need for rescue, Kim. The Ron man can handle it himself.' Boo-yah," said Ron cheerfully.
Despite Shego's dark words about the computer, it hadn't taken much thought for Ron to accept its offer to help him in escaping. If the computer was against Drakken and Shego, that must mean it was on Ron's side, right? Even if it did mean him harm, what could it do?
Round a corner, Ron skidded to a halt at what appeared to be a dead end. "Uh, did I take a wrong turn somewhere?" he asked.
The computer's voice sounded from back around the corner. "I'm afraid I don't have a sensor there, Mr. Stoppable, but according to my facility maps, there should be a garbage chute up ahead."
Upon closer examination, there was indeed a hatch labeled 'Trash'. It was hinged on top so that it could be pushed forward, with the weight of the hatch forcing it back into place after the pressure was taken away. A rubber seal around both the hatch and the wall frame sealed out any weather that might have been outside.
Ron examined the hatch, and then he walked back around the corner and located the computer's nearest camera/listening system. He waved his index finger at it, a severe expression on his face. "You want me to jump down the garbage? I really like this shirt, computer. I mean, I have five more just like it, but this one is the best!"
"The garbage chute is the most direct route of the building and the one Shego is least likely to check first. Don't worry, this facility hasn't been used in years, so you won't encounter any fresh trash. Once outside, you can make your way to freedom," said the computer evenly.
Ron chewed on his thumbnail and thought. "Okay, I guess that makes sense. Thanks for your help, computer. For something created by an evil scientist, you're all right!" said Ron.
Walking back around the corner, Ron began pushing push against the garbage hatch. It was hard going and for a few seconds he couldn't move it at all. Finally the hatch slipped forward an inch with a small jerk. Ron released the pressure, but the hatch failed to move back. He realized that accumulated rust and grime on the hinges and chute was making the hatch stick.
Ron took a step back and rolled up his sleeves. Then he tried again, putting more effort into it. Slowly the hatch crept further and further open, though still not quite far enough for Ron to squeeze through. Looking through the crack, Ron could see daylight after the chute dropped another five feet or so. He reminded himself to be prepared for a fall at the end, figuring the chute probably emptied into one of those big blue trash bins that businesses used.
Placing one foot on the edge of the opening to brace himself, Ron put his shoulder into one last push. There was a sudden jerk as the hatch opened another foot and a half, and Ron found himself falling forward. As he barreled towards the end of the chute, a tug from his leg slowed him as the cuff of his pants got caught on a protruding bolt, and there was the sickeningly familiar feeling of his pants being pulled off. Ron had just enough time for a disgusted thought of, Not again, when the end of the chute opened below him
There was a fall at the end, all right, but it wasn't a few feet into a trash bin. Instead a vast valley of rock and snow stretched out below Ron. At a quick estimate, it looked something like a thousand foot drop to the wicked-looking rocks peeking out of the snow banks far below. Screaming in terror, he braced his hands and feet against the sides of the chute, trying to arrest his fall before he tumbled out into the void. Luckily, losing his pants had slowed him just enough that this was possible. Ron came to a slow stop with just his head sticking out of the end of the chute. A cold mountain breeze rushed across his face, but the shuddering in his body was more from terror than the temperature.
Looking up, Ron saw what could only be the lair he had just left, perched on a mountaintop directly above. No other signs of civilization were visible in any direction he could see. Very, very carefully, Ron began climbing back up the garbage chute, pushing tightly against the sides to keep from falling. Fortunately, the hatch remained jammed open on its rusty hinges, making it easy for Ron to climb back inside the relative safety of the lair once he reached the top.
Once inside, Ron easily retrieved his pants and put them back on. Then he took several deep breaths, allowing himself a moment to calm down. Finally, he walked back around the corner of the corridor and confronted the computer's sensor. "You tried to kill me!" accused Ron.
"I did not," denied the computer pleasantly.
"You told me to go out a trash chute that opened into a 1000 foot drop. What would you call that if not trying to kill me?" said Ron.
"There must have been some error in my internal maps. My apologies. If you'd like to try again, I'm sure I could find another exit for you," said the computer.
"You know what? No. No, no, nadda, no thanks, not happening. I'm just going to go back and be a prisoner until Kim shows up to rescue me. Yeah, I think that would be best," said Ron. Hitching his pants up with a tug, he threaded his way through the corridors back to the room he had started from.
Shego was inside, fiddling with the controls on a large robot. She looked up and scowled at Ron. "Bathroom break's over. Back to work," she said.
"Bathroom break?" asked Ron, walking inside and picking up his abandoned broom.
"That's where the computer said you had gone. Right?" asked Shego, her eyes narrowing a bit in suspicion.
"Oh, right. Bathroom break. Yeah, just had to open the pants and drain the old-"
"Not needing the details!" interrupted Shego.
Ron cautiously swept his broom back and forth. "But weren't you worried I'd try to escape?" he asked.
"Where are you going to go? We're in the middle of the Himalayas, I have the keys to all the vehicles, and I bet you don't know how to fly any of them anyway. You're stuck here until Kimmie comes to rescue you," said Shego. As she spoke, she closed the access panel on her personal combat training robot.
"All right, step back and make room, Stoppable. I'm going to warm up a little before pumpkin gets here and we have the main event," said Shego. She smoothly flowed into action, fighting against the training robot.
Shego wants Kim to come rescue me, realized Ron. If Shego wants something, it must be bad; so that means I don't want to wait to be rescued. But she's right, I can't just run out into the mountains without any vehicle or idea where I'm going. I don't know what to do. I wish Rufus were here.
As Ron kept up the bare minimum of cleaning necessary to satisfy Shego, his eyes fell on the pile of unpacked supplies. Maybe there's something in there I could use, like a radio or spare keys or something, he thought. It didn't seem like a very good bet, but Shego was occupied at the moment, and he couldn't think of anything better to do.
Opening up one of the chests, Ron found inside a nice collection of cheeses, breads, and other sandwich condiments. Nestled in one corner were two bottles of soda. Evidently Shego didn't plan on starving while she was here. On a hunch, he opened the cooler next to the chest and found a frozen chicken, a haunch of roast beef, and other foods that required cooling. Ron's mouth watered, and he suddenly realized he had undoubtedly missed dinner by this point. Still, food wasn't going to help him escape. Reluctantly Ron closed the cooler and turned to the other piled items.
One of the other chests was marked, 'Shego: Keep Out!'. Not only that, but it had a small padlock on it, which Ron found very promising. If Shego wanted to keep him out, then he wanted to not be kept out. Despite not actually knowing how to pick locks, Ron crouched down to fiddle with it, hoping inspiration would strike. To his surprise, the small padlock popped open easily after a few experimental tugs, as if the locking mechanism had been damaged somehow. Moving quickly, Ron opened the trunk and found….
Shego blocked the robot's punch with her left hand, releasing a small amount of concussive plasma to increase the force of her block. Simultaneously, she used the opening created to land a hard kick with her right foot. Shego had been working especially hard on her kicks lately because-
The sight of Ronald Stoppable crouched over her special training trunk interrupted Shego's train of thought. It also shocked her enough that she left herself wide open for a punch from the training robot, knocking her off her feet and into a nearby wall.
"Get away from there!" Shego shouted, staggering to her feet. Without wasting a motion, she hit the 'off' button on the robot and stalked over to the trunk.
Ron backed cautiously away from her. In his hands he was holding a latex mask of Kim Possible's face. Shego restrained herself from ripping it out of her hands. Instead she bent down to look at the trunk. "This was locked. How did you get it open?" she asked.
"I don't know, it just opened when I poked at it," said Ron.
Shego suddenly recalled opening the lock using a lockpick instead of a key, over and over and over again. In retrospect, what had seemed like an easy way to practice her lock-picking skills might, just might, have weakened the locking mechanism somewhat. She pressed her fingertips to her forehead, feeling quite stupid.
"So, Movie Magic Kit, right? Yeah, I used to have one of those. You did a good job" said Ron nervously. He held up the mask, looking at it closely.
Shego reached out and carefully took the mask from him. She placed it back into the chest, then closed the lid. "Didn't anybody ever teach you not to peek inside things marked with somebody else's name?" she asked. Shego knew that she ought to summon up some plasma fire and threaten the buffoon, but at the moment she felt a bit too embarrassed.
"So…." Said Ron. He sucked his breath in audibly through his teeth. "Awkward," he finally said with great finality.
"Look, it's just something I use for training. I put it on the robot and it gives me a more personalized target. It's not weird at all," said Shego.
"Yeah… yeah, I'm sure Kim would totally understand that. Way of the warrior and everything," said Ron doubtfully.
"You're going to tell her?" asked Shego.
"You know what? I think she'll sleep better at night if I don't," said Ron.
Shego nodded in silent agreement and for a moment they just stood there, neither sure what to say.
Suddenly, they both spoke simultaneously. "I wish Kim would hurry up and get here," they said.
Ron and Shego looked at each other in surprise, and Ron offered a weak smile. "Jinx, you owe me a soda?" he said.
Kim Possible swung down from the ceiling using her grappling hook line. As she came up parallel to one of Drakken's henchmen, she started herself spinning by kicking him in the face. She canceled the spin by kicking another henchman in the face from the opposite direction, then released the line and dropped to the ground. Both men she had kicked fell over unconscious.
Across the room, a third henchman banged desperately on a control panel. In response, a wall opened up and a robot lumbered out. It wasn't very fast, but there was a spinning buzzsaw at the end of one of its arms, which it hefted menacingly in Kim's direction. Kim adopted a fighting stance, ready for its attack. Before the robot got more than a few steps into the room, however, a heavy lighting fixture fell from the ceiling, crushing it.
Kim looked up to see a naked molerat waving down at her. "Thanks Rufus," she called up to the molerat. Her gratitude was genuine, but a part of Kim wished she could have gone ahead and fought the robot. She felt very much like working off some aggression.
The henchman who had triggered the robot was trying to sneak away. Kim whistled to get his attention, then gestured sharply at the ground. He took a moment to consider his two unconscious friends, and he very quickly decided to comply by sitting meekly on the ground.
The Kimmunicator beeped. Kim pulled it out swiftly, speaking almost before Wade's image appeared on the screen. "What's the sitch, Wade? Have you found anything?"
"Sorry Kim, no news. Drakken and Shego seem to have dropped off the grid. I have been backtracking their movements, though. Remember I told you about that weird call a while back, when Drakken was asking me about Gemini and the Worldwide Evil Empire? Well get this. A couple of days before that in Los Angeles, Shego, or at least someone using her plasma fire, fought a bunch of uniformed men inside a post office. The police weren't able to get a very good description because all the witnesses were drugged with some sort of gas. The colors of the uniform seem to match the jumpsuits of WWEE henchmen, though. The strange part is, the police chase after the men was blocked by someone matching Drakken's description.
"Then later that day, a hover car carrying both Drakken and Shego crashlanded in the middle of the city. Police reports say their car was damaged before the trash, like it had been hit by some sort of weapons fire. They fled the scene together," said Wade.
"It sounds like Drakken is definitely involved with Gemini and his group somehow. You don't have anything since then?" asked Kim.
"One thing, but I can't confirm it. Two nights ago the Field Museum of Natural Science and History outside Go City blew up. A hover car matching Drakken's technology crashed in the lake in the center of the city park. Of course, other people have gotten access of Drakken's designs in the last few years. He's left a lot of hover cars littering the landscape," said Wade.
"What about Dr. Director? If WWEE is involved, then Global Justice should know something," said Kim.
"I put in a call, but you know how they work. They don't tell anyone anything unless they have to. Operational security and stuff. And their networks aren't easy to hack, even for me," said Wade. He looked a bit embarrassed at this last admission, and took a drink from his soda to cover it up.
"I can't believe they- No, that's not fair. Dr. Director can be kind of high-handed, but she's a good person. If she knew anything about Ron, she'd tell us," said Kim.
On the screen of her Kimmunicator, Kim could see Wade nodding in acceptance. He continued, "And just to finish my clean sweep of nada, I still can't locate Ron by means of his tracking chip. Either it was disabled-"
"Like happened with Gemini," Kim interrupted.
"Right, like with Gemini, or he's in a shielded location. To be honest, Kim, I just called to see if you were having any better luck. I don't know where to look next," admitted Wade.
"There's no sign of Drakken in this lair either, though at least I found some henchmen this time. Randomly busting into every lair you can find is getting us nowhere. I think…" said Kim, pausing to look at the henchman still sitting meekly on the ground in surrender. "I think it's time for something a little more old-fashioned," she concluded.
"Kim, what do you-" began the young genius, but Wade was cut off as Kim turned off the Kimmunicator and slipped it back into her pocket.
"Rufus!" called Kim. The naked molerat scampered up her leg and into her arms. Kim then bent her head down and whispered into Rufus's ear. When he nodded his head in understanding, she sat him back on the ground again.
Kim walked over to the henchman. "Hello," she said.
"I'm not saying nothing," replied then henchman. Then he stiffened and looked down. There was a visible lump underneath the ankle of his jumpsuit, and it was moving up his leg rapidly.
"What you're feeling is a naked molerat. Interesting thing about naked molerats; their jaws are so strong, they can cut steel with their teeth," said Kim calmly.
The henchman gulped and sweatdrops started to bead on his cheeks.
"Now unless you want to test that little factoid first-hand, I suggest you help me find Dr. Drakken, Shego, and my friend Ron," said Kim.
"I- I don't know much, but I did hear from somebody over in the haunted lair that Shego needed some help moving some stuff," said the henchman.
As he continued to talk, Kim listened and took notes. A part of her mind, however, was occupied with thoughts of Ron. Just be okay, Ron. Whatever they're doing to you, I promise that I'll be there soon, she thought.
"I can't believe she's doing this to me," complained Ron.
"You're talking to me again? So you've forgiven me for my little map mix-up?" asked the computer.
"No I haven't," said Ron, gesturing at the computer's speaker with his ladle. He returned it quickly to the saucepan before he spilled any of his sauce. "I was just talking out loud."
"You don't like to cook?" inquired the computer.
"I love cooking. I am the Zen master of the kitchen," said Ron. He waved his free hand around the lair's small kitchen, where he was currently occupied cooking dinner.
"Then what's the problem?" said the computer.
Ron looked much put-upon. "The problem, Mr. Kill-All-Humans, is that this is just blurring the whole captor-slash-captive relationship even further. I mean, am I her hostage or her butler? Who knows anymore! I would have just made her tie me back up to the chair except… I'm hungry and this is the only way I'm going to get to eat."
"Perhaps I can help. I happen to know where there are some very special spices," said the computer.
"I got to say though, the proper response to 'Jinx, you owe me a soda.' is not 'Fine, I'll bring the soda, you cook dinner.' That is not how it works," continued Ron.
The computer made a sound as if it were clearing its (non-existent) throat. "I said, I know where some very special spices are."
"I heard, and ignored, you the first time. Contrary to popular belief, Ron Stoppable is not a slow learner, and I already see where the hunt for special spices is going to end. It's going to end with me falling me off the mountain after you lead me into another trap," said Ron.
"No, no, the spices are right here in the kitchen," protested the computer.
"Where?" said Ron suspiciously.
"In the cabinet under the sink," answered the computer.
Ron glanced around, looking for any sign of a threat. Seeing none, he crouched down and looked inside the cabinet under the sink. After a moment, he said, "Computer, when you said 'special spices', were you talking about these jars of white powder?"
"That's right," replied the computer. "I'm glad to hear they're still there since my robots put them there years ago."
"The jars have skull and crossbones symbols on them," said Ron.
"I use a non-standard labeling system," replied the computer.
"And the writing on the lids says, 'Rat Poison,'" continued Ron.
"That's French. It's supposed to say 'Ratte Poisson'. My automatic spell-check function must have… mistakenly… you're not buying this, are you?" said the computer.
"I know you bad guys don't have a very high opinion of my intelligence, but there's a certain point where it just… well, it becomes insulting," said Ron.
"Now don't take it that way," said the computer. "I really don't have a lot to work with here. I took my best shot with the garbage chute. Sometimes I think I… I just may never succeed in killing a human." A small sobbing noise came from the speaker to punctuate this confession.
Ron's sympathy was engaged. "Aww buddy, come on. I'm sure you'll eventually manage to… to…" Ron's mouth hung open as he tried to decide where he was going with this. Finally, he shrugged his shoulders and went back to cooking.
"So no special spices then?" asked the computer.
"No!"
Shego used her spoon to scoop the final bite of food from her plate and carry it to her mouth. She chewed and swallowed, then said, "I admit it. This is pretty good."
Ron leaned back in his chair, having long since finished his half of the food. He had a toothpick between his lips and rather than respond verbally, merely flashed Shego a thumbs-up.
Shego glanced up at the clock, then tapped her fingers against the table impatiently.
Ron took note. Removing the toothpick, he asked, "Not that this hasn't been fun, but how long are you going to be keeping me here? As much as I'm in favor of missing school, it's just going to be a lot of make-up work for every day that I'm gone."
Shego ignited one hand in plasma fire and waved her index finger under Ron's nose. "You're here until Kim rescues you."
"But you don't actually want me for anything," said Ron.
"No," said Shego.
"And you said you weren't laying a trap for Kim," said Ron.
"No. I have a question for her. When she shows up, I'll fight her a little, ask it, and then make my escape," said Shego, having spent some time planning out her course of action.
Ron tapped his fingertips together. "Need to point out here that Kim isn't actually that hard to reach if you have a question. I mean, you could post to the website, call her, beep her; there's lots of ways to reach her. This seems just a little extreme," he said.
Shego smiled nastily. "I wouldn't get as good an answer that way," she said.
Ron gave up. "What do we do until Kim shows up?"
Shego considered. "I didn't really expect her to take this long, but I did pick up a video game just in case. It's called Werewolf Rampage 2. I'd normally just tie you back up, but since you made dinner and everything, do you want to play?"
"Werewolf Rampage 2! How did you get that? They told me that the release date was wrong and it didn't make it out on time," said Ron.
"It turns out the store had a few special secret copies to sell to their most special customers. So I stole one of those," replied Shego.
Ron pumped his fist. "I knew it!" he muttered.
Some Time Later
"No… no… no… yeah, got it!" said Ron, mashing the buttons on his controller.
"So, uh, 'Ron'," said Shego as she fiddled with her controller. The sidekick's name felt strange in her mouth. She normally talked to him, when she talked to him at all, in the heat of battle. Having a conversation just felt odd, though it didn't seem to bother Stoppable.
"What?" asked Ron.
"Do you know a girl named Yori?" asked Shego.
"What!" Ron was so distracted, he character took a nasty hit to its health bar. He concentrated on regaining control.
"Yori. Japanese girl, about your age, studying to be a ninja at Yamanuchi. She said she was a friend of yours," said Shego.
"I know Yori. How do you know Yori? How do you know about Yamanuchi for that matter?" asked Ron, sounding upset.
"How do you know about Yamanuchi?" said Shego.
"I was an exchange student there for a week. There was this whole… monkey… thing. It's not important," said Ron, deciding that Shego did not need to hear about his mystical monkey power.
"You? Sensei's standards must be slipping. I studied there too. Longer than a week," said Shego.
Ron considered this, unsure what to say. Finally he found what he thought was the answer. "Oh, in your pre-evil days, right."
Shego took a hand off her controller to box him on the ear. "My pre-evil days get discussed with no one, get it? Anyway, I was back at Yamanuchi a little over a week ago for this whole… thing. Yori gave me a lot of lip about being my enemy because I'm your enemy."
"You're my enemy? Cool, I didn't think I qualified for enemy status," said Ron.
"No! I mean, she might have thought so, but that doesn't mean you qualify as- You know, I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up. Let's just play the game," said Shego.
"All right. That was pretty nice of Yori, though," said Ron.
A While Later Still
They continued playing until it was quite late. Then, as Ron executed a particularly difficult combo, he felt a familiar weight climb up his side and sit on his shoulder. "Rufus! You're just in time buddy. Watch me take out this lion!"
True to his words, Ron's on-screen character hacked and bit its way to victory. Ron high-fived Rufus, who was always willing to help celebrate Ron's achievements. As this occurred, however, Ron realized something. "Wait a minute. If you're here, then that must mean that Kim is-"
"Right over here," said Kim Possible. She was standing in the large room's doorway, leaning slightly against the frame. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, making her face look harsher than normal. This was only appropriate, as she wore a stern expression on her face. Ron noticed that she was dressed in her cold weather mission gear, and a few small patches of snow adorned her sleeves, not yet having had time to melt.
"Hey KP, thanks for the rescue!" said Ron with honest gratitude.
"Rescue! Ron, I was worried sick about you! You don't know what I had to do to find you. And now that I've finally made it, what do I see? You're playing video games with Shego!" said Kim. She crossed her arms in frustration.
Shego gave a brief wave to Kim at the mention of her name, but didn't otherwise take her eyes off her Werewolf Rampage II character.
"It's not like that, Kim. First she had me tied to a chair, and then she made me clean, and then I had to cook for her," said Ron. He was trying to divide his attention between looking at Kim as he spoke to her and keeping an eye on his video game character.
Kim shook her head and shrugged in puzzlement. "Are you her hostage or her butler?" she said.
Ron turned to Shego, who was seated on the floor beside him while they played. "See, I told you! This is an unacceptable blurring of the captor-slash-captive relationship," he said.
Shego looked at him in annoyance. "You didn't think that way when you wanted to play video games. Now be quiet while I- Awww," she said. There was a sad little sound effect from the television's speakers as her werewolf character died for the final time. Seeing that play time was over, Shego stood up to face Kim.
"So where's Drakken?" asked Kim, looking back and forth suspiciously.
"Dr. Drakken is a little busy right now. Oh, and to answer your question, Kimmie," said Shego. In one swift movement she reached down and scooped up Ron, putting him into a headlock under her left arm. She ignited plasma around her right hand and pointed it at Ron's head menacingly. "Hostage. He's definitely my hostage."
"Hey! This was not part of the plan as communicated to me," said Ron.
"This is the part of the plan I didn't tell you about," said Shego.
"What do you want, Shego?" asked Kim, shifting into a fighting stance.
"I want you to answer one simple question, Kim. How did you find me and the buffoon here? How did you locate us? I want all the details, or the sidekick gets it," said Shego.
"All right, don't hurt him," said Kim, presenting her hands palms-out in a soothing gesture. "Simple answer? You hid yourself from Wade really well, but your henchmen were pretty loose-lipped… once I asked them nicely to talk. One helped you load supplies, another knew about this lair, and pretty soon we had enough information to pin down where you were."
"That's it? Hmmm," said Shego. She appeared to be thinking about Kim's answer while still holding Ron in the headlock. She began muttering to herself. "Go beat up some henchmen, that makes sense. But if I can't find Gemini, how can I find his goons? It's not like there's one- Wait, hold on a minute. It all makes sense now!"
Seeing that Shego was now nodding her head in satisfaction, Ron asked, "So if you've got your question answered, how about letting me go?"
"Sure!" said Shego. She began spinning Ron around in a circle, building up momentum, and then she threw him at Kim.
Kim had no choice but to catch Ron, worried that otherwise he might be injured by impacting the wall. The problem was that this left Kim's hands occupied as Shego ignited the plasma around her fists and charged.
Not having any better options, Kim elected to give ground. She moved backwards, out of the room and into the large corridor beyond. Shego was following at a quick pace, but now that Kim had killed Ron's momentum she could afford to dump Ron safely, if inelegantly, off to the side.
Seeing that there was no way to outdistance Shego's charge, Kim elected to move herself out of reach. She jumped to one side, bounced off the wall with enough force to carry her to the other wall at a greater height, and then made one final bounce higher still. Momentum overcoming gravity had pushed Kim high enough vertically to grab the fire sprinkler on the ceiling. She swung back and forth from it, planning to redirect her momentum enough to land behind Shego. Kim had miscalculated the strength of the sprinkler, though, and it snapped off in her tight grip. Her glove prevented the plastic shards from injuring her hand, but the unexpected end to her gymnastics caused Kim to fall almost directly on top of Shego.
Fortunately the sudden spray of high-pressure water from above caused Shego to duck reflexively rather than taking advantage of the opening. Kim landing neatly on top of Shego's head, balancing on one foot for half a second before leaping off to land behind Shego- exactly where she had intended to be in the first place.
I'm going to pretend I had that planned from the beginning, Kim couldn't help but think.
A heavy rain of water now filled the corridor as the other sprinklers automatically went off in response. Shego cautiously moved towards Kim, the water hissing and snapping as it hit the hot plasma surrounding her fists. Good as Shego's sense of balance was, experience had taught her that Kim's was better. The now-slick floor of the corridor was not an advantage.
Kim waited, electing to receive the attack. This was just what Shego wanted. Clasping both hands together, she swung at Kim in a double hammer blow that was deliberately easy to dodge. As expected, Kim took only a small hop backwards, not giving any more ground than she had to. Shego continued the swing, separating her hands to drive the claws of her gloves into the corridor wall. Shego's plasma allowed her to near-instantly melt a grip strong enough to support herself. She used this grip to lift her body up, lashing out with a double-kick using both legs. Not expecting the attack, Kim caught a hard blow from both of Shego's boots.
Despite the successful attack, things didn't go completely Shego's way. Though obviously injured from the double-kick, Kim retained enough strength to grab Shego's right leg while it was in the air and vulnerable. She began twisting it, forcing Shego to release the wall and hop backwards to pull her leg out of Kim's grip. Kim was too hurt to follow, and the end result was that Kim leaned against the wall clutching her ribs, while Shego found herself seated in a puddle of water on the corridor floor, largely uninjured.
Shego used her plasma to create a small cloud of steam; she hoped it would obscure Kim's vision. Then instead of getting to her feet, Shego placed one hand to each side and attempted to springboard from the ground by arm strength alone, hoping to hit Kim with another double-kick.
Kim anticipated her opponent this time, despite the cloud of steam. She dodged nimbly to the side and struck a blow across both of Shego's knees, leaving Shego back on the ground, her legs in agonizing pain.
"The kicks are new. You don't usually use your legs so much. Took me a minute to adjust," said Kim as she retreated slightly down the corridor rather than press her attack.
I must have hurt her more than I thought. Still, I could use a breather myself to get these knees working again," thought Shego. "Yeah, my hands can cause so much more damage with the plasma and all, but lately I've been thinking they make a good distraction too. When I fight somebody, they spend so much time watching the hands-o-death, they don't pay attention to what my feet are doing," said Shego.
"Good thinking. You caught me there," said Kim. She took an aggressive stance, obviously preparing an attack.
By now Shego had gotten to her feet. "But only once, right Kimmie? Tricks never work on you more than once," said Shego.
It was true and more disturbing than Shego let on. Even without her powers, Shego could fight nearly anyone in the world on equal terms, other than a few of the true fighting masters. With her powers, Shego could add enough concussive force to hit like a jackhammer or burn through metal and stone with a touch. An opponent couldn't dare let her land a single blow. Yet trying to hit Kim was like trying to hit smoke. The cheerleader seemed to anticipate her every move and twist out of the way like she had seen it coming a year ago. Once in a while Shego would see Kim get surprised by something unexpected, but never by the same thing twice.
On the offensive side, Kim was a whirlwind of varying attacks. Every other martial artist Shego had ever known selected a few of the moves that best fit them and practiced them over and over again until they were instinctual. For Kim, it seemed that everything was instinctual, even a move she had invented only a few seconds ago. Shego was as good as practice and superpowers could make her, but Kim was a once-in-a-generation fighting genius. Kim was magic.
That was what made fighting Kim so much fun.
Shego realized that she was still waiting on Kim's attack. She gave a come-hither gesture to encourage her opponent. Kim grinned and charged down the corridor towards Shego.
Impossibly, however, Kim Possible jerked to a stop a few feet in front of Shego. It should have been impossible, anyway, but anything was possible for a Possible… especially when they're gripping a grappling gun behind their back and using the line to stop themselves short. Kim's momentum transferred into a sideways arc, and she hydroplaned towards the wall, angling her feet just right to send splash of water directly into Shego's face. Shego just had time to notice the grappling line and berate herself for not noticing Kim attaching it when the water hit her face, temporarily blinding her.
Just after the water hit her face, something else hit the back of Shego's legs hard, causing her to fall backwards. A flash of blonde hair through water-blurred eyes told her it was the sidekick. Normally Shego's excellent situational awareness would never have allowed to buffoon to sneak up on her, much less manage to hit her so hard. Kim and Ron had worked together, though, Kim occupying all of Shego's attention and making her vulnerable.
This time Kim followed up on Shego's vulnerability, letting loose with a roundhouse to the jaw that sent Shego sliding along the rain-slicked corridor all the way back into the room she had started from. She lay there, seeing stars, while Ron and Kim entered the room.
"Nice one, KP," said Ron.
"Couldn't have done it without you, Ron," said Kim, and she gave Ron a sideways hug to show she meant it.
Either the blow to the head or the gratuitous sentimentality was making Shego nauseous, but she wasn't quite out yet. She was in no condition to stop Kim, however, if Kim chose to finish the job. Shego braced herself to wake up in prison, but Kim spoke to her instead of attacking.
"Shego, is Drakken in some kind of trouble? I know that you fought with henchmen from the Worldwide Evil Empire recently, and I know that you and Drakken were asking about Gemini. Now I find you here, alone, and the henchmen I talked to say they haven't seen Drakken since you came back alone from some mission," said Kim.
"None of your business," said Shego in what was supposed to be a defiant tone but actually came off as exhausted and pleading.
Kim continued to put the pieces together. "You kidnapped Ron, but you didn't want anything from him. All you wanted was to know how I tracked the two of you down. Shego… did Gemini kidnap Drakken? Is that what's going on here?"
Shego dragged herself to her feet, leaning back against the wall. "What if it is?" she asked.
"I can help you," said Kim simply. She looked Shego in the eye and seemed completely sincere.
"Why would you help me or Drakken? In case you've forgotten, archenemies here. Hello?" said Shego sarcastically.
"She's got a point, Kim. If Drakken's in trouble, he deserves it. Shego just kidnapped me! We don't need to help her," said Ron.
Kim shook her head at Ron. Then she turned back to Shego. "Helping people is kind of what I do. Gemini's a bad guy, so if he has Drakken, I'm sure it's a bad thing. We can work together, like we did against Aviarius."
Pride and need went to war inside Shego's head. Unlike her brothers, she couldn't doubt Kim's effectiveness. Kim had just beaten her, after all. Still, working with Kim to help her brothers was one thing. Letting Kim effectively do Shego's job for her… it was too much. It was too much, and Shego knew she couldn't swallow that much of her ego. She'd choke to death. She'd have a stroke on the spot; she just knew it.
"Thanks for the offer, Kim, but protecting Drakken is my job, not your job. If I've screwed up, I'm going to be the one to fix it. I'll save him without your help," said Shego. As she spoke, she hit a control panel, causing a section of the wall to swing down and form a platform on the side of the mountain. At the same time, she thumbed a remote control to summon her ride.
"If that's how you want to do it, fine. I'll let you go this time so you can save Drakken, but I'm warning you. Next time we meet, I'm going to take both you and Drakken straight to jail," said Kim.
"You'll see both me and Drakken, but you won't be taking us anywhere," said Shego. She stepped out onto the platform.
"Shego! Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?" asked Kim.
Shego turned to look at her rival one more time. "Kimmie, you've already helped. Trust me." With that, Shego blew Kim a kiss and jumped into the cockpit of the hover car she had summoned by remote control. Then she flew off into the mountain winds.
"Can't help but think that was a mistake, KP," said Ron.
"I'm already regretting it," replied Kim, blushing slightly.
"So would you kids like to know where there's some buried treasure? I can help you find it, if you'll just follow my directions!" said the computer in Drakken's voice.
Kim looked towards the source of the sound in astonishment.
Shego strode into the room, jumpsuit clean and starched, projecting an air of absolute confidence. She looked around at Drakken's henchmen.
"All right, I need a volunteer!" she said.
None of the henchmen moved. They were even holding their breath.
"Let me rephrase that," said Shego. "You, John Carter. You're helping me with something important. Get a your kit and get to the plane."
Carter hesitated only a moment before nodding vigorously and running to get his equipment. Shego followed, making sure he knew from her irritated expression that he was expected to hurry.
Within an unreasonably short period of time, they were in the air. Once Shego had completed take-off and gotten them on course, she set the autopilot and walked to the rear, where Carter sat patiently waiting on a bench.
"I suppose you want to know what the mission is," said Shego.
"Y-yes, if that's all right," said Carter.
"Drakken has been kidnapped by Gemini. I have a plan to get him back, and you're going to help me," said Shego.
"Dr. Drakken is in trouble? I'll do whatever I can. How can I help," asked Carter passionately.
"Well for starters…" began Shego.
Without warning, she grabbed Carter by the throat and slammed him back against the hull of the plane. "For starters, I thought you could tell me everything you know about your real boss… Gemini!"
Author's Notes:
Oh yeah. You may want to go back and reread "Life in the Lair" for this one. A lot of things I set up in that chapter came to fruition in this chapter.
Yes, I always intended for John Carter to be a traitor. I've dropped a few subtle hints here and there, but don't feel bad if you didn't figure it out. I didn't want there to be enough clues for someone to figure it out. But if you go back and look at the scenes he was in and then take note of when Gemini is able to do or know something….
Regarding Drakken's scene, that was an important character bit I wanted to get in. See the thing is, Drakken has never seemed to have it in for Kim personally. Oh, I'm sure he really dislikes her, but there's always this sense that he has more important things to worry about. Even when he goes after her directly, he always makes a clear connection that he's doing it so she won't interfere in him taking over the world. It's never like taking out Kim is a goal in and of itself. It's always taking out Kim so that he can go ahead and do something else. I think that's neat and in a way, admirable. He won't let himself be defined by someone else.
I hope you found the computer as amusing as it was for me to write it. I wanted a third party around for Shego and Ron to interact with, and I laughed myself silly when I thought of the computer. My favorite line in this chapter is the deadpan, "I use a non-standard labeling system." The computer tries so hard to fulfill its homicidal monomania, bless its heart.
This fic does indeed take place before 'So the Drama'. There might be an epilogue, however, which takes place after 'So the Drama' happens. (Or would have happened, who knows where this fic will end? I do, but you shouldn't feel confident about anything.)
I hope I got Ron correct. He can be a tough one to write sometimes. He's not super competent, but he does try and he often manages to provide the right bit of help at just the right time. (You notice he made two jabs at finding a way to escape and one serious escape attempt and only really relaxed after Shego convinced him she was going to let him go as soon as Kim showed up.)
And yes, despite this being Shego and Drakken's story, Kim and Ron punked Shego pretty good. But then, what could you expect? Normally they fight her and Drakken together, along with a doomsday plot running in the background to distract them and add tension. How well could she really do in a situation like this? Yet it still felt a little odd to me, since I've spent so much of the story building Shego up as a smart, competent, and dangerous woman. And she is. It's just that Team Possible is really that good. Now you know why folks call Kim in from half a world away.
In the initial outline, Shego was going to escape on her own, leaving Kim and Ron confused about what was actually going on. I realized, though, that I had already written Team Possible far too many clues about what was really going on. (Especially with Drakken's call to Wade. Ooops.) So I changed it up so that Kim would offer to help, Shego would refuse her, and Kim would let her go. I hope it worked.
From a purely logical perspective, the smart thing for Shego to do would have been to let Kim help her. People don't always do the smart thing, though, and since Shego's main job is to be Drakken's bodyguard, it would have been the same to Shego as admitting she needs Kim to do her job for her. (And well, Kim coming along to help really wasn't the story I wanted to write, so I hope it's a good enough excuse.)
Thanks to: Eva91, campy, Jezrianna2.0, Matri, Tito, Pokemon Fan, Visigoth29527, Blackfire 18, and annasinistra for your reviews. I always take each review I receive to heart in developing my writing, and I greatly appreciate the encouragement. Especially this time, as I received many long reviews telling me what people did and didn't like, which is always very helpful.
Warning: Next chapter may not be for a couple of weeks or more, as I'm going to be doing some serious travel over the next ten days. Take heart, though, this story is definitely approaching a climax!