Boys and Girls - by Kloudy Reignfall

AKA The most OOC story in the history of mankind

Warning! May contain shounen-ai! And if not, I clearly cannot write worth beans!

Disclaimer: If you think I own DNAngel, please share some of your crack, because I'd like to think that too.

Stuff: Wow, I haven't update for exactly A YEAR! That is INSANE! I'm so sorry… Well, here it is anyway. The last half was cranked out in the last few minutes, so please forgive any mistakes, but feel free to point them out.

Chapter 4

(Satoshi POV)

She's grinning. I really don't know how she can be grinning at a time like this. Doesn't she see that we're both about to make the biggest mistake of our lives!

Oh yeah, she wants to get married, doesn't she?

:sigh: This is so depressing. I think at this point there's really nothing I can do to get out of this, not that there was any way to avoid it in the first place, short of hitting my dad in the head with a dart that first day. Wait, that's a great idea!

":gasp: Does anybody know how to make a time machine!" I ask the crowd suddenly.

The priest-dude looks at me menacingly. "Shut the hell up, you goddamn kid! I'm not done reading!"

:pout: Well there goes that idea! And I really thought it was a good one too.

So now the priest-guy is talking to Heather. "Blah, blah, blah, as long as you both shall live?"

The idiot girl smiles all innocent-like and says in a sickeningly sweet voice, "Yes, I do." Wow, that was almost believable. How scary.

Now the priest-man is talking to me, but I'm not hearing him. I know what he wants me to say after he's done babbling. Maybe there's a way I can get out of it. I look to my dad at that moment. …He's holding what looks to be a tazer. Somehow I don't think saying no is an option… But neither is saying yes:dramatic soap-opera sob:

"Blah, blah, blah, as long as you both shall live?" OMG he's asking me! What do I do! It's getting hot in here and I can't breathe and I… I…-

(Daisuke POV)

Okay, I'll open the doors on the count of three! One, Two, …fuck, I can't do it! I'm just too nervous!

"Wah! What if he doesn't love me! What if he actually wants to get married to that skanky blonde American McDonalds-eating crack-consuming bitch-ass whorey girl! :sob:"

Takeshi raises his eyebrows at me. "Wait, what are you talking about? I thought you guys have already had xxx! Arg, dammit with the censoring already!"
Oh, yeah… heh, I forgot about that. Stupid inconsistencies. "Well yeah, we have had sex," I respond. "But still! What if he's changed his mind and he hates me now!"

Takeshi smiles hopefully at me. "Well then you and me can run away together and live happily ever after!"

….. That's… disturbing. "Okay," I say, deadpanned. "I'm opening the doors now."

(And this is the part where we ignore the fact that I had already opened the doors in the previous chapter. See, because I'm opening them now, so it doesn't really matter. Right? Of course I'm right!)

(Takeshi POV)

So, the first thing Daisuke says upon entering the chapel and seeing his lover laying lifelessly on the ground is, "Gee, I wonder what Satoshi's doing, taking a nap in the middle of big cold stone church." Sound like anyone we know?

I, however, in a stroke of random genius, realize what the real problem is. "Oh my gods, he's fainted!" So Dai and I run over to the poor unconscious blue-haired boy, who is lying there… unconscious.

"No, my poor Satoshi!" Daisuke sobs, while clinging on to the guy. "What have they done to you!"

At this point, it's fair to say that everyone in the entire chapel is confused. And they all wanted to start talking at once!

"I don't know what happened!" some blonde bride-girl tries to explain. "He just started breathing real funny, and then he fell down!"

"That's called hyperventilating, you moron!" Daisuke yelled at her. "And he collapsed, he didn't fall down. Damn, even I'm not this stupid!" He glared at her and hugged his boy-toy closer.

Suddenly, some man, who I just happened to know was Satoshi's father, stood up and started to cause a commotion. …Not like a commotion hadn't already been caused, but hey. "Who are you?" he asked Daisuke angrily. "And what are you doing to my son? You better not be planning to molest him or something, because he's not gay, I'm telling you! He's certainly not gay! Dammit, stop looking at me, all of you!" Uh, but nobody was paying him much attention until he said that, so… yeah, stupid move.

"Yeah, who are you anyway?" Heather asked, purely curious and not really upset like Mr. Hiwatari had been. She didn't really seem to care that her fiancé had fainted. Nope.

At this point, Daisuke got a little upset, like to where he started yelling. "You're not his father!" he screamed. "You never even liked him at all! You just adopted him for reasons that I can't say because it involves our big secret which would get us both locked up in jail forever if anyone else knew, you big meanie-head!"

"Lovely comeback, Dai," I told him sarcastically. Because "meanie-head" was just the worst insult, ya know.

"Okay…" Mr. Hiwatari said slowly. "But who are you?"

"Yeah," said Heather, feeling left out. "You're acting like a disgruntled lover. Oh, I used a big word again!"

So Daisuke sniffled quickly, and then stood up, a very defiant sort of look in his eyes. "I am! Disgruntled, and his lover! And don't any of you ever touch my Satoshi again! Especially you!" he said, pointing at Heather.

"Hey, what'd I do?" she asked innocently. "You can't blame me, I just wanted to get married!" And then she made a very convincing puppy-dog face, which could almost rival what Daisuke could do.

Mr. Hiwatari decided to cut in at this time. "You!" He yelled, pointing very rudely at Daisuke. "You're the reason my son is gay! You must have molested him, and did dirty nasty perverted things to him and made him gay!"

I laughed at this, since I now knew better, having got the talk from Daisuke not that long ago. Oh yes, I knew all about it now, and I felt so smart! I also laughed at this because I knew the reaction it would cause Daisuke to have.

Oh, and it did. Daisuke blinked at the angry man for a few moments. "Are you completely stupid?" he asked, rhetorically. "Is everyone completely stupid! Come on people! I am the uke. UKE! Learn the terms! I would never molest somebody, no, I am the one that gets molested! I could not possibly have turned Satoshi gay. He was like that when I found him. Get with the program!" Yes, Daisuke was a little angry.

But apparently, Mr. Satoshi's Dad didn't catch on to this real well, because he angrily lunged at Daisuke! This was definitely not a good idea; in this state-of-mind, Daisuke was a scary little devil. Oh yes, and he seemed eager to show it! The red-head grappled at Mr. Hiwatari's arms, and they tumbled around on the floor in a ball of red-and-black-and-angry-all-over. Everyone kinda sat there (or stood there) watching them beat at each other. And it was pretty ferocious, but neither of them were particularly good at fighting… Nonetheless, by the time they were done having their little catfight they were both red-and-black-and-bruised-all-over.

Anyway, the only reason the two of them stopped pounding each-other's faces in was that at that moment our little blue-headed groom decided to wake up. Yay!

(POV switch: Satoshi)

I'd been having the most wonderful dream…

In this dream, my gorgeous little Daisuke had come to save me from the hell I was about to be thrown into. He had burst heroically through the chapel doors and fearlessly declared himself to be my lover! And then! Then he started beating the living shit out of my dad, defending my honor and whatnot. I was so proud of him!

But I woke up again, only to find myself lying on the cold stone floor of the cathedral. I heard noises all around me, like a very confused crowd of people was trying to figure out what was going on.

And then I opened my eyes, and lo-and-behold: There was my Daisuke, beating the living shit out of my father! A blissful smile crossed my face.
Suddenly, my life had meaning again!

As soon as I opened my eyes and sat up, the fighting stopped. They let go of each other's throats and fell to the floor, gasping for air and staring at me. Daisuke pulled himself up and ran to me, then collapsed in my arms. I snuggled my face into his neck, extremely grateful to finally be able to hold my lover for the first time in this fic.

My father was not nearly so happy to see me conscious. In fact, he frowned. Can you believe it? He frowned at seeing me alive and well! It was as if he didn't care if I was dead or not!

…Wait, I already knew that.

Anyway, he frowned at me and said, "Wait! This is wrong!"

to which Daisuke responded, "Shut up, old man! Just because you're prejudiced and homophobic doesn't make us wrong!"

to which my father answered, "That's not what I mean! I mean… this can't be Satoshi! He's smiling! Satoshi doesn't know how smile!"

to which I responded with an indignant frown. How insulting! I do too know how to smile!

"That's more like it," my father said, seeing my newly un-smiling face. "That could be Satoshi."

All was contentedly quiet for a moment, before people suddenly remembered that we were in the middle of a very dramatic… drama… thing. And then they all started to murmur confusedly again, which, as quiet as murmuring is, was rather loud and disrupting, owing to the fact that there were several hundred people crammed into the building and that the church walls were built of stone and therefore quite echo-y.

I could feel that Daisuke was getting tense in my arms and I prepared myself for the outburst that was likely soon to come. But to my astonishment, it didn't come. No. Instead of screaming at the noisy congregation to just shut up for a goddam second like I thought he would, Daisuke calmly removed himself from my arms and stood, pulling me up along with him. Looking very composed and still quite OOC, he grabbed my wrist and led me back up the aisle and out the door into the setting sunlight.

I noticed that there was considerably less of a crowd than there had been before the ceremony. Previously, the number of fangirls crowding around the steps of the chapel was amazing. But now, every single fangirl was gone! I looked to the right and noticed in the far off distance a large group of females was marching away from us, zombie-like, and I vowed to repay whoever had convinced them to leave.

Though the fangirls were gone, there were still quite a few people gathered. Mostly reporters, it seemed. They all rushed forward at once, snapping pictures and shouting questions and attempting to block our path of escape. But Daisuke, with his newfound confidence, simply pushed through them as if they were no more substantial than air, saying firmly, "Outta my way, bitches! Disgruntled lover coming through!" And surprisingly, they backed off. Maybe it was the look in his eyes that made them quiver in fear. Maybe it was the powerful aura he emanated. Maybe they'd all finally choked on their own tongues:giggle:

Or, I thought, as I looked behind me in a sudden burst of intuition, they were actually backing away from my deranged father, who was coming after us with murder in his eyes and a tazer in his hand. Yeah, that was probably it.

"Hold it right there, you gay little punk!"

Now Daisuke turned around to face my father, still holding tightly onto my wrist, and sent him a glare unlike any I'd ever seen. It was a look that quite clearly said, I may be OOC, but I can beat your ass any day! Bring it on!

Locking eyes with my lover, father took a deep breath and declared, "Daisuke Niwa, I challenge you to a duel!"

There was a dangerous gleam in Dai's eye. It was one I swore I'd seen before, but not in those eyes. A very dark grin came to his face as he yelled out his response, loud enough for all to hear. "I accept!"

Oh, and the crowd went wild!

End Chapter Four

Right. Well I didn't really mean to end it there. To tell the truth, that whole last part just appeared out of nowhere. But this works. See, I'd originally meant for this to be the last chapter, and to wrap everything up with one of those nice little happy endings. But it didn't work out that way. Oh well. Next chapter, probably. Maybe.

Review please, because I love you?

Completely un-related subliminal messaging and fandom-pimping: My new fandoms are seriously lacking in the fanfic department. Read the Nightrunner series and watch Yakitate Japan and write fanfic!

'Til next time!

-Kloudy Reignfall