Disclaimer: I don't own YYH...If I did, Kuwabara would be a squirrel... just because I said so!
A/n: Yes! I know it's been awhile! And I apologize for that, really and truly! I have been SO wrapped up in school and sports and it got to be more than I thought. Anyway, here it is... the GRAND FINALE! I played around with a lot of different ideas until I came up with a chapter that I thought would be a great ending. Enjoy!
Home Movies
Part Nine: To the Maternity Ward
Yusuke focused the camera in on a sign that said in bold, black lettering, 'Maternity Ward.'
"That's right, folks! We are here in the Maternity Ward, awaiting the arrival of a new member to the gang," Yusuke said. "While Ayame and Koenma are taking part in the birthing process, let's take a look at our new surroundings."
He took the camera's gaze away from the sign and looked out onto the waiting room. The walls were white, the floors were white, the ceiling was white... In fact, the only things that weren't white were the blue chairs and the brown coffee tables. The room was filled with doctors, nurses, and people waiting.
Throughout the room, the Yu Yu Hakusho gang was spread, doing various activities. Genkai was half asleep with Puu in her lap. A good 4 seats away, Keiko and Botan babbled on about child psychology and Dr. Phil. Kuwabara was few seats over with Yukina, continually confessing his love to her. In an isolated corner of the room, Shizuru and Hiei were seen. Hiei was looking very uncomfortable, knowing he would be back here very soon. Next to him, Shizuru sat, flipping through a Parenting magazine. The kids and Kurama were no where to be seen.
"I think it's time to take a poll! Boy or Girl? I say a boy! Let's go find out what the others think," Yusuke said and took off in the direction of Kuwabara and Yukina. He zoomed in on the love birds.
"Yukina, my love! How I can not wait until we are married!" Kuwabara said, holding Yukina's hands and looking at her with two heart-shaped eyes.
In return, the ice maiden blushed redder than a Bloody Mary.
"Looks like Yukina's the next one who's going to get knocked up..." Yusuke mumbled, as he came closer. He continued his sentence in his head. ...That is, if she goes through with the wedding. I really hope those kids take after her...
"Urameshi! What do you want?" Kuwabara exclaimed and quickly let go of Yukina's hands. He had apparently heard Yusuke.
"Just wanted your vote on whether its a girl or a boy. What'll it be?" Yusuke said defensively. Kuwabara always had to assume that Yusuke was only there to bug him. In truth, he was.
"Which is what?" Kuwabara said, looking perplexed. He scratched his head.
"The baby!" Yusuke cried. Kuwabara could be a real idiot. Why else were they at the hospital, in the Maternity Ward! It's not like Genkai was having a baby. If they were going to be in the hospital for her, they would be in the Geriatric Crisis Center!
"Shizuru's having the baby?" Kuwabara shouted in disbelief, as he shot up out of his chair.
"Just shut up, Kuwabara!" Yusuke yelled. He had had enough of Kuwabara's stupidity for a day, or a lifetime. Giving up on the doofus, he turned to sweet Yukina. "Which do you think it is?"
"I really hope it's a girl," Yukina said sweetly and smiled.
"Then, I say it's a girl, too!" Kuwabara said. He sat back down again.
"Two girls versus one boys. Gotcha!" Yusuke said. "Well, I'm off!"
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With that said, he walked away in the direction of the forever talkative Keiko and Botan. He took a seat in the empty chair next to Keiko and, sly as a fox, put his arm about her.
"Hey there you sexy thing. Want to get together later and have some fun?" he said smoothly, as he winked, to get his meaning of "fun" across.
"See what I mean? It's all men want!" Botan exclaimed. "They're such pigs!"
"Hey! I may eat a lot, but I am no pig!" Yusuke yelled defensively.
"Aww!" Keiko said. She proceeded in pinching Yusuke's cheek. "But, you're a cute pig, Yusuke!"
Yusuke's only response was to glare. Women could be really annoying sometimes, and this was one of those times.
"Why are you bugging us anyway, Yusuke?" Botan inquired, not looking or sounding too happy.
"I just wanted to know the experienced mother's point of view of child birth," Yusuke answered. He focused the camera's attention on Keiko and away from an angered Botan, "What do you have to say, honey?"
"Childbirth is a natural and beautiful miracle that all women should experience," Keiko said pleasantly.
"Yeah and it hurts like hell! Men are such inconsiderate low lives that wouldn't know true pain if it slapped them across the face and left a burning scar!" Botan cried out. Everyone in the waiting room fell silent and stared at Botan, who sank down into her seat, blushing with embarrassment.
"Ook. Someone's irritated..." Yusuke said, quietly. "Probably still mad about me spying on her... Ha! At least I have blackmail now!"
"Before I go," Yusuke continued saying. "do you say it's a boy or a girl?" He focused the camera dead on Keiko and Botan.
"Well, statistics say that this generation of babies will have a ratio of 2 girls to every 1 boy. Therefore, I would have to say it's a girl," Keiko said, sounding sure of herself.
"No more watching the news for you!" Yusuke said, pointing at Keiko. "And, Botan?"
"It'll probably end up being a boy and growing up to be an egotistic moron," Botan said carelessly as she slumped back into the cushioned chair. "It'll keep the pig-headed sex in supply."
"Uh...well, I'm going to go talk to the other's. Bye!" Yusuke said quickly and raced in the other direction. Botan's bitter attitude had made him feel unwelcome. "Does she hold a grudge or what!"
------------
In an empty corner of the waiting room, Yusuke approached Shizuru, who was still looking through magazines, and Hiei, who was half asleep with his head resting in his hand. At that very moment, a balding elderly man in a hospital gown walked by Hiei, allowing him to see a little too much. Automatically, Hiei's eyes widened and he looked like he had just been slapped across the face.
"You probably see a lot of butts around here. They need to make gowns that don't leave you so exposed, don't you agree?" Yusuke said.
Hiei is a man who needs few words to get an idea across. He simply glared at Yusuke, causing a chill to go up Yusuke's spine. Only one thing scarier than the wrath of Keiko was the wrath of an angered Hiei.
"What do you want, Yusuke?" Shizuru said exasperated, as she put her magazine down.
"Just wanted to know if you thought the baby's going to be a boy or girl," Yusuke answered.
"It's a girl," Shizuru said, sounding very sure of herself and glanced back down at her magazine. "I have a sixth sense about these things."
"And you, Hiei?"
"Hn," was the only word the fire demon could conjure up. He folded his arms and looked straight forward.
Without looking up, Shizuru translated for Hiei, "He means it's a boy."
"Whoa! You can speak Hiei-nese!" Yusuke exclaimed sarcastically.
"No, but he always has to choose the opposite of me," Shizuru said. "Thinks he knows everything when he doesn't." She glanced over at the sulking Hiei.
"Uh-oh!" Yusuke said, with a big, fake smile. "Are you two fighting? Should I call Dr. Phil?" He said this all too happily.
"Yusuke, go play hide and go screw yourself. I am in no mood for your childish antics," Hiei growled.
"Is someone PMSing?" Yusuke said, pointing his finger. "Need some Midol? I would ask Keiko. She always has some."
Hiei was getting fed up with Yusuke for the second time that day. He knew he was in public, so he couldn't chase Yusuke around. Children were everywhere, so he couldn't curse him out either. Dammit! He couldn't do the two things he did when he was mad. Instead, he resorted to an obscene hand gesture.
This gesture set off a signal in Yusuke's head. He had better stop annoying Hiei, or he wouldn't be annoying anyone anymore.
"I better be off!" Yusuke said hastily, turning to leave. "Just remember that you guys are next!" He pointed at Shizuru's stomach and quickly took off before he could get himself into any more trouble.
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Now a safe distance from the fire demon and his impregnated mistress, Yusuke began to look around for his next victim. He had already taken care of Shizuru, Hiei and the two Chatty Cathies (aka Keiko and Botan). Wait a second... Had it just been his imagination, or had Genkai and Puu been in the waiting room before? Because now, they were gone.
"Yo, Keiko!" Yusuke practically screamed across the white washed room. Obviously, this caught some attention and people began to stare. "Where did the hag and the bird sneak off to?"
"Yusuke, don't yell in a hospital. It's inconsiderate. Some people have dying relatives here," Keiko whispered sharply, as she got up and walked closer to him. "Genkai and Puu went to the cafeteria, in case you were wondering."
"I'm off! To infinity and beyond!" Yusuke exclaimed, disturbing the silence again. He went off down a random hallway that looked like it might lead to the cafeteria.
------20 minutes later------
Yusuke had been up and down the hallways and had even rode the elevator a few times. The hospital was so complex and confusing. Every hallway looked exactly the same! Now, he hadn't the slightest idea what wing or what floor he was on. In other words, he was lost!
He made a left turn into another miscellaneous hallway with a sign saying 'Mentally Disabled Ward' pointing down it. Maybe Genkai and Puu had been hit in the heads with two-by-fours and had lost all sense of who they were. And now, this is where they were being hospitalized... or detained.
Yusuke continued to walk down the white, sterile hallway. There was no one in sight, except for an old, freckled man in a hospital gown who seemed to be limping. As he walked, he looked like he was muttering to himself. What he was saying,
Yusuke didn't want to know. It seemed more like the Mentally Insane Ward... This man scared Yusuke. Maybe it was time to get out of here!
Quick as lightning, Yusuke pivoted on his feet and took off in the opposite direction. He may be lost, but he wasn't stupid! That crazy old man could have lunged at him and taken him down. They should pad locks all of those insane people in their rooms!
Now that he was out of the "danger" zone, Yusuke slowed down from a sprint to a walk. Now where was he? He looked up at the sign ahead. It read 'Cafeteria'. He stopped dead in his tracks. Finally, he had made it!
Once inside of the cafeteria, Yusuke looked through the sea of hungry doctors, nurses, elderly and other patients waiting in line for food or taking seats. Out of all the hussle and bussle, he heard a very distinct "PUU!" come from the far corner. Who else would make a noise, but Puu? He followed the noise and soon saw Genkai and Puu, sitting at a table.
Yusuke approached the table and sat down right next to Genkai, who was just beginning to attack the food on her tray. Puu was sitting on the table, looking at the food as if hoping for a bit to fly up and into his mouth.
"What do you want, dimwit?" Genkai said, carelessly. She didn't even bother to look up from her gaze on the tray.
"Oh... nothing," Yusuke said. He looked down at her tray. What he assumed was meat loaf, mashed potatoes and jello was on it. "Are you really going to eat that? It looks like a squirrel that crawled in a hole and died!"
"I'm only eating the jello," Genkai said matter-of-factly. "Puu can eat the rest." She held up a forkful of the meat loaf to Puu. Puu sniffed it and turned his head away. "Or not..."
Before anyone could say anything else, an old man wearing a red cardigan and glasses came over to the table. He seemed to be looking at Genkai in a way that would make you think he was checking her out. He took a seat across the table from her and stared.
"Hey there, pretty lady," he said in an old geezer-ish voice. When he opened his mouth, it was apparent that he only had half of his teeth. "How are you doing today?"
"Just fine," Genkai said irritably while glaring at the old man.
"What do you say we get together sometime and make some magic happen?" the old pervert tried to say slyly, but failed miserably. He winked at her as well. (Eww...Gross!)
"When sheep say moo!" Genkai exclaimed. Her anger was boiling up inside of her. She hated being bugged by stupid low lives, like this desperate guy.
Finally, she decided that enough had been enough. Quickly, she stood up and grabbed for the old man's arm. She began to twist it, causing him to yelp in pain.
"Ooh! You're a feisty one, just how I like 'em," the old fogey said. He was so perverted! Genkai twisted his arm more at this comment.
"I sure am," Genkai said with a smirk. Letting go of his wrist, she forked up a good amount of the meatloaf and proceeded in chucking it into the man's face. "And there's more where that came from!"
The old man whipped the meatloaf and the red sauce off of his face. "Well... Call me!" With that, he was gone.
"Grandma's wanted by the men! Especially the sick perverts," Yusuke said, while cracking up. He had gotten the whole thing on tape! This was priceless. He could watch it over and over, or send it into America's Funniest Home Videos and get 100 grand. "Should I call him Grandpa?"
"The meatloaf may be gone, but I still have the mashed potatoes ready to aim and fire..." Genkai said, while picking up her spoon and looking at Yusuke threateningly.
"Alright, alright. I'll shut up," Yusuke said, giving in. "But I would like to know if you think it's a boy or girl."
"Hmm... I'll go with boy," Genkai said, not putting too much thought or care into her response.
"And you, Puu?"
"PUU! PUUUUU! Puu!"
A sweat drop formed on Yusuke's head. He didn't know Puu-ese. "Uhh...I'll take that as an 'undecided'... I better go anyway! I'm out like a trout on a fishing pole!" He got up out of his seat and walked out of the cafeteria.
"That's four versus four and one undecided," Yusuke said to the camera. "Let's go venture on over to the play room to check on Kurama and the kiddies."
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As Yusuke was wandering aimlessly through the hospital, feeling lost yet again, he spotted Koenma in the distance. He turned the camera and filmed Koenma, who was beating up the vending machine.
"Give! -bang- Me! -bang- My! -bang- COFFEE! -bang, bang, bang!-" Koenma exclaimed in between beatings. It seemed hopeless. Therefore, he banged his head on the machine instead of his fist.
"Taking a coffee break, I see?" Yusuke said, now behind the desperate Koenma.
"Give me my damn coffee!" Koenma yelled. Kicking the machine one more time, he turned around and looked at Yusuke.
He looked horrible. Dark circles and bags were around his eyes. His hair was all over the place and his face just seemed to droop down, down, down.
"How's the birthing process going anyway?" Yusuke asked.
"How do you think?" Koenma said. He help up both of his hands. They were bandaged up from being squeezed too hard.
"Eh, you'll get used to it," Yusuke said, making it sound like it was nothing. "First time's a pain in the ass."
"And the second time?" Koenma inquired.
"Oh, it's STILL a pain in the ass. In fact, it can sometimes be worse," Yusuke said, waving his hand in the air as if it were nothing.
"But, Ayame wants 10 kids! I can't do this without COFFEE!" Koenma cried out. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. Yusuke couldn't help but feel sorry for the prince.
"Then, just get a soda. It had caffeine, too," Yusuke said, pointing to the soda machine.
Without another word, Koenma raced over to the soda machine and bought several cans of caffeinated beverages.
"We should have a father to father talk. I can give you some valuable advice," Yusuke said, pointing his finger and looking at Koenma, who was busy gulping down soda.
"Ok...?" Koenma said, unsure of how to respond.
"Don't ever call her fat. Women are over emotional, especially when they're pregnant... You have had fair warning," Yusuke said, in all seriousness. "And another thing. Never give your kid a golf club."
"Huh?" Koenma said, looking perplexed. He took another gulp of soda.
"Just don't. I've had some bad experiences," Yusuke replied. While he said this, images of Hisashi chasing him with a golf club and having a bad outcome came to mind. (Refer to Chapter One.)
"Uh... Thanks, I guess," Koenma said, still sounding confused. Yusuke could be completely random and weird sometimes... and this was one of those times.
"Oh, yeah! Do you have any preference for the kid? Boy or Girl?" Yusuke asked, holding the camera right up into Koenma's exhausted face.
"Do you think I care at this point!" Koenma exclaimed. "I just want it out!" Once again, he looked like he was going to break down and cry. This baby was really bringing his stress level higher than usual. Yes, he could run Spirit World, but he couldn't handle child birth? Go figure! At least, he wasn't the one having the baby.
"Go get 'em, champ!" Yusuke said reassuringly, as he slapped Koenma on the back.
Letting out a long sigh, Koenma then proceeded in walking down the hall, back to the room he would call "Hell."
"He should be ok... maybe," Yusuke said, doubtfully. "I just hope Ayame's taking this better than him... I should go check on the kids and Kurama now."
Once again, Yusuke picked a random hallway and went down it, hoping it led to the playroom.
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After being directed by several nurses and seeing a few too many butts, Yusuke finally spotted something of interest to him in the distance. It was a sign reading 'Play Room'. His pace quickened into a run.
"I have finally found it! Huzzah!" Yusuke exclaimed and jumped for joy. He then opened the door and walked in.
The room looked like it had come straight out of a fairy tale. On the walls were murals of flying dragons, intricate castles, damsels in distress, knights in shining armor and so on. You name the fairy tale, you could find it on the wall. Shelves and boxes of toys and books were everywhere. At least 30 kids had to be sprawling out on the carpeted floor, playing with everything from coloring books to toy trucks. Yusuke spotted some familiar faces and went over to them.
Chisami and Tamae were sitting on the floor playing with a dollhouse. Nearby, Hisashi was lying on the floor, reading a book about cars.
"Hey kids," Yusuke said. They all looked up and him.
"Hey Daddy!" Tamae exclaimed, as she jumped up and hugged him legs.
"Did she have it yet? I'm bored!" Hisashi said.
"Nope. These things can take awhile," Yusuke replied. "In fact, I came here to ask you it you thought it was a girl or a boy."
"It's a girl!" Tamae exclaimed.
"Yeah! A girl!" Chisami agreed. "Girls are better. Boys are stupid!" She glared over at Hisashi.
"Then, I say it's a boy!" Hisashi yelled angrily.
Aww... They sound like an old married couple. Yusuke thought.
"Daddy, where do babies come from anyway?" Tamae asked. Her usual questioning look was on her face. She was just like every naive little girl, she yearned to know the truth.
"Umm...Ask mommy," Yusuke said. A sweat drop formed on his head. He was not going to give his kids the 'Birds and the Bees' talk. "She'll want to tell you." This topic was more of Keiko's expertise.
"But, I want you to tell me!" Tamae whined. She put on her cute puppy dog face, as Yusuke turned away. No one could deny that face. She had learned it from the best.
"I'll tell you!" Chisami yelled, as she wildly waved her arm in the air.
Yusuke's eyes widened. She wouldn't dare...
"They come from storks!"
Yusuke let out a sigh of relief.
"Nuh-uh!" Hisashi argued.
Hold on! Did Hisashi know all about these things?
"They come from kissing!"
Apparently, he didn't. Yusuke had nothing to worry about.
"Then how come my parents only have one kid?" Chisami asked, looking puzzled. "And where's my daddy anyway?" She looked around the room, as did everyone else.
Yusuke caught sight of flaming red hair in the far right corner and went over to it. Kurama was surrounded by a group of five or six little, giggling girls. Geez, Kurama really knew how to entertain the ladies, no matter their age.
"Kurama! I don't think Botan would like to hear about you messing with little girls!" Yusuke yelled.
Kurama looked up at him.
When he saw Kurama, Yusuke's eyes widened. He put his hand over his mouth to try and keep himself from laughing.
Hastily, he filmed the scene with his camera.
Kurama had his hair curled and up in bows. On his face was make up. The scary thing was that he looked like a girl...a really pretty girl. It was only Yusuke's luck that he had his camera to film this historical moment. Can you say, "blackmail"?
"You look pretty!" a little blonde girl yelled and laughing. The rest of the girls laughed as well. Kurama blushed and looked down at the floor... Yusuke continued filming. This was priceless...
"It's a girly man!" Yusuke yelled, as he continued laughing. He was beginning to tear up. "Do you enjoy bows, Kurama?"
"Yusuke! Don't start!" Kurama said, through clenched teeth. He blushed a deeper shade of red. The girls and Yusuke only laughed more.
Soon enough, Hisashi, Chisami and Tamae came over. Once they caught sight of Kurama, they laughed and pointed, too.
"Chisami, I didn't know your dad was a girl!" Hisashi yelled, while laughing.
"Neither did I!" Chisami yelled back.
At that very moment, Keiko came running in the door. She came over to them and completely ignored the fact that Kurama was looking prettier than usual.
"She had the baby! Come with me!" Keiko cried out. Everyone who was a part of the Yu Yu Hakusho crew followed after her.
------20 minutes later, In the Hospital Room------
The whole gang was gathered in the medium sized hospital room. Some were seated, leaning on the wall, or standing. A nurse came into the room, with the baby in her arms. A series of "Aww's" and "Ahhh's" was heard. Yusuke filmed the entire scene.
On the bed, Ayame was sitting up and Koenma was sitting next to her. The baby was placed into Koenma's arms. Everyone's attention was focused on the new bundle of joy, which would soon turn into the bundle of stress and havoc, but let's just celebrate for the moment. The family of three, which would maybe someday become twelve, looked very happy.
"Everyone! I want you to meet Emsa," Koenma said, looking down at the baby while smiling.
"Congratulations!" the rest of the gang yelled.
Balloons were brought in and chocolate cigars saying 'It's a Girl!' were handed out. When a cigar was handed to Yusuke, he looked down at it in disappointment.
"Damn! It's not a real cigar!" he said, dissatisfied.
A little ways away, Chisami and Tamae were following Hisashi's example and pretending to smoke the "cigars". Keiko abruptly made them stop.
Yusuke walked over to the bed, where Koenma, the baby and Ayame still were.
"So, it's a girl?" he inquired.
"Yes, Yusuke," Ayame said sweetly, as she held the baby. She looked pretty good for a woman who had just went through the "joys" of child birth. She was still a bit sweaty however and her hair was a mess. No one really seemed to care though.
"Ah! Girls are dominating the world!" Yusuke cried out. "Pretty soon, all of human kind will be lesbians! I shudder at the thought..."
Everyone had stopped talking and celebrating and stared at Yusuke. Keiko walked over and smacked him in the back of the head.
"Ouch! Dammit, Keiko!" Yusuke yelled. He rubbed the back of his head.
Keiko, looking mad, grabbed the camera out of Yusuke's hands. She held it up in front of Yusuke's face.
"Finish up your video!" she ordered.
"It looks like this party's over!" Yusuke said, shrugging. "That's a wrap, folks!"
-The End!-
-tear drop falls down cheek-
A/n- Well... That's it! That's "Home Movies". I hope you all liked it. I know I had a lot of fun writing it. Make sure you review! I would LOVE to get your feedback, one final time. Maybe sometime soon, or when I have time, I'll come out with another story like this one, with the same characters and couplings added in. Thank you for all of your reviews and words of encouragement/praise/etc.! It is appreciated!