Title: "Eleven Years In The Sexuality Of A Friend's Fan."

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with The OC, that's all Josh and Fox, I don't own anything to do with Friends, that's all WB. Seriously, I own nothing; don't even think about suing me because cumulatively I have about twenty-two pence.

Rating: PG

Summary: Uhm, just read and find out.

Author's Note: So, I had a vague idea about writing this, well the first line (from Friends), then I don't know, it's kind of weird and crap. But I will say that up until the mention of first girlfriends, everything in this fic is true (and I know that, because it's autobiographical).

"She didn't know she was a lesbian, how was I supposed to know!" - Ross Geller

I laugh involuntary at the television, although I've seen every episode of Friends, countless times, the sitcom can still make me laugh. It's funny when it first started and I was just a kid, only six years old, I didn't get half of the jokes but still watched at laughed – whether I understood the joke or not. I remember the character of Carol, and the numerous references to lesbianism, I had no idea what a lesbian was, I remember she had a friend, Susan, but in my mind they were only friends. Not lovers, not life-partners, not soul mates, not girlfriend's or whatever you want to call them, they were just friends.

That was when I was six.

My first crush was about the same time, I was in my second year of primary school and I used to get this funny feeling when I was around this certain person. Like I couldn't take my eyes off of them, I used to be completely captivated. I was about six years old and she was about sixteen years old. And she, well she was beautiful, well at least my six year-old self thought so. I remember, she was one of the teachers daughters, so grown up, she used to come into our classroom at the end of the day, waiting for her mum to drive her home. It's funny, I can't remember what she looked like, I've tried so hard to remember, to rack my brains, but I can't remember anything about her face. I do remember one thing though; she always used to tuck her tie into her blouse, between the buttons. Maybe it's not funny, maybe it's just perverted that all I can remember of my first crush is a snapshot of her chest.

That was when I was six and didn't know what a lesbian was, that was my first lesbian-crush.

The rest of my pre-teens were spent trying to fit in. The girls in my class reading "Girl-Talk", then when we were a little older whatever pop-music magazine was available, they used to drool – not-literally – over the heart-throbs, tearing the posters out of the magazines and blue-tacking them to their walls. Not wanting to be an old-ball I did the same.

This was when I was nine, the girls in my class drooling over male celebrities and me, wondering why I thought a particular girl in my class was so amazing.

This girl was destined to be head-girl, she was the epitome of perfect – for a nine year old, and up until she left when she was eleven. She was the oldest in the class, one of the tallest, the smartest girl, one of the most outgoing. She was perfect. Every time I was around her I found myself wanting to kiss her. And I didn't know why.

But I haven't seen her for six and a half years.

When I left for secondary school – an all girls school this time – I suddenly became aware of the female form. There was a girl in my class, who had come from the same primary school as me, she was about nine months older than me. There was this induction and I remember in the sea of faces recognising her, I went over to talk to her. I can't remember seeing her out of school uniform, but there she was standing in her own clothes, I don't know why, but my perverted little eyes were drawn to her chest, her greatly developing chest. And suddenly I became aware of breasts.

So, when I was eleven, I started to see girls in a very different light.

This new perception stayed with me and I soon started to get stronger and stronger feelings for girls. I guess I should backtrack, I never really seemed to feel much for boys, all the girls I went to school with did though, so I did too. I don't know why, but I craved the familiarity of the conformist lifestyle, I longed to fit in.

Secondary school was when I really started to become aware of my sexuality and everything started to click. Going out with friends was the highlight of the week, but as teenage girls do, they started to date or at least lust after men. Whenever we went out, they'd be looking at guys, their eyes seeking datable material or just someone they could drool over. I was easily bored, and whilst my friends were checking out guys, my eyes would wander, and for some strange reason they would always end up on a girl.

When I was thirteen I started to toy with the idea of being a lesbian – a word I had long since learned the meaning of. For about I year I kept my thoughts in my head, just mulling them over. But in the October of 2002 things changed.

I was going to a friends house with a few mates, one of which was my best friend, my best friend, who just got me, you know, for so many years of my life I was on this really weird wave-length – I still am – but she was the first person that I ever found that was on the same random weird plane. We met when she first joined my primary school, when she was eight. We've known each other ever since.

If there was anyone I felt comfortable telling, it was her. She and another close friend had just come over to my house and were going to leave for my other friend's house. My other friend had just gone to the toilet, leaving me and my best friend alone. I knew it was the time to pop out of the closet, so I sat her down and said, "There's something I have to tell you". In all my life I had never been so scared. Then she just deadpanned the words "you're a lesbian". Then, then the best part happened; I laughed, I laughed hard and long. Tears were steaming down my face and my head was aching from the laughter, and I just couldn't stop.

I hadn't realised how scared I was. But I was completely petrified of her reaction. Finally I had managed to calm my hysterics, and I told her she was right. Soon after, I told all my friends, heck after that I told complete strangers who were just curious if I was or not.

When I was fourteen I came out.

I got my first girlfriend when I was sixteen – a complete bitch, but I loved her – well I was sixteen, a pretty smile and a nice pair of tits was love. When I was sixteen I came out to my parents. When I was sixteen my dad threw me out of the house. When I was sixteen I became an emancipated minor.

2004 was a busy year for me.

When I was seventeen I moved to Orange County, and I met a girl, the most amazing person to ever come into my life. When I was seventeen I learned what love was. Everything was just incredible, but we didn't last. And when we broke up it crushed me more than I ever thought possible. And that's when I realised why so many lesbians hate bisexual chicks.

When I was seventeen I learnt what real heartbreak was.

I'm only just eighteen, and I'm only just beginning.

The End