Disclaimer: I do not own Daria and its charactersor Sesshomaru, although I do have a Daria-like attitude on things, so keep your hands and elbows inside the car.
This was a team effort between myself and crazyo3.
Daria and Cousin Keara - Chapter 1
Daria and Jane were walking down the street when Daria broke the silence.
"My cousin Keara is coming to stay with us during the school year."
"Is she being punished?" Jane asked.
"Her father is worried about her anti-social behavior, in other words, he's worried she'll become me." Daria said in a dry tone.
"So her punishment for being herself is to live with a crazy father, a workaholic mom, and a fashion fiend." Jane said.
"Yeah, I guess the plan is to overload her on weirdness and she will magically become normal again." Daria replied.
"So they want her to be normal, why send her to Lawndale?" Jane asked.
"Maybe we're really on a hell mouth and she is the vampire slayer sent here to save us." Daria said.
"So where are we going Daria?" Jane asked.
"My house. Mom and Dad have gone to the airport to retrieve my cousin, and Quinn and the fashion Vikings have gone to the mall to raid it." Daria said.
"What should we do this afternoon?" Jane asked.
Daria replies, "We could watch Sick Sad World because they're doing a story on breast implants for chickens."
"Alright. I'll pop some popcorn." Jane said as they entered the house.
2 hours later, Daria and Jane are still watching TV when Daria's parents arrive home with Keara.
"We're home!" Helen says. Jake meanwhile, walked in the door with Keara's suitcases. Followed by him was Keara carrying a regular bag. Helen calls Quinn downstairs, and a minute later, Quinn comes downstairs with her usual fashion complaints. Helen smacks Quinn and tells her to shut up and say hello to her cousin. But Quinn doesn't say hi. Instead she says, "Ew, what's that on your shirt?" Keara was wearing a black shirt with a picture of Sesshomaru on it. Without saying a word, Keara quickly punched Quinn in the nose. Helen immediately shouted, "Keara! Why did you do that?"
Keara replies, "No one says my sex god is an Ew thing!" Jane and Daria smile at each other. Meanwhile, Quinn is going nuts. "My beautiful face!"
"Wow, I thought her ego was stronger than that." Daria said. Jane then replied, "Damn it! I forgot my camera!" Jake is at a loss for words as usual and nobody is helping Quinn yet. Helen then decides it's probably just jet lag to explain why her bitchy daughter got punched and says, "You're probably tired after a long trip. Let me show you to your room." Keara replies, "You're not gonna make me sleep in the basement? God bless you Aunt Helen, God bless you!" All 3 of them then head upstairs. Jane says after a little bit of silence, "I think I like your cousin, Daria. She rocks!"
"Anyone that punches that bitch out is a friend in my book." Daria said. Meanwhile, Quinn is still on the ground writhing in pain.
The next day, Daria, Keara and Jane are walking down the street, filling Keara in about the school's many characters. Keara is writing everything down in her notebook. They enter the school together and are immediately greeted by Kevin and Brittany. Brittany says in her high-pitched, annoying voice, "Hi, Daria, Jane, who's that?"
"This is my clone, Keara." Daria said. Both of them went, "Wow….." Kevin popped in, "A thought just popped into my head!"
"Oh! That explains the beads of sweat." Jane said.
"Don't bother." says Keara as they walk away, leaving Kevin and Brittany very confused. After showing her around the school, they show her to her locker. Keara opened it and began putting various pictures of Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, and Yuki up in it. Jane and Daria just stared at her in amazement until she pulled out a box with a cross in it.
"What's that for?" Jane asked. Keara looked at her, smiled and said, "I'm worried about the Fashion fiends. I thought this would help."
"You would need a bucket of holy water to use on those fashion demons." Daria said. Quinn and the Fashion Club walked past at that moment and Keara looked like she wanted to douse them but Daria shook her head. Keara, with disappointment in her face shut her locker and the three of them walked off to Mr. Demartino's class. As usual, he's pissed off for no apparent reason, his eye bulging out after every sentence. Out of nowhere, he shouts, "We have a new student with us. Keara, stand up! Introduce yourself!" Keara did as she was told, stood up, turned around and faced the class. "Hi, my name is Keara and that's all you need to know." She then sits back down and faces the teacher, who glares at her.
"Don't you want to say a little MORE about yourself?" Mr. Demartino shouted. Keara, unfazed by his yelling quietly said, "No, I don't."
"WHY not?" he yelled again. Keara replies, "I don't want to make a show of this." He glares at her even harder and shouts, "DAMN it, Just DO IT!"
"No." Keara replied calmly as he got even angrier.
"JUST DO IT!" he shouted.
"You know what? You need to get laid." Keara said. The whole class, including Daria and Jane, was at a loss for words. So was Mr. Demartino, who looked too shocked to say anything else as he went to his desk, put his head down and cried. The bell rings and everybody walks out. In the hallway, Jane is complimenting Keara on bringing down the evil tyrant.
"You're a cool person." Daria said. Keara smiled as they walked into Mr. O'Neil's class. Mr. O' Neil is in his usual annoying, chipper mood. "Good morning class, we have a new student today. Keara, please stand up and introduce yourself." Keara stands up, turns to the class and says, "My name is Keara, I'm from Hell, Michigan. I'm 16 and I'm pretty sure I'm human, I think." and she sits down. Mr. O'Neil nods and says, "You have the same last name as Daria. Are you related?" "We're cousins, on Uncle Jake's side." Keara says. The class reaction is "Ooh" Brittany says in her annoying voice, "You're cousins? Really, how?" "Brittany, we talked about that this morning. How'd you forget about that already?" Daria said. "Hmm, let me think about this." Brittany said. Jane popped in, "Brittany, no, you may use the last of your brain cells!" Brittany goes, "Oh, ok."
They're sitting in Jane's room after school, Jane is at her easel painting a picture of Demartino crying at his desk with a woodpecker pecking at his head. Keara is watching her, fascinated at what she's doing and Daria is reading a book. Jane broke the silence and asked Keara, "What do you think of Lawndale so far?" Keara replies, "The school is full of idiots, brain-dead jocks and cheerleaders, and evil cults worshipping the fashion gods. Just like my old school. It's like I never moved." Jane says, "Ah, you really are a Morgandorffer. The door opens suddenly and Trent walks in. "Janey, have you seen my guitar pick?" "Whoa! Who are you?" Keara asked. Trent looks at her in amazement and asks the same question. So Daria took the initiative to introduce them. "Trent, Keara. Keara, Trent." "Hey." They both said to each other. "Ok, Janey, tell me if you found my guitar pick. And Keara, nice t-shirt. It's cool." Trent said, and walks out of the room. Keara was blushing and said, "Wow, he's hot!" Daria says, "Down, girl. Don't make me turn the hose on you." And Keara began to blush some more.
Keara and Daria get back as soon as dinner is about to begin. Helen gets up and begins to ask Keara about her first day at school. "Nothing really happened, it was a boring day." she lied. Helen raises her eyebrow and says, "Oh, really, the phone call from Ms. Li says otherwise. Keara! How could you say that to a teacher?" Keara, without showing any remorse, said, "Someone had to. If not me, then who?" Helen glares at her and says, "We have a meeting with the principal after school tomorrow. You be there." Keara goes, "Why?" "Because, we will not have that kind of behavior under our roof. Understand me young lady?" Helen said in her so called "loving" tone. "Sure, whatever." Keara said as she sat down at the table. It was chicken strip night with macaroni and cheese. Jake was complaining that he lost another client, damn it. Quinn, as usual was talking on the phone about stretch pants and fashion. Other than this, the dinner was eaten in silence, until Quinn said the words that got her face slammed into the plate. "The girl I live with wore another ugly Sesshomaru shirt. I mean, Ew, look at him, he's not even pretty!" BAM! Keara reached over the table, grabbed Quinn's head, and slammed it into the plate, then grabbed the phone and said, "Quinn can't talk now. She's eating." and Keara hung up the phone, then went back to eating her food. Helen looked shocked, Jake didn't know what to say, and Daria didn't care. "Oww." Quinn said. Keara looked up from her plate and said, "What? What did I do this time?" Nothing was said for a minute until Helen got up, grabbed Keara by the arm, and dragged her to her room, yelling things like, "You're grounded. But it can't be official until you go to Family Court." Meanwhile, at the table, Daria got up and said, "This is the best dinner we ever had. Let's hope this happens again." Daria and Jake got up and left the table, again leaving Quinn to do the dishes, since it was her blood on the plate.