Yami's koi: well, here it is… the eighteenth (?) chapter of Hikari Suicide! I'm actually quite surprised at this update, but OH WELL!

Nefertiri: she doubts, btw, that there will be two more chapters left in this. That's partially why this is so late in coming out. She can't let go… aww…

Yami's koi: I knew exactly where to go from it since, like, chapter three… but still. To think, this fic has been out for about a year now… it makes me feel so old. A lot of crazy shit has happened since then… I got my ears re-pierced, my belly pierced, a tattoo, my Mom's second divorce, third love of her life moving in, getting a job, a lot of writing, getting an email friend, my birthday, a Christmas, a lot of fresh scars, changes to my sexuality, taking a fist drag of a cigarette, my split with my boyfriend last night… Well, till the end of the chap, then! Hope ya enjoy this instalment!

I release a lot of energy as he utters the Egyptian word 'Diaha.' Whilst this Duel may be being played on the borders of our minds, we can still see each other, and what energy is being released… all from owning a Millennium Item.

Marik does not hold back, or hesitate. His attack is more straight forwards than subtle, and I am, for a moment, left stunned. Shaking the temporary paralysis from my body, I re-focus my mind on the Shadow Game. For in this game, generally… it if the person who loses focus first than the person with the least energy.

My body feels suddenly weak as a lot of my energy escapes me. It thunders towards Marik swiftly, but then, whilst some of it attacks him directly, some of it swirls behind him, striking him simultaneously. He jerks forwards for a moment, before regaining his stance.

Marik's eyes widen, before I note a great lack of energy from his Rod being emitted. Then, as if I had thought too soon, a blinding light forces me to close my eyes. The next time I open them, I am flying through the air, my back slamming into the wall. I fall to the ground, crumpled.

Without much regard for what it would do to me, I immediately stand up, a wave of dizziness crashing over me. I almost lose my balance, but reach an arm out to steady myself against the wall.

"Are you ready for more, little one?" Marik asks, and I predict what he's about to do. He does not wait for me to answer him, and just hurls more Shadow energy at me.

Using the Millennium Ring, I create myself a vast defence shield, cancelling out all of Marik's attacks. Sometimes, I feel my legs shake, but I ignore it and carry on maintaining the shield. I know that this is a risky stratagem, but what else can I do? The Pharaoh had a very difficult time in defeating Marik in Battle City… and he is much stronger than I am.

I lower my eyes, knowing what is to come. I am going to lose.

"You're only as weak as you feel."

A refreshing, familiar voice washed through my head, and I shiver. That sounded so much like Bakura's voice… and, in my slight confusion, I allow the shield to waver a little… and Marik uses this to his advantage.

"So, bastard, you're finally cracking up, are you?" Marik gloats, using his rod to shatter my defences. I release a loud scream, and find myself pressed against the wall again… but this time, I do not fall. He's using his Shadow Magic to increase the amount of pressure on my body, so much that I feel myself suffocating. My chest can barely move, the pressure is so intense.

"Now, DIE!" Marik howls, giving one last increase. I release a loud cry, and finally understand what Bakura – I mean, what the memory – was trying to tell me.

This started because people stole away my self-esteem, the belief in myself. I may not have great esteem – and I am sick of so many people referring to it like it matters so much – but if Bakura thinks I am strong… then I can do it.

I can touch my Millennium Ring. It's easy… my arm's being crushed into my stomach, so all I need to do is lift it up slightly. My fingers twitch, and they stretch, just touching the surface of it. They curl around the gold circular part, and I smile in triumph. I yank it towards me, and I concentrate solely on freezing Marik's mind. My eyebrows furrow in frustration when he wavers, but does not allow me enough decrease in energy to drop me to the floor.

Then I take a more frontal approach. It's been the most obvious weak point on the man from the start, and I scold myself for not thinking of this sooner. I stare at the bastard's luckily clothed crotch… and a few moments later, he howls in agony.

This gives me a large enough chance to drop to the ground, regain whatever energy I had almost wasted.

From within my pocket, I find a Duel Monster card. I stare at it, beaming happily. I hold it out before my eyes and, also thinking about the person whom I wish to destroy… I mean, injure… the creature materialises before me.

"Diabound! Go forth!" I scream, pointing at Marik frantically. Bakura's evil spirit hurls itself towards Marik's defenceless, almost paralysed body, and an immense spiral wave shoots from its outstretched hand, and I shield my gaze from the force of the attack. It's breathtaking.

I hear one final, panicked yell… and then, silence. Diabound's attack ceases, and I am left, staring through a cloud of dust… at the fallen, almost crumpled up form of Marik Ishtar. He does not move, or make a sound. I lower the Ring, knowing that I have won.

Fallen… crumpled… unmoving… oh shit…

Have I just… killed Marik?

Bakura

I open my front door without hesitation. It's only Yugi and the Pharaoh, what is there to be afraid of? Sure, Yami might be pissed because I hit Yugi, but the little brat deserved it. Feeling so sorry for himself, just because he can't face what he did… well, what good will that do? It doesn't change anything, so why bother wasting time doing that? At least, that's my approach to things. I have a very realistic way of life, and so get impatient easily when others… well, don't see sense.

"So much for the welcome home party," I mutter, neither seeing nor hearing anyone greeting me. I walk into the living room and, sure enough, the Mutou's are there.

"Hello!" I say merrily, waving over-excitedly. If they want to pretend that what I said never happened, then so be it. I won't complain.

Yami, however, seems to have other ideas. He raises an eyebrow.

"You're soaking," He comments as he stares at my body, handing me a towel, "Get changed and warm up, you'll get yourself a cold in those wet clothes."

Now it's my turn to look like an idiot. I stare at the Game King, blinking several times before actually moving. He cares about me just a little bit, then. Yugi hasn't said anything, probably still thinking about what I said to him, but I prefer things that way.

I go into my room and find some fresh clothes… some that don't make me look like I'm a widow, but nothing too happy-looking, either. So I settle with black jeans and a white shirt, representing perfectly what Ryou and me were to each other. Irony, eh?

I head back downstairs, towel-drying my hair as I go. As I did when I raided tombs, I put my trust in my feet to guide me. I successfully reach the bottom of the stairs without falling over, and lower the towel as I walk into the living room.

They say nothing when I enter, so I take a seat and let the silence drag on for a while.

"Where did you go, Bakura?" The Pharaoh asks, finally deciding to break the eerie quietness of the house. It broke the tension somewhat as well, and for that, I am grateful.

"To the park, and from there… into my memory," I answer, recalling the reason why the happy mood was broken for a few moments when Ryou and me had been at the very same park. I try not to let it bother me too much – I need someone to talk to, even if it is my 'sworn enemy.'

Yami nods. "What did you think about?"

I sigh, trying not to show my exasperation. What else could I possibly be thinking about!

"Ryou," I answer calmly, concluding that snapping at him wouldn't really have been wise. My body shivers at the sound of the heavily falling rain outside, and I am ever more conscious of the cool wetness that my hair is giving me. I begin to dry my hair again, just as Yugi decides to speak up.

"I miss him, Bakura."

I lower the towel and stare at him. He sounds truly upset, and I feel all of my previous anger dissipate. His amethyst orbs are lowered to the floor, cheeks pale, the area under his eyes dark. I can't help but believe him.

"I know." I respond quietly, assuring him that everyone else does too. "But Ra and Osiris doubt that he will have to be there for much longer."

At this, I can feel Yami's curiosity being sparked. He leans forwards in his chair, stroking Yugi's locks with one hand.

"Where is he, Bakura? What have they done to him?"

I smile sorrowfully, pity washing through my being as I recall what the Gods said.

"Settle down. This might take some explaining," I pause. With a deep, calming breath, I continue.

Ryou

I stare at Marik's body in utter horror. I slowly approach it, seeing a thin line of blood ooze from the side of his head. My foot slowly rises, and nudges his side gingerly. His body does not resist, his lips unmoving. My eyes widen further, tears gathering in the chocolate-brown orbs.

I… have killed Marik.

I hear another groan behind me, and I whirl around. It is Mokuba… and he is struggling to get to his feet. After several vain attempts, he simply leans against the wall, sitting.

"What… was that? What… what have you… done?" He asks, seemingly perplexed. I don't answer him – I can't. Just hearing myself say that I have killed – no, murdered – Marik is something that I am not yet ready to face.

Instead of admitting to what I have done, instead of facing up to it like a man, I back away from Mokuba, Millennium Ring still in hand. I do not wish to, but I will use it if necessary.

Then, I hear a small click behind me. I whirl around, expecting it to be the spirit form of either Ra or Osiris, and I am faced with a concerned-looking officer.

"Are you the person who called?"

I slowly nod. I can't speak; my throat has gone numb from resisting the urge to cry. He jerks his head, gesturing behind me at both Mokuba… and the prostate figure of Marik on the floor.

Before he can question me, a paramedic appears from behind him. I press myself against the wall so that she can pass, and I watch fearfully as she reaches down to touch Marik's neck, searching for a pulse. She glances up at me, nodding.

"He has a pulse, but he is very weak. We will need to take him into our care for now."

Oh my… Marik is alive! OH MY GOD, YES! I DIDN'T KILL HIM! I'M NOT A MURDERER! I AM OKAY, I'M NOT LIKE HIM! FUCKING HELL, IF HE EVER DARES TO COME BACK AND KILL ME, THEN AT LEAST I KNOW I WILL KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE! HA, HA! HELL, WHY AM I CELEBRATING, HE DESERVES TO DIE, BUT NEVER MIND, I'M TOO INSANELY HAPPY AT THE MOMENT…

"And… what about Mokuba?" I ask, trying not to let my happiness – and relief – show. She moves towards the startled young man, but before she can get there, she releases a panicked scream.

"A… A GUN!" She shrieks, pointing at the weapon still held loosely between Mokuba's fingers, "KAMI-SAMA!"

"Mr… Ryou, is it? Would you care to tell me what has happened here?" The Officer questions, turning my attention back to him. Now it's time for the truth.

"Well… Seto Kaiba was taken in today… and…" I pretend to sound upset, sniffing deeply. I think about Bakura, and my eyes immediately water. "And… he asked me to… l-look after M-Mokuba, and…"

"Here, son, calm down now," He soothes, gently persuading me to come into one of the side rooms, out of sight of Marik and Mokuba. He produces a notebook, taking down things. "In your own time, son… It's all over now, you're safe."

I sniff loudly in response, concentrating hard on Bakura… and a tear falls down my cheek, promptly.

"I came o-over, and… he said h-he'd shot Seto… and h-his lover, and Shizuka, J-Jou's sister… and then… and then he… h-he came at me with that gun, and… he threatened to kill me…"

"All right son, well done for telling me that," He says calmly, his voice full of sympathy. "Let's not talk about that anymore, shall we? Now… do you know who the other person is?" He presses gently, making more notes.

"Y-yes…" I stammer, surprised at how well I am pulling this off, "He… We met two days before, a-and… he stabbed m-me… h-here…" I pull my shirt up slightly, and show him my scar. He frowns, and writes faster.

"Did you report him?"

I shake my head frantically. If I keep this up, I can get Marik in some serious shit… heh… I never did like him that much, anyway.

"N-No… he said h-he'd kill me if… if he found out I…" I let go of the bottom of my shirt, still recalling the feel of Bakura's lips on mine before I died. I screw my face up slightly, trying not to release a howl of misery.

"And then… today, he s-said that… him and h-his boyfriend had split up, a-and it was m-my fault, and he wanted revenge… A-and… he tried to kill me, so I-I pushed him… s-self defence, y-you know? I… I think he hit his shoulder on s-something, on a pressure p-point…"

The Officer rests a hand on my arm now, smiling kindly.

"It's all right, son. He won't be able to hurt you anymore."

Bakura

I lean back in my chair, a painful lump in the back of my throat. It's partially from speaking for a long time, partially from the memories dragged up from saying what I just have done.

The Pharaoh's narrowed eyes are questioning me… he definitely does not believe me. I smirk at him.

"It seems, at least, that you need some more convincing. All right…" I take the Ring from around my neck, running my fingers over its smooth, cool surface. I swallow, and mutter an Egyptian Incantation. I know that Ryou only needs to think of them and he is with them, but I must do this… man, talk about favouritism. I've probably screwed up half of what I just said; anyway… it's been too long, I think, since I last needed to speak Ancient Egyptian. In class, it used to kind of annoy Ryou, because the Pharaoh and me wrote notes to each other in Egyptian, and…

Ah. Sorry… I don't want to think about Ryou, but I know that I will continue to do so until he solves this… well, puzzle, if you will. If he sees through the illusion, cruel and evil as it is.

Despite making at least one error, Osiris and Ra appear before me. I sense Yugi shrink back slightly, and the uke (or, from what I can gather) laughs.

"Don't worry!" Osiris laughs, "We won't hurt you. We're just here to confirm what Bakura just said…"

Yami's eyes widen, and I inwardly laugh.

HA! YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, JUST BECAUSE I WAS GONNA ROB YOUR TOMB WHEN YOU DIED IN ANCIENT EGYPT, HEE, HEE, HEE…. Whoa… steady now, Bakura. You can't lose your sanity yet, not when Ryou's about to come home any moment…

"Yes, I agree," Ra says, startling me. My own eyes widen then, and my back straightens so fast even Yami cringed at the cracking sound it made.

"You mean-?"

"Oh, yes," Ra nods, smiling, "He will have cracked the code soon enough… I doubt it will be another day now. He will return to you, Bakura."

I give out a very fake laugh – like the one a vain teenager gives when she hears her boyfriend's best friend telling her that it's over.

"Wow… thanks… taken you long enough to give him a break though…" I mutter, pushing my luck ever so slightly.

Osiris gives me a wary look. "You know something, in the space of five thousand years… you haven't changed one bit, Bakura."

I give him a lopsided grin, only one side of my mouth curving up mischievously. "I know."

Ra has been eyeing Yugi for some time now, and I know that the little hikari is blushing without even looking at him directly. The Pharaoh's eyes are slightly glazed, so I know that they are speaking.

"Oh, and there is one other small thing that Ryou has found out about you, Bakura," Ra begins, not taking his eyes away from the alter ego of Yami, curious.

"He has a third nipple?" Yami tried immediately, failing to be funny. I don't even bother giving him a warning look. The news that the Gods have just given me has affected me too much to bother chasing after small fry such as him.

"Go on."

Ra finally turns to face me… I think he wishes to see my reaction.

"He knows that you were scarred in Ancient Egypt… and I think he may wish to see it."

My face falls. "Oh no… anything but that…" I whisper. It's not that I care about looking good (though I do look really hot with the scar, mind), but its about Ryou. I know that he will ask questions, and that is something I would rather avoid. The subject of my scars are… tender. And to get so many on the same cheek (one by myself… yes, even I have feelings) (Duh), must obviously bring about curiosity.

"Oh, he hasn't seen them," Ra adds, relieving at least some of my own anxiety. "But he knows of them… Marik told him."

I nod, not paying much attention. If I was where Ryou is, which would be impossible, even if I was to die… I would kill that Marik, and hope for every single Goddamn second I was in that shit hole that the real Marik is dead too. But, of course, Marik and me are friends.

Well, for our hikari's.

"Oh, and, Bakura forgot to inform you as to why you bear marks." Osiris cuts in, smiling, "So I will enlighten you.

"Whenever Ryou meets someone who he knows from where we are now, that person here gains a mark. This is to show that you have played your part in Ryou's angst. The design does, however, increase in size depending on how important you become in this. Take Jou, for example. The reason why he came over was to tell you about the mark… or at least, to ask for a reason how he obtained it for when Seto returned. It should be gone now, however… as Jou has died where Ryou is."

Yugi raises an eyebrow. The God smiles.

"It's because he used to think that a lot of people around him might as well be dead, for all the attention that he got."

Ryou

I've been moved from where I was, and am now outside Seto's hospital room. The Doctors have decided to keep me in for a night, just to give me a proper bed – a piteous thing to do, but I accepted gladly. For Gods, Ra and Osiris don't exactly give many resourceful things.

But then, I've never exactly had much of that… in whatever way you decide to take that. I mean, I've never had a first kiss… unless you count the last thing I felt before I died… I never lost my virginity (embarrassing? Well I'm only seventeen… You mocking me? Fuck you.) … Never accomplished my dreams… Never got much of what I wanted….

Iie… I've practically always been on my own, in everything that I've done. Even now, however, I do not know how I dared to kill myself… when all of those things had been there all along.

But if going through this meant that Bakura would admit his love to me, then it's worth it. I'm willing to go through this for him… god, I miss him so much that it hurts… I wipe at my eyes, refusing to cry. It won't solve anything. Still, it would give me something to do fro twenty minutes… it's only eight thirty and the Nurses have insisted I get some rest. Yeah, like I go to bed this early every night. My body clock is configured for some time in like, the early hours.

Anyway. This place… wherever it is… it's just like what it was before I killed myself. The feelings, everything is the same… well, apart from the time. That's the only difference. And Bakura… but in this world, I probably wouldn't want to know him.

I finger the Millennium Ring as I contemplate this, and freeze. Come to think of it, a lot of things are the same here. Yeah…

… Jou and Shizuka having both a turbulent past and present… I can't explain why both of them would die, but I saw so little of them that they may as well have been. I think their death would have drawn me closer to them than what anything else ever could.

Jou being a murderer would be simple… he's suffered so much hardship and bloodshed that some more wouldn't exactly faze him. And even now, as I think about myself, I was almost raped… again… and…

The couples... well, there's no difference there. Yugi and Yami, Jou and Seto, Malik and Marik (even though they've split now) … But why Mokuba was designed to be an insane murderer baffles me entirely.

But now, my conclusion is clear. The reason why this is all so familiar to me…

… Is because it feels like I have experienced all of this before.

Bakura

The two Gods smile then, and, glancing at each other, hold hands before they vanish. I blink, and smile. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them.

My Ryou… please, make me proud.

Ryou

I stare at the two before me, seeing my own eyes reflected in their orbs.

"Why… am I here?" I ask suspiciously, expecting yet another tedious, life-threatening experience. If anything, these two are the LAST people I want to see right now… I just want everything to go back the way it was… well, before I was being ignored, anyway. When I was actually loved.

Ra raised his arms in happiness, a brief smile passing over his lips.

"Congratulations, Ryou… you solved it!"

My eyes narrow. What is he talking about? Osiris' eye colour changes somewhat… before returning to normal.

"Don't you see! You can go home now, Ryou! You've solved our little… well, a puzzle, if you will." He explains. Or at least tries to. I… still don't fully comprehend what he means. Puzzle? Of what, finding out that my time and this one share a few things? Where's the puzzle in that!

Ra would have rolled his eyes, had he proper ones. "Ryou, the reason why we sent you there… was so that you could see what you were doing to yourself! It wasn't a glamorous place… but that's what you kept thinking at the time when you were alive! It wasn't particularly a friendly thing to do, but you'll forgive us. I'm sure of it."

I freeze, and finally unglue my lips from each other to speak. "What?"

"I thought you were a bright student, Ryou," Osiris says, shaking his head, "But, all right… we can take away our mysterious-Ness, if you insist."

I give him a small, impatient nod. "I do."

Ra clears his throat.

"You just thought to yourself in the hospital room, that some of the people you knew would be better off dead… because you would get more interaction from those who were dead. It was only natural that you would feel left out, Ryou… but sometimes, you humans can take things to the extreme."

At this, I feel my anger rise. I grip the sides of my pants, biting my lip to keep myself from blowing.

"So we decided to show you what that would really be like," Ra continues, "And if it was any better. Yes, we agree that your friends were very unfair… they neglected you and gave no other times with which you could rearrange. It was highly frustrating for you, I believe, and I can tell that it didn't help your already depressed state.

"And when Yugi forgot your birthday… when you screamed at him… that was actually his rage and hurt from that night when you were refused accommodation at his house. I am not saying that he should have been angry, but that is what mortals become when faced with living proof that they… well, quite bluntly, are forgetful and neglecting idiots."

I jump at the memory. Yes, I can see it now… it was my seventeenth, and only Bakura had remembered. Once I had given him his present, very tearfully, I had raced out. I went to Yugi's house… and I almost wanted to slit his throat, I felt so angry, so… rejected. It was so degrading; knowing that one of my supposed best friends had forgotten my birthday. I felt so hurt, so alone… it had hurt me so much that I hit him, right across his face. I would have done the same to Yami, had Bakura not dragged me away, screaming at their wrongs. They had deserved it… but now, thinking about that…

Didn't that just drive them away from me further?

Ra can tell that something has clanked into place, and grins.

"Yes, Ryou… As for Seto and Jou. They are… well; Seto is a possessive man. He has not known love for quite a while now… and when Jou came along, and their feelings revealed…"

"… He never wanted to let anyone else have a chance of knowing him, in case they stole his heart," Osiris cut through, desperate to say something. "Contributing to that fact was the thought that he couldn't fully trust anyone… not after Gozaburo. His heart is still scarred, even now, but Seto has finally learned to bury what is in the past, and live more in the present. Which is what you should be doing with Bakura!" Osiris says, putting great emphasis on his last few words.

I give them a wry look.

"But how am I to do that… when I am not even where Bakura is?"

Ra gives me a smirk. "Hilarious. We are not quite finished.

"Mokuba felt that way for at least three weeks… but will never take a gun to Jou. He is now seen as a part of the Kaiba family… and I wouldn't be surprised if something like that actually happens soon, either. Seto is a romantic at heart."

"Ooh, spoilers," I say with sarcasm, but my heart racing at the thought that Bakura isn't that far away. "And?"

Osiris continues from here onwards.

"And for the time difference… well, that was to make you ponder for a while, which would give you some time to experience life how you saw it before you died. It wasn't a nice place that you lived in, Ryou… which you so found out for real.

"And, yes… the eventual and final thing… Marik stabbing you…" Osiris pauses, his face not moving. A small cloud of colour seems to focus in one part of the Gods eyes, and I assume that it means he is staring at me. "… You've never really known him after Battle City, and so guessed what he was like. He has improved dramatically… that is why even Yugi has forgiven him. That is why Malik and him are having a… relationship, if you will."

I raise an eyebrow. "Like I would be, if SOMEBODY would just let me go home."

The two homosexuals smile at me. "To call back an old friend," Ra goes on, raising a hand. "Anubis!"

At this, a wave of cold air washes over me, but I don't shiver out of that… but from excitement. The Jackal-headed God appears and, after a very short conversation in Egyptian between the two friends, Anubis beckons me. His red orbs seem to glare at me, but I think it may just be the colour, because his highly sharp teeth are showing in a pleasing manner.

"Ready to go home now, Ryou?"

Oh, like he needs to ask. Before I leave, I turn to face Ra and Osiris.

"Well, thanks, I guess, for putting me through that… it's given me a real insight. I doubt I'll ever cry again… I'll be too afraid of what you two might do to me!"

Osiris laughs, but Ra merely frowns.

"You can still feel, Ryou. Just savour what you have now with Bakura. Have a good life, Ryou… I hope that the next time I see you is on more happy grounds." He raises a hand, and wishes me something in Egyptian. Osiris repeats the phrase, just as I feel my body being lifted from the ground. This time, I don't struggle. I turn back to face Anubis, ready to thank him also, but his smile simply widens, and he raises his hand… whispering something I doubt I shall never fully comprehend.

And then, a bright light…

It begins to fade away, and my heart is pounding rapidly against my chest. My stomach tightens in anticipation, and I can only dream of what is to come.

I can only hope that it is something I will appreciate.

Yami's koi: well, folks… the next chapter is definitely the last.

Nefertiri: since none of you will bother doing this, I will… WAHOO! IT'S GONNA BE ALL OVER! YAY!

Ryou: yay… I'm with Bakura soon…

Bakura: don't say that… she'll probably have made the Gods ditch you in your own mind, self-pity and pain again. (Sweatdrops)

Yami's koi: yeah… I could. Anyway, what did you think of the twist? Unexpected? Like I said, I thought it up whilst at a theme park… and on the rebound from my own painful times. I have escaped that all now… but I have fresh scars, at the same time. Um… Oopsie?

Nefertiri: the legal thing?

Yami's koi: oh, yeah. An email from someone whom I can't name due to privacy guidelines, and a review from a person who I dare no name due to the same reason… I will not, sadly, be including a list of who I have received reviews off. I'm not sure if it's true, but it's best to be on the safe side, right? Oh, and, should the next chapter be in the present time, with Bakura and Ryou's reactions written separately, or can I PLEEEAAASSSEE write it in the past tense? Tell me which you think is best, otherwise I will end up writing crap. Well… anyway… please, R&R people… (Pokes tattoo) … Ja ne, until I write the next and final chapter.

PS: Just in case anyone is curious about what I meant about my sexuality changing in the other AN, I meant I decided that I'm bi. (Winks). Don't like that? I'm not doing anyone harm.