5: CONFUSION

It was unusually cool for being so late in the Spring. The light breeze was keeping the city smells from permeating the air as Ryo headed towards his destination.

Hastening his way past the huge piles of black garbage bags and the fliers that strewed the sidewalks like mottled confetti, Ryo understood why Dee lived in the neighborhood despite making enough money to find nicer digs. This life-long resident was one of those rare people who didn't want to forget his roots, was proud of them even though growing up some people held it against him, made assumptions of him, called him a punk who only knew how to live off of second-hand scrapes.

Upon admittance, as he walked past the brick facade that surrounded the facilities, there was a courtyard with a cottage that housed the nursery. He found Dee working on the roof, his back towards him. 'What was my very first impression of my new partner? That there was something about him that drew a person to him.' but all that come out of his throat was "Hey."

Upon hearing the quiet voice, Dee turned around. The mid-morning sun glinted off the blonde highlights on the man standing below, his hand shading his eyes and his slim body stretched upwards to gain a better view, and the man perched on the slope had mixed feelings. 'I've never opened up so much to someone before. I guess I can't say he cheated on me since we're not a couple but still... I've been trying so hard to convince him I'm serious and reliable and he betrayed me. After this, can we still be friends and partners even if it's only at work?'

Because of the distance, Dee couldn't look into the depth of his eyes. Those eyes that gave everything away. "Hey yourself. They were predicting rain but it looks like it's holding off. Come on up."

Ryo let himself up the ladder and gingerly worked his way across the pitched roof.

Deciding to enjoy the peace of the moment, Dee laid his hammer by his side, and stretched out with his arms behind his head, eyes closed, and his face turned towards the warm sun. "This isn't the same place I grew up in but I spent so much time in the attic and escaping down the side Penguin shooed me out here, knowing I wouldn't think twice of the height..."

Ryo was thinking of the stories Mother had told him. 'Like the time he feel out the window and broke his arm.'

Getting back to his task at hand, Dee quickly opened his eyes and caught Ryo gazing at him. Upon being caught, Ryo blushed and looked out from their elevated vantage point. Dee struggled to keep his breath steady as he said, "Hey, grab that chisel, I need to reseal these shingles..."

Ryo handed him the tool.

As Dee worked his way around the tiles, he began to babble. "This building's in pretty good shape but..."

Ryo had flashbacks to the first time he had visited Dee's childhood home, the bombing of the orphanage and Dee's meltdown:

- Witnessing Dee in his hurt and anger. 'I quit being your freaking partner so move the hell away, Ryo!'

- Struggling to get the hot-headed man to gain control of himself. 'You gonna let me go after all we've been through?'

"...the kids have a garden set up in the back but the little ones keep picking off the carrots and beans before they can be harvested. You'd approve, they're getting their veggies..."

- Helping Dee carry the boxes of potato chips and junk food from the same store he used to shop-lift from. Realizing that his paycheck went towards more than just beer binges and bets.

"Ryo?"

He was called to attention. "Hmm?"

"What brings you around on your day off?"

"I wanted to see you."

"We see each other practically every day. I would think you would be sick of me by now."

"Seeing you at work and seeing you at... home isn't the same thing."

Dee was fussing with the roofing material. "So did you have a nice evening?" Then he immediately kicked himself. 'Dumbass. Just ask him how he likes being THE MAN.'

There was an expectant pause.

Not really understanding why Ryo felt compelled to confess to Dee, maybe it was the location, he stared out at nothing as he started his narrative. "Last night was... nice. Kadee was my first love after all. I can't deny that I didn't want her."

Dee closed his eyes again. He didn't want to see a love that wasn't directed towards him. He would just have to let him go piece by piece accompanied by each part of his broken heart and just be there for him as a friend even if it couldn't be more than that.

Ryo continued. "When she stopped hearing from me, she looked up my parents' dealership in New York. The story was in the paper and when she saw a list of my surviving family members in the obituary no one responded to her request to know where I was except my aunt and she told her I was in the hospital. That was my low point, I couldn't or rather wouldn't deal. After that I enlisted in the military not only to get my head on straight but I needed that structured environment. It taught me to swallow myself and I improved my skills, but most of all I found out I wasn't as bad off as some people. I still keep in touch with a couple of old Army buddies. Remember? That's where I learned to make bombs. My tour of duty took me to Japan. I went looking for her but her family had left the area and she just disapppeared. After I was discharged I finished my education, went to the police academy, and worked for a couple of years in uniform before being promoted to Detective."

Ryo was remembering the events of the previous evening. Kadee was toying with her glass of wine. They were both sitting on the couch not having bothered to put the couch back in its original position. Ryo took their glasses and placed them on the floor off to the side where there was no risk of getting stepped on. He leaned back into one of the large cushions, reached out an arm and said "Come here."

Kadee stretched over and snuggled against his chest, feeling his arms come around her. She laid one of her hands under her cheek and the other one against his shirt front.

Ryo enjoyed the comfort of holding someone as well as how warm it felt to be held.

There it was, just the two of us.

But there were more than two as he saw that the lighter, still on the glass tabletop, cast a shadow on the ceiling.

'It's strange. You're here and yet you're not here.' Whether Ryo was thinking about Kadee or Dee wasn't clear to himself. He sensed that she was reliving memories that he had no part of. He gave her a chaste kiss to the forehead and they snuggled in a little deeper, lulled by the headiness of the wine and the serenity of the moment.

Dee was worried. In Ryo's lack of closure he couldn't avenge his parents but with the reappearance of his first (and only?) love, maybe he considered that some sort of reward. That he had been given a second chance at happiness. He was blunt. "So, did you sleep together?"

Brought back to reality, Ryo said. "Yes. But we didn't have sex if that's what you're really asking. We needed to get a lot of stuff out in the open but as friends, not as lovers".

Knowing he was revealing his scars, Ryo said, "For ten years my parents' killer has been free on the streets to destroy other families like he did mine. Knowing that I had him in front of me, that I could finally avenge them, and did nothing is hard to face."

Ryo continued. "I don't know all of what happened to her but... I could sense that kind of pain when you're powerless and life is so damn unfair, like that night Leo told me he killed my parents. It was sort of the same last night. If we had had sex it wouldn't have been right. It would have been an attempt to fill those years of loneliness" with a small chuckle, "and I didn't want to be a dickwad. Besides, I don't think she's forgiven me for abandoning her."

Dee wanted so badly to hold Ryo in his arms and tell him that he's not alone anymore. "You've told me more about your past this morning than the entire time I've known you. Why?"

There was a hint of despair. "When I first meet people I'm on my best behavior and try to make a positive impression. You already know more about me then anyone else. How selfish and petty I can be. I've said things to you without thinking how it's really hurting. It's time I deal."

Dee hated to see Ryo beating himself up like this. "Yeah, I know all about you. How generous and caring you are, especially to kids, how dedicated you are to your job and would never do anything to jeopardize a case, that you would sacrifice your own health to protect a stranger."

Ryo dismissed Dee's works as mere flattery and felt a need to prove he was sincere. "There was something else you said earlier. Why was I keeping secrets from you if I trusted you?" Ryo raised his eyes. He couldn't say he loved him. He couldn't make his heart feel something it didn't but - "It's not a matter of trust. Maybe I'm just afraid of losing someone else close to me. I don't want to let anyone else down."

Being cautiously optimistic Dee gave Ryo 'The Look', deep and piercing. Ryo blushed and held his gaze for a moment before looking away.

To lighten the atmosphere, Ryo said, "And she got called out."

Dee knew Ryo's mind was never far from whatever case was on hand. "Another stiff, huh?"

In a pragmatic manner. "Yeah. Kind of killed the mood. We may still need that Holy Water."

Dee sighed in exasperation but with a lifting of his spirits that maybe... "Bring the hose up and you can clean out the gutters."

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With the list of victims growing, the increased frequency of the code name assigned to the Perk case had been picked up by someone who monitored police dispatches and news of a new serial killer were starting to leak out.

A meeting was called for the presentation of the evidence the team had gathered and the suspicion that the number one mafia family in New York City was involved. Having no idea how it would be taken Kadee included the meaning behind the trademark symbol and the map with the energy readings. She was met with a wall of dead air by the few select people from the various support departments. A representative from the Regional Office finally broke the silence. "We seem to be dealing with something beyond the ordinary. Now that it's been laid out for us we will be better able to utilize resources that may be beneficial." And with that the meeting was adjourned.

The results were issued in the form of a memo a few days later:

"There is no statistical evidence that the deaths are linked given the ratio between Perk consumers and number of victims. Thorough scientific analysis indicates no harmful side-effects of consuming Perk so distribution will be allowed to continue."

"Suggestions that there are supernatural elements involved is rejected outright and the lead investigator will be censured if any more such implications are made. The data gathered through the use of a non-regulated electronic device is not admissible as evidence."

"Those affected by their unfortunate loss have been assured that the victims died of natural causes or as a result of personal conflicts and from here on each incidence will be investigated on a case-by-case basis by the local precinct. This Task Force is therefore dissolved and Detectives Latener and Maclean will be available for other assignments."

They had been busy tracking down tenant information and narrowing down locations based upon the geographic area indicated by the scans, but they were also packing boxes in preparation of moving into a new building. Kadee had been catching up on her sleep. The distribution of the various crime scenes was running her ragged. The memo would bring that activity to a screeching halt. She revealed her frustration. "Somehow I'm not surprised. Dammit, I'm so close but without dispatch services, I can't filter out specific victims."

Knowing that this was the final word Ryo asked her, "When are you going back to Washington?"

The vehemence she was displaying showed the two men that underneath her demure appearance was a person with an obsession. "I'm not. I still have a job to do. Those bastards are trying to appease someone, the victims are nobodies to them. 'Those affected?'. Ha! They just don't want anyone getting too close to their books." She caught a sympathetic glance exchanged between the two men. "Don't you believe me? Don't you trust me?" There was nothing they could say and Kadee stormed out to clean out her desk.

In the meantime, Ryo was trying to continue his resolve to face those issues that left him indecisive.

He knew with her, her job would always have priority. Seeing how personal the case was and concerned over the stress his friend was putting herself through. He wanted to comfort her, to give her a break from whatever compulsion she was under. 'We're not kids and we're not longer innocent and carefree but I'll always be your oni-chan. I want to be there for you.'

But where did his stronger feelings lie. An unexpected visit from Diana Spencer, the FBI agent from Los Angeles who had figured in a number of cases, gave him her perspective when the subject had accidently come up and he remembered what Mother Lane had told him on their first meeting, 'Discover what feels right in your heart'. It left him feeling like Indiana Jones about to take that first step across an invisible bridge.

They soon found themselves with a new assignment. By special request and a twist of irony, they had been assigned to protect the wife of Leo Grant after she had witnessed a murder done by a rival by the name of Bennett. Situated in the posh penthouse suite of the Plaza Hotel, Ryo found himself once again face-to-face with the one person in the world he actually loathed.

But Alicia proved to be not the most cooperative of witnesses. When they asked how her father was doing and where he was, she gave a vague answer and said he was being attended to by the best that money can buy.

Ryo was always early, that had added to his reputation of begin too good to be true. The truth was he did it for selfish reasons, it gave him a respite from the long lines and surly people he was accustomed to encountering in NYC. After picking up a newspaper on the way to the hotel he was shocked to see Alicia with a strange man with no sign of bodyguards in sight. Witnessing an intimate moment, he saw her wipe her lips with a tissue. He was speculating on what was going on when he saw Alicia walking towards him and stopping next to a garbage can. At the same time a shot rang out. As people scattered under cover, Ryo quickly bounded towards Alicia, pushed her to the ground and shieded her with his body. Taking a quick glance backwards to where the shot had come from he could've sworn he saw Kadee ducking behind a corner.

Ryo had gone looking for Kadee after the team had been disbanded. She had moved out, telling the doorman that her job was done and she was going home. Upon calling FBI Headquarters in Washington, there was no record that a Karen Shu was a registered agent. It was happening all over again. Someone he cared for had disappeared from his life. Who did Kadee work for and which side of the law was she walking?

Triangulation was now complete.