7: Climax

Ryo was tossing and turning. To him it was just WRONG to be lolling about in bed during the day despite having been on the late shift the night before. How had he ever gotten roped into this assignment? He had dragged himself home in the early hours despite having done little in the way of exertion. His internal clock had not adjusted well to the shift change. It was those days when there was nothing to do that one comes home more drained than if they had been relegated to desk duty. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration but the sunlight creeping around the window blinds and the sound of ceaseless traffic gave him the excuse that prevented him from getting a much needed respite from the dullness of recent days.

Not that he could relax while on duty. Though he could appreciate the cost of creativity in design when money was no object, he never felt comfortable in the elegantly sumptuous accommodations knowing that the rack rate was being paid out of funds obtained illegally.

Aware that Dee had managed to skip out of the assignment temporarily by being in court that day, Ryo thought about calling him up for an early dinner. And yet, there were rumors that Dee was hanging out with a young brunette from Jim's lab. What was her name? Mary... Keri... Kadee... His jumbled thoughts invariably followed a trail of association. 'Damn her' as he hit the pillow with his fist to relieve the tension. He knew she was out there. She was out there and though it seemed obvious she had no intention of confiding whatever course of action she was undertaking, he couldn't let it go. With his promotion, he had decided to immerse himself in the heart of the most populated city in America, to return to the scene of the crime where his parents had been taken away from him, to do his duty to bring to justice those who had caused other children to become orphans, and to lose himself in the sea of people. Yet fate and time would still not allow him to distance himself from the past.

From day one when Dee had the audacity to invade Ryo's personal space, his strategy of aloofness had been waylaid and the wall had been breached. As his heritage, his identity had been revealed, he had become an object of attention. Dee never attempted to conceal that Ryo was an important person to him and now Ryo's thoughts turned more towards his partner and the reality of what an intimate relationship with this dynamic individual would entail. He couldn't deny anymore that he didn't have feelings for the man but he began to doubt that Dee's affection could be sustained through the blonde's vacillating signals, that maybe he had taken too long to admit to himself that Dee was an important person to him.

Sneaky bastard, stealing kisses whenever he had the opportunity. He remembered them all. From the first kiss under a tree, a back alley, when he was sick, at the orphanage, on the shooting range... the man was shameless. But his kisses made him feel like he was floating while gravity had him sliding down walls. Within Ryo, the constant battle between feelings and logic, the forced separation of those he cared about was putting to the test the adage of 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' versus 'Out of sight, out of mind' and he wanted to know which one was truer to Dee.

The pounding noise of school kids running up the staircase, including his own, was more effective than any alarm clock for rousing him out of his half-attempted slumber. Because of the change in shifts, Bikky had been sent to his friend Lai's house more frequently than usual.

As testimony to Ryo's goody-goody reputation, Ryo provided this young boy with a home. He wasn't nearly as trusting as others had been led to believe but he understood what it was like to find themselves suddenly alone. If he didn't keep busy with other people's responsibilities he would be cast adrift with no purpose. A child would provide distraction and chaos. But as he had gotten used to the the rambucious boy's presence, whose antics had a tendency to amuse rather than anger, a bond had invaritably formed and Ryo made the effort to spend quality time with the boy he had taken in.

Ryo got up to make snacks for Bikky's bottomless appetite while the youth was perched in front of the television with his video games to get out some of his aggression from being confined in school. After a bit of small talk to catch up on the latest and to coordinate their schedules, Bikky noticed that Ryo was dragging his feet. The apartment had seemed too quiet lately. He had noticed the lack of Dee's presence, who frequently found an excuse to invite himself over for dinner or Kadee who Bikky thought was a very close friend of Ryo's. There were dark circles under his guardian's eyes and Bikky suspected that Ryo hadn't been sleeping well. If his concerns were work related, Bikky knew Ryo would say everything was fine so he tried another tact. "What's wrong? Did you get dumped?"

Surprised by the abupt change in topic, Ryo said, "Yeah. I guess I did."

"The chick or the dude."

"Both, I guess."

"You're too good for them. Have some fun and stop worrying about everything."

Ryo ruffled Bikky's hair. "The only thing to worry about is making sure you get home in one piece."

The phone rang.

Dee fought to keep alert to the proceedings. Even though he hated court duty it was tolerable compared to bodyguard duty. He was on this assignment only because his looks (and his partner's) had attracted the attention of the daughter of New York's #1 mob family and the higher-ups had catered to this spoiled heiress. Sometimes he asked himself why God had to make him so pretty.

As Dee waited his turn to testify, he thought about calling Ryo for an early dinner but figured he was probably still asleep right now. He hadn't seen Ryo for a couple of days and he didn't know what to do with the information he had gathered in the interim with Terri's help. He knew something was building up and was about to explode but who would believe him. Ryo was reluctant to take in anything outside his sphere of knowledge and this was one of them.

Ryo grabbed his coat and headed out the door. Alicia had taken advantage of the fact that Dee had to leave early and slipped out while Diana was resting. After telling Bikky to go to Lai's again, he found himself grateful to Alicia for escaping. It gave him something to do instead of thinking too much. He went to the area he had seen her in before, wondering if there was going to be a repeat performance when he found he had backup.

His accomplice was none other than Leo Grant, standing in the shadows with a cigarette between the fingers of one hand and the other in his pant pocket, acting more like an informant than a mob boss. His attention moved from his wife and her liason to the younger man frozen in place and seething with suppressed rage.

Leo coolly confirmed the truth behind Ryo's parent's murders and held himself in open invitation for Ryo to take his revenge. If Leo's hand in his pocket even twitched, Ryo would have an excuse. This time there was no Dee to protect Ryo from himself. But Leo wasn't there to off a rival or to silence a stooge. It was obvious that Leo wasn't indifferent to his wife's affair and in the time Ryo had spent in Alicia's company he suspected that she was the one who was indifferent. For Ryo, he was feeling voyeuristic as one lover was witnessing the blatant infidelity of another. He was seized with panic and he wanted no part of this scene. He had to get away.

He was now a renegade, a deserter. He had abandoned his post, shirked his duty. He was always trying to be responsible and everything seems to be falling apart. Tonight showed he had failed in his professional life. His efforts to keep his emotions at bay showed that he had failed in his personal life. He was sick and tired of this constant angst of poor, poor Ryo. Enough already. He should just go where no one could find him. As he gathered his thoughts and looked around to get his bearings he found himself at Dee's apartment.


Ryo was standing at the door looking utterly lost when Dee pulled him in.

He related his confrontation with Leo. "He said I could kill him. There was nothing stopping me this time except... except... I shouldn't of run away but he was watching her not as a a husband married to an unfaithful wife but as if to protect her since we couldn't, it was like we were sharing the duty."

"Take a shower and relax. I don't think anything will happen with him there but I'll call Diana."

When Ryo came out of the shower. Dee was hanging up the phone. "Everything's okay, Alicia's back at the hotel."

Ryo sat down at very edge of the bed and said with a sigh, "Taking revenge wouldn't have brought my parents back and I still have Bikky to take care of. Though that doesn't matter since I can't protect anyone, anyway."

Dee didn't like the way the conversation was going. Now was not the time for Ryo to lose his confidence. "You were there, weren't you. Well, my day was boring as hell. I wanted to call you for dinner but figured you'd want to spend time with Biks."

Trying not to probe, Ryo asked, "You weren't hanging out with Jim's group?"

"That project's complete. One of Jim's techies was helping me do background research."

In a soft voice, Ryo murmured, "Oh, that's all it was."

Dee forced Ryo's chin up so their eyes met. "What? You think I was cheating on you?"

"I wanted to see you but I told myself I wouldn't cry on your shoulder. I was afraid I would disappoint you like before and I couldn't stand that. Apparently my feet had other ideas."

As Dee's arms came around Ryo, he could smell his hair, still damp from the shower, feel his delicate bone structure through the light material.

Thinking that the emotional strain would translate into physical exhaustion, he held him close to offer him what comfort he could. "You can always come to me."

"Dee?"

"Hmm. What babe?"

"I seem to be free this evening. Could we... um... finish the test drive?"

Well, that was unexpected. The shock on his face... priceless. He raised his head and scutinized his face, looking for any clues that belied his resolve. When it came to issues involving Leo. Dee knew he couldn't trust Ryo's normal level-headedness and good sense. Ryo's face was red from embarrassment but he held Dee's gaze to let him know he was in control of himself and was fully aware of what he was asking.

The infamous 'test drive'. The night when Ryo had allowed Dee to go beyond kisses. It wasn't as if the clutch had failed, they had just been interrupted by traffic control in the form of an emergency cell phone call.

A look of awe was apparent on Dee's face. A mixture of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder. "Are you sure?"

"It's okay. I had agreed to it before. There's no reason to take it back. Let's just say I've become enlightened."

"Um... okay... let me get the keys."

To alleviate any doubt or fear of rejection, Dee bent over and gave Ryo a tender, lingering kiss and gazed into the fathomless depths of Ryo's eyes to see if there were any signs of hesitation or doubt. He returned the look unwaveringly but could not repress a shiver. Dee hoped it was in anticipation and not in fear. He went to his bathroom to take care of necessities and to calm his rapidly beathing heart. He had to laugh, asking himself who was the virgin now?

'I swear Ryo, if you're just using me, I WILL slap you again. For two years I've tried to prove to you time and time again that my feelings were sincere. Everybody would be surprised that I've been so patient, including myself. I don't want to pressure you. And yet, I'm such a sap. I've never felt like this with anyone like I feel for you.'

Dee quickly thought back to the few times Ryo had initiated contact. From a friendly kiss goodnight in England to when he told Dee he wouldn't care if Dee 'did it' to him as an expression of desperation.

He cringed remembered when he was in a similar situation after the orphanage had been bombed. He had practically molested Ryo after Mother had been hurt. Ryo would have let him have his way to comfort him but when Ryo had thrown himself at Dee, Dee had reacted with violence, 'A damn piece of meat, that's all I was.' Each time he had had enough presence of mind to pull back. How was tonight different?

He wasn't in control.

'Control? Is that what I am? I have to be in control? I have to do the pouncing?'

He wanted to teach Ryo how good male loving was but maybe he had learned something from Ryo as well.

While Dee was in the bathroom, Ryo own thoughts were going through his head.

'I'm through apologizing. All the times you told me you loved me and I couldn't look you in the eyes. I couldn't give you an answer. All the questions I asked myself of how I felt about you, of what you did to me. It was a process I had to go through and you knew it. This is my reward as well as yours. I'm no sacrificial lamb being slaughtered by the wolf. I want him to want me and I know in my mind what my body's known all along. That I want him, too.'

Not wanting to leave Ryo alone for too long, Dee came back with a packet of condoms and a small tube he always kept close at hand. He didn't need the man to worry about his reputation concerning his casual lifestyle and he wanted the experience to be as wonderful and painless as possible. He approached the bed where Ryo was sitting and showed him what he had in his hand. Ryo gave him a grateful smile that Dee cared enough to take precautions for their first time.

As they settled themselves amongst the plush pillows at the head of Dee's bed. Dee gazed into Ryo's eyes and lightly touched his soon-to-be-lover's cheek. "Sometimes I'm as confused about my feelings for you as you are towards me. From day one, I never knew where I stood with you. As I found out there was conflicts within you beyond being with another guy, I wanted you to know I was serious but I didn't want to risk you avoiding me because I was too agressive. Maybe it's the orphan in me but I need to be needed. I need someone to belong to me and me alone. I'm a selfish bastard and some people can't handle that. That's just another part of me added to the person you know as Dee Laytner. I'll always love those people closest to me and it's not a casual thing. Those feelings and memories don't fade. But there's different kinds of love. From someone who doesn't know where he came from, I know it's not easy to face who you are."

Ryo's nerve endings were becoming sensitized by the gentle caresses. "I know I would have never made the first move. I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that you would be bored with me but I can tell you this." His voice raised in intensity cutting off any protest. "Feeling this way can't be wrong. It's been a very long time since I've been so close to anyone. I didn't know what I wanted so I tried to be what other people wanted. The boy scout, the gentleman, the precinct's idol but I'm just as selfish as you so don't you dare try to put me on a pedestal. It's not a casual thing with me either. I know what I want. What I want is to be as honest as you."

They recognized the words that the other was saying. It resonated to a similar part of their being inside of them. Ryo allowed the palms of his hands to travel up Dee's arms to grasp his shoulders and pulled him down to him.

'We've both been alone too long. I don't want to feel that way again.'

Not to forget the past but to know that everything that had happened had led to this moment and to the people they are, there was a sense of desperation as their lips met once again. Mind-blowing kisses that melted walls, made the knees weak and made them cling to each other even closer.

Dee lifted his head to gasp for air and chuckled. "I feel like it's my first time, too."

Ryo gave Dee a tender smile of reassurance. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle."

The circle was broken. It unwound itself and reformed into a wave and Ryo felt like he was jumping from the apex of one crest to the next. From internalization to instinct towards a final leap to the destined goal. And they finally gave into what they both wanted.

'His breath. His warmth. His lips. His tongue. His touch.'

Their thoughts became as entangled as their limbs, as eyes involuntarily closed in the growing intensity and their other senses took over under the light of the full moon.

'His smell. His taste. His arms wrapped around me. His heat. His voice. His weight on me. In me. All of him. Mind, body, and heart together. No more hiding, no more fear.'

The aura of lovers manifested and surrounded both of their souls.

All the tension faded away and as they held each, it was the best damn sleep either one of them had had in days.

TBC. Next Chapter: Denouement (definitely the last!)