Thanks for all the great reviews! It's really appreciated!
I just thought I'd clear something up, my computer has really been playing up lately so I wasn't sure if the story was sending, so I deleted it a couple of times. I was pretty embarrassed to realise that it had worked every time! lol! so sorry if you've seen it several times, it was my fault totally, but not intentially! my computer is back to working now so its all good :) so i just wanted to clear that up!
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
CHAPTER 2 – IN BLOOD STEPP'D SO FAR
"Marissa? Are you awake?"
Inside, the lights were off, the blinds were drawn, everything was still, but Marissa was by no means asleep. She lay there limply on top of the still-made sheets, her eyes wide with fear, constantly glazed with a film of tears. She was still in her bra and jeans, and a slight chill harassed her, but she really couldn't care less. Her face itched when she moved her mouth as dried tears, make-up and blood stretched and tickled at the dry skin. She had remained lying there for hours and hours. Not moving. Not sleeping. Hardly blinking. Anyone would have thought she'd died with her eyes open. Marissa figured that was the word that summed her up right now – dead.
"Honey?" Julie's incessant high-pitched voice leaked through the closed cedar door once more. She tapped when no response came for the second time, "It's nine in the morning."
The untimely mixture of knocking and her mother's tone jammed at her head, making it ache mildly. From Julie's side of the door there was girl who was taking advantage of sleeping in while school was still out. But from Marissa's side of the door, there was a girl whose body still throbbed from scattered bruises all over her body. There was a girl who only the day before had finally regained the happiness that she had been missing for nearly a year, only to have that taken away from her just as fast. Now she was lost again, but this time lost so far that nobody could lend their hand to help her up. This was it – this was rock bottom in a way she'd never known it.
For the third time, Julie Cooper spoke through the door, "Up, sweetie! Come downstairs."
Finally Marissa turned her head to the locked door. She didn't know if she could handle to face anyone again, let alone her Mom. She was the last person she wanted to speak to… well… perhaps the second last person. Marissa felt her bones rattle at the mere thought of His name. She swallowed away the suffocating bulge in her throat.
"Sure, Mom," she winced, "…there in the minute."
Relieved at the sound of her mother's high-heeled stilettos fading away down the stairs, Marissa lifelessly staggered up from her resting position. Leaving behind the deep groove her body had made in the sheets, she was instantly plagued with dizziness. It took her a moment to steady herself before she devoted any means of strength to walking.
She immediately regretted opening the blinds when shoots of piercing Californian sunlight stabbed into her bagged, unslept eyes. Innately she held her hand up to shade them as she looked out over the balcony. She cursed at the world. It just looked so… so… perfect. The sky was brightly turquoise with plump white clouds dotted all around. Tropical trees danced lightly as they were manipulated by the refreshing Spring breeze. The ocean glistened, its beautifully pleated surface flowing towards the shore, soon to become the crescent-shaped waves that crashed into the golden sand. She could already make-out the figures of bikini-clad girls making the most of the warm morning whether.
It just felt so wrong. She was living amidst this world, this nature, these people, who just… just had no clue, no idea. She was hardly surprised when she felt a fallen tear slide into the curl of her mouth. After ten hours of it she was now used to the taste of salt at her lips. She pulled her hand down from her eyes but froze when she saw the red marks on the back of her wrist. She lost her breath and held them both up. There were three slits of dried blood on the left hand and two on the right. When the breath returned it was laboured and heavy. The faint stinging sensation was but another wrenching reminder of how far she had fallen this time. Mentally, she promised herself that she would never do it again. It wasn't worth the extra pain. What had been done was done.
Ignoring the mirror, which reflected a green stomach and a blackened chest topped off with smeared make-up and insomnia-strained eyes, Marissa slid off her jeans and slipped on her pink sweatpants. After washing her face clear of blackness, she rummaged through her draw to find her winter clothes. Marissa thought she was done with long-sleeved shirts for the year, but she needed something to cover up her wrists. When she was dressed she rubbed some concealer over the black marks under her eyes, followed by a light appliance of mascara. Finally, she painted some chestnut-coloured gloss onto her lips to cover up the swollen bottom lip. She tried to shrug off the throbbing in her pulled shoulder as she fixed her hair into a lose pony-tail.
When she was ready, she stood back and surveyed herself through the mirror. She sighed gravely.
Marissa Cooper looked… perfect.
X
"Honey!" Julie Cooper sang across the kitchen, "Did you sleep alri- Honey, a sweater in Spring?"
She raised her head from the burning stove. Ever since Marissa had decided to move back home, her Mom had been smothering her with love; cooking her breakfast, buying her clothes, she even appeared to make an effort with Ryan. Marissa, after all, was still frigid around her mother, but slowly, she had to admit to herself, the relationship was beginning to mend. Nevertheless, the strong fragrance of frying food made her stomach take a sickly nauseating turn.
"Oh! You know me, Mom!" Marissa said almost too cheerily, "I get cold the year round."
Julie raised an eyebrow and didn't look quite convinced. But the look passed as soon as it had come and she was soon changing the subject.
"Well, I made your favourite! – my specialty pancakes with maple syr-"
-"Uh, you know what? I'm not really all that hungry," Marissa interrupted hastily. She'd been there two seconds and already the act was near impossible to keep up. She honestly thought the taste of food would make her throw up and was determined not to take a single bite. All she wanted was to go and hide in her room forever.
Her mom looked at her quizzically, "You're not? But you always eat you're main meal in the morning. Are you feeling okay, sweetie?" She took a step forward to feel her daughter's forehead. Nervously, Marissa took a step back. She didn't want to be touched.
"I'm fine, really, I just, just…"
"Is it after last night?" Julie asked looking her in the eye.
Marissa's heart slammed to her ribs. The blood fled from her head. The faint pain in her bruises seemed to amplify. Her eyes were wide with horror. "L-last night?"
Julie rolled her eyes, "Honey! You came home crying last night and locked yourself in your room. Half of Newport felt the earthquake you caused when you slammed your door."
Marissa felt weak; the emotion was at breaking point.
"Was it a fight with Ryan?" Marissa's blood pressure immediately lowered and inwardly she breathed the longest sigh of relief she'd ever made. She looked at Julie as her expression softened. Her mom looked sympathetic, but the gleam of hopefulness was evident behind her eyes. Julie would never really accept Ryan.
Nevertheless, Julie didn't know Ryan was actually in Miami and Marissa took advantage of her mother's assumptions. "Uh… yeah. We, uh, we did." It was all she could muster. Her mother refrained from comment, so she continued, "So if you don't mind I'm just going to go back to my room and do some reading. We're reading "Macbeth" next quarter so I might get a head start."
Julie shrugged off Marissa's sudden interest in schoolwork in Spring Break, "Well, if you insist, honey. Well, I'm off now as well. I thought I'd head down to see Caitlin today and surprise her. She's been having a few friend issues so I thought a visit from me might cheer her up."
Marissa bowed her head and nodded, trying to hide her hazing eyes from her mother. On a normal day, she would have been more than eager to visit her little sister. But now she felt so broken and so heavy. She didn't think she could handle it. "Okay, well say hi to her from me, okay?" she said barely audibly.
Minutes later, Marissa watched as her Mom's Mercedes pulled out of the drive and rolled away down the road. She checked the time. It was only a quarter-to-ten. Gingerly, she turned from the balcony and went to lie on the bed.
In the eerie silence that filled the oversized mansion, Marissa suddenly began to hear things she'd never heard before…
The tap in her mom's ensuite wasn't turned off properly and the rhythm of dripping water echoed through the halls…
Her bedroom clock went at its own beat, a constant click that but increased in volume in her ears…
The breeze blew through the French doors of the balcony and rattled some loose sheets of paper on Marissa's desk...
The half-open cedar door creaked…
She could hear the drumming of the crashing waves…
…the chill of wind…
…could smell the scent of salt…
…and of sand…
…and of… tobacco?
…"Here I am and Ryan gets all the fucking good life!"…
… "Get off!"…
… "What? I'm not good enough for you?" …
… "Let go!"…
… "Please!" …
…"Here I am! ..."
… "No!" …
Marissa snapped her eyes open screamed her lungs out and bolted upright. She was panting and shaking uncontrollably. The hair around her face was saturated with sweat and more of it slid down her face. Burning tears were flooding down from her eyes. She was lost in a state of complete hyperventilation. Her pulse was vibrating like electricity.
She turned her eyes to the clock. It was just before one. She was so out of it she hardly noticed the shadow that was cast outside her bedroom door.
A knock at the door caught Marissa's attention. She saw him standing there, with a deep gash on the side of his forehead, and she thought she was about to cripple to the floor. She leapt off bed, ignoring the violent stabs of pain that shot from her body and she gave Trey the death stare of his life.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" she bawled.
To her terror, instead of leaving, he stepped in a step closer.
"I came to apologise," Trey said nervously, and soon he was stringing his words together like a maniac, "I was stoned… drunk, I was completely out of it! I never meant to hur-"
"Get out!" Marissa screamed again, "How the hell did you get in here anyway?"
"The front door was open."
Marissa inwardly cursed her mother for not locking the door. Trey took another step closer and her heart pounded even harder.
"I didn't… I mean, I don't really remember it all…"
"Yeah? Well I do!"
"I hope… you know… I hope I didn't-"
"You did!"
Trey had tears in his eyes. There was utter silence in the room, save Marissa's unrelenting sobs. Finally he lifted his eyes to her and mumbled, "Whatever you do, you can't tell Ryan."
Forgetting her earlier promise to herself Marissa burst, "And what if I do?"
"You wouldn't," Trey said in a solid voice.
An unbearable mixture of panic and hatred overcame her, "And how the hell do you know that?" she spat venomously.
Trey took a third step closer. His look was sickening and he spoke in a barely audible voice, "Because it would hurt him more than it would hurt me."
At that Trey turned to leave. Marissa felt like she was about to detonate. He then turned back to her, his expression now defeated and dark, "I'm Sorry."
Marissa waited until he heard the click of the front door before she ran into the bathroom. The nausea had returned and she made it to the toilet just in time.
She was totally and utterly out of her mind and when the sickness had gone she made no hesitation. She raced blindly to the cabinet, slid her sleeve up her arm, snatched up the razor blade and it stabbed into her wrist. Blood was falling everywhere… but it felt so good! Marissa's panting eased and finally she was able to soak up the oxygen more freely. So lost in her release, she jumped out of her skin when her bedroom phone chorused.
Her heart stopped and she carelessly dropped the blade and stepped into her room. Blood trickling down her arm, she stared at the phone as if it was a foreign object. Timidly she ambled to the receiver. Her fingers stroked the smooth plastic and finally she gathered the strength to answer. She held the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey it's Ryan! I'm home."