Thanks again for the great feedback! As always, it's very much appreciated! Okay, well I am so so SO excited about writing this story. When I first started out I had an idea of how I wanted this fic to go, but there were certainly lots of grey areas. But over the week, I've been able to have a good old think about it and I have it now all in my head. I'm hoping… its going to be one hell of a climax! Hehe! But you'll just have to keep reading! Hehe! And in response to xGoingUnderx, Seth and Summer will DEFINITELY be in this fic, in fact one of them will play an important role in the coming chapters so hold tight! Hehe!

So enough from me! On with the story shall we? Please review! Thanks so much once again! Love Hannah

Disclaimer: the OC is not mine and never will be sighs sadly

CHAPTER 4: SILENT IRONY

Ryan took out the last of his shirts from his suitcase and stacked them back into the cream shelves that stood by the walls of his beloved poolhouse. It had been just a couple of hours since he had called Marissa, but ever since he'd put the phone down something had been nagging at him. It wasn't a strong nag, but it was one of those nags that just vibrated against you and no matter what you did, it wouldn't relent.

He couldn't quite understand it. Marissa had been so odd on the phone. She'd been dismissive, and he'd noted that she was very anxious about something. She'd sounded reluctant to talk at all and seemed somewhat relieved to say goodbye.

But the thing that had stayed with him the most was the way she had hesitated to say "I love you" back to him. In the past she had always been the first one to say it, and she always said it with such meaning. Usually when she said it to him, the blood would pump in his heart and he'd feel so warm and electric. There simply was no better feeling in the world than having someone say it to you, and knowing you could return it.

But nothing in Marissa's words had nourished him this time. He hadn't been left feeling warm or reassured, but cold and vexed. And he'd never felt that from her before.

Still, no matter what may have been nudging at his insides all afternoon, Ryan was determined and convinced that he was worrying over absolutely nothing. There were a million and one reasons why Marissa had sounded the way she did, and they were all perfectly logical and plausible ones. After all, it had been noon on a vacation day, and it probably hadn't been the most ideal time to call anyone.

Nothing was wrong, everything was fine, he and Marissa were together again (as they should be), he was happy, she was happy, and now they'd be able to make up for all the lost time. Ryan had repeated this in his mind so many times that the nags were beginning to wear off… well almost.

Even if Ryan was feeling at a little unease, he was immediately humbled when he thought about the other important person in his life at the moment. He was absolutely thrilled that Trey had landed a job at the Bait Shop. Everything was finally going right for him. Sure, there had been several speed-bumps since his release from jail, but now Ryan had the feeling that there was nothing but flat road ahead. Now Trey had a job, a nice place to live, was close to family… now all he might need or want was… a girlfriend maybe?

At the thought Ryan managed to chuckle slightly. It was just funny, he thought. All this had happened to another Atwood not very long ago. Yeah… a girlfriend would be the cherry on top of the cake…

These thoughts reminded Ryan that he still hadn't called Trey to congratulate him. He placed the now-empty suitcase back on top of the shelf before heading back over his bedside table to the phone. He picked it up and dialled Trey's number. The other line rang four times before the answer machine chimed in.

"Trey Atwood. Please leave a message."

As the recording played, Ryan was slightly disappointed. He'd been hoping to talk with his brother and ask him about how his weekend was. He sighed in defeat as the beep buzzed over the phone.

"Hey man, it's Ryan. Um, listen, when you get in give me a call back, or somethin'. Good job on the gig at the Bait Shop! Okay, well, uh I'll see ya then. Bye."

After placing the phone back to the cradle, Ryan whipped away the slight perspiration that had amounted at his forehead and blew out. This was hot weather they were having, even in spring and by Californian standards. He pealed his shirt off, revealing his wife-beater.

Winter was definitely over, he thought to himself. Even Marissa couldn't possibly be cold in this heat…

X

Marissa blinked her exhausted eyes open and raised her head from the pocket she'd made from her crossed arms. She was still on the bathroom floor, where she'd remained ever since Ryan's phone call. She felt like someone had thrown a bag of bricks through her intestines. Everything ached; her legs, her chest, her stomach, even the freckles on her cheeks seemed to sting. Her face was drenched in sweat and tears. Faint nausea throbbed up and down her insides. Unbelievable hunger punched at her, but the mere thought of eating food made her feel worse. Not even water seemed desirable.

She bowed her head again and let a further flow of tears bleed out of her eyes. She was so weighed down with sadness, terror and guilt that it pained her to even move. She simply didn't have the physical strength to move. Her mind was racing at such a pace that everything was now murky and slashed up in an immense mess of nothingness.

Still shaking, for the hundredth time that afternoon, Marissa gingerly held out her wrists. No matter how many times she saw them, the same agony stuck at her every time when she saw the damage she had inflicted on herself. Eight scratches now appeared on her left arm, and five on her right. Raw redness surrounded each wound and they itched uncontrollably. She grated her fingernails against them, trying to scratch out the irritation, but it only made it worse.

She hated herself so much! Why was she doing this! Sure, at the time it felt nice, but coming down was almost twice as bad as the pain she felt before. She groaned bitterly and ran her fingernails through her greasy, unkempt hair.

As much as it weighed down on her, all Marissa wanted to do was stay there forever. She didn't know how on earth she was going to survive tonight. How was she ever going to get by Ryan feeling and looking like this? Finally however, she convinced herself against her thoughts and forced herself into a standing position. Her legs quivered at the weight at first, until she was able to stumble into the bedroom.

The first thing she noticed was that it was getting dark outside. How long had she been sitting in there? She turned her eyes to her clock.

"Shit!" Marissa gasped at the time. It was already a-quarter-past-six! Ryan would be here in under an hour and she wasn't even fit for a trip to the grocery store. Suddenly, filled with a burst of adrenaline, Marissa went into gear to be ready for seven.

X

The front doorbell chorused at seven-o-three, to be exact. Fatigued, Marissa checked herself over one last time in the mirror. She was utterly exhausted from the struggle to be dressed in time. But as she looked at herself, ensuring that every last scar and bruise was covered up by clothing and make-up, Marissa almost had herself convinced, though inside she felt as if an astroid had exploded. It took her every muscle to keep her hands steady from shaking, or her eyes from erupting with salty tears.

Grabbing her purse Marissa exited her room for only the second time that entire day. The fresh air struck at her abruptly and she coughed. She checked that her mother was still not home before making the arduous and painful journey down the stairs to the front door.

"Hey!" she said in what she hoped was a bright and normal voice.

Ryan was caught unawares for a moment after as he studied the girl who stood in front of him. Something wasn't… right. True, she looked absolutely stunning. Her hair cascaded in waves down her back, she wore a beautiful emerald green dress that stopped just above her knees and she had a purple shade of shadow over her eyelids. But still… something jabbed at Ryan immediately at the sight of her. Her face was ghostly pale, even with her rosy-coloured blush, and her eyes didn't behold their usual soft, sincere gaze. Instead they were wide and held an element of fear.

Marissa's heart gave a violent thump. "What is it?" she asked casually, and she added a giggle.

Ryan suddenly realised he hadn't said anything yet. He smiled at her, "You look beautiful."

Marissa breathed a long-held sigh of relief, which quickly dispatched when Ryan took a step forward. He took her hand in one of his, wrapped his second arm around her waist and drew her in for a kiss. Their lips met for what seemed like an eternity. Marissa's insides tensed, hating the feeling of being touched by someone else and she yearned for release, but didn't dare say a word.

Ryan felt Marissa's entire body ripple at his touch. He pulled away from her and looked at her, searching through her face. He was instantly confused, but after a moment Marissa's face brightened up again and she gave him one her contagious smiles. He once again brushed away his unnerving feelings.

"Ready to head off?" he asked and he smiled back.

He took note of a definite draw of breath from Marissa before her reply, "Sure am!"

As they walked towards the car, Ryan noticed the white sweater Marissa was wearing over her garment. Even though the temperature had dropped for the night, it was still considerably warm.

Ryan pointed to the sweater, "Aren't you a little hot?" he chuckled.

Innately, Marissa drew the sleeves further over her wrists, terrified, "Yeah… well," she managed a smile at least.

Ryan shook his head. He would never get her thing with the cold, but that wasn't what confused him...

A while later, Ryan and Marissa were seated at the beach-side restaurant that Ryan had suggested. The more the night drew on, the harder the nags Ryan had been feeling all day minced at his veins. He took in Marissa's profile, which had increasingly deteriorated throughout the night. He looked down at her plate as she played around with her untouched pizza slice with her unused fork.

Marissa stared at the piece of food before her, trying to pep herself into taking just one small bite. Her stomach said yes, but her mind, and her throat, protested violently. The nausea crept in just considering the pizza's taste in her mouth. The night had gone horribly so far. They'd hardly spoken… well she'd hardly spoken. Ryan was the one doing all the talking. She was trying to be herself, but it was impossible. It was too hard. She couldn't just forget what happened… not even for Ryan. The realisation made her want to implode.

"Why aren't you eating?" Ryan asked, there was a distinct element of force through his voice.

Looked Marissa looked at him and gave him a horrified look that only bewildered him more. What the hell is going on with her?

"I'm just not that hungry," Marissa mumbled, and tried to smile, but it turned out to be just a sad grimace than anything else. Her wrists were burning with irritation. She gritted her teeth as she tried to resist the temptation to scratch. She prayed that Ryan would take the hint and he'd drop the subject. He was veering near very dangerous territory.

But Ryan wasn't done, "You look as though you haven't eaten all day. Are you feeling sick?" Ryan now looked worried, and more than ever she yearned to tell him the truth. It was choking her.

She swallowed hard, "Ryan really I'm fine!" she said with more snap than she meant, and he gave her a quizzical look that made her want to melt into the ground.

But finally Ryan decided it was pointless trying to get anything out of her, and so he decided to change the subject to something a bit more cheerful. Maybe what Marissa needed was some praise. He smiled.

"You know, I can't thank you enough for helping Trey out over the weekend..."

Marissa entire body bristled. Her breath jaggered. Her bruises pressed into her skin. The emotion at the back of her eyes was at breaking point.

"…I think now everything's going to be okay for him. He's finally on the right track…"

Her wrists flared. Her heart smashed. She felt her spine give a sickening tremble. The nausea was indescribable.

"…and it's all thanks to you."

It was all she could take. She stood up so abruptly, she knocked a glass of the table.

It smashed into a thousand pieces.

Ryan looked at her with horror.

"I'm sorry! I have to go!" Marissa said tearfully.

Ryan head hammered. "W-wha- I don't-"

"I just… have… to… I'm so sorry!" she turned to leave. Her face was burning.

Ryan watched her go, breathing hard, his mind racing. What just happened?

Something was wrong. He didn't know what had gotten into his girlfriend, but this Marissa certainly wasn't the same Marissa he'd kissed goodbye three days ago.

Hope you liked it! It took a while to write, coz I was having a bit of trouble, but I think it's ok now! Cya next time!