WOWIES! Thanks guys! That's all I can really say! I had such a generous response last chapter and it's really quite overwhelming! Really, it's soo appreciated! Virtually two seconds after I posted Chapter 7, I got to work on this chapter. I've had more fun than ever writing this fan fiction. I'm really excited because very very soon, all of this stuff that's happened over the past chapters will finally come to a climax! Please stay tuned! I can only hope that it's as good as I'm cracking it up to be… that would be rather embarrassing actually! Haha! Oh and to answer someone's question of the continuation of this story after the climax, the answer is OF COURSE! Hehe! This story's not over yet! Lol! So please enjoy this chapter! Oh and sorry if it's rather long! But there's so much to include! Haha! Hopefully it will leave you eager for more! Love and Light, Hannah
Disclaimer: Don't own Newport Beach… or The Harbor School… or the Cohen Mansion…. or the sacred pool house… or the characters … NOT EVEN BEN!…. I feel so deprived. Lol!
CHAPTER 8 – BROKEN PHOTOGRAPH
That night, Ryan excused himself from dinner, saying he didn't feel so good after an off lunch. In truth, he did feel ill, but for reasons other than food poisoning. Today had been one of the most frustrating days since he'd arrived in Newport. He felt as if this giant black stormcloud had just descended over him. He couldn't understand what was going on even if he tried. All he needed right now was a chance to think, and to run everything through his weary head. But as it turned out, his solitude wasn't achieving anything; there was too much flooding his brain for it to think logically anymore.
He sighed lifelessly. First Marissa, now Trey. Both of them were hiding something. There were so many questions… so many unanswered questions. He rubbed his temples in irritation and snapped his eyes shut at an attempt to ease the swirling emotion. He didn't know how much longer he could handle it. He reopened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling and stared absently.
With another sigh, Ryan turned his head slowly and caught sight of the single silver photoframe that was propped up on the bedside table. Carefully, he reached his hand over, picked it up and drew it over his chest. A deep sadness captured him as he took in the image of a long ago yesterday: Ryan and Marissa stood at the bottom of the Ferris Wheel just moments after their very first kiss. They stood hand in hand. Their foreheads were touching. Their lips were almost meeting. Marissa bore the most beautiful soft smile, and Ryan looked at her as if he had finally found his place in his new home. The remains of that turbulent summer were finally being washed away.
Ryan thought back to the day when Marissa had given him the photo. She'd been so excited, calling it something special that they could share even when they were apart... "You have one, I have one… Ryan! Don't look at me that way! I'm a girl, that's what we do! I know it's kinda corny, but this way, even in hard times, you will always know how I feel about you." …
Ryan breathed jaggedly. That moment seemed so totally far away and hidden in the past now. It had been too long since he'd seen Marissa smile like that. Her happiness had faded and all that seemed to remain was the burden of some deep and horrible hurt.
Quickly, before he let the sorrow consume him, he blinked his eyes and willed away the light film of emotion that had developed. Then he remembered something about this picture that he'd almost forgotten. Gently he undid the backing of the frame and released the photograph. He turned it over and read with a heavy heart Marissa's inscription on the back:
Dear Ryan,
I will always love you, no matter what.
Marissa.
"No matter what," Ryan repeated to himself in a whisper. He continued to look at the picture and wondered if, by any chance at all, Marissa might just be doing the same thing…
After a while, he replaced the photo into the frame and stood it back on the table, but still he could not draw his eyes away from it until a knock at the door distracted him. He groaned dejectedly. He'd already explained that he wasn't hungry.
"Not now Seth," he answered the tapping in monotone.
"Actually, it's Summer," her voice startled Ryan as it fed through the door. "Can I come in?"
Intrigued, Ryan got up from the bed and walked over the door and unlocked it. When he pulled the door open he was met with Summer's unusual worry-strained face.
Ryan smiled at her warmly, despite his current mood, "Hey Summer," and he looked at her quizzically, "You after Seth? Well surprisingly enough, he's not here. He's up in the –"
"Uh, actually," Summer cut in, "I was hoping I could talk to you." Her eyes filled with a deeper element of concern and Ryan did little but guess why she was here. "Can I come in?"
His smiled faded and he nodded slowly, "Sure."
Ryan opened the door wider for Summer to step in. They exchanged glances before she proceeded, "It's about Marissa."
Again Ryan nodded, the same distant sadness in his eyes, but he didn't respond just yet.
She fought back silent tears as she continued. "I'm really worried about her Ryan." she whispered.
Ryan looked her back in the eye. "Me too, Summer."
By now the tears pricked her face. "I mean have you seen her? She looks terrible! She's losing weight, sh-she's avoiding everyone at school, she's making up excuses."
"I know." Ryan answered, and he sat down tiredly back on the bed and covered his face with his hands, "I know. I haven't stopped thinking about her."
Summer's face fell even further as she looked at Ryan's sunken face and she knew at once that he was at as much a loss as she was. She shook her head, "So you don't know what's wrong either?"
Ryan shook his head, "Believe me Summer, if I knew, I wouldn't be here right now."
Even though she knew his answer would be something like that, knowing that Ryan also didn't know brought even greater sadness to her. She dropped her head and wiped away the now rapidly falling tears from her face. "I just don't know what to do! She always used to be so honest with me…" her voiced trailed off as she struggled to say what was coming next, "but now… she's just a… a completely –"
"– different person." Seth's flat voice grasped both Ryan's and Summer's attention. They both looked at him as Seth also stepped into the poolhouse and closed the door behind him.
"Cohen!" relieved to see him, Summer wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. Seth rubbed her back gently and kissed her on the forehead.
"Did you tell Ryan what happened today?" Summer asked him. As he shook her head, a confused frown covered Ryan's face.
Seth and Summer took a seat on the bed while Ryan looked at them.
"Tell me what?"
Summer spoke in between her tears, "Well, Seth was going to tell you this afternoon…"
"…but I thought I'd wait until tonight so we could all discuss it together," Seth finished.
Ryan nodded and waited expectantly.
Seth sighed, "Okay, well today at lunch, I caught Marissa throwing her entire lunch out into the bin. So I decided I'd talk to her… try and coax some of… whatever it is out of her." He paused and looked across to Ryan who was busily processing the information. He took a breath and continued, "So, it started out fine, but straight away I knew she was hiding something. And Ryan, as I asked her about the food thing…" Seth looked into oblivion as a look of utter confusion came over his face, "…she looked so sad…. and… and so scared…" Ryan nodded, eyes facing towards the ground, and waited for more. "So, I decided to change the subject, you know, try and cheer her up… I, I can't even remember what I said… something about her sweater or something I guess, and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me, telling me to keep out of it and leave her alone. Then she just walked off crying."
"…and so that explains why she looked so upset when I found her at her locker," Ryan concluded.
Seth then remembered something else that he'd nearly forgotten, "Oh! And another thing happened." Both Ryan and Summer looked at him expectantly, "As I watched her get up from the table…" Seth wracked his brains for the right words to describe it, "…I dunno, it was almost as if she flinched… or something… like she was in pain."
"In pain?" Ryan echoed. That was certainly news to him, and it appeared to be news to Summer as well.
Seth shrugged at their faces, "But I could be wrong… I mean, I was a fair way away."
"Well, I think," Summer said, "whatever happened happened sometime over the weekend when you two were in Miami. I mean, she was absolutely fine before that."
Ryan agreed, "And when I rang her after I came home, she didn't sound like herself."
"Okay," Seth nodded, "So what did she do that weekend while we were gone?"
Ryan already had the answer to that one, "She was with Trey. She was helping him find a job."
That led Ryan to inform the two of them about his argument with his brother and Jess in the courtyard that afternoon. Summer was positively fuming over Jess's snide comments.
"God! That crack-smacking-condom-sucking skank!" Despite everything, Ryan and Seth couldn't help but chuckle at Summer's outburst.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Ryan replied with a grin.
The moment passed and the atmosphere turned once again solemn and grave. Seth looked at Ryan, unsure whether he should ask, but eventually spoke, "Ryan… you don't suppose… Trey and Marissa… you don't think they may have..."
"…hooked up?" Ryan answered. He wasn't angry or offended, but instead seemed prepared. Ryan stared at their fallen expressions and shrugged wearily and sighed. "At…at first, I did have perhaps a small suspicion that something like that might have happened. I mean, everything kinda points to that answer if you think about it."
Summer cut in shaking her head, "No, Ryan! Marissa would never do that to you. She'd never betray you like that." She gestured to him, "she told me so herself how happy she was to be back with you after all this time."
Ryan smiled sadly and nodded at her, letting her know silently that he no longer had those thoughts through his mind. Summer returned the smile. He really does love her, she thought.
For what seemed like hours, the three of them sat in complete silence, running through everything that had been shared; trying to piece everything together.
At last Seth said, "Well, we have to get it out of her some how. She's killing herself keeping it a secret."
There was another silence. Summer looked at Ryan, "So… what do we do?"
Ryan exchanged glances with the two of them. For a moment he didn't know what to do. Everything seemed hopeless, no matter what he, or anyone did.
He looked around the room, trying to breathe away the emotion in his throat, when he caught sight once again of the photo. Simply staring at her once happy face gave him the determination he needed, and he then was reminded of a promise:
No matter what.
He turned to Seth and Summer, swallowed and nodded at both of them.
"Whatever it takes."
X
The next morning, Marissa stumbled out of the bathroom and almost collapsed to the floor. She felt so weak! She could hardly lift her head anymore; she could barely walk straight; couldn't see properly in front of her. She'd had no sleep, no food and hardly any water. And even after an entire week her bruises had scarcely healed at all. The same ugly black marks still stained her skin and a constant swell of pain clung to her. Her wrists were so itchy they burnt with irritation without resistance.
She staggered over to the bed and fell forward, catching herself by her arms from falling into the sheets. She breathed deeply and loudly as a tear slid off her nose. She hated herself; she despised herself. She was making everything so much worse for everyone. What was she going to do? She couldn't keep going like this. She couldn't keep this burden much longer. But she couldn't tell anyone either. She was trapped, pressed down by this weight of sadness and guilt.
Marissa turned her sights to her beloved photograph – the one with her and Ryan together at the Kick-off Carnival. The image brought further sadness to her. She sobbed audibly. That picture seemed like such a lie now. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to be happy anymore. That sensation had completely expired from her.
But she couldn't linger he any longer. She had to make it to school; had to make it one day at a time. And with a considerable heave of strength she stood up straight, picked up her bag and walked out the door of her secret haven to face yet another day of torture.
X
Ryan walked in to the school alone. As he entered through the doors he saw the banner promoting the Junior Prom for that night. It had been the subject of all talk for the passed few days, but this was the first time he'd noticed it, let alone known it was on at all. Immediately he thought of asking Marissa, but had the distinct feeling that the Prom was the furthest thing from her mind as well.
He thought back to the previous night and remembered the pact he, Seth and Summer had all made. The best thing for Marissa right now was to let her know that no one is going to leave her or give up to her... no matter what happens.
He walked through the halls and caught sight of her at her locker, looking more exhausted and ill than she ever had. He watched her as she finished unpacking her books, and then weakly rested her head on the door of the locker. She looked so sad. Breathing deeply, he approached her, at first unsure of what to say when he reached her.
"Hey," he said quietly.
Marissa jumped, startled and spun around. Ryan tried not to let her see the great wave of worry that consumed him at the sight of her ashened face. Marissa looked to the floor, "Hi."
Her heart began to thump. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore. If she didn't look up, it wouldn't be as hard to lie.
But Ryan went on, maintaining his soft voice, "So," he said, "Do you want to go with me to the Prom tonight?"
Marissa gasped. That was tonight? She was supposed to be organising it as well! Well, she thought, obviously someone had prepared it, so that was soon the least of her worries.
Ryan was asking her to the Prom? Despite everything that had happened? Despite her behaviour? Despite the horrible secret he knew she was keeping from him? He was! And for the first time in too long, her heart was filled with something other than pain or sorrow, but instead… thankfulness… contentment. And at last she looked up at him and for the first time since everything… she smiled at him.
Ryan too was relieved. "What? You didn't think I'd forgotten did you?" he frowned jokingly.
Marissa side-glanced, embarrassed, "Well… I had." She bit her lip.
And at that Ryan grinned and nodded, "Yeah, me too!"
All of a sudden, Marissa found herself… giggling! Ryan smiled at her lovingly. At last he was getting through to her… something was happening. It was small… but it was something.
For an extended moment they just stood looking at each other, before Ryan spoke up, "So you want to?"
Marissa was unsure. Should she? She wasn't sure if she was ready for that. What if this was as far as she could go? She sighed, and looked at him, her expression transforming, "Ryan… I- "
"Isn't this a nice picture!" came a voice that made both of their blood boil over. Simultaneously, Ryan and Marissa turned their attention to Jess, who posed in front of them, her arms wrapped around her books.
Ryan snarled, "What now Jess?" He saw Marissa shudder at the corner of his eye.
Jess shrugged, smiling, "Nothing. I was just walking by and heard the mention of Prom and I had to stop!"
Scoffing, Ryan shook his head in disbelief, "That's bullshit Jess. You're a Senior. You're Prom's not until next week."
Jess nodded, "That's true, Ryan. Good to see you're keeping up with the times," she rolled her eyes. "But pass up a chance to party and get a fix? I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Marissa had a bad feeling about where this was heading. She glanced over nervously to Ryan, whose jaw bone was clenched tight with fury.
"You really are one messed up slut," said Ryan.
"I don't know Ryan," Jess's eyes flashed with delight and she turned her gaze to Marissa, who was gripping her bag. Jess smiled and didn't draw her eyes away from her, "takes one to know one, huh Cooper?"
Despite his anger, Ryan couldn't help but look at Marissa. A ripple of shock seemed to pass through her body from head to toe. Ryan's heart began to beat.
Marissa felt like she'd been stabbed by a spear. Her eyes filled once again with tears, "I-I've gotta go. Sorry Ryan." She was so humiliated!
Before Marissa had a chance to get out of earshot, Jess threw her one last assault, "Okay Coop! Guess I'll see you there tonight then… Oh! And Trey'll be there too!"
Marissa stopped. The feeling was indescribable. Across her eyes, fleeting images of Trey and that horrible night replayed themselves. All her senses were blazing. Ryan watched her with wild concern and confusion. She seemed to melt into the ground before his very eyes.
Jess leaned against the locker, a grin across her face.
Marissa spun around, trembling and tears sliding down. Her eyes were shrivelled with obscene fear. Then, to Ryan's horror, her entire body gave way. Her knees buckled and her eyes rolled to the top of her head. As she began to fall limply, Ryan got behind her and caught her. "Marissa!"
Then the moment passed and Marissa was aware of herself again in Ryan's arms. Images of the night on the beach punched at her once again. Then everything climaxed and she gave a piercing whimper.
"Get off me!" terrified, she pushed Ryan hard away from her. Ryan was shocked and breathless. By now most of the students stood transfixed and watching, including Seth and Summer.
"What is it, Marissa?" Ryan breathed, utterly confused.
Jess simply stood back with that same fake smile across her face.
"I'm so sorry Ryan!" Marissa whimpered through blinding tears. "I have to get out of here!"
And with that, oblivious to the dozens of pairs of eyes that were watching her go, Marissa ran towards the exit and disappeared down the road just as the bell rang to go to first class.
When the excitement had passed, the Harbor students lost interest and began making their way to their subjects, including Jess. But Ryan stayed back, staring furiously at the door to the building, trying to make sense of how the hell things could have gone from considerably bad to so much worse. What did Jess mean by all those comments? Why had Marissa fainted?
"You okay buddy?" came Seth's voice, then comforting hand on his shoulder. Ryan turned to see both he and a crying Summer behind him.
"Oh my God Ryan," Summer choked, "That was just… horrible!"
The three of them stood silently in the middle of the deserted hall. Ryan nodded, and looked to the ground to calm his aching head. He was so hurt and angry. But he wasn't going to give in. He wasn't going to abandon her. He'd made a promise.
He raised his head and looked at them. "We shook on it. We're not giving up."
X
That night Seth and Summer sat outside Marissa's house in the car. Both were dressed in their Prom outfits, but the Prom was the last thing on their minds. They exchanged glances.
"Are you sure about this?" Seth asked nervously. "I mean, are you sure we don't need Ryan?"
Summer sighed, and turned to Seth and pleaded, "Seth, I'm her best friend. I need to at least try. I can't just sit back and watch her."
Seth smiled weakly, "Okay. Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.
But Summer shook her head, "It's okay Cohen," she leant in and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I'll be back."
Summer stepped out of the car. A flurry of emotions were running through her. She hadn't seen Marissa since the morning, and no one had heard from her. Summer remembered the pact and tried to tell herself that all wanted was to let her friend know there was always an ear open if she wanted to talk. She didn't want Marissa to give up on her friendships. But no matter how much she wanted to follow this philosophy, she couldn't deny that she was also angry at Marissa for doing this to everyone. Whatever she was keeping, it was doing far more harm to everyone than good.
Summer was about to knock on the door, but didn't have to when she saw it was already open. Julie was out yet again. "God! That is one busy MILF!" she mumbled.
As she climbed up the stairs, the strings in veins tightened. She wasn't sure what good this was going to do, or whether it would do any at all. Still, she had to at least try, for everyone's sake.
"Coop?" she knocked on the door.
Marissa drew the blade from her wrist and stared at the tapping door in terror.
"Shit!" she whispered sharply and Marissa quickly slipped on a thick sweater to cover up the leaking blood.
She walked timidly towards the door and opened it. When she saw Summer dressed in her beautiful magenta gown, a shudder went up her spine.
Summer frowned and wasted no time, "Why aren't you dressed yet? We're going to be late."
Marissa shook her head sadly, "I'm not going Sum."
Summer's heart sank. She had to stay calm. She was here to help Marissa, not to freak her out even more. She tried again, "But Ryan's going to be waiting for you there."
Marissa hid her face, "I can't go Summer."
Summer wasn't done, "Sorry Coop, but yes you are." And she made her way to Marissa's closet despite her protests. She opened the doors, and began searching through her dresses. "Okay, let's see what we've got here."
Marissa could feel her patience dwindling. It wasn't Summer's fault. She was only trying to cheer her up… but she just couldn't handle this. Still, though, Summer did not let up.
"The white strapless Gucci?"
"Um, no thanks."
"I agree. Something less bridal. Oh! I know, the red Prada. Colour of power!"
"No." she said in between clenched teeth. Why couldn't she just drop this!
"Fine, so something more beachy then. How about your blue Chanel?"
"I don't think so."
Summer closed her eyes to calm herself. She couldn't lose it. She couldn't give up. Stick to the pact!
Marissa breathed deeply, trying to stop herself from doing something she'd regret. It wouldn't be fair to take this out on Summer. She could never do that to her best friend.
"The black Gucci? They say black is so last year, but nothing says 'sexy' better than-"
"- Oh for Christ's sake Summer! Just piss off!" Marissa snapped and yelled the words before she could think what she'd just done.
Summer froze and stared with teary eyes at Marissa. She was at first too shocked to respond until her voice returned, "What did you say me?" she said dangerously.
Marissa felt numb. She covered her mouth with her trembling hand. What had she done! "I-I'm s-sorry Summer, I didn't mean to-"
"You know what Marissa? Forget it!" Summer cut in loudly. "You know? All week I have tried to be there for you, I've tried not to let it get to me like this. But it's just too hard." Marissa was silent and she watched Summer as she wiped her eyes furiously, "You keep lying to me, and I'm tired of seeing you like this; tired of finding you so upset. And… I'm really sorry about whatever is that's gone wrong in your life, but how am I… how is anyone supposed to help you when you won't tell anyone the truth?"
Tears streaked Marissa's face now too and both looked at each other with wrenched expressions. Summer went on, "And you're hurting us Marissa. You're hurting me, you're hurting yourself," she paused and bit her lip, "and you're hurting Ryan… so much… he's, he's trying so hard, but he's not going to be able to do this for much longer Coop."
Before Marissa had a chance to reply, Summer turned and walked slowly out of the room and down the stairs to Seth. Seth saw her exit the house in tears and opened the door for her, "Didn't go so well?" he asked sweetly after she'd calmed down.
Summer raised her head from his shoulder after a moment and looked at him desperately, "We need Ryan."
X
Meanwhile, Marissa still stood frozen up in her room. What had she done! She'd screwed up so bad! Her mind was clouded full of voices and images. Trey. The beach. Screaming. The pain. The bruises. The hysteria. The release. The blood. Ryan. The hiding. The phone conversation. The lying. The guilt. The regret. The sweater. Summer. Seth. Jess. The Prom. The fight. The secret.
It was too much, and all of a sudden an unbelievable burst of emotion exploded from her body. In a blinding fit of rage, Marissa began throwing anything she could put her finger on. She screamed and yelled through her tears. She was aware of the sound smashing glass but she couldn't stop. She ran to her dressing table and swiped up all her perfumes and threw them at the wall. She ripped her clock out of its socket in the wall, and hurdled it across the room. She picked up an old glass of water and chucked it to the ground. She didn't care what it was; she didn't know what it was. But she couldn't stop.
She screamed again, and with one last surge of strength picked up one last object and slammed into the wall. But the sound that came from the smashing object brought her back to reality. Her eyes came back into focus just in time to see her beloved photoframe of her and Ryan shatter into pieces. Marissa stopped and stared transfixed.
"Oh no!" she whimpered. "No, no, no!" she got her knees and started picking up the beads of glass that had crippled from the frame and tried fitting them back in. It was hopeless. She picked up the photo frame gingerly, but the entire thing fell apart in her fingers. A tear leaked down her cheek. It wasn't broken! It couldn't be broken. But it was. The naked photo was in her hands now. It was creased and a little ripped. Marissa stroked it gently. Her heart was beating fast. She turned it over to read the inscription on the back.
Dear Marissa,
I'm not good with notes… er, yeah. But this photo idea thing of yours… not so corny!
But I guess… thankyou for always being there for me.
I love you.
Ryan.
"Oh Ryan!" she sobbed. She kissed the photo gently and rested it on her hot cheek. "I'm sorry Ryan!"
She put the photo down and bowed her head. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep this up any longer. She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him a lie. She was lost and couldn't be found anymore.
She needed to end it.
With her mind a mess with so many thoughts, Marissa barely knew what she was doing when she got up from the floor and made her way outside the room. She walked aimlessly down the hall to Caleb's deserted study. She knew where he kept it. Her Mom had mentioned it a couple of times. She entered the room and made her way to the bottom draw of the desk. She opened and revealed the silver pistol.
Quivering, she reached in and took hold of the gun. Her eyes wide with panic, she walked back into her room, the gun in her hand and shut the door silently behind her.
Oh! Sorry it was such a long chapter! I didn't intend to make it this long! Haha! But there was so much to include, and I didn't want to haul it over to another chapter otherwise it would have destroyed some of the major links! Still, I hope you enjoyed it! Can't wait til next time! Love Hannah!