YIKES! I never would have thought I'd get so much great feedback for my last chapter! It was very humbling, so thankyou all very, very much! I'm on my school holidays for the next week, so hopefully I'll be able to make some quick updates! I love writing and it's a real pleasure to write this story for you guys! So let's get on with the next chapter eh? Love Hannah xox
Disclaimer: I don't own the OC... so sad.
Warning: Language: Throughout this story, I have used swear words to help emphasise the mood of the scene. I'll firstly start by saying that I actually NEVER swear in real life. I'm actually kind of against it. However, I like to put myself in the character's shoes when I write and sometimes a swear word seems necessary for the scene. That being said, I just wanted to warn readers that this chapter in particular gets fairly… let's say… verbal haha! So I just thought I'd include this little warning in case anyone got a little shocked! Haha!
Okies… NOW on with the next chapter! Enjoy and as always R+R!
CHAPTER 9: BLEED
Ryan sat at one of the beautifully decorated tables. He sighed miserably as he tried to block out the umpteen smartly dressed couples who pranced and danced around him. He was alone, and was fairly certain things would stay that way that way that night. He hadn't spoken or heard from Marissa since the disastrous morning before. He'd knocked on her front door but she hadn't opened. He'd phoned her but she hadn't answered. He'd text her but she hadn't replied. Everything was just so screwed up now.
Actually, Ryan could hardly believe that he'd actually gone through with this whole Prom thing if he knew she wouldn't show up. He was just fooling himself really, but he was still clinging on to the strand of hope that she would. He'd left her a voice message telling her he'd be waiting for her... but… he questioned whether she'd even listened.
The drone of the current love song that was being played pierced through Ryan's ears and scratched at his skull. All the colour had been drained from his world… and the saddest thing was… he had no idea why.
"You look as if you'd rather set fire to this place," came sudden familiar voice. Ryan raised his heavy head and saw Trey standing there. His hands dug into the pockets of his creased tuxedo. His hair was unkempt; face slightly unshaven; dark circles clouded his eyes. He looked as if he'd been in bed for a week.
The two glowered at each other for a brief moment. Then Ryan relented, "Like wise," he replied flatly and nodded at his appearance. Trey snorted and a hint of a smile of understanding formed on his face. Ryan couldn't help but give him the same.
"Look at us man," Trey shrugged, "Attending a Newport Prom. Who would'a thought? Two years ago we would have gotten our heads smashed in if we'd said that."
Ryan turned his eyes to the tablecloth, "I guess," then he titled his head back up to his older brother, "But things are different now right?"
Oddly, Trey seemed unnerved by this comment and he shuffled uneasily on his feet. But almost as quickly he collected himself and nodded at Ryan.
"Right."
The two of them exchanged stares at each other. Ryan didn't know what had gotten into Trey these last few days, but whatever it was, he wanted to at least set their differences aside for this one night.
Ryan sighed and stood up, not breaking his gaze from Trey, "So… we good?" he extended a fisted hand.
Trey's eyes wandered nervously as he seemed to consider a truce. Finally though, he knocked his knuckles against Ryan's and he nodded, "Yeah. We're good."
Despite this however, Ryan still saw the undeniable flash of fear that flickered through Trey's eyes. Trey fiddled with the knot of his tie and cleared his throat nervously, "I'm, uh, gonna go look around the place," he said, "It's not everyday I get to be in a place like this."
Ryan eyed Trey unsurely, trying to uncover a hint or clue regarding his brother's blatant attempt to get away from him. But nevertheless Ryan nodded, "Sure."
Trey soon disappeared into the sea of partying Harbor students and Ryan, watching him go with a spinning head sat back down at the otherwise deserted table.
A few lonely and incomprehensible minutes passed and there was still no sign of Marissa. Ryan tried to cheer himself up with the reassurance that Seth and Summer would soon be here to make him feel a little better, but thus far even that wasn't helping.
His mood was not at all helped with the arrival of Jess. Ryan thought he'd never see the day when he'd catch her out of her slut attire and wearing something remotely elegant… if you considered a virtually see-through mini-gown as elegant. Ryan rolled his eyes as she approached him sultrily. He glared at her fiercely.
"Poor Atwood," Jess said in her usual way, "Sitting here all alone without a soul in the world to talk to you."
"You're making excellent progress by not considering yourself one," Ryan snorted. It took every muscle in his body not to smash her head inside out.
"You're so quick off the mark," Jess poked. Her eyes flared dangerously, "So Marissa decided not to show up in the end?"
"She thinks and she's got eyes!" Ryan snarled. At that he'd had enough. He wasn't going to hang around here any longer. The strand of hope had officially snapped. She wasn't coming and he wasn't going to be butchered by Jess's crap as a substitute.
"Okay, well when you see Marissa again… that's if you see her again," Ryan turned around slowly and drilled an icy glare her way, "tell her Trey says 'Hi!'."
Ryan shook his head bitterly in disgust and made his way through the oblivious crowd to the door. It was at that same exact moment when Seth and Summer appeared at the entrance. Ryan noticed Summer slightly run make-up and Seth's considerably flushed cheeks almost immediately and knew something was up.
"Hey," he said hesitantly and his eyes wandered between the two, "What took you two so long?"
Summer spoke first, "Thank God you're still here!" Ryan saw her whole body lightly shaking. Her voice was unsteady.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"You need to come. Right now," Seth answered. "We were just at Marissa's…"
Ryan's eyes widened.
Summer nodded and continued, "…and she lost it on me. Like she did at Cohen." She looked at Ryan in a way he'd never seen her look before. She was utterly desperate and determined in one. Her eyes were livid with fury and fear combined, "This has to end now. Tonight. It's driving everyone crazy and people are getting hurt."
Ryan looked at their distressed faces in vain. His usual first instinct would be to go to Marissa's house and have yet another go himself, but he'd lost so much heart. He was exhausted. He was on the verge of giving up. He sighed mournfully, "But we've tried so many times. If we do this again how is it going to be different from all the other times?" He looked to the ground as a wash of emotion threatened to overwhelm him. "Why me?" he added quietly.
Summer didn't give up. She took hold of Seth's hand. She stepped towards Ryan. And then slipped her second hand into his. All three of them were now linked. Ryan looked up again and looked at her and Seth. Summer spoke barely audibly, but the force was seething in her voice. "Because I know that whatever had happened to Marissa has something to do with you. Because you're the one she wants to tell the least," she paused and let a tear fall down her face before she continued, "And because you're the one she wants to tell the most."
There was a spine-snapping silence as Summer's powerful words registered in Ryan's mind and he was suddenly filled with a sensational swell of new determination to a level he'd never felt. What was he thinking! He couldn't give up. Not now. Not ever. Ryan took a deep, long breath and at length nodded at Summer in particular.
It was time.
"Okay," he said to the two of them, "Let's go."
X
Through her blinding silent tears, Marissa sat on her bed and stared numbly at the weapon she held before her. She'd been sitting here for what seemed like days, just staring. Was she really going to do this? Was this the only way? In all her life she'd never imagined she'd be here. She never would have guessed this would be the final days she'd live: invaded; humiliated; broken.
As she began to register what she was about to do, her mind thought back to her not so distant past. She remembered standing out on the driveway of her old home, looking through her cell, waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up, and wondering if this was the way her life would be. Was this it? Was there nothing else beyond the life she was already so bored of? Then he had appeared; standing there with the cigarette hanging from his mouth; his over-confident speech; his obvious sign that he did not belong. And she'd wondered at that moment if maybe… just maybe… things would change.
Over the span of that emotional summer and then beyond he'd found her; guided her; saved her. He'd confronted his fears for her; protected her; forgiven her. He'd accepted her; embraced her… loved her.
And this was the thanks he was getting? A liar and now a coward. She'd forgotten who she was. All her identity had fleeted from her the night she'd been attacked. She'd hurt Ryan too much. She'd dragged her down with her. She didn't want to do this anymore. By doing this… she was saving him from any pain she was feeling.
Marissa lifted her hand, quivering and reached down to take hold of the gun. Tears streamed her face. She was blind to sight; deaf to sounds; dumb to words…
…But this was the only way…
X
Ryan pulled up in the Land Rover outside Marissa's house. Quietly he turned off the ignition and for a moment all that could be heard was the eerie rustling of the palms outside. He turned to Seth and Summer who sat hand in hand at the back. All three of them were reeled with anticipation and uncertainty.
Ryan breathed, "Okay. I'll go in," he looked between the two of them nervously, "This might take a while," his tone then turned low and deadly serious, "But whatever happens, don't let anyone else in the house. If her Mom comes home, think of something to drive her away."
Seth and Summer nodded solemnly. Then Seth spoke up, "I hate to be the barer of negativity and all but…" he gulped, "What if this doesn't work?"
Ryan looked into space. Seth had a relevant point. They'd been so caught up at the objective to get this out tonight that they'd hardly considered the worst case scenario. Finally however, Ryan decided he wouldn't let there be a worse case scenario. He'd do whatever it took, "I'm not going to leave until she tells me the truth," he said lowly.
Seth nodded and slapped Ryan on the shoulder, "Good luck man."
"We'll be here," Summer assured him. And Ryan exited the car…
X
I wonder what death is like? Marissa began thinking to herself. I wonder if there is a God, and whether Heaven is as wonderful as they say? Marissa was standing now, holding the gun in her hand. Did death hurt? Did it take a long time to happen, or was it instant? Would she regret it? What if it didn't work?
Her heart began to pound… the pounding of a heart on its final beats…
Ryan pushed though the ajar front door and made his way to the staircase. He took them took two steps at a time. His mind was a flurry. His stomach was aching…
Marissa began raising the pistol to her head. A look of obscene terror and shock consumed her…
He was almost at the top. Just three steps to go…
Three…
…two…
One.
"Maris-"
At that precise moment, Ryan grabbed the handle on the door and barged it open. What he saw was beyond any nightmare his mind could have ever conjured. He watched in complete horror as Marissa's eye-whites flashed and she dropped the pistol, petrified, to the floor at the sight of him.
"Holy…fuck." And before he had a chance to contain them, tears erupted from Ryan's eyes. He considered through his blistered mind what might have happened if he'd arrived any later. The emotion was suffocating.
At last, Marissa realised herself again. She took one look at Ryan's collapsing state and all the numbness that had surrounded her fled from her body. Suddenly every last inch of her began to blaze in blinding, unendurable pain. Her bruises pressed back into her chest. Her weariness punched back at her eyes. Her hunger scratched back into her stomach. But most and worst of her, beneath her large, hot sweater, her bloody wrists ignited with sheer agony unlike anything she'd ever felt. It was as if every last wound had reopened. The excruciation winded her as she looked at Ryan's distraught face through her own hot tears. And for many long moments all either could do was stare through their severe faces.
Finally, Ryan found himself again, although his entire body now quivered uncontrollably. His voice returned breathlessly, "What the…? What were you doing…? Why did you…?"
"Just go, Ryan!" Marissa pleaded through heavy, gutful sobs. She covered her swollen eyes with her shaking hand.
"Are you fucking insane!" the emotion of what he'd just seen was once again overwhelming him.
"It's better this way!" she shrieked.
Ryan scoffed huskily, the knot in his throat but tightening, "Oh right! So blowing your brains out is supposed to make this all better huh!"
Marissa could feel every bit of her frame rattling; like the calm before the plunge. Her strength was waning fast, but she had to… just HAD TO get it through his head, "You don't understand!"
"What Marissa, what? What the hell is it that I don't understand?" Ryan began to step closer.
"You have to leave. Now!"
Ryan didn't give up and he stepped closer, "Tell me! What is it you're keeping from me?"
"Get out of here Ryan!"
"God-damn-it Marissa I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is so wrong that you need a fucking gun to end it!"
Both were out of breath and Marissa stood heaving loudly. The tears continued leaking from her eyes. "Fine," she wheezed, "Then I'll leave." And she made a surge for the door.
But Ryan was there to stop her. He stepped in front of her blocking her throughway.
"No, no. You're not going anywhere."
"Move!"
"Not until you tell me what's going on." Ryan replied lowly. His voice wavered and he struggled to keep it steady under the emotion. He thought the strands in his throat were about to snap.
Marissa tried pushing through him once again, this time with a fierce bout of force, "Get out of the way!" she could hardly make Ryan out behind her watery vision.
Marissa was surprisingly strong and almost got away from him. At a final attempt Ryan lurched for Marissa's wrist as she made her way to the door. "Marissa don't do this!" he bellowed furiously. And at that he grabbed her wrist and began pulling her back.
Marissa felt Ryan's hand clamp hard onto her aching wrist. The pain grated at her so sharply she gave piercing whimper.
Immediately Ryan ceased as he witnessed her sickening ripple of pain.
He stopped.
Then she stopped.
They were silent.
His hand was still fixed around her wrist. He looked down briefly at her thick winter sweater. Then he raised his eyes back to Marissa's paralysed expression.
Ryan heaved, "Did I… hurt you?"
The fear was flooding out of her face, but even now Marissa was avoiding him. "No!" she said defensively. Her voice broke. "I'm fine!"
Ryan was suddenly hit with a realisation. Why hadn't he seen it before! The sweaters! The sweaters in spring! It was so obvious now! Why hadn't he realised? A swell of images clouded his vision, then they cleared and he looked at Marissa with a film of tears over his eyes.
"Show me your wrists." He said very, very clearly.
Marissa's heart slammed against her ribcage so hard it hurt. Innately she pulled her sweater sleeves farther over her hands. "No." she squeaked.
Ryan tried again. He was losing his cool, but he needed for her to do this herself. "Pull up… your sleeve," he said through clamped jaws. He could feel his pulse in his head.
"I'm outta here!" Marissa made a final attempt for the door. But Ryan's unbreakable hand pulled once again on her wrist. The pain swelled once again and she gave another crippling whimper.
"Show me."
Loud sobs burst from Marissa's mouth. "Letgo Ryan!" she pleaded desperately.
"Show me."
"Let go!"
"NOW!" he was on the brink of insanity. His body burnt. The tears streamed down Marissa's face as she fought desperately. Stop fighting it! He got his other arm and wrapped in around her waist to prevent her fierce, yet weakening attempts to get away from him. She was relenting. Not long now.
Marissa felt Ryan's arm around her and knew she was failing. She was falling. "GET OFF!" she screamed with her very final breath of strength. But she was already gone. At that, she yield to Ryan's hold. She melted her head into his shoulder and cried the agonising sobs into his shoulder.
Unable to contain them, the film of emotion released from Ryan's own eyes. He went with Marissa and wrapped his arms tight around her.
"I want to die! I want to die!" she choked sickeningly. "I want to die! I want to die!"
The words echoed through his ears and this only made him hold her tighter. They began buckling to the floor, still embraced; Marissa still leaking her emotions into his shoulder.
"You're not going to die," Ryan whispered back. "You're not going to die. You're still here and you don't have to do this anymore."
They finally came to the floor. And slowly and steadily Ryan pulled away from Marissa. Gently she lifted up her quivering hand. He knew what he would find but didn't know if he could handle seeing it. Ryan looked at Marissa's teary face and a wave of trust more powerful than they had ever shared passed between them.
Taking a deep breath, Ryan began slipping the sleeve up her arm. What he was met with made everything in his body turn inside out. The sight literally broke his heart. Too many wounds to count were slashed all the way up to her elbow joint. Some of them were now just scratches, but many… too many, were seeping with hot, sick blood. The skin around the cuts was painfully red and raw with irritation. To his dismay, it was all the same story on the other wrist. It took him everything not to be completely overwhelmed with sadness at Marissa's mutilated arms.
Ryan looked back at Marissa, who's quiet whimpers were the only sound that escaped her mouth.
At that, without even thinking about it, he picked Marissa up. She was so light! Marissa clung to him as he took her into the bathroom. He tried not to look at the bloody blade that rested in the basin, or the random splashes of blood that stained the white slippery surface. Marissa was almost completely limp when he put her down and drew her arms over the bath tub under the taps. He turned on the cold water.
Marissa yelped in pain as the icy liquid leaked into her scars. The pain at first was choking, then almost as quickly it receded and she gave in to the water's soothing stroke. Almost immediately she felt ounces of strength re-enter her broken body.
X
Trey stepped back into the ballroom, looking around nervously, making sure he could not see Ryan anywhere. He could hardly believe he'd actually agreed to come here tonight. He was making everything so much worse by seeing him; lying to him. The longer Ryan went without knowing the truth, the more anxious he became.
"There you are!" came Jess's unbearable purr from the dance-floor. Trey rolled his eyes. He was truly beginning to detest this girl.
"If you're going ask me to dance you can stick it up your ass," he growled.
But Jess wasn't interested in dancing or asses. She shook her head at him with a smile pasted across her face. Trey looked at it unsurely, "What?"
Jess shrugged, "Man are youin trouble!"
Immediately, Trey was unnerved. He began looking around furiously, "Why?" he spat, "Where's Ryan?"
Still smiling, Jess answered him, "He's gone. Summer Roberts and that dog-shit of a boyfriend of hers showed up not ten minutes ago; said they needed Ryan… urgently."
A sickening kick got Trey in the stomach, "Jess you better not be fucking with me."
"Oh I think you've done enough of that lately, don't you think?" retorted Jess calmly. She looked at her watch and then returned a delighted look at Trey, "He'd be at Marissa just about now I should think."
He felt like vomiting. "Shit!" And without wasting another second, Trey was running towards the entrance.
He had not time to waste.
X
"Why Marissa?" Ryan stoked her sweat-drenched fringe. His healing hand caressed up and down her quaking back. He shook his head and looked at her with petrified eyes. "Was it me? Did I do something to…"
More tears bled from her eyes, "No! It wasn't you."
"Then what Marissa? What's made you do this?"
Terrified for Ryan to learn the truth, Marissa just shook her head again and remained silent. Even the cool water's release wasn't going to save her now. Deep down she knew she was about to tell him, but the hardest part was going to be finding the words.
She heaved a lead-like breath, "I thought he just drunk. I thought he just needed some air. So I offered to go for a walk on the beach to clear his head… I didn't know he'd taken drugs!" Marissa's shuddered at the memories that flooded her mind. Ryan did not break eye contact with her. "I thought he was just joking… but then…" the gutful sobs returned and she looked into oblivion as the frightening images ignited. "I didn't want to! But he didn't get it… and…" she squeaked, "he was too strong!"
Finally, Ryan was beginning to make sense of it. His body sunk as he began to realise what was really going on. He didn't want it to be true. It couldn't be true. He let her continue.
Her cries were growing deeper. "He just kept pushing me. Then I fell… and then the next thing I know… he's on top of me. And just keeps pulling me and forcing me.
By now more tears were in Ryan's eyes as well. He stared at Marissa; unable to come to terms with the truth she was telling him after all this time.
Marissa took another stifling breath. "And…" Ryan watched as slowly, Marissa drew her arms away from the cool tap and began peeling off her sweater. She didn't stop at her t-shirt and soon that too was lying limply on the floor. Marissa revealed her bruised chest to him. Ryan gaped and looked at the blackened marks that marred Marissa's body. He could make out the residue of someone's scraping fingers. Her belly was covered in a horrifying green bruise. He could hardly believe he'd been so oblivious to this for so long and a severe wave of guilt overwhelmed him. Then it passed and Ryan looked back at Marissa, who was still weeping uncontrollably. He needed to ask it. He needed to know. It couldn't be true! She had to prove him wrong.
He gulped, "Who did this Marissa? Who…" he struggled to utter the words without losing it completely, "Who raped you?"
Marissa was riddled with fear. This was it. It was the end. She couldn't bare to look at him, "…rrry" she mumbled. Ryan hardly saw her mouth move. He couldn't hear her.
"Who?" he asked again.
This time she snapped her head up and burst, "TREY!" she bellowed with all the hatred and sadness she'd felt all week exploding through the mention of his name.
She was breathless.
He was breathless.
"TREY did this!"
Ryan's entire world went ghostly silent. Marissa's body disappeared from his vision as Ryan looked back at the brother he'd trust his whole life, the brother who'd pushed around, endangered him, provoked him. He'd invited him back in his life; tried to help him. He'd forgiven him. He was dismayed when he remembered that not half an hour ago he had rubbed knuckles with him; could hardly believe he was ready to put their feud behind them.
He was lost for words and for what seemed like an eternity Ryan and Marissa just stared at each other in utter shock.
Through the choking knot in his throat Ryan heaved, "Marissa… I…"
But at that same moment, they became aware of pounding feet coming up the stairs outside and yells from Seth and Summer growing in volume with every passing second. Ryan wasn't sure what was happening. He pressed both his hands against Marissa's burning cheeks and put his forehead against hers. Then just as fast he pulled his forehead away and looked at her desperately, "Stay here," he said quietly. Marissa nodded obediently and Ryan got up from the bathroom floor and walked back into the bedroom.
His emotions flared when he saw a dishevelled Trey taking the final step up the stairs. Summer and Seth were behind him with flushed faces.
The three of them saw Ryan, but Ryan hardly noticed Seth and Summer. His gaze did not falter from Trey's face. He looked at him in a way he thought and prayed he'd never have to. One glimpse at Ryan and Trey knew he knew.
"We're sorry Ryan!" Summer burst, "We tried to stop him! But…" suddenly Summer covered her mouth with her hand and screamed. "Oh my God Ryan why do you have blood on your shirt!" It was then she saw the gun lying on the floor and at first she feared the worst. She began to feel faint.
Ryan looked down and saw the stains of Marissa's wrists on his tuxedo shirt. That was the least of his concerns. He looked up again, "Trey get outside. I'll deal with you in a second." His tone was severe and obscene in a way Seth and Summer had never heard it. Obediently Trey obliged and disappeared out the door and waited down the hall.
Next, Ryan looked back at the two of them, "Wait here." He said. He went back into the bathroom where he found Marissa. Her knees were tucked under her chin and she wrapped her arms around them.
She looked at him paralysed, "He's here! I heard him!" she wheezed, quivering.
Ryan picked up her pink t-shirt and gave it to her, "Put this back on Marissa." He said gently. Silently Marissa complied and slipped the shirt over her battered torso. Ryan's heart still pounded from the shock of it all. "How are your arms?" she let him inspect them. They were still bleeding slightly. She was still crying silently, "Come on." He said soothingly and helped her to her feet and began leading her back into the room, "Summer and Seth are here. You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to, but at least them help you okay?" Marissa nodded silently.
When Marissa emerged from the bathroom, the first thing they saw was her savaged arms. Summer gasped and instant tears came to her face, "Oh my God!" she whimpered.
Ryan nodded at the two of them, "Take her downstairs. Keep a cold tap under her wrists. If you can get her to eat something. But whatever you do… do not let her back up here." Seth and Summer nodded at him and Ryan handed Marissa over to them.
"Baby!" Summer wrapped a protective arm around her best friend, followed by Seth and Ryan watched Marissa disappear down the stairs. For a brief few seconds he was alone and the weight of the recent events slapped at him.
But it wasn't over yet. It hadn't even begun.
He took a deep breath and opened his tense jaw to call:
"Okay Trey."
OH! Another long chapter! Sorry! But hopefully one you really liked it! It's the chapter I've been anticipating writing since I made up this story, so I really hope I pulled it off! Tell me how I went! But like Ryan said, it's not over yet! Hehe! I'll see you next time! Again, hope you enjoyed it! Love and Light, Hannah.