A/N - I don't own Foaly. I don't own any Artemis Fowl character. But I love them, so I decided to write this. Enjoy, rate, print it off and burn it, I don't really mind as long as you read it.

This part isn't that funny. But you'll be shocked just before half-way through. I guarantee it.

The Secret Diary of Foaly the Centaur - Part Three: A Terrifying Discovery.

Wednesday 17th May 2006

I got a lot of respectful looks today in the office, which certainly put a smile on my face. That smile instantly disappeared when I trotted into my office. The floor was littered with small, plastic pots. Upon the side of the pots were written "Goblin Scale Cleanser." The floor was covered in the slick, green cream, and there was a note on my desk, it read:

Welcome to Revenge Town. Population me.

Yours faithfully,

Karl Oso

This means war.

Thursday 18th May 2006

I made sure I was extra early for work today; I was even the first one in the office. I started my revenge spree by peeing into Sool's personal water cooler. I took apart his chair, so that when he sat on it, it would collapse, and I also opened his computer hard drive and filled it with hoof-cream. I then had a sacrificial ripping session of Sool's papers.

Whilst ripping a wad of unfiled reports, I stumbled upon something very interesting. It was a print out of an e-mail. Or should I say the reverse of a print out of an e-mail. The ink must have run through onto the next page. I forgot about revenge, I forgot about paying Sool back, I forgot about setting a fire in his fireproof filing cabinet, and I returned to my office. I held the piece of paper up to a mirror, and wrote down what was on the paper.

From: Doctor Pakaolo Bio

To: Ark Sool

I hope this e-mail finds you well. I, on the other hand, am writing this e-mail whilst dragging an unconscious LEP Officer on a pair of handcuffs, whilst barricaded in a computer room.

You must get me out of here. Then we can break Spiro out of prison and commence Plan C.

I checked the translation several times to make sure it was accurate, and I did a name search for "Pakaolo Bio" on my computer. It didn't come up with anything… which was odd, because the only person who could change the files on this system was me. If Pakaolo wasn't on the system, Pakaolo didn't exist. It was only whilst looking through the "Possible Matches" section did I work out who Pakaolo really was.

Pakaolo Bio was an anagram of Opal Koboi.

Friday 19th May 2006

I needed to speak to someone about what I had found out… but who? I certainly couldn't go to the council; they'd think I'd fabricated the whole thing because of my pure hatred for Sool. I decided to go to the one person I trust. Me.

If I could hack into Sool's LEP E-mail account, maybe I could dig up some more evidence. Then I could go to the council.

I opened up one of the many programs on my desktop screen, and ran a search on Ark Sool. I then set the computer running so that it would try every single word from every file containing his name as his password. Within seconds, the computer had tried over a million passwords. None turned out correct… well at least it was narrowed down. I loosened the search parameters, still nothing. I then set the computer on number combinations. Within a minute, it had searched over a trillion number combinations of varying length. Still, nothing. But I like a challenge. I switched to manual mode and began typing. I tried out several words before I stumbled upon the correct password. Sool was one dumb schmuck. His password was… get this… happiness.

I quickly scanned down the page; there were over seventeen e-mails from Koboi. I printed out each one and read them out. According to Koboi, there was a 30 second window when the guards weren't watching her, which was when she passed through an airlock into the main cells. Sool would leave a key to her cuffs underneath one of the grills on a magnetic strip. Whilst she was sleeping, she was to break out of her chains and then smash the bulb which illuminated her room, where she would find a small pulse detonator, which, to her disgust, she would find was created by me. The clever thing about a pulse detonator was that the explosion was noiseless, and only destroyed anything within a two centimetre radius. I also found out that Koboi would be receiving her key tomorrow morning.

I set to work on a plan.

Saturday 20th May 2006

I entered Howler's Peak at just after seven that morning, carrying with me a tool box, a pad and a pencil. I was buzzed through to the reception. The receptionist remembered the call I had given here yesterday and showed me to the airlock, I had contacted the facility yesterday, and told them their air lock needs upgrading. From my reputation, I was granted access. I was also told that Ark Sool had been here, who had also spent a lot of time in the airlock.

I set to work immediately. I connected an invisi-cam (One of my inventions, obviously) to the ceiling, and felt around under the grill on the floor. I found the key after a few moments, and left a note which I had prepared earlier in its place. I left the building shortly after eight.

I returned to the LEP offices to find Sool watching the news channel in the staff room. I took a seat next to him, and settled down.

After a few minutes, I coughed.

I coughed again.

I coughed again, except this time, I casually coughed the word 'Opal,' Sool paled and spoke. "What?"

"Just got a bit of a sniffle."

"So, has Opal been on TV yet?"

"What?" Alarm was creeping into his voice.

"Ah, here we go." I said, averting my eyes to the screen. It showed a video clip, taken from my camera, of Opal Koboi fiddling underneith the grill. She pulled a note out, read it, and started screaming and beating her fists on the floor. An Elf reported appeared on screen, and began talking. "An escape attempt was foiled today by Foaly of the LEP Technical Team. He intercepted an e-mail from a high ranking LEP Officer, who was apparently aiding in the escape attempt."

It was then that Sool snapped. He burst up from his chair and ran to the door, pulling a Neutrino from his belt. There was a blast, and I feared the worst… but, I was relieved to find that Trouble, who I had informed of the situation earlier, had been waiting outside the room, planning on blasting when the inevitable run of Sool happened.

This was surely the end of Sool's career.

Check back soon for Part Four