[u]Part 13[/u]
He was shocked and, underlying that, hurt. While Max was very good at masking his emotions, he had never been able to hide from her - not since he had saved her anyway. Liz felt an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him, to take that look off his face. She could see the turmoil of confusion and despair he was struggling with, could [I]feel[/I] it in fact.
Was this another sign that Will was right? Was it because she had the alien gift of empathy that Max's pain was her pain as well? Deep down though she knew it wasn't that. This was Max. It was because she loved him that she shared his grief.
"I don't know what you want me to say," he finally said hoarsely. "I really don't know what you want from me anymore Liz."
[I]I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy.[/I] The thoughts came unbidden, more natural than breathing. [I]I want to stop hurting you.[/I] But, somehow, Liz knew that none of those hopes for him were anywhere in his future. Because he would not be safe until she figured what Will wanted from her. And he would not be happy because, in order for her to find that out, she was going to have to let Will in. She was going to have to hurt Max even more than she already had. She had to protect him.and to protect him, she needed information, which meant getting close to Will.
Liz had not been as out of it on the way back from the motel as she thought Alex suspected. Instead, she had been deep in thought, trying to figure out exactly how they had all ended up in such a complicated mess and how she could fix it.
She thought Will was wrong about who she was, but she no longer thought he was lying. The more she reflected on it, the more she understood that he truly believed that she was this Rowena - the love of his life and Max's victim. But she also knew Max. She knew that he never could have been the monster that Will made him out to be, not even in a different lifetime. His essence - his soul - could not have changed so drastically. Not Max. Something had clearly gone wrong in their past lives - something that had to be fixed in this one.
Rowena of Valonia was the key. And if Liz had to pretend to be Rowena for a while, until she figured it all out - until she neutralized the threat to Max's life that Will represented - then she would do it.
But, first, she had to make Max understand. She had to try and modify how much this was going to hurt him. And, somehow, she had to do it without telling him the whole truth.
"I want you to think about it," Liz told Max softly. "Do you love me?"
Max stared at her for a long moment, vulnerable and still confused. "Of course I love you Liz. I can't just turn it off you know," he added bitterly.
"Why Max?" Liz asked gently. "Why? Loving me has only ever hurt you, has only ever put you in danger. It's not worth it! Why can't you see that?"
"Because I [I]know[/I] you," Max replied, suddenly firm. Liz felt her heart start to beat more quickly as his spine straightened and his eyes flashed with anger, reminding her of the night in Copper Summit, when his plea for the truth had almost broken her. "You're lying to me Liz."
She opened her mouth to protest but Max raised his hand to stop her. "Liz, I'm not an idiot. I've seen how upset you are lately. You're hiding something and I think I have a right to know what it is. You didn't sleep with Kyle - did you?" His voice was raised.
Liz bit her lip, disbelieving that after everything she had done to convince him, in spite of all his pain, his belief in her was still so strong, he refused to accept it. For one moment, the temptation to admit he was right, and to then kiss him senseless for having so much faith in her, was so strong, she barely resisted.
They didn't belong together. Being with her put him in danger. What had happened with Will that afternoon only emphasized it. She knew, deep down, that Will was not evil. But she had also seen the obsessive glint in his eye when he had spoken of Rowena. If Will truly believed she was Rowena, he would hurt Max to keep him away from her.
And the only way to make sure that Max stayed away from her of his own volition was to keep lying.
"I did Max," she said, pressing her lips together. "It was the only way I could think of to make you back off."
There was a long moment of silence. Liz could hear Max's ragged breathing. She could feel his impatience, could feel that he [I]still[/I] didn't believe her. Why not? Just that morning, she was sure that he had finally bought it. What had changed? She [I]had[/I] to convince him!
"Max, what do you want from [I]me[/I]?" Liz demanded. "I'll always be grateful to you for saving my life, but I've told you, I won't give up my life for you. Not anymore!"
Max remained quiet, his eyes unreadable. Liz continued to babble, desperate to convince him. "I know you latched on to me when you were a kid, that you built this whole fantasy world around what you wanted me to be, but I'm just normal! I don't have the strength to be with you. It's why I walked away from you at the pod chamber and it's why I slept with Kyle. I want to get away from [I]you![/I] I'm trying so hard to keep away."
Max's eyes were glittering now. He still didn't say anything. Liz frowned. Why did he suddenly seem pleased?
"Max!" She exclaimed in frustration, frantically searching her memory for what she might have said to make him look that way. "Will you say something? Please?"
Max complied, surprising Liz completely though by changing the subject. "Liz, what happened this afternoon?"
"What?" Liz demanded, distracted. She was still trying to figure out why Max no longer seemed devastated. In fact, he was about as smug as the cat that had swallowed the canary.
"Courtney told Michael and I some stuff this afternoon," Max elaborated. "Will is most likely my enemy. The fact that he released you and Alex without any trouble at all just strikes me as a bit weird. Even if you don't care about me at all anymore, he has to know that I love you." He paused, added, "Anyone can see it. I never realized how obvious I was until today. There were these sophomores."
Liz cut him off. "What else did Courtney tell you?" She asked, feeling nervous for some reason she didn't understand.
"Well, I didn't want to marry Tess in my previous life. There's a surprise," he muttered, off-handedly, before continuing. "Apparently I was something of a selfish bastard too. I wasn't a very good king and I had a mean streak as well. Basically the whole star system appears to be better off without me." Liz could hear the slight tremor in Max's voice. What he had learned from Courtney had obviously upset him, although he was trying to hide it. "It all makes me wonder why anyone would want Zan back anyway. Maybe I should just let your new best friend Will kill me and be done with it."
Liz's horror must have been reflected on her face because Max quickly continued, "I'm sorry. I don't really mean that." He collapsed onto a deck chair, as though the weight of the world had suddenly been deposited on his shoulders. "My experience with Pierce and what happened to Nasedo." He trailed off. "I don't want to die. I'm too much of a coward to let them kill me, even if it would probably make everyone else's life easier."
Liz went and sat near him, barely refraining from touching him, her natural instinct. "Max, you can't think."
"That everyone would be better off with me dead?" He asked, snorting slightly. "Sometimes I really do Liz." She flinched when he looked directly at her. "Would you have to lie all the time if I was dead? Would you have to through life acting completely contrary to your nature if I didn't exist?" His voice lowered and he raised a hand and gently cupped her cheek. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or hurt you, or make you feel sorry for me. I hope you know that. It's just that you've always been the only person I could be completely truthful with. I feel like I can tell you things I can't even tell Isabel or Michael." He paused. "I miss that most of all I think. Knowing that I can say anything to you and you won't judge me or hate me. I even miss you telling me that I need to get over myself." He quirked a weak grin. "Because I definitely need that sometimes. I need [I]you[/I] Liz."
Liz felt tears filling her eyes. He was saying everything she had been thinking since the pod chamber, everything she had thought about all summer when she had tried to convince herself that maybe she could be with Max, in spite of what his mother had said in the orb, in spite of Tess. It was why she had not bee altogether surprised when Future Max had told her that she had given in during that other life, that they had been together. Because, more than anything, she [I]missed[/I] him. She missed everything about him.
But most of all, she missed how he wanted to tell her things from his deepest soul, things that he would be ashamed to tell anyone else. She used to be able to say anything to him too. She could tell him anything because he knew it anyway.
It was what being soul mates meant.
And, here he was reminding her of what she was giving up, weakening her. She couldn't help herself. She reached out and took his hands. A feeling of sweet relief flowed through her as his fingers twined through hers. Her heart started to beat more quickly.
"Max." Liz felt his sadness through the connection that had sprung to life from the moment she touched him, could feel his burgeoning hope that maybe he had finally gotten through to her. Because everything he said was true. She [I]was[/I] lying to him. She was betraying everything they were supposed to be. Just because [I]he[/I] - or at least a future version of himself - had asked her to, it didn't make it right. [I]This[/I] Max hadn't had a choice in the matter.
She opened her mouth to tell him everything, to tell him about Future Max, about Kyle, about what Will had told her, about how she thought Will might be telling her the truth, as much as she was trying to deny it.
She opened her mouth and nothing came out. Her entire throat seized up and she stared at him helplessly, wondering why this was so difficult. Why did every single decision she made when it came to Max have to be about life or death?
Max must have sensed the difficulty she was having in speaking though because he said, "I don't blame you for wanting a normal life Liz. I don't like what knowing me has made you do. I don't like that you're constantly in danger. I don't like that you worry constantly about protecting [I]me[/I], that you never worry about yourself. I [I]know[/I] that I should let you walk away because, in the end, it will be better for you." Max squeezed her hand lightly. "But the thing is Liz, you're [I]not[/I] walking away. I know you're not. In fact, after today, you're more connected to me than ever. I just [I]know[/I] it. I don't know how I do, but I do."
Liz stared at him, disbelieving that he was so right. How did he know all of this? It couldn't just be because of the connection they shared, could it? Did he really know her so well?
[I]Of course he does,[/I] a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her. [I]Just like you know him. How else did you come up with the plan to pretend to sleep with Kyle? You know him and you thought of what would most devastate him and you [/I]did[I] it - for his own good.[/I]
Again, Max seemed to be reading her mind because he said, "I know that what happened with Kyle." He swallowed, forged ahead. "I know that it hurt [I]you[/I] even more than it hurt me. I can't imagine what happened that made you think that you had to do that. I know that it has to be about more than the fact that I wouldn't leave you alone though. Because if I had [I]truly[/I] believed that it was what you wanted, I would have. But I know you didn't Liz. You still wanted me then as much as I wanted you. I [I]know[/I] you did. When I touched you outside the Crashdown on the night Nasedo died, I [I]felt[/I] it." He paused, looked directly at her, almost pleading. "Liz, please tell me the truth."
As she stared at him, as she gazed into his beloved eyes, she almost caved. She [I]almost[/I] gave in. But this was Max. How could she tell him the truth when it might still result in the end of the world? When it might result that the purity and beauty of their love would destroy the only home either of them had ever known?
Why did he have to make it so difficult? Why couldn't he give up on her? How could he still have so much faith in her, after [I]everything[/I]?
"Max, why? Why can't you believe it? Why can't you just accept that I want an ordinary life?" She demanded desperately, willing him to let it go, but, deep down, wanting him to convince her - wanting him to [I]make[/I] her tell him.
"Because you're an extraordinary person Liz Parker," Max replied quietly, brushing the tears, that were falling unheeded now, aside with his thumbs. Both of his hands were now gently cradling her face, stroking lightly, sending shivers of desire and love throughout her body. "You showed me that every time you tried to convince me to take a chance with you, and, then you showed me every time I kissed you. I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you in that playground. I knew when I saw you that day that if you knew the truth about me, you'd accept it, that you wouldn't be afraid."
Liz could feel herself getting lost in his dark eyes. Why did being with him always just feel so [I]right[/I]? This was where she belonged, this was where she was [I]normal[/I]. His lips were only a breath away from hers now. "Max."
"Liz, if you can't tell me, then show me. Please. Show me what's wrong. All you have to do is choose [I]us[/I]. Liz, please!" His breath was warm on her face. Her entire body was tingling, pushing her to do exactly what he wanted her to - exactly what [I]she[/I] wanted anyway. He knew it. He always did. And, finally, she understood why he couldn't let go.
It would be so easy. All it would take was one kiss and all the secrets would be out, all the pain would be over. She and Max would be back together, stronger than ever. It would be so easy to give in.
Even if she wasn't quite sure, he might not see anything anyway. There hadn't [I]always[/I] been flashes when they had kissed in the past. Maybe she should test it out. If he saw, then he was meant to - it was fate. If he didn't, she would know once and for all that she was choosing the right path, that she had to keep pushing him away.
She knew that she was trying to come up with excuses to allow him to kiss her, but, in the end, [I]not[/I] allowing it would be like telling herself to stop breathing. She just could [I]not[/I] say no. Not again. This was Max and she loved him. She [I]wanted[/I] him. And, in every way, except for a destiny that he had not chosen, he was hers. She had tried to push him away and, yet, still he loved her. She had done her best. It had to be enough.
Liz felt Max's lips brush hers lightly, tentatively, ready to stop if she demanded it. She was weak, she knew it. But the instant their lips meant, there was no turning back. As the kiss deepened, she was overwhelmed by how much she loved him, was reminded of how she had willingly chosen to spend the rest of her life in misery to protect him.
Because, the first flash, as always, was of her.
It was the scene in the playground where he saw her and the instant love he felt for her careened through her veins and into her heart, warming her in a way she couldn't begin to describe.
But, she realized, after she started to control the flashes, started to sort through them, finding it easier than she ever had before, that something was different. Suddenly, she thought of Will. She remembered all he had told her and [I]why[/I], for a while, she had believed him when he had told her that she was not human - that she was an alien queen named Rowena and that she was his wife.
This was her gift. Seeing beneath the surface. Understanding the true motives and the true hearts of the people she came in contact with. It had always been her gift. She [I]remembered[/I] it.
Because, this time, beneath the love Max felt for her in that memory when they were both children, she also felt his heart skip a beat - in recognition. He had [I]known[/I] her. She had been right. For the first time ever, she [I]heard[/I] Max's thoughts at that moment in her own mind. Instead of just feeling what he felt, she [I]thought[/I] what he [/I]thought[/I].
It was so crystal clear, she didn't understand how she could not have heard it before, how she could have ignored it for so long.
[I]Rowena.[/I]
Max, as a little boy, in his mind, called her Rowena.
It was all true then. She wondered why was no longer upset about it. Her entire life was a lie, but she no longer even [I]cared[/I] to deny any of it, DNA and baby pictures be damned.
And, yet, she [I]knew[/I] why she wasn't scared. It was all there in the connection she and Max were sharing. Because, without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that Zan of Antar and Rowena of Valonia had not been enemies at all.
To be continued.
He was shocked and, underlying that, hurt. While Max was very good at masking his emotions, he had never been able to hide from her - not since he had saved her anyway. Liz felt an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him, to take that look off his face. She could see the turmoil of confusion and despair he was struggling with, could [I]feel[/I] it in fact.
Was this another sign that Will was right? Was it because she had the alien gift of empathy that Max's pain was her pain as well? Deep down though she knew it wasn't that. This was Max. It was because she loved him that she shared his grief.
"I don't know what you want me to say," he finally said hoarsely. "I really don't know what you want from me anymore Liz."
[I]I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy.[/I] The thoughts came unbidden, more natural than breathing. [I]I want to stop hurting you.[/I] But, somehow, Liz knew that none of those hopes for him were anywhere in his future. Because he would not be safe until she figured what Will wanted from her. And he would not be happy because, in order for her to find that out, she was going to have to let Will in. She was going to have to hurt Max even more than she already had. She had to protect him.and to protect him, she needed information, which meant getting close to Will.
Liz had not been as out of it on the way back from the motel as she thought Alex suspected. Instead, she had been deep in thought, trying to figure out exactly how they had all ended up in such a complicated mess and how she could fix it.
She thought Will was wrong about who she was, but she no longer thought he was lying. The more she reflected on it, the more she understood that he truly believed that she was this Rowena - the love of his life and Max's victim. But she also knew Max. She knew that he never could have been the monster that Will made him out to be, not even in a different lifetime. His essence - his soul - could not have changed so drastically. Not Max. Something had clearly gone wrong in their past lives - something that had to be fixed in this one.
Rowena of Valonia was the key. And if Liz had to pretend to be Rowena for a while, until she figured it all out - until she neutralized the threat to Max's life that Will represented - then she would do it.
But, first, she had to make Max understand. She had to try and modify how much this was going to hurt him. And, somehow, she had to do it without telling him the whole truth.
"I want you to think about it," Liz told Max softly. "Do you love me?"
Max stared at her for a long moment, vulnerable and still confused. "Of course I love you Liz. I can't just turn it off you know," he added bitterly.
"Why Max?" Liz asked gently. "Why? Loving me has only ever hurt you, has only ever put you in danger. It's not worth it! Why can't you see that?"
"Because I [I]know[/I] you," Max replied, suddenly firm. Liz felt her heart start to beat more quickly as his spine straightened and his eyes flashed with anger, reminding her of the night in Copper Summit, when his plea for the truth had almost broken her. "You're lying to me Liz."
She opened her mouth to protest but Max raised his hand to stop her. "Liz, I'm not an idiot. I've seen how upset you are lately. You're hiding something and I think I have a right to know what it is. You didn't sleep with Kyle - did you?" His voice was raised.
Liz bit her lip, disbelieving that after everything she had done to convince him, in spite of all his pain, his belief in her was still so strong, he refused to accept it. For one moment, the temptation to admit he was right, and to then kiss him senseless for having so much faith in her, was so strong, she barely resisted.
They didn't belong together. Being with her put him in danger. What had happened with Will that afternoon only emphasized it. She knew, deep down, that Will was not evil. But she had also seen the obsessive glint in his eye when he had spoken of Rowena. If Will truly believed she was Rowena, he would hurt Max to keep him away from her.
And the only way to make sure that Max stayed away from her of his own volition was to keep lying.
"I did Max," she said, pressing her lips together. "It was the only way I could think of to make you back off."
There was a long moment of silence. Liz could hear Max's ragged breathing. She could feel his impatience, could feel that he [I]still[/I] didn't believe her. Why not? Just that morning, she was sure that he had finally bought it. What had changed? She [I]had[/I] to convince him!
"Max, what do you want from [I]me[/I]?" Liz demanded. "I'll always be grateful to you for saving my life, but I've told you, I won't give up my life for you. Not anymore!"
Max remained quiet, his eyes unreadable. Liz continued to babble, desperate to convince him. "I know you latched on to me when you were a kid, that you built this whole fantasy world around what you wanted me to be, but I'm just normal! I don't have the strength to be with you. It's why I walked away from you at the pod chamber and it's why I slept with Kyle. I want to get away from [I]you![/I] I'm trying so hard to keep away."
Max's eyes were glittering now. He still didn't say anything. Liz frowned. Why did he suddenly seem pleased?
"Max!" She exclaimed in frustration, frantically searching her memory for what she might have said to make him look that way. "Will you say something? Please?"
Max complied, surprising Liz completely though by changing the subject. "Liz, what happened this afternoon?"
"What?" Liz demanded, distracted. She was still trying to figure out why Max no longer seemed devastated. In fact, he was about as smug as the cat that had swallowed the canary.
"Courtney told Michael and I some stuff this afternoon," Max elaborated. "Will is most likely my enemy. The fact that he released you and Alex without any trouble at all just strikes me as a bit weird. Even if you don't care about me at all anymore, he has to know that I love you." He paused, added, "Anyone can see it. I never realized how obvious I was until today. There were these sophomores."
Liz cut him off. "What else did Courtney tell you?" She asked, feeling nervous for some reason she didn't understand.
"Well, I didn't want to marry Tess in my previous life. There's a surprise," he muttered, off-handedly, before continuing. "Apparently I was something of a selfish bastard too. I wasn't a very good king and I had a mean streak as well. Basically the whole star system appears to be better off without me." Liz could hear the slight tremor in Max's voice. What he had learned from Courtney had obviously upset him, although he was trying to hide it. "It all makes me wonder why anyone would want Zan back anyway. Maybe I should just let your new best friend Will kill me and be done with it."
Liz's horror must have been reflected on her face because Max quickly continued, "I'm sorry. I don't really mean that." He collapsed onto a deck chair, as though the weight of the world had suddenly been deposited on his shoulders. "My experience with Pierce and what happened to Nasedo." He trailed off. "I don't want to die. I'm too much of a coward to let them kill me, even if it would probably make everyone else's life easier."
Liz went and sat near him, barely refraining from touching him, her natural instinct. "Max, you can't think."
"That everyone would be better off with me dead?" He asked, snorting slightly. "Sometimes I really do Liz." She flinched when he looked directly at her. "Would you have to lie all the time if I was dead? Would you have to through life acting completely contrary to your nature if I didn't exist?" His voice lowered and he raised a hand and gently cupped her cheek. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, or hurt you, or make you feel sorry for me. I hope you know that. It's just that you've always been the only person I could be completely truthful with. I feel like I can tell you things I can't even tell Isabel or Michael." He paused. "I miss that most of all I think. Knowing that I can say anything to you and you won't judge me or hate me. I even miss you telling me that I need to get over myself." He quirked a weak grin. "Because I definitely need that sometimes. I need [I]you[/I] Liz."
Liz felt tears filling her eyes. He was saying everything she had been thinking since the pod chamber, everything she had thought about all summer when she had tried to convince herself that maybe she could be with Max, in spite of what his mother had said in the orb, in spite of Tess. It was why she had not bee altogether surprised when Future Max had told her that she had given in during that other life, that they had been together. Because, more than anything, she [I]missed[/I] him. She missed everything about him.
But most of all, she missed how he wanted to tell her things from his deepest soul, things that he would be ashamed to tell anyone else. She used to be able to say anything to him too. She could tell him anything because he knew it anyway.
It was what being soul mates meant.
And, here he was reminding her of what she was giving up, weakening her. She couldn't help herself. She reached out and took his hands. A feeling of sweet relief flowed through her as his fingers twined through hers. Her heart started to beat more quickly.
"Max." Liz felt his sadness through the connection that had sprung to life from the moment she touched him, could feel his burgeoning hope that maybe he had finally gotten through to her. Because everything he said was true. She [I]was[/I] lying to him. She was betraying everything they were supposed to be. Just because [I]he[/I] - or at least a future version of himself - had asked her to, it didn't make it right. [I]This[/I] Max hadn't had a choice in the matter.
She opened her mouth to tell him everything, to tell him about Future Max, about Kyle, about what Will had told her, about how she thought Will might be telling her the truth, as much as she was trying to deny it.
She opened her mouth and nothing came out. Her entire throat seized up and she stared at him helplessly, wondering why this was so difficult. Why did every single decision she made when it came to Max have to be about life or death?
Max must have sensed the difficulty she was having in speaking though because he said, "I don't blame you for wanting a normal life Liz. I don't like what knowing me has made you do. I don't like that you're constantly in danger. I don't like that you worry constantly about protecting [I]me[/I], that you never worry about yourself. I [I]know[/I] that I should let you walk away because, in the end, it will be better for you." Max squeezed her hand lightly. "But the thing is Liz, you're [I]not[/I] walking away. I know you're not. In fact, after today, you're more connected to me than ever. I just [I]know[/I] it. I don't know how I do, but I do."
Liz stared at him, disbelieving that he was so right. How did he know all of this? It couldn't just be because of the connection they shared, could it? Did he really know her so well?
[I]Of course he does,[/I] a small voice in the back of her mind reminded her. [I]Just like you know him. How else did you come up with the plan to pretend to sleep with Kyle? You know him and you thought of what would most devastate him and you [/I]did[I] it - for his own good.[/I]
Again, Max seemed to be reading her mind because he said, "I know that what happened with Kyle." He swallowed, forged ahead. "I know that it hurt [I]you[/I] even more than it hurt me. I can't imagine what happened that made you think that you had to do that. I know that it has to be about more than the fact that I wouldn't leave you alone though. Because if I had [I]truly[/I] believed that it was what you wanted, I would have. But I know you didn't Liz. You still wanted me then as much as I wanted you. I [I]know[/I] you did. When I touched you outside the Crashdown on the night Nasedo died, I [I]felt[/I] it." He paused, looked directly at her, almost pleading. "Liz, please tell me the truth."
As she stared at him, as she gazed into his beloved eyes, she almost caved. She [I]almost[/I] gave in. But this was Max. How could she tell him the truth when it might still result in the end of the world? When it might result that the purity and beauty of their love would destroy the only home either of them had ever known?
Why did he have to make it so difficult? Why couldn't he give up on her? How could he still have so much faith in her, after [I]everything[/I]?
"Max, why? Why can't you believe it? Why can't you just accept that I want an ordinary life?" She demanded desperately, willing him to let it go, but, deep down, wanting him to convince her - wanting him to [I]make[/I] her tell him.
"Because you're an extraordinary person Liz Parker," Max replied quietly, brushing the tears, that were falling unheeded now, aside with his thumbs. Both of his hands were now gently cradling her face, stroking lightly, sending shivers of desire and love throughout her body. "You showed me that every time you tried to convince me to take a chance with you, and, then you showed me every time I kissed you. I knew it the first time I laid eyes on you in that playground. I knew when I saw you that day that if you knew the truth about me, you'd accept it, that you wouldn't be afraid."
Liz could feel herself getting lost in his dark eyes. Why did being with him always just feel so [I]right[/I]? This was where she belonged, this was where she was [I]normal[/I]. His lips were only a breath away from hers now. "Max."
"Liz, if you can't tell me, then show me. Please. Show me what's wrong. All you have to do is choose [I]us[/I]. Liz, please!" His breath was warm on her face. Her entire body was tingling, pushing her to do exactly what he wanted her to - exactly what [I]she[/I] wanted anyway. He knew it. He always did. And, finally, she understood why he couldn't let go.
It would be so easy. All it would take was one kiss and all the secrets would be out, all the pain would be over. She and Max would be back together, stronger than ever. It would be so easy to give in.
Even if she wasn't quite sure, he might not see anything anyway. There hadn't [I]always[/I] been flashes when they had kissed in the past. Maybe she should test it out. If he saw, then he was meant to - it was fate. If he didn't, she would know once and for all that she was choosing the right path, that she had to keep pushing him away.
She knew that she was trying to come up with excuses to allow him to kiss her, but, in the end, [I]not[/I] allowing it would be like telling herself to stop breathing. She just could [I]not[/I] say no. Not again. This was Max and she loved him. She [I]wanted[/I] him. And, in every way, except for a destiny that he had not chosen, he was hers. She had tried to push him away and, yet, still he loved her. She had done her best. It had to be enough.
Liz felt Max's lips brush hers lightly, tentatively, ready to stop if she demanded it. She was weak, she knew it. But the instant their lips meant, there was no turning back. As the kiss deepened, she was overwhelmed by how much she loved him, was reminded of how she had willingly chosen to spend the rest of her life in misery to protect him.
Because, the first flash, as always, was of her.
It was the scene in the playground where he saw her and the instant love he felt for her careened through her veins and into her heart, warming her in a way she couldn't begin to describe.
But, she realized, after she started to control the flashes, started to sort through them, finding it easier than she ever had before, that something was different. Suddenly, she thought of Will. She remembered all he had told her and [I]why[/I], for a while, she had believed him when he had told her that she was not human - that she was an alien queen named Rowena and that she was his wife.
This was her gift. Seeing beneath the surface. Understanding the true motives and the true hearts of the people she came in contact with. It had always been her gift. She [I]remembered[/I] it.
Because, this time, beneath the love Max felt for her in that memory when they were both children, she also felt his heart skip a beat - in recognition. He had [I]known[/I] her. She had been right. For the first time ever, she [I]heard[/I] Max's thoughts at that moment in her own mind. Instead of just feeling what he felt, she [I]thought[/I] what he [/I]thought[/I].
It was so crystal clear, she didn't understand how she could not have heard it before, how she could have ignored it for so long.
[I]Rowena.[/I]
Max, as a little boy, in his mind, called her Rowena.
It was all true then. She wondered why was no longer upset about it. Her entire life was a lie, but she no longer even [I]cared[/I] to deny any of it, DNA and baby pictures be damned.
And, yet, she [I]knew[/I] why she wasn't scared. It was all there in the connection she and Max were sharing. Because, without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that Zan of Antar and Rowena of Valonia had not been enemies at all.
To be continued.