Garet of Green Gables

A/N: Well…I suppose nobody really likes this story. If you actually liked it, then review, please. It helps. Seriously. BLURGH!

Chapter 2 - The Evil Feizhi

Garet stared blankly out of the window like he had been ever since the train started and after Ivan finished barfing all over the poor person. Ivan was at the bathroom. At least that was what he had told him. But when he opened the door, he had found a dummy of Ivan with lots of pins in his body. He had scrambled out the door after that.

And then, this mad girl with a fish mask appeared and created a Fish Vendor and asked him if he would like to buy any fish.

"Uh…I'm broke?" Garet quickly suggested, hoping that this mad person would leave him alone.

"No, no, I CAN SEE THE MONEY. NOW GIMME!" the girl screeched behind her mask and forced a thrashing fish into his hands and grabbed some money out of his pockets.

Garet left scowling.

"IVAN HAS DIED!" The girl screamed. Garet turned around. The girl was now a blue puffball with red eyes, yellow fangs and was running around screaming like a savage.

"What the…" Garet stared at t he angry puffball now ripping apart the train.

After the train stopped, Garet made a vow never to ride a train again.

Garet dragged the Ivan dummy around the stone walkways, searching for a sign to at least tell him where he was. There were a few signs, but all of them said something like:

"Peace means power! Prosperity on the other hand means CHICKEN PATTIES FOR EVERYONE! OMG!"

"Eating only makes you skinnier. Refusing to touch food means instant fatness."

"Join the Weight Loss Club! Find all your lost weight again and EMBRACE IT!"

Once or twice, there were signs that pointed right, left, and etcetera, but whenever he walked that way, another sign pointed him the opposite direction he had just went.

Another sign was also…strange like the first three.

"Please, if you want to get your socks back, jump on your head and sing loudly to praise the chicken god of the tree. You will then get your alarm clock back."

"Uh…chicken god of the tree?" Garet said, staring at the sign. He looked at the Ivan dummy. "Is this stuff and nonsense?"

The Ivan dummy only looked at him as it always had been. So he jumped on his head and sang loudly to praise the chicken god of the tree and got an alarm clock in the shape of an evil carrot that ate brains.

"What the?"

The carrot exploded, knocking the dummy unconscious. Garet's hair was blown back like it was being hit by a hair dryer's gust.

"What's a hair dryer?"

"Shut up Garet, I DON'T EXIST." The mysterious voice said mysteriously. Ahem, it's NOT a scary accent mind you.

"EEP!" Garet squeaked, and hid under a desk that appeared MYSTERIOUSLY. "Wow, a mysterious desk." Garet peered at the desk that was now sheltering him from the MYSTERIOUS voice.

"Go to the LAND OF OZ." The voice said MYSTERIOUSLY again. "Oops, I mean, GO TO THE LAND OF THE FLUBBER BU- I MEAN, CUTHBERTS."

"Yeah. AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THERE?" Garet snapped back. Then his hair set on fire.

"Uh…oops." The not-so mysterious voice apologized. Garet fell on a chair.

"Ow…" Garet muttered, a huge bruise wobbling on his head.

"GARET, I AM YOUR 'SORT OF MOHTER'!" a familiar voice thundered right in his eardrum.

"GYAAAAAAAAUGH!" Garet screamed as soon as he saw who was standing in front of him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE! THE TERROR! THE HORROR! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SHUT UP!" Feizhi slapped Garet on the face, her violet hair flying in his face. It was scented of 'Essence de Feizhi'.

"NOOOOO! I'M ALLERGIC TO 'ESSENCE de FEIZHI!" Garet screamed and ran across the room into a corner and began rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb.

Feizhi glared at him sharply.

"I wish you wouldn't emphasize that." She growled, and began strutting around the room.

"Uh…why are you strutting-"

"I AM NOT STRUTTING!" she screeched. "Your 'Sort of Father' was supposed to pick you up, not you fall into that chair over there.

"It was this mysterious voice!" Garet protested. "He-She-or whatever that was sent me here! You didn't even bother to send me any directions!"

"Liar! You will be our maid until this story is over!" Feizhi sniffed.

"I am NOT a girl!" Garet yelled, and received another slap. Feizhi began strutting again.

Garet sat by the sink washing the dishes silently. And suddenly, he had the urge to sing some stupid song and daydream a little. Some stupid ditty about "Daisies in my dung composite". As soon as he began to sing the first verse of the 100, Feizhi came by and gave him a good spanking.

"This is embarrassing huh?" The voice said with a small tinge of pity. And then it began to giggle madly. "You have to wash the DISHES!"

"Shut up!" he screamed. He opened his eyes and saw a red faced Feizhi. "Uh… I wasn't talking to you…" Garet stuttered, Feizhi now rounding up on him.

"HYYYYY-YARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Cuthbert house shook as Feizhi began to mutilate Garet.

Garet was all mangled up after Feizhi had finished him up. He twitched in the leg after she had finished beating him up, and then Feizhi had karate chopped him there. The Ivan dummy looked at him with a funny face.

"What?" Garet squawked, as the doll began standing up. "Save me Ivan!" Garet wailed. "I GAVE YOU LIFE!"

"You did?" Ivan looked at Garet who was now getting beaten up again for talking. "But you seem so weak. How could you give me life?"

"I TOOK YOU OFF THE TRAIN! I GAVE YOU REFUGE! I PROTECTED YOU! I AM YOUR FATHER!" Garet announced proudly.

"REALLY?" Ivan squealed and began glowing with pride. "I have a wimp for a father!"

Garet face faulted.

"I swear, everyone hates me!" Garet cried loudly. Feizhi began to beat him up again.

Feizhi glared at him furiously.

"If you won't cope with me, then you're going to sleep outside!" she screeched and threw him out the door.

The night was still young, and the moon was still climbing slowly up.

"I hate my job!" Mr. Bright screamed as he slowly walked up the sky. "Mr. Shine gets to see EVERYTHING! But me? All I get is this crummy planet! I WANNA BE A SUN!"

"Ok…now the moon is speaking. Could anything get more weird?" Garet said bluntly. A red fish began swimming past his face. "Whoa, too weird."

Ivan ran out the door after him. "I'm a real boy!" he screamed, and tripped over a rock, his stuffing falling out slightly. "I'M A REAL BOY!" He wailed loudly.

Suddenly, a car came 'poot-pooting' along the road, making strange noises and exploding here and there, the wheels nearly popping out. Feizhi came running out.

"Drats! I was hoping you would be out longer – I mean, I'm so glad you're home!" Feizhi said in mock joy.

"Uh…there…was no boy?" Felix whimpered nervously as he got out of the car that was now slightly bulging at one side, threatening to burst at the spot.

"Shut up Felix dear, the girl's right here." Feizhi snarled, and pointed at Garet.

"But…he's a boy. Did you just call him a girl-" Felix began and was cut off by a loud SLAP noise that came from Feizhi's hand contacting to Felix's face. "Ou…that hurt…" he attempted again, and received another slap.

And so it came that Garet was a girl, and was slave GIRL to Feizhi and Felix, having to work day on end without stopping. However, Feizhi, no matter how hard he worked, she always wanted to throw him out. Felix on the other hand found him more of "Useful."

"Useful, go tell Feizhi that I need a better allowance. Half of a penny isn't worth anything in the marketing world." Felix grunted from his couch and passed Garet a brown gold piece.

"Uh…what's a penny?" Garet said, fingering the coin.

"Something used in the world of money." Felix muttered carelessly and waved him off.

Garet headed anxiously towards Feizhi's room. He began to raise a hand to knock the closed door and hesitated. But somehow, Feizhi seemed to read his mind even though she didn't even see him there.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Garet nearly ran off squealing like a madman. He opened the door gingerly, and no matter how careful Garets are, they never can do anything right. The door toppled on its hinges.

"SLAVE BOY!" Feizhi screeched. "YOUR NECK IS MINE!"

"PENNY!" Garet screamed.

"NECKS AND PENNIES! I LOVE THAT MOVIE!" Felix piped up. Feizhi gave him a sharp glance, enough to make him cower down.

"Fine then. FELIX HONEY, WAS THIS YOUR IDEA TO KNOCK DOWN THIS DOOR?" she glared at Felix who was now withering on the ground. "WELL? WAS IT?"

"N-no. N-n…" Felix stuttered.

"I WANT A 'YES OR A NO!' IS THAT A YES OR A NO? LOUDER!" Feizhi demanded, her hair flying wildly into her face.

"No…" Felix managed to squeak.

"Good. Now leave me alone." Feizhi demanded and shoved the two out the door.

"Well SHEESH, look what you did!" Felix snapped at Garet.

"Liar! It was YOUR STUPID PENNY!" Garet said back furiously, a bit too forcefully, and dropped the half a penny.

"PENNY!" a voice out of nowhere screamed. Ivan came scurrying across the floor and snatched the penny away. "Drats, its split!" he screamed in anguish.

"Uh…weren't you stuffed a moment ago?" Garet looked at Ivan, who looked quite regular to him now.

"I'M A REAL BOY!" Ivan screamed. Seconds later, an enormous bird of prey misinterpreted him as a bunny, and he was killed into stuffing again. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ivan wailed and beat the floor with his stuffed hands. "IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE THIS WAY!"

A/N: hope this Chappie was better than the first…REVIEW PLEASE! ...please?