Chapter 3 – Killing Time
A/N: Don't take the chapter name too seriously. It means to kill time, not the time to kill. That is, unless you want it that way. Or maybe it IS time to kill…hehehehehe…No violence however. Now most of you are probably screaming: "But IVAN died! HE DIED!" Well…he's a stuffed guy. He's like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. A dummy. I DON'T OWN GOLDEN SUN. O.O
Garet frowned at the pile of dirty dishes. It was his day for chores. Like everyday. He groaned and began wiping the dishes slowly. It was to his most unfortunate luck that Feizhi passed by.
"HURRY UP! PUMP SOME MUSCLE INTO THAT WASHING!" she screeched, and whacked his head.
Garet rubbed his head slightly as Felix walked by and gave him a small bag of gold coins.
"Just in case Feizhi goes crazy and doesn't cook any food, Useful." Felix muttered sheepishly and ran off, Feizhi now on his tail screaming like a monster. "HELP! THERE'S A MADWOMAN IN OUR HOUSE! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"
So he left to go buy something. (Well DUH. What did you think was going to happen? Ivan is going to fall into a pothole?)
…
Meanwhile with Ivan…
…
"YAAAAAAAAAH!" Ivan screamed as he fell into a pothole in the road, and got ran over twice by a motorcar. (Of course, this is NOT violent because he's a plush duh.)
…
Uh…
…
Do not mind that…
It was…
Uh…
Done without my asking. Eheheh…
Garet walked down the street.
"Uh…bread markets…fine diners…soup shop…gourmet foods…YES! TORMENT FOODS! I LURVES TORMENT FOODS!" Garet screamed at the top of his lungs and ran off to the Gourmet food shop.
The bell on the door rang joyfully as Garet pushed the door open cautiously. The room was filled with guests bustling back and forth. Garet came in slowly. A man with a very raised nose came walking towards him.
"Your money." The man said officially.
"How can he speak officially?"
"Shut up Garet before I seal your mouth for you. Permanently."
"Wait, are you that weird mysterious voice again?"
"SHUT UP I SAID!"
The waiter was now staring at Garet like he was mad.
"Ahem, your money? If you don't pay before coming in, you can't eat."
"Is this an all-you-can-eat?" Garet suggested hopefully. The man shook his head no. "THEN WHAT'S THE USE OF PAYING FIRST?"
"Sir, PAY or LEAVE." The man said firmly.
Garet mumbled something under his breath and slammed several gold pieces into the man's stubby hand.
"Sir, this is way too much-I mean, uh…this is good…this is VERY good." The greedy waiter fingered the gold. Garet eyed him suspiciously and snatched several gold pieces out of his hand.
"Just give me a good deal before I set you on fire." Garet growled, pushing his face into the waiter's face.
The waiter, shaken up, pointed him towards his seat, muttering about how stupid his job was. Garet thought he would find good foods here. He was wrong.
"Fried Bumblebee Heads? ARE YOU JOKING?" Garet screamed at the waiter when he returned to ask what he would like to order. "FLY TOMATO STEW? IS THIS SOME GAG?"
"I can explain sir, I can explain…" The waiter attempted only to get the menu stuffed in his face.
"I DON'T WANT ICKY STUFF! I WANT YUMMIES!" Garet pouted like a small child.
"Fine, fine. Skip to the desserts…" The waiter muttered hopelessly, and pointed to the gourmet desserts.
Garet pointed innocently to the double chocolate whipped cream sundae. The waiter walked off with a huff with his order. Several seconds later, the man came out with a gigantic sundae. Garet's eyes turned extra shiny. The waiter groaned as Garet mashed his face into the ice cream.
"He's making our diner look bad…" he muttered under his breath.
Garet looked up a moment, then spat all of the ice cream on him.
"THIS…THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! A SCANDAL! YOU ARE THE WORST DINER EVER! I'M GOING TO THE BREAD SHOP ACROSS THE STREET!" Garet spat in disgust, then set the waiter's mustache on fire.
After finally satisfying himself with several loaves of bread, Garet walked back to the Cuthbert home.
"I'm HOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEE!" An over enthusiastic Garet sang. Feizhi who was now attempting to slaughter Felix who was clinging for his dear life on the ceiling fan, just an inch from Feizhi's reach was his first sight. Not something someone would want to see.
"HELP ME!" Felix wailed. The plush Ivan was attempting to stop Feizhi's rampage, but was having no success, for she was stabbing a hole in his head and pulling out the stuffing.
"You can't hurt me! I'm THE INVINCIBLE IVAN!" Ivan sang triumphantly. Feizhi grabbed a match and began waving it around. Ivan screamed and hid under the couch where Feizhi could not reach him.
"YOU! GARET! GET FELIX DOWN!" Feizhi screeched, her spit flying everywhere.
Garet looked up where Felix was.
"Eh…he's gone." Garet said quickly, hoping Feizhi would fall for his bluff.
Feizhi glared at him, giving Felix a moment to make a Felix-sized hole through the roof, where he escaped.
"YAAAAH! FELIX DON'T LEAVE ME!" Garet screamed, now in a fit of hysterics.
Felix groaned. He just threw their cover. Feizhi screamed in a mixture of fury and pain as Ivan slipped under from the couch and bit her leg. Of course, it didn't really hurt. It was just sort of itchy-scratchy.
"Uh…what are we doing?" Garet quipped.
"WE'RE KILLING EACH OTHER DOH." Feizhi bashed Ivan's stuffed head.
"Ow I think." Ivan squeaked.
"OMG!" Felix sang.
"LOL!" Ivan screamed.
"SHUT UP!" Feizhi grabbed out her cutting knife and chopped off Ivan's stuffed leg.
"Ha! I'm the scarecrow from Dorothy and the Wizard of the Oz thingy!" Ivan attempted to laugh evilly but ended up sounding like he was trying to hiccup loudly. "You can't hurt me cause I'M STUFFING!"
"It's Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz, not Dorothy and the Wizard of the Oz you dolt." Garet yelled from where he was now hiding – in the hamper.
"LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE!" Felix cried and wet himself as Feizhi began strangling Ivan's stuffed head off.
Ivan was in a fit of hysterics and Feizhi managed to rip off his hair but not his head.
"Aaaah, violence is not the answer – tis a question." The author said from the couch, drinking a bottle of fizzy soda.
"Uh…speak English." Garet stared blankly.
"I am speaking English you dolt." The person snapped and threw the bottle of fizzy soda at him.
"Hey! You're the mysterious voice!"
"So what?"
"Uh…I don't know."
"Um…I don't exist, I EXSIST IN YOUR I-MA-GIN-ATION."
"…I don't get it."
"It is best for one to swallow their hopes and throw up their pride."
"Uh…"
"I like potatoes personally."
"PLEASE SHUT UP!" Garet wailed. The person grinned evilly and summoned… "NOOOOOOO! DUST BUNNIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"Uh…actually, they're spiders."
"AAAAGH! SPIDERS!" Garet screamed as the spiders began crawling all over him.
Feizhi began to laugh madly – that is, until a spider crawled on her head.
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEeeeeeEEE!"
A/N: Uh…was that weird or what? I never thought I would end it so bluntly. OO REVIEW! I DON'T TYPE FOR NOTHIN!