DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Trek.
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AFTER THIRTY DAYS – by YANNIK.
Chapter Fifteen – B'ELANNA.
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When she came back from the Engineering at the end of previous beta shift, she was welcomed by muffled, unidentified sounds. As she entered Tom's bedroom, and called for illumination, the sight made her heart weep. The sheets were all messed up, he lay cuddled tightly, uttering incoherent sounds, clutching at the pillow, his hair damp from the sweat.
It took her at least a minute to bring him around, but it seemed like hours. When he finally woke up, and looked at her with lucid eyes, the pain and fear were still there. She asked if the nightmare was about the brig days, and he trailed off again, only to nod after a while, get up, and leave her to her thoughts.
He didn't speak to her, and left for his shift sooner than needed.
It worried her.
She had a feeling that due to that Engineering crisis, she missed out on something in his condition. Now that everything was well and calm down there, she decided it was time to spend a while together. And what could be better than one of his favorite holodeck programs?
She waited in the holographic camaro he designed, dressed in a holographic outfit that matched the style of late XX-th century 60's. Yes, she set a trap for him, and she thought that an excellent idea.
When he entered, the dumbfounded look on his face was rewarding enough.
"Get in!" she exclaimed, and threw some cloths in his direction. "But first wear these." He had to look stylish also.
"What's that about?"
"We'll go for a little joyride. This will be fun, c'mon!"
"You don't need help with the panel?"
"Oh, Tom!" she was getting impatient at his lack of cooperation. "Isn't that obvious? What do I have to tell you? Get in and drive!"
He shrugged, still standing there, and holding the cloths in his hand.
"I don't know…"
"What?"
"The Doc might need me…"
"If he does, he'll call you! Tom, you need some break, you need to have some fun. Did you have any fun these days?"
"We worked on Captain Proton with Harry."
"Now that makes me jealous." He smiled at that statement. At least she made him smile, that was something. "You know how little time we have together now. Actually we didn't have any time together over the last few days! I know we could spend it some other way" she smiled deviously, "but going to our quarters at our work time is out of the question. So let's just… do something we'd both enjoy."
"You like me driving?" his tone was doubtful, but he eventually put the blouse and jeans on, and sat behind the wheel. "Where do you want to go?" he asked
"Just ahead. And drive fast, safety protocols are enabled. I want to feel the wind in my hair!"
He ignited, and slowly rolled onto the highway.
B'Elanna let them ride in silence for a couple of minutes, just for him to relax, before she started interrogating.
"Are you feeling all right?" she asked with light concern, stroking his neck with the tips of her fingers. Despite the fact that their contact was brief, she felt the muscles in his shoulders tense.
"Yeah" was the whole answer. But she was none to give up easily.
"You sleeping okay?"
"Did you talk to Harry?"
"Why?" His question surprised her. She suddenly remembered that Harry had come to her couple of days ago, willing to share some worries, but she had been busy with the repairs, so he had backed off, saying it could wait. "No. What about?"
"My sleep. Harry keeps nagging me about it. And now you… I just thought…" he shrugged.
"No. I'm worried by myself. That nightmare last night…"
"Just a nightmare. Not a big deal. Where now?" he asked stopping at the crossroads. The choice was between a road in the mountain forest, and seaside cliffs. She choose the latter.
"The ocean view?" he confirmed
"Mhm."
"Okay. Ocean view suits me just fine." Was that bitterness she heard in his voice? Yes, so that was all about an ocean that made him end up in that brig, but he could finally stop being so touchy about it!
"Look" she sighed. "I know it's been tough for you – those last few weeks, but…" she stopped, hearing him snort with contempt. "What?"
"Nothing" he shrugged, his eyes fixed hard on the road ahead. They were accelerating, she realized.
"Oh, c'mon! What did you want to say?"
"Nothing." They accelerated a bit more.
"Please, don't give me that bullshit! You wanted to say something, so please just do!"
"It's really nothing, B'Elanna." His voice was quiet, but white knuckles of palms gripping the wheel, contradicted his calmness. "Computer, add traffic on the road. File: Paris-473."
She eyed him coldly, realizing, that when he was like this, there was no way to get under that thick skull of his! She needed him to relax, she had to regain his trust, before she could quiz him. Suddenly she thought that just one ride wouldn't do. Too much time was wasted right after he was released from the brig. They overtook some car slower than theirs.
"I'm sorry" she whispered, not really intending him to hear that. But he heard, of course.
"For what?" he spat, nearing on the rear of another car. It was breaking at curves, red lights flashing up an down.
"For… I don't know… for not helping you get through that." She caught hold of the armrest, Tom was aiming at another overtake, but the road ahead hid behind the next curve.
"I don't need your help."
He tried his luck, but some fast vehicle wheezed past them, forcing him to return to his side of the road.
"You don't?"
They went past the curve, but there was a van nearing from the opposite direction.
"No. I'm a Starfleet officer" he yelled, speeding up, and attempting an overtake nonetheless. "If I couldn't deal with stuff like that on my own, then I would not be worthy to be one!"
Like he ever cared! – she thought.
But before she could think of an answer, the van's corpus jarred with their fender, the sound piercing her brain, forcing her to shut her eyes tight, and curl inside.
And then suddenly everything was quiet again. Ocean waves hitting the cliffs with soft murmur, far below. The camaro was standing on an empty highway, untouched, with them, safe and sound, sitting inside.
Tom ignited again, and moved along, determination marking his actions. B'Elanna sighed.
"Easy, Tom."
"I should have made it" he said through clenched teeth.
She waited a while, but she just couldn't be silent anymore. From all that speed, action and adventure her blood started boiling.
"Tom" she tried again, "I know how you feel. Being demoted, and all…"
"You know nothing. You have no idea, so just stop pretending that you understand anything."
"But I want to understand!"
"B'Elanna…" he started, but she just couldn't bear with it anymore.
"And don't 'B'Elanna' me! Khaless! I am your friend. Your mate, for god sake! If anyone is supposed to understand you, it's me! It must be me!"
He didn't respond this time. But she suddenly saw his defenses fall. His shoulders slumped, his chin quavered. She got scared that he might just cry out here, and she thought that would break her heart into tiny little pieces.
"Tom" she stroked his arm lightly. "What don't I understand? What don't I know?"
"What was happening with me in that brig" he whispered.
"Tell me."
He shook his head.
"I can't."
"Tom…"
"I must deal with it myself. That's the way of a Starfleet officer. That's the way of Paris."
Ah, there it was! She couldn't let him involve the Admiral, and his opinions into that!
"Your father…"
"Has nothing to do with it. I disgraced myself, and I must get over it. That's the end of the story, we're not going to discuss it any further." His stony mask was back on, even harder than before. She lost her little chance at getting to him. And how? What did she do wrong, what did she say? She couldn't think of anything.
So she stared at the road ahead. The curves and turns were disappearing under the hood of the car at incredibly fast rate. She eyed the console, but numbers didn't tell her much. The feeling of speed was much more telling, and she didn't enjoy "wind in her hair" at all. They were overtaking cars smoothly now, as Tom was adjusting his speed, if encountering someone from across. And he was accelerating more and more.
B'Elanna looked at his face, and saw a lone tear streaming down his cheek. From the wind, or from the turmoil inside?
She was observing him, so she didn't notice why there was another ugly crashing noise, and a feeling of being nearly turned upside down.
When she looked up, they were back on the road again.
Tom threw the gear with fury.
"We could…" she started, thinking this program was not the best idea after all. She really wanted to quit now.
"I should have made it!" he barked.
"It's okay."
"No it's not!"
B'Elanna closed her eyes. The speed she felt was incredible. She tried to relax, and enjoy it. She remembered Tom's elation when he was driving 'Voyager' at warp nine. He was nowhere near that happiness now. So she couldn't be happy either. That speed was destructive, not thrilling.
She wanted to just end the program, but she knew that all his tension would get lashed out on her then, so she tried to give him a warning.
"We should quit now, y'know."
But he didn't say a word. Another car overtaken, and another one, and one more. He was squeezing quite perfectly now, until they hit a truck, and were thrown off the highway, and started somersaulting down the cliff. For a blink of an eye only, but her stomach was in her throat. She swallowed, looking at the empty, peaceful road ahead.
"Fuck!" Tom was none to give up yet. He wanted one more!
"Tom" she tried to reason with him. "You're tired, you weren't sleeping well lately, plus…"
"If I'm unable to drive that shit when I'm tired, then how am I supposed to pilot that boat?" he yelled.
"Oh, c'mon."
"No c'mon! I have to…"
He accelerated.
"Easy."
"I should be able to take those curves even if I didn't sleep for a whole month!"
"You're overreacting" she answered briskly, but then held her breath. A month? "How long didn't you sleep?" she asked in much more quiet manner. He did not respond. How could she expect him to? But she desperately needed to know "Tom?"
"Including those days in the brig?" he reacted finally.
"Yes" she answered cautiously.
"Long."
"Uh-uh. And after you were released?" she tried, still careful. They were finally talking! Not very conveniently, but still.
"I didn't count" he replied indifferently.
"Did you sleep at all?" she hoped this interrogation wouldn't end up with him closing up at the least expedient moment again. But it surprisingly still continued.
"And hour per night maybe" his answer dumbfound her.
"An hour?"
"I can deal with that."
"How!" she exhaled, not believing anything she was hearing.
"I work alpha in a Sickbay, remember?" was his explanation. She did not understand.
"So?"
"Metamphetamine."
But that was a drug!
"What!"
"What?" he shrugged. "It's legal." Was he enjoying that?
"Did the Doctor prescribe it for you?"
"No. I did. I'm Doctor's assistant."
Now that was too much to bear with!
"That's illegal! You can't prescribe medications for yourself." His only response was speeding up. "I have to tell the Doctor" B'Elanna warned.
"No you won't" he answered with incredible calmness.
"I have to. You need help. If you can't sleep, you should take sedative, not…"
"You won't tell anyone about this."
"Tom. I want to help you! Doctor must know what's happening with you. And the Capitan…"
"No!"
"I have to tell them."
"No. You. Won't. Tell. Anybody. Computer: disable safety protocols, authorization Paris – Eta 3416."
"Safety protocols disabled."
Her mouth just gaped open. She looked at the road, at the rocks running fast beside them, at all those cars on the highway, and at speed indicator. 160 mph. Was that much?
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End of Part One.
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NOTE: So? What do you think?
B'Elanna would certainly like to know what was happening with Tom in that brig. Wouldn't you? Just stay tuned for my version of "Thirty Days", that should be published soon! And this one will be continued as well, I just don't know how soon...
Oh, and reveiws give me a boost for writing, so… down below… there's a button "GO"!
-yannik-