Paths of Desire
Chapter 01: Pretend Normality
The sun rose warm and friendly over Jump City on that third Saturday in June; and the inhabitants of Titans Tower slowly started to respond to its bright light. Raven, as usual, was the first of the five to awaken. She sat up at seventeen minutes past seven and reached her arms to the sky, stretching out the muscles that had cramped during the last eight hours of sleep. As her arms returned to her sides she ran her thin fingers through her dark purple hair, smoothing out a few knots along the way. Her feet swung out over the edge of the bed and she stood gracefully, moving across her room without effort to retrieve fresh clothing to start the day. The sun glared into her window harshly and she grumbled something sleepily about hating the fact that the sun rose so early, especially in the dead of summer; but that was the price one paid if they wished to sleep bathed in the cool glow of the moon, which was Raven's preferred way to drift into slumber. She was unwilling to forego this calming habit, and thusly resigned herself, as she had done so many times before, to simply deal with the sunlight. As quickly as the thought had entered her mind it vanished, and she made her way out her door and down the hallway to the girl's bathing quarters.
Starfire was not present, as she never was at this hour; Raven figured she and Robin would still be in bed, most likely entwined in each other's warm embrace. That was perfectly fine; Raven preferred the first shower of the morning, as her fellow female Titan had a horrible habit of using up all the hot water and leaving the cake of soap on the floor of the tub. It would sit there for an unknown amount of time, plotting horrible soap-like things, until Raven had the unfortunate experience of her foot finding it before her eyes could. In this case she almost always caught herself, but there had been a few mornings where she would find herself laying flat on her butt on the floor of the shower, her head aching where she had just hit it on the wall and her tailbone screaming from the impact against the base of the tub. After that she was either smart enough to check before she stepped, or make sure she was up early enough to avoid the whole fiasco in the first place. All the same she checked this morning, and reached out to turn on the shower after clarifying that the soap would not be waiting to destroy her, at least not today. Water rushed out of the overhead spout and hit the plaster of the large basin with a sort of clunking noise. Raven raised a delicate hand to the flow of water and held it there until the temperature met her approval, then stripped herself of her leotard and undergarments, discarded them in the purple laundry basket sitting in the corner, and stepped under the flow. The hot water hitting her skin drove away the last few clouds of drowsiness and she reached her hands up to push them through her hair, closing her eyes and releasing a soft sigh of contentment. Her showers felt almost as good to her as meditation, almost as good as falling asleep under the moon she loved so very much; showering was the ultimate physical cleanser, washing her body of yesterday's grime and replacing it with a clean, fresh start. This was as close to pure as Raven felt she could ever become, and she made sure to enjoy every moment of it. After giving herself a few minutes to simply stand in the downpour, water soaking her hair and rushing down her face and over the curves of her small body, she reached out and found the shampoo.
Ten minutes later found her emerging from the bathroom, fully changed and as ready to face the day as she ever felt she would be. She journeyed down the stairs and into the living room, glad that for the moment that there was silence and not the sounds of video games, accompanied by Cyborg and Beast Boy's competitive screams. At times it could be a wonderful relief, seeing them sitting their together, playing and acting like normal teenagers. At seven-thirty in the morning, however, it was damned annoying. Her feet carried her effortlessly into the kitchen and she set her kettle on the stove to boil, retrieving a cup and a teabag and placing them neatly on the counter before moving to the window to perform her morning meditation whilst waiting for the kettle to whistle. She pulled her legs up into the their usual position, her hands going out with her thumb and pointer finger pressed delicately together on each hand while her other finger curled themselves down into their respective palms. She closed her eyes and lifted effortlessly off the ground, hovering perfectly still as her center was found and her familiar chant slipped subconsciously past her lips.
"Azerath, Metrion, Zynthos... Azerath, Metrion, Zynthos..." The world around her started to crumble away slowly and she was left in her own mind, floating in the space between the waking world and the world of unconsciousness. She was content to remain here, smoothing out the creases in her mind until she could spend time with each individual emotion, until the medium heat on the stove finally set the kettle whistling. This was one of the few things she didn't mind pulling her from her mediation, and she opened her eyes and floated over to the kitchen, setting down and picking up her cup. She filled it three-fourths of the way with water and then moved to strain the tea bag out, placing it in the garbage can. After a moment's debating she decided a small spoon of sugar would be nice for this morning's brew and she added it quickly, wishing to journey up to the roof to continue her meditation. Her feet carried her out of the kitchen quickly and up the stairs leading to the roof, and she pushed the door open and broke out into the bright morning sun.
The one sight she didn't expect to have her eyes meet, however, was the sight of Beast Boy sitting on the edge of the roof, his feet dangling down into oblivion and his head bowed in sorrow. Raven stood frozen for a moment, debating whether she should join him or slip quietly back downstairs to leave him time alone. After all, the act of comforting another was not something she was accustomed to, though she had done it before a few times; first when Cyborg's car was stolen and then later when Starfire was having issues with that odd bump on her head. To her, those had been petty, meaningless problems – Cyborg's car could always be rebuilt and Starfire's bump would go away in time. Comforting a friend when they had lost a person, something that could never be replaced, was not an area Raven was neither familiar nor comfortable with. Hearing a soft sniffle come from Beast Boy, her devotion to her friends finally won out over her insecurities and she moved to sit next to him, her face stoic and emotionless as always. He glanced over at her and wiped at his puffy red eyes, his face streaked by tears.
"You're up unusually early today..." she muttered, for a lack of anything else to say, "Unless you've been up here all night, which wouldn't surprise me; you were still sitting down by the shore when I went to bed." Beast Boy sighed softly and nodded, wringing his hands in his lap.
"I couldn't sleep... I just kept thinking about Terra... how she just ran off like that, without letting me explain things... like our kindness meant nothing to her... like I meant nothing to her..." As he spoke his voice started to crack and break and he gulped, wiping quickly at his eyes again. Raven stared down into her tea, listening to his words and absorbing everything he said as she tried to collect her thoughts.
"She was... frightened," Raven finally started, taking a sip from her drink, "she felt that if we knew that she couldn't completely control her powers, we'd reject her. So when Robin confronted her with it, she panicked and converted back to that which was most familiar to her – fight or flight. Since fighting was not an option, she chose the only other path she could; she ran. Terra was so used to being shunned wherever she went because of her powers that she was unwilling to believe that someone would accept her for who she is. It's not anyone's fault but her own that she chose to leave; not ours, and most of all not yours." Beast Boy glanced up at her for a moment, searching her eyes. Although this sudden probing of her soul left her feeling unnerved she allowed him to search her, attempting to banish all emotion from her mind and therefore her eyes. Her efforts proved pointless, however, as after a few moment s a small smile crossed the changeling's face.
"Thanks Raven..." he whispered, turning to look out at the city. "I just... she was only here for a few days, but I felt such a connection with her... maybe I should have tried harder to get her to stay..." His voice was choking up again and Raven sighed inaudibly; this was definitely NOT her area of expertise.
"You couldn't of tried any harder, Beast Boy... you made it perfectly clear to her just how welcome she was. She trusted you more that the rest of us; the fact that she confided in you with her secrets is more than proof of that. Sometimes... sometimes you need to let something go to prove that it cares for you as much as you do for it. She'll come back someday, I'm sure of it... she'll come back for you," Raven replied, her cheeks taking on a slightly red tint as she spoke. It was rare that she spoke exactly what she was thinking when it came to any kind of emotion (other than Rage or annoyance, anyway...), and the fact that she had so openly expressed her opinion both shocked and embarrassed her. Beast Boy stared at her in silence for a long moment, obviously just as amazed as she was, and in response to his gaze her blush deepened, her eyes drifting down to stare into her tea.
"Thank you, Raven..." he whispered once again. There was something different in his voice, something that sent a soft shiver down her spine and stirred an emotion within her that was completely new to her. She nodded wordlessly to his thanks and idly brushed a strand of hair from her face, unable to look into his eyes again. Beast Boy yawned and stretched, a moment later laying himself out on the ledge of the roof and settling his head heavily against Raven's leg. She resisted the urge to jump and the blush returned to her cheeks full force, the sound of rocks crashing against each other down at the bayside reaching her ears. She didn't have to look to know that the shoreline was calm and peaceful otherwise, and that the objects involved in the heavy collisions were all surrounded in black energy. Quickly she pulled her hood up to hide her face, staring down at the young man dozing peacefully in her lap. She glanced out towards the city and brought a hand up idly, placing it upon his head and running her fingers through his hair. A soft smile turned up the corners of her mouth and she took a sip of her tea, closing her eyes.
"... you're welcome, Beast Boy... you're welcome."
Raven sat up on the roof with Beast Boy for almost two hours before she gently lifted him into her arms (though with some difficulty, seeing as how he had grown to be taller than her in the last year, despite the fact that Starfire's journey into the past had labeled BB as always being the shortest member on the team. Raven figured that the stress his future self had undergone at first the loss of Starfire and then the eventual breakup of the whole team had been the determining factor of his shortness) and opened a portal, stepping through it and appearing moment's later in the changeling's room. She crinkled her nose up a bit as the sight of clothing strewn everywhere, old take-out containers, dirty dishes, and filthy sheets met her eyes. When BB awoke later, they were going to be having a talk about his sanitation habits. For the moment she was content to lay him on his queen-size bed, which had taken the place of his old bunk bed about a year ago, and tuck the sheets up over his shoulders. He sighed in some form of reply and rolled over to cuddle against a pillow, muttering some random word in his sleep that Raven didn't quite understand. Raven rolled her eyes and shook her head, staring down at him in silence.
"... if you breathe so much as a word of what happened today to ANYONE, I'll make sure to kill you in the most painful of mannerisms..." she whispered, though the tone of her voice hardly backed up the threat her statement was meant to portray. Beast Boy remained asleep, that same smile still touching his lips softly. Raven mimicked it for just a moment before she turned away and opened another portal, stepping through it and appearing moments later in her room. She moved swiftly to the door and secured the lock, sealing herself within and guaranteeing that she would not be disturbed. A moment later she was standing at her dresser, her meditation mirror in her hand. She ran her fingers over the glass, watching as the four eyes of her father appeared in the reflection, staring up at her menacingly. She stared back in return until the hand reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into her mind as it had done so many times before. She fell through the swirling vortex and landed effortlessly on her feet moments later, glancing around quickly before heading down the pathway towards where the emotions lived. There was a new entity to meet.
TBC