[u]Part 45[/u]
"Okay!" Max yelled. Everyone was talking at once, the high pitch of hysteria becoming more pronounced with every passing second. "Everyone just [I]shut[/I] up! We need to think here!"
"What is there to think about?" Michael snapped. "We're trapped Maxwell! The only thing we need to do is get the hell out of here."
"And how are we supposed to do that without thinking about it?" Tess glared at him.
Michael appeared about to respond to her, but when it dawned on him that she was right, his mouth shut with a snap.
"Let's all just calm down," Max continued, nodding at Tess in thanks. "Liz isn't here. It's obviously screwing things up. We need to figure out [I]why[/I] she isn't here and deal with it."
"Isn't it obvious?" Isabel demanded. "She can't be depended on. I so [I]knew[/I] this was going to happen!"
"Isabel, what are you talking about?" Tess rounded on her. "For God's sake, we all know that Liz is the only one who can be depended on all the time. The things she's done for us." She raised her hand, her fingers spread. "Do I need to list them? Because I will." She dropped one finger. "For starters, she walked away from Max when she thought that was the best thing for [I]all[/I] of us."
"Okay," Isabel interrupted, sounding embarrassed. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just upset. I know this isn't Liz's fault. What I don't get is why she isn't here. What did we do wrong?"
"We didn't do anything wrong," Michael argued. "We're here, aren't we? I say we get on with it and try to heal her."
"Michael, that's what we were trying to do," Tess reminded him. "It didn't work. We need Liz here. Obviously."
"I don't think it's obvious at all." Will spoke up here, making Max grimace slightly. He glanced at his nemesis, who had been listening quietly as they all argued. It dawned on Max for the first time that Will was technically the only "new" alien who had made it into the connection. Kate was there in body, but was quite obviously nowhere to be found in spirit.
"What do you mean?" Tess demanded.
"I think there's a reason Liz [I]isn't[/I] here," Will replied. "It's the only thing that makes sense. She's already made a connection to both Max and me. She should be here. Which means that there's a reason she's not."
Max exchanged a glance with Isabel, who was frowning. He could almost see the wheels turning in his sister's head. He didn't know what to make of what Will had said, but could see that Isabel was taking it seriously. "Did anyone else think it was weird that Whittaker decided that Jack shouldn't be a part of the connection?" she finally asked abruptly. "I mean, he was right when he argued that he should be here. He has the strongest connection to Kate. He [I]should[/I] be here. I know that if anyone could call [I]me[/I] back from somewhere, it would be Michael." She looked at Max, then continued carefully, as though she was afraid that she was going to somehow hurt [I]him[/I] by what she was saying, "We've always known that there was a special bond between Michael and me. It wasn't until Tess came that we understood it, but we've always [I]felt[/I] it."
Max nodded slowly, recognizing what his sister was getting at. Michael and he had always been close, but more out of proximity and necessity, rather than understanding. He loved his friend like a brother, but he didn't always understand him. Not like Isabel always had. It wasn't a bond like the one he shared with Liz - he knew that Michael and Isabel weren't in love - but there was certainly something there beyond his own connection to Michael.
Which made him agree with his sister. It was extremely odd that Jack had been left out of this connection. Max didn't know Kate or Jack very well, but it was obvious that they were very close.
"Are you saying that he was left out to screw things up?" Michael demanded. "That Whittaker can't be trusted?"
"Did anyone [I]really[/I] trust her anyway?" Isabel countered.
"I did," Tess stated. "I mean, in a way, she's [I]me[/I]."
Max looked at Will. He shrugged. "She has pretty much spent her entire life lying. I don't know [I]what[/I] to think."
"So, you're planning to reject her, too," Tess said, sounding disdainful. "Just like you did last time?"
"She's not [I]my[/I] Serena," Will snapped. "Not to mention, it wasn't Khivar's fault. Serena [I]lied[/I] to him. He loved Rowena."
"That's ridiculous," Tess exclaimed. "He was married to Serena. No matter how good an actress Serena might have been, he had to love her at least a bit. Not if their marriage was as happy as you both seem to remember. She couldn't be Rowena completely - ever."
"She was her clone," Will argued. "Close enough."
"Please," Tess retorted. "That's like saying we're all exactly the same as we were back then. We know already that's not true."
"You're not even really Serena!" Will yelled. "You're some weird half and half freak show!"
"Whoa!" Max exclaimed. "Enough!" He scowled at Will. "You can't talk to Tess like that."
Tess didn't seem upset, or at least not in the way Max would have expected having been attacked in such a fashion. She wasn't on the verge of tears. Instead, she was crimson with fury. Max had never seen her so angry. Tess had always been as cool as a cucumber, at least in his dealings with her. She had been emotional with Liz, but never had she been as furious as she was presently. He could practically see steam coming out of her ears.
"Need I remind you that we're all half and half freak shows?" Isabel added, sounding a little amused, if Max was not mistaken.
"What's so funny?" Tess demanded, glaring at Max's sister.
"You are, Tess," Isabel told her. "You let him get to you. I've never seen [I]anyone[/I] get to you." She paused, then added impishly, "Well, except maybe Kyle."
Tess turned her head away, obviously deciding that there was no possible come-back to that.
"We're getting off track here," Max said firmly. "The question on the table is, do we trust Whittaker or not?"
"What does it matter?" Will asked, obviously struggling to control his tone, so that he was no longer confrontational. "It doesn't matter if we trust her. We don't even trust each other."
"That's not true," Max replied mildly. "I trust everyone here."
"Of course you do," Will said, sounding sarcastic. "Just like I do."
Max clenched his jaw, determined that this irritating son of a bitch was not going to get to [I]him.[/I] "Why would I lie?"
"Oh, you wouldn't," Will replied, obviously even more irritated. "Not the perfect Zan. So perfect he stole my wife."
"She was never your wife!" Tess yelled, so surprising everyone, even herself, that the silence that followed was almost eerie. "You [I]need[/I] to get over it," she eventually continued, almost kindly. "I know it's hard." She glanced at Max. He felt his face heating up. He realized she was referring to the fact that she still had some feelings for him, in spite of everything they had learned. "But it just wasn't true."
"I know it," Will said, his voice cracking a little. Max watched in amazement as Tess moved forward slightly, then stopped. It was as if she wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but didn't feel entirely right doing so. "It doesn't make it any easier to accept."
There was another long moment of silence, and then Isabel spoke up tentatively. "I. I wonder if that's what [I]this[/I] is all about." She waved her hand in the air, indicating the fact that they were trapped in the granolith. "That we're all stuck here until we accept that we might not like what we're going to learn about ourselves in here."
"That still doesn't explain why Jack and Liz aren't here," Michael reminded her.
"Maybe they're ready," Isabel shrugged. "Maybe [I]we're[/I] not."
"But we're the ones who've always known we're aliens!" Michael exclaimed. "It doesn't make sense that [I]we're[/I] having trouble with this!"
"Jack's always known too," Will reminded him. "But he's always been the one who rolls the easiest with the punches. Jondar was killed in our last lives, but he wasn't a major player in the war." He paused, then added, "I've always sort of suspected that it was why he wasn't as desperate for revenge as Kate and me. He just doesn't feel the same anger about it all."
"Liz doesn't have the same baggage the rest of us do either," Max said pensively. "She's actually accepted this all pretty well. I think Isabel's right. We're here to learn something. Something we haven't allowed ourselves to learn."
"What can we possibly learn that could be anywhere worse than what we already know?" Tess asked, sounding tired. "I don't think I can take much more of this."
"I think we all sort of feel that way," Max told her, knowing that he sounded wry. He couldn't help it. It had been the most hellish week of his life, and he was even including the time he had spent in the White Room. At least then there had been no grey area. There had been good and there had been evil, and he had known he was on the right side.
"I'm ready," Michael insisted. "I know I am."
"But are you really, Michael?" Isabel asked. "I mean, it's going to change everything. What if you go in there, come out with your memories, and then suddenly you're in love with [I]me[/I] again? Doesn't that scare you even a little bit? What about Maria?"
Michael stared at her. "I won't be." Max heard the slight tremor in his best friend's voice though, as if Isabel's words were somehow hitting the mark.
"But what if it happens?" Isabel pressed. "It's happened before, Michael. Back when we thought I was pregnant with your baby. You totally flipped out and became someone completely different. I don't think you [I]are[/I] ready for this." She moved forward, took his hand. "I think you're scared, even if you won't admit it. You're scared that you're going to hurt Maria again, without even meaning to."
Max shook his head in amazement. As usual, Isabel had understood Michael better than he had. If they were all in here for a reason, he had been pretty sure that Michael was the only one of them who had gotten there quite by accident. Rath had no difficult history with anyone, after all. He had been the most loyal and trusted of friends - then and now.
And, yet, now he worried about how loyal being here was to the one person he loved more than anyone.
"Maybe," Michael finally muttered gruffly. "I don't see what standing around here is going to do about it though. I can't change how I feel."
"I think just acknowledging it is going to change things," Isabel replied. She looked at Tess. "What about you?"
"What about me?" Tess asked, taking a step back.
"What are you worried about?" Isabel asked.
"I'm not worried about anything," Tess insisted. "I [I]like[/I] what I know about who I was. I want to be Serena."
Isabel just stared at her. Max looked at Will, whose arms were crossed. He had a strange expression on his face, one Max couldn't quite identify, but he was, without a doubt, waiting for Tess's response.
Tess's shoulders sagged suddenly under the weight of Isabel's regard. "You're really annoying, you know that?" she muttered.
"Don't be annoyed," Isabel told her firmly. "Just be honest."
"Honest like I was before?" Tess demanded. She looked at Will, then away. She continued though, almost blurting it out. "Why do you think what he said pissed me off so much? He was right! I was, am, and always will be a complete liar. My entire gift is a lie for God's sake! Serena deserved everything she got!"
"What did she get, Tess?" Max asked gently, his heart going out to her. He couldn't help it. Even though he had once been the victim of her lies, there was no question now that everything she had been before had been completely engineered by Nasedo. She had been raised in lies, had continued the lying, but, now, she feared that she could never escape it.
"She got rejected," Tess replied tearfully. "The one person she wanted didn't want her. Just like none of you wanted [I]me[/I]."
Max was about to move to comfort her, but surprisingly Michael beat him to it. "Of course we want you, Tess," he insisted, his arm going around her slender shoulders. She seemed impossibly small and vulnerable next to Michael's large frame. "We just want the real you. We've always been ready to accept her."
"But I don't even know who the real me is!" Tess wailed, burying her face against Michael's chest.
"What? And you think any of us do?" Michael demanded. "Why do you think we're here?"
"I know why [I]I'm[/I] here," Isabel admitted. "It's because I don't quite believe that Vilandra was as innocent as everyone seems to think. Whether she was fooled by that shapeshifter or not, she knew that loving Khivar was wrong. She was betraying her brother and her entire planet."
"Isabel, you don't know how it was," Max reminded her. "You can't make judgments like that before knowing for sure."
"Maybe not," Isabel replied. "But I already have. And I think that's why I'm here. Because I'm going to misinterpret anything I see. I know I am." She shrugged. "And figuring this out isn't going to help much, because it's not going to change how I feel, just because I know that's what I'm going to do."
"But somehow [I]me[/I] knowing what I'm worried about does change things?" Michael demanded. "That makes no sense, Isabel."
Isabel started, then stared at him. She eventually smiled slightly. "Point taken."
Michael nodded his head in satisfaction. He looked at Will, "So, what's your guilty secret? What are you afraid of?"
"You know mine," Will muttered.
"What? That you're going to find out your precious Rowena never loved you?" Michael demanded. "I don't buy that. You know it already. No, it's something else."
"Why do I have to tell you?" Will snapped. "Isn't it enough that [I]I[/I] know?"
"I don't think so," Isabel told him gently. "I think the whole point of this is to make us trust each other. In every way. You need to tell us."
There was a long pause, as Will seemed to mull this over. "This doesn't really seem fair," he finally told them. "I mean, you've all known each other for years. Why do I have to bare my soul to complete strangers?"
"We won't be complete strangers after the connection," Isabel reminded him. "I think that Whittaker or the granolith, or whatever, is giving us the chance to come clean before we all know anyway."
"So, what about Liz and Jack?" Michael asked. "Don't they need to know this stuff?"
"I have the feeling that those two will accept anything we show them," Isabel answered. "We're the judgmental ones. They'll still like us anyway. But, this group here, if we see something we don't like, we may pull out."
"How do you know all this, Isabel?" Tess asked, sounding dumbfounded.
"I just know [I]me[/I]," Isabel replied. "I'm not too jazzed to be about to find out exactly what you all think of me. I'm also not very happy that you're about to know what I think of all of you. It just seems logical that the granolith is trying to prepare the chickens among us in advance."
"I wished my sister dead," Will blurted, startling Max. He had been focused on Isabel, as had the others, and they all whipped around to stare at the dark-haired guy.
"What?" Michael demanded.
"Well, not really," Will amended. "But." He paused, then continued in a rush, "I told Liz this earlier. I was working with Nasedo. Kate figured it out. Because of that, for one, brief, moment, I never wanted her to wake up."
"[I]What![/I]" Michael bellowed. He looked about ready to leap at Will, but Tess was clutching his arm tightly. Max moved rapidly towards them to help her. "You were working for [I]Nasedo?[/I]"
"I didn't know what else to do," Will admitted, his guilt clear in his voice. "I felt completely out of control. I've been raised to be in charge and, with you people, I'm just [I]not[/I]. I thought working with him for a while would give me time to line things up properly again. But everything went crazy. I never expected him to take Alex. And I didn't expect Kate to get hurt. I didn't expect anyone to get hurt."
"That is the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard!" Michael informed him, interrupting. "You hoped at least one of us would get hurt." He looked at Max. "If you're being honest, [I]be[/I] honest. You wanted Maxwell dead. That's what your real goal was. That's how you planned to be in charge again. Not only that, but you'd get Liz, too."
"I think the one thing I've learned from all of this," Will replied, his voice firmer, "is that Liz doesn't belong to anyone. But I still didn't want her to know what I'd done. And I'm going to have to live with the fact that, for one moment, I wished my sister would stay dead, so that Liz wouldn't find out the truth." He paused, as though searching for words. "I guess that's what I'm most scared of here. Of finding out that I was responsible for everything bad that happened back then. That I let my love for Rowena come before my planet. Just like I let my obsession with Liz come before my sister."
"God." This came from Isabel. Max looked at her. His sister seemed stunned. As he watched, though, strangely, it was as if a light went on inside Isabel. Max met his sister's eyes. And, abruptly, she was speaking to him - privately, in his head.
[I]I can't believe he actually felt that way, Max. Even if for only a second.[/I]
[I]Obsession is a scary thing, Iz.[/I]
[I]I would [/I]never[I] think that you'd be better off dead. Never.[/I]
[I]I know, Isabel.[/I]
[I]Don't you get it, Max?[/I] Isabel demanded. [I]I'm free! I won't betray you again.[/I]
[I]Isabel, I never doubted that.[/I]
She smiled at him. [I] I know, Max. But I did. I just can't [/I]believe[I] he even thought that.[/I]
Max wondered why he didn't feel as shocked by Will's revelation. Maybe it was because he'd been having some of the same types of fears - that he really had been a horrible person, that Zan had deserved to die. He was just glad that he hadn't made any choices in this life, so far, that would haunt him for the rest of his life. No matter how much he disliked Will, the fact that he understood how wrong his feelings about Kate had been meant that he could not be all bad. Max felt sorry for him.
He thought he finally understood why Liz had been so upset after talking to Will, too. Will had admitted to her that he hadn't always been completely above-board, that he [I]had[/I] been working against them. He had proven her certainty in him wrong. Her faith in him had been misplaced. She would feel that. Liz trusted with her heart, not with her head. The irony of this was that she considered herself to be thoughtful and intelligent, which she was. But it was her heart that was her true gift. Her hurt was almost certain. So, as far as Max felt bad for Will, he also felt angry.
Silence had fallen over the group again, as they all reflected on what Will's revelation meant. Finally, Tess, spoke, "Are you going to tell, Kate?"
"She'll know," Will replied, sounding pained. "When we bring her back, she'll become part of the connection, and she'll know."
"She'll understand," Tess reassured him. "She will. She has to."
"I don't think so," Will said. "And she shouldn't."
And, after that, there was nothing else to say. Max looked around at the others. He realized that they were all staring at him.
"What?"
"What do you mean, [I]what?[/I]" Isabel asked. "You're here too, Max. Give it up!"
"I swear, I can't think of a single thing," Max told them. "You know all my dirty secrets. I'm not particularly excited to see some of the things I did in my past life either," he continued, looking directly at Isabel. "You all know already that I've never really wanted to be the leader. You all know too that I love Liz more than anyone." He trailed off, the truth suddenly dawning on him.
There was only one deep, dark secret the people here did not know about him.
He knew exactly why he was here. He felt his heart start to thunder in his chest, was aware of all the blood draining out of his face. He knew that there was no way he could [I]ever[/I] tell them this. Tess and Will would understand, maybe, (and he didn't particularly care about Will's opinion anyway) but Michael and Isabel.They would be so hurt. He could not do it.
The only person who knew this truth about him was Liz, and they had never even discussed it. But he knew she knew. He had [I]seen[/I] it in their connection. In fact, he had once even told her, although not directly, but he had implied it. He didn't remember it, seeing as he had been drunk at the time.
"Max, what?" Isabel's voice was gentle. He felt his sister take his hand.
"Iz." He cleared his throat. "I."
"Maxwell, just tell us," Michael snapped. Max almost smiled. He couldn't help it. Michael was trying to make him angry, in his typical manner, was trying to get him to spill it that way.
And, so, he would. They wouldn't forgive him, but they would find out soon enough anyway. They deserved to know.
"I don't regret healing Liz," he told them.
He watched Isabel's face anxiously, but she just stared at him, as though she was waiting for more.
"And?" Michael prompted. "This we know, Max."
"No, you don't get it," Max said. "I don't regret putting your lives in danger. I never did, even though I told you I was sorry about it. I wasn't sorry. Not a bit. I would do it again in a heartbeat. She is the most important person to me." He looked at Will. "You think you're bad? I'm ten times worse. If I had to choose any of you, ever, I would always choose her. If she asked me to run away with her, to leave all this behind, and to ignore all of it, I'd do it. Without even a second's thought. That's what I need to tell you."
There was a long pause. Max watched Isabel exchange a glance with Michael. And, then, to his amazement, she burst out laughing. "Are you kidding? Max, [I]that's[/I] your deep, dark secret? I mean, we know [I]that[/I]."
"What?" Max demanded.
"Max, c'mon. We know that you think you would do that, but we also know you wouldn't," Isabel insisted. "You would [I]never[/I] do that."
"Isabel, I think I know what I would do! I did it once before after all." He paused, frowning. "Well, not [I]before[/I] exactly. I would have. In the future. The world ended because I married Liz and made Tess leave town. That was [I]my[/] fault. And I would do it again in a second. Why do you think Future Me had to go to Liz? He knew I couldn't be trusted."
"Max, you didn't know that making that decision would result in the end of the world," Tess told him. "In fact, that wasn't [I]your[/I] fault. You've always told me how you feel. If I left then, that was my decision. You couldn't have stopped me."
"But he told Liz that we treated you badly."
"According to who?" Tess asked. "I have a feeling that what Future Max considered treating me badly wasn't that bad. I mean, I know how you've been with me all along. Kind and thoughtful, and always completely honest. It wasn't your fault if I couldn't deal with it."
"You know, you and Liz need to get over this martyr complex," Michael stated. "I think that's why you're really here, Maxwell. Actually, now that I think about it, Liz seems to know now that she can't always make every decision for all of us by herself. Or at least that's what this whole future fiasco has taught her. You don't know this though. You get to make some decisions that are only about you. And since everything you do is about Liz, it makes sense that you'd get it all mixed up."
"What?" Max demanded. They weren't taking him at all seriously. He was actually a little annoyed.
"Do you think that I think about how everything I do is going to affect you?" Michael asked.
"No, Michael," Isabel put in wryly. "I don't think any of us have ever been in danger of thinking that." Max stared at Tess when she giggled.
Michael just rolled his eyes and continued, "My point is that you think far too much, Maxwell."
"Thinking things through stopped us from killing Brody," Max reminded him.
"That's true," Michael conceded. "But thinking things through also sent that idiot future you back through the granolith to throw the entire blame for the end of the world on Liz's shoulders. I mean, like it was all your and her fault. Any of us could have stepped in and kept Tess with us. But none of us made the effort. That's pretty damn clear."
"Michael, what happened because of Future Me was a good thing," Max snapped. "If it hadn't, Tess would have left and Will, Kate and Jack never would have found us."
"Maybe," Michael shrugged. "All I know is that, it was a pretty stupid thing to think that only you and Liz were responsible." He glanced at Isabel, as though he knew she would agree with him. "Martyr complex." Isabel nodded, as though they had discussed this many times before.
Max stared at his sister. Was it true? Was that why he was really in here? To get over himself?
He remembered suddenly how he had decided a few hours before that he was going to return to Antar and fix everything. That it was [I]his[/I] responsibility, even if he didn't want it, and that he was going to do it. He hadn't even thought about asking the others what they thought. In fact, he realized now that he hadn't thought of asking because, in the grand scheme of things, he hadn't thought that what they wanted - or even they - were very important.
It was only now that he realized that a small part of him believed that he was the only one who [I]could[/I] do it. That having the rest of them there was incidental. How arrogant was that?
He hadn't been ready to completely connect with these people because he hadn't really thought, in his heart, that any of them were necessary. Well, maybe he had thought Liz was necessary, but more because of how important she was to him, then in her own right.
He did believe that part of his reasoning for not involving them was to protect them. He wasn't a complete ass. But he was pretty sure it wasn't a large enough part to make up for the rest of it.
But, in the end, this wasn't just about [I]him[/I]. It was about all eight of them. They were all important parts of the equation, none of them more consequential than any other.
And, as this thought passed through his mind, the entire world seemed to shift on its axis.
Max shook his head, trying to get his bearings. He felt a warmth run through his entire body, a warmth that had been missing since this connection had started. When he opened his eyes again, what he knew to be true was confirmed.
Liz was standing in front of him, smiling. "Hi!" She reached out and hugged him. "You did it!"
He held her tightly, glancing over her head at the others. Jack was there too, standing next to Will. He was looking around with something approximating amazement, as though he couldn't quite believe he was where he was.
"I guess so," Max replied, grinning, although he still felt the shame of his conceit running through his veins.
"What happened?" Liz asked.
"I'll tell you," Max said, "but later. Right now, we need to bring Kate back."
Liz nodded. "You're right." She smiled slightly. "I have a feeling that I'm about to find out anyway, if this works properly." She moved away from Max, passing Kate's still body. She crouched, touched her hand gently to the motionless brunette's forehead. "We're coming for you, Kate. Just hold on a little while longer."
No more words were necessary. Within seconds, they were all back in their spots on the wheel. Max could feel the tension running through them all, the mere presence of Liz and Jack among them seeming to heighten his connection to everyone else.
Max briefly met the eyes of every other member of the circle. Isabel, his sister. Michael, his brother. Tess, his friend. Jack, the unknown. Will, his, now strangely trusted, enemy. And, finally, Liz, his love.
Whether it was overbearing or not, in that instant, Max knew that they were all looking to him to take the lead. They were trusting him to know what to do.
And, for once, without even thinking about it, as Michael's earlier words ran through his mind - [I]Maxwell, you think too much[/I] - he did.
He closed his eyes, sending his focus out to the rest of the circle. Feeling his friends' energy surging through his veins, he felt more powerful than he ever had before.
This was right. This was what was meant to be. He was not the only important one, but he was the leader. Not because of what had happened before, not because of his destiny, but because they had chosen him.
[I]Let's do this.[/I]
"Okay!" Max yelled. Everyone was talking at once, the high pitch of hysteria becoming more pronounced with every passing second. "Everyone just [I]shut[/I] up! We need to think here!"
"What is there to think about?" Michael snapped. "We're trapped Maxwell! The only thing we need to do is get the hell out of here."
"And how are we supposed to do that without thinking about it?" Tess glared at him.
Michael appeared about to respond to her, but when it dawned on him that she was right, his mouth shut with a snap.
"Let's all just calm down," Max continued, nodding at Tess in thanks. "Liz isn't here. It's obviously screwing things up. We need to figure out [I]why[/I] she isn't here and deal with it."
"Isn't it obvious?" Isabel demanded. "She can't be depended on. I so [I]knew[/I] this was going to happen!"
"Isabel, what are you talking about?" Tess rounded on her. "For God's sake, we all know that Liz is the only one who can be depended on all the time. The things she's done for us." She raised her hand, her fingers spread. "Do I need to list them? Because I will." She dropped one finger. "For starters, she walked away from Max when she thought that was the best thing for [I]all[/I] of us."
"Okay," Isabel interrupted, sounding embarrassed. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just upset. I know this isn't Liz's fault. What I don't get is why she isn't here. What did we do wrong?"
"We didn't do anything wrong," Michael argued. "We're here, aren't we? I say we get on with it and try to heal her."
"Michael, that's what we were trying to do," Tess reminded him. "It didn't work. We need Liz here. Obviously."
"I don't think it's obvious at all." Will spoke up here, making Max grimace slightly. He glanced at his nemesis, who had been listening quietly as they all argued. It dawned on Max for the first time that Will was technically the only "new" alien who had made it into the connection. Kate was there in body, but was quite obviously nowhere to be found in spirit.
"What do you mean?" Tess demanded.
"I think there's a reason Liz [I]isn't[/I] here," Will replied. "It's the only thing that makes sense. She's already made a connection to both Max and me. She should be here. Which means that there's a reason she's not."
Max exchanged a glance with Isabel, who was frowning. He could almost see the wheels turning in his sister's head. He didn't know what to make of what Will had said, but could see that Isabel was taking it seriously. "Did anyone else think it was weird that Whittaker decided that Jack shouldn't be a part of the connection?" she finally asked abruptly. "I mean, he was right when he argued that he should be here. He has the strongest connection to Kate. He [I]should[/I] be here. I know that if anyone could call [I]me[/I] back from somewhere, it would be Michael." She looked at Max, then continued carefully, as though she was afraid that she was going to somehow hurt [I]him[/I] by what she was saying, "We've always known that there was a special bond between Michael and me. It wasn't until Tess came that we understood it, but we've always [I]felt[/I] it."
Max nodded slowly, recognizing what his sister was getting at. Michael and he had always been close, but more out of proximity and necessity, rather than understanding. He loved his friend like a brother, but he didn't always understand him. Not like Isabel always had. It wasn't a bond like the one he shared with Liz - he knew that Michael and Isabel weren't in love - but there was certainly something there beyond his own connection to Michael.
Which made him agree with his sister. It was extremely odd that Jack had been left out of this connection. Max didn't know Kate or Jack very well, but it was obvious that they were very close.
"Are you saying that he was left out to screw things up?" Michael demanded. "That Whittaker can't be trusted?"
"Did anyone [I]really[/I] trust her anyway?" Isabel countered.
"I did," Tess stated. "I mean, in a way, she's [I]me[/I]."
Max looked at Will. He shrugged. "She has pretty much spent her entire life lying. I don't know [I]what[/I] to think."
"So, you're planning to reject her, too," Tess said, sounding disdainful. "Just like you did last time?"
"She's not [I]my[/I] Serena," Will snapped. "Not to mention, it wasn't Khivar's fault. Serena [I]lied[/I] to him. He loved Rowena."
"That's ridiculous," Tess exclaimed. "He was married to Serena. No matter how good an actress Serena might have been, he had to love her at least a bit. Not if their marriage was as happy as you both seem to remember. She couldn't be Rowena completely - ever."
"She was her clone," Will argued. "Close enough."
"Please," Tess retorted. "That's like saying we're all exactly the same as we were back then. We know already that's not true."
"You're not even really Serena!" Will yelled. "You're some weird half and half freak show!"
"Whoa!" Max exclaimed. "Enough!" He scowled at Will. "You can't talk to Tess like that."
Tess didn't seem upset, or at least not in the way Max would have expected having been attacked in such a fashion. She wasn't on the verge of tears. Instead, she was crimson with fury. Max had never seen her so angry. Tess had always been as cool as a cucumber, at least in his dealings with her. She had been emotional with Liz, but never had she been as furious as she was presently. He could practically see steam coming out of her ears.
"Need I remind you that we're all half and half freak shows?" Isabel added, sounding a little amused, if Max was not mistaken.
"What's so funny?" Tess demanded, glaring at Max's sister.
"You are, Tess," Isabel told her. "You let him get to you. I've never seen [I]anyone[/I] get to you." She paused, then added impishly, "Well, except maybe Kyle."
Tess turned her head away, obviously deciding that there was no possible come-back to that.
"We're getting off track here," Max said firmly. "The question on the table is, do we trust Whittaker or not?"
"What does it matter?" Will asked, obviously struggling to control his tone, so that he was no longer confrontational. "It doesn't matter if we trust her. We don't even trust each other."
"That's not true," Max replied mildly. "I trust everyone here."
"Of course you do," Will said, sounding sarcastic. "Just like I do."
Max clenched his jaw, determined that this irritating son of a bitch was not going to get to [I]him.[/I] "Why would I lie?"
"Oh, you wouldn't," Will replied, obviously even more irritated. "Not the perfect Zan. So perfect he stole my wife."
"She was never your wife!" Tess yelled, so surprising everyone, even herself, that the silence that followed was almost eerie. "You [I]need[/I] to get over it," she eventually continued, almost kindly. "I know it's hard." She glanced at Max. He felt his face heating up. He realized she was referring to the fact that she still had some feelings for him, in spite of everything they had learned. "But it just wasn't true."
"I know it," Will said, his voice cracking a little. Max watched in amazement as Tess moved forward slightly, then stopped. It was as if she wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but didn't feel entirely right doing so. "It doesn't make it any easier to accept."
There was another long moment of silence, and then Isabel spoke up tentatively. "I. I wonder if that's what [I]this[/I] is all about." She waved her hand in the air, indicating the fact that they were trapped in the granolith. "That we're all stuck here until we accept that we might not like what we're going to learn about ourselves in here."
"That still doesn't explain why Jack and Liz aren't here," Michael reminded her.
"Maybe they're ready," Isabel shrugged. "Maybe [I]we're[/I] not."
"But we're the ones who've always known we're aliens!" Michael exclaimed. "It doesn't make sense that [I]we're[/I] having trouble with this!"
"Jack's always known too," Will reminded him. "But he's always been the one who rolls the easiest with the punches. Jondar was killed in our last lives, but he wasn't a major player in the war." He paused, then added, "I've always sort of suspected that it was why he wasn't as desperate for revenge as Kate and me. He just doesn't feel the same anger about it all."
"Liz doesn't have the same baggage the rest of us do either," Max said pensively. "She's actually accepted this all pretty well. I think Isabel's right. We're here to learn something. Something we haven't allowed ourselves to learn."
"What can we possibly learn that could be anywhere worse than what we already know?" Tess asked, sounding tired. "I don't think I can take much more of this."
"I think we all sort of feel that way," Max told her, knowing that he sounded wry. He couldn't help it. It had been the most hellish week of his life, and he was even including the time he had spent in the White Room. At least then there had been no grey area. There had been good and there had been evil, and he had known he was on the right side.
"I'm ready," Michael insisted. "I know I am."
"But are you really, Michael?" Isabel asked. "I mean, it's going to change everything. What if you go in there, come out with your memories, and then suddenly you're in love with [I]me[/I] again? Doesn't that scare you even a little bit? What about Maria?"
Michael stared at her. "I won't be." Max heard the slight tremor in his best friend's voice though, as if Isabel's words were somehow hitting the mark.
"But what if it happens?" Isabel pressed. "It's happened before, Michael. Back when we thought I was pregnant with your baby. You totally flipped out and became someone completely different. I don't think you [I]are[/I] ready for this." She moved forward, took his hand. "I think you're scared, even if you won't admit it. You're scared that you're going to hurt Maria again, without even meaning to."
Max shook his head in amazement. As usual, Isabel had understood Michael better than he had. If they were all in here for a reason, he had been pretty sure that Michael was the only one of them who had gotten there quite by accident. Rath had no difficult history with anyone, after all. He had been the most loyal and trusted of friends - then and now.
And, yet, now he worried about how loyal being here was to the one person he loved more than anyone.
"Maybe," Michael finally muttered gruffly. "I don't see what standing around here is going to do about it though. I can't change how I feel."
"I think just acknowledging it is going to change things," Isabel replied. She looked at Tess. "What about you?"
"What about me?" Tess asked, taking a step back.
"What are you worried about?" Isabel asked.
"I'm not worried about anything," Tess insisted. "I [I]like[/I] what I know about who I was. I want to be Serena."
Isabel just stared at her. Max looked at Will, whose arms were crossed. He had a strange expression on his face, one Max couldn't quite identify, but he was, without a doubt, waiting for Tess's response.
Tess's shoulders sagged suddenly under the weight of Isabel's regard. "You're really annoying, you know that?" she muttered.
"Don't be annoyed," Isabel told her firmly. "Just be honest."
"Honest like I was before?" Tess demanded. She looked at Will, then away. She continued though, almost blurting it out. "Why do you think what he said pissed me off so much? He was right! I was, am, and always will be a complete liar. My entire gift is a lie for God's sake! Serena deserved everything she got!"
"What did she get, Tess?" Max asked gently, his heart going out to her. He couldn't help it. Even though he had once been the victim of her lies, there was no question now that everything she had been before had been completely engineered by Nasedo. She had been raised in lies, had continued the lying, but, now, she feared that she could never escape it.
"She got rejected," Tess replied tearfully. "The one person she wanted didn't want her. Just like none of you wanted [I]me[/I]."
Max was about to move to comfort her, but surprisingly Michael beat him to it. "Of course we want you, Tess," he insisted, his arm going around her slender shoulders. She seemed impossibly small and vulnerable next to Michael's large frame. "We just want the real you. We've always been ready to accept her."
"But I don't even know who the real me is!" Tess wailed, burying her face against Michael's chest.
"What? And you think any of us do?" Michael demanded. "Why do you think we're here?"
"I know why [I]I'm[/I] here," Isabel admitted. "It's because I don't quite believe that Vilandra was as innocent as everyone seems to think. Whether she was fooled by that shapeshifter or not, she knew that loving Khivar was wrong. She was betraying her brother and her entire planet."
"Isabel, you don't know how it was," Max reminded her. "You can't make judgments like that before knowing for sure."
"Maybe not," Isabel replied. "But I already have. And I think that's why I'm here. Because I'm going to misinterpret anything I see. I know I am." She shrugged. "And figuring this out isn't going to help much, because it's not going to change how I feel, just because I know that's what I'm going to do."
"But somehow [I]me[/I] knowing what I'm worried about does change things?" Michael demanded. "That makes no sense, Isabel."
Isabel started, then stared at him. She eventually smiled slightly. "Point taken."
Michael nodded his head in satisfaction. He looked at Will, "So, what's your guilty secret? What are you afraid of?"
"You know mine," Will muttered.
"What? That you're going to find out your precious Rowena never loved you?" Michael demanded. "I don't buy that. You know it already. No, it's something else."
"Why do I have to tell you?" Will snapped. "Isn't it enough that [I]I[/I] know?"
"I don't think so," Isabel told him gently. "I think the whole point of this is to make us trust each other. In every way. You need to tell us."
There was a long pause, as Will seemed to mull this over. "This doesn't really seem fair," he finally told them. "I mean, you've all known each other for years. Why do I have to bare my soul to complete strangers?"
"We won't be complete strangers after the connection," Isabel reminded him. "I think that Whittaker or the granolith, or whatever, is giving us the chance to come clean before we all know anyway."
"So, what about Liz and Jack?" Michael asked. "Don't they need to know this stuff?"
"I have the feeling that those two will accept anything we show them," Isabel answered. "We're the judgmental ones. They'll still like us anyway. But, this group here, if we see something we don't like, we may pull out."
"How do you know all this, Isabel?" Tess asked, sounding dumbfounded.
"I just know [I]me[/I]," Isabel replied. "I'm not too jazzed to be about to find out exactly what you all think of me. I'm also not very happy that you're about to know what I think of all of you. It just seems logical that the granolith is trying to prepare the chickens among us in advance."
"I wished my sister dead," Will blurted, startling Max. He had been focused on Isabel, as had the others, and they all whipped around to stare at the dark-haired guy.
"What?" Michael demanded.
"Well, not really," Will amended. "But." He paused, then continued in a rush, "I told Liz this earlier. I was working with Nasedo. Kate figured it out. Because of that, for one, brief, moment, I never wanted her to wake up."
"[I]What![/I]" Michael bellowed. He looked about ready to leap at Will, but Tess was clutching his arm tightly. Max moved rapidly towards them to help her. "You were working for [I]Nasedo?[/I]"
"I didn't know what else to do," Will admitted, his guilt clear in his voice. "I felt completely out of control. I've been raised to be in charge and, with you people, I'm just [I]not[/I]. I thought working with him for a while would give me time to line things up properly again. But everything went crazy. I never expected him to take Alex. And I didn't expect Kate to get hurt. I didn't expect anyone to get hurt."
"That is the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard!" Michael informed him, interrupting. "You hoped at least one of us would get hurt." He looked at Max. "If you're being honest, [I]be[/I] honest. You wanted Maxwell dead. That's what your real goal was. That's how you planned to be in charge again. Not only that, but you'd get Liz, too."
"I think the one thing I've learned from all of this," Will replied, his voice firmer, "is that Liz doesn't belong to anyone. But I still didn't want her to know what I'd done. And I'm going to have to live with the fact that, for one moment, I wished my sister would stay dead, so that Liz wouldn't find out the truth." He paused, as though searching for words. "I guess that's what I'm most scared of here. Of finding out that I was responsible for everything bad that happened back then. That I let my love for Rowena come before my planet. Just like I let my obsession with Liz come before my sister."
"God." This came from Isabel. Max looked at her. His sister seemed stunned. As he watched, though, strangely, it was as if a light went on inside Isabel. Max met his sister's eyes. And, abruptly, she was speaking to him - privately, in his head.
[I]I can't believe he actually felt that way, Max. Even if for only a second.[/I]
[I]Obsession is a scary thing, Iz.[/I]
[I]I would [/I]never[I] think that you'd be better off dead. Never.[/I]
[I]I know, Isabel.[/I]
[I]Don't you get it, Max?[/I] Isabel demanded. [I]I'm free! I won't betray you again.[/I]
[I]Isabel, I never doubted that.[/I]
She smiled at him. [I] I know, Max. But I did. I just can't [/I]believe[I] he even thought that.[/I]
Max wondered why he didn't feel as shocked by Will's revelation. Maybe it was because he'd been having some of the same types of fears - that he really had been a horrible person, that Zan had deserved to die. He was just glad that he hadn't made any choices in this life, so far, that would haunt him for the rest of his life. No matter how much he disliked Will, the fact that he understood how wrong his feelings about Kate had been meant that he could not be all bad. Max felt sorry for him.
He thought he finally understood why Liz had been so upset after talking to Will, too. Will had admitted to her that he hadn't always been completely above-board, that he [I]had[/I] been working against them. He had proven her certainty in him wrong. Her faith in him had been misplaced. She would feel that. Liz trusted with her heart, not with her head. The irony of this was that she considered herself to be thoughtful and intelligent, which she was. But it was her heart that was her true gift. Her hurt was almost certain. So, as far as Max felt bad for Will, he also felt angry.
Silence had fallen over the group again, as they all reflected on what Will's revelation meant. Finally, Tess, spoke, "Are you going to tell, Kate?"
"She'll know," Will replied, sounding pained. "When we bring her back, she'll become part of the connection, and she'll know."
"She'll understand," Tess reassured him. "She will. She has to."
"I don't think so," Will said. "And she shouldn't."
And, after that, there was nothing else to say. Max looked around at the others. He realized that they were all staring at him.
"What?"
"What do you mean, [I]what?[/I]" Isabel asked. "You're here too, Max. Give it up!"
"I swear, I can't think of a single thing," Max told them. "You know all my dirty secrets. I'm not particularly excited to see some of the things I did in my past life either," he continued, looking directly at Isabel. "You all know already that I've never really wanted to be the leader. You all know too that I love Liz more than anyone." He trailed off, the truth suddenly dawning on him.
There was only one deep, dark secret the people here did not know about him.
He knew exactly why he was here. He felt his heart start to thunder in his chest, was aware of all the blood draining out of his face. He knew that there was no way he could [I]ever[/I] tell them this. Tess and Will would understand, maybe, (and he didn't particularly care about Will's opinion anyway) but Michael and Isabel.They would be so hurt. He could not do it.
The only person who knew this truth about him was Liz, and they had never even discussed it. But he knew she knew. He had [I]seen[/I] it in their connection. In fact, he had once even told her, although not directly, but he had implied it. He didn't remember it, seeing as he had been drunk at the time.
"Max, what?" Isabel's voice was gentle. He felt his sister take his hand.
"Iz." He cleared his throat. "I."
"Maxwell, just tell us," Michael snapped. Max almost smiled. He couldn't help it. Michael was trying to make him angry, in his typical manner, was trying to get him to spill it that way.
And, so, he would. They wouldn't forgive him, but they would find out soon enough anyway. They deserved to know.
"I don't regret healing Liz," he told them.
He watched Isabel's face anxiously, but she just stared at him, as though she was waiting for more.
"And?" Michael prompted. "This we know, Max."
"No, you don't get it," Max said. "I don't regret putting your lives in danger. I never did, even though I told you I was sorry about it. I wasn't sorry. Not a bit. I would do it again in a heartbeat. She is the most important person to me." He looked at Will. "You think you're bad? I'm ten times worse. If I had to choose any of you, ever, I would always choose her. If she asked me to run away with her, to leave all this behind, and to ignore all of it, I'd do it. Without even a second's thought. That's what I need to tell you."
There was a long pause. Max watched Isabel exchange a glance with Michael. And, then, to his amazement, she burst out laughing. "Are you kidding? Max, [I]that's[/I] your deep, dark secret? I mean, we know [I]that[/I]."
"What?" Max demanded.
"Max, c'mon. We know that you think you would do that, but we also know you wouldn't," Isabel insisted. "You would [I]never[/I] do that."
"Isabel, I think I know what I would do! I did it once before after all." He paused, frowning. "Well, not [I]before[/I] exactly. I would have. In the future. The world ended because I married Liz and made Tess leave town. That was [I]my[/] fault. And I would do it again in a second. Why do you think Future Me had to go to Liz? He knew I couldn't be trusted."
"Max, you didn't know that making that decision would result in the end of the world," Tess told him. "In fact, that wasn't [I]your[/I] fault. You've always told me how you feel. If I left then, that was my decision. You couldn't have stopped me."
"But he told Liz that we treated you badly."
"According to who?" Tess asked. "I have a feeling that what Future Max considered treating me badly wasn't that bad. I mean, I know how you've been with me all along. Kind and thoughtful, and always completely honest. It wasn't your fault if I couldn't deal with it."
"You know, you and Liz need to get over this martyr complex," Michael stated. "I think that's why you're really here, Maxwell. Actually, now that I think about it, Liz seems to know now that she can't always make every decision for all of us by herself. Or at least that's what this whole future fiasco has taught her. You don't know this though. You get to make some decisions that are only about you. And since everything you do is about Liz, it makes sense that you'd get it all mixed up."
"What?" Max demanded. They weren't taking him at all seriously. He was actually a little annoyed.
"Do you think that I think about how everything I do is going to affect you?" Michael asked.
"No, Michael," Isabel put in wryly. "I don't think any of us have ever been in danger of thinking that." Max stared at Tess when she giggled.
Michael just rolled his eyes and continued, "My point is that you think far too much, Maxwell."
"Thinking things through stopped us from killing Brody," Max reminded him.
"That's true," Michael conceded. "But thinking things through also sent that idiot future you back through the granolith to throw the entire blame for the end of the world on Liz's shoulders. I mean, like it was all your and her fault. Any of us could have stepped in and kept Tess with us. But none of us made the effort. That's pretty damn clear."
"Michael, what happened because of Future Me was a good thing," Max snapped. "If it hadn't, Tess would have left and Will, Kate and Jack never would have found us."
"Maybe," Michael shrugged. "All I know is that, it was a pretty stupid thing to think that only you and Liz were responsible." He glanced at Isabel, as though he knew she would agree with him. "Martyr complex." Isabel nodded, as though they had discussed this many times before.
Max stared at his sister. Was it true? Was that why he was really in here? To get over himself?
He remembered suddenly how he had decided a few hours before that he was going to return to Antar and fix everything. That it was [I]his[/I] responsibility, even if he didn't want it, and that he was going to do it. He hadn't even thought about asking the others what they thought. In fact, he realized now that he hadn't thought of asking because, in the grand scheme of things, he hadn't thought that what they wanted - or even they - were very important.
It was only now that he realized that a small part of him believed that he was the only one who [I]could[/I] do it. That having the rest of them there was incidental. How arrogant was that?
He hadn't been ready to completely connect with these people because he hadn't really thought, in his heart, that any of them were necessary. Well, maybe he had thought Liz was necessary, but more because of how important she was to him, then in her own right.
He did believe that part of his reasoning for not involving them was to protect them. He wasn't a complete ass. But he was pretty sure it wasn't a large enough part to make up for the rest of it.
But, in the end, this wasn't just about [I]him[/I]. It was about all eight of them. They were all important parts of the equation, none of them more consequential than any other.
And, as this thought passed through his mind, the entire world seemed to shift on its axis.
Max shook his head, trying to get his bearings. He felt a warmth run through his entire body, a warmth that had been missing since this connection had started. When he opened his eyes again, what he knew to be true was confirmed.
Liz was standing in front of him, smiling. "Hi!" She reached out and hugged him. "You did it!"
He held her tightly, glancing over her head at the others. Jack was there too, standing next to Will. He was looking around with something approximating amazement, as though he couldn't quite believe he was where he was.
"I guess so," Max replied, grinning, although he still felt the shame of his conceit running through his veins.
"What happened?" Liz asked.
"I'll tell you," Max said, "but later. Right now, we need to bring Kate back."
Liz nodded. "You're right." She smiled slightly. "I have a feeling that I'm about to find out anyway, if this works properly." She moved away from Max, passing Kate's still body. She crouched, touched her hand gently to the motionless brunette's forehead. "We're coming for you, Kate. Just hold on a little while longer."
No more words were necessary. Within seconds, they were all back in their spots on the wheel. Max could feel the tension running through them all, the mere presence of Liz and Jack among them seeming to heighten his connection to everyone else.
Max briefly met the eyes of every other member of the circle. Isabel, his sister. Michael, his brother. Tess, his friend. Jack, the unknown. Will, his, now strangely trusted, enemy. And, finally, Liz, his love.
Whether it was overbearing or not, in that instant, Max knew that they were all looking to him to take the lead. They were trusting him to know what to do.
And, for once, without even thinking about it, as Michael's earlier words ran through his mind - [I]Maxwell, you think too much[/I] - he did.
He closed his eyes, sending his focus out to the rest of the circle. Feeling his friends' energy surging through his veins, he felt more powerful than he ever had before.
This was right. This was what was meant to be. He was not the only important one, but he was the leader. Not because of what had happened before, not because of his destiny, but because they had chosen him.
[I]Let's do this.[/I]