Part 47
She would always remember that the first thing she felt when she returned was the chill. She never again forgot how cold living could be.
The experience of being brought back was strange in, and of, itself. It was like being pulled back through a long tunnel, wrenched from warmth and security, into a world not of her choosing. She had not been traditionally born in this lifetime but, afterward, she knew what it must be like for a new baby, hauled from its mother's womb, in some ways, against its will.
But, whether she willed it or not, she heard them calling for her, recognized that she was needed, and she went.
When she opened her eyes, for several long moments, she had no idea who she was, or where she had come from. She felt the terror of it deep in her belly. She gasped slightly, struggling to sit up.
Where am I?
Her second memory of returning was of how quickly everything could change. Because, while she always remembered it, the seconds when she felt the cold, the confusion, and the fear, were quickly replaced. She felt someone touching her, helping her to sit up. Heat flooded her body, as her eyes scanned the anxious faces gathered around her.
Biting her lip, she knew that they were familiar, but her thoughts were in turmoil. It was too much. She focused instead on the warmth, on the strong arms holding her.
She looked up and recognized him immediately. She smiled. She had heard him calling her. Not as the others had, with their voices, but she had heard him calling her with his heart.
She had come back for him. She knew this to be true.
And, yet, she was unsure. She lifted a trembling hand to touch his face. "Alex." She meant it as a question, but it came out as a certainty. Her heart knew, after all.
He was starting down at her, as though not quite believing she had spoken. His dark eyes were a little watery, but he smiled. "Kate."
Kate. I am Kate.
She remembered everything after that. It all came flooding back, forcing her eyes closed again. His had been the last face she'd seen before the dark had come, and now it was the first she knew back in the light.
Because there was light here. There had been warmth, and security, and happiness, and freedom there, once she had gone through the darkness. But they were here, too. Just different.
He was here.
Kate heard movement somewhere beyond him, but she could not take her eyes from Alex's face. His head was lowering towards her, and in the next moment, he was pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Welcome back," he whispered.
They sat there for what must have been a long time, but it did not seem that way to Kate. Finally, it was clear that the others could not wait.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I just need to check her over to make sure she's okay."
She recognized the voice, knew it as one that had called her back. She looked past Alex, saw him watching her with his gentle eyes.
Zan.
His name, coming to her as it did, made her think of them all. Zan. Rowena. Vilandra. Rath. Serena. Jondar. And Khivar. They had all been there. They had all worked together to bring her back.
She started to laugh. She couldn't help it. They had all worked together. It was a miracle!
Kate could see that Alex was looking down at her with concern. He helped her to sit up more completely.
"I want to stand," she told him quietly.
He opened his mouth to protest, but, after a pause, said mildly, "Lean on me, if you need to."
"I'm okay," Kate addressed Zan. "But, thanks."
"Katie, let him look at you."
Turning her head, Kate regarded her brother, feeling something close to amazement. Did he really just ask her cooperate with Zan? Will was standing stiffly, his arms folded across his chest. She frowned. Why did he look like he was waiting for the other shoe to.
It did not take long for her to remember why Will was so tense. The anger of the moment when she had realized that Will had betrayed them ran through her, as though it had been mere moments before. Of course, she had no idea how long it was since.what had happened to her, so perhaps it had been.
She looked briefly at Alex. "How long have I been gone?"
"About three hours," Alex told her gently, as though the news might upset her.
Three hours. It felt like three years. She could sense how completely everything had changed between them all. Will was upset, yes, but his was the only unease in the room. Everyone else was comfortable, focused on her, but not wary of each other.
They had all forgiven her brother for what he had done. She knew it. His guilt was still there, but none of the rest of them wanted him to feel it.
Kate glanced at Liz, who was staring at her, her brown eyes wary. "Kate, do you need to be alone?" She looked at Will meaningfully. "Or sort of alone? We can leave."
"No," Kate said quickly. "This needs to be said in front of everyone." She paused, smiled slightly. "No more secrets, am I right?" It was something she remembered from the connection, something that had greeted her upon her return. Trust bound them all to each other now.
"No more secrets," Liz agreed.
"Kate, please let Max look at you," Will pleaded.
Kate tilted her head, examined her brother. "Why? I'm fine. You've all made sure of that."
"Kate, you were dead," Will replied. "We need to know that you're really okay."
"I'm fine, Will," she repeated. She took a careful step forward, was relieved when her legs held her up. With every movement, she was regaining her strength. She was glad that Alex kept a firm hold on her elbow though, helping her. Moments later, she stood in front of her brother, reached up and took his face between her hands. "Khivar, listen to me." She realized too late that she had called him by his other name. She never called him Khivar. It had been a secret for so long, it had always seemed unnatural. But now, after the connection, she was thinking of them all by their real names.
She wondered if it made them uncomfortable. She thought about what she would feel if she was called "Karana." If, finally, now that all the hiding was behind them, she would accept the name again. Kate glanced briefly at Alex, frowned. She couldn't even imagine hearing a name other than "Kate" on his lips.
But she was getting distracted from her purpose. Will was pulling away from her. "I'm not going to let it be this easy. Kate, I'm not going to let you forgive me."
She was forced to smile at that. "It's not your choice, brother. Khivar, in my heart, you were forgiven before I even thought to do it. It is important for us all to move on now."
She paused, frowning slightly, as she mentally examined her words. She had meant every one of them, but there was something wrong. Her speech patterns were off. She recognized that. She felt mildly uncomfortable in the skin to which she had been returned. She wondered what it meant.
Looking around, Kate found the shapeshifter watching her from a corner. He was standing apart from the group, not truly with them, but contemplative of the scene, as she was sure a protector was supposed to be. If the shapeshifters had ever really protected them, of course. Which they never had.
"Kate?" Alex's voice was low. He seemed to sense that something was amiss, apart from Will's inability to accept forgiveness, as the present shaking of her brother's dark head seemed to indicate.
"What happened to me in there?" Kate asked Grant. She knew that something was awry, that while she remembered being Kate, she didn't exactly feel like the person she had been before.
"I can't answer that," he told her, glancing to his right. "Maybe she can." Kate followed his gaze, found herself looking at someone she had never expected to see again.
"Venora?" Kate felt her brow wrinkle, as she tried to understand. "But you're supposed to be dead. Vilandra killed." She paused, grimaced, looking at Isabel. "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Isabel replied. Kate stared at the tall blonde for a long moment. She realized that she had been wrong before. Will was not the only one on edge. Isabel seemed pretty tense as well. Kate wondered at the brief insight she felt that it had nothing to do with the congresswoman, and everything to do with the fact that Alex was still holding her close. "It turns out that her name isn't Venora," Isabel continued. "She's really Rowena's sister, Serena."
Kate returned her gaze to the one she had grown up knowing as Venora. "I don't understand."
"Like the original Khivar didn't die, the original Serena didn't either," Max elaborated patiently. "She followed us here after we were sent because the shapeshifters were traitors. She was also the one who originally cloned us."
Kate looked at Tess. "So, you're her clone. And she was a clone of Rowena." She remembered being told the truth about Tess before.
Tess smiled slightly. "Something like that. Just toss in some human DNA and Ava of Knosis and you'll have it."
"What?" Kate shook her head, unsure if Tess was joking or not.
"Never mind," Venora said. "None of that matters. You'll learn it all in the granolith anyway. Kate, do you feel up to retrieving more memories with the others? It can be put off, but I think the rest of the group is fairly anxious to proceed. Isabel and Jack have been incomplete long enough."
"I really don't think this is a good." Alex started to say.
Kate squeezed his arm gently and he stopped talking. "More memories?"
"You feel different," Venora/Serena asked. "Don't you? I can tell. It's because you are much closer to who you were before than the others. After your ordeal, your essence was called back to your body with the healing stones. But you have been in contact with your purest self for several hours. It is only understandable that you feel a little strange. The memories will come eventually. They are there, merely waiting to be awoken by further connection with your four square."
"Are we all going to feel different?" Michael spoke up here. He was standing with Maria, his arm slung over her shoulders. He didn't sound very pleased at the prospect.
"I would expect so," Serena shrugged. "Don't tell me you're changing your mind? After what you all just accomplished by connecting with each other, I would have thought you'd be even more eager to pursue your true self." Kate could hear the envy in her tone, didn't understand it. "You will all achieve a bond that your past incarnations were never granted. It is going to be a good thing. It will more than make up for any differences you might endure."
"I don't want to be different," Michael snapped. He looked at Kate. "You don't [I]seem[/I] that different. You just talk kind of strangely. I mean, you obviously still remember who you were." He glanced at Alex, raised an eyebrow meaningfully. "You still have Kate's feelings." He said the last as though willing her to confirm it.
Kate met Alex's eyes, then lowered her gaze when her cheeks suddenly felt hot. They had never, not once, spoken of what this was between them. She certainly didn't want to start now, in front of all the others. Forgiving Will publicly was one thing. Discussing her feelings for Alex was something entirely different.
"Michael!" Liz exclaimed, sounding annoyed.
"What?" Michael demanded. "You were in that connection too, Liz. You know I'm not off-base here. What's the harm in her admitting it?"
"Michael, shut-up." This was Maria. Kate did not look up though. She could feel her heart pounding at about fifty times the usual speed.
"I still have my feelings," she finally confirmed softly. "None of that has changed." She refused to look at Alex directly. She hadn't confirmed anything, but she suspected they all understood what she meant.
"Then I'm in," Michael was saying to the group at large. "I say we get this over with."
"There's still a lot of stuff to discuss," Liz reminded him.
"Like what?" Michael demanded. "Everything will still be here when we get back, to discuss," he added sarcastically. "I'm tired of discussing. We need to know."
"God, Michael," Isabel sighed. "Is it possible for you to do anything without going from 0 to 100 miles an hour in ten seconds?"
"You're the one who needs your essence back, Isabel," Michael shot back. "It seems to me, the sooner we're all back to normal, the better for all of us."
"Is this really necessary?" Tess flared. "It's not our decision anyway!"
There was a long moment of silence. Finally, raising her eyes, Kate realized that everyone was now staring at Max, who momentarily seemed taken aback that they had all turned to him. He had been mostly quiet up to this point. Looking at him now, Kate understood that he had been watching her this whole time, judging for himself if she was all right. She had not given him permission to do it physically, but he had been trying to ascertain it from a distance.
Now, getting hold of himself, he smiled at her, his gentle smile, the one that stirred the sense of familiarity she had known in his presence since first seeing him in the flesh a couple of days before. "May I?"
Knowing that allowing it would settle the whole dispute once and for all, Kate nodded. She was fine, after all.
Max stepped forward, gently laid his hands on her shoulders. "Just take deep breaths, and let your mind blank out," he instructed.
Kate did as he asked, focusing on his amber eyes - the eyes that were exactly the same as they had always been, even if they now shone out of a human face.
The flashes, when they came, were reassuring. They were the same visions into his soul that he had shared the other time they'd made a connection, on Liz's balcony. His goodness was the first thing she encountered, as well as his desire to do the right thing, no matter the cost to himself. Finally, and most importantly, she felt the intensity of his love for all of them, but for Liz in particular. She remembered briefly when she had first encountered that truth - that Zan loved Rowena. It had changed everything, for all of them. Apparently in two lifetimes. And, yet, they still didn't know the whole story.
They needed to retrieve their memories. Once and for all, the reality of who they had been before, and what they had done, needed to be known. They could not move forward without exorcising the past.
Max knew this too. Kate understood that in the connection. But she also felt that he would not allow any of this to proceed if she was unready.
I can do it, she told him firmly, in her mind. Please. You know I can.
Kate blinked when Max stepped back abruptly, a slight smile on his face. "I know it," he told her. He then looked around at the rest of them. "She's okay. Physically, she's fine. I think doing this now will only strengthen her emotionally."
"But, Max, are you sure?" Isabel asked. "I mean, she died. How can she just be all right?"
"I can speak for myself," Kate reminded Isabel gently. "I really am okay, Isabel."
"She's even beginning to sound normal," Michael added, clearly trying not to show his impatience.
"Michael," Maria sighed, sounding frustrated. "Can you be any more insensitive?"
"Okay, then," Max said, obviously trying to head an argument off at the pass. "We'll try it in a few minutes. I need to talk to Serena first, make sure we know exactly what to expect. I'm sure the rest of you can find something with which to occupy yourselves." He looked directly at Kate while saying this. She stared at him. It abruptly dawned on her that Max didn't really need to talk to Serena at all, but that he was giving her a few minutes because he knew that she had something else to do before they connected with the granolith.
Glancing over her shoulder, Kate found Alex standing nearby, although he hadn't touched her again since Michael's embarrassing revelations. She looked around uncomfortably, realized that everyone else had somehow managed to migrate to the other side of the chamber, meaning that they were virtually alone. She met Isabel's eyes very briefly before turning back to Alex. The tall, blonde held her gaze steadily for a long moment, and then smiled at her. Kate felt almost as though a blessing had been bestowed upon her. A fleeting memory of Vilandra flitted through her mind, making her smile back.
"They're pretty obvious, huh?"
Kate took a deep breath, turned to face Alex. He was shaking his head, looking mildly embarrassed, but not so much so that he couldn't meet her eyes. "Kind of," she replied, biting her lip.
"I don't know what the expect us to do," he added. "I mean, it's not like this is the last time we're going to see each other or something." He swallowed visibly. "After what happened before.this is kind of weird." He looked down, stuffed his hands into his pockets.
Kate watched him silently, completely unsure what she was supposed to say in this situation. She had never even considered having feelings like this for anyone before. It was becoming pretty obvious that the feelings she had developed for Alex were not unreciprocated, and, yet, he seemed just as uncertain as she did.
"Maybe." She trailed off, blushing when Alex looked up eagerly. "Maybe we should just agree to talk about it when this is all over."
She felt her stomach clench when he frowned. "When it's all over?" he asked, not sounding pleased at all. "I don't think I can wait that long."
There was a long pause. Kate wondered what she had said wrong. How had she managed to blow it so completely so quickly?
Finally, she took a helpless step forward. Much to her relief, this seemed to reassure him, because his expression softened and he continued, "I have to be honest with you, Kate, I made that mistake once before. Waiting for it all to be over. I let someone I cared about go off in pursuit of her destiny without telling her how I really felt, and I lost her. I'm not taking that chance again. Especially not after losing you once already today." He took a step towards her, so that they were standing mere inches apart. "I don't care if I barely know you. I feel like I do, and that's all that's important. If I've learned anything today, it's that life is short. You deserve to know how I feel."
"How do you feel?" she whispered, breathless.
"I think you know," Alex replied, lowering his head. "But, if you don't, I'll show you."
When his lips finally touched hers, Kate felt like she had stopped breathing altogether. She tentatively lifted her hands, placing them on his chest. She could feel his heart thundering under her palms. She was amazed at it. She was the one making it race like that.
Finally, after what seemed like too short a time, Alex pulled back, so that his gaze met hers again. "I don't care what you find out in there," he told her firmly. "I'm not stepping aside. Kate, Karana, whoever you are, I want the chance to prove to you that being part of a group isn't your only destiny. You do get to have something for yourself, too. You have to remember that." The intensity of his expression warmed her to her very toes. "Please, remember it."
For the first time, Kate had an indication of how nervous he was about what she might find out when the granolith returned her memories. She had to somehow reassure him that nothing she learned could change how she felt about him.
Kate reached out and hugged him, hard. "I will," she whispered into his ear. She didn't know what else to say to him, hoped that it was enough.
With that, she moved away from him, and went to join the others, more eager than ever to get this over with. Because, now she knew exactly what was waiting for her when was done. She also knew how hard this was for Alex, and the last thing she wanted was for him to be worried for longer than necessary. She had already put him through enough.
She could see that Michael and Maria had also taken a moment alone, away from the group. The strawberry blonde was just pulling away from her boyfriend as Kate passed them on her way to her spot beneath the granolith's inverted cone.
"We're all going to leave the pod chamber until you're done," Serena was telling the others, as Kate slipped into the group. They were all there, listening.
Max and Liz were standing close to each other, but not touching. It was as if they were somehow acknowledging that, while this was a group endeavor, they were all going in as individuals too, just as Alex had reminded her. They all belonged here in their own right, and they would all be learning about their own pasts, and would have to deal with it all, in the end, alone.
Will had an unreadable expression on his face. Kate knew that he was deliberately masking his inner turmoil. Whatever he encountered in the granolith would forever end any hope he had that he and Liz were meant for each other. A dream would be dying for her brother. Jack was at his shoulder, though, backing him up, supporting him, as had always been her cousin's way. With their help, and with the strength he often forgot he possessed, Will would survive this.
Tess and Isabel were there, too, both clearly a little nervous, but more eager than anything. Michael was directly behind Kate, having followed her.
"The sheriff is taking the humans out," Serena continued. Kate turned around briefly, saw that it was true. Alex and the others were gone. She felt a flutter of nervousness in the pit of her stomach. This was really going to happen.
"Don't worry," Grant added. "I'll take care of them all."
Kate heard Michael snort behind her. "Great," he muttered. "That is so reassuring."
"What do we have to do exactly?" Max inquired. He was staring at the shining cone intently, a slight frown on his face.
"Just find your handprint," Serena told him. "The granolith recognizes you already. It is just waiting for you all to acknowledge it." She gestured around the shining cone. For the first time, Kate noticed that there were eight handprints ringing the granolith. She felt her heart start to beat more quickly when her eyes landed on one in particular. It did not look entirely [I]human[/I] and, yet, somehow, she knew that it belonged to her. "Touching your handprint will tell it you are ready to accept who you are," Serena continued. "The granolith will do the rest."
With that, she and Grant retreated up the silvery staircase, leaving the eight of them in silence.
When the quiet continued to stretch out, Kate realized that none of them had any intention of saying anything at all. She knew she didn't. Everything that had needed saying had been shared between them all in the connection they had made to bring her back. She had missed some of it, but had joined it long enough to understand that it was true.
They were never all going to be best friends. In fact, she knew for a certainty that some of them even still hated each other. But none of that mattered. Not here. Because, here, in the end, they were the same. Here, they trusted each other. Here, they would finally move forward in spite of their differences.
What was going to happen here today would be the beginning of the end of the conflict that divided their system. Because, in the end, trust was the first and most important step towards reconciliation.
Kate's heart lightened and she knew that she was no longer afraid. She took a step forward, so that she could reach the silver print she knew to be her own. Without anymore hesitation, she placed her hand squarely within it.
And, an instant later, she was no longer Kate at all.
To be continued.
She would always remember that the first thing she felt when she returned was the chill. She never again forgot how cold living could be.
The experience of being brought back was strange in, and of, itself. It was like being pulled back through a long tunnel, wrenched from warmth and security, into a world not of her choosing. She had not been traditionally born in this lifetime but, afterward, she knew what it must be like for a new baby, hauled from its mother's womb, in some ways, against its will.
But, whether she willed it or not, she heard them calling for her, recognized that she was needed, and she went.
When she opened her eyes, for several long moments, she had no idea who she was, or where she had come from. She felt the terror of it deep in her belly. She gasped slightly, struggling to sit up.
Where am I?
Her second memory of returning was of how quickly everything could change. Because, while she always remembered it, the seconds when she felt the cold, the confusion, and the fear, were quickly replaced. She felt someone touching her, helping her to sit up. Heat flooded her body, as her eyes scanned the anxious faces gathered around her.
Biting her lip, she knew that they were familiar, but her thoughts were in turmoil. It was too much. She focused instead on the warmth, on the strong arms holding her.
She looked up and recognized him immediately. She smiled. She had heard him calling her. Not as the others had, with their voices, but she had heard him calling her with his heart.
She had come back for him. She knew this to be true.
And, yet, she was unsure. She lifted a trembling hand to touch his face. "Alex." She meant it as a question, but it came out as a certainty. Her heart knew, after all.
He was starting down at her, as though not quite believing she had spoken. His dark eyes were a little watery, but he smiled. "Kate."
Kate. I am Kate.
She remembered everything after that. It all came flooding back, forcing her eyes closed again. His had been the last face she'd seen before the dark had come, and now it was the first she knew back in the light.
Because there was light here. There had been warmth, and security, and happiness, and freedom there, once she had gone through the darkness. But they were here, too. Just different.
He was here.
Kate heard movement somewhere beyond him, but she could not take her eyes from Alex's face. His head was lowering towards her, and in the next moment, he was pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Welcome back," he whispered.
They sat there for what must have been a long time, but it did not seem that way to Kate. Finally, it was clear that the others could not wait.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I just need to check her over to make sure she's okay."
She recognized the voice, knew it as one that had called her back. She looked past Alex, saw him watching her with his gentle eyes.
Zan.
His name, coming to her as it did, made her think of them all. Zan. Rowena. Vilandra. Rath. Serena. Jondar. And Khivar. They had all been there. They had all worked together to bring her back.
She started to laugh. She couldn't help it. They had all worked together. It was a miracle!
Kate could see that Alex was looking down at her with concern. He helped her to sit up more completely.
"I want to stand," she told him quietly.
He opened his mouth to protest, but, after a pause, said mildly, "Lean on me, if you need to."
"I'm okay," Kate addressed Zan. "But, thanks."
"Katie, let him look at you."
Turning her head, Kate regarded her brother, feeling something close to amazement. Did he really just ask her cooperate with Zan? Will was standing stiffly, his arms folded across his chest. She frowned. Why did he look like he was waiting for the other shoe to.
It did not take long for her to remember why Will was so tense. The anger of the moment when she had realized that Will had betrayed them ran through her, as though it had been mere moments before. Of course, she had no idea how long it was since.what had happened to her, so perhaps it had been.
She looked briefly at Alex. "How long have I been gone?"
"About three hours," Alex told her gently, as though the news might upset her.
Three hours. It felt like three years. She could sense how completely everything had changed between them all. Will was upset, yes, but his was the only unease in the room. Everyone else was comfortable, focused on her, but not wary of each other.
They had all forgiven her brother for what he had done. She knew it. His guilt was still there, but none of the rest of them wanted him to feel it.
Kate glanced at Liz, who was staring at her, her brown eyes wary. "Kate, do you need to be alone?" She looked at Will meaningfully. "Or sort of alone? We can leave."
"No," Kate said quickly. "This needs to be said in front of everyone." She paused, smiled slightly. "No more secrets, am I right?" It was something she remembered from the connection, something that had greeted her upon her return. Trust bound them all to each other now.
"No more secrets," Liz agreed.
"Kate, please let Max look at you," Will pleaded.
Kate tilted her head, examined her brother. "Why? I'm fine. You've all made sure of that."
"Kate, you were dead," Will replied. "We need to know that you're really okay."
"I'm fine, Will," she repeated. She took a careful step forward, was relieved when her legs held her up. With every movement, she was regaining her strength. She was glad that Alex kept a firm hold on her elbow though, helping her. Moments later, she stood in front of her brother, reached up and took his face between her hands. "Khivar, listen to me." She realized too late that she had called him by his other name. She never called him Khivar. It had been a secret for so long, it had always seemed unnatural. But now, after the connection, she was thinking of them all by their real names.
She wondered if it made them uncomfortable. She thought about what she would feel if she was called "Karana." If, finally, now that all the hiding was behind them, she would accept the name again. Kate glanced briefly at Alex, frowned. She couldn't even imagine hearing a name other than "Kate" on his lips.
But she was getting distracted from her purpose. Will was pulling away from her. "I'm not going to let it be this easy. Kate, I'm not going to let you forgive me."
She was forced to smile at that. "It's not your choice, brother. Khivar, in my heart, you were forgiven before I even thought to do it. It is important for us all to move on now."
She paused, frowning slightly, as she mentally examined her words. She had meant every one of them, but there was something wrong. Her speech patterns were off. She recognized that. She felt mildly uncomfortable in the skin to which she had been returned. She wondered what it meant.
Looking around, Kate found the shapeshifter watching her from a corner. He was standing apart from the group, not truly with them, but contemplative of the scene, as she was sure a protector was supposed to be. If the shapeshifters had ever really protected them, of course. Which they never had.
"Kate?" Alex's voice was low. He seemed to sense that something was amiss, apart from Will's inability to accept forgiveness, as the present shaking of her brother's dark head seemed to indicate.
"What happened to me in there?" Kate asked Grant. She knew that something was awry, that while she remembered being Kate, she didn't exactly feel like the person she had been before.
"I can't answer that," he told her, glancing to his right. "Maybe she can." Kate followed his gaze, found herself looking at someone she had never expected to see again.
"Venora?" Kate felt her brow wrinkle, as she tried to understand. "But you're supposed to be dead. Vilandra killed." She paused, grimaced, looking at Isabel. "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Isabel replied. Kate stared at the tall blonde for a long moment. She realized that she had been wrong before. Will was not the only one on edge. Isabel seemed pretty tense as well. Kate wondered at the brief insight she felt that it had nothing to do with the congresswoman, and everything to do with the fact that Alex was still holding her close. "It turns out that her name isn't Venora," Isabel continued. "She's really Rowena's sister, Serena."
Kate returned her gaze to the one she had grown up knowing as Venora. "I don't understand."
"Like the original Khivar didn't die, the original Serena didn't either," Max elaborated patiently. "She followed us here after we were sent because the shapeshifters were traitors. She was also the one who originally cloned us."
Kate looked at Tess. "So, you're her clone. And she was a clone of Rowena." She remembered being told the truth about Tess before.
Tess smiled slightly. "Something like that. Just toss in some human DNA and Ava of Knosis and you'll have it."
"What?" Kate shook her head, unsure if Tess was joking or not.
"Never mind," Venora said. "None of that matters. You'll learn it all in the granolith anyway. Kate, do you feel up to retrieving more memories with the others? It can be put off, but I think the rest of the group is fairly anxious to proceed. Isabel and Jack have been incomplete long enough."
"I really don't think this is a good." Alex started to say.
Kate squeezed his arm gently and he stopped talking. "More memories?"
"You feel different," Venora/Serena asked. "Don't you? I can tell. It's because you are much closer to who you were before than the others. After your ordeal, your essence was called back to your body with the healing stones. But you have been in contact with your purest self for several hours. It is only understandable that you feel a little strange. The memories will come eventually. They are there, merely waiting to be awoken by further connection with your four square."
"Are we all going to feel different?" Michael spoke up here. He was standing with Maria, his arm slung over her shoulders. He didn't sound very pleased at the prospect.
"I would expect so," Serena shrugged. "Don't tell me you're changing your mind? After what you all just accomplished by connecting with each other, I would have thought you'd be even more eager to pursue your true self." Kate could hear the envy in her tone, didn't understand it. "You will all achieve a bond that your past incarnations were never granted. It is going to be a good thing. It will more than make up for any differences you might endure."
"I don't want to be different," Michael snapped. He looked at Kate. "You don't [I]seem[/I] that different. You just talk kind of strangely. I mean, you obviously still remember who you were." He glanced at Alex, raised an eyebrow meaningfully. "You still have Kate's feelings." He said the last as though willing her to confirm it.
Kate met Alex's eyes, then lowered her gaze when her cheeks suddenly felt hot. They had never, not once, spoken of what this was between them. She certainly didn't want to start now, in front of all the others. Forgiving Will publicly was one thing. Discussing her feelings for Alex was something entirely different.
"Michael!" Liz exclaimed, sounding annoyed.
"What?" Michael demanded. "You were in that connection too, Liz. You know I'm not off-base here. What's the harm in her admitting it?"
"Michael, shut-up." This was Maria. Kate did not look up though. She could feel her heart pounding at about fifty times the usual speed.
"I still have my feelings," she finally confirmed softly. "None of that has changed." She refused to look at Alex directly. She hadn't confirmed anything, but she suspected they all understood what she meant.
"Then I'm in," Michael was saying to the group at large. "I say we get this over with."
"There's still a lot of stuff to discuss," Liz reminded him.
"Like what?" Michael demanded. "Everything will still be here when we get back, to discuss," he added sarcastically. "I'm tired of discussing. We need to know."
"God, Michael," Isabel sighed. "Is it possible for you to do anything without going from 0 to 100 miles an hour in ten seconds?"
"You're the one who needs your essence back, Isabel," Michael shot back. "It seems to me, the sooner we're all back to normal, the better for all of us."
"Is this really necessary?" Tess flared. "It's not our decision anyway!"
There was a long moment of silence. Finally, raising her eyes, Kate realized that everyone was now staring at Max, who momentarily seemed taken aback that they had all turned to him. He had been mostly quiet up to this point. Looking at him now, Kate understood that he had been watching her this whole time, judging for himself if she was all right. She had not given him permission to do it physically, but he had been trying to ascertain it from a distance.
Now, getting hold of himself, he smiled at her, his gentle smile, the one that stirred the sense of familiarity she had known in his presence since first seeing him in the flesh a couple of days before. "May I?"
Knowing that allowing it would settle the whole dispute once and for all, Kate nodded. She was fine, after all.
Max stepped forward, gently laid his hands on her shoulders. "Just take deep breaths, and let your mind blank out," he instructed.
Kate did as he asked, focusing on his amber eyes - the eyes that were exactly the same as they had always been, even if they now shone out of a human face.
The flashes, when they came, were reassuring. They were the same visions into his soul that he had shared the other time they'd made a connection, on Liz's balcony. His goodness was the first thing she encountered, as well as his desire to do the right thing, no matter the cost to himself. Finally, and most importantly, she felt the intensity of his love for all of them, but for Liz in particular. She remembered briefly when she had first encountered that truth - that Zan loved Rowena. It had changed everything, for all of them. Apparently in two lifetimes. And, yet, they still didn't know the whole story.
They needed to retrieve their memories. Once and for all, the reality of who they had been before, and what they had done, needed to be known. They could not move forward without exorcising the past.
Max knew this too. Kate understood that in the connection. But she also felt that he would not allow any of this to proceed if she was unready.
I can do it, she told him firmly, in her mind. Please. You know I can.
Kate blinked when Max stepped back abruptly, a slight smile on his face. "I know it," he told her. He then looked around at the rest of them. "She's okay. Physically, she's fine. I think doing this now will only strengthen her emotionally."
"But, Max, are you sure?" Isabel asked. "I mean, she died. How can she just be all right?"
"I can speak for myself," Kate reminded Isabel gently. "I really am okay, Isabel."
"She's even beginning to sound normal," Michael added, clearly trying not to show his impatience.
"Michael," Maria sighed, sounding frustrated. "Can you be any more insensitive?"
"Okay, then," Max said, obviously trying to head an argument off at the pass. "We'll try it in a few minutes. I need to talk to Serena first, make sure we know exactly what to expect. I'm sure the rest of you can find something with which to occupy yourselves." He looked directly at Kate while saying this. She stared at him. It abruptly dawned on her that Max didn't really need to talk to Serena at all, but that he was giving her a few minutes because he knew that she had something else to do before they connected with the granolith.
Glancing over her shoulder, Kate found Alex standing nearby, although he hadn't touched her again since Michael's embarrassing revelations. She looked around uncomfortably, realized that everyone else had somehow managed to migrate to the other side of the chamber, meaning that they were virtually alone. She met Isabel's eyes very briefly before turning back to Alex. The tall, blonde held her gaze steadily for a long moment, and then smiled at her. Kate felt almost as though a blessing had been bestowed upon her. A fleeting memory of Vilandra flitted through her mind, making her smile back.
"They're pretty obvious, huh?"
Kate took a deep breath, turned to face Alex. He was shaking his head, looking mildly embarrassed, but not so much so that he couldn't meet her eyes. "Kind of," she replied, biting her lip.
"I don't know what the expect us to do," he added. "I mean, it's not like this is the last time we're going to see each other or something." He swallowed visibly. "After what happened before.this is kind of weird." He looked down, stuffed his hands into his pockets.
Kate watched him silently, completely unsure what she was supposed to say in this situation. She had never even considered having feelings like this for anyone before. It was becoming pretty obvious that the feelings she had developed for Alex were not unreciprocated, and, yet, he seemed just as uncertain as she did.
"Maybe." She trailed off, blushing when Alex looked up eagerly. "Maybe we should just agree to talk about it when this is all over."
She felt her stomach clench when he frowned. "When it's all over?" he asked, not sounding pleased at all. "I don't think I can wait that long."
There was a long pause. Kate wondered what she had said wrong. How had she managed to blow it so completely so quickly?
Finally, she took a helpless step forward. Much to her relief, this seemed to reassure him, because his expression softened and he continued, "I have to be honest with you, Kate, I made that mistake once before. Waiting for it all to be over. I let someone I cared about go off in pursuit of her destiny without telling her how I really felt, and I lost her. I'm not taking that chance again. Especially not after losing you once already today." He took a step towards her, so that they were standing mere inches apart. "I don't care if I barely know you. I feel like I do, and that's all that's important. If I've learned anything today, it's that life is short. You deserve to know how I feel."
"How do you feel?" she whispered, breathless.
"I think you know," Alex replied, lowering his head. "But, if you don't, I'll show you."
When his lips finally touched hers, Kate felt like she had stopped breathing altogether. She tentatively lifted her hands, placing them on his chest. She could feel his heart thundering under her palms. She was amazed at it. She was the one making it race like that.
Finally, after what seemed like too short a time, Alex pulled back, so that his gaze met hers again. "I don't care what you find out in there," he told her firmly. "I'm not stepping aside. Kate, Karana, whoever you are, I want the chance to prove to you that being part of a group isn't your only destiny. You do get to have something for yourself, too. You have to remember that." The intensity of his expression warmed her to her very toes. "Please, remember it."
For the first time, Kate had an indication of how nervous he was about what she might find out when the granolith returned her memories. She had to somehow reassure him that nothing she learned could change how she felt about him.
Kate reached out and hugged him, hard. "I will," she whispered into his ear. She didn't know what else to say to him, hoped that it was enough.
With that, she moved away from him, and went to join the others, more eager than ever to get this over with. Because, now she knew exactly what was waiting for her when was done. She also knew how hard this was for Alex, and the last thing she wanted was for him to be worried for longer than necessary. She had already put him through enough.
She could see that Michael and Maria had also taken a moment alone, away from the group. The strawberry blonde was just pulling away from her boyfriend as Kate passed them on her way to her spot beneath the granolith's inverted cone.
"We're all going to leave the pod chamber until you're done," Serena was telling the others, as Kate slipped into the group. They were all there, listening.
Max and Liz were standing close to each other, but not touching. It was as if they were somehow acknowledging that, while this was a group endeavor, they were all going in as individuals too, just as Alex had reminded her. They all belonged here in their own right, and they would all be learning about their own pasts, and would have to deal with it all, in the end, alone.
Will had an unreadable expression on his face. Kate knew that he was deliberately masking his inner turmoil. Whatever he encountered in the granolith would forever end any hope he had that he and Liz were meant for each other. A dream would be dying for her brother. Jack was at his shoulder, though, backing him up, supporting him, as had always been her cousin's way. With their help, and with the strength he often forgot he possessed, Will would survive this.
Tess and Isabel were there, too, both clearly a little nervous, but more eager than anything. Michael was directly behind Kate, having followed her.
"The sheriff is taking the humans out," Serena continued. Kate turned around briefly, saw that it was true. Alex and the others were gone. She felt a flutter of nervousness in the pit of her stomach. This was really going to happen.
"Don't worry," Grant added. "I'll take care of them all."
Kate heard Michael snort behind her. "Great," he muttered. "That is so reassuring."
"What do we have to do exactly?" Max inquired. He was staring at the shining cone intently, a slight frown on his face.
"Just find your handprint," Serena told him. "The granolith recognizes you already. It is just waiting for you all to acknowledge it." She gestured around the shining cone. For the first time, Kate noticed that there were eight handprints ringing the granolith. She felt her heart start to beat more quickly when her eyes landed on one in particular. It did not look entirely [I]human[/I] and, yet, somehow, she knew that it belonged to her. "Touching your handprint will tell it you are ready to accept who you are," Serena continued. "The granolith will do the rest."
With that, she and Grant retreated up the silvery staircase, leaving the eight of them in silence.
When the quiet continued to stretch out, Kate realized that none of them had any intention of saying anything at all. She knew she didn't. Everything that had needed saying had been shared between them all in the connection they had made to bring her back. She had missed some of it, but had joined it long enough to understand that it was true.
They were never all going to be best friends. In fact, she knew for a certainty that some of them even still hated each other. But none of that mattered. Not here. Because, here, in the end, they were the same. Here, they trusted each other. Here, they would finally move forward in spite of their differences.
What was going to happen here today would be the beginning of the end of the conflict that divided their system. Because, in the end, trust was the first and most important step towards reconciliation.
Kate's heart lightened and she knew that she was no longer afraid. She took a step forward, so that she could reach the silver print she knew to be her own. Without anymore hesitation, she placed her hand squarely within it.
And, an instant later, she was no longer Kate at all.
To be continued.