[u]Part 49[/u]
"What's the matter?" Tess whispered, sounding worried. "Liz, it's [I]him[/I]! What's wrong with you?"
He was wearing a long, greyish robe, and he looked exhausted as he followed the guards off the ship. To the naked eye, Tess was right. It was most certainly Max. Every thing about him looked exactly as it had when Liz had last laid eyes on him in the granolith chamber. And, yet, as he walked toward them, Liz knew that he was not the same.
She could not feel him at all. As he approached, it was even more obvious that he had absolutely no idea who she was, unless he was the universe's best actor. But Max had never been able to fool her. His feelings and thoughts had always been as clear to her as her own. And he couldn't fake a lack of connection. It was, quite simply, impossible for him to shut her out that completely.
It was not him.
"Tess, it's not him," Liz managed to mutter back before he was within ear- shot. She raised her hands, rubbed viciously at her eyes. She was not going to cry! She refused. Until she understood exactly what was happening here, she would not give in to despair. There had to be some sort of logical explanation for why she and Tess both remembered their human lives on Earth, while Max didn't. She would figure it out. She [I]had[/I] to figure it out.
"Should we curtsy?" Tess whispered urgently. Max - Liz could not think of him as anything but Max, even if he presently [I]wasn't[/I] - obviously heard her, because he smiled slightly.
"There is no need," he said firmly, as he stopped in front of Tess. "I am your guest here."
"Not [I]my[/I] guest," Tess replied quickly, obviously finally understanding that Max thought she was the princess. "I'm not Rowena, your highness."
Max raised an eyebrow, glanced at Liz. "Forgive my confusion." He trailed off meaningfully, obviously waiting for an explanation as to why there was two of them.
"I am Rowena," Liz said quietly. She met his eyes directly, searching desperately for some sign that Max was in there somewhere. "This is my sister, Serena," she added, when she realized that he was starting to shift uncomfortably under her penetrating stare.
[I]Great. You're making a wonderful first impression, Liz,[/I] she reprimanded herself sarcastically. [I]He's sure going to fall in love with you this time.[/I]
"I wasn't aware that King Raynor had two daughters," Max replied.
Liz glanced at Tess, who looked as perplexed as she felt as to how to explain Serena's existence. It suddenly dawned on her that it was entirely unlikely that Rowena would have met Zan with Serena present last time. They were changing things already! She felt a knot starting to form in her stomach. It was going to become a permanent ulcer fairly rapidly if she didn't start to get control of this situation.
"He doesn't," Liz told him. "It's a long story."
"One I hope I'm going to hear," Max replied, beginning to sound a bit suspicious. Liz didn't blame him. She had the feeling that the crown prince wasn't going to be too happy to hear that one of his subjects was going around cloning herself. Liz was aware of how inherently dangerous the technology Rowena and Serena had perfected could be in the wrong hands. In fact, she knew all too well. It [I]had[/I] ended up falling into the control of the enemy. The planet upon which she was presently existing had been destroyed because of it.
Maybe [I]this[/I] was what the granolith wanted, Liz reflected hopefully. Maybe by simply clueing Zan into the fact that cloning existed in his system, they would change everything. He wouldn't allow the shapeshifters to clone him, would he? It seemed unlikely. Wasn't it possible that the first time around, Zan hadn't known about the cloning process until it was too late? Until he'd already been cloned?
This could be a good thing. Of course, it could also mean that she and Tess had just somehow completely altered history in a way that meant they were never going to be able to go back to Earth. But, really, in the end, there was no longer any point in worrying about that. They could not recreate everything that had happened last time. It was impossible, because Rowena and Serena were different people this time around, simply because they were really Liz and Tess. Even if Liz [I]knew[/I] exactly how this was all supposed to go, there was no way they wouldn't make mistakes. Nor could they allow it to be the same anyway.
They could not let the Antarian system fall into civil war again. It was wrong. Which meant they had to play this out and see where they were left when the game was done. Every move they made was going to change things. There was no stopping that now.
Liz could see that Max was waiting for an answer. She was saved from having to reply immediately, however, because she became aware of her shapeshifting bodyguard, Yorvin, standing just beyond Max. He was staring at her, a slightly annoyed expression on his face. She realized that protocol probably didn't approve of the crown prince of Antar standing around on a landing tarmac conversing with a barefoot princess.
"All in good time, your highness," Liz said, hoping she sounded more confident then she felt. "You must be tired after your journey. I know that the summit was not a relaxing time. Might I suggest that Yorvin show you to your rooms? Serena and I would be pleased to receive you for breakfast in the." Abruptly, Liz drew a blank. Where on Earth - or Valonia actually - would Rowena be likely to invite Zan to meet them?
"In the conservatory," Tess inserted smoothly. Liz looked at her, surprised. "It's lovely," her sister added.
"Right," Liz agreed, a little too profusely, hoping that Tess knew what the heck she was talking about.
Max was staring at her, Liz, his expression mildly amused. "Very well," he finally said, apparently willing to leave them. Liz didn't blame him. He probably thought they were both nuts.
"This way, your highness," Yorvin urged, leading Max away. One of Zan's guards followed him, but the rest returned to the shuttle.
Liz was astounded that it was a relief to see the back of him. She was actually relieved that Max was gone! It was enough to make her want to burst into tears again.
"Well, that went well," Tess finally said, after they had stood in silence for several long moments.
"Please tell me you're kidding," Liz snapped. "It was a disaster!"
"Liz, it wasn't [I]that[/I] bad," Tess insisted, as they started to walk back towards Rowena's rooms. "He's here. That's what's important."
"Tess, I'm telling you, that was not Max," Liz replied. "I don't see how this situation can possibly be interpreted as anything but a complete fiasco!"
"We'll figure it out, Liz," Tess soothed, reaching out and putting an arm around her shoulders. "There's got to be an explanation."
"I've already [I]thought[/I] of an explanation," Liz said glumly. "I just don't like it." It wasn't until the words came out of her mouth that Liz realized she had. Her heart had been trying to ignore what her mind had already figured out, because it wasn't going to be able to handle what she knew she was going to have to do.
"What?" Tess demanded. "Spill!"
"It's so obvious," Liz sighed. "And I really just can't believe that I have to do this [I]again,[/I] but it's the only thing that makes any sense."
"Liz, [I]what?[/I]"
"Tess, last time Rowena and Zan fell in love and it complicated [I]everything,[/I]" Liz explained quietly. "I have a feeling that we've already changed things to a degree where the entire war might be avoided."
"How so?" Tess asked. "And isn't that a [I]good[/I] thing?"
"I don't think Zan met Serena right away last time," Liz replied. "It just makes sense that he didn't. He was cloned secretly by the shapeshifters, so that he could be replaced and become their puppet. I just can't see him agreeing to that. It was too dangerous. I think the fact that he met us together this time is a turning point. Things can be completely different from now on."
"Okay," Tess said, still sounding confused. "But I still don't understand why Max doesn't remember us."
"Don't you get it?" Liz asked tonelessly, not understanding how she could possibly sound so normal. She realized that she was becoming numb. She quite simply could not emotionally deal with the fact that she was going to be forced to give him up again, and, so, her heart was freezing over to protect itself. "He [I]can't[/I] remember. Because if he remembers, things won't change the way they need to change."
"What do you mean?" Tess was beginning to sound frightened.
"Tess, Rowena has to marry Khivar," Liz explained patiently. "It's the only way to avoid the one thing that truly allowed the Wendarians to drive a wedge between Antar and Sardica." She pulled away from Tess, started walking more quickly, her arms wrapped around her middle. "To make sure that Zan doesn't interfere this time around, we have to make sure he doesn't fall in love with Rowena. We have to make him fall in love with someone else."
"Liz." Tess called after her. "Liz, stop! You're not saying what I [I]think[/I] you're saying?"
Liz didn't answer. She could not. But she heard Tess's final wail of disbelief, and knew that her sister finally got it.
"You want him to fall in love with me?"
***
Liz slipped through the double doors that led to the terrace outside Rowena's chamber. She knew she should be in bed, but needless to say, sleep was presently impossible. Her brain would not leave her in peace. And, so, she had come outside in what she knew would likely be a vain attempt to find some solace.
She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves, but ended up wrinkling her nose slightly at the unfamiliar scent that greeted her. Glancing down, she stared at a strange flowering plant, one she had obviously never seen before. Lowering her head, she sniffed again, then took a step back. The disgusting smell, which was obviously supposed to be pleasing to her based on the fact that the flower was on her balcony, only reinforced the absolute strangeness of the fact that she was even on Valonia.
She hated it here. She hated the granolith. She, in fact, at the moment, hated [I]everything.[/I] All she wanted was to go home. She wanted things to go back to the way they had been before they had so stupidly placed their trust in Whittaker and the granolith.
Plucking the offending bloom off the plant, Liz tossed it over the terrace wall, muttering to herself, "What I wouldn't give for a plain old white rose right about now."
Of course, thinking of white roses made her think of Max serenading her on her balcony, which just made her want to cry again. She had come outside to try and escape the stifling atmosphere of the palace, but the horror of having to relive this whole matchmaking scenario again was really what was suffocating her. She quite simply knew that she could not do it. Not again.
There was no choice though. She didn't know how she [I]knew[/I] that this was why she and Tess had come here with their memories intact, but somehow she did. She [I]knew[/I] that the granolith was giving her a second chance to fix what she had screwed up so royally after Future Max's visit.
The reason she had needed to escape Tess had been simple. While she didn't blame her sister for again proving to be Max's real destiny, she also didn't want to weep and wail in front of her. Tess didn't need to see it, nor did Liz really feel ready to share her pain over what they were going to have to do. Liz was growing to love Tess, but she also knew that Tess, in spite of everything, still had feelings for Max. In the end, Tess would not be unhappy by this turn of events. She would be hard-pressed to hide that from Liz, which she would feel bad about, which, in turn, meant they couldn't discuss it. It just had to be done.
Tess had seemed to understand too, because she had not come after Liz. Liz had been allowed to grieve her impending loss in solitude, and, now, she was finally able to get enough of a grip on herself to move events forward. Because, deep down, all she really wanted was for this to end. She wanted the pain and the despair to be over. And, eventually, if they changed things enough, they would be. She, Liz Parker, would cease to exist, if they did this right.
Finally she was able to understand why Future Max had seemed unafraid of his impending disappearance. For him, it had been a relief.in fact, a release. Because, to him, going on in a world without his Liz in it had not been a life at all. Liz knew that, for her, going on without Max would be the worst kind of hell. She had tried it once, and it had been impossible. She was a strong person, but, in the end, this was too much. She could not live through the pain of knowing that she was going to be alone forever. Not again.
The worst part of all was that, deep inside, Liz knew that she didn't want to fade away. She did not want to cease to exist. But, if they did what they were supposed to, she would. But, if she didn't, she was the worst kind of coward, completely selfish, and unlikely to have what she wanted anyway, since Max didn't even know who she was, obviously felt no connection to her, and might very well think she was insane, based on the way he had looked at her earlier.
"Could this entire situation suck more?" she demanded aloud, glaring up at the stars shining down on her. "I'm tired of [I]you[/I] too! Go away! Why can't everyone just leave me alone!" Stupid stars. Stupid destiny. Stupid conscience. Stupid alien stupidity!
"I'm intruding."
Liz jumped, whirled. Max - no, Liz quickly amended, it was Zan. She had to remember that this was [I]not[/I] Max - was standing on the far side of the terrace, a concerned expression on his face. He was holding the flower she had just thrown over the balcony in his hand. She took an involuntary step forward, so surprised - and so happy - to see him, she just about threw herself into his arms before she realized what she was doing.
"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the stars," she said quickly, when he made a move to go back down the staircase he had obviously just come up. The one she hadn't noticed. The irony of the entire situation was that, in spite of the fact that she had just screamed at the heavens for everyone to leave her alone, the one person she really wanted to see - Max - had suddenly joined her. Not that it was him. He didn't even know who she was. It was almost as if the fates were combining to drive her stark- raving mad.
"You were talking to the [I]stars[/I]?" Zan asked, sounding surprised. And not a little afraid, Liz reflected, suddenly wanting to laugh at the absurdity of this situation. If the fates were trying to drive her insane, Zan seemed to think she was already there.
"Never mind. Were you in the garden?" she asked, deciding to change the subject. She cringed slightly when she heard the weariness in her voice. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
"You didn't," Zan replied. "I was actually doing a little stargazing myself," he admitted. "Although with a little less annoyance at the stars. We don't see them often on Antar. I don't know them well enough to dislike them."
Liz felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. He apparently wasn't going to let this drop. Sighing, she asked, "You don't see them on Antar?"
"Too polluted," Zan explained, moving forward slightly, so that he could lean on the terrace's ledge. Liz eyes were drawn to the way his long fingers were still playing with the bloom he held. She could feel her body starting to heat up, and not because she was embarrassed this time. He might not remember her, but this was still Max, and her entire soul knew it.
For one brief moment, she wondered what he would do if she just threw herself at him. He already thought she was crazy. What did she have to lose?
But, he was no longer hers. It was Tess who was supposed to be out here with him.
Liz realized that he was looking at her strangely. She hadn't answered him. "Oh. That's too bad. I've never been to Antar," she added, hoping it was true of Rowena. "I'd like to go someday."
"Really?" Zan sounded surprised.
"You don't believe me?" Liz demanded.
"Well, I've been told that you don't like to leave Valonia," Zan replied. "That it's why you haven't yet married Khivar."
Liz stared at him. He sounded questioning, but more than that. He sounded knowing. He was getting personal pretty quickly, considering they had supposedly only met once before today. Meeting his eyes, she saw that his were slightly narrowed, as he waited for her reply. She recognized Max's pensive expression, knew that he was trying to understand something about her - about Rowena, she realized. It was like he already knew something and she couldn't figure out what it was. The tone of his voice implied that he thought she wouldn't marry Khivar for another reason. Why?
"Who told you that?" she asked carefully.
"I know your future sister-in-law, Karana, very well," Zan replied. "She seems sure that your marriage will never take place because you won't leave this planet, and Khivar will not leave his own. I've now met Khivar. I think Karana is right." But, yet again, Liz could hear in his voice that he was really asking about something else entirely. What was he getting at? This wasn't about Khivar at all. It reminded her of the conversations she used to have with Max about Kyle - the ones where they had both known darn well that they were just skirting around the issue of what they really meant to each other.
"Why do you care?" Liz inquired uncertainly. She wondered if this conversation had happened in their past lives, or if it was entirely new this time around. Because what exactly was Zan trying to find out here?
There was a long pause, their eyes locked together, as they each tried to read the other. Liz could tell he was doing it, because after all, she knew him. He just didn't know her.
She was absolutely shocked, when he abruptly grinned at her. "Actually, if you really want to know the truth, I don't care. Not a single bit."
"What?" Liz demanded. "Then why are you asking?"
"I have a feeling that I'm asking for the same reason that you agreed to your betrothal to Khivar," Zan answered, sounding amused, although slightly wary as well. "To get my father off my back. He's exhausting. Since I saw you here, I thought I'd find out something fairly insignificant for him, so that he'd leave me alone for a while."
Liz stared at him, unsure how to respond to this. She knew, somehow, that he was not telling her the truth. This was not about his father at all. He was trying to find out something else entirely. It was about Khivar, and, yet, somehow, she knew it wasn't.
She couldn't admit that she didn't want to marry Khivar. He needed to think it, needed to know that she was unavailable. She decided that the opportunity to glean some information of her own was too good to pass up however. "Well, you likely know something about unwanted betrothals," she responded.
He blinked. "I do?"
"Ava?" Liz suggested.
Zan stared at her. "Ava?" he repeated, sounding confused.
"The sister of the king of Knosis?" Liz replied impatiently. "Your fiancée?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Zan replied, his expression changing slightly. His "this woman is crazy" face was back.
Liz wrinkled her brow. "You're not engaged to Ava this time?"
Instantly, she could have kicked herself for the mistake. He was starting to wear a matching frown now. "[I]This[/I] time?"
"[I]At[/I] this time," Liz amended lamely, internally rolling her eyes at her own stupidity.
"Since I don't even know who this Ava is, my betrothal to her seems unlikely," Zan finally said, still sounding a bit suspicious.
Liz didn't quite know what to make of that answer. "Are you saying the king of Knosis doesn't have a sister?"
"Are you saying you think he does?" Zan shot back. "Of course, it is possible. Apparently you have a sister of which I've never heard as well. But I'm fairly certain that I'm not engaged to either of these mystery siblings."
Liz barely heard him though. Her mind was racing. Was he serious? Could it be true that Ava did not exist in this reality? And, if she didn't, what did it mean?
It did not take her long to understand what was likely going on. Somehow, the granolith must have adjusted this world for the fact that the Tess who was here was a combined version of Serena and Ava. Because of this fact, both Ava and Serena needed to disappear for Tess to be able to exist. It was like what Future Max had told Liz about being unable to meet his younger self. If Tess had run into either Serena or Ava, it would have been disastrous. And, so, they were both gone.
It could not have been luck that Tess ended up in Serena's role here, and not Ava's. Zan had never been interested in Ava, but he had fallen in love with Rowena. It had to be a simple matter to make him fall in love with Rowena's clone. The granolith had given Tess a better chance this time around.
She needed to find Tess, and fast. This only reinforced that Zan and Serena were truly meant for each other. She had to make sure her sister understood how important it was that this work out.
"My lady?"
She jumped slightly, focused on Zan again, who had moved closer to her while she'd been thinking. Liz almost couldn't believe that, for a moment, she had completely forgotten his presence. Staring at him, her heart finally caught up with her mind. It was incomprehensible to her that it still had the capability to shatter a little more each time it acknowledged that she could not be with Max. Shouldn't it have finished breaking by now? Was she destined to always be in pain like this? What had happened to the numbness?
"I." Liz could hear her voice trembling, saw that he heard it too.
"Rowena, what is wrong?" he asked quietly. "I can see that something is different. Can't you tell me?"
"I wish I could," she whispered. She jumped slightly when she felt his hand brush her cheek. She looked up at him, for one heart-stopping moment absolutely certain that it was Max touching her. Had he remembered? Was he finally here with her?
But, meeting his eyes, she knew that it wasn't him. She could see the curiousity, the kindness, in his dark gaze, but nothing more than that. There was no recognition.
It was then that she realized that it wasn't entirely true. She could see that he wasn't seeing her as Liz, but there was something in his eyes that was no ambivalent, that was somehow more knowing than she had seen there yet. She could see his vulnerability in that instant. He was expecting something from her, something she didn't understand.
What was going on here?
"Why can't you?"
"I need to talk to my sister," Liz replied, stepping back, and away from him, barely able to refrain from moving closer. She knew she should leave, knew that she should go in search of Tess, but she could not leave him. Not yet.
"You are different from what I remember of you," Zan finally said, after a long silence.
"How so?" Liz asked, curious in spite of herself. "We've barely met before."
"You made an impression," he said, looking slightly embarrassed, but he seemed determined to press on. "And I remembered you. I thought that your invitation here meant that you remembered me, too."
Liz stared at him. "Really?" Her mind was trying to understand. Had something happened between Zan and Rowena at their first meeting? Even with Khivar present? What was he getting at? "Then.why." She trailed off, uncertain of how to ask him about his cool greeting of her earlier.
"Your sister informed me that you thought that I did not know you," Zan told her. "I am sorry if it seemed that way. I was merely surprised to see two of you. Once I laid eyes on you again, I knew the difference. You seem.changed though. I do not understand it, Rowena."
Liz pressed her lips together, hoping he would continue. She needed to figure out what was going on here. Exactly what had transpired between Zan and Rowena at the summit before she had departed?
"Was it.Is it because you think I am engaged to this Ava?" Zan asked. "I've never even heard of her before."
"I don't know what to tell you," she finally said, when it seemed he was waiting for an answer.
"Why not the truth?" Zan replied, beginning to sound a bit exasperated. "What is going on here? Who is that other woman?"
"My sister," Liz whispered.
"I don't believe it," Zan snapped. "Who is she really? Why have you brought me here? Was everything that happened in Valnor a ruse to lure me here?"
A lump was beginning to rise in Liz's throat at the suspicion that was beginning to rise in Zan's voice. "No," she answered quickly. "I wanted you to come."
"Why?"
"So I could help you," she said.
"How?" Zan demanded.
"I.I can't tell you," Liz almost wailed. "It will ruin everything!" She was so weak! Max had managed to break down her defenses in order to get her to tell him about Future Max in the space of a week. And, now, he was managing to do it again, this time as Zan, and in even less time. Why couldn't she tell him? He didn't love her - not yet. He could pursue Tess if he knew he had to in order to avoid civil war. This time he wouldn't have feelings in the way. He would listen to her!
"Was it you who invited me?" Max asked abruptly. Liz looked up at him, startled. "Maybe [I]she[/I] wanted me here. If there are two of you, how can I possibly know the difference?"
"I don't know!"
"But I do. Somehow I do. You are the one."
Liz felt her heart start to beat more quickly. His eyes would not leave her face. And, suddenly, she knew that it was already too late. He was already in love with Rowena. "I [I]know[/I] that you are the one who drew me here," he continued. "You are the one Rath introduced me to. You are the one I came to see."
"How?" she whispered. "How do you know it?"
Zan stepped forward, brought his hands up gently so that they cupped her face. "I've always known you," he said quietly. "From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one for me. I was confused when I first came here. How could I not be? There are two of you. But not anymore. I know who you are. You are the one, Rowena."
His head lowered, his eyes on her lips, helping her to be perfectly aware of what he was about to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away, to deny that she was the person he remembered. He would believe her if she convinced him it was Serena he'd met. He had to! She could do it! It was why she was here!
But her heart was, as usual, completely uncooperative. Before she could do anything, he was kissing her, and there was absolutely no way she could possibly pull away.
Her heart would not let her stop him. It was arguing against every moral bone in her body. It knew that what was going to happen could not be avoided. He was hers. He always had been, he always would be, and, because of it, every world upon which they loved each other would be destroyed.
"What's the matter?" Tess whispered, sounding worried. "Liz, it's [I]him[/I]! What's wrong with you?"
He was wearing a long, greyish robe, and he looked exhausted as he followed the guards off the ship. To the naked eye, Tess was right. It was most certainly Max. Every thing about him looked exactly as it had when Liz had last laid eyes on him in the granolith chamber. And, yet, as he walked toward them, Liz knew that he was not the same.
She could not feel him at all. As he approached, it was even more obvious that he had absolutely no idea who she was, unless he was the universe's best actor. But Max had never been able to fool her. His feelings and thoughts had always been as clear to her as her own. And he couldn't fake a lack of connection. It was, quite simply, impossible for him to shut her out that completely.
It was not him.
"Tess, it's not him," Liz managed to mutter back before he was within ear- shot. She raised her hands, rubbed viciously at her eyes. She was not going to cry! She refused. Until she understood exactly what was happening here, she would not give in to despair. There had to be some sort of logical explanation for why she and Tess both remembered their human lives on Earth, while Max didn't. She would figure it out. She [I]had[/I] to figure it out.
"Should we curtsy?" Tess whispered urgently. Max - Liz could not think of him as anything but Max, even if he presently [I]wasn't[/I] - obviously heard her, because he smiled slightly.
"There is no need," he said firmly, as he stopped in front of Tess. "I am your guest here."
"Not [I]my[/I] guest," Tess replied quickly, obviously finally understanding that Max thought she was the princess. "I'm not Rowena, your highness."
Max raised an eyebrow, glanced at Liz. "Forgive my confusion." He trailed off meaningfully, obviously waiting for an explanation as to why there was two of them.
"I am Rowena," Liz said quietly. She met his eyes directly, searching desperately for some sign that Max was in there somewhere. "This is my sister, Serena," she added, when she realized that he was starting to shift uncomfortably under her penetrating stare.
[I]Great. You're making a wonderful first impression, Liz,[/I] she reprimanded herself sarcastically. [I]He's sure going to fall in love with you this time.[/I]
"I wasn't aware that King Raynor had two daughters," Max replied.
Liz glanced at Tess, who looked as perplexed as she felt as to how to explain Serena's existence. It suddenly dawned on her that it was entirely unlikely that Rowena would have met Zan with Serena present last time. They were changing things already! She felt a knot starting to form in her stomach. It was going to become a permanent ulcer fairly rapidly if she didn't start to get control of this situation.
"He doesn't," Liz told him. "It's a long story."
"One I hope I'm going to hear," Max replied, beginning to sound a bit suspicious. Liz didn't blame him. She had the feeling that the crown prince wasn't going to be too happy to hear that one of his subjects was going around cloning herself. Liz was aware of how inherently dangerous the technology Rowena and Serena had perfected could be in the wrong hands. In fact, she knew all too well. It [I]had[/I] ended up falling into the control of the enemy. The planet upon which she was presently existing had been destroyed because of it.
Maybe [I]this[/I] was what the granolith wanted, Liz reflected hopefully. Maybe by simply clueing Zan into the fact that cloning existed in his system, they would change everything. He wouldn't allow the shapeshifters to clone him, would he? It seemed unlikely. Wasn't it possible that the first time around, Zan hadn't known about the cloning process until it was too late? Until he'd already been cloned?
This could be a good thing. Of course, it could also mean that she and Tess had just somehow completely altered history in a way that meant they were never going to be able to go back to Earth. But, really, in the end, there was no longer any point in worrying about that. They could not recreate everything that had happened last time. It was impossible, because Rowena and Serena were different people this time around, simply because they were really Liz and Tess. Even if Liz [I]knew[/I] exactly how this was all supposed to go, there was no way they wouldn't make mistakes. Nor could they allow it to be the same anyway.
They could not let the Antarian system fall into civil war again. It was wrong. Which meant they had to play this out and see where they were left when the game was done. Every move they made was going to change things. There was no stopping that now.
Liz could see that Max was waiting for an answer. She was saved from having to reply immediately, however, because she became aware of her shapeshifting bodyguard, Yorvin, standing just beyond Max. He was staring at her, a slightly annoyed expression on his face. She realized that protocol probably didn't approve of the crown prince of Antar standing around on a landing tarmac conversing with a barefoot princess.
"All in good time, your highness," Liz said, hoping she sounded more confident then she felt. "You must be tired after your journey. I know that the summit was not a relaxing time. Might I suggest that Yorvin show you to your rooms? Serena and I would be pleased to receive you for breakfast in the." Abruptly, Liz drew a blank. Where on Earth - or Valonia actually - would Rowena be likely to invite Zan to meet them?
"In the conservatory," Tess inserted smoothly. Liz looked at her, surprised. "It's lovely," her sister added.
"Right," Liz agreed, a little too profusely, hoping that Tess knew what the heck she was talking about.
Max was staring at her, Liz, his expression mildly amused. "Very well," he finally said, apparently willing to leave them. Liz didn't blame him. He probably thought they were both nuts.
"This way, your highness," Yorvin urged, leading Max away. One of Zan's guards followed him, but the rest returned to the shuttle.
Liz was astounded that it was a relief to see the back of him. She was actually relieved that Max was gone! It was enough to make her want to burst into tears again.
"Well, that went well," Tess finally said, after they had stood in silence for several long moments.
"Please tell me you're kidding," Liz snapped. "It was a disaster!"
"Liz, it wasn't [I]that[/I] bad," Tess insisted, as they started to walk back towards Rowena's rooms. "He's here. That's what's important."
"Tess, I'm telling you, that was not Max," Liz replied. "I don't see how this situation can possibly be interpreted as anything but a complete fiasco!"
"We'll figure it out, Liz," Tess soothed, reaching out and putting an arm around her shoulders. "There's got to be an explanation."
"I've already [I]thought[/I] of an explanation," Liz said glumly. "I just don't like it." It wasn't until the words came out of her mouth that Liz realized she had. Her heart had been trying to ignore what her mind had already figured out, because it wasn't going to be able to handle what she knew she was going to have to do.
"What?" Tess demanded. "Spill!"
"It's so obvious," Liz sighed. "And I really just can't believe that I have to do this [I]again,[/I] but it's the only thing that makes any sense."
"Liz, [I]what?[/I]"
"Tess, last time Rowena and Zan fell in love and it complicated [I]everything,[/I]" Liz explained quietly. "I have a feeling that we've already changed things to a degree where the entire war might be avoided."
"How so?" Tess asked. "And isn't that a [I]good[/I] thing?"
"I don't think Zan met Serena right away last time," Liz replied. "It just makes sense that he didn't. He was cloned secretly by the shapeshifters, so that he could be replaced and become their puppet. I just can't see him agreeing to that. It was too dangerous. I think the fact that he met us together this time is a turning point. Things can be completely different from now on."
"Okay," Tess said, still sounding confused. "But I still don't understand why Max doesn't remember us."
"Don't you get it?" Liz asked tonelessly, not understanding how she could possibly sound so normal. She realized that she was becoming numb. She quite simply could not emotionally deal with the fact that she was going to be forced to give him up again, and, so, her heart was freezing over to protect itself. "He [I]can't[/I] remember. Because if he remembers, things won't change the way they need to change."
"What do you mean?" Tess was beginning to sound frightened.
"Tess, Rowena has to marry Khivar," Liz explained patiently. "It's the only way to avoid the one thing that truly allowed the Wendarians to drive a wedge between Antar and Sardica." She pulled away from Tess, started walking more quickly, her arms wrapped around her middle. "To make sure that Zan doesn't interfere this time around, we have to make sure he doesn't fall in love with Rowena. We have to make him fall in love with someone else."
"Liz." Tess called after her. "Liz, stop! You're not saying what I [I]think[/I] you're saying?"
Liz didn't answer. She could not. But she heard Tess's final wail of disbelief, and knew that her sister finally got it.
"You want him to fall in love with me?"
***
Liz slipped through the double doors that led to the terrace outside Rowena's chamber. She knew she should be in bed, but needless to say, sleep was presently impossible. Her brain would not leave her in peace. And, so, she had come outside in what she knew would likely be a vain attempt to find some solace.
She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves, but ended up wrinkling her nose slightly at the unfamiliar scent that greeted her. Glancing down, she stared at a strange flowering plant, one she had obviously never seen before. Lowering her head, she sniffed again, then took a step back. The disgusting smell, which was obviously supposed to be pleasing to her based on the fact that the flower was on her balcony, only reinforced the absolute strangeness of the fact that she was even on Valonia.
She hated it here. She hated the granolith. She, in fact, at the moment, hated [I]everything.[/I] All she wanted was to go home. She wanted things to go back to the way they had been before they had so stupidly placed their trust in Whittaker and the granolith.
Plucking the offending bloom off the plant, Liz tossed it over the terrace wall, muttering to herself, "What I wouldn't give for a plain old white rose right about now."
Of course, thinking of white roses made her think of Max serenading her on her balcony, which just made her want to cry again. She had come outside to try and escape the stifling atmosphere of the palace, but the horror of having to relive this whole matchmaking scenario again was really what was suffocating her. She quite simply knew that she could not do it. Not again.
There was no choice though. She didn't know how she [I]knew[/I] that this was why she and Tess had come here with their memories intact, but somehow she did. She [I]knew[/I] that the granolith was giving her a second chance to fix what she had screwed up so royally after Future Max's visit.
The reason she had needed to escape Tess had been simple. While she didn't blame her sister for again proving to be Max's real destiny, she also didn't want to weep and wail in front of her. Tess didn't need to see it, nor did Liz really feel ready to share her pain over what they were going to have to do. Liz was growing to love Tess, but she also knew that Tess, in spite of everything, still had feelings for Max. In the end, Tess would not be unhappy by this turn of events. She would be hard-pressed to hide that from Liz, which she would feel bad about, which, in turn, meant they couldn't discuss it. It just had to be done.
Tess had seemed to understand too, because she had not come after Liz. Liz had been allowed to grieve her impending loss in solitude, and, now, she was finally able to get enough of a grip on herself to move events forward. Because, deep down, all she really wanted was for this to end. She wanted the pain and the despair to be over. And, eventually, if they changed things enough, they would be. She, Liz Parker, would cease to exist, if they did this right.
Finally she was able to understand why Future Max had seemed unafraid of his impending disappearance. For him, it had been a relief.in fact, a release. Because, to him, going on in a world without his Liz in it had not been a life at all. Liz knew that, for her, going on without Max would be the worst kind of hell. She had tried it once, and it had been impossible. She was a strong person, but, in the end, this was too much. She could not live through the pain of knowing that she was going to be alone forever. Not again.
The worst part of all was that, deep inside, Liz knew that she didn't want to fade away. She did not want to cease to exist. But, if they did what they were supposed to, she would. But, if she didn't, she was the worst kind of coward, completely selfish, and unlikely to have what she wanted anyway, since Max didn't even know who she was, obviously felt no connection to her, and might very well think she was insane, based on the way he had looked at her earlier.
"Could this entire situation suck more?" she demanded aloud, glaring up at the stars shining down on her. "I'm tired of [I]you[/I] too! Go away! Why can't everyone just leave me alone!" Stupid stars. Stupid destiny. Stupid conscience. Stupid alien stupidity!
"I'm intruding."
Liz jumped, whirled. Max - no, Liz quickly amended, it was Zan. She had to remember that this was [I]not[/I] Max - was standing on the far side of the terrace, a concerned expression on his face. He was holding the flower she had just thrown over the balcony in his hand. She took an involuntary step forward, so surprised - and so happy - to see him, she just about threw herself into his arms before she realized what she was doing.
"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the stars," she said quickly, when he made a move to go back down the staircase he had obviously just come up. The one she hadn't noticed. The irony of the entire situation was that, in spite of the fact that she had just screamed at the heavens for everyone to leave her alone, the one person she really wanted to see - Max - had suddenly joined her. Not that it was him. He didn't even know who she was. It was almost as if the fates were combining to drive her stark- raving mad.
"You were talking to the [I]stars[/I]?" Zan asked, sounding surprised. And not a little afraid, Liz reflected, suddenly wanting to laugh at the absurdity of this situation. If the fates were trying to drive her insane, Zan seemed to think she was already there.
"Never mind. Were you in the garden?" she asked, deciding to change the subject. She cringed slightly when she heard the weariness in her voice. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
"You didn't," Zan replied. "I was actually doing a little stargazing myself," he admitted. "Although with a little less annoyance at the stars. We don't see them often on Antar. I don't know them well enough to dislike them."
Liz felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. He apparently wasn't going to let this drop. Sighing, she asked, "You don't see them on Antar?"
"Too polluted," Zan explained, moving forward slightly, so that he could lean on the terrace's ledge. Liz eyes were drawn to the way his long fingers were still playing with the bloom he held. She could feel her body starting to heat up, and not because she was embarrassed this time. He might not remember her, but this was still Max, and her entire soul knew it.
For one brief moment, she wondered what he would do if she just threw herself at him. He already thought she was crazy. What did she have to lose?
But, he was no longer hers. It was Tess who was supposed to be out here with him.
Liz realized that he was looking at her strangely. She hadn't answered him. "Oh. That's too bad. I've never been to Antar," she added, hoping it was true of Rowena. "I'd like to go someday."
"Really?" Zan sounded surprised.
"You don't believe me?" Liz demanded.
"Well, I've been told that you don't like to leave Valonia," Zan replied. "That it's why you haven't yet married Khivar."
Liz stared at him. He sounded questioning, but more than that. He sounded knowing. He was getting personal pretty quickly, considering they had supposedly only met once before today. Meeting his eyes, she saw that his were slightly narrowed, as he waited for her reply. She recognized Max's pensive expression, knew that he was trying to understand something about her - about Rowena, she realized. It was like he already knew something and she couldn't figure out what it was. The tone of his voice implied that he thought she wouldn't marry Khivar for another reason. Why?
"Who told you that?" she asked carefully.
"I know your future sister-in-law, Karana, very well," Zan replied. "She seems sure that your marriage will never take place because you won't leave this planet, and Khivar will not leave his own. I've now met Khivar. I think Karana is right." But, yet again, Liz could hear in his voice that he was really asking about something else entirely. What was he getting at? This wasn't about Khivar at all. It reminded her of the conversations she used to have with Max about Kyle - the ones where they had both known darn well that they were just skirting around the issue of what they really meant to each other.
"Why do you care?" Liz inquired uncertainly. She wondered if this conversation had happened in their past lives, or if it was entirely new this time around. Because what exactly was Zan trying to find out here?
There was a long pause, their eyes locked together, as they each tried to read the other. Liz could tell he was doing it, because after all, she knew him. He just didn't know her.
She was absolutely shocked, when he abruptly grinned at her. "Actually, if you really want to know the truth, I don't care. Not a single bit."
"What?" Liz demanded. "Then why are you asking?"
"I have a feeling that I'm asking for the same reason that you agreed to your betrothal to Khivar," Zan answered, sounding amused, although slightly wary as well. "To get my father off my back. He's exhausting. Since I saw you here, I thought I'd find out something fairly insignificant for him, so that he'd leave me alone for a while."
Liz stared at him, unsure how to respond to this. She knew, somehow, that he was not telling her the truth. This was not about his father at all. He was trying to find out something else entirely. It was about Khivar, and, yet, somehow, she knew it wasn't.
She couldn't admit that she didn't want to marry Khivar. He needed to think it, needed to know that she was unavailable. She decided that the opportunity to glean some information of her own was too good to pass up however. "Well, you likely know something about unwanted betrothals," she responded.
He blinked. "I do?"
"Ava?" Liz suggested.
Zan stared at her. "Ava?" he repeated, sounding confused.
"The sister of the king of Knosis?" Liz replied impatiently. "Your fiancée?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Zan replied, his expression changing slightly. His "this woman is crazy" face was back.
Liz wrinkled her brow. "You're not engaged to Ava this time?"
Instantly, she could have kicked herself for the mistake. He was starting to wear a matching frown now. "[I]This[/I] time?"
"[I]At[/I] this time," Liz amended lamely, internally rolling her eyes at her own stupidity.
"Since I don't even know who this Ava is, my betrothal to her seems unlikely," Zan finally said, still sounding a bit suspicious.
Liz didn't quite know what to make of that answer. "Are you saying the king of Knosis doesn't have a sister?"
"Are you saying you think he does?" Zan shot back. "Of course, it is possible. Apparently you have a sister of which I've never heard as well. But I'm fairly certain that I'm not engaged to either of these mystery siblings."
Liz barely heard him though. Her mind was racing. Was he serious? Could it be true that Ava did not exist in this reality? And, if she didn't, what did it mean?
It did not take her long to understand what was likely going on. Somehow, the granolith must have adjusted this world for the fact that the Tess who was here was a combined version of Serena and Ava. Because of this fact, both Ava and Serena needed to disappear for Tess to be able to exist. It was like what Future Max had told Liz about being unable to meet his younger self. If Tess had run into either Serena or Ava, it would have been disastrous. And, so, they were both gone.
It could not have been luck that Tess ended up in Serena's role here, and not Ava's. Zan had never been interested in Ava, but he had fallen in love with Rowena. It had to be a simple matter to make him fall in love with Rowena's clone. The granolith had given Tess a better chance this time around.
She needed to find Tess, and fast. This only reinforced that Zan and Serena were truly meant for each other. She had to make sure her sister understood how important it was that this work out.
"My lady?"
She jumped slightly, focused on Zan again, who had moved closer to her while she'd been thinking. Liz almost couldn't believe that, for a moment, she had completely forgotten his presence. Staring at him, her heart finally caught up with her mind. It was incomprehensible to her that it still had the capability to shatter a little more each time it acknowledged that she could not be with Max. Shouldn't it have finished breaking by now? Was she destined to always be in pain like this? What had happened to the numbness?
"I." Liz could hear her voice trembling, saw that he heard it too.
"Rowena, what is wrong?" he asked quietly. "I can see that something is different. Can't you tell me?"
"I wish I could," she whispered. She jumped slightly when she felt his hand brush her cheek. She looked up at him, for one heart-stopping moment absolutely certain that it was Max touching her. Had he remembered? Was he finally here with her?
But, meeting his eyes, she knew that it wasn't him. She could see the curiousity, the kindness, in his dark gaze, but nothing more than that. There was no recognition.
It was then that she realized that it wasn't entirely true. She could see that he wasn't seeing her as Liz, but there was something in his eyes that was no ambivalent, that was somehow more knowing than she had seen there yet. She could see his vulnerability in that instant. He was expecting something from her, something she didn't understand.
What was going on here?
"Why can't you?"
"I need to talk to my sister," Liz replied, stepping back, and away from him, barely able to refrain from moving closer. She knew she should leave, knew that she should go in search of Tess, but she could not leave him. Not yet.
"You are different from what I remember of you," Zan finally said, after a long silence.
"How so?" Liz asked, curious in spite of herself. "We've barely met before."
"You made an impression," he said, looking slightly embarrassed, but he seemed determined to press on. "And I remembered you. I thought that your invitation here meant that you remembered me, too."
Liz stared at him. "Really?" Her mind was trying to understand. Had something happened between Zan and Rowena at their first meeting? Even with Khivar present? What was he getting at? "Then.why." She trailed off, uncertain of how to ask him about his cool greeting of her earlier.
"Your sister informed me that you thought that I did not know you," Zan told her. "I am sorry if it seemed that way. I was merely surprised to see two of you. Once I laid eyes on you again, I knew the difference. You seem.changed though. I do not understand it, Rowena."
Liz pressed her lips together, hoping he would continue. She needed to figure out what was going on here. Exactly what had transpired between Zan and Rowena at the summit before she had departed?
"Was it.Is it because you think I am engaged to this Ava?" Zan asked. "I've never even heard of her before."
"I don't know what to tell you," she finally said, when it seemed he was waiting for an answer.
"Why not the truth?" Zan replied, beginning to sound a bit exasperated. "What is going on here? Who is that other woman?"
"My sister," Liz whispered.
"I don't believe it," Zan snapped. "Who is she really? Why have you brought me here? Was everything that happened in Valnor a ruse to lure me here?"
A lump was beginning to rise in Liz's throat at the suspicion that was beginning to rise in Zan's voice. "No," she answered quickly. "I wanted you to come."
"Why?"
"So I could help you," she said.
"How?" Zan demanded.
"I.I can't tell you," Liz almost wailed. "It will ruin everything!" She was so weak! Max had managed to break down her defenses in order to get her to tell him about Future Max in the space of a week. And, now, he was managing to do it again, this time as Zan, and in even less time. Why couldn't she tell him? He didn't love her - not yet. He could pursue Tess if he knew he had to in order to avoid civil war. This time he wouldn't have feelings in the way. He would listen to her!
"Was it you who invited me?" Max asked abruptly. Liz looked up at him, startled. "Maybe [I]she[/I] wanted me here. If there are two of you, how can I possibly know the difference?"
"I don't know!"
"But I do. Somehow I do. You are the one."
Liz felt her heart start to beat more quickly. His eyes would not leave her face. And, suddenly, she knew that it was already too late. He was already in love with Rowena. "I [I]know[/I] that you are the one who drew me here," he continued. "You are the one Rath introduced me to. You are the one I came to see."
"How?" she whispered. "How do you know it?"
Zan stepped forward, brought his hands up gently so that they cupped her face. "I've always known you," he said quietly. "From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one for me. I was confused when I first came here. How could I not be? There are two of you. But not anymore. I know who you are. You are the one, Rowena."
His head lowered, his eyes on her lips, helping her to be perfectly aware of what he was about to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away, to deny that she was the person he remembered. He would believe her if she convinced him it was Serena he'd met. He had to! She could do it! It was why she was here!
But her heart was, as usual, completely uncooperative. Before she could do anything, he was kissing her, and there was absolutely no way she could possibly pull away.
Her heart would not let her stop him. It was arguing against every moral bone in her body. It knew that what was going to happen could not be avoided. He was hers. He always had been, he always would be, and, because of it, every world upon which they loved each other would be destroyed.