[u]Part 50[/u]
For one long moment, Liz allowed herself to feel the pure love that ran through her entire being whenever Max kissed her. She knew that this would be the last time, and she could not resist the sensation of her soul reaching out for his, knowing that its mate was within reach. She let herself stop thinking, let herself simply enjoy it.
But, when his lips left hers and started to trace a delicate path across her cheek, to her ear, then down her neck, she heard him whisper her name. Well, not [I]her[/I] name. Had he whispered her real name, she probably would not have snapped back to reality.
"Rowena."
Everything stopped in that instant. She remembered where she was, why this was wrong, and what she had to do. In the end, her brain won out over her heart, because there was no other choice.
Liz wrenched away from Max. She could no longer think of him as Zan. Not after what had just happened. Because, to her, this [I]was[/I] Max. He would always be Max, no matter who he thought he was. Whatever his name, whatever the planet, he was the one for her. He always had been, he always would be, and everyone they cared about would die because they could not stay away from each other.
Her heart was destined to be broken no matter which path she took, and the truth of it was suddenly too much. If she followed her heart's true wishes, and let Rowena be with Zan, then their family and friends would die - certainly in this lifetime, and very likely in the next one too, even if the event was still fourteen years in the future. If she didn't listen to her heart, then she would be lonely for the rest of her life. Future Max had told her that the future was unknown, that she might not end up alone, but she knew this was untrue. Because, if she couldn't have Max, there was no question of there being anyone else. She didn't [I]want[/I] anyone else.
Liz felt wrenching sobs begin to take hold of her body. She could no longer hold in the pain of it. How could something that had felt right, from the first moment he had ever touched her, be so wrong? How could two people be allowed to feel so much, when they were not meant to be, but were, in fact, doomed from the start? It just wasn't fair.
"Rowena?" He sounded tentative. She felt his hand on her shoulder, could hear the concern and confusion in his voice. She could sense that he wanted to comfort her, wanted to let him more than anything. But it could not be. And, for the first time, she truly understood what she had to do.
She had to tell him everything. Unless she did, he would continue to pursue her, would follow his heart, would not stop until she gave in again. Because wasn't that exactly what had happened last time? Future Max had insisted that his younger version could not be trusted to make the right decisions, that [I]she[/I] was the one who had to do it all alone. But Future Max had been wrong. The only way to break their bond irrevocably was for them to both know that it was necessary.
Liz trusted Zan - no, she trusted [I]Max[/I], her soulmate, hidden inside this stranger - to do the right thing. That future version of Max may not have trusted himself, but [I]she[/I] trusted him. He had never failed her before. He would not fail her now.
There was no other way.
Liz forced herself to take deep breaths, managed to slow her tears through sheer force of will. She realized that she had fallen to her knees during her momentary breakdown, and that Zan was kneeling beside her. His arm was around her, and her cheek was resting against the warmth of his neck. Closing her eyes briefly, she breathed him in for the last time, and then pulled away.
She could feel his eyes on her as she stood, but she did not meet his gaze. She made herself start to talk before she could change her mind again. "I'm not Rowena."
"What?"
Turning her head, Liz could see that he was still kneeling, and was staring up at her, looking so perplexed, it made her heart lurch. It reminded her of the time she had deliberately turned away from Max in the pod chamber, when they had first learned of his destiny. As she watched him, his expression changed to that of a man having his entire world taken away from him without any warning, and without any remorse.
She continued mercilessly. There was no choice. "I am not Rowena."
"I know you are," he said, frowning slightly. "I know [I]you[/I]."
"You don't," she replied without hesitation. "You don't know anything about me."
"I know what I feel," he insisted, finally climbing to his feet, much to Liz's relief. She didn't think she could have taken much more of that lost puppy dog expression. Now he was beginning to look angry, which would make this easier.
"What you feel for me is destructive," Liz told him. "You can't love me. If you do, this entire system will end up in chaos. It will begin with the devastation of the planet on which we're standing, and it will end with the annihilation of a planet far away from here. Our home and everyone we love in two separate lifetimes will suffer and die because of us. " Her voice cracked slightly, but she forced herself to raise her chin, made herself go on. "And I will not be responsible for it. I will not make [I]you[/I] responsible for it. Not again."
Liz raised her gaze to his. The eyes that she loved so well were staring at her, concern still visible, but dawning horror becoming clear to her as well. "What are you talking about?" he whispered, sounding afraid.
She pressed her lips together, uncertainty running through her. Was this really the right thing? Was she really supposed to mess with the timeline so extremely?
But, in the end, she could see no other answer. The granolith had sent her here for a reason. It had to be to change things. And she now knew that the only way to really change everything was to have Max on her side from the beginning. Because, most ironically of all, they had always worked better together.
She would tell him, and they would work together to make sure that they stayed apart. And, because of it, while she would lose him, she would no longer be so alone.
***
They were sitting on the ledge of the balcony, side-by-side, not looking at each other, certainly not touching, and she was no longer talking.
They sat in silence for a long time after Liz finished speaking. She could hear Zan breathing heavily, knew that he was still trying to absorb everything she had revealed. It had taken a long time to tell it all, but she had not stopped, had not allowed him to ask questions, had just [I]told[/I] him. And, now, she was pretty sure he was about to tell her that she was stark-raving mad. Which was fine. Because, in some ways, she was pretty sure that she was.
Finally, when she could handle it no longer, she asked tentatively, "Do you believe me?"
Zan let out his breath in a great woosh, as though he had been holding it. She glanced at him, could see that he was staring straight ahead, no expression on his face. "I don't know," he admitted eventually. "It sounds crazy."
"And you barely know me, so I could be crazy," Liz agreed.
"I know you're not crazy," Zan replied quickly. "I know you, Rowena." He paused, then modified. "I know you, [I]Liz[/I]."
She felt her heart skip a beat, when his dark eyes met hers. "So you do believe me?"
"I don't think you're crazy, so I guess I do," Zan replied simply. He looked away, his brow furrowed. "I suppose the fact that we've technically only met once before, and, yet, I feel like I've known you forever, has helped me to believe you. What I don't understand is why you seemed to think that keeping this secret was a good idea. I mean, it clearly hasn't been, up to this point."
"Which is why I told you, I guess," Liz replied. "Because you're right. So, you'll help me?"
He looked at her strangely. "Of course."
She felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and couldn't stop herself from reaching out and hugging him. "Thank you." She pulled back immediately, though, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. This is going to be harder than I thought."
"You're not kidding," Zan said. He took her hands in his. "Which is why we're going to forgo this whole stupid "we can't be together" angle."
Liz stared at him, quickly pulling her hands from his grasp. "What?" She stood, her relief quickly replaced by annoyance. "You said you were going to help me!"
"Did it work before?" Zan asked, far too archly for Liz's taste, mainly because he was right.
"That is [I]not[/I] the point."
Zan just looked at her, not replying. Finally he said quietly, "Do you not want to be with your Max?"
Liz stared at him, her mouth falling open slightly. The question so surprised her, she couldn't even formulate a response. Because, of [I]course[/I] she did. Which part of her story had made him even question that for a moment?
"Because based on what you just told me, that does seem to be your first answer, whenever something bad happens," Zan continued, sounding a little hurt now. "To break it off."
"That's not true!" Liz exclaimed. "It's the last thing I want to do - ever." But his words hit too close to home. She felt a pang of guilt, remembering that it had indeed been the first conclusion she had jumped to upon arriving here and learning that they could still change the Antarian system's future. Even Tess had seemed shocked by how quickly she had reached the decision that she and Max could not be together.
Why did she do that?
"What is it that makes you feel that you are not worthy to be with Max?" Zan asked, understanding her thoughts so completely, it made her start. But, then, in almost every way that counted, this was [I]Max[/I]. He might not remember being her boyfriend, but he was. The fact that he knew her so well, already, more than proved it.
"I don't know," she whispered.
"Is it because you truly blame yourself for the destruction others wreak because they are jealous?" Zan suggested. "Isn't that a bit arrogant, Liz? Because, even in if you want to, you can't control what others do. And you can't make yourself stop loving him just because someone wants you to." He smiled slightly. "Just like I cannot make myself stop loving Rowena, even though I barely know her."
Liz bit her lip. "Do you miss her?"
"She is with me," Zan replied. "You and she are the same."
"Why do you love her? If you barely know her, how can you be sure?"
He sighed. "I can't explain it. It was just something I knew when I saw her. She was meant for me."
"But [I]why?[/I]" Liz demanded. "Why are we so lucky?"
Zan tilted his head, examined her face for a long moment. "Is that it?" he finally asked. "Do you feel that what you feel must be uncertain, and that you are unworthy of it, because it is too easy? That it can't be true because you didn't have to work for it?"
"He loved me from the first moment he laid eyes on me," Liz said quietly, remembering how she had felt when Max first connected with her, when he had first shown her how he felt, way back after the shooting in the Crashdown. It was what had made her fall in love with him, after all. The way he felt about [I]her[/I] had opened her eyes to how wonderful he was, too.
Maybe that was why she felt unworthy, Liz reflected. Because she was beginning to realize that Zan was right. The reason she was constantly able to believe that she and Max were not meant to be together was because she didn't feel that she deserved him. The irony that she remembered telling Max, not twenty-four hours ago on their world, that he didn't have the exclusive right to worry about her because he had loved her longer, did not escape her. But, maybe, deep down, she had questioned her own right to that love. Because, after all, what had she [I]done[/I] to earn it?
"You don't have to do anything, Liz," Zan said. She looked up, realized that he was holding her hands in his again. She knew that he was practically reading her thoughts too, because Max had always been able to read her face. "It's just what is. You can't [I]make[/I] someone love you. They do or they don't. You also can't make someone [I]not[/I] love you. You can do a lot of destructive things to try, but if they really love you, they're not going to stop, whatever you do."
"I wish you remembered being Max," Liz said, feeling tears fill her eyes. "I miss him."
"Then we need to get you back to him," Zan replied simply. "Because, I must admit, I would like the chance to be with my Rowena, too. And, so that we can both have what we want, perhaps we can figure out a way to ensure that what you think is going to happen here, doesn't happen, without resorting to extremes? How does that sound?"
He gently cupped her face, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. Liz felt a lump enter her throat. He wasn't Max, and, yet, he was so like him, it was confusing. All she really wanted was for him to kiss her, but it also felt like a betrayal of the one she had left behind.
"It sounds wonderful," Liz admitted.
He lowered his head, so that their foreheads were touching. "Good."
She couldn't help herself. Tilting her head slightly, so that their lips were a mere breath apart, what happened next was unavoidable. "Max," she whispered.
Moments later, he was kissing her. Her hands came up, wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.
And, for the first time since she had realized where she was, Liz felt hope. They [I]could[/I] change this for the better. She knew it. As long as they worked together, they could do anything. He was right. The way they felt could not be wrong.
As the thought crossed her mind, Liz felt something shift within her. It was as though a door that had been closed into her soul flew open and, pulling back, she met Zan's eyes. And, somehow, she knew that it was not Zan anymore.
"Max?"
He smiled at her, the recognition on his face unmistakable. "Liz."
She smiled, too, her joy so complete, she wondered how she could have ever believed that she could live without this feeling. "I love you. I want you. I'm not giving you up again."
"Good," he replied. "Not that I ever doubted it. I knew you'd remember." He kissed her again.
"Is that why we're here?" Liz asked, after several moments. She laid her head on his shoulder, the fingers of her right hand playing with the hair near his ear. "Is this what the granolith is trying to teach us?"
"Maybe," he replied. "But I do think we're here to change things, too."
"Starting with ourselves," Liz said. "Have you been here the whole time?"
"Kind of," he said. "I can't really explain it. I was here, but I wasn't in control."
Liz pulled back, sighing. "So, I guess I was the one with the lesson to learn."
"Well, maybe," he conceded. "But you taught me mine, don't forget. That sometimes thinking we're being selfless means that we're being selfish. Because if you'd really decided to give me up, I would not have survived it again, Liz."
"I know," Liz replied. "I'm sorry."
"Just don't do it again." Max kissed her on the forehead. "Please." She could feel him trembling slightly under her, being as she was presently sitting on his lap, and it made her guilt even more pronounced. How awful must it have been for Max, to hear her tell him that they couldn't be together, and to be unable to do anything to stop her? But, then, in the end, there had been no real danger. Because, hadn't Zan, with his measured and convincing arguments, more than proven that he and Max were indeed the same person? Wasn't it why she had always been made to see that giving him up was always the wrong choice?
It made Liz shiver slightly, reflecting on how absolutely awful the world Future Max had left must have been. Because the Max she knew would never have decided that breaking them up would make the world - any world - a better place. They had to do everything in their power to make sure that Future Max's world - a world that could so change [I]any[/I] Max - never happened.
"I won't," Liz said firmly. "I promise." She hugged him tightly.
She was perfectly content to sit there forever, wrapped in Max's arms, but they were both jolted back to awareness by a loud blasting noise. In fact, it sounded very much like the engines of an airplane being ignited. Max and Liz both turned their heads in the direction from which it had come. Liz felt her eyes widen as she watched a small spaceship lift into the air from below them. It turned slowly, then picked up speed as it started its ascent into the atmosphere.
"We really are on another planet, aren't we?" she whispered. "I will never get used to that."
"Don't," Max replied grimly. "Because we're going home as soon as we get things straightened out here."
She looked back at him, studied his face. "Don't you want to stay here?" she asked tentatively. "Even a little? It's your home."
"Liz, it's not my home," Max told her. "Where you are is where I want to be, and I know that you don't want to be here. Earth is my home. Zan and Rowena belong here. We don't. The sooner we're done what we have to do, the better."
Liz smiled at him. "Well, then let's get started. You need to call a summit again. We need to get all the major players in one place and expose the shapeshifters."
"I guess that is the best way to go," Max replied. "Although I'm still not entirely sure that I'm going to trust Khivar." Liz could tell he was joking though, from the tone of his voice. After all, they had both experienced that connection when they had healed Kate. He knew that much of Will's bad behavior stemmed from his confusion, which had been as great as theirs. The Khivar they encountered here should still be fairly reasonable. He was likely going to be hurt, at first, by the fact that Rowena would not want to marry him, but Liz trusted that he would accept it. Just like she knew that the Zan she had met here had been Max at heart, she could not doubt that Khivar would be Will. She only had to reach him.
Things had to be different this time. Which meant no more lying, and no more secrets. This time they would tell Khivar the truth from the very beginning and they would trust him to deal with it. Sending Serena the last time had been wrong. Pretty much everything they had done last time had played right into the shapeshifters's plan. And the only way to make sure that didn't happen was to be up-front from the get-go.
Max gently set her on her feet, then stood. He looked down, shaking his head. "I'm glad Michael can't see me in this dress."
"It's not a dress, Max," Liz told him. "It's a royal robe."
He frowned. "It is?"
"Yes."
"It looks like a dress to me."
Liz tilted her head, examining him. "Well, at least you look like yourself. Tess thinks we both look short and grey." She frowned. "Wait a minute! How do I look to you?"
"Like Liz," Max replied.
"Odd," she said. "I thought that everyone looked human to me because of my gift. I guess not."
Max looked pensive. "That is weird." Finally, he shrugged. "Well, I guess if it's important, it will all make sense eventually."
"We can hope," Liz muttered, although at the rate they were getting answers, she was beginning to doubt it. She reached out and took his hand. "Let's go find Tess. She's going to be thrilled to see you."
"Do you know where you're going?" Max asked, several long minutes later. They were in one of the palace's many long corridors, and Liz was scowling at the tenth door that looked exactly like the one beside it.
"Of course," she snapped, although she could feel a dull flush beginning to rise in her cheeks. It was only now, when she had realized how stupid her decision to give up Max again had been, that she was beginning to understand just how distracting all that selflessness could be. She had been in the Valonian palace for almost two days now and still barely knew her way around. It was a little embarrassing to acknowledge that the last two days might have been better spent getting a bearing on her surroundings.
"Liz." She turned to look at Max. He was watching her, an affectionate expression on his face. "It's okay. We can just ask someone."
"Won't that seem a bit suspicious?" Liz demanded.
"Well, we're not going to get anywhere just wandering around," Max replied. "We look even more suspicious right now."
"Good point," Liz admitted. She smiled. "This is a complete nightmare."
"Not entirely," Max disagreed. He reached out and took her hand, bringing it to his lips. "At least here I can do things like this, in public, without looking totally weird."
"Very romantic," Liz replied, feeling it down to her toes. "And thank you for not letting me become morose."
"If I don't find the humour in it," Max replied, "I might start crying. I don't think that would be very king-like of me."
"Crown Prince-like," Liz corrected.
"Right." He frowned slightly, pulling her back in the direction from which they had just come. "Isn't my father supposed to die fairly soon?"
"I think so," Liz replied, feeling a knot form in her stomach. Max was right that it was a good idea to try and keep the situation light, but she couldn't entirely control her nerves. They were surrounded by enemies here. It was even more frightening because neither of them was supposed to be aware of it at the moment. One mistake and they might give themselves away, and they had no way of knowing how disastrous it might be for the shapeshifters to know that they were on to them. "We are running on a very short clock here," Liz said, her voice low. "Which is why I really, [I]really[/I] want to find Tess. Now."
"Well, then let's just find someone to take us to her," Max suggested. "Because, you're right."
"Your highness?"
Liz felt her heart leap into her throat. She whirled, felt Max doing the same beside her. Yorvin, her bodyguard, was standing several paces behind them. "How long have you been there?" she demanded, before she could stop herself. Because, based on his actions before, he could have been part of the wall for most of the past few hours. Listening, learning the truth about them. She dropped Max's hand quickly, but from the way the shapeshifter's eyes deliberately did not look towards the movement, she knew that he had seen anyway.
Yorvin also didn't answer her question, which only confirmed to Liz that he had heard too much. How stupid could they be, talking openly about things that no one but the two of them should know about? But Yorvin's expression remained impassive as he said, "I have a message from your sister."
"We were just searching for Serena," Max replied smoothly. "Where is she? She's not in her chamber."
"No," Yorvin agreed. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, your highness." He looked at Liz again, in a way that made her heart start to thump more quickly. Had something happened to Tess?
"What?" she whispered. "Is she all right?"
"I would assume so," Yorvin replied. "She was when she left the planet twenty minutes ago. That was the message I was to pass on."
"She left?" Liz asked, dumbfounded. "Why?"
Yorvin shrugged. "She said that you would know why."
Liz turned her head, met Max's eyes. He looked as perplexed as she felt. Why would Tess [I]leave[/I]? It made no sense.
"Where did she go?" Liz demanded again, more urgently this time.
"Her coordinates were set for Sardica," Yorvin replied. He was beginning to look mildly worried, but when Liz stared at him, she could tell it was an act. He knew far more than he was acknowledging.
And, abruptly, Liz understood. It all became so clear, she couldn't believe she had never realized it before. "Oh my God." She turned back to Max. "We're too late. It's all started."
"What? What's wrong?" Max asked, clearly still not understanding.
Liz glanced at Yorvin, knew that it was too late to continue to pretend that there wasn't something going on between them. And she didn't particularly care anymore, anyway. Because what Tess had done had screwed everything up to a degree that she wasn't entirely sure they could save the situation. She pulled Max away from the shapeshifter anyway. "She's gone to start things with Khivar," Liz explained in an undertone. "I told her that I was going to make you get together with her, and she's taken matters into her own hands, to make sure I don't have the chance."
"Are you sure?" Max demanded, obviously grasping the severity of the situation instantly.
"I'm sure she thought she was helping," Liz nodded, feeling helpless. "This is all my fault. How stupid could I be not to realize that she was going to do something like this?"
"How could you know?"
"She's [I]me[/I], Max. She's my sister, she's still Tess, but in a lot of ways, we think exactly the same. I never would have let [I]her[/I] give you up for me, and she's doing the same thing. She knows how I feel about you, now even more clearly because of the connection. She's not going to allow it. And, now, because we're both so completely predictable, we've set everything in motion again."
"If that's true, then we're not safe here anymore. They're going to send the clone Zan out there. As far as I know, they still don't have my DNA, but we can't let them get it." Max's tone was firm. "We're leaving. Tonight."
Liz glanced over her shoulder at Yorvin, who was watching them, but was making no effort to try to listen. It creeped her out even more than any blatant eavesdropping would have. Because it seemed that the shapeshifters didn't even feel the need to know what they were thinking, or saying. To them, both Zan and Rowena were so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, any connection they may have established was only one more step towards victory for them.
Which could only mean one thing. They already had what they needed.
"Max, I think it's too late," Liz whispered. "We need to find that lab. Now."
To be continued.
For one long moment, Liz allowed herself to feel the pure love that ran through her entire being whenever Max kissed her. She knew that this would be the last time, and she could not resist the sensation of her soul reaching out for his, knowing that its mate was within reach. She let herself stop thinking, let herself simply enjoy it.
But, when his lips left hers and started to trace a delicate path across her cheek, to her ear, then down her neck, she heard him whisper her name. Well, not [I]her[/I] name. Had he whispered her real name, she probably would not have snapped back to reality.
"Rowena."
Everything stopped in that instant. She remembered where she was, why this was wrong, and what she had to do. In the end, her brain won out over her heart, because there was no other choice.
Liz wrenched away from Max. She could no longer think of him as Zan. Not after what had just happened. Because, to her, this [I]was[/I] Max. He would always be Max, no matter who he thought he was. Whatever his name, whatever the planet, he was the one for her. He always had been, he always would be, and everyone they cared about would die because they could not stay away from each other.
Her heart was destined to be broken no matter which path she took, and the truth of it was suddenly too much. If she followed her heart's true wishes, and let Rowena be with Zan, then their family and friends would die - certainly in this lifetime, and very likely in the next one too, even if the event was still fourteen years in the future. If she didn't listen to her heart, then she would be lonely for the rest of her life. Future Max had told her that the future was unknown, that she might not end up alone, but she knew this was untrue. Because, if she couldn't have Max, there was no question of there being anyone else. She didn't [I]want[/I] anyone else.
Liz felt wrenching sobs begin to take hold of her body. She could no longer hold in the pain of it. How could something that had felt right, from the first moment he had ever touched her, be so wrong? How could two people be allowed to feel so much, when they were not meant to be, but were, in fact, doomed from the start? It just wasn't fair.
"Rowena?" He sounded tentative. She felt his hand on her shoulder, could hear the concern and confusion in his voice. She could sense that he wanted to comfort her, wanted to let him more than anything. But it could not be. And, for the first time, she truly understood what she had to do.
She had to tell him everything. Unless she did, he would continue to pursue her, would follow his heart, would not stop until she gave in again. Because wasn't that exactly what had happened last time? Future Max had insisted that his younger version could not be trusted to make the right decisions, that [I]she[/I] was the one who had to do it all alone. But Future Max had been wrong. The only way to break their bond irrevocably was for them to both know that it was necessary.
Liz trusted Zan - no, she trusted [I]Max[/I], her soulmate, hidden inside this stranger - to do the right thing. That future version of Max may not have trusted himself, but [I]she[/I] trusted him. He had never failed her before. He would not fail her now.
There was no other way.
Liz forced herself to take deep breaths, managed to slow her tears through sheer force of will. She realized that she had fallen to her knees during her momentary breakdown, and that Zan was kneeling beside her. His arm was around her, and her cheek was resting against the warmth of his neck. Closing her eyes briefly, she breathed him in for the last time, and then pulled away.
She could feel his eyes on her as she stood, but she did not meet his gaze. She made herself start to talk before she could change her mind again. "I'm not Rowena."
"What?"
Turning her head, Liz could see that he was still kneeling, and was staring up at her, looking so perplexed, it made her heart lurch. It reminded her of the time she had deliberately turned away from Max in the pod chamber, when they had first learned of his destiny. As she watched him, his expression changed to that of a man having his entire world taken away from him without any warning, and without any remorse.
She continued mercilessly. There was no choice. "I am not Rowena."
"I know you are," he said, frowning slightly. "I know [I]you[/I]."
"You don't," she replied without hesitation. "You don't know anything about me."
"I know what I feel," he insisted, finally climbing to his feet, much to Liz's relief. She didn't think she could have taken much more of that lost puppy dog expression. Now he was beginning to look angry, which would make this easier.
"What you feel for me is destructive," Liz told him. "You can't love me. If you do, this entire system will end up in chaos. It will begin with the devastation of the planet on which we're standing, and it will end with the annihilation of a planet far away from here. Our home and everyone we love in two separate lifetimes will suffer and die because of us. " Her voice cracked slightly, but she forced herself to raise her chin, made herself go on. "And I will not be responsible for it. I will not make [I]you[/I] responsible for it. Not again."
Liz raised her gaze to his. The eyes that she loved so well were staring at her, concern still visible, but dawning horror becoming clear to her as well. "What are you talking about?" he whispered, sounding afraid.
She pressed her lips together, uncertainty running through her. Was this really the right thing? Was she really supposed to mess with the timeline so extremely?
But, in the end, she could see no other answer. The granolith had sent her here for a reason. It had to be to change things. And she now knew that the only way to really change everything was to have Max on her side from the beginning. Because, most ironically of all, they had always worked better together.
She would tell him, and they would work together to make sure that they stayed apart. And, because of it, while she would lose him, she would no longer be so alone.
***
They were sitting on the ledge of the balcony, side-by-side, not looking at each other, certainly not touching, and she was no longer talking.
They sat in silence for a long time after Liz finished speaking. She could hear Zan breathing heavily, knew that he was still trying to absorb everything she had revealed. It had taken a long time to tell it all, but she had not stopped, had not allowed him to ask questions, had just [I]told[/I] him. And, now, she was pretty sure he was about to tell her that she was stark-raving mad. Which was fine. Because, in some ways, she was pretty sure that she was.
Finally, when she could handle it no longer, she asked tentatively, "Do you believe me?"
Zan let out his breath in a great woosh, as though he had been holding it. She glanced at him, could see that he was staring straight ahead, no expression on his face. "I don't know," he admitted eventually. "It sounds crazy."
"And you barely know me, so I could be crazy," Liz agreed.
"I know you're not crazy," Zan replied quickly. "I know you, Rowena." He paused, then modified. "I know you, [I]Liz[/I]."
She felt her heart skip a beat, when his dark eyes met hers. "So you do believe me?"
"I don't think you're crazy, so I guess I do," Zan replied simply. He looked away, his brow furrowed. "I suppose the fact that we've technically only met once before, and, yet, I feel like I've known you forever, has helped me to believe you. What I don't understand is why you seemed to think that keeping this secret was a good idea. I mean, it clearly hasn't been, up to this point."
"Which is why I told you, I guess," Liz replied. "Because you're right. So, you'll help me?"
He looked at her strangely. "Of course."
She felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and couldn't stop herself from reaching out and hugging him. "Thank you." She pulled back immediately, though, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. This is going to be harder than I thought."
"You're not kidding," Zan said. He took her hands in his. "Which is why we're going to forgo this whole stupid "we can't be together" angle."
Liz stared at him, quickly pulling her hands from his grasp. "What?" She stood, her relief quickly replaced by annoyance. "You said you were going to help me!"
"Did it work before?" Zan asked, far too archly for Liz's taste, mainly because he was right.
"That is [I]not[/I] the point."
Zan just looked at her, not replying. Finally he said quietly, "Do you not want to be with your Max?"
Liz stared at him, her mouth falling open slightly. The question so surprised her, she couldn't even formulate a response. Because, of [I]course[/I] she did. Which part of her story had made him even question that for a moment?
"Because based on what you just told me, that does seem to be your first answer, whenever something bad happens," Zan continued, sounding a little hurt now. "To break it off."
"That's not true!" Liz exclaimed. "It's the last thing I want to do - ever." But his words hit too close to home. She felt a pang of guilt, remembering that it had indeed been the first conclusion she had jumped to upon arriving here and learning that they could still change the Antarian system's future. Even Tess had seemed shocked by how quickly she had reached the decision that she and Max could not be together.
Why did she do that?
"What is it that makes you feel that you are not worthy to be with Max?" Zan asked, understanding her thoughts so completely, it made her start. But, then, in almost every way that counted, this was [I]Max[/I]. He might not remember being her boyfriend, but he was. The fact that he knew her so well, already, more than proved it.
"I don't know," she whispered.
"Is it because you truly blame yourself for the destruction others wreak because they are jealous?" Zan suggested. "Isn't that a bit arrogant, Liz? Because, even in if you want to, you can't control what others do. And you can't make yourself stop loving him just because someone wants you to." He smiled slightly. "Just like I cannot make myself stop loving Rowena, even though I barely know her."
Liz bit her lip. "Do you miss her?"
"She is with me," Zan replied. "You and she are the same."
"Why do you love her? If you barely know her, how can you be sure?"
He sighed. "I can't explain it. It was just something I knew when I saw her. She was meant for me."
"But [I]why?[/I]" Liz demanded. "Why are we so lucky?"
Zan tilted his head, examined her face for a long moment. "Is that it?" he finally asked. "Do you feel that what you feel must be uncertain, and that you are unworthy of it, because it is too easy? That it can't be true because you didn't have to work for it?"
"He loved me from the first moment he laid eyes on me," Liz said quietly, remembering how she had felt when Max first connected with her, when he had first shown her how he felt, way back after the shooting in the Crashdown. It was what had made her fall in love with him, after all. The way he felt about [I]her[/I] had opened her eyes to how wonderful he was, too.
Maybe that was why she felt unworthy, Liz reflected. Because she was beginning to realize that Zan was right. The reason she was constantly able to believe that she and Max were not meant to be together was because she didn't feel that she deserved him. The irony that she remembered telling Max, not twenty-four hours ago on their world, that he didn't have the exclusive right to worry about her because he had loved her longer, did not escape her. But, maybe, deep down, she had questioned her own right to that love. Because, after all, what had she [I]done[/I] to earn it?
"You don't have to do anything, Liz," Zan said. She looked up, realized that he was holding her hands in his again. She knew that he was practically reading her thoughts too, because Max had always been able to read her face. "It's just what is. You can't [I]make[/I] someone love you. They do or they don't. You also can't make someone [I]not[/I] love you. You can do a lot of destructive things to try, but if they really love you, they're not going to stop, whatever you do."
"I wish you remembered being Max," Liz said, feeling tears fill her eyes. "I miss him."
"Then we need to get you back to him," Zan replied simply. "Because, I must admit, I would like the chance to be with my Rowena, too. And, so that we can both have what we want, perhaps we can figure out a way to ensure that what you think is going to happen here, doesn't happen, without resorting to extremes? How does that sound?"
He gently cupped her face, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. Liz felt a lump enter her throat. He wasn't Max, and, yet, he was so like him, it was confusing. All she really wanted was for him to kiss her, but it also felt like a betrayal of the one she had left behind.
"It sounds wonderful," Liz admitted.
He lowered his head, so that their foreheads were touching. "Good."
She couldn't help herself. Tilting her head slightly, so that their lips were a mere breath apart, what happened next was unavoidable. "Max," she whispered.
Moments later, he was kissing her. Her hands came up, wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.
And, for the first time since she had realized where she was, Liz felt hope. They [I]could[/I] change this for the better. She knew it. As long as they worked together, they could do anything. He was right. The way they felt could not be wrong.
As the thought crossed her mind, Liz felt something shift within her. It was as though a door that had been closed into her soul flew open and, pulling back, she met Zan's eyes. And, somehow, she knew that it was not Zan anymore.
"Max?"
He smiled at her, the recognition on his face unmistakable. "Liz."
She smiled, too, her joy so complete, she wondered how she could have ever believed that she could live without this feeling. "I love you. I want you. I'm not giving you up again."
"Good," he replied. "Not that I ever doubted it. I knew you'd remember." He kissed her again.
"Is that why we're here?" Liz asked, after several moments. She laid her head on his shoulder, the fingers of her right hand playing with the hair near his ear. "Is this what the granolith is trying to teach us?"
"Maybe," he replied. "But I do think we're here to change things, too."
"Starting with ourselves," Liz said. "Have you been here the whole time?"
"Kind of," he said. "I can't really explain it. I was here, but I wasn't in control."
Liz pulled back, sighing. "So, I guess I was the one with the lesson to learn."
"Well, maybe," he conceded. "But you taught me mine, don't forget. That sometimes thinking we're being selfless means that we're being selfish. Because if you'd really decided to give me up, I would not have survived it again, Liz."
"I know," Liz replied. "I'm sorry."
"Just don't do it again." Max kissed her on the forehead. "Please." She could feel him trembling slightly under her, being as she was presently sitting on his lap, and it made her guilt even more pronounced. How awful must it have been for Max, to hear her tell him that they couldn't be together, and to be unable to do anything to stop her? But, then, in the end, there had been no real danger. Because, hadn't Zan, with his measured and convincing arguments, more than proven that he and Max were indeed the same person? Wasn't it why she had always been made to see that giving him up was always the wrong choice?
It made Liz shiver slightly, reflecting on how absolutely awful the world Future Max had left must have been. Because the Max she knew would never have decided that breaking them up would make the world - any world - a better place. They had to do everything in their power to make sure that Future Max's world - a world that could so change [I]any[/I] Max - never happened.
"I won't," Liz said firmly. "I promise." She hugged him tightly.
She was perfectly content to sit there forever, wrapped in Max's arms, but they were both jolted back to awareness by a loud blasting noise. In fact, it sounded very much like the engines of an airplane being ignited. Max and Liz both turned their heads in the direction from which it had come. Liz felt her eyes widen as she watched a small spaceship lift into the air from below them. It turned slowly, then picked up speed as it started its ascent into the atmosphere.
"We really are on another planet, aren't we?" she whispered. "I will never get used to that."
"Don't," Max replied grimly. "Because we're going home as soon as we get things straightened out here."
She looked back at him, studied his face. "Don't you want to stay here?" she asked tentatively. "Even a little? It's your home."
"Liz, it's not my home," Max told her. "Where you are is where I want to be, and I know that you don't want to be here. Earth is my home. Zan and Rowena belong here. We don't. The sooner we're done what we have to do, the better."
Liz smiled at him. "Well, then let's get started. You need to call a summit again. We need to get all the major players in one place and expose the shapeshifters."
"I guess that is the best way to go," Max replied. "Although I'm still not entirely sure that I'm going to trust Khivar." Liz could tell he was joking though, from the tone of his voice. After all, they had both experienced that connection when they had healed Kate. He knew that much of Will's bad behavior stemmed from his confusion, which had been as great as theirs. The Khivar they encountered here should still be fairly reasonable. He was likely going to be hurt, at first, by the fact that Rowena would not want to marry him, but Liz trusted that he would accept it. Just like she knew that the Zan she had met here had been Max at heart, she could not doubt that Khivar would be Will. She only had to reach him.
Things had to be different this time. Which meant no more lying, and no more secrets. This time they would tell Khivar the truth from the very beginning and they would trust him to deal with it. Sending Serena the last time had been wrong. Pretty much everything they had done last time had played right into the shapeshifters's plan. And the only way to make sure that didn't happen was to be up-front from the get-go.
Max gently set her on her feet, then stood. He looked down, shaking his head. "I'm glad Michael can't see me in this dress."
"It's not a dress, Max," Liz told him. "It's a royal robe."
He frowned. "It is?"
"Yes."
"It looks like a dress to me."
Liz tilted her head, examining him. "Well, at least you look like yourself. Tess thinks we both look short and grey." She frowned. "Wait a minute! How do I look to you?"
"Like Liz," Max replied.
"Odd," she said. "I thought that everyone looked human to me because of my gift. I guess not."
Max looked pensive. "That is weird." Finally, he shrugged. "Well, I guess if it's important, it will all make sense eventually."
"We can hope," Liz muttered, although at the rate they were getting answers, she was beginning to doubt it. She reached out and took his hand. "Let's go find Tess. She's going to be thrilled to see you."
"Do you know where you're going?" Max asked, several long minutes later. They were in one of the palace's many long corridors, and Liz was scowling at the tenth door that looked exactly like the one beside it.
"Of course," she snapped, although she could feel a dull flush beginning to rise in her cheeks. It was only now, when she had realized how stupid her decision to give up Max again had been, that she was beginning to understand just how distracting all that selflessness could be. She had been in the Valonian palace for almost two days now and still barely knew her way around. It was a little embarrassing to acknowledge that the last two days might have been better spent getting a bearing on her surroundings.
"Liz." She turned to look at Max. He was watching her, an affectionate expression on his face. "It's okay. We can just ask someone."
"Won't that seem a bit suspicious?" Liz demanded.
"Well, we're not going to get anywhere just wandering around," Max replied. "We look even more suspicious right now."
"Good point," Liz admitted. She smiled. "This is a complete nightmare."
"Not entirely," Max disagreed. He reached out and took her hand, bringing it to his lips. "At least here I can do things like this, in public, without looking totally weird."
"Very romantic," Liz replied, feeling it down to her toes. "And thank you for not letting me become morose."
"If I don't find the humour in it," Max replied, "I might start crying. I don't think that would be very king-like of me."
"Crown Prince-like," Liz corrected.
"Right." He frowned slightly, pulling her back in the direction from which they had just come. "Isn't my father supposed to die fairly soon?"
"I think so," Liz replied, feeling a knot form in her stomach. Max was right that it was a good idea to try and keep the situation light, but she couldn't entirely control her nerves. They were surrounded by enemies here. It was even more frightening because neither of them was supposed to be aware of it at the moment. One mistake and they might give themselves away, and they had no way of knowing how disastrous it might be for the shapeshifters to know that they were on to them. "We are running on a very short clock here," Liz said, her voice low. "Which is why I really, [I]really[/I] want to find Tess. Now."
"Well, then let's just find someone to take us to her," Max suggested. "Because, you're right."
"Your highness?"
Liz felt her heart leap into her throat. She whirled, felt Max doing the same beside her. Yorvin, her bodyguard, was standing several paces behind them. "How long have you been there?" she demanded, before she could stop herself. Because, based on his actions before, he could have been part of the wall for most of the past few hours. Listening, learning the truth about them. She dropped Max's hand quickly, but from the way the shapeshifter's eyes deliberately did not look towards the movement, she knew that he had seen anyway.
Yorvin also didn't answer her question, which only confirmed to Liz that he had heard too much. How stupid could they be, talking openly about things that no one but the two of them should know about? But Yorvin's expression remained impassive as he said, "I have a message from your sister."
"We were just searching for Serena," Max replied smoothly. "Where is she? She's not in her chamber."
"No," Yorvin agreed. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, your highness." He looked at Liz again, in a way that made her heart start to thump more quickly. Had something happened to Tess?
"What?" she whispered. "Is she all right?"
"I would assume so," Yorvin replied. "She was when she left the planet twenty minutes ago. That was the message I was to pass on."
"She left?" Liz asked, dumbfounded. "Why?"
Yorvin shrugged. "She said that you would know why."
Liz turned her head, met Max's eyes. He looked as perplexed as she felt. Why would Tess [I]leave[/I]? It made no sense.
"Where did she go?" Liz demanded again, more urgently this time.
"Her coordinates were set for Sardica," Yorvin replied. He was beginning to look mildly worried, but when Liz stared at him, she could tell it was an act. He knew far more than he was acknowledging.
And, abruptly, Liz understood. It all became so clear, she couldn't believe she had never realized it before. "Oh my God." She turned back to Max. "We're too late. It's all started."
"What? What's wrong?" Max asked, clearly still not understanding.
Liz glanced at Yorvin, knew that it was too late to continue to pretend that there wasn't something going on between them. And she didn't particularly care anymore, anyway. Because what Tess had done had screwed everything up to a degree that she wasn't entirely sure they could save the situation. She pulled Max away from the shapeshifter anyway. "She's gone to start things with Khivar," Liz explained in an undertone. "I told her that I was going to make you get together with her, and she's taken matters into her own hands, to make sure I don't have the chance."
"Are you sure?" Max demanded, obviously grasping the severity of the situation instantly.
"I'm sure she thought she was helping," Liz nodded, feeling helpless. "This is all my fault. How stupid could I be not to realize that she was going to do something like this?"
"How could you know?"
"She's [I]me[/I], Max. She's my sister, she's still Tess, but in a lot of ways, we think exactly the same. I never would have let [I]her[/I] give you up for me, and she's doing the same thing. She knows how I feel about you, now even more clearly because of the connection. She's not going to allow it. And, now, because we're both so completely predictable, we've set everything in motion again."
"If that's true, then we're not safe here anymore. They're going to send the clone Zan out there. As far as I know, they still don't have my DNA, but we can't let them get it." Max's tone was firm. "We're leaving. Tonight."
Liz glanced over her shoulder at Yorvin, who was watching them, but was making no effort to try to listen. It creeped her out even more than any blatant eavesdropping would have. Because it seemed that the shapeshifters didn't even feel the need to know what they were thinking, or saying. To them, both Zan and Rowena were so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, any connection they may have established was only one more step towards victory for them.
Which could only mean one thing. They already had what they needed.
"Max, I think it's too late," Liz whispered. "We need to find that lab. Now."
To be continued.