"You take Harper to med-deck," Dylan told Beka as they excited the Maru, "And I'll go check in on Tyr on Command. I'll meet you there in a bit and see how things are going."
"See how things are going?" Harper's voice wailed from Beka's backpack. "I'm two inches tall and green! You'd think that would constitute an emergency worthy of your presence and at least ten minutes of your time!"
"Oh Harper, just shut up!" Beka growled, extremely tired of listening to him gripe. "Another complaint out of you and I'll tell Rommie to cook 'les cuisses de grenouilles' for dinner!"
"Le curses de what?"
"Frog legs, Harper."
The backpack gulped.
"Beka!" Trance squealed happily as Beka entered med-deck. The purple girl set down the watering can she was using to give Charlie the Cactus a drink and gave an excited little jump, waving her tail. "I'm so excited you're back! It's been so quiet around here without you and Harper and I was getting so bored. I tried to get Tyr to play games with me, but he just growled and was all moody and stuff. He's really no fun at all..." She trailed off and her face fell. "Where's Harper? He said he'd come meet Charlie when he got back."
"Trance," Beka said gently, putting an arm around the girl and steering her toward one of the examining beds, "there's been a little accident. Down on the planet. You see Harper, he sorta –"
"Oh no!" Trance's eyes filled up with tears. "Something happened didn't it? I knew Harper shouldn't have gone! I told him that, but he wouldn't listen to me! Is he okay? Where is he? What happened?"
"Trance, calm down; he's right here. We just need to…um…fix him a bit."
Trance looked around, trying to find the Harper Beka was talking about that she couldn't see.
"Is he invisible?"
"Not quite," Beka muttered, setting her pack on the bed and reaching inside. Her hand came back out and in it was a small, green frog.
"Oh, Beka! He's so cute!" Trance gushed, forgetting about Harper for a moment. "Did you get him for me? I've always wanted a pet! Oh, can I touch him? Please?"
"UGH! Stop!" the frog said.
Trance blinked. "A talking frog? How did you make him sound like Harper?"
"Easily, seeing as this is Harper," Beka replied wearily.
"Hey, can we stop talking about the frog like the frog isn't here?" Harper whined.
Trance blinked again and then her face changed to a look of intense concern. She crouched right down level with the green lump on her med-bed. "Oh, Harper! Are you okay? Does it hurt?" the purple girl asked, her eyes wide.
"No, I'm not okay! I'm a freakin' frog! Now can we skip the twenty questions and do something about it!" Harper was getting really, really, really tired of this.
She stood up and turned to Beka. "He's kinda grumpy, isn't he?" she scowled.
"He's been like that all day," Beka agreed.
"You know, it's not very nice to say rude things to the people who are trying to help you, Harper. I was only trying to be nice and you owe me an apology. I don't think I'll do anything for you until you say you're sorry." She crossed her arms in a purple pout.
"Trance!" Harper wailed. "Come on! Please?"
The shook her head, butterflies bouncing in her multi-colored curls. "Nope."
The frog hopped a little on the bed, eyes closed in resignation. "Okay, fine," he finally mumbled. It's not like his day could get any more humiliating. "I'm really, really sorry I was mean to you and yelled at you."
Trance brightened immediately. "You are? Oh Harper, that's so sweet of you!" She patted the frog affectionately on his slimy head.
"Okay, so now can we go on with the fixing the Harper part?" Harper pleaded. He was starting to get hungry and he didn't want to think about having lunch as a frog…
"Of course," Trance smiled. She placed Charlie the Cactus on the bed next to Harper, 'to keep him company,' and went off to the consol to search for ideas and get Andromeda's help. Beka followed to watch over her shoulder and make less-than-useful suggestions.
"Hey there," Harper mumbled to Charlie after a moment. He felt very small and very helpless and very green as he sat on the med-bed that was sky-scraper high for him now. "What you in for?"
Charlie didn't answer.
"Not big on conversation are ya."
Charlie didn't move a spine.
Harper sighed.
"Well, now, it looks like the fairy tale Dylan spun for me on Command is true," a deep voice purred from the doorway. Harper hopped around to see Tyr leaning casually, his arms crossed. "Boy, what trouble have you caused this time?"
"Oh just boil me now…" Harper pleaded.
"Don't tempt me, child."
Tyr stepped up to the med-bed. Harper hopped back as far as he could. It was terrifying how big the Nietzschean was like this! It gave the phrase 'mountain of a man' a whole new meaning. He tried to hold onto his tattered pride.
"Look, Tyr," he squeaked, "it's been a really bad day and I honestly don't need to deal with any crap from you, too. Besides, I shudder to think what you would have ended up as if you'd run into a witch."
"I would have stayed how I am and the witch would have ended up dead."
"True," Harper conceded. "Good point."
Tyr put one hand on either side of Harper's little, green body and leaned down toward him. He grinned ferally. Harper gulped.
"I could squash you with one hand, little frog, and no one would ever know…"
"Tyr, we are not cleaning up frog guts from the med-beds so just leave Harper alone," Beka called back over her shoulder.
Somehow, Harper still didn't feel very safe.
(Three hours later)
"There has to be something else we can try!" Trance cried, shoving the flexi's away in frustration.
"What about x-rays?" Dylan suggested.
"Nope tried that," Rommie replied. "Along with radiation, temperature spikes, electro-shock therapy, and acupuncture," she ticked off on her fingers.
Dylan looked at Hopper…Harper and thought he looked a little sick and loopy, for a frog.
"We've also tried," Rommie continued, "antibiotics, nanobots, herbal remedies, chemical bathes, milk bathes, bubble bathes, fish paste, toothpaste, Tibetian prayer rituals, Wayist songs, incantations…" She trailed off and shrugged hopelessly.
"Harper, how do you feel about amphibians?" Rev asked carefully.
Harper the frog let out what sounded like a small sob. He was too worn out to do anything else.
"We can't give up!" Trance cried. "There has to be something else we can do!"
"We could eat him," Tyr suggested from the wall where he stood back from the little group, observing them with something akin to amusement.
They ignored him.
"We're gonna have to go back to the source," Beka declared suddenly. "She did this to him, she can undo it. We'll just have to find her and make her fix it."
Harper was horrified! Go back? He never wanted to see her, her cave, her bubbling pot, or her warts again!
"No!" he croaked. "I don't wanna go back there! I'd rather be green and slimy for the rest of my life than spend it as a potted plant!"
The rest of the crew weren't quite sure what Harper was talking about, but decided he must be high on cactus fumes and it would be best to overlook it.
"I don't see that we have a lot of choice, Harper," Dylan said. "Nothing we've tried has worked and I can't really have a frog as an engineer." He turned to Beka, "Have the Maru prepped and ready at 07:00 in the morning. Tyr, Beka, Rommie, you're all with me. Maybe you'd better come too, Rev. We're gonna go down in force this time and…"
Trance stopped listening after a second as Dylan kept spouting orders because a thought had suddenly come to her. "Um guys?" she said quietly but no one paid her any attention. "I have an idea…" Still, they didn't hear. She gave up trying to get their attention. As the others argued and worked out the details of their little plan, Trance moved next to Harper, forgotten by all of them.
"Well, here goes nothing," she whispered. She scrunched up her eyes tightly, puckered her lips, and leaned in closer.
"Um, Trance, what are you – mphf?"
The frog's question was swallowed up as Trance kissed him right on his cold little slimy lips.
POOF!
"Ouuuch!"
"Ew, Harper!"
Trance and Harper's squeals stopped the others' conversation dead and they turned around to find a very human, very red-faced, very naked Harper trying to hide behind the med-bed while Trance covered her eyes tightly.
"Harper, you're back!" Beka gushed while Dylan and Rommie look shocked and Tyr hid a grin. Harper ducked so all they could see of him was his spiky hair poking over the top of the bed.
Rev calmly stepped forward and offered the hair a spare sheet. A mumbled "thanks" floated back followed by another drawn out "ouuuuch!"
"Harper!" Trance suddenly blurted, opening her eyes. "You squished Charlie!" She ran to her beloved plant and cradled the pot to her chest, glaring at him accusingly.
"I know!" Harper wailed, standing up in his sheet-toga.
"How did you fix him?" Dylan interrupted the argument.
"Oh, that was easy," Trance said, still distracted by her plant. "I just remembered that in all the old stories, when a person gets changed into a frog, it takes a kiss from a princess to turn them back. And since Harper sometimes calls me his Purple Princess I just figured…" she shrugged.
"Aw, Trance," Harper gushed, still rubbing his sore behind. "You're the best! I'd have gone green a long time ago if I knew this was the response. How 'bout another, for the road?" he waggled his eyebrows at her and turned up his cheek.
Trance grimaced and hugged Charlie the Smashed Cactus closer. "Excuse me," she said sweeping through them toward the door, "I gotta go brush my teeth now." She left with her nose in the air.
"But…but…aw, Trance. Come back. I didn't mean to!" Harper called dejectedly. "Besides, you gotta take all these cactus spikes out! Trance!"
"Glad to have you back, Shorty," Beka said with a grin. She and Rommie left holding back giggles. It wouldn't do to giggle in front of the guys.
"I expect you back on duty in five hours, Mr. Hopper…er, Harper," Dylan said and left quickly as his face turned red. Rev followed and Harper thought he might have been laugh as well, but it was hard to tell with all those teeth and that fur.
"Wait guys! What about me? Where are my clothes? What about these…" He trailed off as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.
"Hello, little man."
Harper gulped and decided there were worse things than being a frog. And scarier things that that witch!
"WAIT UP GUYS!" he cried and rushed from the room, his sheet billowing behind him.
THE END