A Disclaimer Gone Awry
A little something for all you people who have the hardest time getting ownership for your favorite shows and characters.
Disclaimer: The fanfic starts NOW…
One day in a happy place in a world that clearly doesn't exist but we like to think it does anyway, every important character from Fruits Basket was sitting outside having a nice picnic. By important characters I meant all the juunin- whatever except Rin, Akito, and Tohru. No one else, got it? Now, whilst they were being happy, a teenage guy with a backwards cap came up to them smirking,
"Hello." The Guy said.
"Hey, Hey. Yeah, Yeah. Whatever. Who the hell are you?" Kyou asked in his oh-so nice way.
"Me? I'm Kaza! And I would like to ask something of you."
That question unnerved everyone, because you see, Kaza did not radiate 'innocence', and 'trustworthy'. Oh no, he radiated 'death', destruction', and 'Yaoi Lover'. Since Kyou was too afraid to ask what Kaza wanted, Yuki asked. Oh glorious day indeed.
"What do you want to ask of us, Kaza-san?"
"Oh a little nothing hard, just a the rights to Fruits Basket and its characters. You know, simple stuff."
Yuki took one step back like the wise man he was and did not want to give the rights to Fruits Basket to this madman.
"Fine, if you won't give me your rights, at least take some dance lessons from me and my good conscience, Kazuma."
Shigure, believe it or not, enjoyed dancing very much, and wanted the dance lessons.
"Lets take the dance lessons, nothing bad can come out of that, can it?"
Everyone was thinking about the dance lessons and mumbling how they wanted to do them. Akito of course heard them and wanted their lives to be a living hell.
"No! I said no dance lessons!" Akito screamed like a child.
"But Akito, no one wants the dance lessons, we hate dancing and never ever want to dance." Shigure said cutely. Akito pondered this for a while and decided to make everyone's life a living hell again.
"Give us the dance lessons!" Akito bellowed proudly.
"Alright! Kazuma! They agreed to they dance lessons!" Kaza yelled towards the way he came from. Seconds later, a guy with light red hair and the GAYEST looking leotard anyone has ever been alive long enough to see, popped out of nowhere really.
"This is Kazuma. He will be your dance teacher for today."
"Oh aren't you just the most delicious little stud muffins I have ever seen! Okay everyone, lets start dancing!"
As if on cue, a boom box began playing some nice techno beat music that people couldn't help but move some part of their body to. And then they began copying the provocative dance moves that Kazuma were teaching them.
"Uh-huh. Shake that little bottom! And shake it! And shake it! Oh yeah!" Kazuma was still teaching them how to dance.
"Yes Yuki, shake what our mother gave you!" Ayame said to Yuki over the music. And I don't think Ayame will be able to see out his left eye for a while. While everyone was dancing for twenty minutes, Kaza pulled out a packet of papers and gave them to Kazuma whispering in his ear. Kazuma nodded his head and went up to his 'students'.
"Okay cupcakes! New dance alright? Lets start!" Kazuma pulled out the packet of papers and gave everyone a pen.
"Okay everybody shake those pens! Shake them! Shake them! And get ready!" Kazuma shook the pens and put the tip that had the inky part on the paper.
"Okay, sign here. And here. And here, and here. Initials here. And here. And here. And sign on the dot-ted line! C'mon everyone! You can do it! Just move that pen! Move it, uh-huh!"
Everyone except Hatori was doing the 'dance' because the music was extremely catchy and Kazuma was making it seem very nice. Kaza was smirking evilly while nodding his head to the music.
"Keep signing! Right here. And here. And here, and here, and here! Alrighty, we're almost done here!" Kazuma turned more pages and they signed some more. Hatori just shook his head and mumbled 'idiots'.
"Okay! And now we are done! And you just gave Kaza and me all the rights to Fruits Basket and its characters except for Kyou and Hatori! Neither of them signed, so they're free from our grasp! Now you can just march your precious little bottoms into your dressing rooms!" Kazuma sang like a gay man, which he is.
Kaza laughed like a madman and had a slightly crazed look on his face. Okay, scratch that, he looked like a escaped mental patient. Lying isn't fun.
"Okay friends! I hope you all are prepared for a YAOI-FEST! And Tohru-death probably…But let's not let that worry us, m'kay? The only way you can get out of this is if one of the people who did not sign the hell-born contract. Hatori? Kyou? Would you like to help the family that scorned you so much and made you feel like a big loser? Do you?" Kaza was using his own style of reversed-psychology, and it was slightly working.
"You're right, why would I want to help a bunch of bastards who never really acknowledged my presence anyway? I will defeat Yuki and gain my place as a true member of this hellhole- I mean family!" Kyou began ranting about nothing really and Hatori decided to speak up.
"What'll happen if we do not free the idiots and allow you and Fruity-Tooty over there to take over the manga and anime series?" Hatori asked cautiously.
"Simple. It'll be a Yaoi-Lovers dream come true! And people who hate Tohru will be jumping for joy. Is that okay?" Kaza asked nicely, which was the complete opposite of what he was. Hatori had a thoughtful look on his face and then smiled happily.
"Okay, you can keep the morons, under one condition…I get part of the ownership too." Hatori held out his hand for Kaza.
"Deal!" Kaza shook his hand and they both looked towards their newly obtained characters. Kaza's crazed look came rushing back and Hatori smirked deviously. Kazuma came next to them and his eyes went to a grayish color.
"Well cupcakes, time for us to redo the series, ne?"
XxXxXxXx
END
This is one of the more easy ways to gain ownership of your favorite characters. Anyone can pull it off, all you need is some sort of magical way for you to be transported to the anime world. I have a gun, and while watching Fruits Basket, I hold the gun to my television and blast a giant hole in it, and then I skip inside.
And I feel weird not doing this, so here it goes:
The REAL Disclaimer: I don't, won't, and can't own Fruits Basket. So Yaoi-Lovers, I'm sorry. Really. Blame the Los Angeles Mental Hospital and it's extremely low security level, making my escape (or rather, just walking out the front door) easy.
Well, I'll see ya or whatever.