Part 54
Liz felt her heart stop beating when Max's eyes rolled up into his head. It was obvious that he had passed out due to lack of air. She had been frantically working at removing the Zan clone's fingers from around her boyfriend's neck, but once Max stopped struggling it became even more impossible. The clone's grip was like iron.
There was only one thing left to do. She didn't want to trust anyone here - in fact, she knew very well she couldn't - but she had no choice. She ran out of the lab, into the long white hallway, and started screaming.
"Help! Yorvin! Someone, anyone! Please, help!"
She rushed back into the lab. The clone had, by now, emerged from the pod. He had finally released Max, who was crumpled on the floor at his double's feet. Liz remained frozen where she was, uncertain how to proceed. The clone stared at her, as though curious to see what she would do.
There was only one thing she could do. She needed to save Max. She couldn't even bear to reflect on what she would do if it was too late. This was all her fault! Max was right. They should have destroyed the clone as soon as they laid eyes on him.
Liz felt tears fill her eyes as she hurried to Max's side, dropping to her knees beside him. She brushed them away impatiently. There was no time! She pushed him onto his back, preparing to administer CPR, when she realized that his chest was moving. It was rising and falling steadily. The relief that ran through her was so great, she sagged against him.
"Max." She shook him. "Max, wake up!" She knew that she should be keeping an eye on what the clone was doing, but she couldn't concentrate. She needed Max to wake up. She had to know that he was all right. When she glanced at the clone briefly, he didn't seem in any hurry to go anywhere, or to do anything. He just continued to watch her, his light brown eyes so like Max's, it creeped her out.
She returned her attention to Max. She shook him again, more firmly, then placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Max, please wake up," she whispered.
Liz had never felt so alone. Tess was gone, and now so was Max. She didn't understand anything that had happened so far. It was becoming ever more clear that entering the granolith had been a mistake. They weren't prepared for what they had been forced to confront here. They still weren't even sure about what they were supposed to be doing. Were they supposed to be changing things, or were they supposed to be learning, so that when the returned to Earth, they could come back here and fix things?
She knew nothing. She knew nothing except that she needed Max to wake up immediately. She repeated, more firmly, "Max, wake up!" She wondered if maybe CPR was what was needed after all. She knew the proper technique, of course, but was so panicked, she didn't take the time to think about what she was doing or prepare him. Instead, she simply pressed her lips against his.
He responded instantly. His lips moved under hers. He was returning the kiss! He was waking up!
It was her last clear thought before the flashes came.
"I can't go with you," Rowena said.
"I know." Zan had his back to her. He was standing on what was left of the main palace's balcony, surveying the destruction below.
Rath had brought them back to Valonia's capital earlier that day, in preparation to leave the planet. The plan was to head directly for the Council of Five Planets on Antar, in order to prove that the Zan presently wreaking destruction on the system was not the real Zan. After that, they would go to Sardica. Rath had informed Zan that the only way to bring the shapeshifters and the Zan clone to justice was to marshal the Sardican and Antarian forces into one grand army. And the only way to do this was to end the division between Zan and Khivar. Plus, they needed to expose Serena.
Originally, they had all agreed that Rowena should accompany them, because Rath was sure that Khivar would only accept Serena's duplicity if he saw the real Rowena. According to Karana, with whom Rath was still in secret contact, Khivar was nothing but pleased by the "Rowena" he had married, who seemed to love him in a way she had never done before. He would not be easy to convince.
But, Rowena knew that, at least for now, she could not leave Valonia. She was needed here. She felt tears fill her eyes as her gaze passed over what was left of her father's city.
No. It was no longer her father's city. It was her city. Her father had been killed in the first assault on the capital. She was now queen. The people suffering all over the surface of the planet were her people. She could not abandon them.
Although she knew what was right, in some ways she was torn. She was perhaps the only one who would be able to get through to Serena. She might be the only one to break the shapeshifters' hold over her mind. She had almost done it once, after all. But, she also knew that, morally, she could not leave.
She did not want to leave. For the first time, her duty was clear to her. She was through with selfishness. Rath and Zan could just as easily bring Serena and Khivar to her.
Because, she knew, without a doubt, that Zan would return to her.
"It's all right," Zan was saying now, as he brought an arm up and around her shoulders. She leaned into him, and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "I would want to stay too."
"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered, feeling tears fill her eyes. Although they had been imprisoned, their time in that cell had not been all horrible. Not at all. In so many ways, it had been an idyll, one that they would never have again. Although they loved each other, they were leaders first and foremost. They owed their loyalty to their people first.
"I will come back for you. We will be together. I swear it."
"I will wait for you forever."
But Rowena knew that none of it would be that simple. There was still Khivar to consider. He was going to be seriously affected by the news that she no longer wanted to marry him. Not only that, but he was going to be furious when he found out that he had been duped. They had no way of knowing that any of this would work out as Rath hoped.
Rath saw things in black and white. It was rare for him to understand the shades of grey often created by emotions. It was not said, but, in their hearts, Rowena and Zan both knew that, to bring peace to their galaxy, they might be forced to give each other up. In exchange for the well-being of their people, the peace of their souls might be the ultimate sacrifice.
She decided that, until that day came though, she would pretend, just as he was pretending. Because, if she didn't, she did not know if she could go on. Now that she knew what it was to be complete, she needed him in a way that was almost frightening. She did not know if she could do any of this without him. And, yet, in the end, she might have to. The weeks they had spent together might be the only ones they ever had.
It wasn't enough! It wasn't nearly enough.
When he kissed her good-bye, she knew that he felt the same way. He was trembling in a way that made her fear for him. In that last moment, she allowed herself to cling to him. She allowed herself one moment of weakness.
"I love you," he whispered into her ear, sending an intense shiver of longing through her body. It was the first time he had said the words, openly acknowledging what they had both known to be true from the moment they first laid eyes on each other.
"I love you," she replied. And, finally, she took strength from it. Even if they were never together again, they both knew what they were to each other. What they would always be.
It would be enough.
She watched Zan's ship lift off into the falling darkness. She stared after it until it was merely a pinprick of light against the black sky.
Then she straightened her spine and went to do her duty.
When Liz opened her eyes, she was no longer in the lab. Glancing around, she found herself staring at four blank walls. There was no door in sight. She chose not to question it, at least not immediately.
For now, she was relieved to discover Max beside her, still asleep. Or at least she hoped he was asleep. It was quite clear to her that she had not been. She had become Rowena for a while there. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but there was no question that she had no longer been herself.
Rowena's thoughts and memories filled her mind. Liz felt a pang of fear and, yet, hope, as she remembered watching Zan's ship leave Valonia. It had been revelatory to finally fully understand who her past-life alter-ego had been.
Rowena of Valonia had been a very lonely girl, thrust into a position of authority she didn't necessarily want, but one she had taken very seriously. There was only one person in whom she had found understanding. And, even though he had left her, knowing that he existed had been enough to help Rowena accept the responsibility that was hers.
Liz wondered if Zan and Rowena had ever been reunited. Or had they both died, never having laid eyes on each other again? Had one died before the other? Had the other known that their soul mate would never return?
But, in the end, Liz reminded herself, they had been reunited. In different forms, on a different planet, but, in spite of all the odds against it, and all the confusion trying to stop it, Zan and Rowena had found each other again.
Liz shook Max gently, hoping that this time he would wake up. His eyelashes fluttered briefly, but he did not move. By now, Liz had figured out that he too was reliving his past life as Zan. He was not yet ready to come back to her. And, until he did, she knew that she wasn't going to be able to figure out any of this.
They were a team, a partnership. They had made too many mistakes by excluding each other from the decision-making, in order to protect each other. This time, she would be patient. She would wait for him.
Liz lay down on the pallet next to Max, curling into him, and wrapping her arms around him. She laid her head on his chest, enjoying the steady beat of his heart.
Several minutes later, Max's heartbeat increased in pace, and Liz somehow knew that, in his memories, he was nearing the end.
"I have bad news," Rath said. He entered Zan's quarters on the flag-ship, a print-out in his hands.
Zan, who had been attempting to contact Vilandra with the communicator orb to which only the two of them knew the code, glanced up impatiently. "What?"
"It's all over the newsnet's," Rath replied, not at all put off by Zan's tone. "Rowena has been captured by 'Zan's' forces."
Zan stared at Rath in disbelief. "Please..." He couldn't finish the plea. The mere thought that anything had happened to Rowena...He couldn't even grasp it. Why had the Zan clone gone back to Valonia? At this point, he should have had no idea that the real Zan had again emerged. They were keeping it quiet until they reached Antar. The last thing they wanted was for his clone to catch them before they made it to the Council.
Rath understood what he was pleading to know, and said quickly, "It's not the real one. Apparently Khivar's wife went to parlay for peace, and your double broke all the rules of warfare and took her prisoner. But it's why you can't reach Vilandra. My sources in Khivar's palace tell me that she, Jondar, and Karana have gone after Rowena."
"So, you are sure?" Zan demanded. "He has Serena, not Rowena?"
"Yes," Rath assured him. "I just spoke to the captain we left on Valonia with Ro. She is fine."
"You've had no luck with contacting Vi either?" Zan asked.
"We haven't spoken in months," Rath replied bitterly. "She certainly won't return my communication attempts now. She thinks I'm insane."
Zan lowered his gaze, sighing. He knew that Rath had been hurt by Vilandra's defection to Khivar's side. While Zan was not pleased about it either, he understood a bit better. Vilandra had always been impulsive. She never thought things through, plus she had the connection to Karana that Rath did not. It still hurt that she believed him capable of what had happened on Valonia, but he could not blame his sister for turning on him. She was good-hearted and would have been horrified by the actions of his clone.
"I don't think it's safe to go to Sardica without Karana there. She would know you, Zan, but Khivar won't. He won't believe there are two of you." Rath started to pace. He sounded beyond frustrated. Zan was aware that his friend wanted to return to the status quo as quickly as possible. Rath hated change.
"He will have to accept it if the Council does," Zan argued. "I think we should proceed as we've planned. Until I have re-established my position, any other move we make will be suspect."
"I am beginning to wonder if the Council will even hear our case," Rath told him, shaking his head. "My sources there are not encouraging. Sardica has already turned down my request for an appearance. I'm sure Wendar will. They don't want anyone to know that your double is an impostor. Rowena will, of course, allow it for Valonia, but that's only if she is accepted as legitimate. Her captured sister is presently considered to be the queen. And Antar is firmly under the clone's control, although our representatives on the council will certainly recognize you. You, after all, bear the seal. It is unlikely that Serena knew about it when she cloned it. Only the Antarians are aware of its existence."
After this long speech about the current balance of power in the system, Rath sighed wearily, collapsing into a chair. Zan knew that Rath hated politics as much as he hated change. It galled Rath that he had to go to the Council at all. He would far prefer to take his army and blast the clone out of the sky. But, unless they had Sardica's Sky Army at their disposal, they would be unable to defeat the Zan clone's forces. And, so, politics and the legitimization of the real Zan had to come first.
They both knew this. There was no disputing it. But Zan could tell that Rath had something more to say. He seemed wary to proceed.
"What?" Zan demanded.
Rath locked eyes with him. "Zan, we need Knosis. There is only one way to secure their loyalty."
Zan clenched his jaw. "No." He had been against the marriage with Ava of Knosis even before he'd known Rowena. Now he knew that he had been waiting to find Rowena. And, now, it was even more of an impossibility.
"Zan, you've both agreed that she may need to marry Khivar once her sister's scheme is exposed. How is this any different?" Rath argued.
"No such agreement was ever made," Zan retorted. "I am the high king. I will marry where I will. And I choose Rowena. Khivar will have no say in the matter."
"Zan, be serious. You know that Khivar will never accept that. You will never secure an alliance with him if you don't allow him to make the decision about Rowena's marriage. He may very well reject her, once he knows that you want her, but you have to allow him that right. You need him."
"How can I do that?" Zan demanded. "I refuse to force her into a marriage she does not want."
"Rowena is practical, Zan. She knows very well that things may not work out between the two of you." Rath lowered his voice, forgoing his usual gruffness in an attempt to prove that while he understood Zan's reluctance, there was no choice. "Brother, you must accept this."
"I will not marry Ava," Zan snapped. "Drop it."
Rath stood abruptly, his anger clear. "Then you will never regain your throne, highness. If you do not secure Knosis, our cause is doomed. And if you do not do your duty, then, my brother, I can no longer serve you."
And, with that, Rath turned on his heel and stalked out.