Part 64
After Grant's revelation that Max might never wake up, Liz had flown back to his side. She was half hysterical, absolutely determined that she was going to bring him back to her. She shook him, poked him, screamed at him. But nothing made any difference.
When she finally exhausted herself, she became aware of the fact that Tess and Isabel were in the room with her.
She crumbled in her sister's arms. "What are we going to do?" she sobbed. "We can't…we can't do any of this without him."
"You have to believe, Liz," Tess said softly. "You have to believe that the granolith brought us here for a reason, and that it will all work out."
Liz pulled back. "How can I?" she demanded. "Every single thing that happens seems designed to tear Max and I apart. How long can I be expected to believe?"
"As long as it takes. Because you love him," Tess replied. "And that fact always brings you back to each other. In spite of everything…in spite of the crash, in spite of every thing people, including me, have done to keep you apart, you always find your way back to each other. How can you believe any less now?"
Liz closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Her thoughts were in turmoil, but as Tess continued to stroke her hand, calming her down, she had a revelation. "I do," she finally whispered in amazement. "I do believe it."
In that moment, she understood exactly why Future Max and Liz had chosen i I Shall Believe /i as their wedding song. Because it defined them. It defined Max and Liz - the belief that they would always find their way back to each other.
It had been a gift from those future versions of themselves, that song. A gift to remind her that even at the end of the world, they had believed in each other. That they would do anything to be together. Including tear themselves apart.
Because, here she was now, with not only Max, who lived, even if he was not awake, but also her sister, Tess - a sister she would never have known if it wasn't for Future Max. He had known enough to take the risk of destroying the night she and Max had been supposed to cement their love, because he had believed that it would all work out in the end.
They would always find their way back to each other. Because they believed it, it would happen.
Which meant that she could not give up now.
"I do," she whispered in amazement. "I do believe it." She felt a moment of shame that she had doubted again - that she had allowed herself even an instant of despair.
Max would come back to her. He always did. And she would wait patiently until the time was right.
Zan spent the night in his quarters, staring unseeingly out the viewscreen at the great mass of stars surrounding Valonia. He did not grieve. He could not. His heart was broken. It had no feeling left. His heart - in fact, every part of him - was empty.
No one dared disturb him during that horrible, blank night - the night he tried to accept that he would never see Rowena again. It was not until after many hours that his shock abated enough that he could try to understand why she had done it.
Serena's words before her collapse replayed in his mind, damning him even more than the fact that he had in fact ordered his beloved's death.
"She did this to save you a lifetime of misery pining for her."
Rowena knew of his marriage to Ava, quite obviously. And she had seemingly known that, even though it had not been his intention, his concern would have always been for Rowena first, and his wife second. The marriage of convenience - the marriage which had returned him to his throne - still meant nothing to him. But it had meant something to Rowena.
She could not stand in the way of it. She could not stand in the way of him being a great king. And, somehow, she had seemed to think that she would do so. That his love for her would preoccupy him, would drive him from his wife.
How could she have ever thought that? How could she not have understood that the only reason he had for being a good king was because she believed he could be? He would not have betrayed Ava for Rowena, not only because Rowena would not have allowed it, but because she would have been disappointed in him. He could have been strong enough to make his marriage work, had he known that Rowena believed he would.
She had not trusted him. She had not trusted him enough to be able to let her go. She had sacrificed herself. And, the sheer irony of it, was that now he knew he could not do it. Without her in his life, even on the periphery, he could not do this.
It was then that the pain hit him, in great waves. Sobs rose within him, coming out in gasping breaths. It felt as though it would never stop.
How could he do any of this without her?
It took some time before he realized that he was no longer alone. As he came back to himself, he became aware of a small handing holding his. He knew it was Serena. With Rowena now gone, only Serena would dare approach him such a state.
"I'm so sorry, Zan," she whispered. "It was not your fault. I know it. I am sorry I accused you."
He did not respond to this. They sat silently for several long moments. Finally he said, "Tell me exactly what happened." He needed to know everything. He needed to be able to envision his beloved's last hours of existence. He doubted it would make him feel better, but he needed to know.
"She pretended to be me," Serena replied. "I was unconscious after we were captured, and by the time I woke up, she was already well in her role. Yorvin believed her. She was free on the planet, I was in a cell. I never saw her."
"And when Edgen's team came, they took you instead of Rowena," Zan finished for her.
"Eventually, yes." She paused. "I attempted to make Rowena expose herself, but she refused."
Zan looked at her. "What do you mean?"
Serena closed her eyes. "She must have warned them I would try something. They healed me."
Zan stared. "You tried to harm yourself?"
Tears filled Serena's large eyes. "I knew that if I was gone, she'd have to return to you. We could not both be gone. Val…" She struggled to finish. "Valonia needs one of us." She lifted her arm. Zan felt his stomach lurch at the blood soaking the wedding scarf she still had twisted around her wrist. "But I do not think that I really thought it would end like that for me. I knew she would save me."
"Serena…" He shook his head. How had they reached such a point? How had things gone so incredibly awry? Why could Rowena not have trusted him enough to live?
"When Edgen's team came," Serena continued after a short pause, her voice stronger, "I did not know who they were, and I fought them. I thought they were going to execute me." She lowered her gaze. "I suppose I really did not want to die after all." Her voice cracked again. "She knew it. And she saved me by becoming me."
Zan brought his arm up, and pulled her close to his side. "No one had to die," he said stiffly. He felt more angry now, than anything. How could Rowena have done this? How could she have allowed this? How could she not trust that he would have saved both her and her sister? How could she not have trusted him to do what needed to be done for their worlds?
How could she have left him alone? And how could she have made the decision to do so without telling him the truth?
This was perhaps what made him angriest - that she had pretended with him, too. She had pretended to be Serena, and she had made him part of the decision, and he had not known what he was doing.
But was it any better that he had been willing to sacrifice Serena?
His anger faded. Rowena had known him better than he knew himself. He had been willing to let her sister die, and she had known it, and she could not allow it.
In the end, she had saved him again. She had saved him from killing an innocent.
And she had also saved him from destroying the one person who could put this all to rights.
"What will we do now, Zan?" Serena asked, after another long silence.
The cloning technology must be destroyed, once and for all.
Rowena's final words came back to him, but he hardened himself against them.
"There is only one thing that can be done," Zan said grimly. "She has given us no choice."
"What?" Serena asked, sounding uncertain, and not a little afraid at his tone.
"We are going to bring her back."
"This is yours, Zan."
Zan looked at the strange, organic mass that held another version of himself. It felt odd. He reached out, tracing the small form within. It looked different from a normal Antarian fetus. The head was much smaller, for one thing. But this was how the new strain of clones were supposed to look. The human DNA Serena had melded into the design would hopefully prevent the anomaly that had caused the psychosis in his last clone. Serena was sure that the great capability for love that humans demonstrated would stabilize the elements that had tainted that other Zan.
"You are certain that they will survive the journey?" Zan asked.
"Yes," Serena replied. "We have had visitors from Earth before. It is where we harvested the DNA." There was a long pause. "I still do not understand what you hope to accomplish by doing this," she finally said. It was not unexpected. She had been trying to turn him from his purpose for many weeks, but once his decision had been made, all the pieces had fallen quickly into place.
"This is destined," Zan said firmly. He believed it. Because, when he had gone to Khivar after deciding on this course, it turned out that adding Rowena to the cloning mix would not be at all difficult.
She had already been cloned.
It turned out Rowena had made a deal with Khivar after all, in her bid to assure his support of Zan. She had agreed to clone Khivar and herself, along with the Vilandra, Karana and Jondar replacements.
When Khivar had told Zan why, he had been somewhat dismayed, but had also understood the other king's thinking.
"I wanted proof," Khivar admitted. "I wanted a chance to prove that she was not meant for you. That if it happened all over again, the result could be very different." He looked down. "I wanted to show her that she and I could be happy together, if our clones were."
"But they will be different people," Zan reminded him. "The Rowena clone could end up with anyone." He did not admit that he thought Khivar was right. They would not end up with different people. But it would not be as Khivar hoped.
It did not matter the form. Rowena and Zan would always find each other.
"It worked once," Khivar shrugged. "I thought it might work again."
"With Serena." Zan understood. "She loves you."
"Yes," Khivar said quietly. "But I do not know if I can ever forgive her for her deceit. And, so, I suggested to Rowena that we make a fresh start."
And, so, Rowena's resurrection had already been in progress. Not only that, but it had been with Rowena's blessing. Which for Zan, eradicated all that came after. Her request for the destruction of the cloning technology no longer meant anything. He thought now that it had just been her way to ensure that he went ahead with the razing of the Valonian palace - that had he known that "Serena" was wavering on that he might have chosen another way.
He did not feel an ounce of guilt for going against Rowena's last wish. Because, in his heart, he did not believe that she would deny anyone the chance at a "fresh start," as Khivar termed it.
In the end, though, it would not just be for those who had died. It would also be a new beginning for those who had been left behind to mourn. As stared at his own clone, he knew in his heart how it would play out. It did not matter if they were half human this time. His soul would find and embrace Rowena's every time.
They would be together. It would be on a distant world, but he could not believe any less.
"Will you give him the seal?" Rath asked Zan now. Zan's general stood nearby, staring at his own clone, a slight scowl on his face. He had not been particularly pleased by any of this, but he had gone along with it, mainly because he was happy that Zan was capable of making any decisions at all after Rowena's death. If cloning her - all of them - for life on some distant world meant that his king would be able to focus entirely on his marriage to Ava, and, as a result of that, the ruling of the system, rather than pining for his lost love, then he was all for it.
Zan thought about it for a long moment. He gazed at the small human Zan, eventually shaking his head. "No. He will not be king. He will not have to make the choices I have."
He will be free to live with his love, unhindered by duty and responsibility, Zan thought with satisfaction. His entire life will be like the few idyllic weeks I lived in a cell under the ground on Valonia.
And, because this version of himself would be free, Zan of Antar could finally be king.
Liz jerked awake when she felt movement next to her. When her eyes flew open, she found herself staring into Max's dark eyes. The relief that swept through her was so intense, she felt frozen. She had believed, but this did not mean that she had not worried. And, so, it was he who spoke first.
"Hi," he said softly.
"Hi," she managed to reply, a smile breaking across her face. She leaned into him, kissing him gently on the lips. "Welcome back."
"I'm sorry," he said. "You must have been worried."
"I was," she admitted. "But I knew you'd be back."
"How?" he asked.
"Because I'll always come back to you," she replied simply. "So I thought it was about time that I trusted you to do the same."
He smiled, then kissed her on the forehead. Liz sighed, allowing herself to melt into him for a moment. She allowed herself to just feel him, to absorb the fact that he was actually there with her, and no longer just physically.
"I have so much to tell you," he finally said into the stillness.
"I know," Liz replied. "Me too."
"Actually it's stuff I have to tell everyone," he admitted. "So why do I feel like I just want to stay here forever?"
"There's no rush," Liz told him. "Wait until you feel strong enough." She pulled back, searching his face anxiously. "How do you feel, by the way?"
Max sat up, bringing Liz along with him. "I feel great, actually." He grinned at her. Liz felt her heart contract.
"Well, I guess you probably won't need to sleep for a long time," Liz allowed, smiling slightly. "I'm pretty sure that Michael won't let you anyway. He's pretty anxious to get out of here."
"Why am I not surprised?" Max laughed. "But, no, I don't need any more sleep. I've been asleep for too long. And I'm not just talking about physically. It's time to finish this, once and for all."
Liz frowned. "You make it sound so easy, Max."
"It is," he replied with certainty. He kissed her again, still smiling. "This time, Liz, I really think it is."