Lesson Eight: In Preparation of the Full Moon
Remus watched intently as James swooped down with his broom quickly snatching up the red Quaffle as it dropped swiftly from the "other opponent's" hands. He was actually quite good, Remus thought to himself while he continued to watch James' tryout for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. After the first five minutes of watching, he had come to conclude that if the captain and the other Quidditch team members went back on their word regarding James as a shoe-in, they were absolutely mental. Yes, he was young, but that was his only flaw when it came to this particular sport, and if that were going to set him back with another year of waiting, it was strictly unfair.
Peter began to clap intensely beside him when James managed to get past the Gryffindor seventh year Keeper posing as the opposite team. James then flew back to the center of the field and waited for the ball to come back his way but this time when he finally managed to get a hold of it the only option he had was to give it away. A disappointment for him, Remus was sure of it, but overall it would probably help him: it showed that he was not a ball hog; a good trait to have in any sport. Shortly after some other student made the goal the captain of the team blew the whistle he had around his neck and ordered for the students to dismount from their brooms and wait in the stands for the results, which would come at the end of everyone's tryouts.
When James had landed on the ground he ran as fast as he could up the stands and joined the rest of his friends at the top of the box. As soon as he came into view Peter yelled out with a slight squeak in his excited voice. "That was so cool." Remus laughed to himself, almost sure that if the boy had let go of all restraint to his exceeding joy he would have jumped up and down as he had said it and then he probably would have jumped on James.
James just smiled wildly, "You think?" he asked modestly knowing that he had played his absolute best in a long while.
Peter nodded furiously and then looked down at the field as the next few Gryffindors walked out.
"Yeah, you did well," Remus said figuring he may as well give his friend his honest opinion.
James smiled and looked him directly in the eyes. Remus caught his look and then looked down at the field suddenly uncomfortable. He knew what James had seen, it was the same thing he had seen when he had looked in the mirror this morning and ever since had been trying very hard to ignore for the time being. Though, as the day continued to go on he knew that he couldn't for much longer. Just being outside was painful but he had promised he'd watch the tryouts, and he wasn't about to back out of it now, even if he knew they would understood completely if he did.
"Are you okay? Because you could go, it's not that important," James said softly as he put a hand on Remus' shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Remus just nodded and looked up at his friend. He knew James was just concerned and why shouldn't he be? He himself always grew concerned for his own welfare when it came to this day of the month. When the full moon rose in the sky would he pass out straight away, would he spend a week in the hospital or would it be more, would he even wake up the next morning? Remus felt the last bit of color in his face drain down to his feet. He hated that thought; he wouldn't want to die during his transformation. He didn't want to die at all.
He looked over at James and smiled weakly, "No, I'll be fine. I said I'd stay and watch, and that's what I'm going to do."
James just looked at him intently, studying his face for some sign that he was just being too stubborn for his own good. After short while he knew that that was definitely the case but figured that it was Remus' decision that was the final one, and this happened to be his choice, whether or not he thought it was the right one.
"Mount your brooms!" The captain ordered gathering everyone in the stand's attention. The people trying out did as they were told and upon the next order the first person in line flew into the air and started smacking the Bludgers that were thrown at him by the magical force within the large iron balls.
Remus watched as a few familiar faces did their tryouts and all the while he could feel James' eyes on his back. He loved his friend and loved the fact that he cared about his welfare more than any of his friends would ever know, but oh how he wished that James would look at the field just a little bit more.
The next student was up and upon the order of the team captain went through the same drill as the last person missing quite a few of the on coming Bludgers. Remus could feel his back tighten up as the sun began to move to the west as the tryouts wound down with the last two wannabe Beaters waited for their turn. He needed to sit down, his back was beginning to feel like it was on fire and he could feel the fever he had been fighting with all day begin to get worse as sweat began to develop over his brow. But he wasn't about to sit in the seat less than a foot behind him, because he knew that he wouldn't be able to get up from it if he did. It would be too painful and the rest would be to welcome, so he would need help up because it would honestly take too much effort to do by himself, and that would bring more attention to him than he wanted. The last thing he needed was for something like that to get around the school.
"Did you hear about Remus Lupin?"
"No, I didn't. Is he okay?"
"Don't know, but his best friends had to carry him away from the Quidditch try-outs."
"Why'd they have to do that?"
"I don't know... but they say he's a werewolf."
Remus shivered suddenly, he wasn't sure if it was because of the thought that he had just had or if it was the full moon. Either way it had caught him off guard. He looked around hoping no one had seen his traitorous body shiver uncontrollably like that in the midst of the summer sun. No one seemed to be pointing at him with notice so he turned his attention to James who was still staring at him. He smiled weakly at James once more as Peter spouted out excitedly, "There's Sirius. Look."
Remus followed Peter's pointed finger out to the sky where Sirius was preparing for the first Bludger to come at him. When it finally came at him he hit it so hard it went straight down the field through the left goal hoop before it finally lost enough speed to start its trek back towards him. Remus cheered at that and James screamed that he loved him and wanted to have his babies. Peter, when that exclamation came forward just looked back at James completely confused, which only made Remus chuckle despite his current worries. This chuckle caused him to have a small coughing fit as his ribs and lungs began to burn from the small effort it took just to laugh. James glanced at Remus and patted him on the shoulder, as a way to tell him that it was still okay if they bailed. Sirius would get over it, eventually.
Remus ignored the gesture and continued to watch as Sirius hit every Bludger that headed towards him as viciously as he did the first time, each time he would aim it at a different target to prove that he could hit the ball and make it go where he wanted it too. Both of which were much needed skills to have to be an efficient Beater. Eventually, the captain blew his little whistle and ordered Sirius to the ground and then for the last person in line to go so they could get done with the tryouts all together.
Sirius dismounted his broom and followed James' suit by running up and joining his mates. When he reached the top of the box he didn't even wait for the excited spurts of joy from Peter he just smiled wildly as he strode over to them saying, "Wasn't that WICKED?" he took a seat in the stands still breathing heavily from the workout he had just given himself, "I hit every one of them. I've never been able to hit every one of them before because I don't practice enough. I don't have a Quidditch pitch in my back yard like you do, James, so really how could I. But I did it!"
He smiled widely, "And they said in the locker room that I was too small for a Beater. Bullocks to that!"
"Sirius!" James said at the unnecessary curse word, "I'm glad you're happy. You did well and you should be. They're completely mental if they don't put you on the team. You were the best out of everyone that tried out. "
"Same goes to you, Mr. Potter," Sirius said with a quick wink which, in return, James put his arm around Sirius' head and quickly rubbed the top of it, which made Sirius' black locks fall out of place so that he looked like he had just gotten out of bed.
Remus felt himself roll his eyes at the pair of them, and then made a step towards Sirius to give his own compliments towards his playing but was stopped abruptly by the fact that his vision had blurred and he'd suddenly become very dizzy. He felt his body start to fall backwards and he couldn't stop it. Then he felt a wave of panic surge over his body. They're were a ton of witnesses, it was bad enough having a seizure in class with twenty to thirty people around to see, but half of Gryffindor common room was watching these tryouts. He felt someone catch him from behind and then steady him by putting his arm over another person's shoulder. He knew it was James and Sirius; they didn't even have to speak for him to know who was helping him.
"We're taking you to Madam Pomfrey," He heard James say seriously.
"The results can wait," Sirius finished with a rather reluctant air in his voice.
Then he heard Peter's worried cries coming from behind him as James and Sirius lead him down the flights of stairs to the steady ground. They took a few more steps forward, once they had reached the ground and Remus watched as little dots began to flicker in front of him, each time revealing more of the Hogwarts' landscape until finally he had regained all of his eyesight. He looked up from the green grass, as they grew closer to the entrance to the castle.
Snape was standing off towards the side of the castle. He was slightly out of breath and judging by the look he was giving the group, he had seen everything. Snape had seen him fall, he had seen James and Sirius help him, and with any luck Remus would be an outcast in the school by the time he came back from the Shrieking Shack. Remus felt a fresh wave of fear wash over his body as James and Sirius seemed to pick up their pace and lead him up to the third floor corridor despite Remus' constant protests that he could do it himself.
When they entered the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey was busy examining him in an instant. She looked in his eyes, checked his pulse, and took his temperature along with every normal precaution for something as mild as the flu. When she had finished she looked at the other three boys, "We'll fix him up, he'll be right as rain soon enough," she lied as she remembered Albus Dumbledore's warnings at the beginning of last year that no one, not even anyone close to him, was to know of his ailment, even though she disagreed somewhat with it, "You all can leave now."
James, Sirius, and Peter stood there for a moment in complete shock. They looked over at Remus who was pale with fright as he thought over all the horrible things that could happen to him if Snape had actually managed to put two and two together, not even paying attention to the conversation. He glanced away from their stares unable to look them in the face with all the pity he felt for himself at that particular moment. Then suddenly Sirius spoke up, "We're not going anywhere."
Remus looked up over at them in shock as he saw Sirius' defiant stare and James' nod of agreement and then Peter's look of complete shock. Madam Pomfrey opened her mouth to protest and then, most likely, forcefully escort them out of the room. But before she could, Remus stopped her, just now figuring out what was going on, and told her the one detail he had failed to mention to her about his friends when they had spoke to her last week quickly about their summer vacations and what he should expect from this years transformations, which hadn't changed at all, "They know."
Madam Pomfrey then looked at the three boys and smiled proudly. Remus caught the meaning quickly and corrected her, "I didn't tell them. They figured it out on their own and told me on the train ride home."
The older woman nodded and smiled weakly at the boys before she looked over at Remus and nodded her head, "You boys can stay, but the next time I say you have to go, you will listen and leave promptly."
The three nodded and then quickly joined Remus on his bed. They spent the next few hours joking and poking fun at each other. And with the comforting jokes Remus quickly forgot about Snape and his previous worries. Remus tried his best to concentrate on his friends rather than on the upcoming full moon or whatever else was to come from the day's events, he was going to make sure he enjoyed every minute he had left of the fading sunlight.
As the first hour dragged onto a second Remus realized rather quickly that his transformations were less painful with James, Sirius, and Peter around. He was still in a lot of pain but it seemed to be less overall because he didn't have to dwell on it. Or at least that was his theory at the moment, which also went along with James' Animagus plan.
He had managed to hold off until late in the afternoon before he had blacked out. Usually things like that began to happen a week in advance and gradually turned into seizures when he drew closer to the full moon. But he hadn't had any of that this time around. Or any of that sort of thing last month, when only Sirius was with him. Granted that time he had been sick the whole day of the full moon but typically that sort of pain, when he had only his parents or Madam Pomfrey for comfort, started the day before that. He smiled at that thought. He was getting better with their help. Obviously he would never live to see a cure, he knew that, and this disease would ultimately kill him, he knew that too, but as long as he had them, he'd be fine. He'd be fine.
That was a thought that in itself made him want to cry. Being fine was a tremendous thing, for never before had he understood that word, "fine." For him there had always been a precaution to look at when he did something, whether that be the fear of a possible silver burn, or whether he'd lose a friend. With them around these things didn't seem of so great importance. And as he looked at James, Sirius and Peter's laughing faces he realized that he'd continue being fine as long as he had them.
As the second hour turned into a third and the sun began to set steadily in the west Madam Pomfrey came in and quickly ushered his friends out of the infirmary. Telling them that they could see him the next day if Remus wanted them to see him at all.
Remus watched as Sirius nodded his head at the comment, knowing better than the other two why Remus may not want them to see him. Yes, James had seen him ripped to shreds the year before, but Sirius had also seen how emotional it was for everyone involved to see him in such a way the day after he had been healed yet still was bed ridden. They were two completely different things, two separate feelings of helplessness for a close friend, and neither one was, in all reality, easy for Remus to see either. This Sirius knew, and respected above all else. So with resigned looks the three loyal friends of Remus J. Lupin walked out of the lonely room leaving the frail boy with only Madam Pomfrey for comfort.
Sirius looked back at James once the heavy oak doors had shut with a resounding "thud" behind them, his eyes had grown dark with a combination of fear and utter sadness for their friend. He sighed deeply, as if he were going to say something to fill the silent void they had fallen into but had decided instead to ignore the thought and continued forward, away for the infirmary, towards the direction of the library.
James followed reluctantly behind Sirius, knowing that the look in Sirius' eyes was just another thing he would hide away from the world if he said nothing about it now. He was used to Sirius' secrets but that didn't mean that he agreed with them being kept. He knew it was unhealthy, and if anything, would probably end up being the reason for his demise, in the end. Yet, it wasn't worth voicing his opinion over the matter. He'd tried countless times before and that had never gotten him anywhere in the long run. Sirius was simply too stubborn when it came to these sort of things. It was Sirius' way to keep himself safe. A defense mechanism his father had taught him, and his father before him had taught him, and so on. There was no breaking the chain of Black secrets even if Sirius were willing; there would always be something he'd want to hide from the world. So, James had tried to learn how to deal with the flaw, though most of the time he proved to be unsuccessful.
Sirius continued to lead them down to the library fully content with not speaking of Remus until they had reached their destination. It wasn't that he was ashamed of what was going to happen, or scared for his life like some people would be if they knew a werewolf were attending their school. It was different. Something he couldn't exactly explain. He was scared, scared terribly, but not for himself. He was scared for Remus. He'd only ever been scared for one other person before in his life and that was James. It was a welcome, but slightly unknown, feeling for him to have, and that sort of scared him too. Opening up to another person was always frightening for him. He was never able to trust people because they always managed to stab him in the back. The only person that he had ever met in his young life, that was different, was James, and as it always seems to go, once you open yourself up to one person others seem to follow. Granted it had taken eleven years but it had happened, and Sirius was glad for that.
They had just turned the corner that lead to the library when Sirius' thoughts were broken and Peter's voice came out with a slight tremblem, "Is he going to die?"
The words sent a chill down Sirius' spine and from the feeling of James' eyes on the back of his head he could tell that James had figured out what had been bothering him on their trek to the library, and there would be no further inquiries about it later. He was thankful for that, and turned to Peter with a small smile on his face and went to say that Remus would be okay, but found that the words, the possible lie got stuck deep within his throat.
James spotted the problem quickly and detoured away from Sirius' lack of speech, "He'll be fine, Peter. There's no need to worry," James stared straight into Peter's face and then took his hand and placed it firmly on Peter's shoulder, gave it a slight squeeze of reassurance, and smiled weakly, "He'll be fine.
"Let's just go get those books we need, so we can start getting ready for 'Operation Lupin,'" with that being said Peter gave out a worried squeak, which the other two ignored, and the three strode down the remainder of the hallway and wandered into the library and headed straight for the Transfiguration section.
The library was mostly empty this Saturday night. Most of the students had retired to their common rooms early for a bit of fun before going to bed, or if that wasn't the case had opted to ignore their homework until the next day. This meant that the three looked rather suspicious all by themselves in the darkly lit room. Madam Pince kept her eye on them the entire time. Every so often one of them would look back at her and smile and then turn back to the stack of books on the shelves looking for anything and everything that pertained to the particular matter that they were searching for.
It didn't take them very long to realize that this was going to be harder to do then they had originally thought. Most of the books were rather blunt about the subject sticking mainly to things like: "Animagus: a human that can turn into an animal at will" or other forms of describing the act in itself. If that wasn't the case the book seemed to talk mostly about the Animagi Registry, rather than the actual act of becoming one. Once they had collected every book they could gather on Animagus Transformations they each gathered a few books among them, checked them out, and walked out of the room.
"We're going to need to get permission to go into the restricted section," James said once they were well away from the library.
"How are we going to manage that?" Sirius asked.
James just shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. We could try McGonagall."
Sirius groaned loudly at the absurdness of that, "Oh yes, and what are we going to say? 'Oh, McGonagall, we were going to do a research paper on a seventh year topic just for fun.' A simple interest in the topic? She'd never believe that," Sirius gave James a level stare and smirked slightly at the equal glance of seriousness he was getting in return, "It won't work, mate."
James nodded after staring at him for a long while and then continued up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, "What about Flitwick, or Sprout?"
"Doesn't exactly deal with the subject they teach, now does it? And they'll most likely want to know why we want their permission. It won't work if we get a signature for a dangerous charm or plant and we try to check out a book on Transfiguration."
James groaned. This was going to be harder than they'd thought. They couldn't ask Professor Vector, and they wouldn't even try to ask Lamia even if they could because it definitely wouldn't work. Not to mention they'd probably end up with a month of detention for even asking. They made it to the tower and were standing outside of the fat ladies portrait each lost in their own thoughts on the matter. James opened his mouth to say the password but just as the first syllable had left his mouth Peter cut him off.
"I think I've got an idea," he burst out extremely proud. James and Sirius turned to him with disbelief shining in their eyes
"Really?" Sirius asked rather sarcastically without considering the boys obvious joy. Peter just nodded his head under the heavy gaze he was getting from the two of them together.
"Yeah," he started sheepishly, "We coul-, we could... just tell the truth."
Both James and Sirius' mouth dropped open at that, but once Peter had seen the reaction he tried to clarify what he was trying desperately to say. Silently hating the fact that he was so bad at talking with everyone, even his closest friends, "No, not like that. It'd be more like a half-truth. We could just say that –er- we have a theory. A theory on werewolves that if they were around other creatures... animals... they can keep their mind when they change. And maybe, just maybe, if that were to be true an Animagus could stay with a werewolf and not be harmed," he looked at James and Sirius and noticed that their expressions hadn't changed yet.
He continued on, shakily, "We'd use Professor Pike, he's new and probably doesn't know everything that we did last year. And we could tell him that we needed to know how the transformation worked to prove our hypothesis. That's it. It's not all lie," he looked at them and then finished completely deflated, "It's just an idea."
Sirius, once he was sure the boy was done telling them his idea, opened his mouth and spoke loudly, "Peter… that is by far the stupidest plan I have ever-"
"It just might work," James interrupted. Still staring at Peter in disbelief.
"What?" Sirius and Peter asked in unison.
"It just might work," James repeated as Peter's face broke into a huge smile.
Sirius just turned his blank stare from Peter to his best friend. James couldn't help but smile at the look he was getting from Sirius and continued with his own justification of Peter's plan.
"Listen, it might work. It's crazy enough, that it could work. Most people don't get suspicious of theories or whatever, especially when it's coming for someone our age. They'll just think it's a joke and either tell us to get lost or treat us just to get us to shut up," he gave Sirius a knowing glance but when he only received a glare in return he got slightly irritated and when on, "You know that, Sirius, just as well as I do. Just look at how many times we've gotten my dad to give us money for prank supplies under false things like that."
Sirius smiled widely then. He took the time, then, and continued to roll the idea over in his head as the Fat Lady began to threaten them that it was either in or out and that it was rude to make a lady wait. Sirius just glared at the portrait and then finally nodded his had to say that he was in.
"Alright, then we'll try it. But first let's look over these books and make sure that we're not wasting our time even coming up with a plan."
The others nodded their heads in agreement and James slapped Peter on the back to show he was proud of his rare cleverness. Then he turned to the fat lady, muttered the password and the three quickly climbed through the hole before they could hear any further complaints from the painting.
Remus stared at Madam Pomfrey as she closed the doors behind his friends. He felt empty suddenly and looked away from the older woman not wanting her to see the disappointment in his eyes. He stared intently at the white sheets that were covering his legs and frowned. He hated being alone. Granted he did have Madam Pomfrey, but she tended to fuss a lot so it really wasn't the same. Comforting in an odd overbearing sort of way, but not in anyway enjoyable like with his mates.
That didn't mean that he didn't like Madam Pomfrey; that was hardly the case. If anything he was grateful for her kindness and was glad she was around, even if she did fuss too much. She was a lot like his mother in some ways and that helped a lot when it came to his waiting for the sun to set and for hell to rise. He looked out the window at the grounds to see the sun just barely above the trees and knew that Madam Pomfrey would be getting him ready to be smuggled out of the castle like an escaped convict soon. In a few seconds Madam Pomfrey walked from the doors she had just closed and walked to the other end of the room, went into her office, and had come out with three or four bottles filled with assorted potions for various things.
She took out a large spoon from her robes and began pouring a turquoise colored potion into it, and then she made Remus swallow it. He grimaced a bit at the taste. It was bitter, much like a bar of soap, but he made no comments knowing that it would only gain a swift reprimand from the medi-witch. He needed the potion so he wouldn't bleed to death. He didn't know how it worked exactly, but he did know that it made his body reproduce more blood once he was cut open so that as he bled the gallons of blood he often did on these particular nights, it would quite literally refill itself. The reason she made him take it was for if Madam Pomfrey happened to be late in gathering him the next morning chances would be he would still be breathing when she got there.
Once he had downed that potion the elderly woman quickly poured a different bottle of potion into the same spoon. Again, she made Remus swallow it and Remus gulped it down quickly knowing that if he didn't the contents would begin to burn his mouth. As the amber liquid slipped down his throat he felt his whole body begin to warm up. This sensation was to continue until he woke up the next morning safe in the separate hospital ward that had been built for severe patients. Whether that meant bad Quidditch injuries or young werewolves recovering from a "bad night," either way he hated the room because it was lonely.
Madam Pomfrey gave him a few more potions each a separate color and each performed a different duty to ensure his safety. When she had given him the last potion (an orange one that should prevent any infections on the open flesh) she handed him his cloak and helped him get out of the white bed. Remus put on the heavy cloak even though it was summer and hardly cold. Then, the woman led him out of the infirmary into the hallway. To a side passage that was ignored my most of the students and staff. Remus knew the route by heart and could have definitely taken it by himself on any other occasion but he was still dizzy and may have needed her help if he'd had another spell. She quickly tapped a brick towards that bottom of the wall with her wand when they had reached the end of the corridor. A section of the wall, where she had tapped the brick, large enough for the two to go through one by one, opened up and a set of stairs was there and only torches lit the path. They followed, with Remus in front as Madam Pomfrey kept one hand firmly on his shoulder. They went down the dark passage and down to the ground floor where the stairs stopped and the passage turned to the right and lead out to the grounds.
Remus opened the stone wall the same way as Madam Pomfrey had once they'd reached the end of the passage before. Once it opened, he stepped out onto the damp grass. He sighed deeply as he looked over at the Forbidden Forest only to see the sun was now behind the trees and the sky was lit with brilliant oranges, yellows, and pinks. He smiled despite himself as he thought of a saying his mother said frequently on such days: "pink skies at night: Sailor's delight. Red skies in morning: sailor's warning." Apparently, that was a way sailors had predicted the weather for sailing and as far as he had noticed it was typically correct.
Madam Pomfrey gently pushed Remus in the back, breaking him away from his 'happy thoughts' as a way to tell him they had to get moving. Remus listened to the silent order and continued to walk past the Quidditch pitch, which he avoided looking at in shame of what had happened earlier. His mind slipped back to Snape as they walked over the hill and the Whomping Willow began to come into view. Maybe if he were lucky, James and Sirius could fix whatever rumor Snape may start. At the moment he didn't care if they chose to use an "any means bases" to take care of the potential problem either. He hated being mean to him, but this was about his own safety, so he was a bit more passionate and careless with his thoughts. But as long as they stayed there he should be all right, at least that was how he saw it anyway.
The medi-witch picked up a long stick and poked the knot in the thrashing tree. They had to crouch down to avoid some of the longer branches making contact with them, but once the knot had been pushed in, the tree froze and they both hurried up to the tree and climbed down through the hole which lead to yet another passage. They followed it down until they reached the end and found themselves in a house. Remus looked around at the furnishings inside, all strewn about what would have been the living room. He tried to ignore the sight as he headed up the stairs to the bedroom at the top, but was drawn to the deep cuts in the railing. The cuts he had made. He cringed a bit as he thought of what such massively sharp claws could do to a person and prayed that something so horrid would never happen. They reached the top of the stairs and turned and entered the bedroom. It was empty mostly except for a nightstand, a chest and a large four-poster bed. The bed had torn curtains around it that were still stained with blood. His blood. Madam Pomfrey followed Remus' gaze and gently placed her hand on his back and rubbed it in an act of comfort.
"I tried to get the stains out, but it didn't work. I even sent up some house-elves to try and get rid of it," Remus looked back at her and smiled weakly.
She returned the gesture and continued, knowing that she had to leave her favorite patient behind or risk her own life, "Remus, please try to get in the bed before you pass out. I know it isn't you," she added as he opened his mouth to protest, "but try. You are a brave young boy," she said finally.
"I'll be back for you around six tomorrow morning."
With that she gave Remus a final hug, turned around, and left the same way they had come. Remus then walked over to the bed and touched one of the posts where four claws had dug deep into the wood. He felt tears sting in his eyes. He was alone, and scared: again. He looked around the dusty beaten room and sighed. This was his cage. He was a monster, and maybe one day he would be able to accept it.