AN: Thanks for reviewing! And a quick note on this chapter: I have NO IDEA what Kakashi's favourite anything is (besides his favourite food which is all thanks to Christinarr :hugs:), or what his past was really like besides the origin of his Sharingan – so just keep in mind I used my artistic license and made it up :D
And I'm done. Onwards!
Courage Needs You - Chapter #7
It was morning – it had come too soon. Slowly blinking sleep-fogged eyes open, Sakura moved to stand up only to wince in discomfort. She wouldn't have been sore at all if she had been smart and crawled back into bed instead of dozing off against the windowsill. But calling herself an idiot and regretting her actions would only be a waste of time and effort.
Kakashi…
Sakura groaned, squeezing the bridge of her nose with her index and thumb. The inevitable encounter was coming all too quickly all too soon for her liking – churning her stomach in a compound of fear and anxiety that she couldn't rightly explain. Maybe if she just didn't go he would grasp the situation and leave her be. Somehow, she knew that wouldn't be the case.
"Ne, Sasuke?"
"What baka?"
"Do you think we'll get a proper mission today?"
He shrugged.
"Hey Sasuke?"
He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "What is it now?"
Naruto continued, unfazed by Sasuke's irate mien. "Where do you think Sakura was last night?"
Silence.
"Well?"
"I don't know."
"Oh…"
The hush stretched on, and for once Naruto chose to be wise and remained silent, albeit difficultly. The sound of the stream below them and some random birds calling were the only ambient noises, much to his frustration.
Sasuke leaned over the bridge railing, ignoring Naruto's aggravating shuffling about. Where had Sakura been last night? It wasn't exactly early when he and Naruto decided to drop by to investigate what Kaka-sensei had wanted with her. Naruto had banged on her door for nearly ten minutes before he was forced to stop him from breaking it down.
Although not outwardly showing his curiosity or concern, Sasuke was equally puzzled by her disappearance.
Soft footsteps against the wooden bridge brought about his attention. There was Sakura, looking as if she were carrying the world on her shoulders by her sluggish pace and tired appearance.
"Where were you?" Sasuke demanded before his mind could catch up. Sakura stopped mid stride, eyes trapped in an obsidian glare. From her vantage point, she noticed Naruto on the opposite side of the bridge looking at her with apt interest.
"What do you mean? I just came from ho –"
"Last night. Where were you last night?"
Sakura stiffened, both from the question and the heat in his eyes.
"She was with me."
The three chuunins turned surprised gazes towards their sensei standing atop his usual beam. This was the second day in a row that he had been on time, and for once Sakura wished he had been late. Casually jumping down, he quickly took note of Sasuke's cold, narrowed eyes.
"Doing what?" Sasuke asked.
Now this was odd. Sasuke wasn't the sort of person who openly showed interest or curiosity – he made it seem beneath him in a manner that Kakashi would never understand. So why was he prodding now?
"I was helping her," Kakashi said, tone impassive.
"Helping her?" Sasuke repeated, arching a navy eyebrow in skepticism. "With training?"
Naruto grinned, blind to the tension around him. "You're going to be training me next right sensei?"
"So, how was your mission yesterday, boys?" Kakashi grinned, switching topics albeit not very tactfully. Naruto groaned, unaware of the conversation change while Sasuke eyed his sensei questioningly.
Hovering along the sidelines Sakura wisely kept quiet, relieved that her sensei wasn't being forthcoming on the complex events of last night.
"It was horrible! They dressed me up like a girl and made me play dolls," Naruto wailed, enticing a rare laugh from Sakura. "Please tell me you have some serious missions for us today, and not one that requires baby-sitting."
"As a matter of fact I do." Naruto's eyes immediately lit up. "So you and Sasuke go visit the mission desk and you'll receive the information."
Sasuke eyed his sensei. "Just Naruto and I? What about Sakura?"
"Yes, just you and Naruto. I'm going to be training Sakura for the time being so you two don't need to meet here in the morning till I inform you otherwise."
Naruto gave a nod while Sasuke remained reticent.
"Come Sakura, let's go," he said, his retreating back acting as his rude dismissal. Hesitating for only a moment, she nodded and quickly left with Kakashi; leaving an excited Naruto and suspicious Sasuke behind.
After breezing by the forest and landing in the familiar clearing of their training ground, Sakura found it hard to keep up with Kakashi's long strides that ate up the distance before him.
Something as mundane as him walking in front of her spoke volumes in which strangers would never have picked up on. She felt her defenses rise with her mind on high alert – bracing herself for what seemed to be an inevitable altercation. She sensed it in his aura, a strength and a determination which she interrupted as a confrontation in waiting.
If it occurred, would she be able to ask her own plaguing questions as well? Questions to which she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to anymore – a nagging suspicion telling her she wasn't going to be too fond of the truth.
"How are you feeling this morning?" His tone was drawled – bored – blasé as always, interrupting her worries unceremoniously.
She stared at the back of his silver head, wondering if the question was genuine or being asked conversationally.
"Okay, I guess," then ruminated if she should tell him her back was still sore with the rest of her questionably fine – a fact she still didn't quite understand. A jolt quickly ignited inside her mind, her brow scrunched in wonder as an ambiguous image from her memory appeared before quickly vanishing back to the dark recesses of her mind where the fog lingered.
When he didn't reply and continued on with his quick stride, relief and disappointment chewed at her heart. Continuing to walk in silence, awkwardness crept forward making her feel at a loss in what to say. Just when she thought he was going to remain mute, he spoke up again.
"You're tired." It was a statement, not a question, and she was suddenly thankful he was walking in front of her so he couldn't see her fiddle or expressive eyes that betrayed her unanimated face.
"I am."
"Why?"
Why indeed. She couldn't tell him she had been busy self-loathing herself before she proceeded to pass out against her window thinking about him.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Why?"
What was with the sudden interrogation? First Sasuke and now Kakashi? They never cared enough to pester her with questions until they sought their answers. If she was vague, they would clue in and leave her be. Why did today have to be different?
You know why today is different. Or at least she knew she should have known why…
"Because…" she stalled.
"Because what?" He stopped and turned around, arms folded neatly across his chest, waiting patiently.
"Just because all right!" she snapped, frustrated at herself for losing her cool. She didn't want to talk – didn't want to give him his answers. Pausing for a moment, Kakashi gave a curt nod of his head before pivoting back around to continue his stride. Sakura sighed and followed.
She fell, her knees and the palms of her hands roughly impacting the earth. She quickly erected herself and lunged. This time Kakashi didn't need to stoop to yanking out the poor girls locks. Today she had her own inner turmoil and confusion to fuel her rage, causing her to attack her sensei with everything she had. They were both thankful.
Today's training had basically been the same as yesterdays: no fancy new moves to learn; nor Jutsu's to master. It was focused on one thing: increasing her strength and stamina, and she new the days ahead of her would consist of the same dull routine till he found her fit enough. She just hoped that in that time span she would be able to get in one good hit during their sparing periods. If she could, then it would all have been worth it. A malicious smile tilted her lips as her mind conjured up socking her teacher one.
Kakashi cocked a brow as Sakura drifted off in her own world, obviously pleased with what she was envisioning by her goofy grin smeared under her glazed eyes. He shook his head. Now was not a time to be day-dreaming. She was supposed to be attacking him, not smiling at him.
"Oi, Sakura!" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, watching her eyes blink back to focus. Having her full attention, he quickly snatched a rosy lock, just for good measure.
Her eyes burned with intensity. "What was that for?"
"For day-dreaming," he replied nonchalantly, turning away from her. Sakura fumed. Now more than ever before she wanted her fantasy to become real.
"You know, you can't just keep pulling out my hair because you feel like it," and strode after him.
"Oh I can't?" She didn't miss the droll to his tone and inwardly groaned. This was all too familiar to yesterday's events. He would then proceed to pull out a few more locks, taunt her, saying she couldn't do anything to stop him, then have her exert all her energy just to prove him wrong. Unexpectedly determined, she refused to let him bait her like that again.
Huffing after him, she swiftly noticed they were leaving the clearing.
"Where are we going?" she asked, momentarily forgetting her anger and jogged up to him.
"For lunch."
"But I'm not hungry."
"That doesn't matter because you'll eat anyway."
Her anger instantaneously returned. How dare he dictate her about. She wasn't his toy to play with and treat however he wanted. She was a human being, his student of four years for crying out loud.
"I'm not some glorified pet," she said, voice slightly rising.
He gave her a glance. "I never imagined you to be." He was calm, too calm for her liking and for once she wanted to return the favour and get a rise out of him – a tick in his jaw – a twitch of his brow – a clench of his teeth; anything just as long as it was a reaction. It only seemed fair since he seemed to ruffle her feathers at every given opportunity.
"You're a megalomaniac," she stated a matter-of-fact, then saw him instantly smile. That was not the reaction she was looking for.
"So I am."
"You really think you're superlative don't you?"
"Megalomaniac now superlative? You have such a vast vocabulary, Sakura. I'm impressed."
Was he ridiculing her? Taking her well placed insults and turning them around to mock her?
Kakashi saw her visibly bristle out of the corner of his eye and suppressed the urge to grin. It was always so much fun vexing the girl, even if her actions weren't as lively as before.
"Anyway, why are you forcing me to eat? It seems like such a trivial matter to argue over. I'm not hungry, you are, so you can eat and I'll wait."
It was all so obvious, yet it was as if he was trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Why complicate the simple things in life?
"You've lost weight, and I'm not about to watch one of my students suffer from malnutrition. Besides," he said giving her a sideways glance while losing his seriousness, "it would look bad for my reputation."
"Reputation? As if you have any reputation to uphold, besides that of a tardy idiotic pervert."
He shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, making Sakura clench her jaw in hatred and envy that he was able to brush things off so easily. Not one of his feathers stood out of place – looking as pristine and annoyingly flawless like always. At least he explained his overbearing attitude instead of letting her think he was acting like an alpha male just because he knew he could.
Giving herself a brief once over, she scowled at the trivialness of it all. So what if she had lost a bit of weight. It wasn't like she hadn't noticed – it was pointless to fret and worry over such an inconsequential thing. She supposed her teacher thought differently. Quickly conjuring up several arguments, she discarded them just as swiftly, knowing every rebuttal Kakashi would make. In the end, it would all have been a waste of time, effort, and breath.
Sulking, she strode after him.
They reached town relatively quickly, and surprisingly, he stopped outside a new Italian cafe that Sakura had secretly wanted to visit since it had opened. Well, if she was being forced to eat, she might as well be picky about it – maybe he knew that and that's why he hadn't taken her to Ichiraku ramen. Once again she played with the idea that he could read minds.
He went inside first then held the door for her. Kakashi doing anything resembling chivalry was as odd as it was skeptical.
The smell of 'new' assaulted her as soon as she stepped through the threshold; new varnish, new upholstery, new lacquered tables. But despite the overwhelming aroma of 'new', the café was appealing, decorated in gold, beige, and the only vibrant colour being a rich indigo. Inside it had cozy warm glow dancing about the place, and seemed drastically darker compared to the afternoon sky. Taking a quick scan of the restaurant, she didn't recognize anybody she knew and was led to a booth by the hostess, her sensei trailing behind.
Sitting down on the cushioned bench, she was suddenly aware of her ragged appearance. She debated whether to waste the effort and energy in being self conscience.
Sighing, she opened the laminated menu and went over its contents. This would have been much better if she were actually hungry, wasn't covered in grass stains, and was in the company of someone she didn't want to throttle. She snuck a glance at her sensei over her menu, only able to see a downcast eye and a silver crop of hair – the damn flowers in the middle of the table was obscuring her view. She eyed him wearily, still anxiously awaiting his interrogation, although for some reason it seemed as if he was biding his time.
When the waitress came by, Sakura didn't even have a chance to argue or even speak as Kakashi was quick to order for her. Biting her tongue and digging her nails in the fleshy part of her palms, she counted to ten and refused to make a scene in the restaurant. Giving him one long, cold hard stare (over the flowers of course), she averted her eyes to stare about the cafe's occupants, finding it her only option.
With a scrunch of her nose, she quickly noted it was filled with couples. Couples holding hands; couples gazing at each other with adoration; hell, she could even see some of them playing footsies. She suddenly felt ill. She and Kakashi were the only ones who weren't being lovey-dovey with each other, not that she wanted to be, but always being an outcast was tiring as much as it was depressing. She felt like an onion in the midst of strawberries, growing underneath the soft soil while the strawberries clustered in groups on their vines – all so alike and all so uniquely charming.
Not wanting to stare at the happy couples, and definitely not wanting to look at her sensei, she settled for scrutinizing the table with deft attention. The situation was awkward, she thought decidedly, and she hated feeling awkward, although she should have been used to the sensation by now considering how often she felt it. Glancing up briefly she wondered if Kakashi new this seemed to be a hotspot for couples to go to, and if he did, would he still have brought her here?
Why such an idiotic question filtered through her mind, she had no idea, and quickly envisioned the more logical and realistic image of him cursing every expletive under the sun, hoping against hope that she wasn't interpreting and putting more meaning behind this than there actually was.
The thought made her frown for a reason she couldn't decipher.
Images of last night started suddenly creeping forward, making her cringe and flush in unison. What a curse her mind was! She had been fine earlier, a little apprehensive at first, but that had quickly faded as the training began, keeping herself focused on her lessons and not her little bout of amnesia. But now, with nothing to do and nothing to say, she couldn't seem to stop trying to remember the proceedings of last night.
She wanted to ask, to open him up and dissect the information from him. There was a sudden itch to know at least what happened, to fill the empty gap of her memory that was consumed with fog. But if she told him she couldn't remember, what would he think? It sounded odd – even to her ears.
Seconds ticked by soon turning into minutes, and she still resumed her fixated glare on the shiny lacquered table. Albeit he wasn't known for being chatty, he wasn't completely anti-social either, and she curiously wondered why he hadn't initiated a conversation yet.
Why was he drawing this out – stretching his time like he was stretching her nerves? Was he waiting for a perfect time to confirm all her fears – picking the perfect words and perfect scenario? Was he apprehensive, nervous, uncertain? Uncomfortable with her as she was with him?
Her notions were swiftly categorized as preposterous as she as soon thought them. Kakashi was a man who exuded an aura of confidence from every fiber of his being. If he was going to be rattled, it wouldn't be from a pink haired kunoichi…and yet, there was small optimistic part of her that hoped that maybe she had; and an even tinier part which tried to delude her into thinking that he didn't know anything after all.
But, even if he didn't know – if he hadn't witnessed all the things she kept hidden, there was still the question of why she had almost taken her clothes off in front of him. Everything before that was a mystery to her – a haze – a swirl – a smudge in the annals of her mind.
Did she even want to know what happened before that? Instinct told her yes while fear told her no and reason told her she could find all her answers from the man in front of her.
Getting tired of her own thoughts and memorizing the grooves in the table, she tried sneaking a glance at him again and nearly jumped out of her skin to already find him looking at her. Face impassive, eye of steel, gaze penetrating; she felt as if he was gauging her somehow, trying to read her and see through her. Why did that seem weirdly familiar?
And then, as if sensing her anxiety and recollection of something that should have been forgotten, he averted his attention, leaving her empty and with a strange desperation to hear his voice. Seemed like an eternity ago since she heard it, although in actuality it was no more than ten minutes.
Lunch continued on without incident. No mindless chatter or any acknowledgement of each other's presence whatsoever. The result caused mounds of anxiety to swell inside her chest and quite frankly, it was all very bizarre. Each time she tried to peek at her sensei, wanting to know what he was thinking in that erudite mind of his, she would lose her nerve; just like every time she would open up her mouth to say something, she would close it back up again. How could she talk to the man who probably knew all her secrets?
Half an hour ticked by, and Sakura continued to move and prod the pasta noodles about; trying to arrange a way in which it looked like she ate more than she actually did. Tired of staring at the off-white pasta, she risked a look at her sensei again, and reflexed back when she found him looking right back at her with both eyes – leveled and measured with a striking intensity. Haplessly, she couldn't look away, trapped in the gaze of one red and one onyx eye, observing her with what seemed to be a purpose.
The jolt returned; like a little microscopic lightening bolt going off in her head trying to trigger and reignite a memory forgotten.
"As soon as you finish eating, we'll continue on with your training," he informed her, interrupting the jolt's effort. She knew what he really meant though: 'as soon as you finish every single noodle and lick your bowl clean, then you can leave.'
She suppressed a groan of indignation before ever so slowly began to shovel noodles into her mouth.
It was comical to say the least, watching her play with her food, moving it about her plate in hopes he wouldn't pick up on the fact that she ate very little. If it hadn't been so funny, he would have almost felt dire.
Distractedly he watched as she swiveled her fork in hypnotic circles, wrapping the cream noodles around and around before hesitantly bringing it to her mouth and forcing herself to swallow. The grim expression she gave each time would have made one think she was digesting dog-food.
He supposed he couldn't do anything about the snail pace she repeatedly ate at, unless he dubbed it okay for her to leave without finishing, which he wasn't compassionate enough to do. He was a patient man, and his mind was plenty enough to keep him preoccupied without suffering from boredom.
For an evanescent moment he considered in engaging her in a pointless mind-numbing conversation – maybe to relieve some of the tension in the air which was so thick it made molasses seem runny – but he couldn't. There was too much on his mind, too many questions, too many worries; filling up his brain and leaving no room for any anxiety or consideration in the current present.
There was a debate going on inside his mind, wondering if he should harass her till she was blue in the face for answers, or to rely on his own knowledge, his own experiences, and his own information to come to a conclusion concerning the black swirling abyss nestling inside his student. But assumptions were dangerous things; taking too many shapes depending on how the wielder molded it. He needed facts; something that was more solid than an assumption, butto get those facts…that was where the problem lay.
He could be ruthless and just bring it up – spitting it out and getting it out of the way. Was there even a delicate method of going about it? Probably, but tiptoeing on eggshells wasn't his style, nor something he could claim as one of his forte's.
Thinking over many options and scenarios where he could find the facts without inquiring, he finally and reluctantly accepted the truth of the dilemma, concluding that he would simply just have to ask her, less he force his Sharingan on her again.
Another difficulty would be timing, something he considered to be imperative when dealing with such circumstances. The possibility of angering, embarrassing, or scaring her off were high if not likely, and if she clamped up like a vice, that would be even more troublesome.
Gazing at her he wondered what was holding her back, making her hesitate in asking and questioning him about last night. There was a momentous fissure of her memory missing – anyone would be curious as to why, and the fact that she hadn't even inquired about it was well…unnerving.
"I'm done."
Kakashi snapped his eyes to attention. "Hmm?"
He saw her jaw twitch, probably trying her best to prevent whatever scathing remark which threatened to be let loose.
"I said I'm done," she repeated, eyes ablaze, obviously vexed he had made her eat.
"Want any dessert?" This time her eye twitched. "Kidding, kidding." He gave her a lopsided grin, which she sensed rather than saw.
Her annoyance was abruptly interrupted as she silently watched the waitress, a tall and skinny brunette, give her sensei the bill. There was something weird…almost off, by the way their server was looking at him. It was suspicious, in Sakura's mind. She never paid much mind to such mundane things as to how strange people looked at her sensei before, but she found this new discovery intriguing. And it wasn't just whittled in the women's facial features, but her body language as well. She was leaning, almost pressing too close; a small smile on her pretty pink lips, which one might've called furtive, and a distant faraway gaze behind slightly half-lidded eyes.
She had seen such looks before, although never directed at herself, she stillknew the meaning behind it – the intention – the longing; making her frown and coerce her eyebrows together, unhappy that this woman was being so disturbingly blatant when she was right there in front of her as well.
If Kakashi saw or felt how the waitress was behaving, she would never know by the deadpan expression he gave. But how could he miss such a thing? No, he knew, of that she was sure and there had to be a reason of why he was feigning ignorance.
The wheels and cogs turned, but before she could come up with a conclusion, he stood up.
"Let's go, Sakura."
"No, no, no. Stop!"
Sakura huffed slightly miffed and watched her teacher shake his head dramatically before promenading towards her. "What did I do wrong this time?" she snipped irritably.
"This," he said, grabbing her arm and lowering it. "This is basic but you keep leaving yourself wide open to attacks. If you have this hand up aiming for an attack, keep this one lowered to defend. You concentrate too much on your offensive and not enough on your defensive."
Sakura nodded, storing away the information and embedding it in her memory. She would not be caught making the same mistake twice. She was a quick learner and she was resolute in making Kakashi see that as well. Moving into stance, she watched as Kakashi stood ten feet in front of her, seemingly languid, though she knew his body was tense with alertness to her every move. It was simply a Kakashi thing that she had come to realize.
A sudden blur caught her attention and she quickly lifted her forearm just in time to block Kakashi's fist. God, he moved so fast she couldn't even see him! He kept up his attack at an incredibly rapid pace, forcing Sakura to continuously back away and strain her body to keep up her blocking. He suddenly forced his foot behind her leg, and used his arm and body weight to push her over.
Sakura blinked, not comprehending the situation as she lay on the ground. She coughed a little, trying to regain her breath after having the wind knocked out of her.
"What happened?"
"I tripped you."
"Oh…"
He let out a breath. "Come on," and lowered his hand for her to take. She diffidently grasped his hand, and was easily hoisted to her feet. Brushing some stray grass off her shorts, she looked at him dejectedly.
"Guess you're disappointed huh?"
He raised a brow in question.
"That I'm not getting any better," she clarified. "Even though we've been training for hours I still can't manage to get a hit in."
"You make it sound like it's supposed to be simple."
"Isn't it?"
"As a matter of fact no, it's not simple."
She snorted. "Egotistical ass."
"Pretentious know-it-all."
"Lecherous tart!"
"Petulant bitch!"
The feeling of normalcy was barely cataloged as she stared at him, eyes wider than usual.
"Kakashi, I can't believe you just called me a bitch."
"Oh, and why shouldn't I be allowed to? You call me an ass and a bastard all the time."
"Ya, but you've never called me that before and I'm your student," she said as if that made all the difference in the world.
He chuckled. "Your point being?"
"Being that it's ethically wrong, and besides, you know I never mean it when I call you names…well besides that of a tardy perverted sensei."
He smiled; yes, this was definitely normal. Part of her old self was gleaming bright, trying to peek through the cracks in her titanium wall. Her lifeless green eyes sparkled just a tad, just enough to let him know her shell wasn't impenetrable.
He reached to ruffle her ruddy hair in a spurt of rare affection, but quickly withdrew his hand before making contact.
"Don't touch me!"
Her words still lingered hauntingly, and he gave her a weak smile before walking off.
"Wait up," she jogged up to him, a slight jovial lilt to her voice.
"And you should know as well Sakura," he said plopping down on the pinnacle of a hill, "that I too don't mean the insults I say."
Sakura followed suit, lying close beside him on the grass, feeling it prickle the back of her legs and arms. "Ya, I know," she finally responded. "But it was just a shock to hear you call me that – that's all."
"Maybe if I call you a bitch more often you'll get used to it," he jested.
Sakura playfully poked him in the ribs, hard enough to sting, but soft enough not to bruise.
Tucking her arms underneath her head she turned to look at him, a soft sad smile on little pink lips. She loved these moments when they had their little disputes; neither one meaning harm or injury, but both just liking the feeling of conflict – releasing some unknown pent up frustration that they could both mindlessly vent by bickering about any day things with neither one having their feelings hurt in the end.
She never did this with anyone else, and couldn't imagine it either. She could envision others getting hurt – taking it too personally. Even though these moments were becoming fewer and far between, she still sighed feeling content with the knowledge that she had something special and unique with her sensei and wondered briefly if he was happy with the uniqueness of their relationship as well. She just hoped it hadn't been ruined with the mystery events of last night.
Closing her eyes, she decided she didn't need answers as long as things remained as they were. It would probably just cause unneeded arguments and unnecessary awkwardness anyway.
With that determined she finally felt fantastically satisfied; enjoying the feeling and sound of the slight breeze across the plains of grass; and the random bird calls heard off in the distance. It was nice, she decided, knowing that Kakashi was beside her, content to just lay there with her and enjoy the evening.
"You know, Sakura."
"Hmm," she responded, keeping her eyes closed, enjoying the sound of his voice.
"I'm not disappointed with your performance today at all," he stated, pausing as she opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows to stare at him. "You have potential Sakura, I just hope I can bring it out in you."
Her expression turned dubious. "Are you being serious, sensei?"
He smirked. "Have I ever lied to you, Sakura?"
Her brow twitched, and he scratched the top of his head nervously. "Well about anything important I mean," he said, quickly fixing his mistake. He continued to grin sheepishly under his mask, his hand still in place on the top of his head.
She smiled, one that managed to reach her eyes and layback down on the grass.
She turned to look back up at the sky, watching as pinks and oranges blurred and mended together in beautiful patterns with the setting sun. It seemed as if things were normal again – like that day had happened a very long time ago, or even not at all. Everything was going better than she had hoped for. He didn't seem to know the things she kept hidden; wasn't pushing her to open up to him; and didn't even seem bothered by the fact that she had almost stripped in front of him.
"Say, Sakura."
"Mmm hmm?" she mumbled lazily, half paying attention, too wrapped up in her stroke of rare good luck.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"Talk about?" She paused, feigning thought. "Nope, nothing I can think of."
"Are you sure?" His skepticism was transparent.
She propped up on her elbows and turned to look at him in confusion, but he simply kept staring up at the sky avoiding her gaze.
"Umm, nothing I can think about…" she repeated, eyeing him questioningly, her subconscious raising her defenses in preparation.
He suddenly turned to look at her, his one visible black eye showing nothing but seriousness. "What about what happened last night?"
And as quickly as that, her good feeling came crashing back down to where it belonged. The guy couldn't have just let things go, could he?
Sitting upright, she pulled her knees to her chest and looked the other way. "There's nothing to talk about."
He knows…
Kakashi sat up as well, tucking his left leg underneath while he leaned back on his hands. "I think we should talk about it," he said uncommonly soft and tender – careful not to scare her away.
"I said there wasn't anything to talk about," and pinned her heated gaze to stare at his caring one. He didn't move nor flinch as the silence droned irritably. He just looked back, his gaze never changing and the caring never leaving. Sakura continued to stare till she couldn't take it anymore and tore her eyes away from his.
"Talk to me, Sakura," he reiterated, inching closer, sitting in front of her and trying to judge what she was thinking by her eyes.
She swiveled her head, avoiding his stare. "There isn't anything to tell." God knew she was lying, but what was there to tell which he probably didn't already know?
She heard him sigh, and suddenly felt bad about keeping things from him, especially since he was obviously concerned.
"Alright, if you won't talk to me, who will you talk to?"
As if that person exists.
"I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't need anyone to talk to." Her voice blank but soft, shifting her head to use her hair as a veil.
She saw the movement of him running a hand through his hair; an apparent sign of his frustration. "Why do you hide things from me?"
Sakura quickly turned to look at him disbelievingly; her timid meek nature, frightened at the thought of him knowing, turned bitter and astonished by his hypocrisy.
"Me? You dare to accuse me of hiding things? Kakashi, you are the king of hiding things from people. I know absolutely nothing about you after four years! You tell us nothing! I don't know if you have siblings or parents; I don't know if you're married of have ever even been in love. Hell, I don't even know your favourite food or colour. I know nothing! Absolutely nothing! And you dare to tell me that I hide things from you?" She gave a dry laugh. "At least I'm not the one who hides behind a mask all the time," she bit out furiously.
Kakashi simply stared at her, as she irately expected; giving no reaction at all as she tried to control her ragged breathing from her angry outburst. Her throat felt odd from yelling – not accustomed to being so vocal.
Seconds ticked by and their stare-off continued. The anger from her outburst hadn't diminished and was still bubbling dangerously close to the surface. She was mad and she was hurt, and she was mad that she felt hurt. She wanted a reaction! She wanted to see him recoil and look at her with hurt in his eyes and voice lost with emotion. Hadn't her words meant anything to him? Here she was with emotions erupting and using what little will power she had left to hold her tongue with the promise to explode again, and he was just looking at her! Looking at her as if nothing had happened and that her outburst was just a hallucination. The familiar tingle in her chest exploded, forcing herself to grip the front of her uniform, willing the feeling and tightness to go away before it overwhelmed her.
"Green."
"Huh?" She was still so livid she couldn't comprehend his words beyond her wall of anger.
"You asked me my favourite colour. It's green."
Sakura opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, unsure of what to say to such a statement. Out of all the things she expected him to say or do, that was not it, but then again, she was happy he did. The overpowering tingling in her chest tickled once more before fading back inside.
"Broiled saury with salt and miso soup with eggplant, are foods I prefer." Which was interesting since she had never once seen him eat and or order that."I don't have any siblings, and my parents passed on quite a while ago."
Sakura sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling bad for asking such a thing, even though his voice seemed to remain apathetic as he continued to talk.
"I am not married nor have I ever been. I don't think I've ever been in love. I have not had a meaningful relationship for…quite some time."
The fire in her gaze diminished to a smoldering ash.
"Oh," she said, unsure of what else to say. For once, it was his gaze to shift to concentrate on the grass by his feet. He was probably contemplating and reflecting on all the things that he just told her. It would undoubtedly bring up some old memories. It was odd, being allowed to see such a different and intimate side to him. He seemed almost vulnerable right now considering all of the information he just divulged to her.
"Is there anything else you want to ask me, Sakura?" he asked blandly, finally breaking the silence and lifting his gaze.
In truth, there were lots of things she wanted to ask him, but she held her tongue in spite of her curiousity. She wouldn't continue making her sensei tell her things he wasn't comfortable telling. Maybe he would note her consideration and offer her the same.
She shook her head, pink hair dancing about."It's okay Kaka-sensei. You don't have to tell me anything else…unless, you want to of course." She wondered if that sounded too eager.
He gave a brief nod of his head. The sun continued to sink below the horizon behind him. In ten minutes time it would be completely hidden.
"Will you tell me now, Sakura?"
She sighed. She should have known he wouldn't give up so easily. His tenacity was on par with Naruto's.
"Why don't you tell me what you know first," she countered, although she really didn't want to know. The truth could be a scary thing.
"I saw something inside of you."
His words were cryptic, per usual, but also effective in catching her off guard and making her spine stiffen alarmingly.
"What do you mean?"
He leveled her with a serious gaze. "Something dark – something you're letting fester and rot."
Her eyes narrowed a tad, an element he didn't miss. "How do you know? How could you see such a thing?"
This is where things got a bit tricky. "I used my Sharingan."
She looked at him in a medley of confusion and shock. "You're Sharingan, but…how? When?"
He hesitated. "Last night."
She bolted upright, eyes large and accusing. "Is that why I can't remember a goddamn thing? Because of that stupid eye of yours?"
More hesitation. "No, my Sharingan had no affect on your memory."
She paused, trying to sort through the new facts. "But…then why don't I remember anything?"
"I'll tell you why, as soon as you tell me what it is I saw."
She glared. "You're giving me an ultimatum?"
"No, it's an option, depending on how badly you want to know the truth."
"How about you tell me, then I'll tell you." Well by god if she wasn't frustrating, but you would've never known by his unmoved expression.
"I don't think so." It seemed there was to be a standoff. "Sakura, this isn't a game."
"I know!" She was growing bitter, and his subtle insult of her being immature only stoked the fire.
His brow furrowed and his jaw clenched, aspects too minor for her to catch. "If you aren't willingly volunteering the information, I have other methods to extract it from you."
She looked at him incredulously. Did he just threaten her? The whole concept seemed inconceivable and as soon as she wrapped her mind around that, she had to figure out if the threat was idle or not.
"You're bluffing," she countered.
"Try me."
She tried a different approach. "You would never hurt me."
"Who said I was going to hurt you? I said I had different methods to extract the information, I never said it involved pain."
She eyed him skeptically. "What sort of methods?"
"That's for me to know."
She would have laughed at how oddly atypical he was acting if he didn't look so goddamn serious.
"The choice is yours Sakura."
Sure it is…
She sighed in contemplation, wondering how much she was willing to risk.
"You said you saw something dark and that I was what? Letting it fester and rot?"
He nodded, she sighed. "I think you're making more of this darkness than it really is," she said, giving him a measured gaze. "Everybody has a 'dark spot' inside of them; sure some may be larger and deeper than others, but its still there – they still have one – and I'm positive that even you have one too, sensei."
"Tell me and I'll decide whether I overestimated or not."
She stared ahead of her, pondering her next words. "You're seriously making this a bigger issue than it needs to be," she said, a last pitiful way of persuasion to make him back down.
He said nothing in return, letting her take her time.Turning her gaze she focused on the setting sun, chin resting on her forearms pensively.
"Do you ever get lonely, sensei? Do you ever feel like you don't belong?"
"I suppose, but it's common to feel that way when you're involved in a shinobi lifestyle."
She sighed. "What if you feel like that every second of every day? Is it common then?"
"No, then it's worrisome."
There was a brief lapse in their discussion before she spoke again. "Did your parents ever put a lot of pressure on you?"
"Some, but that was expected."
She paused hesitantly. "My parents put a lot on me although they don't directly say it so much as hint at it. Somehow I feel like that only made things worse." She closed her eyes. "I know they're disappointed in me, wondering why I haven't progressed as quickly as they did at my age. A part of me wishes that they weren't ninja's, at least not both of them. I mean I love them, but it feels like my family resembles more along the lines of acquaintances than anything else – someone I see occasionally when they aren't off making the world a better place."
Jade eyes flickered open, observing the horizon solemnly. "It's not just at home where I feel out of place...even with my friends. I just feel so different from them, so foreign, so alien." She shifted her head slightly, regarding Kakashi impassively. "With you too sensei. When all of team seven is assembled I'm always thinking to myself, 'Why on earth am I here? Why are they so much better than me? Why can I never seem to catch up?'" and sighed jadedly. "I've accepted the fact that you spend more time and effort on Naruto and Sasuke. I c–"
"That's going to change," he said sounding surprisingly firm, making her wonder if he was riddled with compunction.
She shook her head. "Let me finish. I was going to say I can see why though. Naruto has the Kyuubi sealed inside of him and Sasuke is the last surviving Uchiha, not including Itachi of course, so I can understand the responsibility is a lot. I mean, what do I have that's so special that you would be forced to occupy your time with? Exactly. Nothing. And that's okay. I understand. I've accepted it. So I don't want you thinking I resent your for the obligated neglect."
There was a familiar pressure of tears manifesting between her eyes, making her hate herself for being so emotional. This wasn't a big deal, she had convinced herself of that a long time ago, so beaming at him reassuringly, she forced herself to grin and bear it like always.
"So as you can see, this 'dark spot' you saw inside of me is just normal teenage insecurities and trivial depression. I'm sure this stage will pass eventually." She had said the same thing to herself so many times that now it spouted from her like second nature. She could deal with denial; it was so much easier than facing the truth of herself.
He smiled sadly under his mask, knowing she couldn't see it. "Do you trust me?"
She looked at him questioningly. "…yes."
He nodded and scooted closer to her. "I need to know," he whispered.
She grew perplexed. "I…but I just told you." She watched as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Yes…you did." He lifted his hitae up, watching her apprehension grow, circling around him like a tornado.
She leaned back instinctively, voice a trifle fearful. "I don't understand."
He grabbed her shoulders, refusing to let her run. "Just trust me," and she did, so she let him.
A sudden blackness crept from the corners of her eyes, slowing moving inwards and veiling her vision. It was dark – opaque – all consuming, so much different from the haze of last night where ambiguous images would sneak past. Here, there were no shadows, just an infinite darkness circling and curling around her. She looked around sensing a presence, only to be met with nothing. Not even gravity seemed to exist. She was alone –weightless – free, as if she were floating in the middle of the ocean at night.
Her skin all of a sudden prickled from an invisible chill. The air was shifting, changing to a briskness familiar in the fall. A sound caught her attention, it was coming from below. It was faint, deep, only a slight rumble reaching her ears. She looked down curiously, only seeing a black abyss. Something cold and biting quickly snaked around her ankle and yanked, making her whole body jerk downwards.
Kicking her leg, she saw the gleam of a silver chain from an undetectable light source. It dangled from her ankle, falling what seemed to be thousands of feet down before she lost sight of it. She tried to lift her foot, finding she couldn't. It felt heavy; the whole left side of her body angling downwards in response.
The chain yanked again, pulling harder this time, making her head snap back in reaction. The air was a few degrees cooler, as the shackle continued to pull. Desperately, she reached down, trying to pry the metal from around her ankle. She wrenched her hand back, feeling as if she were just seared with a brand. Tentatively, she touched the manacle again, wincing as the coldness pierced her skin.
She watched; part frightened part captivated, as a separate thick-linked chain rose from the depths at an alarming pace. Frantically, she pulled against the one around her ankle, then shrieked as the other one curled around her neck. She felt the freezing metal biting into her skin, as it coiled around her body like a serpent. Other chains rose, going against the laws of gravity, as they clung onto her wrists and wrapped around her body.
She cried out, struggling against her bonds, making them squeeze her tighter in turn. She felt her ankles bruising, her ribs cracking, as an invisible force tried to pull her upwards, while the chains tried to tug her downwards. The rumble erupted once more, a little louder this time.
She felt the presence again, circling her, drawing closer, but still remaining cloaked in darkness. She tried to reach out, to touch the presence, begging for it to free her, but it didn't. It stopped its pacing, and she knew it was watching – just staring at her and waiting.
Suddenly the magnetized pull from above gave out, and gravity was restored. All at once her shackles yanked, and she was plunging – falling – tumbling to her doom. She screamed; the sound mixing together with the clanks of metal.
Her eyes began to water and her teeth began to clatter. The air was getting colder as she continued her descent. The ground roared beneath her, terrifyingly close, shaking and vibrating the manacles that surrounded her. She cried out again and struggled instinctively, ignoring how the metal was crushing her limbs and stinging her body.
She barely registered the presence falling with her, keeping pace and not letting her out of its sight. She looked at it pleadingly.
She gasped; eyes large with pain as she plummeted into black icy water. She tried to scream, tried to cry out and beg but her throat was closed and her lungs frosted over. She was rolling – rolling around on what felt like razor blades and shards of glass, digging and nipping and cutting into her through the chains.
Then suddenly, she stopped falling. She was at the bottom of the ocean; lying down on its rocks; being crushed by its pressure. The ground trembled and shook; thunderous in her ears and splitting open beneath her. The manacles continued to squeeze her bones and the water continued to cut. Her lungs constricted – shrinking in on themselves – lurching forward seeking for air. She was suffocating, dying, and the presence was there, kneeling beside her and watching.
As abruptly as it started, the vision faded, and she opened her eyes to find herself crying.
"What the fuck did you just do to me?" she shrieked, breathing deeply, heart jack-hammering against her ribcage. She felt cold and stiff, her vision blurred by tears.
He shook his head, eyes clenched and mouth pursed. "I'm sorry, Sakura, I should've known," his voice was soft but angry – livid at himself for failing to realize.
She glared at him through the water and dark before shoving him back. "Why did you do that? I told you what was wrong! You had no right!" She heard her voice crack and felt her chin quiver, hating him, herself, and the whole entire situation.
He reached for her but she slapped his hand away.
"I needed to know." She could hear a slight plea in his voice, willing her to understand his reasons, but she was resolute in her anger.
He watched her quickly shake her head from side to side, her fists clenching fistfuls of grass. "I didn't want you to know," she ground out, eyes closed and head lowered. "You weren't supposed to know! Nobody was ever supposed to find out!" Her voice kept rising.
He remained reticent, allowing her to yell at him, surveying her as she carried on her head shaking.
"I'm sorry," he said, voice toneless.
She snapped her head back up, her eyes watery pools of fire. "I don't give a damn if you're sorry," she spat. "I want you to take back what you did! I want you to forget what you saw!"
He couldn't do that, and she knew it as well. Swiftly, he wrapped his arms around her freezing body, immediately feeling her fists pummeling his chest and her shrieks piercing his ears. He didn't care that she told him never to touch her again – he was going to do it anyway.
"You goddamn bastard, don't touch me!" she squirmed – pushed – shoved against him, but he still held fast. "Stop it! Let me go!" He only held her tighter. "I hate you! I fucking hate you!"
"It's alright," he whispered, holding her against him, feeling her claw against his vest and hearing her choke on her tears.
"Why?" she whispered back brokenly, her struggles dying down, "why did you have to do this to me?"
He lifted her onto his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. "Because believe it or not, I do care."
She buried her face into his flak vest, soaking it with tears while clasping the front in a white knuckled grip. "I hate you," she breathed, the words soft on his neck.
He stroked her hair. "I know."
She sniffed, panting through her mouth. "You weren't supposed to know." She heard him take a deep intake of air through his nose, then slowly release it. His arms readjusted, one still wrapped around her torso, the other threading through her hair. His hold remained tight, almost unbearable, trying to seep his warmth into her chilled body.
"Let me go," she breathed, the words empty and hollow.
"No."
She didn't argue, didn't resist, glad he had refused. "Tell me."
He knew what she meant. "It's called Madoi no Jutsu. A Jutsu used by medic-nins to ease pain and cause amnesia."
She absorbed the information. "I've heard of it, but I didn't know you knew medical Jutsu's."
"Only a handful I've learned on my travels and the basics taught to new chuunins and jounins."
She continued to sniff, hating the clogging of her sinuses. "But why did you need to use it?" she asked, trying to lift her head but his arms held her too tight against him.
He hesitated. "So you would relax and lower your guard, enabling me to use my Sharingan more proficiently."
She paused, a thought sparking. "But how did you use the Jutsu without me noticing?"
"When I rubbed the salve for you."
"The salve…" she reiterated, picking her brain, trying to remember. He could sense her confusion.
"What do you remember from last night?"
She sniffed. "Hardly anything. I remember going to your place then falling asleep, but after that, things start getting hazy. Did we talk at all?"
"Only a little."
"Oh…about what?"
"Nothing important."
She sighed, her breath fanning against his neck. "It's so strange, it feels like something you know you're forgetting, but you just can't remember what." Her face scrunched in wonder if that made sense or not.
"Aa…and what do you remember feeling?" He asked, voice a deep baritone, briefly wondering why he just asked such a thing.
She started playing with his vest pockets subconsciously, feeling her body heat a little from the question.
"I remember feeling confused…and nice I suppose."
Nice – an innocent enough word to describe it, she thought. "I didn't mean to yell at you last night," she said, suddenly remembering.
"Awe," he drawled, humor returning. "You remember that do you?"
She smiled weakly, lowering her head a tad to feel his chest vibrate with his voice. "Ya, I remember when the fog left, I felt so unbelievably mad at you." She chuckled meekly. "I can't even remember why anymore."
"Hmm, seems I need to practice that Jutsu. I meant for you not to remember anything at all of that night."
She opened her mouth to respond, but found she had nothing to say. She started pulling the zipper on his vest up and down, listening to the sounds it made mingling with the crickets and grasshoppers around them. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she pushed against him, shame and anger forcing its way to the surface.
His brow frowned. "What's wrong?" and earned himself a glare.
"You made me almost take my clothes off in front of you," she accused, then abruptly felt too tired to continue clasping onto her anger. He loosened his grip, but continued to hold her. "You should have told me that night," she said, eyes sad, voice hurt. "You shouldn't have made me feel like that then just simply kick me out."
The steel left his eyes. "I'm sorry. I never meant for you to remember that."
She shook her head slightly, pinning him with green eyes through the dark. "That still doesn't make what you did right."
He nodded. "You're right. It was wrong of me. I should've handled it better."
She frowned. "You made a fool out of me."
"Forgive me, it wasn't my intention."
She sighed; the conversation was going to start circling around if she didn't let it go. The man could only apologize so many times before the meaning grew hollow. Forcing herself to let go of her grudge, she gazed at the stars, knowing he was looking at her.
"It's getting late," he stated.
"Ya," her voice was barely heard as she continued to focus on the sky.
"Come, I'll walk you home."
She gave him a glance and accepted, placing her hand in his. They took two steps before he scooped her into his arms effortlessly. She didn't fight it.
"I'm alright to walk," she said, feeling she should state the obvious incase her gratification was blatant.
"I know." Yet he didn't put her down.
She didn't argue, instead, laid her head against his shoulder. "Sensei?"
"Hmm?"
She started playing with his zipper again. "What do you plan on doing now? I mean, now that you know…what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing. It's something you have to overcome yourself. If I guide you through this it will be more difficult in the future when you're presented with other such similar problems."
She felt that maybe she should've been surprised or disappointed by his answer, but she wasn't, and closed her eyes.
"Sensei?"
He tilted his head to look at her, seeing closed eyes and a tired expression. "Yes?"
She sighed sleepily, sneaking her hand underneath his partly open vest to warm her hand. "I trust you, you know."
He held her tighter. "…I know."
I hope Sakura's reaction to all of this was believable…I'm kind of unsure. And I hope everyone understood what I was trying to get across with that huge analogy with the chains. Forgive me for any mistakes – I'm kinda too tired and lazy to give it another proofread. I'll reformat and put all of chapter 7 together when I finish chapter 8. So expect the next one in a couple of weeks or so :D
Thanks for reading!