Lesson Eighteen: Quick Accusations
Remus felt as if his whole world had begun to crash and burn at the sight of that paper. Upon reflection, all he could really recall was that the last month had passed much like a hand being run through cold molasses. Yet, of all the events that had come to pass, he remembered not his transformation, nor how they had managed to "accidentally" lock Snape in the confines of Filch's closet for two hours. Of all the things that had happened, it was the foolish run up to the Ravenclaw common room and his mad dash up to the girls' dormitory where he'd managed to get up about ten steps before they leveled out into a makeshift slide and forced gravity to push him back to the floor below that he remembered most clearly. He also remembered screaming that he needed to see Kara and then having a firm, yet gentle hand on his shoulder that offered a comforting touch. He had looked up from the hand and had been mildly surprised to see Alexial with her features set in worry. Her eyes stated only that she understood (to the best of her ability) and also knew that if he didn't tell her what was going on, even if she truly wanted to know, that it was alright.
He also remembered, among the haziness, crying out right before Alexial and everyone else that was in the common room, and how when he had finally gained his composure to deal with the fact that he could not be with Kara he had left. He had left without a thank you to Alexial for her comfort, and walked a very lonely trek to his own common room on the other side of the castle. Once he had arrived inside the sanctuary of his dorm he had said nothing to his mates and they had said nothing in return to him about him rushing out of the Great Hall. After those few hours everything else had become a ridiculous mess that could only be described as a paced rush.
Overall, he assumed he had handled the sequence of events as well as he could have been expected to, what with being twelve and all.
He stared at the front of the classroom, lost in reflection, as he often was when he was in potions class. He watched intently as Snape casually sucked up to the short man with the shaggy beard that was teaching class. Professor Ebersold had taken the temporary place of Professor Lamia. And even though the replacement was generally fairer with the way he conducted the class, Remus couldn't help but want his conniving teacher to return, even if she did act as though she despised him. He sighed deeply as the tiny man went on with his lecture about some new potion Remus knew he wouldn't get, and jotted down the effects that had been magicked upon the board.
Professor Lamia had been seen leaving the castle the day the article had been posted, practically right after their own class had ended. And she had had good reason too, for Remus noted later that one of the names that had been printed in the article, a name belonging to one of the dead…
Kirik Lamia.
Remus could only imagine what had run through his teacher's head when she'd read the name. He knew not whether it was a brother, father, or spouse to her and he neither wanted confirmation in this aspect nor did he even really care. He merely felt for the person he had once (and more than likely would again) wanted dead. For losing someone was never easy.
He heard the bell ring somewhere in the corner of his mind, amidst the ranting of their substitute professor. He blinked hazily as he returned from his melancholy thoughts and stood up from his seat, gathered up his books before he left the room to join his friends.
He slowly made his way across the hall to the window where his mates were gathered talking over something in a hushed manner. Remus smirked slightly as he drew closer to their small group thinking of the things they could be talking about or the possible trouble they could be concocting. Though once he entered his ring of friends they merely looked up at him and smiled. Remus returned the gesture, "What's up?"
James eyes shifted from Remus to Sirius. Remus felt his brow cock upward before he spoke, "What is it?"
Sirius sighed deeply, "The article."
Remus just stared at him, "What about it?"
"Well, we were thinking that maybe we could go to the library and check out the archives of the old Daily Prophets to see if there are any vague references to this people killing freak. Because, as we've said before, things like this have to start somewhere."
Remus just stared at them blankly. Somehow he had known this would happen and now that it had come up he didn't know how to react, "Why?" was all he could manage.
"Because it's interesting."
He stared at Sirius as if he'd spoken in a foreign tongue, "But it's pointless. There are countless Daily Prophets and who knows how many years back you'll have to go. There is a reason they're called 'Daily Prophets;' they come out every day!"
James shook his head at his friend, mildly frustrated with the expected rejection, "Exactly why we should get all of us working on it. The more people we have the more 'days' we can cover. Besides it can't be much more than fifteen years back, heck it could possibly be less even. If we have everyone on a year we could get tons covered even if we just scanned the headlines and obituaries."
Remus felt his face contort and flush slightly as his calm front began to fade, "Do you know how morbid this is?" he snapped. James opened his mouth to speak but Remus cut him off with the steadily rising volume of his voice, "And even if you did find something what are you going to do? Puff yourself up because you found another clue before the Aurors did, or are you going to go run to Daddy and tell him so he'll notice you!"
Remus' eyes grew wide as the final words settled bitterly among the four friends. He glanced in shock at each of them until his eyes fell finally upon James', which showed only a mingled stew of hurt and anger. Remus just stared in shock attempting to keep his friend's gaze but finally looked away with a feeble chance at an apology, which had simply gotten stuck within the confines of his throat anyway.
"You don't have to go, but we are doing this," James stated simply, his voice only hinting at the pain his eyes so easily betrayed.
And with that, James turned on his heel and stomped off to the library with Peter following closely behind. Sirius faltered in his step behind James, looking back only once before he walked around the corner at the end of the hall.
Remus hung his head before he turned the other way and bounded for his dormitory. Once safe inside the confines of his room, he let out a frustrated growl that resembled the beast more than Remus himself. Then within a temporary lapse of judgment he kicked his trunk brutally until all his frustrations could only come up in gasping sobs before he sat down on the abused object and cried into his own hands.
He was sick of covering things up, saving his hide from the unpleasantries of his life, but this was different from lycanthropy. This was sufficiently in the past, and they didn't need to know. Kara didn't want them to know.
He looked up from his hands to the ceiling with tears still clinging unpleasantly in his eyes. Why did protecting his family always end up in leaving things out of conversation? He kicked the trunk once more with the bottom of his heel, as he thought on James never speaking to him again and resolved silently that somewhere this had to stop.
Yet, it wasn't up to him this time. This was Kara's problem; her secret. Yes, it did tap in with him but mostly this was her unfortunate event and eventually she'd have to tell, or it'd only get worse between him and his friends. And ultimately for her and her own in the end as well.
"God, why does everything have to be so bloody complicated?" he mumbled to the void of the room before he stood up and walked to the window where he stood for a long while thinking.
Somewhere this has to end.
"God, what the heck is wrong with him!" James growled out after looking through the obituaries from January 4, 1956 without retaining even one name let alone anything that could have been important. Sirius and Peter looked up from their own copies of the Prophet without a word. They watched as James sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his messy hair.
"I know he's been strange since this last article came out but why does he have to take it out on us! We're only trying to help!"
Sirius' brow furrowed, "He might have a point though."
James glared at his best friend who merely shrugged his shoulders and continued to skim over the paper in front of him.
Peter watched silently as James and Sirius attempted to go back to their research, "What if he's hiding something," his voice was shaky as he said this but once it was out he had the others attention.
"What do you mean?" James stated with his brow cocked upright a bit.
"Just that it's no surprise if he was. He lied to us all last year. Who's to say he wouldn't do it again?"
"Remus doesn't lie." Sirius blurted out upset that Peter would try to make their mate the villain of the piece.
James let out a low laugh, "He doesn't lie like you do," Sirius took his turn glaring at his mate, "he omits things. That's just as much of a lie as saying outright that you didn't do something when you did."
He paused for a moment and felt his brow crease as he thought on Peter's accusation. He sighed deeply, "Peter does have a point. The way he avoids this topic like the plague is just one but he seems… protective about something when he does this-"
"That doesn't mean anything. James, it's like you need something to be wrong with him. Yes, you were right last year. But this isn't last year. It's different circumstances completely."
"Yeah, but there are definite similarities in his behavior. You remember just as well as I do how he acted anytime we accidentally asked about anything that involved his lycanthropy. He does the same thing now with this cult thing."
"And how could Remus be in on this too? It'd have to be through a relative and he doesn't have any." He paused for a moment, and then continued in thought, "Why would he get defensive or want to protect a family member anyway?"
James let the words settled in his head before he retorted, "Sirius, how does it feel when your dad hits you?"
"He doesn't hit me." Sirius growled out before his eyes grew wide and James smirked slightly despite what had just happened.
"See, you hate him but when I cornered you unexpectedly, you lied to protect the both of you. And we even know the truth!"
"That doesn't mean anything! Remus isn't me."
"He does it intentionally." Peter stated.
"That's not what he meant, Peter," James scolded, and then he turned his attention back to his other mate, "Sirius it does fit. Peter may well be right. I don't know how, but it makes sense."
Sirius sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. "So what do you want us to do with this information?"
"Confront him," Peter threw out.
James just shook his head, "No that probably wouldn't work in this case. I think we'll just have to let it work itself out. You know just continue to research, or maybe he'll just come out and tell us…" he paused and looked over at Sirius, "if indeed this does involve him."
Sirius nodded at him and stood up from the table, "I'm not going to get anything else done today."
James nodded back at him in agreement and folded up his own paper, "Me neither, and Remus probably thinks I hate him so it's best that I talk to him anyway." He stood up and placed the paper in the filing cabinet. Peter followed suit and James then led them up to their common room.
Once they had entered their dorm room and shut the door they heard a soft, "I'm sorry," come from Remus who was glancing out of the window at the students wandering the snowy grounds below them.
James smiled slightly, "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it, you were just… upset."
Remus turned to them when James' last word reached him in full. He noticed his stance and he felt himself let out a sigh despite himself at the memory of the train ride home came to his mind. James had the same determined face though it seemed softer this tonight compared to that day.
They knew, most likely not everything but ultimately they knew.
Remus furrowed his brow as they separated and went on to collect their astronomy books. Yet, no inquisition came. No questions. Nothing. He joined them by grabbing his own book silently waiting for them to ask but nothing came. And he was sufficiently relieved to find this to be so.
He followed them out of the room with soft talk of what the lesson was going to be for that night. All the while, Remus kept thinking that they knew but they weren't going to ask about it and the untimely why that resounded after every conclusion that came into his head.
When they reached the tower he fell into his usual spot, finding himself joining his friends in their friendly chatter as every so often he'd glance over at Alexial before he resolved the eventually he'd have to talk with his cousin. He'd have to get her to tell the truth.