Courage Needs You – Chapter #14
When Sakura strolled home – spirits ridiculously high and lips still delightfully tender from Kakashi's kisses – she found a plain white envelope on her doorstep, a letter inside summoning her to meet with the Hokage later on in the afternoon.
Her blithe countenance tottered as her mind kicked up into high gear, fearing and hypothesizing why she was being summoned when it had never happened before.
She was considering going now instead of later, knowing her curiosity would drive her mad when her front door suddenly opened, startling her out of her musings as Naruto stepped through the threshold, looking a little worse for wear.
He looked at her sullenly, eyes tired and heavy from lack of sleep as he took in her faded blue jeans and simple white tank top – the same clothes she had been wearing the night before.
Her heart started thumping with a vengeance – her lungs constricting with the sudden terror that he knew.
"What are you doing here?" she managed to wheeze out from her uncooperative throat.
He looked down, eyes focusing on the porch's floorboards. "I was worried that you were upset last night so I came to see if you were all right. Since you weren't here, I waited."
His confession ate at her heart, making her feel like digested dog food thrown up into a pile of crap. But there was an unspoken question lingering in the air – she could see it in Naruto's expressive blue eyes as he finally locked his gaze on her. She ruminated what was holding him back, making him second guess in whether to ask or leave.
"Ino was at the party the whole night," he stared, averting his eyes once more, voice uncommonly deadpan. She held her breath. "And even after I finally snuck away, she was still there," he continued.
Here it comes; she braced herself.
He turned back to look at her, mien frighteningly hard and unexpressive. "Where were you last night, Sakura?"
The miniscule part of her that hadn't succumbed to panicky retreat, realized that that was the first time he had ever said her name without the suffix of 'chan'.
"I...I was..." her voice trailed, terror careening downhill and gaining momentum. This wasn't right – he wasn't supposed to be here; he wasn't supposed to know!
"Were you with Kakashi?" he asked, cool and collected and totally un-Naruto-like.
Her heart stopped beating, the pallor of her skin turning frighteningly white as fear sunk in her belly like a rock.
She finally turned, focusing on nothing in particular as green eyes coated over with anger and shame. "Yes," she whispered, her breath becoming shallow. She hugged herself defensively, feeling the shift in his aura which made her bite her already swollen lip softly.
"How long?" he asked, voice dangerously close in spilling its rage. She winced, feeling his fury coming off in tangible waves, making her hug herself more fiercely in preservation.
"A little more than a month," she replied then quickly backed up when he tramped forwards, gripping her chin and narrowing his gaze.
Her eyes widened unnaturally, as he brushed his hardened thumb shrewdly across her bottom lip.
"Do you love him?" he ground out.
She looked up at him dumbfounded. "W-what?"
"Do you love him!" he yelled, chin quivering, eyes crying.
She focused on his vest, his hand still clutching her chin. "I don't know," she said, just loud enough for him to hear, trying not to pay too much attention to the guilt that was shredding her insides apart. She lifted her gaze, his eyes boring into hers and trapping her with its intensity. She couldn't move – couldn't breathe, and just when she felt like she would faint from his silent overbearing power, he was gone, leaving nothing behind but the cloud of his bygone presence.
.
She was late, something very unusual for the girl who was anal retentive about punctuality – especially when it came to him, which of course only gave him more incentive to be tardy. There was a thump on his door, thundering down the hallway and into his room. His brow creased in wonder. Hadn't he told her just to walk in?
The pound pound pound echoing through his home drew him upwards on his elbows, realizing the belligerent beating on his door wasn't the usual soft rapping from his pink-haired kunoichi. Quickly slipping on his jounin shirt, mask, and hitai-ate, he treaded down the hall and opened up his door, seeing furious cobalt eyes and two hands clenched in fists.
He didn't show the surprise he felt on the inside by Naruto's unexpected visit; his mind's reflexes on high alert and fortifying himself for the worst. "Naruto," he said evenly, "how can I help you this morning?" He didn't bother asking Naruto how he knew his home address, a gut feeling telling him that that was going to be the least of his worries in a few moments.
"Is it true?" he asked, voice deep and grave and on the edge of boiling over.
Kakashi kept his cool. "Is what true?" He watched the blond's fists clamp more firmly together, the round of his knuckles bleeding white.
"You and Sakura-chan. Is it true!"
Kakashi crossed his arms loosely, seemingly relaxed and tranquil. "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than that, but in the meantime, why don't we discuss this inside." It wouldn't do well if his neighbours heard Naruto's outburst concerning him and Sakura. He had enough problems to deal with as is.
Naruto brushed by the taller man, silently counting to ten in the middle of the living room and using all of his willpower to not pounce on his former sensei. Swiveling around with narrowed eyes, he slid his gaze to land on the unperturbed jounin. It was vexing that he was so calm.
"How did this happen?"
"How did what happen?"
"Don't fuck around with me!"
A long silence followed; the hostility and tension thick in the air.
"Why her?" he grit out brokenly, frame shaking from repressed ire, cerulean eyes glimmering with tears.
"Why not her?" Kakashi countered blandly.
"She's fourteen years younger than you!"
The corners of Kakashi's mouth tightened. "I'm aware of that."
"If you're aware of that then that should be reason enough! What the hell are you thinking!" Kakashi denied a response, further infuriating the new jounin. "Stay away from her."
"I'm afraid I can't do that."
"I wasn't asking."
Another pause ensued, Naruto about to inwardly combust and Kakashi an impressive unreadable statue.
"Naruto I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do or say that would make me stop seeing her."
"I'll tell Tsunade."
Silence, then: "If that's what you think is right, I won't stop you."
Naruto ground his teeth, eyes little pools of watery flames. "Goddamn you Kakashi; I'll never forgive you for this," and stormed past the man he had admired for four years, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the walls.
It was two hours later when Sakura walked into his apartment, looking like the living dead with a white piece of paper held loosely between thin fingers.
She said a halfhearted, "Sorry I'm late," and slinked through his living room to flop beside him on his couch. Her eyes were dazed and unblinking.
"I had a visit from Naruto a couple hours ago," he said rather flippantly. "He was pretty upset."
"Oh…what did he say?" she asked, her battery still burnt out and smoking, incapable of giving more of a shocked response.
"For me to stay away from you or else he was going to tell the Hokage."
"I see..."
He stared at her for a moment. "I take it he visited you as well."
"Ya. A visit I could have done without."
"Did you tell him?"
"He already knew. I guess I was just the confirmation."
He watched her stand up, still doing a wonderful job of impersonating a zombie as she sluggishly walked towards his bedroom. "Where are you going?"
"I thought screaming into a pillow might do me some good."
He didn't argue with her logic and sauntered after her, and true to her word she was screaming beautifully into his black plush pillow. She stopped after a few moments, her lungs out of air and her throat probably sore, as she collapsed on his bed, face impassive as she surveyed his smooth ceiling.
"Feel better?"
"No," she sighed, realizing the only thing she had accomplished was slobbering all over his pillow. The mattress sunk with his weight as he lay beside her, arms relaxed under his head. "How can you be so calm about this?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"I was screaming. That isn't calm." She turned to look at him. "Kakashi this is serious! If Naruto goes and tells the Hokage who knows what she'll do. This is going to be the biggest uproar since Orochimaru attacked Konoha!"
He cocked a brow. "What would you like me to do?"
She threw her hands in the air. "I don't know! Just fix it!"
He abruptly rolled over, hovering above her on a single elbow while his other hand traced the outline of her lips. Her heart started fluttering about marvelously in her chest – doing a great repeat performance of last night.
She gulped imperceptibly. "What are you doing?"
"I'm fixing things," he said sliding his mask down, his lips upturned ever so slightly as he secured her with a kiss – tongue and all. When he pulled back, trailing his mouth along her jaw and the slope of her neck, she opened half-lidded eyes and went to push him off, only to find herself grabbing fistfuls of his vest and pulling him closer instead. She simply had no willpower when it came to this man.
"How is this fixing things?" she murmured into his hair. "Seems like you're just distracting me instead."
"I'm relaxing you so we can talk about this logically afterwards," he said, not missing a beat in his journey along her collarbone. If her mind hadn't turned into a pile of goo, she would have debated his reasoning and shoved him off of her. If she had been really smart, she would have caught the mischievous glint in his eye and never have allowed him to kiss her to begin with; but when his tongue touched hers again, so velvety and smooth, she supposed being dumb and blind wasn't so bad after all.
After a few more minutes of turning her body into a big pile of sweltering mush, she had to agree – she certainly did feel more relaxed. She'd have to remind herself in the future to try and freak out more often.
"All right," she panted, "I'm calm, so now what?"
"So now you tell me what was in that letter you brought."
She cut her eyes to him. "Isn't that a bit off topic?"
"Maybe."
She sighed, having no energy to argue. "It was a summoning letter. I'm to meet the Hokage in–" she glanced at his bedside clock, "one hour from now," and sat up in sudden alarm, eyes growing impossibly large. "You don't think it's concerning us…do you?"
He shrugged. "When did you receive it?"
"I found it on my doorstep this morning."
"Before or after you spoke with Naruto?"
"Before."
He rolled over onto his side, snaking his arm around her waist and pulling her down against him. "It's unlikely then that it's regarding us."
She entwined her fingers with his larger ones subconsciously. "He could have told the Hokage before approaching me though."
"Could have but probably didn't. You said he used you as confirmation and besides that, I think his threat was idle. He loves you too much to hurt you like that – even if it does tear him in two."
She groaned. "Do you have to state it like that?" Talk about a guilt trip.
An hour later she was standing in front of headquarters, hands clutching the letter in a bone crunching grip. On a regular day she would have shied away from the oddball glances sent her way, but as it turned out this wasn't a regular day and the glances were at the bottom of her list of things to worry about.
She closed her eyes and counted to ten, only to find the method highly overrated as her nerves still clattered against her insides like a pinball machine. Kakashi's method of relaxing her had been much more effective – amongst other things.
With a couple deep breaths she strode purposefully into the building before her sudden mettle caved under the stress. She was still worrying that maybe the Hokage did know, that Naruto had gone and told her, and that there was going to be a big long-winded lecture about the morality of being with a man at such a young age. Or worse yet, forbid her from seeing him. Could the Hokage even do that? Maybe she would even give her a lesson on the pressures of sex. She cringed from head to toe at the mental image.
Whatever was about to happen, she knew it wasn't going to be good.
She sat in the lounge area, fingers tapping away against the chair's arm and looking expectantly at Tsunade-sama's temporary secretary. Big blue eyes, chubby rosy cheeks, curly blonde hair – she reminded Sakura of one of those little cherubs you would see in Renaissance painting.
It was three agonizing long minutes later when the cherub secretary told Sakura she could go in, making her back go rigid and her fingers clench shut. Walking in, she saw Tsunade looking at her solemnly with her chin resting on fisted hands, immediately confirming Sakura's suspicion of the inevitable bad news.
"Sakura-chan, please sit down." Her tone was business-like, making the young kunoichi apprehensively obey, her guard on high alert. "I'm glad you managed to arrive on time. I bet you didn't get much rest with Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun's celebration party last night."
She gave a meek polite nod but said nothing in return, knowing the Hokage didn't summon her here to have an idle meaningless chat. The blonde woman suddenly sighed, her business front disappearing.
"There's no easy way telling you this so I won't waste your time by beating around the bush." She fixed her gaze on Sakura. "Two of my men came back from the Grass-Leaf border mission last night, half alive and barely breathing. The same mission your parents were assigned to. There was an attack at the border a week ago, my men identifying them as rogue ninja's, but nothing is for certain as of yet." She paused and Sakura held her breath, watching and waiting for her life to shatter at the Hokage's next words. "There is a good chance that your parents won't be coming back, Sakura. The unit was split up and I have already sent scouts to–"
But Sakura wasn't listening, her ears going numb to the environment around her as the Hokage droned on. They were attacked...they weren't coming back...she would probably never see them again. The words kept cycling around her mind like a carousel, crunching and spitting on the glass shards of her life.
"Sakura...Sakura!"
She snapped her head up, eyes a whirlpool of emotion and tears as her shock subsided enough to enable her to hear once again.
"I'm sorry Sakura-chan, but don't give up hope. Your parents are wonderful ninja's and they might be coming back."
The words were as phony as the Hokage's appearance, but Sakura didn't have the energy to call her on it and nodded her head instead, lips pursed and eyes hard less the tears fall unbidden. She stood up, barely hearing Tsunade asking that she stay as she stumbled out of the office. Dazed and still semi-shocked, she let her feet steer her on autopilot.
Funny how the previous dilemma's which were thought to have been catastrophic, were only a tiny pinprick of discomfort now. Life shattering news tended to do that to a person.
Reaching up she was stunned to find her eyes now dry. When she had envisioned this happening in her mental list of 'worst case scenario's', she always imagined herself curled into a pitiful little ball crying a waterfall of emotion; not walking through Konoha in a state with no idea where she was heading.
She supposed human nature was unpredictable.
After an hour of mindless wandering, her feet managed to bring her home, and the instant she stepped through the threshold, reality sunk in; crawling from the tips of her toes and slithering into the base of her gut, making her hunch over and hold in the bile that threatened to rise. Her eyes grit shut and her knees thumped against the floor falling forward, resting her forehead against the ground with one hand clutching her aching chest, with the other clawing the polished ground.
The pressure of tears was stinging her eyes and making her head unbearably throb – but it didn't matter – she didn't care; she just wanted the suffocating squeezing in her chest to disappear. She was seizing the front of her shirt now, pulling it away from her body and willing her lungs to breathe – her mouth gaping wide, trying to suck in air, only to find it jammed with emotion.
Her chasm was reopening, wedged inside her heart and tearing it to shreds; that icy thick-linked chain slinking around her chest, piercing her with its coldness and compressing her lungs till she wailed out in pain.
She could smell them; their aroma lingering in the carpet and curtains; their voices echoing down the halls; their presence milling around the kitchen and down the stairs.
It was just too much so she let herself succumb to the darkness that crept from her heart and swam to her vision.
And that was how he found her, tear-stained and collapsed on the ground in a loose little ball. He kneeled on the floor, scooping her into his arms and brushing away stray wisps of hair. He whispered her name, quietly at first, then more demanding when she didn't respond. He gave her a small shake – still no response, then lightly slapped her cheek.
She was stirring now, making incomprehensible sounds and subconsciously clutching her shirt in the middle of her chest. Her eyes blinked open unfocused, feeling moist and sticky as remnants of tears clung around her lashes. She peered around her, mind feeling fuzzy and chest constricting painfully.
"Sakura, what happened?"
She groaned, not wanting to be awake and finally centered on the person holding her. "Sasuke? What are you doing here?" She cringed at the hoarseness in her voice.
"I could ask you the same thing. What happened?"
And then it hit her, her expression turning to one of anguish and her lips letting out a pitiful sound.
"Oh god," she wailed quietly into his shirt, the asphyxiating sensation returning once more.
He tried to pull her away from his chest, trying to get her to look at him so he could understand. "Sakura, tell me what's wrong."
Her eyes squeezed shut and her lips pressed firmly together, shaking her head from side to side as her already tear-stained face shed more emotion. It didn't matter what she looked like; what he thought of her – nothing seemed to matter; nothing but the ache in her heart and the hollowness in her gut.
She wanted to scream; to shriek and stomp and wail this feeling away – and she would have if she wasn't choking on her own sobs, crumbling against an addled Sasuke and letting him be her temporary pillar of support.
She was grasping into him now, knuckles turning white from the force, her weeping muffled by the new feel and smell of his jounin vest – and what could he do but hold her back? His mind wondering if this had to do with him and Naruto passing the jounin exam.
They sat like that for a few minutes, his legs developing a cramp from the position and her weight, but it was barely noticeable under the mass of his thoughts; his mind whirling around at breakneck speed, littered with doubts and questions. He felt her grip loosening, her sobs quieting down, her tensed up body relax, and felt his doing the same as well.
"Sakura?"
She remained silent, her frame slumping against his torso, letting his arms support her body. He said her name again, not as patient this time and she simply blinked – feeling drained and drugged and numb to her surroundings.
Why…why did this have to happen?
Her eyes were drooping closed and her heart beat was slowing down, making her wish it would stop all together. No doubt it would be less painful.
He was shaking her now, her body rattling around like a marionette and he the infuriated puppeteer. His tone was commanding, desperate, and worried – voice becoming louder and louder and drilling into her ear till she blocked it out all together.
Why?
"Goddamnit Sakura, answer me!"
He suddenly felt the wind knocked out of him as his body was thrown against the wall, making him cough and wheeze and regain his bearings. There weren't many people who could catch him unaware like that, Kakashi achieving top spot on such a special list, so that's why he wasn't especially surprised now to see the silver-haired jounin cradling Sakura's unresponsive body.
He eyed him warily, trying to patch up his bruised ego. "No need to be so overprotective Kakashi-san. I was simply trying to figure out what was wrong."
The older man's eyes cut to Sasuke's dark ones. "Forgive me then," he said, voice dangerously low and deadpan, making Sasuke realize he was mad in that completely controlled and measured way of his.
There was a moment's pause, each male sizing each other up in surreptitious manner. Sasuke was the first to break. "I found her on the floor unconscious when I arrived. When she woke up she was crying."
Kakashi gave a curt nod, Sakura lying listlessly in his arms, eyes blank and detached. "Thank you, I'll take it from here."
There was no room for argument, an obvious dismissal, and the hostility in Kakashi's aura made Sasuke wisely take a couple steps back, but he refused to submit so easily and daringly pressed forward once more.
"What's going on Kakashi?"
He was spared a narrowed glance, and watched him take Sakura to the living room where he set her down on the couch.
"I'm as much in the dark as you are, Sasuke."
He snorted, arms crossed and leaning on the doorway's frame. "You're always telling us to read underneath the underneath, so forgive me when I tell you that maybe you should have been listening to your own teachings instead of preaching to us 'underlings'."
Kakashi denied a response, always perfectly patient and serene when others would have been bristling from the insult.
"What is going on with you and Sakura?"
Kakashi pocketed his hands, weight leaning to one side and anger still lurking behind his cool façade. "Nothing." Simple – calm – direct, not that Sasuke had been expecting more.
"You're lying."
"Am I?"
Sasuke grit his teeth. "I know you are"
"Where's your proof?"
"The last month!"
"How so?"
"When you sent us away so you could privately train with her–"
"I was training her," he interrupted smoothly.
"How she's been changing – talking more and laughing; gazing at the world with this faraway look in her eyes. It's like she managed to stop digging that pit from under her feet and climb her way back out."
"I wasn't aware that was a bad thing."
He brushed the comment aside. "How both Naruto and I can never seem to find her, or you for that matter."
Kakashi shrugged. "Like I said, I've been training her."
"All through the night?"
"She's been at Ino's."
Sasuke smiled haughtily. "You thought I wouldn't know she was lying?" When Kakashi said nothing, his smile only broadened, egging him on to continue. "How you were the only one she told when she left for her mission – how last night she left with you during the celebration."
"I took her home."
Sasuke chuckled without the humour. "You sure about that? 'Cause when I came here I certainly didn't see any pink-haired kunoichi."
Kakashi straightened his posture, the atmosphere heading towards acrimony. "I think you better leave now, Sasuke."
His face tightened. "I'm not leaving her here alone with you."
"For someone who took such pleasure in slicing her heart to pieces for all those years, I'm surprised you're so concerned about her well-being now."
"Is that bitterness I hear in your voice Kakashi-san?" he mocked. "Do you resent me for the way I treated her?" he grinned. "Well like you said, that was in the past, and none of us are the same anymore."
Kakashi's eyes turned firm. "Just what are you implying?"
His answer was a smirk.
"If you're done with your little tirade, I think you should leave now."
The new jounin clenched his fists, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up to attention as they caught the first waves of an overwhelming chakra. It was profound and heavy, unbearable with its intensity. If Sasuke had been any lesser of a ninja, he would have yielded to the overriding sensation of lightheadedness long ago.
"This isn't over Kakashi," he declared resolutely, walking away with shoulders squared and arms stiff, still finding enough composure to quietly close the front door when all he wanted to do was to obliterate it.
Kakashi eyed the exit till he felt that last surf of Sasuke's chakra, indicating he was now far enough away to relax his stance. He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Two confrontations in one day, being forced to lie to people he cared about, and now Sakura…
He pacified himself enough as to not let emotion overrule him, and squatted on the ground next to her on the couch, frowning at her wet clumped up lashes, puffy eyes, and stained cheeks.
"Sakura?"
No response.
"Talk to me."
Silence.
If he had been a sentimental man, he would have felt hurt by such disregard; feeling that he had a certain right now to hear and have her confide in him. He was glad life had hardened him enough to not feel childish resentment.
When he looked at her, he realized she was gone, sunken in on herself and incapable of hearing or seeing anything behind her ghastly thoughts. Somehow he knew this, causing him to scoop her in his arms once more and bring her upstairs, laying her down softly on her bed. Even now he felt she was better suited under his sheets.
There was a terrible foreboding creeping along the floors and into his bones; his logic and instinct telling him that this was somehow related to her summoning. He gazed at her one last time and walked away, a certain destination calling his name.
.
His face was unreadable; his thoughts in turmoil. "You shouldn't have told her."
Tsunade arched a brow, noticing Kakashi was the only one who had enough audacity to tell her what, and what not, to do. "Don't you think she deserved to know? This is her family we're talking about."
"Exactly. You should have waited. You're timing is cruel."
"Are you trying to tell me there is a perfect time to tell someone their family is dead?"
"There are better times than others, yes, and you don't know for a fact whether they're deceased or not."
She sighed, chin resting on the flat of her knuckles. "She's a shinobi Kakashi – you can't protect her from life and reality. She knew the dangers of her parent's job. I don't want to say she should have expected it but…she should have been prepared for it at least."
Kakashi eyes slit minutely. "Although she tries to hide it, Sakura is an emotional girl. You don't know her like I do; she'll take this harder than most. I wish you would have advised me first."
"She'll be fine."
"She's in shock."
She was Hokage; her word was law…except when it came to Kakashi. Tsunade growled in the pit of her throat, not used to being rebuked or feeling uncertain about a decision she had made. Sense counseled her in agreeing with Kakashi, but pride stood tall and strong in refusing to vocally admit her fault. After much inner bloodshed, logic and dignity compromised.
"In the future I will keep your words in mind and I will try to be more tactful when delivering such news, but you should know Kakashi, an emotional shinobi is not a good shinobi. Since you're the epitome of blasé, maybe you should give her a lesson or two in how to cope with her emotions. As you know, tears aren't allowed on the battlefield."
Yet they happened all the same.
"Tell me about the mission."
She stood up; countenance displaying her depletion as she walked over to lean against the window frame, arms crossed loosely and gaze wondering off to space.
"What's there to tell?" She glanced over her shoulder briefly as she felt the weight of his stare; appearance cold and eyes layered with steel. She hated to admit it, but sometimes Kakashi's presence could be a little overpowering. With her best interest in mind, she relented.
"It was a unit of six jounins stationed at the border of Leaf and Grass. More than a month ago there were rumours concerning Grass wanting to infiltrate the Fire Country, so I sent a squad of chuunins to investigate. Their report confirmed the rumors were false but Shikamaru-kun spoke to me, telling me there was something unsettling with the inhabitants."
"Yes, I spoke with Shikamaru about this."
She nodded and continued. "I considered the matter closed till word got out that a small rebellion was occurring in Grass near our border, so as safety precaution I sent the jounin squad to make sure it didn't expand into our territory. They were to be assigned there for two months, and according to two of my men, three weeks into it they were attacked."
"By Grass?"
She sighed. "That would be the logical assumption, but they were unmarked ninja's; no forehead protectors, no distinguishable clothes or colours, so as far as I'm concerned, it could have been anyone."
"What about their Jutsu's? Did they specialize in any area?"
"From what my men saw, none that could give you any good leads."
Kakashi's thumb stroked his chin in contemplation. "It's not easy to take down a unit of six jounins. Do you think it was planned, that someone felt threatened?"
Light brown eyes turned hard. "It had to have been planned. Unmarked or not, drifter ninja's wouldn't have had the power nor want to direct too much attention towards themselves. It was organized, and someone doesn't want us to find out who or why."
There was a seconds lull in their conversation, both erudite minds mulling over and pondering the information; Kakashi slouched in his chair – Tsunade still camped by the window.
"When will the ANBU scouts return?"
"If things go smoothly they should return in a couple of days."
Kakashi nodded and stood. "I'd appreciate it if you kept me informed."
She made a sound, one he took for agreement and vanished from her office.
.
There was a tingling in his chest and a thrumming in his heart that signified the beginnings of panic but which he interpreted as surprise and alarm. He would never let himself submit to an emotion such as panic.
She wasn't here in her bed, or anywhere in her house. He had checked Ino and Tenten's residences plus Naruto and Sasuke's, who were thankfully not home, and even their training ground and meeting bridge thinking she would go there for nostalgic purposes.
When he opened his front door overcome yet still determined, he felt her presence waif towards him from his bedroom – directly soothing him like a shot of morphine. His heart gave two last energetic beats before turning quiet and somber within his ribcage once again. He heaved a long and thankful sigh, ridding himself from the rest of his consternation.
Pleased – relieved – foolish, were just some of the things he felt as he stared at her slumbering form, tangled in his bed sheets where she always looked best. Pleased that it was his bed she had retreated to; relieved that she wasn't hurt and was simply sleeping; foolish because checking his apartment hadn't been his first priority.
He was glad she wasn't awake – that she could escape from her pain in her dreams and let her body relax from the shock. He soundlessly slipped off any unnecessary clothing, slinking into his bed with just his pants and shirt, gradually pulling her back to rest against his torso. His unconscious need to always touch her was something he could ruminate over later. She stirred diminutively, before settling comfortably in his embrace.
There was a selfish part of him which never wanted her to awake to the horrors of reality which would possibly crush her till there was nothing left but despair. He didn't want to see it – feared that he couldn't save her from it – and cursed the world with its ill-timing fate.
She was shuffling under the covers, the first signs of her rousing. She twitched once then flickered open dull green eyes.
"Kakashi?" she murmured sleepily, shifting slightly.
"Shh, go back to sleep."
The afternoon sun was streaming through, coating her in its light and warmth. She frowned; it just didn't seem right. She felt as if it should have been raining with huge swelling clouds thundering and rolling against one another, spitting down acidic precipitation. Maybe even a tornado or two to complete the bill – maybe then it would compliment how she felt.
She closed her eyes, willing herself to listen to Kakashi's advice and fall back to sleep before her mind could tune in with her emotions.
After a few minutes she sat up frustrated, Kakashi following suit. Her back was facing him, her attention on his comforter.
"Why are you here?" She asked; still sounding like her energy had been sapped.
The question caught him off guard. "Besides the fact that I live here, its 'cause you're here."
She paused questioningly. "So?"
"So I'm here."
She heaved a sigh through her nose, seemingly annoyed and cantankerous. "Why though? Why are you here – with me – right now? What is just so terribly special and addicting that you can't leave my side?"
He frowned, wondering where this line of questioning was coming from. "Isn't it a little late to be asking me this?" This was leading to an argument, he could feel it enclosing around them. When he imagined her awakening, he had expected tears and heart wrenching sobs, not the beginning of an interrogation about their relationship.
"Just answer me, Kakashi."
"I can't."
She cut her eyes across to him, a mélange of shock and anger. "What do you mean you can't? Just answer the goddamn question!"
"Why do you need to know?" he countered. "Isn't it enough that I'm here?"
"Just answer me!"
He sighed and laid back down offhandedly, arms crossed behind his head. "I don't have an answer," he said impassively, eyes sliding to lock with her stunned ones. "I don't know why I'm with you."
"What?" she whispered, his confession making her feel overwhelmed in the worst possible way. "You don't know why you're with me! You don't have any fucking clue?" She felt herself spiraling downwards – farther and farther and almost reaching a point of no return. Tears were suddenly streaming down her face. She wiped at them viciously.
He turned his eyes away from her. "I've seen and experienced a lot of things in my life Sakura," he started, gazing up at his ceiling wistfully, "and though I don't know everything nor do I have the lore of many, I know that there isn't always a reason for everything. That there are just some things in life that can't be explained…and you Sakura, are one of those things. I can't tell you why I'm with you – why I want to be near you – why I want to touch and protect you; because I don't know. I just know that you here, with me, is something I want – something I need." He sat up and cupped her face, his thumb stroking her cheek and brushing away her tears. "Do you understand?"
She was shaking her head from side to side; lips pressed forcefully together with watery eyes squeezed shut.
"But I'm sixteen."
"I know."
"You're my teacher."
"I know."
"This is wrong."
"Sakura?"
"Ya…?"
"Shut up," and he smiled softly at her, guiding her against him where his chest felt unusually tight; something which he knew had nothing to do with her grip against him. Stroking her hair, he mechanically rocked her back and forth, breathing in her hair and the salt of her tears.
She was crying now, hard and uncontrollable sobs which shimmied her body mercilessly.
"Don't ever leave me Kakashi," she cried into his shirt, hoarse and chopped by her weeping. "I couldn't take it." He held her more closely. "Please, just promise me you won't leave – even if you don't mean it, I just need to hear it."
He nuzzled the top cushion of her hair. "I promise."
She sniffed. "Say it again."
"I promise."
Her sobs quieted down a quarter. "Do you mean it?"
"…yes."
And he did.
.
Erg, the cheesiness! Anywho, I'm wondering if any of you are starting to get annoyed of Sakura. I am a little, and I'm the one writing her! So ya, more of the plot is slowly unraveling, and only two more chapters before the second arc. Yay!
A huge thanks to those who review/comment. I love to hear what you love/hate about my story. Great motivation really :D And of course, the awesome Christinarr for betaing (glomps)
DarkElmo – girl you better watch it or you may inflate my ego, and Eris with a swelled head is not a pretty image :P And you say you'd kill for me to finish this? Well how convenient, I have a list right here all ready and waiting for a person such as yourself :) heh, jk. Thanks for the amazingly nice review.
xLindsayx – haha if you thought I was being hard on Sakura before, I wonder what you'll think of me now? Poor Sakura, so many trials I'm putting her through (evil grin)
Tonkeli – More Shika you say? Hmm, I wonder if I can squeeze him in somewhere for ya. And yes I did come back from overseas, and yes I did have a great time. Thanks for asking :D
KaraQ – Bah, I'm sorry your review didn't show up. FF likes to be a brat sometimes. Heh, and you know it's funny 'cause I was talking to Christinarr before about how vastly different chap 12 and 13 are of each other, and I was rather worried how people would take it. I was considering some revising, but alas, my laziness kicked in, per usual O.o Hopefully the little lime made up for it. Hah, if you think Sakura is annoying now, you may just hate her by chapter 16, but we have to be a little lenient with her 'cause I'm not exactly giving her an easy time. Consider these some tests she has to pass :D
Esther – lol you just reminded me of a LONG discussion I had with my beta concerning smut, and all of the clichés and unrealism everyone falls victim too. It's as funny as it is sad. Anywho, my little crackpot, you never fail to amuse me, and I'm horribly sorry I kept you up late when you already had a tiring day. Thanks for taking the time to review. You're awesome :P
Gin Yume – Nah, you didn't freak out. I was just like, "oh god, this girls gonna hate me now!" lol. But just remember, them being dead isn't confirmed (hint hint) Bah, did I just ruin it for everybody now?
Nimacu – "My criminology teacher was a former chief of police from my hometown and rather aware of his own self-importance." For some reason that line had me chuckling for a good while, and I have no idea why I'm fascinated with criminal justice. Must be this whole C.S.I. craze. I swear, I'd be a cop if I hadn't been dwarfed to a height of 5'2 (cries) The unfairness of it all.
And for those of you who love sour things, look forward to a little limey action in the next chapter O.o Mmmm citrus.
Eris