AN: I'm developing a problem, and that problem is my AN's at the bottom like to become progressively longer by each chapter. Awe well, most don't read em anyway, which is probably for the better XD
And ya, lime ahead. Those who get offended by it, just try to skip it. If the general consensus is that it's too vulgar or crude or explicit for this site, then I'll take it off and put a link to it.
Yup. That's it.
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Courage Needs You – Chapter #15
It was cool, the sun's orange rays just peeking at the edge of the horizon. He enjoyed it at this time in the morning – at this time of the year; watching the first beams of light reflect off of the memorial stone.
There was a presence nearby and had been for quite some time. Ordinarily it wouldn't have disturbed him but today wasn't ordinary. He felt frustrated – on edge – his normal patience abandoning him through the back door. Was it justifiable? He felt it was.
The presence was moving towards him now; slow and paced and bothering him for reasons unknown.
"You come here a lot."
"Aa."
There was a soft respite as Sasuke watched the sun peak higher and higher above the valley with Kakashi still focusing on the engraved names. Which specific names brought Kakashi here time and time again, Sasuke would never know.
"I heard," Sasuke stated, his voice sounding ridiculously loud in the thickening silence. "How is she?"
"Not good."
"Where, is she?"
There was a moment of quiet as Kakashi turned his head to meet the boys gaze. "In my bed," he said in such frigid accents that it nearly gave Sasuke frostbite. There was a smoldering glare in his one eye that dared him to comment – dared him to argue.
Sasuke's features hardened as he looked towards the horizon once more. The admittance had caught him off guard while spiking a sudden rage, but he hadn't come here for an argument, although he felt like it was most likely inevitable now.
"I'd like to see her."
Kakashi turned back to the stone. "That's up to her."
"You can't keep her from us!"
"I didn't plan to."
"There's no way a man like you could make her happy."
His eye was on him again; maliciously slit and perilous. He was suddenly in front of the new jounin, sneering down on him and invading his personal territory.
"Why are you here?"
Sasuke clenched his fists and stood his ground. "Isn't it obvious?"
"The only reason you want her is because you can't have her."
"Want her? I think you're jumping to conclusions Hatake."
Kakashi leaned forward further; chakra dancing around him dangerously. "Then what is it that you want?"
Onyx eyes narrowed. "For you to stay away from her."
Kakashi pulled back, amused incense claiming his disposition. "Unfortunately your demands concerning my personal affairs are of no consequence, Sasuke."
"If you won't stay away from her Kakashi, I'll make it so she stays away from you."
Self-preservation urged Sasuke to take a step back as Kakashi eyed him with a predatory glare. "If I even catch a hint of you upsetting her, you'll be sorry."
This wasn't an empty threat; Sasuke knowing if he stayed any longer things might turn physical. He had never seen him like this – the usual composed, collected, and calm Kakashi losing to his out of control inner flame.
With nothing left to say or do, Sasuke wisely walked away.
It was three days later and there had been no more altercations from either Naruto or Sasuke; much to Kakashi's relief and dismay. They had been like family to him – and now there was only hatred.
He was sitting in one of his corner chairs, slumped and relieved that Sakura was finally asleep. She hadn't been eating well and was sleeping even less; every time she would toss and turn and moan distraught incoherent words before waking in a cold sweat. She was falling and he felt like there was nothing he could do to catch her.
Just being there for the girl at every waking hour didn't deem good enough for improvement. It would keep her relatively stable but that was about it – and when he wasn't there, either in the kitchen, bathroom, or living room, before coming back to take up guard duty on his broken kunoichi, he would find her wide eyed and teary, panicked that he had left her.
He wasn't used to this role of caretaker – of having to nurture and comfort. It was alien to him, something he had never been programmed to do, so he wasn't entirely surprised to find his mind plagued with doubt in whether he was doing an adequate enough job or not.
Other doubts encroached his mind as well, such as: was she actually worth this?
This was the fifth time he had asked himself in three days, having nothing better to do since his mind was the only source of entertainment. Was she worth the hatred of Naruto and Sasuke? Of the loathing from the village if they ever found out? Of his reputation being sullied and labeled a pedophile?
There were times when he would think to himself that yes, she was worth it, but other times such as now, he wasn't so sure.
There was a soft rapping on his front door, causing him to rapidly 'poof' from his room and open it before it could wake Sakura. The messenger seemed startled, hand poised in midair to knock once more.
"Yes?"
The messenger shook out of his stupefied trance. "The Hokage wants to see you and also told me to tell you to get a phone."
Kakashi nodded. "Duly noted," and shut his door. He stood in his foyer in thought. It must be about the return of the ANBU scouts, he rationalized, then glanced at his closed bedroom door. He didn't want to wake her but he had no choice – she would be in hysterics if she woke to find him gone.
Soundlessly slipping into his bedroom, he found her still fast asleep – no stirring or whimpering of any kind. Figures the only time she would sleep well would be the time he would have to wake her. Just when he was going to shuffle her, he thought better of it and quickly wrote a note instead; leaving it on the bedside table.
He flew towards headquarters in record time, bounding into the Hokage's office and totally disregarding the current secretary.
"What's the report?"
Tsunade peered up at him semi-amused, before closing the mission folder and handing it to him.
"They found one dead and the other three are missing."
"Missing?"
"Missing," she reaffirmed.
"Any traces that they might be alive?"
"None whatsoever. Not even footprints to track."
He sighed, running a hand through his silver mane. "Do you think they took the other three bodies?"
She leaned back in her leather chair and let out a tired exhale. "Could have, but then it doesn't make much sense that they took those three but left the fourth behind."
He agreed; it didn't make much sense – in fact, none of it did. "So what are you going to do?"
"Even though we don't know the identities of the attacking ninja's, I've sent a letter to the Lord of Grass requesting his cooperation in the dealings with my ANBU as they search within Grass's territory near their border. It's the only lead we have so far. And I've already sent a unit to comb through the forests in hopes that something might turn up."
Kakashi nodded in accord before closing and giving the report back to Tsunade.
It was an hour later when Kakashi arrived home; coming back from the med-building with Tsunade. Although all of the information had been reiterated to him and stored away in the annals of his mind, he had still insisted upon seeing the two wounded jounins who had been stationed at the border. He was told the full statement of their condition and the injuries they sustained, hoping that any of it might give him further clues.
He wasn't quite sure where this fascination from the border mission came from, but there was an unsettling knot in his belly that wouldn't seem to leave, and he knew it wouldn't till this mystery was solved. Not to mention it dealt with Sakura's parents…
With the grace of a tiger, he glided through his living room and hallway before pausing outside his bathroom door. It was closed and he could feel her on the other side. He tapped quietly with his knuckles, ear slanting near the door.
"Sakura?"
There was a muffled, "Come in," on the other side, followed by Kakashi turning his burnished knob.
The room was vaguely bright, no lights turned on with only the sun peeking through the wooden blinds, but it was plenty enough to see Sakura, lounging in his bathtub underneath a blanket of bubbles.
There was no emotion on his face as he toed her scattered clothes, underwear included, in an unreadable manner.
She was watching him equally reticent, head resting back on the slope of his tub.
"Hi," she whispered with a meek smile. "I got your note."
He said nothing, watching steam trails radiate off of her exposed arms that rested on each side of the tub. She lowered her bent knees, filling the silence with the swoosh of bath water.
He took a couple tentative steps forward, giving her more than enough time to forestall anymore movement on his part. "How are you feeling?"
She shrugged. "Better…I think." He nodded, seemingly pleased with her answer. "What did the Hokage want?"
He took two more cautious steps forward. "I asked her to keep me updated on the previous border mission," and waited for her demeanor to waver – relieved and almost startled when it didn't.
"Did you find anything out?" she pressed lightly.
The temperature of the bath had warmed the room, causing a sticky humidity to cling to Kakashi's hair and clothes uncomfortably.
"Aa…I did." He was standing right next to the tub now, thumbs hooked in his pockets and peering down on her in a predatory fashion.
She sunk a little lower in the bubbled water. "Well? What did you find out?" She felt the tempo of her heart kick up a notch, watching him as he watched her, eyes trailing along the length of her arms, the arch in her shoulder, the juncture to her neck. Her breath was slowing, comprehending the meaning in his gaze, recognizing the haze of emotion that was always kept hidden till moments such as these.
His eyes finally settled on hers. "Would you mind if we talked about this later 'cause all I feel like doing right now is climbing in there with you."
She flushed, all the way down to her neck and chest, breathing stopping and allowing her to hear the thump thump thump of her heart.
He dragged a finger down the span of her arm, burning her in its wake as his darkened eyes followed the same trail. "So...would you mind?"
She sunk even lower till the tip of her nose hovered above the water, pulling knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them subconsciously. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, feeling her apprehension circle around her insides; partially frightened to what she had just accepted to.
Just when she thought her heartbeat had reached its crescendo, he peeled off his hitai-ate and mask, dropping it on the floor haphazardly beside him, making her heart beat at rib-cracking speed and power.
Every time she saw his face; the shape of his lips; the beautiful angle of his jaw; she would feel like it was the first time all over again – unable to tear her eyes away from the stunning sight.
Her body was overwrought with anxiety, watching him strip off his gloves and unzip his jacket. His movements weren't slow, nor were they fast – just perfectly purposeful and calculated; nothing but confidence and hunger in his being.
Sakura was the antithesis; shivering in the stifling bath, hugging her knees to her chest and looking at him with a childlike interest and fear.
When Kakashi wasn't impartial – when he let himself display whatever emotion he was feeling at the time, whether it was anger, happiness, or lust; it would simply be totally domineering and powerful in that completely controlled way of his. The outcome would always make her mouth go dry and her throat become tight.
When he slipped off his shirt, she was glad her gaping mouth was underwater with the bubbles shielding most of her awed expression. She was hollering to herself that this is where she should turn away and give him some privacy, but her eyes weren't listening – glued to his masculine physique; tracing the outline of his muscles; memorizing the shape and placement of his scars.
She didn't see the dark amusement dancing across his mismatched eyes; entertained because he knew of the effect he was having on her. When he reached for his pants, modesty clicked inside her brain, making her swivel her head and gawking expression; eyes clenched shut and biting her lip underwater.
She tried not to listen to the shuffle of fabric as it landed with the other discarded clothes; tried not to freak out knowing he was probably standing stark naked before her with no sense of humility whatsoever; tried to remember why she had agreed to his daft request in the first place.
She jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Would you move up a bit for me?"
Not trusting herself to answer, she scooted forwards; knees to chest and eyes still closed. Her heart was now performing its own personal drum-line in her chest cavity – hearing and feeling the water rise as he took his first step behind her, pursued by the other shortly after.
The water bounced around her, the bubbles tickling her nose, every muscle in her body tensing as he was now fully positioned behind her; one leg outstretched while the other was bent by her shoulder.
"Are you alright?" he asked, humour betrayed in his voice. She on the other hand, didn't appreciate his amusement. It was aggravating how calm and nonchalant he was. He leaned forwards, water sloshing around them as he placed large hands on small shoulders, torso pressing lightly into her back.
Her whole body went iron-board stiff, eyes finally snapping open to the size of one dollar coins.
"Relax," he whispered, laughing tone disappearing. Easier said then done, she thought, her frame going impossibly rigid as he guided her back further against his chest, forcing her arms to unwind around her shins and instinctively cross against her breasts.
She could practically feel every curve of his corded muscles engraving the flesh on her back; feeling the expanse of his solid chest, hard, hot, and slick with water.
She considered herself pretty mature for her age, but this just attested to be a new league of maturity that she had never set bounds into before. It was as frightening as it was thrilling – however she was still waiting for the thrilling part to kick in.
He was kneading her shoulders now; perfect measured strokes that made her tingle all the way down to her pruny toes.
"Are you feeling up to going out after?"
She sighed; loving the way his voice would rumble into a deep sultry bass. "I'm not sure. What did you have in mind?"
She felt him shrug. "Nothing in particular."
Glancing at the closed blinds, she saw the suns rays peeking through weaker than before, taking on the beginnings of an orange hue.
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," she said, regretful and soft.
His brows knit together. "For?"
"For the last few days; being the way I was. I just couldn't control it."
"Sakura, you don't need to apologize. It's unnecessary."
She paused, shoulders slumping. "Maybe so, but it felt like I was pushing you away…like you were drifting somehow." He said nothing, continuing his massage. "You were having doubts about us…weren't you?" her voice was hollow, yet faint.
He stopped his motions for a beat. "Aa."
She tensed minutely, shocked by his agreement. "And now?"
"None at all."
She frowned. "But you did."
"Yes."
Her brows scrunched in a beleaguered fashion. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Just that I had a momentary stage of weakness and uncertainty."
"How do I know it won't happen again?"
"You don't."
She twisted incompletely around, fixing him with a slightly narrowed gaze. "You aren't being very reassuring."
He smirked, making her forget for a fleeting moment that she was annoyed.
"Forgive me."
"And if I don't?"
His hand was instantly on the side of her face – holding and drawing her mouth to meet his own. Soft – tender – affectionate; lips massaging against lips.
When he pulled back slowly – always hesitantly – her eyes were muddled and her heartbeat had slowed down to a crawl.
"You know," she paused, licking her lips, tasting his tongue, "you can't always do that to avoid confrontation."
He angled her head to the side, sweeping away water-logged pink locks to brush his mouth along the column of her neck.
"You're ignoring me," she whispered, not entirely caring, eyes closing involuntarily.
His hands were gliding down each of her arms in a synchronized fashion, reaching her wrists and pulling them away from her body. His lips were sucking the flesh above her pulse – hot and searing while the rhythm drummed against his tongue.
Her fear and apprehension had petered away to nothing – replaced by that numb dumbstruck feeling that always assaulted her mind when he touched her.
Her arms were at her sides, lying limply on the top of his thighs as his hand cupped the top column of her neck and dragged it downwards; creeping between the valley of her breasts to splay across the expanse of her belly.
Her breathing was haggard – something she always expected and had become accustomed to when his mouth and hands were on her – hot and firm and speaking to her in wantonness tones that words could never convey. She felt his digits circling around her navel, her stomach clenching in knots. She was gripping his thighs now, an unconscious act for support.
A sound escaped past her lips, something she catalogued as a moan when his other hand brushed along her hip – grasping it and stroking her with the pad of his thumb.
Her head had lounged back now, resting on the edge of his shoulder as she panted into the trunk of his neck. God, he smelled good – he always smelled good as she breathed in distinct Kakashi – delicious and warm and something forbidden.
Strong hands were bold yet languid in their movements – taking his time as he familiarized himself with the feel of her body, unaware of the electrifying trail his fingertips brought against her skin. Brushing along the underside of her breasts; waltzing on the inside of her thighs – always so dangerously close yet never touching where he wanted to touch most.
She questioned herself in whether she would stop him if he tried; ruminated how he was able to eradicate all her morals and principles when she had spent her entire lifetime perfecting them.
Suddenly her back went stiff and her breath hitched in her throat. She gulped, trying to swallow down the lump of realization that effectively blocked her windpipe. She could feel him, hard and hot at the small of her back. Her breathing turned shaky, not scared but nervous – anxious – hesitant and worried and so many other things that her brain couldn't comprehend – wouldn't allow her to grasp.
Abruptly and too quick for her foggy mind, which was undeniably his fault, he was out of the tub, back faced toward her and wrapping a towel around his narrow waist. Turning on a fulcrum he bent down and scooped her out of the tub, making her shriek and cover her essentials to the best of her abilities in such a situation.
She was looking at him panic-stricken, voice lost in confusion and terror as he strode out of the bathroom to his bedroom and dumped her on the bed unceremoniously, where she then quickly scurried under the covers like a weasel in its burrow. And then just like that he left, heading back towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him without so much as a backwards glance.
Pausing momentarily to shake out of her stupor, and to make sure he wasn't coming out, she took the bed sheets with her and ransacked his closet and drawers, searching till she found a nice big black shirt that fell to her on mid thigh. Hurriedly, she crawled back onto his bed, sitting there and waiting with his blankets shrouding her frame protectively.
It was five minutes later when he reappeared, with her still hyperventilating to a small degree, watching as he walked into his bedroom still sporting the same white towel and heading towards his closet where he continued to pull out his typical jounin pants. Slipping them on under the towel, he turned towards her, regarding her for the first time since he snagged her out of the tub.
Her eyes were still wide, indecisive and puzzled by his actions. Unperturbed he walked over and sat on the end of his bed, expression sober with his usual boisterous hair weighed down by water.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have rushed things like that."
She wasn't sure whether to nod that yes, things had taken a giant leap forward, or shake her head that no, he shouldn't be apologizing for something that had although been hasty, had felt so right at the same time. In the end she did neither.
"What were you doing in the bathroom?"
There was a moment's hesitation; her, tipping on the edge of curiosities seat; he, trying to choose his words carefully.
"Something you aren't ready for."
She was bewildered for only half a second before the dawn of comprehension sunk in, making her cheeks flame and her body tingle for unfamiliar reasons. It didn't take a genius to read between the lines. She bent her head down and hoped her face didn't appear as hot as it felt.
A change of topic was definitely in order.
"Can you tell me what the Hokage told you?"
He eyed her; something akin to worry in his gaze. "Are you sure you're alright to talk about it?"
"Yes," she said, not as confident as she desired.
"Very well. Out of the six man team, one was found deceased, two returned wounded, and three were reported missing."
She steeled her eyes on him, proud when her voice didn't crack. "And my parents?"
"Are two of the three that are missing."
"When you say missing, do you mean they could be alive?"
"Nothing is for certain as of yet."
Her eyes lit up, unable to control the hope that swelled in her heart. "But it's a possibility right?"
He sighed. "It would be best if you didn't have any expectations as of yet. You might only hurt yourself more in the long run."
Her mind listened but her heart obstinately ignored him; inflating against her better judgment.
"There's something else I need to tell you," he said, regaining her attention. "I had a little chat with Sasuke, twice actually, and to put it bluntly: he knows."
"About us!...but how?"
"It turns out we weren't as devious as we thought."
Her shoulders slumped, her eyes drooping in proverbial thought. "Does he hate us now?"
"He hates me, not you."
Her lips twisted unhappily, wondering how he could say such a thing so casually. "Do you think there are others?" He shrugged, a little too offhanded for her liking. "Do you think Naruto or Sasuke will tell?"
"Unlikely. Like I said before, Naruto cares too much about you to hurt you like that, and Sasuke? Well he isn't exactly your average social butterfly, and you might not know it, and even refuse to believe it, but Sasuke cares about you also."
And he left it at that, and she didn't prod any further.
.
A knock on his door: a dreary sigh escaping. He didn't want to move, in fact, wasn't even sure he could. After finding about Sakura's parents, and then running into Sasuke, he just felt drained – soulless – a body alive but not really living.
He felt oddly numb on his side; his arm asleep under his head; the sun too bright through the window. He heard his door open, the soft gait of someone's footsteps, paced and unhurried and heading towards him.
"Aa, so you are here."
He recognized the voice. "Why are you here Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, voice sounding strange to his own ears.
"I was wondering if you've seen Sakura. Ino's on a rampage trying to find her ever since she heard…" he trailed, unsure of how to word the rest of the sentence.
"I haven't seen her," Naruto relayed monotonous. How could he when she was with him, according to Sasuke. How could he talk to her, never mind comfort her. How could he face her and pretend that he wasn't angry or hurt by their deception, their lies? To look at her, into her eyes, and know that he wasn't good enough – wasn't what she wanted and had finally found someone she did. He couldn't do it, at least not yet when the pain was still so raw.
"Really? That's…odd," Shikamaru said, words alluding further. Naruto didn't have the energy to care. "Do you know where she is at least?"
Blue eyes closed; jaw clenching shut. "No," he ground out, trying to purge the image of truth from his mind. Why was he protecting them when it would be so easy to hurt them? To retaliate and mirror some of the pain they inflicted on him.
Why?
His fists clamped, he not even feeling the digging of his nails as they imprinted tiny half-moons into his palms. He knew why, was helpless in deceiving himself of the fact. It didn't matter how much fury and torment she caused him, he couldn't hate her, and he couldn't bring her pain; no matter how much the darker side of him wanted to.
"Alright, well I'm sorry to have bothered you," he said, eyeing the length of Naruto's back suspiciously; contemplating in whether to stay and prod Naruto in telling him what was wrong. Figuring it wasn't his place, and interrogation too tiresome, he left; his conscience feeling heavy as he did so.
.
Four more days passed by, slowly and excruciatingly due to the knot of anxiety that fettered around her insides; frigid fear and hot hope adding to the concoction. Ever since Kakashi had informed her of her missing parents, an idea had formed – a crazy, preposterous, moronic idea that didn't seem so outlandish the more she thought about it, and even plausible and doable if she had been feeling particularly assured at the moment.
Two more days slugged by, the knot of discomfort only increasing tenfold – growing so large that she was unable to eat or straighten her back.
"Sakura?"
"They're alive," she stated, firm and resolute, sitting by his windowsill.
He tried to hide his exasperated sigh. "You don't know that."
"I do."
He stepped behind her, arms snaking around to hook his thumbs in the front of her pants. "Come on, let's go ge–"
"I want to look for them."
His posture stiffened diminutively and his expression bordered on grim. "What do you mean you want to look for them? Tsunade-sama has already sent a search team."
"Ya, but you said they are only searching near the Grass border and the rest of the Fire Country. What if they aren't even in Leaf?"
"If the ANBU can't even find them, what makes you think you can?"
She shrugged serenely. "I'll find a way."
He grabbed her hips and turned her around, a little more roughly than he had intended. "Sakura, you're being unreasonable. Are you aware of the implications your making?"
Her visage was hard, nothing but a somber air surrounding her. "I'm aware."
He pulled back, head shaking back and forth. "Never, I won't allow it. Tsunade-same would never allow it!"
She turned to her side, lips forming a hard line and lackluster green eyes becoming introverted. "I don't need yours or her permission." So strong, so leveled, so resolved.
"That's enough Sakura. We're not discussing this anymore."
The rest of the day continued on with awkward avoidance – words scarce and when spoken; chosen vigilantly. She debated in the prospect of leaving, the only hideaway available being her house – which certainly didn't feel like home anymore, and she wondered if it ever did.
The stench of frustration was clinging to his skin, rolling off of him and brushing along her senses when he walked by. She was too mind-warped by her own idea to care. The likelihood of their porcelain affair breaking seemed probable if not expected.
She wondered about the severity of his doubts right now – she, sprawled on his impossibly comfy couch, waiting for him to approach her as the bearer of bad news; stating in impartial bland tones that they were better off apart, with maybe a smidgen genial so she wouldn't cry.
So sitting on his sofa with nothing better to do, she waited, since her life seemed to be in some horrible standstill disallowing her to move and take that first progressive step forward.
She had meant what she said to him; every word, all her will; that niggling little instinct, woman's intuition if you may, hammering inside her skull like little elves with little elfish ice picks. They were alive. They just had to be, and she wouldn't be satisfied until she saw them.
Frustration suddenly nipped at her bones; frustrated because of this asinine scheme that had tiptoed past her defenses and nestled inside her mind where it reproduced and grew so large that it could no longer be ignored – and kept on growing till the other parts of her brain concurred less they be overrun. And why couldn't Kakashi have been a little more supportive of her idea? Albeit it wasn't brilliant, he didn't have to go and put his angry mask on.
Her limbs started twitching, her body jumpy and edgy, filled with an uneasy restlessness caused by being cooped up in his apartment for too long. Even the idea of training was sounding appealing.
She suddenly bolted forwards, a surge of vigor sweeping forward due to her irritation. No longer was she upset, panicked, and distraught at the idea of her parents lying amidst nature becoming one with the soil, because deep down in that part of her that never made sense, she knew that that wasn't what was happening. Now she was purely anxious, restive to leave and search for them instead of waiting idly by for either good or ill advising news.
"Where are you going?"
She jumped at the sound of his voice before glaring icy daggers in his direction. "Out, I need some fresh air."
He nodded. "I'll come with you."
She padded towards the front door. "That's unnecessary. I don't need company." It felt weirdly good to be bitter and a little snippish – she blamed it on her restlessness and pent up energy.
"All right," he said, her comment brushing off of him like dust.
She had been hoping for more of a scene or reaction, but supposed maybe this was for the best as she hopped down the stairs and greeted the darkening sky outside.
Strolling the streets with an indolent stride, she breathed in big gulps of air, enjoying the slight coolness of the evening. A presence interrupted her gusto of the night, making her halt and swivel around to face one curved eye and a lot of silver hair.
"What are you doing? I said I didn't need company!"
A silvery brow rose. "I felt like going for a walk too."
She growled in the base of her throat. "Well walk somewhere else."
"It's merely a coincidence that we're heading in the same direction."
She huffed. "My ass it is."
All her remarks were halfhearted with an undercurrent of humour lacing the bottom – feeling good that some of her energy had been expended with faux aggravation. Truthfully, she enjoyed the company, but he most likely already knew this.
Somehow, her feet brought her to their glade with Kakashi still 'coincidentally' hounding her steps.
"Let me guess, destiny brought you here as well?" she teased.
"Funny how fate works, huh?"
She only shook her head, amusement fading. "You know I was serious earlier," and wrapped her arms around herself, green eyes focused on the moon. "I'm going to find them."
"What if you find their corpses instead?"
She was surprisingly not startled by his comment, had expected it to leave his lips as a statement to discourage her. "Dead or alive; closer is closer."
"You seem to be taking this much easier now." It wasn't a compliment, just an observation.
"It's because I know they're alive."
He sighed, as if this conversation was taxing him. He couldn't work his brain around the fact that this brilliant girl was being so thick-headed and stubborn under the pretext of hope.
"You said it yourself Kakashi; ninja's should listen to their instincts and my instincts are telling me to leave Konoha and search for them."
There was a rumble of provocation in the pit of his chest as he pulled down his mask, twirled her around by the shoulders, and hastily kissed her.
When they separated, she was staring at him stupefied. "What was that about?" Not that she was complaining.
He ran a hand through his silver spikes. "I can't help it. You frustrate the hell out of me."
She wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "So does that mean you're breaking up with me?"
He jerked his head a little in surprise, giving her a disbelieving look. "Why would you think that?" he asked, sounding a smidgen incredulous.
She shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought you were. I was kind of waiting all day for you to kick me out of your apartment."
"Although I'm not entirely pleased with you at the moment, it doesn't give me enough basis to leave you."
She sighed. "You're the only thing in my life right now Kakashi which is making me second guess my decision in going. I don't want to lose you but I know I can't keep you either."
He shook his head. "You don't need to worry about that because you aren't leaving."
Soft pink lips pressed together firmly. "You can't stop me."
Eyebrows reached toward his hairline. "Is that a challenge?"
"No, it's a fact."
"It'll be a fact when you do indeed get by me." Which they both knew would never happen. "Why are you so intent on searching for them anyway? I don't mean to sound degrading, but you're only a chuunin. What hopes do you think you have in finding them?"
More discouraging questions and truths, but Sakura refused to let it faze her. "You don't understand," she said incisively.
"Try me."
Her jaw clenched. "I owe it to them."
"Or is it that you need to prove something to them?"
Her frown was instantaneous, face scrunched in deliberation and trying to refute the truth of his words.
"The last moments I saw them," she started, eyes downcast and lost in her memories, "we all sorta had an argument. I was upset 'cause they were leaving again and my father was lecturing me on the foundation of a shinobi – telling me that the village will always come first, and I guess…well… I was jealous," and she laughed a little, the sound coming out more sadly than she intended. "Silly huh? Me being jealous over a village, but I couldn't help it. I guess I just wanted their attention, and when he told me I was selfish…I hated them! Truly honestly hated them; for not understanding; for their obligated neglect; for their pressure; for their putdowns and expectations. It all just started resurfacing like one big tidal wave and I couldn't control it! It was only for a few seconds until it passed…but they had already seen it." Her words quiet, regret clinging onto her like saran wrap. "So that's why I know they're alive because they just can't die thinking that their only daughter hates them. It just can't end like that."
She knew her reasoning echoed that of stupidity, but she didn't trouble herself with that at the moment; she just had to believe that they were alive – it was the only thing keeping her upright and sane.
"I'll talk to Tsunade-sama in the morning," he sighed, utterly hopeless when it came to her.
The smile she gave him displayed all of the gratitude she could muster.
.
"Have you lost your mind Hatake!"
"Don't lecture me as if it was my idea. Just tell me no so I can go tell her no."
"Well obviously my answer is no! What does she possibly think she can do? I have some of my best men scouting the country right now!"
"She doesn't think they're in Leaf."
"Well until my men have explored the whole country, then I will send them further into Grass. The Lord already isn't happy with Leaf treating them as suspects. Jesus, why are we even talking about this! She's a lower rank chuunin for crissake!"
He ran his hand back and forth through his hair vigorously; a sound of frustration emanating past his lips. "Look, I already know all this and believe me, I have the exact same sentiments as you do, but I told her I would ask you anyway."
"Well she has my sympathy and my answer. Give her my regards."
Sighing, he left.
.
Something was unusual. She was too composed – too laid-back, not enough tetchy or morose emotions to make this situation feel right. She simply listened then nodded her head after he informed her of Tsunade's answer. Even he, known for his perception and observational skills couldn't detect anything but flat indifference from his insipid kunoichi – it reminding him of himself to a disturbing degree.
The next day there was a jounin meeting, making him feel extremely hesitant in leaving Sakura to her own devices. She was making him bloody paranoid – and he never felt paranoid. Things were starting to take more of a resemblance to a babysitting job than an intimate relationship.
"I'll be back in an hour so don't go anywhere." He felt like he was talking to a child…or a dog, he couldn't tell which, and the fact that she remained unfazed only heightened his suspicions as well.
Throughout the whole meeting his mind didn't stray far from pink hair and green eyes – his foot tapping impatiently, his gaze lingering on the door way. This wasn't good, he couldn't allow himself to be distracted and gave himself a mental lecture, but just like the councils words, it went in one ear and out the other, as if there was a freeway in his brain disregarding everything not Sakura related.
He wasn't used to feeling this anxious – this restless, and as soon as the meeting was adjourned he was sprinting at an ungodly pace back to his apartment; a terrible foreboding gathering in his stomach like a rain storm.
Even before he opened his door he knew she wasn't inside – feeling no sense of her aura or the familiar tingle of chakra.
She was gone, and the only thing she left behind was an insincere note stuck to his fridge saying, "I'll be back soon."
He crumpled the gossamer piece of paper in a knuckle popping grip and threw it away in his waste basket. Sitting on his couch, he eyed his door with a feral glare, waiting for her return.
.
AN: Tsk tsk Sakura, look at what you're putting poor Kakashi through. Alright, so some of you thought she was too emotional in the last chapter, and some others didn't, and as for me? While I have to keep just reminding myself that she thought her PARENTS WERE DEAD! I don't like crying, not in real life or in stories but alas, I felt her breaking down was unfortunately necessary. I mean, how would you react if you thought your parents had been killed? Bah, no more justifying!
And for those of you who are expecting Sakura to suddenly blossom into this strong capable character, filled with confidence and self-assurance, well, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you because I just don't see that happening over night, but over a period of time which I'm trying to build to. For a couple years she has seen herself as weak, has experienced this sort of mild self-loathing, and it's going to take time for her to change. Right now she's in a sort of rut – testing her resolve to be strong since Naruto and Sasuke just graduated to jounin, and because of the news of her parents – she has to learn how to cope with this. I don't plan on making things easy for her, 'cause well, life ain't easy :D
That's basically what the whole mission arc will be about – her wanting to change, willing to change and become the person she wants to be through trials and experiences and Kakashi. Believe me, I don't like her being like this either, but even so, I don't plan on rushing things – although it is tempting. That's the feminist side of me speaking XD
Roark28 – ahha damn you're good at guessing at what's going on in my mind. Get outta my head:D So ya, that's basically what's going to happen for the mission, although it's far more complicated that even I have trouble understanding it myself…if that makes sense? And for Naruto and Sasuke, they will be involved, but probably not in the way you're imagining. Gar, I wanna tell you what's going to happen so I'm shutting up now before I spoil it! Thanks for reviewing (glompity glomp)
KaraQ – nah, don't feel bad. It's the nicest criticism I've received, and I was thinking the same thing as you anyway lol. Is Sasuke a little more clear now? It seems I may have made him into a paradox, although he does vaguely state in this chapter he doesn't want her like that. And Sakura is jeopardizing their relationship, that little brat, but don't worry, Kakashi is far too adamant to her go that easily :P
Christinarr – ya, FF changed a lot of things around. I'm not too sure I'm fond of this hit counter thing, although it is fun to watch it increase all the time, it just proves how many people read and don't leave reviews lol Ah well (chugs back a margarita with ya) you can't win em all…whatever that means…
Active-heart – well if you do find any spelling errors I want you to do two things for me. Yell at my beta for missing it, and tell me where it is :D lol jk, don't yell at my beta…only I may get that special privilege XD (hugs Christina)
Violet Gerald – you know, I wish I was smart enough to come up with a really good reason as to why they snuck away from the celebration party, and thinking for a few minutes, I just gave up and reduced myself to using the scapegoat of hormones. Although you could view it as Kakashi noticing Sakura was miserable there, and decided to take her away where things just kinda led to another…heh, you'll probably notice more things like that in future chapters. This chapter probably being a good example. Anywho, thanks for the really nice review, and I'm glad I brought you back out somewhat into the world of fanfiction:D
Demetre1 - Thanks for the critique, but what I'm trying to get across is that yes, Kakashi does have an unusual amount of self control, but just not when it comes to Sakura :D I've been trying to lead up to this understanding with examples like: when he first invited her over to her house and the whole balm thing, how he 'attacked' her in the field after training, how he confessed to her, and how he stole her away from the celebration party. If he had had his customary self-control, then, I don't think he would have done any of those things, but as it is, it still may have been a bit harsh for him to have thrown Sasuke. I agree with you there :P Hopefully I'll be able to further bring about this understanding with future chapters. Thanks for your honesty.
Panic – Wow. You're review was nice – too nice! And it had me grinning like an idiot all day. I appreciate it sooo much that you took so much time to tell me what you think. Your review was just so…insightful and poetic and I felt like I was reading a comment by a professional editor. It's definitely one of the nicest I've ever received. Blah, I've always been crappy at expressing my gratitude . Oh ya, sorry I kept you up so late lol. 'Hoot hoot' goes the nocturnal owl.
Su – Wah, so many nice reviews! And I feel so inept 'cause I can't describe how stupidly happy your words made me. It had me laughing and grinning and gushing all over the place. I never knew my story gave off the vibe of addiction 'cause I don't use cliffhangers, although this chapter has a little bitty one. But I know what you mean when you just ignore everything. There's a been a couple stories like that for me, and unfortunately one of the authors discontinued and even took her story down (cries) So don't worry, I really plan on finishing this story, although my muse is harder to track down now, I won't give up! (Does nice Gai pose) You have my word on it. And ooo, did I hear something about fanart? (grins) Gimme gimme! XD
DazedMarauder – heh, I'm glad you like my version of Kakashi. I must say, I find him pretty appealing myself lol Thanks for the awesome review. Hey, you have the same name as me! (high five)
Shuichi-kun – lol I'm sorry my story annoys and confuses you, and that it didn't meet your expectations. I wasn't aware the dialogue was so ambiguous. I thought it was all pretty clear and self-explanatory, but if more people grouse about the same issue, I'll make a better effort to fix it.
And thanks to everybody else who took the time to review, and to the awesomest beta in the world, Christinarr. So next chapter is the last for this arc, and I think after I post that I may take a little break 'cause I need to sort the mission arc out, do a little research, and all that non-fun stuff.
–Eris