Episode 11:
'Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
In your brain
And feelings of aggressions are the absence of the love drug in your veins
In your veins
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in
It's on the brink
Love come quickly
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin'
Darla hastened her step as she approached her apartment. It was always nice, coming back home...now that she had a home to come back to. She'd never had a home before. For so long she'd just wandered, without a north, without a place to shelter. And most of the time, she had liked it. She had liked the freedom, she had enjoyed the sensation of being like a leaf led by the wind, just going wherever she pleased, when she pleased...
Now, though, she preferred a quiet place to stay. She, who had been in luxurious hotels and marble palaces, who had seen the whirlwind of fancy parties, the rush of wars and the turmoil of Hell, enjoying it all, now preferred to stay at a simple apartment, with a simple job and a rather simple life. It made her feel... human.
All those pleasant thoughts were wiped from her mind when she saw the apartment's door ajar. She frowned. She never left the door unlocked. However, she didn't feel very surprised: after all, hers wasn't a nice neighbourhood at all. The matron that lived on the first floor had commented something about it: hadn't some poor devils next door been robbed last week...?
She sheltered in the dark and listened intently to the sounds coming from the apartment. She heard muffled steps, an unsteady breathing, a sudden thump and the distant sound of a low voice... cursing, no doubt. Great. So the robbers were still inside. Before she realised it, a grin spread over her face. Boy, they were in for a surprise.
She tiptoed, without making the faintest sound, and moved in a cat-like manner along the wall, her back against the cold concrete. She thought in grabbing the stake in her pocket, but discarded the idea. The breathing she'd heard earlier indicated they were no vampires, and she wasn't going to stake a human being. No, this time her fists would have to do.
Soon she was standing next to the door. She focused her senses, and in no time she was able to locate where the person was standing both by the smell and the sounds that made. The idiot was coming closer to the door...
Now.
She turned and launched herself forward through the doorframe, and tackled the dark figure in front of her. There was a yelp of surprise as they both fell to the ground with a thump, and the struggling began. To her surprise, her slim opponent was much tougher than she would have believed: the woman (yes, it was a woman) managed to block most of her blows, and hit her jaw with a nice, painful punch.
Darla got annoyed. This wasn't going as she'd planned. She rolled over and rose. As her opponent did the same, Darla raised her hand to throw a punch to her face... when suddenly a ray of moonlight from the corridor illuminated the intruder's face.
'Faith? What the hell are you doing here?'
Faith was gloomily lying on the sofa, her feet on the coffee table, a pack of ice on her face and a mug of coffee in her hand.
'Yuck, Darla, you play dirty.' She grimaced. 'That's gonna leave a mark, y'know.'
Darla snorted. 'I pretty much doubt it, given your Slayer fast healing and all. And you fully deserved it. Can you explain again why did you break into my apartment?'
Faith shrugged, as she raised her head a few inches and took a sip of her coffee. 'Didn't wanna wait outside.'
'And why couldn't you just turn on the light, like normal people?'
The brunette grinned mischieviously. 'I like it dark, Thelma.'
Darla rolled her eyes. 'Whatever.' She looked at her, resigned, and shook her head. 'Why didn't you let me now you were coming? I'd have picked you up from the airport or something.'
Faith shrugged. 'Wanna it to be a surprise.' Sighing, she put the pack of ice aside and rose from the sofa, leaving the mug on the table. She cast an appreciative look to her surroundings.
'You gotta a hell of a place here, Thelma.'
Darla smiled. 'Thanks. It's much nicer now than it used to be – now that I could finally decorate it exactly as I wanted. Of course, you could have seen it sooner, if you hadn't waited to pay me a visit until a year since I moved in here had passed.'
Faith raised her hands in front of her, as though she were trying to defend herself from Darla's mockingly accussing tone.
'Hey, it's not like I got much cash when I was on the run with Rob, tryin' to catch the newbies. Flyin' to England was a little out of my reach.'
'Okey, okey,' Darla said, conciliatory. 'So, how is the Slayer tracking going? How's Robin?'
'The Slayer tracking's alright, but they seem to come out from the ground. Never finish finding 'em all. As for Robin,' Faith shrugged, 'I wouldn't know. Haven't heard of him in a while.'
Darla straightened in her seat, all her senses suddenly alert. 'So,' she said cautiously, 'have you two had a row or something?'
Faith shifted, uncomfortable. 'Not so much as a row as him packing his stuff and getting out of the door not to come back.'
Darla's eyes widened in shock. 'He left you? Why the hell would he do such a thing?'
The brunette's lips curved in a wry smile, but to Darla it looked more like a grimace. 'Guess he did so 'cause I'd packed my stuff first, though he beat me at getting through the door.'
Darla felt utterly astounded. 'You never said things were wrong between you two'.
Faith averted her eyes. 'What 'bout a change of subject? How's your new job?'
Darla narrowed her eyes. She would let it go for now, but Faith wasn't going to get away that easily.
'My job's alright, thanks for asking. It's much better to be a sales clerk than a waitress at a cheap dinner. The uniform doesn't itch that much, and the pay's way better.'
'Good to hear that.'
Darla nodded. God, how much she'd hated her first job. She didn't think she'd ever felt as much satisfaction as she had the day she'd said goodbye to Darryl, Little Joey, Karen and the greasy smell.
'And now I'm going to night school.'
Faith looked impressed. 'Gotten ambitious, huh?'
Darla smiled. 'Now I got a reason to improve my economic perspectives.'
Faith nodded absently, as her gaze fell upon a framed picture on the coffee table. She took a step towards it, bent and picked up the picture. She stared at it intently, as if she were trying to memorize every line of the boyish face portrayed in it, every shade of the innocent blue eyes staring back.
'Baby's all grown up, huh?' There was an edge to her voice, a slight tremble which gave away her feelings, in spite of the cool mask that was placed on her face. 'He ain't look much like Angel, does he?'
Darla rose slowly from her seat and walked towards her. 'No, I guess he doesn't.'
'But he looks happy, doesn't he? Like all kids should.' Faith's voice sounded very distant, and her eyes were still fixed to the picture, a look of longing in her black orbs that made Darla's heart ache. She looked at the picture, where Connor was beaming, with his special, glorius smile, then he looked at Faith, who looked... lost. And almost... teary.
'You could see him, you know. He visits me more or less regularly now. You could meet him, if you want to.'
Faith got her eyes off the picture, and looked taken aback. 'Me? Meeting Angel's kid?' She seemed to ponder about it for a moment, then she shook her head. 'I'm afraid I'm not ready, not yet.'
Darla smiled, sympathetic, and put a hand on her shoulder.
'You still miss him, don't you?'
Faith smiled sadly. 'Every day. He was... he was supposed to be my guide. He was supposed to tell me how to be good, what to do to seek redemption... And now he's gone, and I don't know what to do, I don't know where to turn.'
Darla looked at her straight in the eye. 'Faith, listen to me. You don't need anyone to tell you what to do. You got nothing to prove, not anymore. You're doing it quite well all by yourself.'
Faith chuckled bitterly. 'Funny, Thelma, but not everybody thinks like you.'
Darla shrugged. 'Well, what can I say? Not everybody is as smart as me.' Her friend smiled faintly. 'Are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Robin?'
Faith snorted. 'Not gonna give up, are you?'
She smiled. 'Not bloddy likely'.
Sighing, Faith walked to the sofa and sunk again in it. Darla took seat right in front of her, and waited patiently. Well, as patiently as she could.
'Don't know why it didn't work out. It was supposed to be perfect, y'know. He was a nice guy... the first nice guy who'd ever cared for a chick like me. Well, Angel had, but not like that. And he was cool about me bein' a Slayer and stuff. We fought together, side by side. Sex was great, and he made pancakes the morning after.' Faith placed her elbows on her knees and rested her chin on her hands, a pensive look on her face. 'For a while, it was... perfect. We had fun, he cared for me, like no other had... And then... I don't know, then things went downhill. Got no idea how it started, but one day we started bickering and we didn't stop. He wanted to reform me, see, like Angel had. But Angel had only wanted me to stop hurting myself and others, Robin, instead... I think Robin wanted to turn me into Lil' Miss Perfect. And I'm no fucking Miss Perfect, that's always been our B.'
Faith took a sip of her coffee, which had to have gotten rather cold by now, judging from the grimace on her face as she tasted it.
'And that wasn't all. Cuz, if it'd been just the bickering... I don't know, maybe we could have fixed it. Somehow. But there was something else.'
Faith stopped talking, as she seemed to be lost in thought. Darla waited a moment, then her curiosity and impatience got the better of her.
'What was it?'
Faith sighed. 'I realised I didn't miss him anymore. When at first we fought, and we didn't see each other, I missed him, even though we'd been apart only a couple of hours. And then, one day... I didn't miss him anymore. I realised I didn't care whether he left or not. So, I found out I didn't love him. Hell, maybe I never loved him. Cared for him, sure, but loved him...'
Faith shook her head sadly. 'He didn't exactly shake me. He didn't change my world. And he had that annoying way to act as if I had to be sooo thankful to him for caring for me when I'd been so bad... So one day, I packed my stuff and told him that. Man, he was mad. He tried to convince me that we deserved another chance. He said he loved me and I, I think he meant it.' A shadow crossed her features, and Darla could glimpse a hint of guilt in her eyes. 'But I didn't, so he left. And it was over.'
Faith looked terribly deflated. 'Guess I should've known better. A relationship with me in it couldn't last.'
Darla frowned. 'Faith, it wasn't just your fault that it didn't work out. From what you've told me, Robin is the one to blame. Even if it weren't so, sometimes... sometimes things just aren't supposed to work out. Sometimes, you can't keep pretending to believe in feelings that just aren't there.'
'Love's a bitch'.
Darla snorted. 'Ask Spike. He's an expert'.
Faith cast her a questioning look. 'What's wrong with Bleached Blonde? Oh, wait... still weeping over B?'
Darla feigned surprise. 'How did you guess?' She shook her head. 'Last time I saw him, I told him to stop pretending he had moved on with his life, when he clearly hadn't, and go look for her.'
Faith leaned forward, curiosity shinning in her eyes. 'What happened?'
Darla rolled her eyes. 'Buffy said some bullshit about still having feelings for him, but then she added that she needed some 'time' to sort them out, and blah, blah. As if she hasn't had enough time already!'
Faith shook her head, smiling, but it wasn't an amused smile. 'B's always liked 'em to be at her feet... so she could stomp them whenever she felt like it. That's her.'
Both women fell silent, as Darla stared at a point in midair and Faith kept revolving her cold, undrinkable coffee. Finally, the Slayer broke the silence.
'D'you think love really exists, or it's just an invention of St. Valentine's postacards' writers and Hollywood cheesy movies?'
Darla shrugged.
'Don't know, and really don't care. For me, it's always one-night stands... and trust me, I prefer it that way.' She frowned. 'Which reminds me, I gotta get something decent to wear for tomorrow night.'
Faith looked at her, bewildered, until dawning comprehension appeared on her face.
'You got a date!' As soon as she made the statement, she proceeded to the basic questioning Darla had already seen coming.
'Tall, hot, about forty years old, possibly divorced or separated. Name's Richard, met him at Sainsbury's.' Darla shrugged. 'Honestly, there's nothing extraordinary about it.'
Faith just wouldn't listen to her last statement, and made Darla promise that she would fill her in with all the details, even though Darla herself suspected that this new date would be no different from the previous ones.
About the last thing, she was both right and wrong. Richard proved to be more entertaining and fun than his last date. Not only he knew a lot of interesting people, but he also had a nice, acid humor sense, which matched hers.
With his dark blonde hair and his blue eyes, Darla had liked Richard because he didn't remind her of Angel at all. However, as night progressed, she realised that his witty comments and his chivalry felt awfully familiar, and it didn't take long to find out why: he reminded her of Lindsey.
Lindsey. Darla still felt a pang of guilt everytime she thought about him. He was easily one of the people she'd hurt the most... and possibly the first one who'd ever truly cared for her, not because he'd felt compelled to, like Angel, but because he just felt it. He might have even loved her. And if he had, he was certainly the only man who had done so.
And what she'd given her in return? A broken heart and a new scar on his soul. She biefly wondered where Lindsey could be right now. Wesley had told her that he'd reformed or something... Maybe he was somewhere out there, doing some good... After all, if she could, why couldn't he?
She wiped those thoughts of her mind and returned her attention to Richard, but from that moment on the evening had a bittersweet flavour for her.
After dinner they went dancing, which was easily one of Darla's favourite things. Richard proved to be a decent dancer, and they spent a rather good time at one of London's most exclusive clubs.
After that, they went to his apartment (a rather nice, fancy one), just as Darla had predicted. Thing went rather well and Darla was pleased, but anyway she rose from bed and got dressed a couple of hours before sunrise. In that moment, Richard asked her why couldn't she stay. Startled, she realised it was the first guy who asked her that.
'I'm sorry, Richard, but I can't. I told you so before, remember?'
Richard nodded somberly, then he looked at her and smiled, a little hesitant:
'But you will call me, right?'
Darla smiled the fakest smile ever, and blatantly lied saying that she would. After that, she hastened to get away from him as soon as possible. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realised she was betraying a nice (well, at least with her) guy all over again... but she couldn't help it. It wasn't like she could change her own nature, right?
As she headed home, she reflected about Faith's words. Was love – the romantic, St. Valentine's kind – a real thing? She couldn't say, as she'd never experienced it herself. Clearly her obsession with Angelus couldn't be defined as 'love'.
She knew people that could prove love's existence, though. Angel and Buffy. Angel and Cordelia. Fred and Gunn. And hadn't Willow almost ended up the world just because she'd lost a loved one?
However, there were as many – or possibly more – people that could prove her wrong. After all, Buffy and Angel had broken up; Willow didn't seem to be going through a nice phase with her new girlfriend, at least from what Faith had told her, and hadn't Harris (or the Whelp, as Spike called him) left his bride in front of the altar? Was love a real thing, or just a nice illusion? Did it exist, or was it just a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain, like the song said? Darla just didn't know.
The answer machine, though, was a different case. When she closed the door behind her, she noted the red light glinting, and hastened to pulse the 'Play' button. At once, Spike's voice filled the place, but it didn't sound like Spike's voice at all. There was something different about it, something... cheerful. Happy.
'Darla, know it's late, but probably not for you, with all the no sleepin' at night... Wanted you to be the first to know, though. Buffy's come back to Cleveland. And we talked. I mean, really talked. Communicated. Like... Well, you got the idea. And she said that she's willin' to give it a try, Darla. She says she wants to give us a try. She says she feels it too.
I'm too bloody happy to talk, too high to think. You understand, don't you, pet? Anyway, thanks for the advice you gave me last time. Didn't believe you then, but I do now. I'm the happiest man in the world. Hell, that sounded like a nancy boy. Don't care right now, for once.
Gotta go now. Call you later. Buffy's calling me...'
Or maybe, there was just some hope left in the world after all.
Imzadi: Sorry to disappoint you, again, about the unexpected visitor! Don't get desperate, though. As I am a really nice person, you won't have to wait much longer...
About Spike, well, maybe he's got a chance after all. And then, maybe he does not. Time will show. And yeah, Buffy can be a bit of a bitch sometimes, we all know that.
As for what Darla thought ("Couldn't she see she was wasting a precious thing? Last time Darla had been offered something like that, she hadn't been able to appreciate it." ), well, I think I've just answered your question, haven't I?
Samster The Hamster: Yep, Darla and Connor's meeting takes place in Chapters 12 and 13 of Two Single Parents. Check them out and then tell me what you think!
You think the chapter was awesome? Thanks! I'm getting quite fond of this renewed Darla, too. And I love to write all Darla/Spike parts, asI consider them two of the most interesting characters in Buffy. And about the latter and Spike... well, let's hope you're right for poor Spikey's sake.