Episode 17:

'I put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter'

- 'In The End', by Linkin Park -

Hot water poured over her hands, which were rubbing the glasses and dishes with a yellow sponge, producing iridicent bubbles everywhere. Lindsey, who was sitting on one of the kitchen's stools, right behind her, had offered to lend her a hand, but doing the washing up was one of the few chores Darla didn't mind doing on her own. Not like cooking, at which she was a complete disaster, possibly because it was a skill she'd never needed. That was something, though, Lindsey couldn't help her with, so when he or Connor stayed for dinner they survived thanks to takeaways.

'...so I talked to Severus about taking Connor to Oxford next Saturday, and he was okay with it, so we can make all the necessary arrangements already – what do you think?'

Darla pursed her nose as she struggled with a particularly stubborn greasy stain.

'I think the idea of the trip is great, I bet Connor's gonna love it,' he said slowly. Something in his tone made Darla feel there was a "but" coming, and she wasn't mistaken. 'I just wonder,' Lindsey made a pause, and even though she could not see him, she was certain he was licking his lips. 'Do you need to ask for Snape's permission for anything you want to do with Connor? Aren't you supposed to be his mother?'

Darla frowned, taken by surprise, as she made the water to stop running and grabbed a cloth to dry her hands.

'Well... yeah. It's not like I have to ask his permission for everything – I just thought it was polite from me to tell him where his foster child was going to be next Saturday, in case there was an emergency and he needed to contact us. And, let's face it,' Darla added, as she scrubbed her hands with more energy than was strictly necessary, 'I'm lucky that Severus lets me share Connor's custody. God knows there aren't many out there who would let me get anywhere near a child.'

'Hmm,' was all she got as a response from Lindsey, and therefore she concluded the discussion was over. She should have known better.

Later that night, they were both sprawled on her couch, watching a movie that had lost its appeal about half an hour ago. Just when Darla had made up her mind to ask Lindsey to turn off the TV – there had to be something more interesting they could do on a Tuesday night – she caught by the corner of her eye a movement. Lindsey had straightened up on the couch, and instinctively, Darla knew he was about to start a conversation that had little to do with the cheesy comedy they were suffering – er, watching.

And, once again, she was right.

'How much do you trust this Snape guy?'

Darla's head jerked up. She hadn't been expecting something like this.

'Well, I trust him with my only child's life. What does that tell you?'

'Yeah, I know, but after that episode Connor was left alone in a haunted forest and he was nearly killed by Drusilla and a bunch of vampires...'

Darla shook her head. 'That wasn't Severus' fault, but the idiot of his father, and he didn't exactly left Connor in the forest. Besides, Lindsey, everyone makes mistakes. You remember the time I lost Connor in that not-so-nice hood of London that shall remain unnamed – between you and me, that was nearly as bad as the Forbidden Forest.'

Lindsey remained silent for a moment but, as the good lawyer he was, he rallied almost at once. 'But what do you know about this guy?'

'Plenty of stuff.' And she did. Over the years, she'd gotten to know Severus Snape rather well... although she doubted Lindsey would be impressed if she told him what she knew about Severus' past. But, honestly, it wasn't like either of them had a clean record. 'Look, Lindsey: Giles trusts Professor Dumbledore's judgement, and Dumbledore trusts Severus. Therefore, I trust Severus as well. Besides,' she added, placing a hand on Lindsey's arm, 'if you'd met Professor Dumbledore, you would trust him as well. He's one of those people you trust instinctively.'

Lindsey raised his eyebrows, looking rather skeptical, but said nothing. Darla thought it was funny how, sometimes, he acted as though he had reasons to be more cynical than her.

'On the other hand, Connor's been nothing but happy with him, and Severus' never given me any reason to distrust him.'

'Hmm,' was Lindsey's laconic answer and silence fell upon them. Darla, though, knew the discussion was far from over.

'I still don't see why he has Connor's legal custody, when you're the boy's mother.'

The same way Darla was sometimes susprised by Lindsey's cynicality, sometimes she was equally surprised at his naïvety.

'Because no one who knows what I am would give me his legal custody. And you can bet that the Ministry of Magic won't be fooled into believing I have XP: they'll know right away that I'm a vampire, and then I won't see my child ever again.'

'But I've been doing some research about Wizarding Law, and there might be a way for you to reclaim your son's custody. There have been other cases in which a woman with children was turned into a vampire and managed to retain the custody...'

Darla frowned, and refrained herself from asking how on earth Lindsey had managed to find out how Wizarding Law worked and, most importantly, who on earth had asked him to embark on such research.

'You're forgetting one little detail, Lindsey,' she pointed out, instead. 'I wasn't turned into a vampire after Connor's birth, but four hundred years before. Don't you think that might draw the Ministry's attention, not to say the rest of the Wizarding community's, to Connor? Don't you think they might not be too understanding towards something they cannot understand or comprehend? No, Lindsey. I know the way the human mind works. I won't do anything that'll make Connor to be in the spotlight, I know what happens in those cases. I saw witches being burned, I saw Jewish being slaughtered. What do you think people will say if they find out Connor's not entirely human? That there hasn't been anyone like him in the entire human history?'

Lindsey obviously had nothing to say to that. Even though he liked Connor, he wasn't foolish enough to think other people would share his point of view.

'Besides, the reason I did not pursue obtaining Connor's full custody didn't change,' Darla added. 'After all, what kind of life could I give him? I could never take him to school, to the park... And what if there's an emergency in the middle of the day? What would I do then?' She shook her head grimly. 'He's better where he is now, among those that are like him, with someone that can take proper care of him.'

Lindsey bit his lower lip and fixed his eyes on the blueish screen, although she doubted he was paying much attention to the film. Darla waited, until he took his eyes off the TV and fixed them on hers instead with an intensity that hadn't been there before.

'There's a difference, Darla. When you came to England for the first time, you were on your own. That's not true anymore, is it?'

Darla was a little taken aback, especially when the full meaning of his words sunk in. She realised that she would have to be extra cautious with what she said next or there would be hell to pay.

'I know that, Lindsey,' she said, smiling warmly at him. 'But, with the lifestyle we both lead – you know, fighting vampires, demons and whatever comes our way – how are we supposed to take proper care of him? How are we going to keep him safe? Lindsey, I really appreciate your help, but I still think that the best place for Connor is where he lives right now. On the other hand,' she added, 'don't you think it would be somewhat unfair to Severus? After all, he took care of Connor when he wasn't compelled to do so. And he might come across as a cold type of person, but I assure you that he adores Connor. And it would be unfair to Connor as well. He sees Severus as the father he'd never had.'

At her last words, Lindsey twitched. Darla narrowed her eyes. Okay, one thing was for Lindsey to be jealous of Angel, but now he was jealous of the role Severus played on Connor's life as well?

Geez, I feel like I'm dating a fifteen-year-old.

However, Lindsey soon regained his composure and gave her an uncertain smile.

'I guess you're right, then. Have I already told you how much the tickets to Oxford cost...?'

For what was left of the night, though, Darla felt a distinct coldness emanating from Lindsey, as though she'd offended him somehow.

In Spike inmortal words, she thought idly, this is bloody marvellous.

'It's over, pet.'

Spike and Darla were sitting on a bench in a park faintly illuminated by streetlamps and in which the sound of children laughter hadn't yet faded away although the rays of sunlight already had.

'You mean over, over, as in "hell will freeze before a reconciliation takes place" or...'

Spike smiled wearily. 'Absolutely over. Y'know, we could have talked it over like two civilized people, but well... Buffy and I aren't like that, so instead there was a screaming match, we both ended up rather pissed off, and the bloody bint had to have her dramatic exit and nearly slammed the door on my nose.' Spike took a sip of his Starbuck's coffee (at this point of their relationship, Darla could no longer imagine the two of them having a talk without a mug of coffee in their hands) and his gaze fixed on a bunch of children a few meters away. They were barely a couple of years older than Connor and they were all clutching bright-coloured skates. Although, judging by the scratches on their knees, they still need a lot of practice with them.

'It was me who put an end to the whole thing,' Spike said quietly. 'For once in my damned unlife, I was smart enough to realise there was no way to make it last... and for once, I was strong and brave enough to get through with it.'

Darla put a hand on his arm. 'Spike, you're strong and brave.'

He sniggered. 'There was a time, luv, when you didn't think so well of me.'

Darla shrugged. 'I had good reason not to. But things are different now, aren't they?'

Spike nodded, his eyes now fixed on a scrawny child that was trying his best to mantain his balance on the treacherous skate. 'Yeah, they're. I'm not whinning, for one thing. In fact,' he said, and he sounded somewhat perplexed, 'I'm not feelin' heart-broken at all. It's not like when Dru dumped me, that I cried all over the place like a poofter, blaming everyone else and feelin' like I would die if she didn't return to me.'

Darla pondered about it, as the scrawny boy fell once again from the skate.

'You were different, back then. And the situation wasn't the same, either. You said it yourself: Drusilla dumped you, but now it was you who broke up with Buffy. Things have certainly changed.'

Spike tilted his head to one side, pensive.

'Guess you're right 'bout that. When Dru left, I felt like it was the end of the damned world – now, though, I feel... relieved.' He looked surprised at his own choice of words. 'It sounds weird, but that's the way it is. The last months we were together... they were so bloody tiring, Darla. I felt like all the time I was trying to stop somethin' from shattering, and it turned out there was nutting to keep safe in the first place. I pushed so far to make it work, I tried so hard to make it last. And all the time I felt like I was doin' somethin' wrong, that it was all my fault. Now, though... Guess it just wasn't meant to be.'

They sat in silence for a while, during which they both sipped their respective coffees and watched the scrawny boy making yet another attempt to tame the skate, all his friends encouraging him.

'So, what are you going to do now?'

Spike shrugged. 'Dunno. It's odd, being free to go wherever I want, to do whatever I please, without having to give explanations to anyone...' He turned to look at her. 'I don't think I'm gonna stay here, luv.'

Darla tried her best to hide her disappointment. 'And where are you going?'

'I'm not sure. But there are always new places to see, new people to meet... Guess I'll pay old Clem a visit, see how he's doin' in Detroit, perhaps see Niblet again too... Then, I don't now. And you know what? I think I enjoy the uncertainty.'

She smiled sadly, as she watched the group of children grabbing their skates and finally abandoning the park. 'I'm glad for you but... I guess I'll miss having you around.'

Spike put an arm around her shoulders. 'Me too, pet. Me too.'

Spike, always the old-fashioned gentleman, insisted on escorting her home. Amused, Darla had let him do so. After all, they didn't have much time together left.

'You know, Darla, I think I always gave too much importance to the word "forever"', he said unexpectedly. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

'What do you mean?'

'Well,' he said, shrugging, 'I thought it was goin' to last forever, Dru and me, so when it was over... when it was over, I was rather lost 'bout what I was supposed to do next. Then Buffy came along, and I dreamed of forever again. Should've known it was an impossible thing to wish for.'

Darla frowned. 'Why is it so?'

'Because, pet, human beings' forever it's not out forever. Because, no matter our souls, we'll never get certain things about 'em. They crave for different things. They might say otherwise, but they all need the sunlight, the air, to perpetuate their species, to settle down and have safety. They have it in their blood. We don't and, therefore, we can't understand it.'

Spike looked at the star-strewn sky, then he looked back at her eyes.

'Wanna a piece of advice, pet? You're free to refuse – it's not like I'm the sharpest tool in the box...'

'I want it.'

He smiled tiredly at her, and put a hand on her shoulder.

'Screw "forever", luv. You feel you have something with Cowboy? Seize it. Seize it hard until it hurts, and don't let anybody take it away from you. Don't think in "forever", pet. "Now" is more n'enough.'

Later that night, Darla found herself in front of Lindsey's door. Without so much as a preliminary "hello", she kissed him full on the lips, forgetting all about their previous discussion.

Carpe Noctem, Darla. Carpe Noctem.

XP: Also known as xeroderma pigmentosum,is arare genetic defect in ultraviolet radiation induced DNA repair mechanisms; characterized by severe sensitivity to all sources of UV radiation (especially sunlight). In Chapter 16 of 'Two Single Parents' is mentioned that Darla and Snape told Connor she had this disease in order to explain why she couldn't go out in the sun.

Imzadi: Your comment about the Darla/Spike chat really cheered me up, as it was very hard for me to write, I was afraid that Spike sounded a little OOC. ABout Buffy and Spike, I think this chapter has made fully clear that they don't stand a chance anymore. About Lindsey... Well, you will see that soon...

To everybody else who read last chapter, I'd really like to know what you thought about it or about the new chapter as well (c'mon, don't be lazy, pressing the purple button won't take you more than a couple of minutes). And I have an announcement: there are only two more episodes of 'Ain't so far down' to go, so enjoy it while it lasts...