Yes it's not august anymore and yes it's really late and you might have lost your appetite for this story… I'm sorry I've been so busy…whoever said Senior year isn't so busy was an idiot! So just read on with the story…read it through the end please…
Title: Remember me?
Author: sapphire-Lady-of-the-Night
Chapter 18: Small Girl Within
So you let him go… now what?
Sakura sat in the living room all alone for Eriol wasn't in the house yet.
I'll have to move on with my life…
Ah… but can you? A taunting voice in her mind sneered.
Of course I can!
Oh? How? Are you going to pretend nothing ever happened or would you forget him completely…just like what he did to you? The small taunting voice said.
What did you expect anyway? That this is a fairytale that he'll remember you immediately in a snap when he sees you?
Sakura smiled ruefully. No she wasn't in a fairytale and never will be. Her eyes began to mist.
Oh are you going to cry now? Ne I thought your tears had dried up already?
But why are you letting go? Why do you have to let go? Another small defiant voice said from deep within her. You've waited for him, pined for him all these years and yet when he finally comes to you …you pull away?
Sakura stood up and unconsciously knotted her fingers together. Her thoughts were cut off by a knock on the door. She stared at the door, not answering nor opening it. She just stood rooted to the spot. Her heartbeat quickened. Her hands grew cold as she saw the doorknob turn. Can she face him if it turns out to be him?
"Hey!" Tomoyo entered with a cherry smile but it was wiped out from her face immediately when she saw Sakura's nervous and quite scared expression.
"What's wrong? You look pale" Tomoyo walked towards her.
Sakura tried to smile but she just can't, instead she sat down again. Tomoyo was immediately at her side.
"What happened?" She asked anxiously.
Sakura looked down at her hands. She fumbled with her blouse and didn't answer immediately.
"We… kissed" She finally said.
Well what could she say the DID kiss… and what a wonderful kiss it was… she can't deny that fact! Damn but the memory of that kiss is a torture now! His soft lips… his whisper…
"If you don't want to hear how I want you back then feel it."
"Then why do you look so forlorn?" Tomoyo asked. "Did he… did he force—"
"No!" Sakura said vehemently cutting off Tomoyo.
Syaoran never forced himself on her… she responded and she hated that fact!
"Then I suppose you kissed him back?" Tomoyo asked slowly.
Sakura neither nodded nor answered Tomoyo's question but her silence was an answer in itself.
"You're not the type of girl that just allows anybody to kiss you. So I guess you're still in love with him no matter how you deny it."
"I don't love him anymore!" Sakura clenched her hands stubbornly.
"You do love him still Sakura" Tomoyo said firmly. "I know your love for him was true and I don't think that true love can be erased by just a few pains and hurts."
"I don't love him anymore Tomoyo and you haven't experienced the pain yet so you say that!" Sakura snapped.
"True… I haven't experienced it. But I am just saying the things that I had observed." Tomoyo answered quietly. "The last time you said those words to me… it was for a different reason. You said that love is worth the risk worth every pain… but now…"
"Well I was wrong!" Sakura retorted. "Now I have opened my eyes and all I had said then, were just mere delusions of a fool. Love is harsh."
"Or you could be wrong now." Tomoyo said. "Love is harsh and gentle at the same time. I've watched and learned from you and this is all I'm going to say to you… I never expected you of all the people to back away…to give up, to run away from your fears and pain… I never expected you to cower away."
Sakura stiffened. "I don't need those words now."
"Yes you do." Tomoyo contradicted. "You think you're opening your eyes but the truth is you're closing them. You say you're letting him go but you are running away. You're afraid and that's the truth about it."
"I don't want to love him anymore Tomoyo, can't you see that? This pain is killing me! I don't want to feel pain anymore!" Unbidden tears had fallen down her cheeks. "I don't want… to see him…"
"Well you're going to get your wish." They heard Eriol. He just entered the house. "He's really leaving for good!" Eriol said grimly.
"What do you mean Eriol?" Tomoyo stood up.
"I saw the Li family packing their things ready to leave." Eriol said gazing directly at Sakura who looked petrified despite herself.
"Are you sure?" Tomoyo stood up and almost ran towards the window.
Sakura watched her best friend with trepidation.
"He's really leaving!" Tomoyo exclaimed.
Sakura closed her eyes and leaned back against the sofa.
"I… told him to leave me for good." She muttered.
Her hands grew even colder, her whole body feels cold! Her heart thumped wildly. One part of her wanted to ran out of the house and scream her lungs out at Syaoran for being such an idiot. If she had to nail him to the door to keep him from leaving then she will.
But another part of her just wanted to sit down and ignore everything. She just wanted to snub him off and have nothing to do with him. Sakura was fixed in such indecision that her body was completely immobile.
"You're leaving" Meilin said evenly. It wasn't a question but an observation. Syaoran was packing his things.
"Yes you can obviously see that Meilin." Syaoran said grimly.
"So you are giving up on her." Meilin walked towards the window. She looked out to the house beside theirs, the house of the girl whom her cousin was giving up.
Syaoran did not answer. He just continued packing. His face was void of any expression but Meilin knew better. Her cousin was good at hiding his feelings.
"Why? Is she not worth fighting for… anymore?" Meilin asked him.
A grim smile formed in his lips. "She's worth fighting for till the end Meilin. She's more valuable than any treasure that could be found in this world."
"But?" Meilin asked. "There's always a but present, isn't there."
"I'm sure you've heard the saying if you love a person set her free if she comes back then she's yours." Syaoran said. "I'll just have to go and leave her Meilin for that is what she asked me to do. That is what she wanted."
"And you believed her?" Meilin frowned. "We both know that she loved you deeply enough to be hurt. We both know it's a love that could almost drive a person to insanity… and we both know she doesn't know what she's asking."
"And we both know that we could also be wrong." Syaoran answered. "Perhaps Meilin mother was right. If we're meant to be, then one way or another we'll find our way to each other again."
"So you're leaving this to destiny?" Meilin narrowed her eyes. "I thought you didn't believe in destiny Syaoran!" Meilin's voice rose. "You said destiny is for losers who couldn't make the things they wanted to happen, take place!"
"Meilin—"
"You said you make things happen!" Meilin cut him off. "Why are you giving up all suddenly and leaving everything to the hand of the destiny to mold?"
"Well perhaps I'm a weakling. I'm a looser and I don't deserve her!" Syaoran bit out. His lips trembled a little.
There was an uneasy silence that hung in the air.
"Perhaps I don't really deserve her…" Syaoran said slowly.
"Perhaps we're really not meant to be…
"That's why I couldn't remember...
"That's why I had the accident in the first place."
Tears welled in Meilin's eyes. To see her cousin so helpless was heartbreaking. To admit that you are weak is somehow a kind of strength. He was strong enough to say that to himself.
"Don't say that Syaoran!"
But her cousin only smiled sadly at her. "Sakura is really one of kind… she makes my inside go weak."
Meilin turned away from her cousin. She could no longer bear seeing the destruction of a promising love story. She got out of the room hurriedly.
Syaoran's eyes followed his cousin. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.
(Nya nalibang dayon siyag kalit. Nadaot iya nawng kay tubol man. Baho pa jud ayo.
Hoy, syaoran! Naunsa man ka? Nanimaho lagi….) –commercial lng…-by ate pakatawa sa kay drama na unya…
A few minutes later Syaoran went down to see his mother and cousin in the living room with their things already packed.
"Shall we go now?" Yelan said standing up. "I've already bought tickets for us."
Syaoran only nodded. Then he carried their luggage to the car outside. Yelan and Meilin followed him outside and got inside the car.
Syaoran saw Eriol arrive and got inside the house beside theirs. He stood by the door of the car. He surveyed the whole place first and let out a heavy sigh. He was finally leaving. He wished he could just get a last glimpse of the girl he so greatly loved… but he didn't.
He finally got in the car and started the engine. He saw Tomoyo peek out from the window. He hoped Sakura would to… but she didn't. Perhaps it was better off this way he'll never see her anyway. Still he wished he had a at least a picture to keep. A picture he could gaze upon and remember.
Yes and remember… her gorgeous emerald eyes… auburn tresses and beautiful smile…
He closed his eyes. 'Stop thinking about things you can never have Syaoran!' he scolded his own self.
He turned on the radio and drove towards the airport.
We drive tonight…
Music floated all over the car.
And you are by my side…
She wasn't and probably will never be…
We're talking about our lives…
He could only wish they were
like we've each other forever…
Syaorsn smiled grimly. They had… only that he'd forgotten. But she hadn't. It doesn't matter now anyway for she was erasing him from her life. The voice of the vocalist was achingly sad. He almost swore for it was making tears form in his eyes.
Damn! She could really make him weak!
And if only I could stop the car and hold on to you…
He would have done so… so what's stopping you from doing it now?
And never let go…
I'll never let go…
Damn it! Why did all this have to happen? Why did he have to feel so helpless? Why did he have to fall only to let her go?
And I want to speak these words…
There were so many things he wanted to explain to her… so many things he wanted… needed to tell her…
But I guess I'll just bite my tongue…
And accept "someday, somehow"…
As the words that we'll hang from…
"I'm just a little too late" he mumbled.
And I… I don't want to speak these words
Cause I… I don't want to make things any worse…
Exactly… but to think… things couldn't go worse than this…
Why does tonight have to end?
Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts…
If there's such a button he would have had pushed it long time ago…
We'll skip the goodbyes…
He would stop it before he left for Hong Kong, he would never leave her then… so why are you leaving her now?
If I had it my way
I'd turn the car around and runaway, just you and I…
Why couldn't he just turn the car around?
But it's too late for that now… they were already in the airport.
Syaoran got out numbly. His hands had their own mind for they moved automatically to get the luggage inside…
Not long they were on their way to the airplane for Hong Kong.
Just then emerald eyes flashed in his mind. He saw himself… a younger one... and a younger Sakura…
"Remember this Sakura I will always love you…"
He heard his younger self say. And he had… until now he still strongly love her. He closed his eyes but the vision remained.
Three years ago he had said good bye to Sakura in this very place…
He opened his eyes… he had made a decision and there was no turning back… he must go…
He was truly leaving…for good… She just saw his car pass by…
She'll never see him again…
Never hear his voice…
Never feel him beside her…
Despite her resolve never to cry for him again tears flowed down from her eyes.
"Sakura?" Tomoyo held her cold hands. All the warmth had fled from her body. She was frozen inside. Devoid of anything.
She freed one of her hands from Tomoyo's hold and wiped her tears. "There, everything is over now…" Sakura tried to smile but she only managed a grimace.
Slap!
Her cheeks stung from the slap she had received from her friend. She touched her cheek with a trembling hand, her eyes wide with shock.
"What did you slap me for?" Sakura asked frowning now.
"Did it hurt?" Tomoyo asked.
"Like hell" Sakura muttered. "Why did you do that?"
"Do you want me to slap you again?" Tomoyo asked.
"Hell no!" Sakura spat. "I'm not masochistic!"
"Really, you have a peculiar way of showing it!" Tomoyo said. She was doing this for her friend. She had a feeling Sakura doesn't really know what she was doing!
"You say you're not masochistic but you are inflicting pain to your own self and it's a pain million times greater than a slap." Tomoyo said. Sakura frowned.
"You're so afraid of getting hurt that you're hurting yourself in the process."
Sakura turned away. "I'm sorry Tomoyo…but we're just not meant to be. Besides there are still many fishes in the sea."
"But only one for you and you're letting it go!" Tomoyo exclaimed.
Eriol watched the two girls in front of him. One was trying to help the other who was as stubborn as a donkey.
Sakura looked down. She noticed a small card that fell from her pocket. She picked it up. Her hands trembled when she read it.
The warmest smile
The most beautiful eyes
The purest soul
And the biggest heart
They all belong to you
I wish you could belong to me too…
Li
Her hands trembled. It was the card that accompanied the bouquet of rose.
"I want to belong to him too." A small voice from inside her said.
"I want to go and follow him!"
"I don't want him to go" The small voice insisted
What has she been doing?
What has she done?
Tomoyo is right… I'm not letting him go… I'm just plain running away.
"And I don't runaway from my fears and problems. We never do that remember?" The small childish voice said.
The child in her who had greatly loved Syaoran was speaking. The small girl within was speaking at last.
"Why are you letting him go when you know that you truly don't want to?" the child asked.
The child was wiser than the older one.
Sakura suddenly stood up. Without a word she dashed out the door.
"Sakura where are you going?" Tomoyo called after her.
"To the airport I'm stopping him!" Sakura said firmly.
The small girl within had won she had finally shattered the barrier around her.
Tomoyo smiled broadly. "Need a ride?"
"Faster Tomoyo! We must reach the airport before the plane takes off!" Sakura said impatiently a few minutes later.
"I'm doing the best I can!" Tomoyo answered.
"Damn traffic jam!" Sakura muttered. "Perhaps I should run the rest of the way. Anyway the airport isn't far anymore."
"Go" Tomoyo agreed.
Sakura needed no more encouragement. She jumped out of the car and run as fast as she could towards the airport.
What if the plane took off already?
And what if it hasn't?
What would she say to Syaoran?
How would he react?
These thoughts played over and over in her mind on her way. At last she reached her destination, panting heavily.
Her eyes scanned the people. She couldn't find Syaoran. She approached the lady in the ticket booth.
"Ex- cuse… me… miss" She panted.
"Yes what can I do for you?" The lady asked.
"I would like to ask about the plane for Hong Kong…"
"For Hong Kong? You just missed the plane. It took off a minute ago"
"What?" Sakura gasped! Her whole body grew cold.
"You're joking right?" Sakura asked. Unbidden tears started to flow down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry Miss but I don't play those kinds of jokes to customers." The lady said pityingly at the girl crying in front of her.
Sakura slumped down the floor! She was just too late! Too late! She felt like it was the end of the world. She stared blankly at nothing in particular. People were staring at her. But she didn't care. She couldn't care any less if death was standing in front of her with his scythe positioned to cut off her head. In fact she would have offered her neck willingly.
But there was no death standing in front of her. She almost wished there was. She bit her still trembling lips.
She never knew how she got herself inside the taxi but she did. The whole thing was a blur to her. There wasn't any thought in her head. Her eyes were as blank as ever.
"Cherry Blossom park" She heard her weak voice. She was surprised why she said that instead of her address.
"Are you sure miss?" The driver asked confused.
She should have corrected it. Bur she didn't. Instead she only nodded.
Everything was over! This is what you get for being so foolish Sakura! This is what you get for running away! You've wasted the chances you had. This is what you get for ignoring the opportunities in your way.
The taxi stopped right in front of the park. Sakura paid her fare and got out a bit shakily. She looked down… she saw a petal of a white rose. She picked it up and brought it near her face to study it. A tear fell on it.
Sakura blinked. She threw the petal away and took a few hesitant steps forward. There was another petal. She absentmindedly picked it up. She found another petal a few steps away.
Before she knew what she was doing she was picking up all the petals on her way. When she couldn't find any petal on the ground anymore she finally raised her head for she had been looking down the whole time.
Amber eyes locked with her emerald ones. There he was the person she gave her heart to. He was sitting right under a cherry blossom tree. He smiled tenderly at her
Sakura dropped the petals she was holding. She stood there trembling. She was seeing visions of what could have been. She closed her eyes.There, all was black now… no visions to torture her… no sounds either…
Warm hands closed over her cold ones. Sakura's eyes snapped open. He was standing right in front of her.
"You're cold" He said.
Sakura didn't answer all she could do was stare at him. She smiled ruefully.
"You're not real Li Syaoran. You already left for Hong Kong." She whispered. "You're just my imagination."
She closed her eyes once again. The warm hands let her cold ones go. She opened her eyes once again.
He wasn't there.
Her nose stung and tears gathered in her eyes. Her lips trembled. She tried to keep the tears at bay but she couldn't control them. She wrapped her arms around herself and cried to let out all her grief.
"You're not even going to turn around to see if I'm here?"
"Are you?" Sakura sobbed. She didn't turn around lest she'd be disappointed.
"Do you even want me to be?"
"…yes" Sakura answered weakly.
Warm arms embraced her from behind. "I'll always be here for you." He whispered in her ears.
Sakura slowly turned around. He smiled down at her. He gently wiped her tears away. Sakura started to reach for his face with trembling hands. But she stopped. She was so afraid that he'd disappear right before her eyes.
He wrapped his hand upon her own and brought it to his face. "I'm real Sakura. I'm not your imagination."
Sakura looked away. "I'm imagining things" She muttered.
He cupped her face and brought it up so that she couldn't look away from him. He bent down until their face were only inches away.
"Listen to me." He whispered. "I'm real as the moon above us."
"But the plane—"
"I never stepped inside it." He answered.
Sakura's eyes widened. "Why?" Sakura asked tears were falling anew but they were not sad tears.
"Because I love you." Syaoran whispered and with that he kissed her tenderly. Sakura closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Syaoran.
"I'll never leave you again." He whispered on her lips. "I love you too much to leave you, to let you go…"
"I will never allow you to" Sakura whispered back.
"I love you so much my Cherry Blossom." He nibbled her lower lip. "I realized that I'll have to love you forever whether you'll allow me to or not."
Sakura looked up at Syaoran and savored the vision of him. "I was so afraid I'd loose you…again" She whispered.
"I'll always be yours, remember that."
"I'll remember" Sakura said softly looking down. There was a tinge of sadness in her voice. "I'll remember for the both of us…" she added.
"This place is perfect for us my cherry blossom." Syaoran said.
Sakura's head snapped. Perhaps he doesn't realize it but those were the very words he said when he first brought to this place.
He smiled down at her. "You don't have to remember for the both of us..." he murmured.
"Because I already remember…"
The End
A.N. There you go! I finally finished this story! Damn it was tiring! I hoped you liked it! Review please… I know I suck at making endings. :SHRUGS: It's not my specialty. Oh yeah before I forget… about that little commercial up there… hehe… my sister did that and oh well I thought to better leave it that way! Please give me your honest reviews so that I can improve. I would also like to thank all those who reviewed and appreciated this emotional story.