Dear Mom,

Hi! Mexico is great! I hope everything is going well for you in Stoneybrook. If not, I'm sure I have a story that will brighten up your day. You'll never believe the way Mallory embarrassed herself at the beach today. Maybe it was slightly my fault, but it was still hilarious…

It was a perfect day to go to the beach and things were going great. I had dumped almost a whole bottle of Sun-In into my hair, I was baking in the sun, and I looked hot. I noticed men whistling at me and Claud as we walked around the beach. They would wink at us and say things like "Ay Mami, cuanto cuesta?". I'm not sure what they meant by that, I think they probably wanted to take us out to dinner or something. Mexican people are very generous.

Things got really interesting though after Ben and his friends arrived. I could tell they were also impressed by Claudia's and my swimwear, because they wouldn't stop staring at us. But the real star of our group turned out to be Mallory.

She removed her overalls and pony t-shirt to reveal her hot and sexy bikini. I'm being sarcastic of course. She was as pale as a sheet, freckles everywhere. And her chest was all lumpy looking. I wanted to burst out laughing the second I saw her, but I restrained myself. After we were all in our swimsuits we all decided to go down to the water for a swim.

I pulled Mallory aside and let the others get ahead.

"What on Earth have you stuffed into your bikini top?" I hissed at her.

"Chicken cutlets, like you said," Mallory replied, looking down and adjusting her top a bit. "Do they look okay?"

I stared at her chest for a moment. "Mallory… where did you get your cutlets?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"The open air market, yesterday," she replied. "Where else would I get chicken cutlets silly?"

I groaned. "Mallory! Chicken cutlets… I didn't mean real chicken! It's just what they're called. They're made out of some soft silicone or something!"

"Oh no!" Malloy replied, her face turning red. "Well I don't look stupid or anything, do I?"

I looked at her for a minute. She looked absolutely ridiculous, but Mallory is really sensitive. I couldn't tell her the truth, I mean it didn't look that bad.

"Mal… You look fine, ok? But just be careful", I said, nudging her in front of me. "Now, go get your man!"

Mallory smiled and ran down the beach to the water where everyone else was. I sighed thinking about how young and innocent she was, and hoped today wouldn't be too embarrassing for her. The future looked bleak as I watched her trip over a sandcastle near the shore. I shook my head and went down to meet the others.

We had a lot of fun splashing around. I didn't want to really get my hair or makeup wet so I just waded a bit with Claud. Kristy and Ben raced each other a few times, and Ben's friends just sort of stood chest deep in the water watching me and Claud and moving their arms really fast under the water.

Mallory cheered for Ben while he raced Kristy, and raced him a couple times himself. After their last race I noticed something about her bathing suit. "Oh God", I thought.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the group. "Mallory… Um, I think you should lay in the sun with me for a while", I said to her cautiously.

"Why?" she asked.

"Just trust me on this," I said as I guided her out of the water. "Mal and I are gonna do some suntanning!" I yelled back to the group.

"Okay, see ya sexy!" Kristy yelled from the water. What the hell?

Here's a fashion tip for all of you readers, never wear a white bikini. NEVER. Unless it's double lined or something. The water had soaked through Mallory's suit and all of what she had, or I guess all of what she didn't have was now visible to the world. I mean, I'm comfortable enough with my own body to do that, but I know Mallory would be mortified if she knew. Especially since you could clearly see two pink chicken cuts through her top.

The day was getting hotter and hotter. I wished I was still in the water, but it was sort of my fault Mallory was in this situation so I had to help her out. We laid in the 100 degree plus weather, I read through an issue of Cosmo and Mallory read a few chapters in the latest Pony Pals book. I winked at boys as they walked by, flipping my fluffy blonde hair over one shoulder nonchalantly.

Around noontime the rest of the group came back to us on the beach.

"How's that book?" Ben asked, sitting next to Mallory.

"Oh, um, it's totally bonza!" Mallory said, sitting up on her towel. "How was the water?"

"It was great," Ben answered. "We're all starting to get hungry now, we were thinking we'd get some food from one of the taco trucks," Ben informed her. "Wait a minute… do you smell chicken?"

I shot a look over at Mallory, who was turning bright red.

"Um, no," Mallory said, blushing. "Do you?"

"Yeah I smell it too," Kristy said. "That's funny I don't see anyone cooking anything anywhere near here."

I looked over at Mallory's chest and noticed a little steam coming out of it. Of course, it was over 100 degrees and we had been lying right in the sun for at least an hour. Mallory's boobs were cooking!

Before anyone could make another mention of the chicken, things went from bad to worse. A medium sized, scruffy looking dog came out of nowhere and started tearing at Mallory's bikini top! Ben tried to pull him off, but he only made it worse. Much, much worse. Ben pulled away the dog from Mallory, along with Mallory's bikini top. I watched it fall onto her towel, and the pieces of partially-cooked chicken flopped out. The dog collected a piece in its mouth and ran as we all stared wide-eyed. Mallory let out the most horrific scream I've ever heard and covered her chest quickly with her arms. Not that there was anything to cover. Her scream only attracted more onlookers, who all stared with the same disbelief as our group.

"Um, Mallory?" Ben said, not knowing what to say.

I grabbed Mallory's pony t-shirt and shoved it in front of her chest.

"I think you guys should go," I said, looking at Ben and his friends.

"Right," Ben said, quickly standing up and grabbing his towel. He and his friends practically ran away.

"What the hell are you all staring at!" Kristy barked to the onlookers. None of them were intimidated, but they had lost interest anyway.

Claud and I crowded Mallory as she quickly put on her t-shirt in silence. No one knew what to say. So I just did what came naturally.

I laughed. I laughed my ass off. I mean, how could I not? She put chicken into her top and a dog ran away with it! Claudia soon joined in, then Kristy. We all rolled around hysterically for about ten minutes, and then tried our best to control ourselves.

I looked up to see Mallory sitting on her towel glaring at us with her arms crossed.

"Aww come on Mallory", I said giggling still. "I mean, I know you're mortified, but that was freakin hilarious!"

Mallory narrowed her eyes and stood up, grabbing her bag. Silently, she took her towel and stalked off. What a sour puss.

As I walked Mallory walk back towards the hotel, and walk right smack into a vendor, I wondered if we were wrong for laughing at her.

I looked at my friends and I knew the answer as we clutched our sides and howled with laughter.