TITLE: Forever Indebted
AUTHOR: Cosmic
AUTHOR'S EMAIL: bananacosmicgirl hotmail. com
AUTHOR'S HOME PAGE: www. cosmicuniverse. net
AUTHOR'S JOURNAL: www. livejournal. com/ users/ bananacosmic
RATING: R (bad language, serious issues)
STATUS: Complete
CATEGORIES: Mpreg
PAIRINGS: No main pairing. Mentioned pairings: HG/RW
CHARACTERS: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Severus
WARNINGS: Mpreg. Attempted suicide. Dark-fic. Evil!Snape.
SPOILERS: No.
SUMMARY: Harry owes Snape a number of life debts and now Snape is going to collect.
AUTHOR'S NOTES 1: This story is an entry in Misconceptions: Harry Potter Mpreg Fuh-Q-Fest Wave 4 (http/ hpmpregfqf. design-of-decadence. net/
Challenges: - Challenge 49. Harry owes Snape a number of life debts. The demanded payment? One baby per life debt. The story must include this sentence: "A life for a life Potter, you owe me and I intend to collect." Submitted by: Starzy
Pairing(s): None
Holiday(s) Birthday
AUTHOR'S NOTES 2: This fic is quite a bit darker than all my other mpregs. Although I write the fics, I always find it highly doubtful that Harry, while still young, would be all that happy about an unplanned pregnancy. An unhappy pregnant person is something I've wanted to write for a while, so that's what this fic deals with. It has a very, very nasty!Snape.
BETA: Jen (thank you always!)
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Forever Indebted
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Part Four
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Harry didn't know what made him wake up in the end. Perhaps it was a kick from the baby or perhaps it was just his mind that decided that it was time for him to get back to the land of the living. Either way, he woke up in the middle of the night to a room filled with flowers and cards, the moon shining in through a window.
He looked down at himself and saw his belly, far larger than he remembered it. He wondered how long he'd been out.
The baby moved in there and Harry's throat constricted as he once more was reminded of the law that had been passed. He wouldn't get to keep his child; the Ministry of Magic had decided that Snape was her legal guardian.
Harry lifted his legs over the side of the bed and stood hesitantly. His body felt large and uncomfortable and his balance was off. He held onto the side of the bed to keep from falling. After standing still for a few moments, he let go of the bed and started walking around the room. He felt the baby settle down as the motions rocked her to sleep and he started looking through the cards and flowers. He was amazed by the amount of people who seemed to care for his and the baby's well-being.
His legs and back started to ache soon enough and Harry made his way back to the bed. He lay down, his hands rubbing his stomach. Then he fell asleep.
Harry was awake and sitting in one of the chairs in the room when Hermione and Ron arrived the next day. Hermione's eyes grew wide as saucers and Ron's mouth dropped open.
"Harry!" Hermione said and threw herself around his neck. "You're awake!"
Harry smiled slightly. "It would seem that way."
Ron hugged him as well, smiling widely. "Good to have you back, mate."
"How are you feeling?" Hermione asked.
"I— I don't know," Harry said. "The Healer told me I've been out for almost a month. It's— weird. I don't remember any of it."
"None of it?" Ron asked. "And did the Healer tell you what's happened?"
Harry frowned. "What do you mean 'happened'?"
"You're the baby's legal guardian," Hermione said excitedly.
Harry stared wide-eyed at her. "What?"
"Snape is in jail for using an Unforgivable on me," Hermione said, "and the court found him unfit to be a child's legal guardian. They made you it instead!"
Tears welled up in Harry's eyes as his brain processed the words. "She's— she's mine?"
Hermione hugged Harry again. "Yes, she is," she said. "She's all yours."
Ron wrapped his arms around the two of them as Harry cried the happiest tears he'd ever cried.
"What I don't understand is why Snape went so— insane," Harry said. "I mean, he was nasty in school, but he wasn't insane. He would never have used the Unforgivable back then – at least not on someone innocent or as revenge."
Hermione sighed. "The Healers who did the examination said that it was probably a combination of factors. Living the life he has, seeing the things he did, being under the Cruciatus himself several times, combined with the hex I cursed him with made him insane. Feeling like you have a baby inside of yourself when you know you don't is, apparently, not good for your mental health." She couldn't feel sorry for Snape, though. The man had forced the pregnancy on Harry long before the curse made him go mad and although Harry now seemed far more at peace with the prospects of becoming a father, she would probably never forgive him.
Harry sighed softly. "I don't know what to feel about it," he said. "I want to feel bad for him, but— the things he's done and I don't just mean this—" he motioned at his stomach, "—but everything in school as well— I just can't feel bad. At the same time, I can't feel good about it either, because I wish he'd lived a better life with someone who loved him— none of this would have happened if he had a person who'd be willing to give him an heir freely."
Ron didn't say anything; he'd made it quite clear that he was glad that Snape was out of their lives. Hermione hadn't even berated him for saying it.
Ron stood up from the couch. "Would the two of you like some dinner? I thought we could order some take-out for once."
Harry nodded. "Sure." He paused for a second. "I just have one more question. You said that Snape Apparated away with me and Hermione to the dungeons at his Manor. How on earth did you find us so quickly?"
Ron and Hermione both smiled slightly and Hermione answered his question. "Remember how you told me back when this all started that Snape would be really pissed at me and that I should get some extra protection?" Harry nodded. "Well, I had a permanent tracing spell placed on me, which is linked to Ron. He'll be able to find me anywhere now – and the other way around."
Ron nodded. "Snape's place just had a few wards that we had to dismantle, that's why it took us a few minutes."
He squeezed Hermione's hand, apologizing silently again for the pain Snape was able to cause her in those few minutes. She smiled at him, wordlessly telling him it was all right.
"What are you going to name her?" Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged as he set down the plates. "I— haven't decided yet," he said. He bit his lip as though he was about to say something more, but he didn't.
"Haven't you at least thought of any names?" Hermione asked.
"No, Hermione," Harry said, his tone a bit stronger; he didn't want her to ask.
"Oh," Hermione said, noticing the sound of his voice. She paused for a second, then asked, "When are you going to buy the baby things?"
"What baby things?" Harry asked.
Hermione turned to look at him with a frown on her face. "A crib? Clothes? Diapers? And those other five billion things you'll find that you need to take care of a baby?"
"I'll do it— later," Harry said.
Hermione's frown stayed put, but she didn't say anything. Perhaps Harry wasn't quite as all right with becoming a father as she'd thought, but she left it alone. He would come to terms with it – at least she hoped he would.
Two weeks before his baby was due, Harry stopped working. By then, he'd only been back for ten days after the Snape ordeal; Angelina had given him time off to recuperate and now she was giving him time off because, "It takes you longer to get out of your chair to do something for me than for me to do it myself." Harry chuckled softly at this; it was true. Moving around was becoming truly difficult and he had to think twice before sitting down on a couch, as it wasn't a given that he'd be able to get up by himself. Ron had some fun with this as he had to help his best friend up.
Pains that his Maternity Healer called 'practice contractions' started happening more often and more forcefully; so forcefully that Harry at one point went to the hospital, believing he was in labour. After all, the slit that the baby was going to come out of was now fully formed and his belly hung much lower now than it had a few weeks ago. The baby was calmer and didn't kick or move around as much. The Healer explained to him that it was because there wasn't as much space to move around in now as it had been when the baby was smaller.
The baby managed to press on Harry's bladder well enough though, which had him running to the bathroom every five minutes – or at least that was what it felt like.
He woke up in the middle of the night by the sudden urge to go to the bathroom. He was at his own apartment, as he'd wanted to give Hermione and Ron some time alone.
"Here we go again," he muttered as he slowly managed to get his legs over the side of the bed and get himself into a standing position.
His back ached as he made his way to the bathroom. He knew he was waddling; Ron had teased him about it. Harry didn't know how it was possible not to waddle with this great big weight hanging off of him though, so he walked the only way he could.
Relieving himself in the bathroom, Harry then winced as he felt another of those practice contractions. It wasn't all that painful; more like a drawn-out pinch. He rubbed his aching back and started on his way back to bed.
He'd just entered his room again when he felt water tricking down his legs and he looked down to find a wet spot on the floor. His eyes widened as he realised that perhaps those practice contractions weren't for practice this time at all. He swallowed nervously and made his way over to the fireplace. He hoped he wasn't about to disturb his best friends during something— personal.
"Hermione? Ron?" he said as he was connected to their apartment.
It took a minute, but then Ron's head appeared in the fireplace. "Harry? What is it?"
"I— I think my water just broke," Harry said. "I think the baby's about to make her grand appearance."
Ron stared at him. "Let me get Hermione," he said weakly.
Harry nodded. He kept one hand wrapped around his belly, feeling the baby press down heavily. It was a strange sensation, even though he'd carried her for nine months and was used to new things.
Hermione's head appeared, looking both excited and nervous. "We'll be right over, Harry," she told him. "We're just going to get dressed and then we'll be there."
Harry nodded, then gasped as another contraction took hold of him. It was stronger than the last one; it felt like someone was pinching his insides and twisting them around. It lasted for nearly a minute, Hermione estimated, then hurried off to get dressed. Harry panted, trying to focus on his breathing as the Maternity Healer had said he should.
A few minutes later, Hermione and Ron Floo'd into Harry's bedroom. Harry was by then up and walking, as it felt better to move.
"I know it's probably going to be hours until the baby's born," Hermione said, "but for safety's sake, let's go to St. Mungo's."
Harry nodded.
Floo'ing while in labour was not something Harry ever wanted to do again. His body responded even worse than usual and when he arrived at the hospital, he sank to all fours and expelled the content of his stomach onto the floor. Ron winced and Hermione spelled it away immediately, helping Harry to his feet.
Half an hour later, Harry was lying on a bed. The contractions kept coming about fifteen minutes apart, though they were getting stronger. The Healers had left him alone for now, knowing that it would be a while before anything happened for real. They recommended for Harry to move around every now and then.
"There is also a shower in there," a Healer had told him and pointed to the bathroom. "Many in labour find it relaxing to take a shower."
Harry got off the bed and walked around a bit. When the next contraction came, he doubled over and Hermione and Ron hurried to his side to help him stay upright.
"I think I'll take that relaxing shower now," Harry panted as the contraction loosened its hold on him.
He undressed in the privacy of the bathroom, looking at his distorted body in the full-length mirror. He couldn't quite decide if it was beautiful or hideous, so he let the thought go and allowed his mind and body to be soothed by the warm water.
When the Healer came back an hour after Harry arrived at the hospital, Harry had a request for him. "Can you call them now? I don't know how long this'll be but I know they want to be here."
Hermione and Ron looked like living question marks. "Who, Harry?"
Harry just smiled softly and Hermione thought he looked at peace for the first time in a long time.
Two hours later, the contractions were coming every five minutes. He was still only a few centimetres dilated and the Healers said he had several hours ahead of him before he'd be dilated enough for the baby to be able to come out.
Ron and Hermione had gone to find something to eat when the door opened and two strangers entered; a man and a woman in their thirties. They both looked nervous and excited.
"How are you doing, Harry?" asked the woman softly.
"Just fine, save for the whole in-labour thing," Harry said and then he squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists as another contraction wracked through his body.
The woman took his hand and held it until the contraction passed.
The door opened and Hermione and Ron entered. They stopped, surprised to see the two strangers in the room.
"Um— hi," said Hermione, looking from the two strangers to Harry.
"Hermione, Ron," said Harry, "meet Pernilla and Leonard Cordell. Pernilla, Leonard, these are my two best friends, Hermione and Ron."
The woman walked over and shook Hermione's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. Harry has told us what a great help you've been."
She shook Ron's hand as well and Leonard followed her example.
Hermione stared. "I— I don't mean to be rude," she said, looking wholly confused, "but who are you?"
Harry looked down and then met her questioning gaze. He said quietly, "They're going to be the baby's parents."
Both Hermione and Ron's jaws dropped. Hermione asked, shell-shocked, "You're not keeping her?"
Harry smiled slightly. "No."
He felt another contraction starting to build up; they were starting to come closed together. He focused on his breathing rather than on his best friends' shocked faces and got through the contraction well enough.
When he became aware of everything around him again, he noticed that Hermione and Ron were still staring wide-eyed at Harry.
"Perhaps we should go outside and talk and let you rest a little?" Pernilla suggested.
Harry watched them leave and when the door closed, he chuckled. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now," he said, rubbing his stomach gently.
Several hours later, Harry had been moved to the delivery room. He wasn't quite aware of what was going on any longer since the pain seemed never-ending; as soon as one contraction let go, a new one seemed to start. Still, he knew that the room was crowded; Ron and Hermione were both in there to support him and Pernilla and Leonard were there to see their baby being born. There were also several Healers, though Harry couldn't tell how many because they kept moving around.
"All right, we are getting ready now," said one Healer, looking between Harry's legs. "You are nine centimetres dilated."
If he hadn't been in so much pain, Harry would have been beet red with embarrassment that someone was staring at the unnatural slit between his legs, but as it was, he didn't care. All he wanted was for this to be over.
Time seemed to pass in slow motion. Then the contractions seemed to change, to become more powerful. Harry told the Healer so and he nodded.
"You are dilated enough; it's time for your baby to be born," he said. "With the next contraction, I want you to concentrate on pushing the baby out. It will feel quite natural. Trust your instincts."
Harry nodded, panting hard.
"Focus on your breathing; it will help you as well," the Healer continued.
Harry couldn't remember much of the next minutes. There was intense, searing pain as the baby's head crowned and was pushed through the slit. Harry felt like his insides were stretched in a way that shouldn't be possible, but the Healer told him that everything was going perfectly. When it came to the shoulders, Harry had to scream for real; he couldn't remember even the Cruciatus being so painful. The Healer told him to push; said that it would all be over soon. Harry tried to focus on his breathing as he'd been told, though it was hard. The pain filled his brain.
"There we go, just a little more," the Healer said. He felt someone take his hand and he squeezed it hard. Vaguely, he hoped he wasn't hurting whoever the hand belonged to.
The shoulders passed suddenly and a moment later, the baby seemed to slide out of him. Harry breathed hard, his chest heaving.
"Congratulations, you have a girl," said the Healer, though Harry barely heard it. Someone dabbed his forehead with a cool cloth and told him how well he'd done. He heard the Healer ask if the Cordells would like to cut the umbilical cord.
The Healer told him that the placenta would come out next and Harry was supposed to help it along.
"Just continue to bear down and it will come out," the Healer said.
Fifteen minutes later, Harry lay spent on the bed. His stomach, although the skin was still stretched, was no longer swollen like a beach ball.
The milk in Harry's breasts was extracted with a spell into a bottle, which was given to Pernilla so that she could feed the tiny baby girl. Harry felt his eyes tear up as he watched the new mother and her baby together. Because that was what the girl was; she was Pernilla's baby, not his. Pernilla had promised that Harry could come and visit them if he wanted to, but for now, Harry wanted to keep his distance. He knew that if he held the baby now, he would want to keep her and that wouldn't be right.
"She's beautiful," Hermione told him, squeezing his hand.
Harry tried to will away the lump in his throat without success. "I know."
"What made you decide?" Hermione asked after a moment's silence. She looked at Pernilla and the baby.
Harry sighed and looked away. "I realised I love her," he said thickly. "But I can't take care of myself yet, much less a baby. I didn't want her to grow up like I did, feeling unwanted and not cared for enough. I want her to have the childhood I didn't, Hermione. I can't give her that, but the Cordells can. They've wanted a baby for six years, but she's sterile— I—" He paused, taking a deep breath. "They'll love her."
Hermione gathered him up in her arms and held him as he shook.
Harry returned home to an apartment that seemed oddly empty. He was glad for his returned sense of balance and the ability to move around freely again, but the empty feeling inside got him down sometimes. Still, in his heart he knew that he had done the right thing. He didn't know how to take care of a baby and he wasn't well enough to learn yet. He didn't want to play with someone else's life to see if it worked out. What kind of scarred child would he raise if it didn't work out? Harry didn't want to think about it. No, everything was better with the Cordells raising Cecily.
Harry smiled slightly. Cecily. That was what they had named the baby. The child had black hair just like her fathers and Harry's nose; Harry had seen a picture. Harry was glad that the child didn't look much like Snape at all.
On May twentieth, a couple of weeks after giving birth, Harry was invited by the Cordells to their house. Harry Apparated there, glad that he could Apparate once more. Floo'ing was not something he wanted to do again, preferably not ever.
The Cordell's house was small but nicely kept with a green backyard and a white porch. Pernilla was sitting there in a rocking chair with Cecily in her arms. Harry couldn't help but smile.
He walked up the walkway and Pernilla turned, hearing him come. She stood carefully, changing the baby slightly in her arms.
"Harry," she said. Harry couldn't help but think she looked beautiful; she was wearing a light summer dress that fit her perfectly. "I'm so glad you could come."
Cecily was asleep in her arms. She looked peaceful, dressed in a red jumpsuit with small figures on it. Her thumb was in her mouth.
"Is she all right?" Harry asked, gazing down at his daughter. "Is she healthy?"
Pernilla nodded. "Yes, she's perfectly healthy and developing just as she should."
"So the poison didn't—" Harry started. It was a worry that had been nagging on him for weeks.
"No, Harry, it didn't hurt her," Pernilla said. She cocked her head to the side and asked, "Would you like to hold her?"
Harry looked at her nervously. "Can I?"
"Of course," Pernilla said. She helped him place his arms correctly to support the baby's head and he gasped as he felt the tiny, warm weight in his arms. Cecily made a small sound but didn't wake. The baby felt odd in his arms, unusual. To think that this little person had spent nine months inside of him was overwhelming.
"Come," Pernilla said, "let's sit down."
She led Harry gently to the porch, where she sat Harry down in the rocking chair. Harry's eyes were set on Cecily.
After several minutes of silence when Harry tried to come to terms with the idea that this child was the baby he'd carried, he looked up at Pernilla.
"I'm glad you have her now," he said. "I couldn't love her the way she needs to be loved."
Pernilla smiled softly. "Oh Harry," she said, "I think you love her more than anyone ever will."
Harry smiled slightly, warmed by Angelina's words. He gazed down at Cecily. "Some day, I will have a child of my own," he said. "Some day, when I'm ready."
Pernilla nodded. "I know you will. And you'll be the best father anyone could have."
Harry smiled wider.
When he left the Cordell's home that afternoon, Harry felt more at peace than he had ever felt in his life. A tiny part of him felt something akin to gratitude towards Snape, who had given him this gift. He didn't have the energy to hate Snape anymore; he had too many other things to do and experience in his life. Perhaps he would even find someone to spend his life with like Ron and Hermione had, and Pernilla and Leonard. It seemed nice.
Still, for now, Harry was happy to be alive. Before he found someone to share his life with, he had to learn to live his life himself.
He was glad that he'd been able to give the Cordells what they wanted the most and he was glad that although he would not be Cecily's father, he could still see her. He would watch her grow and become a beautiful person from afar.
Harry smiled; there was a bounce in his step that hadn't been there in years. He was going to enjoy life from now on.
The End
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