The Real Wu Zhang Plains

Sima Yi looked forth upon the battle field. Zhang He sat on the wall beside him wearing a sad amount of armor, spandex pants that would do nothing to protect vital parts of his body and… butterfly wings. Not just any butterfly wings. Big, shiny, GOLD butterfly wings. Sima Yi thought of the amount of tax payers' money he gave Zhang He to spend on proper armor for his legs but the fool decided that butterfly wings complemented his cheat plate. Idiot…

Zhang He sighed. "I'm board are they going to try to attack up yet or what."

Sima Yi twitched. Does he have a British accent? "I see that Zhuge Liang's death will come tonight. Our victory is assured."

Zhang He crossed his legs and inspected his fingernails. "That didn't even come close to answering my question."

Sima Yi twitched again. "We are attacking them you fool!"

"Oooooooooh… so… when do I get to beat some lower middle class scum?"

"What!"

"You know! Lower middle class scum!"

"Where did you here that awful language young man!"

"From you… duh."

Sima Yi thought back to the quotes he's used in previous battles. "I did?"

Zhang He nodded. "I think so."

"I see…"

"OH LOOK IT'S STARTING!"

"THEN WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!"

Zhang He shrugged. "I uh no."

Sima Yi shook his head. "Fool."

"Tee-he! I'll use that saying too! Bye bye Sima Yi!"

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It seemed strange how they all went off for battle thinking that no mater what they wouldn't die. For some strange and mysterious reason everyone always thought they were going to win… suckers.

Ma Chao, guy with the spear of justice, and Wei Yan, crazy guy who can't talk and wears a mask for unknown reasons, stood in the middle of the battle field.

"Wei Yan! If I am to die think only this of me… um…"

"Understand… not… Battle…"

"What? You don't understand?"

"…yes…"

"But… You… okay I'll try to summarize the battle plans for you… you want that right?"

"…yes…"

"Okay… you go that way and… kill every one in blue armor." Ma Chao pointer off in some random direction.

"…"

"I will go this way," Another random direction, "And kill everyone."

"That way…? Why…?"

"Huh?"

"Why… you… that way."

"Uh… Because I got first dibs on killing the pansy boy in the top right hand corner."

"Damn... You…"

"It's okay you get to kill Xiahou Dun."

"Awesome…"

"So you ready to go?"

"Yes…"

"Great! I'll meet you back here when Zhuge Liang pretends to die."

"Die… good…"

"Yeeeeeah… sure."

And so they parted ways.

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Ten minutes or sointo the battle.

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Zhuge Liang pretends to be dead, how the entire army suddenly finds out will remain unknown but Sima Yi spazzed and sent his entire army into demolition over load…

So…

The Wei army changed.

Sima Yi noticed a supply unit off to one side and screamed, "ATTACK THE SUPPLY DEPOT!"

So of course Zhang He attacked the supply depot after taking down arblest units.

But…

When the Wei army reached the bottom of the hill. ZHUGE LIANG WAS ALIVE! So the ran off for unknown reasons because it's not like… Zhuge Liang's going to kill them with that wimpy little feather fan of his… It's not even… sharp or anything.

"Have you lost your will to fight Sima Yi."

"FOOL! YOU KNOW NOTHING OF STRATEGY!"

"YEAH! FOOL!"

"Get out of here Zhang He!"

"Awe but I want…"

"NOW!"

Zhang He pouted and stalked off.

"ok… YOU FOOL!"

"ZHUGE LIANG IS NO FOOL!"

"SILENCE JIANG WEI!" Zhuge Liang called to his son.

Jiang Wei pouted and walked off to sulk next to Zhang He on a fence, they put aside there differences while the 'adults' fought it out verbally.

"I AM NO FOOL!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

"I AM NOT!"

"ARE TO!"

"AM NOT!"

"NOT!"

"TOO!"

Zhang He and Jiang Liang decided to desert since the battle didn't seem to be going anywhere. The rest of the army followed suit, except Wei Yan who didn't really know what he was doing to he continued maiming people.

So Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi fought out there personal differences until they died off old age which took a bit longed for Sima Yi since he was a couple hundred years younger then Zhuge Liang. But he argued it out with the corps until the smell got to him.

THE END

A/N: Damn it I'm pretty much dissing my favorite game that kind of sucks! I admit I didn't think this story through… It's probably the worst one I've written. R&R and flame me cause I'm way to happy right now! () HAPPY! ()