104. The Beginning

I was getting inexplicably restless.

I had just checked the chest with the baby things and the wooden cradle for the third time this day. I knew that everything was there that the baby would need. More, in fact, than any baby could need. I also knew that anything that was not in there could be purchased within minutes, probably. We were in the capital, after all. Almost any amenity that could be bought in Middle-earth, could be bought in Edoras. It was also immensely awkward to check the chest as big as I had become during the last weeks.

But I could not not check.

I carefully lowered myself onto the high-backed chair close to the fire-place in the Golden Hall that had become my favourite spot in the last month. Everything was awkward this week. And painful. There were no contractions yet, but my back never seemed to cease aching and my hips hurt, too. Sometimes I thought even my hair was hurting. If that was at all possible.

The baby had grown calmer, mainly, I thought, because there was almost certainly no room left inside my womb for him to move about. It was difficult for me to tell from his movements now where his head was and where his feet. I hoped he had turned. I was aware that if he had not turned, giving birth could mean his death as well as my death. But there had been nothing about Lothíriel dying in childbed in the books. Only about a son. A son whose name I had forgotten.

I was still annoyed about that.

But even that very vague memory of a son of Lothíriel and Éomer, a son that had been mentioned in a set of paperbacks tattered and torn from being read again and again in another world, in another life, was reassuring to me in my present condition. Apart from that, there was not much I could do. I was due to give birth soon. Period. Either I would be able to or not. There was no such thing as a caesarean-section in Middle-earth, although Elaine had heard about living babies being cut from a mother's dead body.

I realized that I had started rubbing my huge belly in slow circles once again. A slight movement told me that the occupant of my body appreciated the touch. I felt so damn, painfully heavy. I closed my eyes. Please, I thought. Let it be soon.

It was not only my womb that was huge and heavy. My breasts were swollen balls resting on my belly, feeling ready to burst. An almost constant tension headache made me irritable. Between my aching back and my huge belly there was no comfortable position left to spend the night – or the day for that matter.

Sometimes I felt close to beating my belly with my fists in frustration, wanting to scream at that lazy little bugger inside me… But of course I did not. I only slumped down as best I could and resumed rubbing my midsection in those slow and soothing circles, the only movement that was not awkward for me these days. Or I went to take yet another walk that might inspire the baby to get going.

Elaine never let me out of sight anymore. From the way she kept close to me and her guarded look, her careful reassurances I rather thought that she knew the baby had not turned and that she was very worried. But damn it. Our son was in the books! There was nothing in the books about Lothíriel dying in childbed. There had only been something about the long and fruitful reign of Éomer. So I could not die in childbed, could I? And our child had to live. And it would be a son.

Again I felt overcome with the urge to go and check if everything was ready for the baby. I resisted the urge, however. Maybe another walk?

In the end I remained where I was.

Legolas and Gimli had arrived in Edoras last week to be here for the birth. Míriel would arrive during the next days. Éowyn was not able to come, as her baby was recovering from a bad cold and travelling was out of the question for her. I would have liked to have Aragorn here, too. And the hobbits. I could not have my real mother. So I wanted at least all of my Middle-earth friends and family.

But I could not even have them. Not all of them.

Some of them were gone over the sea forever. Others had duties that kept them or their own families who needed them. I knew I was honoured with Gimli and Legolas being here, and Míriel and Ada making the long and dangerous way from Dol Amroth to Edoras this time of the year so that they could be here. And yet I was frustrated and teary-eyed when I thought about absent friends or those who could not be here because they lived in another world, another dimension and, for all I knew, another time.

"Baby," I muttered. "If you don't decide that you are ready to be born soon, you are not going to have much fun with your mother, because she will have gone nuts by the time you make your appearance."

At the sound of someone's throat being cleared I looked up. To my astonishment I saw little Danso carefully inching towards me. He had grown a bit and become quite sturdy, but he was still half a head smaller than Taliesin, the harper's ward.

Now he was bowing vigorously, and obviously wanted to tell me something.

I smiled at him encouragingly, although I really only wanted to be left to my thoughts. I knew from Helmichis that he was a good boy, doing everything perfectly he was asked to do and steady in his schoolwork. The least I could do was be a bit friendly to reward that.

"Hello, Danso," I said. "Is there anything you want?"

He bowed even more deeply and his small brown face blushed fiercely. "About the babe, mistress-lady, I were thinkin'. I were…"

"Yes?" My smile broadened. That was too cute! He obviously wanted to wish me luck.

Encouraged, Danso ploughed on, his broad Dunlending vowels already turning more clipped as the Rohirric sounds were creeping more and more into his way of speaking.

"I jus' were thinkin' as you get near your time, as you might need a charm so as t' keep you safe, you an' the babe, m'lady."

He gulped. He obviously wanted to offer me a charm for the birth but was very nervous about that. Would a charm help? Maybe. Maybe not. I remembered the carvings of the Valar on the roof beams all around the hall. That hunter in the clouds. That voice I had heard.

Maybe a charm was a good idea.

"Do you know a charm that might help me?" I knew that my smile was growing a bit forced as I tried to keep from even thinking, I don't want a charm, I want a modern hospital equipped to do a caesarean section safely!

But Danso's eyes lit up and his posture changed as he realized that I would hear him out and receive his good wishes and the charm. "Aye, m'lady. I do know a charm. Me mother she was a bit of a good-wife, she was, so I know some o' the charms. But…" He trailed off, eyeing my considerable bulk uncertainly.

"What is it, Danso?" I asked as friendly as possible. Even though I did appreciate the thought, I wanted him to say his charm as quickly as possible, so that I could go back to rubbing my belly in peace.

"Weeeel," he said, reverting to the low Dunlending drawl of his first days in Edoras because of his nervousness. "Tis like this, mah lady. You 'ave to go and find a dead man's grave and then you 'ave to step over that grave, three times. And as you step you, 'ave to say them words thrice:"

Disregarding the way I shuddered and leaned back in my chair, he closed his eyes and brought his hands together in a universal pleading gesture, while reciting in a low childish voice: "This be my remedy for the loathsome slow birth. This be my remedy for the grievous black birth. This be my remedy for the loathsome misformed birth."

I felt my heart beginning to race with sudden fear and the child was all at once moving frantically inside me, pushing every which way. Danso opened his eyes and smiled beatifically at me. "That way everythin' will be alright, mah lady. With you an' with the babe." He paused, stared at my substantial girth again, then went on. "Maybe Éomer King could carry you?"

He did not sound convinced.

"Thank you very much, Danso," I replied weakly, rubbing my heaving midsection as the child inside slowly calmed down again. "I appreciate that very much. Now run along. Helmichis will be missing you before long."

Danso bowed deeply, then moved backwards until he had reached a distance to me where he obviously considered it safe to turn around and run away, which was exactly what he did.

I remained behind moaning lightly, keeping only just from groaning noisily, because that would have undoubtedly alerted Elaine and Éomer.

And Éomer was presently engaged in a game of the Middle-earth variety of chess with Legolas. Gimli sat at the head of the table, watching and commenting. When they had played first, I had assumed that the elf – with a few thousand years of experience would naturally be the winner. But to my surprise, they were almost evenly matched. I had not known before that Éomer was such a superior strategist. He also really enjoyed that game. With Rohan still firmly in the grip of one of the harshest winters Middle-earth had ever seen, there was simply too little to do for the active men making up the household of Meduseld.

Éomer was training the guards almost every day – the royal guards were the elite of the éored, so that was almost normal, but it was also a way from preventing "cabin-fever". Or would that be "palace-fever" in this case? After three months, even a palace gets cramped, so it was the training was necessary for more than one reason.

However, my husband was a very active and energetic man in body and mind, so in the dark hours of the winter afternoons and evenings he sought out intellectual distractions. But alas, I was not only a failure at embroidery. I was also a failure at the strategic game of black and white figures that was the Middle-earth version of chess. While Éomer did not care for the first pursuit and was used from his sister to ladies looking for other kinds of entertainment, it was not as easy for him to forgive my lacking skill and inclination of the second. Therefore I was grateful for Legolas' and Gimli's presence, both avid players… Éomer was much more cheerful since their arrival, having been worried about me and quite aggravated at being stuck in the palace and the city all winter before that. I did not want to interrupt the game without good reason.

I leaned back in my chair, thinking that my back would surely give out on me during the next few days if that damn baby did not decide that it was ready to be born and allowed myself a small groan after all.

When I opened my eyes again, Sorcha was walking up to me. She sat down next to me, on a simple wooden stool. Would I ever be able to sit on small stool like that again? At the moment I was no longer able to lie down or get up without help.

"Are you in pain?" Sorcha asked, her green-grey eyes filled warm sympathy.

"Yes," I said through clenched teeth. "And no, at least I don't think in that way yet. I wish I were, though! My back aches, my hips ache, my head aches. And Danso just suggested that Éomer carry me across the grave of a dead man and I chant some rhyme or other to help me give birth."

Sorcha's lips quivered with suppressed laughter, but the dark hint of concern never left her eyes. "He wants to help. He's a good boy, that one. It's good that you took him in."

"I don't think that the baby has turned," I said suddenly. The thought had plagued me for days. There was nothing I could do. I did not want Elaine to reassure me on something for which there was no real reassurance. I did not want Éomer more anxious than he already was.

But I was hurting and in a bad mood and I wanted this pregnancy to be over so much. I wanted to hold that child in my hands! I wanted my body back!

I closed my eyes.

"I'm afraid, Sorcha," I whispered. "Oh God, I am so afraid."

I felt her hand on mine. A comforting, warm pressure. "You are healthy and strong, Lothíriel. You have the best healers of all Rohan here to help you. You have a good chance to bear a healthy child and live, even if it has not turned."

I opened my eyes and stared into the face of my friend. But I don't want a good chance! I thought wildly, I want an epidural! I want…

I clenched my teeth. I had wanted to come here. I had wanted to marry Éomer. I had wanted to get pregnant. And now I wanted my child!

I felt cold sweat at my temples. My back hurt so much. I felt almost unable to move. Was this the beginning? My face must have mirrored my question.

But Sorcha shook her head slightly. "No, not yet, I think you are right. It's not that kind of pain yet. It's only your body slowly getting ready for birth, but not the beginning yet. A bit of pain, like those cramps you had a few weeks ago, meant only to tell you that you are preparing for giving birth. That you are almost there. When your time is really near, you will know. You won't have to look at me to tell you if you are going into labour."

I inhaled shakily. Those "practice contractions" had scared me. However, Elaine, Sorcha and Gosvintha had assured me that it was perfectly normal. When I had calmed down, I had even remembered reading or hearing something about that in my other life. As I knew the baby would not like it if I thumped my fist against the wood of the chair, I contented myself with clenching my hands into fists.

"I want my baby," I muttered. "Now. Yesterday."

"I think you will have your babe soon, before the week is out even. You are restless… that is usually one of the first signs. You won't have to wait much longer." Sorcha took my hand and carefully, gently, opened my fist, stroking my fingers and my palm. "Generations of queens have given birth in that chamber you share with Éomer King, and none have had those things of your world that you told me of to aid them in birth… epidurals? Cesarins?"

Caesarean section, I thought. It is called a caesarean section. It's what they do if the baby has not turned, most of the time. But I did not say it out loud, only smiled at Sorcha, grateful for her friendship.

oooOooo

The pains started two nights later.

I did not wake at a once, because the pain was familiar.

It sneaked its way into my dreams almost unnoticed.

Ahhh…nooo… I don't want to be getting my period now… I don't want to get up and tie those cumbersome linen pads into my panties…

Then, suddenly, I was wide awake.

I stared into the familiar darkness of our bedroom. The baby in my womb lay quiescent.

Was this…? Could this be?

Exhilaration flooded me, driving away sleep and fear. I lay silently and waited.

There!

Again!

Pain!

It felt like the cramps of a bad period. A cold kind of pain. A cramp in the muscles at the front of my lower midsection, but deeper than the menstrual cramps I was used to. Harder than those cramps I had had a few weeks ago, too. I felt my heart skip a beat and a sudden, foolish grin beginning to spread on my face. Very foolish! To be happy about pain!

But I was. For almost endless minutes nothing happened. I concentrated on my breathing and waited. Please, pain, come back! Let it happen! Let it happen tonight!

Suddenly, the pain was back, and I felt my distended stomach react to the cramp, tightening up as if the skin and flesh and muscles were pulled into me, like a net tightening on a huge fish. I gasped a little, remembered how to breathe properly just in time – then the pain was gone again.

I knew when the pain would come back before it did return and managed to breathe the way Elaine and Sorcha had shown me from the beginning to the end.

This is not really bad, I thought. If it doesn't get much worse then this, I am sure I can do it!

Then the next cramp hit me, and I gasped louder than before. I also felt an almost irrepressible urge to use the toilet, but as I was no longer able to get up on my own, there was not much I could do about it that instant.

When I returned to reality with the ebbing of the pain and the slowing of my rhythmic breathing, Éomer's face was in front of me. He was on his knees at the side of the bed, reaching for my hand. "Is it the babe, léofest?"

I grinned at him in answer and squeezed his hand.

"Yes," I said and again I felt only excitement and strength, and no fear at all. "Help me get up!"

"Should I call Elaine first?" Éomer looked torn between relief at my confidence and concern at what was about to happen.

But Elaine, who had been sleeping on a cot in my dressing room during the last few nights, must have heard my gasps and knocked courteously on the door only a moment later.

"Come in!" Relief was palpable in Éomer's voice.

As Elaine reached the bed, the next cramp convulsed my body. I stayed calm and breathed rhythmically, just the way I had been taught. This was easier than I thought it would be!

"I need some light," Elaine asked politely, putting her candle sconce on my nightstand.

Éomer, obviously happy that there was something practical he could do, went around the room, lighting candles and lanterns.

Elaine quickly uncovered my midsection, feeling along my extended belly with expert touches. Holding the candle so she could look at that space between my legs. Just as she was about to straighten up, the next wave of pain shivered across my belly. I marvelled at the sight of that mound of white flesh tightening until the blue veins stood out. It really was not so bad. Elaine followed the path of the pain with her hands, stroking along my sides and down to my hips.

"Yes, my lady," she said finally, smiling. "The babe is on its way to be born."

"I feel restless," I said. "And… I want to use the toilet. Is that alright?"

Elaine nodded and turned to Éomer. "My lord, could you help your lady to get up? I will alert the other attendants."

The others: Anrid, Sorcha, and my Míri, who had arrived only the day before, Gosvintha; and Ini to run any errands.

We had talked about how births were done in Rohan, who would be expected to be there, who could be there…

Most important, of course, Elaine, as the mid-wife and healer. Anrid, because she would be the wet-nurse should I not be able to nurse the baby. Sorcha as my lady-in-waiting. Míriël as my mother. Gosvintha, who had been mid-wife for the Hall of Meduseld before Elaine's arrival.

But best of all: Éomer was expected to be present.

In Rohan, the father was expected to stand by his wife in the moment of birth. He was the one to hold her, to keep her constrained so she did not thrash too wildly, to support her during the long hours of walking during the early labour, to simply be there for her in those difficult hours. And for another reason: in Rohan there was no notary to confirm the birth of a nobly born child. It was the father and only the father who accepted the babe as soon as it was born in an ancient ritual.

Éomer helped me sit up, and held me as I moaned when the pain returned as a result of that movement. He supported me to the chair that contained the chamber-pot.

Well.

I did pee a bit.

But it did not do much for the urge I felt.

Afterwards, I was on my feet and unexpectedly felt like walking. Just as Éowyn and Anrid and Arwen had told me. Your body will know, they had told me. It seemed they were right.

The door opened to admit the other friends and ladies who would provide help and encouragement as my labour went on.

I flung myself – as much flinging as I could do under the circumstances – in Míri's arms, laughing and crying a bit and gasping through another contraction, thinking only for a moment if my real mother would ever know of this child, her grandchild in this far away world.

Then the wave of pain subsided so completely, that I felt extremely silly. Me in my loose blue nightgown, the others completely and conservatively dressed as befitted women of their station, with Éomer keeping to the background, quickly and haphazardly dressed in his leather pants and a loose shirt, too quickly tied, the ribbons trailing down his front.

But Elaine was completely in control. "My lord, would you support your lady? I advise you to keep walking, so the pains won't stop, but increase with the rhythm of your movement."

I slipped on a robe, with Míri making sure that everything was loose and no tie or sash would inhibit my freedom of movement.

Then Éomer put an arm behind my back and took hold of my arm with his other hand, holding me firmly, supporting me with his strength – and his love. Suddenly, unexpectedly, the spicy scent that was Éomer to me, a fragrance that seemed to have diminished during the months of my pregnancy caught in my nose and I inhaled greedily. It was almost over. I would have our baby!

We started walking.

oooOooo

A/N: Thank you again to Aranel, Ellenflower and Frigg for tales of birth and pregnancy. And especially to Narwen who asked her mother many questions, reported the answers at length, went back with more questions… and to Narwen's mother for answering those questions.

I can't give all the sources I used to research pregnancy and birth today and throughout history. There's simply too many. If you are interested, mail me or leave a comment on my LiveJournal and I will give you the list.

The charm I used in this chapter is from the "Lacnunga"- manuscript, that contains a high number of charms and magical elements, from a late tenth- or early eleventh-century codex, British Library MS Harley 585, fols. 130-151v and 157-193.