Chapter Eighteen

To Thine Own Self Be True

ONE

Harry smiled softly as Zabini's deer Patronus sauntered about the Room of Requirement. It figured that she would have such an animal for her protector.

"Well done, Zabini," he said.

Zabini blushed and muttered her thanks before retreating to Malfoy's side. She glanced in Harry's direction and the blush got darker when she saw him watching. She smiled shyly before turning away…

TWO

March dawned on Hogwarts unusually warm and incredibly rainy. For the first time in months, Harry found himself happy about not being on the Quidditch team. Umbridge had sacked Trelawney and Dumbledore had hired Firenze the Centaur to fill the post. The scene had been unpleasant, at best, and Harry found himself hating Umbridge more than ever. A Hogsmeade weekend was coming up soon, and Harry stared at the back of his hand as he considered his options. The words 'I must not tell lies' glared at him mockingly, making his choice for him…

THREE

"Hey, Zabini, wait a minute!" Harry called as the latest D.D.L. meeting drew to its close.

"Um, okay," Zabini replied nervously.

Harry walked over to her and smiled gently. "How are you?" he asked.

"Oh. I'm fine," she replied, looking down.

"I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend," Harry said.

Zabini blushed prettily and glanced at Harry from beneath her lashes. "You really want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" she asked.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise, Harry replied gently.

She smiled and glanced up at him. "Okay, Potter," she said softly. "I'll go with you."

"Well," Harry mused. "If we're going out on a date, I think you should call me Harry."

"Okay," Zabini replied. "If you'll call me Blaise." Her blush grew darker and she looked down again.

"Okay, Blaise," Harry smiled. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the back. "I'll meet you in the entrance hall on Saturday."

Blaise held her hand to her chest, smiling. "Okay. I'll see you then."

Harry smiled, nodded, and went down to the dungeons. Professor Snape looked up as Harry entered and raised his eyebrow.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked.

Harry's smile grew larger and he flung himself unceremoniously onto Professor Snape's sofa. "I've got a date into Hogsmeade," he announced happily.

"Oh?" Professor Snape replied. "With whom?"

"Blaise Zabini," Harry said dreamily.

"What?" Professor Snape snapped unexpectedly.

Harry spun around to stare at his professor curiously. "What?" he asked.

Professor Snape appeared to be calming himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. When he looked up, he appeared collected. "I really don't think that you should become too attached to that girl," he said.

"Why not?" Harry asked. "She's a little shy, but she seems nice enough."

"Seems is the operative word in that sentence," Professor Snape sneered. "She's a very accomplished actress."

"Her emotions coincide with her actions," Harry countered. "Or have you forgotten that I can feel that?"

"I do not trust her, and neither should you!" Professor Snape exclaimed. "Her entire family is totally engrossed in the Dark Arts and the Death Eaters!"

"You above all, should know that I don't judge people by their families!"

"Nor do I! She's my student, in my House, under my care! She's not above trickery and lies to get what she wants!"

"So I suppose she can just have spontaneous emotions when it's convenient? Empathy doesn't work that way!"

"Why can't you ever listen to reason, Potter?"

Harry recoiled from the name and tone as though he had been slapped. "So that's how it is, is it? You think she's only going with me because I'm Harry Potter?"

"Yes," Professor Snape said bluntly. "That is exactly what I think."

"Is it so impossible that she likes me for me? I'm not vain, but I like to think that I'm at least passable on a teenage level!"

"That girl is not a normal teenager, Harry!" Professor Snape exploded. "Nothing she does is without consequence! She cares for no one and nothing but her own advancement! How do you think she got into Slytherin in the first place?"

Harry laughed dryly and without amusement. "Don't tell me that you're putting down your own House now! Oh, this is brilliant! You'll go to any lengths to make sure that I'm as lonely and unhappy as you are! Well thanks, but no thanks! I'll date who I like!" Harry stormed to his own common room, slamming the door behind him.

FOUR

Severus stood in stunned silence as the door slammed in his face. Harry's words had stung, and the ringing silence in the room was quickly becoming oppressive. He shook himself and stormed out of his rooms, intent on taking out his frustration on unsuspecting students roaming the halls after hours.

He couldn't believe that Harry had such a low opinion of him after all that time. Severus could have any man he wanted and he knew it. The trouble was that the man he wanted was still just a boy. How could he have allowed himself to become so attached to a boy twenty-two years his junior? Harry's words hurt more than Severus cared to admit.

FIVE

Harry's attitude toward Severus was frosty at best over the next few days. He refused to hold a conversation and answered questions curtly. Severus wanted to fix the damage, but he couldn't take back what he's said. He didn't trust Blaise Zabini, and he never would. He only hoped that his suspicions were wrong, but he doubted it.

Saturday came and went, and Harry's date passed without a hitch. If anything, Harry was more enamored with the horrible girl than he had been previously. Severus tried to talk to him again, but Harry gave him the cold shoulder.

SIX

Severus was at his desk, grading papers, near the middle of March when Albus' head appeared in his fireplace.

"Please come to my office immediately, Severus," he said seriously.

"What is it, Albus?" Severus asked with some concern. "Has something happened?"

"Just come, Severus," Albus replied. "We will talk when you arrive."

"Very well, Albus," Severus said, sweeping out of his rooms with a frown on his face. What could have Albus in such a state? Severus was confused and worried as he walked toward the office. When he arrived, he found that Albus was not alone.

"Hello, Severus," Mike said quietly from his seat in front of the headmaster's desk.

"What in the Hell is going on here?" Severus demanded angrily.

"Please sit down, Severus, and I will explain," Albus said calmly but firmly.

Severus sat down, glaring at Mike. "What the Hell is he doing here?" he asked.

"He's defected from Voldemort's ranks," Albus replied. Both Severus and Mike flinched at the name, but Albus ignored them. "He has an interesting story. Why don't you tell him, Michael?"

Mike looked nervously between Albus and Severus before nodding. "I… I never really wanted to be a Death Eater," he said. "I only joined because I was in love with Severus. I wanted to be near him."

Severus scoffed and folded his arms over his chest. "Foolish nonsense," he muttered.

"When he was… found out as a… a traitor, I knew I had to get away," Mike went on. "All I wanted was to be with you, Severus. I meant it when I said I loved you."

"I do not love you," Severus sneered. "Nor will I. I certainly hope that you do not believe that this ridiculous flight of fancy will win you my heart."

"I know you don't," Mike muttered. "I had hoped you would, but I gave up on that a long time ago. I just want you to know that I'll help you if you ever need it."

"How touching," Severus deadpanned. "If there is nothing else, Albus?"

"You may go, Severus," Albus replied forlornly. "Join me for chess this weekend?"

"Very well," Severus said before leaving the office. The last person he had wanted to see was Mike. His world was being flipped around violently, and all he wanted was to collapse on his bed and never come back out.

SEVEN

AUTHOR'S NOTE: SCENE EDITED FOR NC-17 CONTENT!

Harry held Blaise's bare form to his chest, relishing in her warmth. His first experience with sex had been incredible. He only hoped that Blaise felt the same.

"Harry?" she said softly, flipping onto her stomach so she could see him. "Lets do it again."

Harry raised an amused eyebrow at her. "I think you wore me out," he said with a smile. "I'm not sure I could get it up again."

Blaise colored darkly at Harry's candid speech, but did not relent. "I think I can rectify that," she muttered. The two of them were in the Room of Requirement on a large comfortable bed.

"How do you plan to do that?" Harry asked, his heart rate already increasing.

Blaise smiled sweetly and began kissing her way down Harry's body, suckling on his nipples before moving on to lap at his navel. Once finished there, she moved down between his legs. Blaise slithered up his body, smirking down at him. "I want to be on top," she announced. Harry had trouble reconciling this sexual, forward woman with the shy girl he had come to care for.

"Be my guest," he replied huskily, willing himself to be still as she mounted him. She grabbed a water-based lubricant from the small table next to the bed.

Harry let his eyes slide up her beautiful body as she lowered herself slowly onto him.

Harry reached his hands up and touched her as she rode him enthusiastically. He felt her smooth supple flesh, up her hips and over her abdomen, before caressing her perky breasts, running his thumbs tenderly over the hard nipples. Blaise cried out his name and leaned forward to kiss Harry passionately.

As Blaise collapsed against Harry's chest, she whispered, "Gods, you're beautiful."

EIGHT

A week later, the school was in chaos. Cho Chang's friend, Marietta, had told Umbridge about the D.D.L. Dumbledore took the blame for the creation of the League, as it was now being called throughout the school, and had fled to avoid arrest. Umbridge was now the headmistress of Hogwarts, and the Weasley twins had vowed revenge. They wreaked havoc through the school, with no adult intervention aside from Filch and Umbridge.

A month after that, the Weasley twins had dropped out, flown away on their broomsticks in a spectacular display of teenage rebellion, after having created, and subsequently leaving a large swamp inside the second floor corridor. The O.W.L.s were scheduled to start in a week's time, and most of the fifth-years were in near hysterics. Harry alone seemed unconcerned about the important exams. The weekend after the tests was a Hogsmeade weekend. They only had one more week before the summer holidays.

NINE

Hermione watched as Harry and Zabini entered Honeyduke's together, holding hands. She frowned at the sight, upset that Harry was so taken by the girl. Hermione still didn't trust her.

"He'll come to his senses," Malfoy's voice said behind her. She felt his hand descend on her shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. "Blaise is only acting. He'll figure it out sooner or later."

"Yes, well," Hermione muttered bitterly, turning to look at the pale Slytherin. "I only hope it's sooner rather than later. He got angry when I told him what I thought of her."

"I know the feeling," Malfoy commented. "Come on. Let's go to The Three Broomsticks and have some Butterbeer."

"I don't know…" Hermione hedged, glancing toward Honeyduke's again.

"It'll make you feel better," Malfoy pressed, smirking at her when she turned back to him.

"Oh, very well," she replied at last, walking next to the blonde toward the popular pup. "Maybe it'll help take my mind off things." Ron was there with Seamus, so Hermione and Malfoy joined their table.

"Where have you been?" Ron asked, sipping on his Butterbeer.

"I've been Harry-watching," Hermione replied. "He's gone to Honeyduke's with that little Slytherin tart of his."

"I can't believe you're still on about that," Ron commented.

"Yeah, Hermione," Seamus chipped in. "She's a nice enough girl."

Malfoy snorted disdainfully, shaking his head. "You think she's nice?" he asked. "Either she's really good at acting, or you lot are a bunch of gullible fools."

"What do you mean?" Ron asked.

"First off, her number one ambition is to become a Death Eater," Malfoy told him. "There isn't one Slytherin who doesn't know that. She likes to make friends with people from other houses and spread whatever she learns to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Her little 'oh, I'm so shy so take pity on me' thing is nothing more than an act to make people be friendly to her. Doing that also draws away suspicion. After all, how could such a shy girl make it as a Death Eater?"

"So why is she so interested in Harry?" Seamus asked.

Malfoy stared at him as though he were daft before answering. "Think of who we're talking about here. Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Is-A-Pain-In-The-Dark-Lord's-Ass. If she could get him into You-Know-Who's hands, she would be rewarded nicely. She wants to be an Inner Circle Death Eater. Turning Potter over would almost surely win her that spot." A long silence descended as the four students mulled over Malfoy's words.

TEN

"Meet me tonight," Blaise whispered in Harry's ear, three days before the end of term. "I need to see you again."

Harry smiled and pulled back to look at her, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Meet you where?" he asked.

"The entrance hall," Blaise replied. "I have a surprise for you." She was very excited about something. Harry could feel it rolling off of her in waves.

"Will I like this surprise?" he asked playfully.

"You might," she said. "I've got to go for now. I'll see you tonight!" She ran down the hall and disappeared around a corner.

Harry made his way toward his and Snape's quarters slowly, not wanting to see the sour professor any time soon, but not having any other options either. He had thought, for a time, that Snape cared about his happiness and well being. The way Snape had behaved upon learning that Harry was dating someone was proof enough that Harry had misjudged…

ELEVEN

He snuck out of Snape's quarters at 11:45 and slowly made his way to the entrance hall. He knew that she would be there at midnight, waiting with her mysterious surprise. As he neared the top of the stairs, pain erupted in his scar and he slapped his hand to it. "Grr, not now," he muttered with annoyance. He looked up when he reached the ground level landing and froze in place. Voldemort was standing next to the door.

"Come out, Potter," he hissed. "I know you are there."

Harry took off his invisibility cloak, shrunk it, and tucked it into his pocket. "How did you manage this one, Tom?" he asked.

Voldemort sneered maliciously at him. "I had inside help," he replied. At that moment, Blaise emerged from behind Voldemort's back.

"Hello, Harry," she said with a soft smile. "Do you like my surprise?"

Harry felt a strong wave of emotions hit him at her words. He felt anger, betrayal, sadness, and extreme stupidity for not listening when his friends had told him to stay away from Blaise Zabini. He stared at her silently, his eyes blazing with emotion.

Voldemort laughed, his cold, high-pitched voice cutting through Harry's senses like a knife. "She did well with you," he said. "She will get a good reward after you are dead. Crucio!"

The spell hit Harry before he even realized what was going on. His screams echoed with Voldemort's cruel laughter through the empty halls of the school. When finally the curse was lifted, Harry lay panting on the floor, his whole body hurting from the experience. He struggled to his feet, pulling out his wand as he did so, and turned to face Voldemort.

"You know we can't duel, Tom," he said with the air of one commenting on the weather. "Our wands won't allow it."

"I shall have to cure you of your insolence, boy," Voldemort snapped angrily.

"Only after you deal with me, Tom," a deep voice said from the marble staircase.

Harry and Voldemort turned to find Dumbledore standing near the middle of the stairs with half of the Order of the Phoenix behind him.

"Fools!" Voldemort spat. The entrance doors opened and a dozen Death Eaters spilled into the hall. "Get them!" Voldemort demanded. At once, the scene became chaotic as Death Eaters and Order members scattered and began dueling. Voldemort and Dumbledore were going at it furiously, each unable to touch the other.

Harry was dueling with McNair when two spells came from behind him, knocking the Death Eater to the ground.

"Stupid boy!" Snape spat, pulling Harry behind him to stand next to Malfoy. "Get out here, both of you!" he ordered.

Malfoy grabbed Harry's arm and began to drag him away, but stopped short when he found the stairs blocked. Sirius was battling with Bellatrix Lestrange. He dodged her jet of red light and laughed at her. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled. The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest, sending him flying back.

Harry pulled out his wand, aimed a bit low and shouted, "Wingardium Leviosa!" The spell missed by less than an inch, and Sirius went pummeling down the stone stairs, Bellatrix laughing madly as she watched.

"SIRIUS, NO!" Harry yelled, taking the stairs two at a time to reach the bottom. Behind him, he heard Malfoy yell, "Exitialis!" followed by agonized screaming.

As Harry reached the bottom, he knelt by Sirius' still form, resting his hands on one shoulder. "Sirius, are you okay?" he asked, shaking Sirius gently.

There was no response.

"Don't worry, Sirius," Harry said. "I'll fix you up. You'll be good as new." He closed his eyes and concentrated his empathy on Sirius' body. He pushed his power harder than ever before, not feeling any pain or emotion. There was no life left in Sirius. The man was dead.

Harry opened his eyes and asked quietly, "Sirius?" He knew that Sirius was gone and anger built inside of him. He wanted to find Blaise and make her suffer. He wanted her to pay for causing this to happen, for taking Harry's godfather away from him. Then, just as quickly as it had come, the anger was gone, replaced by a sick feeling in Harry's gut. If he took revenge, he would be no better than Bellatrix Lestrange, who laughed as her cousin had fallen to his death. Harry hung his head miserably, but then he felt a wand tip jab into his back. He turned and stood to find himself in front of Blaise.

"I really did like you, you know," she told him. "This isn't personal. I just need to turn you over for the power it will bring me."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Harry spat. "I should have listened to everyone. They told me not to trust you."

Blaise smiled at him. "You were a good experience for me. Now, move up the stairs."

"Bite me, whore," Harry replied calmly.

"Now, now, that's no way to talk to a lady. Crucio!"

Harry jumped out of the way of her spell, drawing his wand as he did so. "Stupefy!" he yelled twice, in quick succession. Blaise dodged the first, but was taken down by the second.

Harry turned and sprinted back up the stairs to find Malfoy engaged in a duel with his father. There were Aurors everywhere, and Harry could see Umbridge and Fudge joined in the fray.

"Stupefy!" Harry yelled, taking down Lucius. He ran to Draco's side and caught his arm just as he lost balance.

"Thanks for that," Malfoy muttered.

"We have to get out of here, Malfoy!" Harry said urgently. "Come on!" He began to lead Malfoy toward the stairs when he heard the Killing Curse shouted behind him. He turned swiftly, pulling Malfoy behind him, just in time to see Umbridge collapse to the floor. She was dead. He turned again, and began dragging Malfoy down the stairs and through the dungeons, headed for Snape's quarters. When they reached Snape's domain, Harry shoved Malfoy inside and locked him in. He could hear the blonde shouting through the door as he ran back toward the fighting.

As Harry reached the top of the stairs again, he found himself face-to-face with a Death Eater he remembered from the paper. His name was Antonin Dolohov and he had killed a family called the Prewetts. Dolohov smiled cruelly as he realized who had just run up the stairs.

"Potter," he said maliciously. "My Lord will reward me for recapturing you. Stupefy!"

"Obsidere!" Harry yelled at the same moment. Dolohov was so shocked that he dropped his wand arm to his side. Harry took the opportunity to attack. "Petrificus Totalis!" Dolohov's arms snapped to his sides and his legs snapped together, causing him to overbalance and fall backwards.

"Retreat!" Voldemort's angry voice shouted. There was mass confusion, and then the monster was gone, most of his followers having been captured.

TWELVE

Severus was panting from the effort of fighting as his eyes scanned the entrance hall. He saw Harry just as the boy turned and fled down the stairs. "Harry!" Severus called, and followed his young charge, wondering why the boy hadn't gotten away like he'd been told.

As Severus reached the top of the stairs, he saw Harry knelt next to the still form of Sirius Black. "Oh, Harry," Severus whispered as he moved down the stairs. As he got closer, Severus could tell that Black's eyes were open and staring, and his skin had a slightly blue tinge to it. He was dead.

Harry reached out a hand as Severus watched, and closed Black's eyes gently. "I'm so sorry, Sirius," he said softy. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't help. God, I'm so sorry." He fell silent as he let his head hang in misery.

"We should go, Harry," Severus said, touching Harry's shoulder. "We should get back to our quarters." When Harry didn't acknowledge him, Severus pulled Harry to his feet. Harry allowed himself to be led, but didn't speak a word.

After having Harry drop the intense locking charms that had been placed on the door, Severus went in the find young Malfoy sitting on the floor against the wall, looking exhausted.

"Do you know who killed Black?" Severus asked as he placed Harry on the sofa. He jerked his head toward the silent boy. "He won't speak to me."

"It was Bellatrix," Malfoy replied.

"And where is she now?" Severus asked, helping Malfoy to the sofa as well.

"Dead," Malfoy said.

"Did he…" Severus started.

"I killed her," Malfoy interrupted. "She's nothing more than a pile of ash now."

Severus raised an eyebrow as he passed the young man a potion to drink. "And why did you do that?"

Malfoy shrugged and knocked back the potion. "Survival of the fittest," he said simply.

"Indeed," Severus remarked. "Go back to Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy. Thank you for your help."

"Yes, sir," Malfoy replied before leaving Severus alone with Harry. Severus knelt before the teen cautiously.

"Harry, are you all right?" he asked.

There was no reply.

"Please, talk to me, Harry," Severus pleaded. "It's not healthy to keep it all inside."

Still, Harry did not respond. Severus sighed and stood, taking Harry's hand as he did so. He tugged on Harry's arm and the teen followed mechanically.

Severus changed Harry into some pajamas, put the boy in bed and fed him some Dreamless Sleep before retiring to his chambers. It was going to be a long, sleepless night.

Author's Note: Many thanks to Victoria Ennis for her work on this chapter. Thanks also to…

Hikari-Aoi

Sliver of Melody

Ktoddhim

Sh'arra Rie: Yep, totally finished. I wrote it a while ago.

Kears

Mariana

Demosthenes

Shiemi Shimabukuro

DestinyEntwinements

Shadow Eclipse

Itsasledgehammer

Jujube 15: Plenty of trouble, m'dear. Plenty.

Tamyka: Snarry is on it's way, but first Severus has to put our dear Harry back together again. I wonder how he'll go about it…

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