Chapter Nineteen

Summer of Silence

ONE

Harry silently walked through the perfectly manicured lawn into the house of number four Privet Drive. Harry hadn't spoken since Blaise's betrayal, the loss of his beloved godfather bearing down heavily on his shoulders. He didn't know whether he'd ever speak again.

"Come along, Harry," Uncle Vernon said as he carried Harry's school trunk up the stairs. Harry followed slowly up the narrow steps with Hedwig's cage. When he entered his room, he placed Hedwig in her customary spot on the desk, and then sprawled on his bed. His mind clashing with the emotions of sadness, guilt, and memories as he lay there wondering how he could have prevented all that had happened.

'I should have listened to everyone,' he thought bitterly. 'Professor Snape wasn't jealous, he knew that she was evil and he tried to tell me. Why didn't I listen? How many times must he prove himself before I believe him? How could I have been so stupid?'

"Harry dear?" A knock echoed off his walls, Aunt Petunia poked her head around the door. "Dinner is ready. Come and eat."

Harry didn't respond, but he followed his aunt downstairs. The only thought that made him struggle through the days was the knowledge that if he didn't kill Voldemort, more people would die. He could give up and join his parents after he'd done that, he didn't care, but not before.

After dinner, he went back upstairs and shut himself up in his room. A week later, Harry was still silent, and still remained morose in the world he made himself. He'd taken to doing exercise, homework, and learning how to draw in order to pass his time.

He practiced drawing figures from a book he bought at the library's used book sale. Within four days, he reasoned that he had a natural talent and he had started to draw people he knew. He was glad for being a fast learner, even if he didn't have Hermione's photographic memory.

"Harry!" Aunt Petunia called up the stairs. "You have a visitor! Come downstairs!"

Harry didn't want to see anyone, but he thought it would be rude to ignore them altogether, so he went downstairs. It was Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Malfoy. Harry was dumbfounded. Why would all of these people come here to see him of all people?

"Hi, Harry," Hermione said when Harry appeared at the top of the stairs. "How are you?"

Harry shrugged as he proceeded down the stairs and into the living room. He sat down and watched them file in and choose seats. It didn't escape Harry's notice that Hermione sat next to Malfoy.

"We thought that you might be lonely here," Hermione told him. "We wanted to make sure that you weren't. Are you?"

Harry shook his head, lowering his eyes to his lap.

"So, what have you been up to, mate?" Ron asked, sitting back against the cushions of the sofa.

Harry shrugged without looking up.

"It must be boring here with only your git cousin for company," Ron went on. "I don't know how you stand it."

Again, Harry shrugged.

"It's not good for your voice to keep quiet for so long," Hermione commented. "Why don't you say something to keep it in good working order?"

Harry did nothing to indicate he'd even heard her. Hermione sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "We all miss him, you know," she told him.

'Yeah, but you didn't cause his death, did you?' Harry thought. 'You shouldn't have come here.'

"I brought my chess set," Ron said. "Do you want to play?"

Harry didn't respond.

"I won't make you talk, if you don't want to," Ron assured.

Harry gave one sharp nod, and Ron set up the chess game on the coffee table between them.

'Thank you, Ron,' Harry thought. 'Your silent support means a lot to me.'

" 'Mione is dating that git, can you believe it!" Ron exclaimed, jerking his head toward Hermione and Malfoy. "She's going out with him, but she still calls him Malfoy! Nutters, I'm telling you!"

Harry looked passed Ron and saw Hermione and Malfoy whispering to each other quietly. He raised an eyebrow enquiringly.

"Oh, they've been 'together' for about two weeks," Ginny informed him, guessing correctly at his question.

Harry nodded his understanding, moving his pawn forward two places.

"Malfoy asked her out on the last Hogsmeade weekend," Ginny went on. "They still call each other by surnames though. It really is strange."

"Completely barmy, if you ask me," Ron put in.

Ginny swatted his arm saying, "It's not 'barmy', Ron. I suppose they're just used to calling each other that. It may not be very endearing, but it gets the point across."

Ron rolled his eyes. "If you say so," he muttered, taking Harry's bishop as he did so.

'I love you guys,' Harry thought as he moved his knight. 'I wish you didn't love me back. You're in so much danger just for knowing me!' He sighed heavily as Ron took the knight he'd just moved.

"So, Dad is campaigning to have Fudge kicked out of office," Ginny was saying. "He says none of this would have happened if Fudge would have acknowledged that You-Know-Who was back in the first place."

"Yeah," Ron chipped in. "Half a dozen politicians have sprung up trying to win the spot. Fudge is expected to resign any day now, and the Ministry is preparing an emergency election. I told Dad that he should run, but he said that he wouldn't win because he's so fond of Muggles."

"Guess what else, Harry," Hermione said from her spot next to Malfoy. Harry couldn't help but notice the blonde's hand on her knee. "They're giving that Umbridge hag an Order of Merlin, First Class, post-mortem, for dying in the fight! Can you believe it? If she'd given us proper lessons to start with, non of this would have happened!"

Harry shrugged as Ron took one of his castles.

"Dumbledore's back at the school," Ginny said. "The Ministry dropped all charges after You-Know-Who showed up at the school. They said he's needed to keep the students away from the Dark."

Harry nodded his understanding as he took Ron's queen. Ron was so into the conversation that he didn't notice when Harry tipped Ron's king onto its side.

"Harry, you won!" Ginny exclaimed, seeing the surreptitious action.

"What?" Ron asked, snapping his eyes to the chessboard. His eyes widened in disbelief before he smiled and said, "Congratulations, mate."

Harry shrugged and sat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why don't you tell him your news, Malfoy?" Ron asked, looking at the blonde pointedly.

Malfoy glared for a moment before sighing in defeat and putting his arm around Hermione's shoulder. "My family has disowned me," he said. "I'm staying at Hogwarts with Professor Snape over the summer. I think I'm staying with him for the next school year, as well."

Harry raised both eyebrows in surprise. 'Does that mean that I'm going back up to Gryffindor Tower?' he wondered.

"The Slytherins aren't very happy with me just now," he went on. "Apparently Blaise sent Pansy a letter telling her that I was on your side now. Pansy, naturally, spread the news. The only good thing that came out of that is that her parents voided the marriage contract we had. I never wanted to marry her in the first place."

'At least someone's life has been improved somewhat,' Harry thought. As he observed Hermione and Malfoy, he could tell that they found happiness and peace in one another. He knew that Malfoy had probably lost his inheritance when he was disowned, but all of the money in the world couldn't buy love and happiness.

Harry's four friends stayed until Aunt Petunia asked them to leave because it was late. They used a Portkey to the Burrow and vanished before an astonished Aunt Petunia's eyes. Harry went back to his room after they'd gone and went back to practicing his drawing.

TWO

Another week passed and Harry received the results of his O.W.L.s. He held the envelope for a moment before opening it and reading the results.

Dear Mr. Potter,

You will find enclosed the results of your Ordinary Wizarding Level exams. Please note that an A or better is required to move on to N.E.W.T. level courses. Have a nice day.

Yours Sincerely,

Damaris Ortiz

Damaris Ortiz

Department for Magical Education

Astrology – D

Care of Magical Creatures – O

Charms – E

Defense Against the Dark Arts – O

Divination – D

Herbology – A

History of Magic – D

Potions – O

Transfiguration – E

Harry was pleased to note that the only classes he'd done poorly in were the three he wanted to drop at any rate. He put his scores aside and began doing sit-ups.

THREE

Harry was drawing a picture of his beloved Hedwig when the real thing flew into his window, followed by five other owls. He stared for a moment before remembering that it was his birthday. He removed all of the letters and parcels and placed them into his trunk, unopened. He finished his drawing before falling asleep. He had visions of Voldemort and the Death Eaters all night, his Occlumency failing him because of his frayed emotions, as had been happening since Sirius' death. He woke early the next day in pain.

"Harry!" Aunt Petunia called up the stairs. "Breakfast!"

Harry groaned and dragged himself out of bed, going downstairs in his pajamas. When he entered the kitchen, a pile of presents and a large breakfast greeted him.

"Happy birthday, Harry!" Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon exclaimed (though Vernon looked less enthusiastic than Petunia), Dudley sulking behind them silently.

Harry offered them a sad smile and nodded his thanks before tucking in to his breakfast with as much enthusiasm as he could muster with his churning stomach. After the meal, Harry obligingly opened the presents, which consisted mostly of new clothes that actually fit him. He nodded again as he gathered his gifts and proceeded back to his bedroom. Once there, he dumped the new clothing into his trunk and began to practice his drawing. The next day, Professor Snape showed up and whisked him away to Hogwarts.

FOUR

Severus had heard enough from young Malfoy to worry him, but the letter he received from Harry's relatives clinched that worry. Draco had said that Harry hadn't spoken one word while he had been there. The letter stated that Harry was screaming at night again, and Severus worried that Harry had forgotten his Occlumency in his hurt. Severus obtained permission to bring Harry back to Hogwarts and did so at the first available opportunity.

"Mr. Malfoy's room is next to yours," Severus told Harry when they arrived at Hogwarts. "It's that door there." He motioned to a disillusioned door on the opposite side of his own room from Harry's.

Harry glanced at the door, but said nothing. It hurt Severus' heart to see Harry so sad. All he wanted for Harry was happiness and peace, the two things that seemed to elude the young man more than anything else.

Since the end of last term, Severus had been suffering from nightmares concerning the young Gryffindor. Harry's dry, mutilated corpse yelled at him night after night, telling him what a liar he was. The fear and the pain the dream brought never got better, and Severus woke every night in a cold sweat, yelling Harry's name to the night. He hoped that having Harry close would ease the dreams somewhat.

"Take this," Severus told the young man, handing him a vial of Curse Blocking Potion. "I'm worried that your Occlumency skills may be suffering due to your recent trauma."

Harry took the vial silently and downed the contents, handing the empty vial back to Severus with a nod.

The last month of the holiday passed quickly, though Severus found Harry's silence even more unnerving than his absence had been. Harry just seemed to be drifting aimlessly, unsure of why he kept going. Severus was very worried about his raven-haired charge.

FIVE

Harry flopped down on his sofa and began flipping through the various books he owned. He'd just showered after a long run around the lake and had decided to relax for a little while.

After finishing with yet another book that he'd grown tired of looking at, he blindly reached out to pick another one from the pile. He brought the new book to his lap and found himself looking at his photo album. He touched the cover reverently before opening it and smiling down at it. He slowly flipped through the pages, carefully studying each picture, as though committing them to memory. Then he came across the pictures of his parents' wedding. Sirius smiled warmly up at him from the pictures, and suddenly an anger such as Harry had never felt before rose up within him and he let out a heart wrenching scream. He threw the photo album aside, destroying everything he could touch and continuing to scream all the while.

"Harry?" a concerned voice said from the hallway.

Harry spun around and glared angrily at Professor Snape before taking a picture frame off of the mantle and chucking it at the wall opposite.

"Harry, what is it?" Professor Snape asked.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Harry roared. His voice cracked and his throat hurt in protest to the sudden shouting, but Harry ignored it. "WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS LEAVE? SIRIUS WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY! HE PROMISED TO ALWAYS BE THERE! HE PROMISED, GODDAMN IT!"

Professor Snape approached cautiously, mumbling softly to Harry, but Harry didn't hear whatever the man was saying. Professor Snape reached out a hand, but Harry jerked away from him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he bellowed. "JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"Why, Harry?" Professor Snape asked gently.

"BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN YOU'LL DIE TOO!" Harry yelled, and then he felt suddenly drained and sad. "Because I'm poison," he choked before breaking down into sobs. "Because everything I t-touch t-turns to sh-shit."

SIX

Severus caught Harry when the boy's knees gave out and sunk to the floor with him. He sat heavily, Harry cradled against his chest, and began rocking gently while petting Harry's hair.

"You're not poison, Harry," Severus said gently. "That's it now. Let it out." Severus silently thanked the gods that Harry was finally dealing with his grief.

"I don't understand!" Harry sobbed, gripping the front of Severus' robes in his fists. "W-why does ev-everyone I c-care about have to d-die? I d-don't want anyone el-else to die!"

"I know, Harry," Severus replied. "It's not your fault. You can't control what the Dark Lord does."

"I d-don't know w-what to do anymore," Harry muttered. "I d-don't know h-how to s-stop him. I don't un-understand why i-it has to b-be me."

"Sh now. We'll talk to Professor Dumbledore in the morning. He can tell you more than I can. You'll be all right."

Harry sniffled and snuggled closer to rest his head on Severus' shoulder. Severus' heart clenched painfully at the sight and he held Harry closer to him, vowing once again to protect him and care for him no matter what happened.

"Sir?" a quiet voice said from behind Severus.

Severus turned his head to find young Malfoy fidgeting by the door. "What is it, Mr. Malfoy?" Severus asked.

"Er," Malfoy said. "It's only that I could hear him yelling on the other side of the school. Is he all right?"

"No, Mr. Malfoy, he is not," Severus replied truthfully. "But hopefully he will be."

"Can I do anything?"

Severus stared in surprise before answering. "No, thank you, Mr. Malfoy," he said.

"Could you not call me that?"

"What?"

" 'Mr. Malfoy'. It makes me sound like my father."

"Very well, Draco. I'm just going to put him in bed. He'll feel better in the morning, I expect."

"Yes, sir," Draco muttered. He looked at Harry worriedly before reluctantly leaving the room.

When Draco had gone, Severus lifted Harry and carried him to the bedroom. After he tucked Harry in, Severus brushed some stray hairs away from the teen's forehead. He observed how lovely Harry's face was, the strong angles and small nose, complemented by the slightly tanned complexion. As he stood, transfixed, Harry brilliant eyes opened sleepily.

"Sir?" he croaked.

"Yes, Harry?" Severus asked, tucking the blankets tighter to cover his awkwardness. "What is it?"

"You don't think I'm silly, do you? I'm not being stupid, am I?"

"Of course not, Harry," Severus assured. "It's only natural for someone so young who's seen as much as you have. You just have to remember that things will not stay bad forever. It will get better. You just need to be patient while you wait for that time. Do not despair, Harry. There are people here for you. Remember that."

"Thank you, sir," Harry said, closing his eyes again. "Good night."

"Good night, Harry," Severus replied. "Sleep well."

Author's Note: I'd like to apologize for my slightly erratic updates. I've been ill for the last couple of months, and sometimes I simply can't concentrate enough to post. Bear with me though. This story will be posted in full, even if it takes a bit longer than expected. I'd also like to apologize for how short this chapter was, but I needed to get the summer out of the way. It brings us closer to the slashy goodness.

Many thanks to Victoria Ennis for her hard work on this fic. Thanks also to…

Lillyseyes

LeeLeePotter: Severus isn't likely to just give in to his feelings. He's an odd man, for sure.

Monica85

DestinyEntwinements

Shiemi Shimabukuro: Special ministrations, eh? Hehehe, I'm sure that'll come into play eventually.

Sword and Magic

Jeni: Blaise… well, lets just say I'm not done playing with her yet.

Lord Localfreak

Chibi-Kaisie: My goodness, you really like mine better than OotP? I'm so flattered! Thank you! As for your questions… we shall see, love. Patience is a virtue, after all.

Jujube 15

Sh'arra Rie

Nicky 12330: I'm glad to hear it. I hope you liked this chapter as well.

Kears: Go study! Pass those tests so you can devote more time to reading! What are you thinking… hehehehehe… just kidding. Thanks for the review.

Hikari-Aoi

Mariana